Chapter 18
"How did it go yesterday?" Rose asked at breakfast the next morning. She was on rounds when I finally got back to the common room after pulling myself together. I decided, as I fell asleep that night, I wouldn't tell anyone about what Albus was asking me to do. I knew that it was a decision I needed to make alone without anyone else's influence; no one else would understand.
"Better," I said, hoping she would buy the fake smile I had plastered across my face.
"Brilliant, I knew he would crack eventually," She smiled. "What pushed him over the edge?"
"We had an argument again but after things calmed down it went okay, we still have a long way to go though," I added, grabbing another piece of toast and shouldering my bag. "I need to go to the library before Charms, see you in lesson," I said rushing out of the hall before she could ask any more questions.
My mind had been reeling from what Albus had asked of me the night before. I had barely managed to get any sleep, overthinking the decision I needed to make. I had known, deep down, that this was coming. The only reason I had tried desperately to break James' heart was that I knew it was easier to lose both of them, then to choose between them. I hated Al for wanting me to make this decision, but I missed him awfully and would inevitably be throwing away six years of friendship over what could barely be called a relationship. I couldn't be certain that James and I would last if I chose him but I knew for certain I would have Al in my life forever.
As I walked back to the common room the night before, I knew the decision I needed make. I knew that Al was the safer bet, but then I walked through the portrait hole and saw his face light up as he saw me. I loved James Potter more than I ever thought I could. Seeing him made me realise that whilst choosing Al was safer, was the option that made sense, losing James would break my heart forever. My head said Al, my heart said James. I walked the halls looking for the younger of the Potter brothers finding him stepping out of the boy's toilets near Charms. I grabbed his arm and pulled him into a secluded alcove ignoring his complaints and some nosy thirds years that spotted us.
"If I choose you what would that mean for me and James?" I asked harshly, frowning and folding my arms waiting for his reply. He studied me for a moment before answering.
"You wouldn't be able to be friends anymore and you would have to end it, properly this time. You would need to make him believe it,"
I nodded, "And if I choose James, what would that mean for me and you?"
"We would never be friends ever again, I wouldn't want you near me obviously hindering my relationship with my brother but he already knew all of this," Al replied flippantly.
"What do you mean he already knew this?" I asked surprised at his honesty.
"I made it very clear to James that if he would pursue you again I would never forgive him," He replied darkly. I studied my old friend for a moment and was suddenly aware of how different he had become. I couldn't remember the last time I had seen him smile which made my heart hurt for him. He was moody and serious all the time. We had broken his heart so badly that he was now trying to cover all bases before accepting me back in his life. He was protecting himself, ensuring I could never hurt him again; even if that meant hurting me and his brother.
"I miss you," I said sadly. Al just stared at me, his eyes not giving away any emotion. He sighed and shrugged.
"We should get to class," He said setting off without another word.
The conversation I had had with Al played on my mind all day. I found myself not paying attention in lessons, my mind desperately trying to figure a way to sort out the mess. I was surprised to find that I wasn't as upset at Al's question as I had initially been. I finally understood why he needed it to be this way; he needed to protect himself.
"What is with you?" Rose whispered during DADA, the last lesson of the day. I had barely spoken to her or Scorpius all day and I could tell they were concerned. I still hadn't told them about Al's lifeline, knowing full well they would hate him for it. I turned towards her and shrugged catching Al's eye as I turned back around to face the teacher. I knew the decision I needed to make but something in me knew it went against my better judgment. "Are you coming to dinner?" Rose asked as we moved out of the classroom.
"I'm going to head to the library and start this essay before detention," I lied. "I'll catch up with you later," I tried to give her a heartfelt smile as I walked up the corridor knowing full well she didn't buy it. I found myself suddenly needing to be alone, needing a clear head to make the biggest decision of my life. I moved to a secluded area of the library and sat down in the window seat looking out across the castle grounds. I needed to have come to a decision before I saw Al that evening otherwise I wasn't sure I'd ever get an opportunity again to get him back. I missed him so much, I wanted more than anything to have him back in my life but at the expense of my heart, I wasn't so sure.
"Rose said I would find you here," James' voice called from behind me. I sighed and turned to face the last person I wanted to see right now. He was standing awkwardly between the bookshelves, running his hand through his hair like he always did when he was nervous. He looked so handsome, so perfect; I just wanted to run into his arms and forget all of this ever happened. I needed to pull myself together; I was only making it harder on myself thinking those things. "She's worried about you, is everything okay?"
"I wish people would stop worrying about me, I'm stronger than I look." I snapped, throwing my legs off the side of the bench, leaving him space to sit down.
"I know that," He said softly taking the vacant seat, "I probably should've spoken to you sooner about what happened with you and Cressida-
"I know that we should probably talk about it at some point, but right now isn't the time," I said swiftly, interrupting him. He nodded and reached out to grab my hand.
"Okay," He replied simply. He looked down at our intertwined fingers and smiled sadly. "Do you ever think we could be together, properly?" He looked up at me and I suddenly realised how close his face was to my own; how easy it would be to lean across and kiss his soft lips. I turned my head and looked down at my shoes.
"Albus wants to be my friend again," I said after a moment, deciding it was probably best to ignore his question.
"That's great," He smiled, "What changed his mind?"
"He's given me some…conditions," I hesitated, not meeting his eyes.
"What kind of conditions?" I saw James frown; he dropped my hand and waited for me to answer.
"Nothing too bad," I lied.
"Hannah…"
"Look, I've been friends with Al for six years," I started, jumping off the window ledge and pacing the alcove. I could feel the tears I had been holding off all day coming back. "I need him back in my life, I need him to be Albus again," I said desperately turning to face the older Potter who looked conflicted.
"But at what expense," He said quietly.
"You know what," I replied. He sighed and looked down at the floor. "I don't know what to do," I cried desperately.
"It seems you've already made your decision," James said standing up.
"James please don't do this." He made to move past me but I grabbed onto his arm not letting him move away from me. "This is the most difficult thing I've ever had to do in my life."
"I know how I feel about you Hannah and I thought you felt the same way." He said quietly, looking down at me sadly.
"This is so much bigger than me and you. This is about Albus, about getting him back to how he used to be, about my friendship with him, about not destroying your family." I said, feeling the tears fall down my checks.
"And what happened to fighting for us," James hissed. I felt my breath catch in my throat as a quiet sob escaped my lips. James lifted my chin softly and wiped a tear from my cheek. "I want you, Hannah," He whispered. I could feel his breath against my lips and I looked up to meet his intense gaze. I knew at that moment the decision I was going to make and it took all of my strength to shake my head and pull away from him.
"I'm sorry," was all I could trust myself to say. I turned on the spot and didn't look back once as I left the library, holding it together as I turned around the corner finally allowing the tears to fall down my cheeks as James Potter's broken face flooded my mind.
Albus was already in detention when I arrived. Instead of having his back to me like normal, he had chosen a seat close to where I normally sat, facing me. I wanted more than anything to be happy about this change but all I kept thinking about was how broken James had looked when I left him. I sat down in my chair and grabbed my notes not saying anything to Albus, not fully trusting what would come out of my mouth. It was half an hour later when he bit the bullet himself.
"Have you made your decision?" He said quietly. I turned my head to look at him and was met with the same emotionless expression I had been seeing all week. I sighed and nodded but still didn't talk. "Do I get to know this decision?" He asked after a moment.
"I choose you, Albus," I said quietly, not daring to meet his eyes.
"Okay," Was all he responded, I wanted to take it back immediately but knew that it would only make the situation worse. "Have you spoken to James?"
"I've sorted it," I replied through gritted teeth.
"How do I know-
"Albus," I interrupted loudly, "I said I've sorted it."
"Okay," He said again and went back to his work. We continued the detention in silence once again, I didn't want to talk and I don't think Albus knew where to start. In any case, it didn't really feel like there had been any shift between us and I was trying desperately not to think too much into why. Professor Longbottom came and gave us our freedom an hour later reminding us that we had one more detention the next day and unlike he had all week, Albus waited for me to collect my things and we left the room together.
"It's been weird not speaking to you," He said as we walked down the corridor, I glanced at him not really knowing what to say.
"I know," I replied, keeping my voice level trying to hide my emotions the best I could.
"Do you think we will ever go back to normal?" He asked, stopping for a moment and looking worriedly at me. I looked up at my old friend and sighed.
"Honestly," I said in spite of my better judgment, "No I don't," I saw his face fall slightly. "Do you think you'll ever forgive me?" I asked.
"Do you think you'll ever forgive me?" He said sadly. I considered him for a moment, before sighing and reaching a hand out to squeeze his arm comfortingly.
"Baby steps," I said quietly looking at my friend once again. I tried to give him a soft smile but I knew it must've come across more of a grimace. Al looked down at my hand and then met my eyes, offering me the most genuine smile I had seen on his face in months.
"Baby steps," He agreed.
A month later, I found myself sitting on the end of Roses bed at her home in London on the last weekend of the Easter Holidays. A month had passed since Albus had made me choose between him and James and our relationship had gone somewhat back to normal to everyone's confusion except Albus, James, and I. I had spent the majority of the Easter Holidays at my parent's house enjoying the break away from the wizarding world and my friends. Rose had questioned me every opportunity she got on what had happened between me and Al, which had driven me insane. I was extremely close to not stopping at her house as agreed during the holidays but I think Scorpius had a word and she let it drop a few days before we broke up for Easter.
School was going well once again and the reserves vs first team games had been a success during the last week of term, Gryffindor winning every match of course. We had our last match against Slytherin the first week back and I had spent my holiday prepping for it. We were in with a big chance of winning the house cup if we won by a significant margin, something I was more than willing to do.
Although my relationship with Al had taken a turn for the better, my relationship with James was now none existent, much to the disgust of the entire Weasley clan besides Albus Potter. We had barely said two words to each other since the night in the Library, only remaining professional during practise and civil if we found ourselves near each other in a family setting. It had been painful and heartbreaking to let him go and a part of me wanted him back so desperately but it was too late. I knew he would never forgive me for choosing Al over him, for not fighting for us. Their relationship was better now, but I knew James hated his brother for making me choose and often I would see them arguing quietly together, stopping whenever I would come into view.
"Have you spoken to Al much recently?" Rose said grabbing the chocolates from in between us and stuffing one in her mouth.
"Not really. He wrote to me but I just needed some space. It is extremely intense getting Albus Potter back into your life after nearly two months. He has felt the need to update me on every part of his life since we feel out, including a very vivid sex dream he had about the giant squid in the lake," I rambled, grimacing at the memory.
"That's disgusting," Rose replied, screwing up her face at the thought.
"You're telling me," I smirked and helped myself to some chocolate.
"He wanted us to stop there this evening," She said after a moment. "Scorpius is going to be there and I was wondering if you wanted to go because I haven't seen Scorpius for two weeks and would really like to see him," She said quickly not meeting my eye. I sighed loudly.
"Rose we can go you know you don't have to go all high pitched and nervous on me. I don't mind going to see our friends for merlin sake; you aren't leading me to my death." I said jumping off the bed and grabbing my shoes.
"I just didn't want to make it awkward, I know you and James aren't getting on at the moment," She explained pulling on her own shoes.
"Well if Al has anything to do with it I don't think James will be around us much," I said without thinking. Rose stopped collecting her things and turned to face me.
"What's that supposed to mean?" She asked, a frown creased across her forehead.
"Nothing, I just meant Al doesn't like James hanging around us when we all together," I rambled, trying to backtrack.
"Hannah?" Rose said quietly, her eyes pinned on me.
"Rose, drop it please let's just go and see the boys."
We left the house, walking down the street to a more secluded area to apparate from. We appeared on the Potter's doorstep a moment later, Rose a little breathless as she hadn't become as accustom to the sensation since only passing the week before. I knocked the door sharply feeling Rose watching me hesitantly.
"Please talk to me Hannah," She said quietly. The door opened and James Potter stood in front of us looking between us with confusion. My annoyance with Rose quickly evaporated, being replaced by the same hopeless feeling I always had nowadays around James. I didn't dare trust myself to meet his gaze as I looked down to the floor hoping Rose would speak for the both of us. Not seeing James in two weeks had made me forget the effect he had on me and seeing him looking as handsome as ever only made me regret everything that had happened.
"Let us in James," Rose sighed after a moment. I felt him look to me once more before stepping aside and letting us pass.
"They're in the drawing room," He said shutting the door behind me. Rose smiled at him and moved to the door leaving us both alone in the hallway. I hesitated before following her; wanting to, needing to say so much to the boy in front of me. I heard him sigh and move towards the stairs.
"It's good to see you," I said quietly. I wasn't even sure he heard it but he stopped in his tracks, one foot on the bottom of the stairs.
"Al will be waiting," He replied not turning around to face me but continuing to walk up the stairs. His words echoed in my ears as I followed Rose into the drawing room, trying desperately to hide the pain that was so prominent in my heart.
"Hannah," Albus said coming over to me smiling madly. We both hesitated for a moment before he wrapped his arms around me, holding me tightly. The physical displays of affection we were used to showing each other before everything happened had not returned over the weeks leading up to the holidays but he had hugged me on the last day, something that made me nearly burst into tears. "It's good to see you," He said pulling away and looking down at me. I plastered on a fake smile and hoped he brought it.
"Hi Scorp," I said going over to my Slytherin friend who had Rose Weasley wrapped around his middle.
"You okay Hannah?" He said frowning slightly; he was always so observant. I nodded hastily and sat on the armchair near my friends. Rose started talking about the homework we had over the holidays and I was more than fine just listening to the conversation rather than participating. It had taken a few weeks for the four of us to fall back into our old dynamic, Rose and Scorpius confused at the complete sudden change of events; especially without any explanation. However, it had been a welcomed distraction to throw myself into sorting out our friendship group.
"Where are your parents Al?" I asked a few hours later. We had decided to stop over the night and go with the Potters in the morning. Mr Weasley had sent over our luggage ready for returning back to school. It had been a few hours since we had arrived and I hadn't seen either of the Potters.
"They are at some conference thing, they will be here in the morning but we are meant to look after ourselves tonight." He said shrugging, placing a card on the pile. I nodded in response and stood up.
"I'm going to get a drink. Does anyone want anything?" I said to my friends they all grumbled their responses as I left the room moving to the kitchen. The house was dark now and I was suddenly overwhelmed with the feeling that someone was watching me whilst I made myself a cup of tea. I turned around to see the youngest of the Potters standing in the doorway.
"Shit Lily!" I said jumping violently, "You scared me half to death," I chuckled nervously. She didn't say anything as she moved to sit at the table.
"Have you had a good holiday?" I asked politely trying to make conversation. Since myself and Albus had become friends again my relationship with some of the Weasley's had been strained, including the younger Potter. I dreaded to think what James had been saying to them about me, but whatever it was I knew it wasn't good.
"It was okay, better than James' anyway," Lily said with a frown, playing with the sugar bowl on the table. I shook my head and busied myself in the kitchen trying to ignore her comment.
"Do you fancy a tea?" I asked after a moment, she nodded and I worked in silence for a moment before placing her mug in front of her. I hesitated before sitting down opposite her.
"You and Al are friends again," She stated simply.
"Yes,"
"And you and James are…nothing now,"
"Yes,"
"What the hell happened?" She said her voice rising slightly.
"Sorry Lily, but I don't think that's any of your business," I replied, my annoyance getting the better of me.
"I thought you were going to fight for him," She said flippantly.
"Yes well…things change," I said with a shrug, trying not to let my emotions get the better of me.
"I thought you loved him, has that changed?" She asked softly. I broke her gaze and busied myself with my cup. "He's broken-hearted Hannah," She added.
"Well he's not the only," I said annoyingly, standing up to leave the room.
"Then why are you doing this," Lilly said standing up as well. At that moment Albus Potter burst into the room with a look of worry across his face, he looked between Lily and I and his expression softened.
"I wondered where you got to," He said with a fake smile plastered on his face. I felt my anger rise quickly and I rolled my eyes moving towards him, knowing what I was about to say was not going to help the situation one bit but it was out of my mouth before I could stop it.
"I wasn't with James so you don't have to worry," I sniped. He frowned and looked at Lily who just shrugged at her brother.
"What's that supposed to mean?" He asked.
"It means I'm keeping to our agreement so you don't have to check on me Albus'," I snapped, walking past him.
"What agreement is she talking about Albus?" I heard Lily ask her brother as I walked into the hallway.
"Drop it Lily…Hannah wait!" Albus called from behind me. I ignored him and went to move into the drawing room only to find Rose and Scorpius standing in the doorway.
"I thought I heard shouting," Rose said frowning at me. I rolled my eyes and tried to look for my escape away from Albus but I was cornered.
"What agreement are you talking about Hannah?" Lily asked loudly from behind her brother. I looked at Albus and then at Rose who looked in shock. I sighed and shook my head.
"It doesn't matter," I said sadly.
"It obviously does Hannah," Scorpius interceded. James decided at that moment to come walking down the stairs, his face screwed up in confusion at the sight of us all standing in the hallway.
"What's going on?" He asked, looking between me and Albus.
"It doesn't matter, can everyone drop it now please," I said loudly.
"No, I won't." Lily defied, stepping around her brother and in front of me, "Hannah Marshall you tell us right now what is going on. I don't care if you hurt someone's feelings, this needs to be sorted once and for all. I'm sick of it," She said her face going slightly red and her hair swinging madly behind her.
"Lily, please don't make me do this," I said desperately. She glowered at me and I glanced at Albus who looked in a panic.
"If you don't tell us, I will lock all three of you in a room until it is sorted do you understand?" Rose snapped. I looked at my friend and then at the two Potter brothers; I was at a loss.
"That's probably for the best, I don't see how this fucking mess can be sorted out any other way," I said quietly feeling everyone's eyes on me.
"Albus gave Hannah some conditions," James stated after a moment.
"You told him?" Albus shouted incredulously.
"Not everything," I replied sheepishly. I don't know why I felt so guilty but somehow I felt like telling James what Al was making me do had betrayed Al further. Rose sighed and moved in front of me, blocking both of the boys from view and offering me what I assumed was supposed to be a supportive smile.
"What were the conditions Hannah?" She asked softly. I shook my head at her and bit my bottom lip nervously. I knew that telling everyone would make them all angry at Albus and I just couldn't bare that; they just wouldn't understand. I knew exactly why Al asked me to choose and in his shoes, I feel like everyone would have done the same.
"I can't tell you Rose," I whispered, looking past her to offer a sad smile to Albus who looked visibly upset. Rose stared at me and then to Scorpius who turned to Al.
"Albus, what did you ask her to do?" He said looking at his best friend. Al glanced at me for a moment and then to his brother on the stairs and sighed deeply, like a man who had the weight of the world on his shoulders. I wanted to wrap him in my arms and tell him it didn't matter what had happened. I wanted to take his pain and heart break away and tell him it was going to be okay. I wanted to take back everything that had happened and tell my best friend how much I loved him and how I would never ever hurt him again. I felt my eyes well up and I moved around Rose towards my friend who looked so broken.
"It's okay Al," I said softly, reaching out my hands to hold his. "I understood why you wanted me to do it and that's all that's important," He looked down at me and I saw the tears shinning in the green eyes I had missed so much. Everyone around us was quiet watching our interaction with bated breath.
"I just didn't want to hurt again Han," He whispered, letting a tear slip down his cheek. I reached up and wiped it away, leaving my hand in place, holding his face gently. "I'm so sorry Hannah," He said, a sob escaping his lips as he wrapped himself around my body and cried painfully into my shoulder. I felt my own tears fall down my cheeks as I held my broken friend, trying desperately to take away the pain I had caused.
"We'll give you two some time," Someone's voice said from behind us. I heard doors opening and closing and I knew that we were finally alone. I lost track of how long we stood there in the Potter's hallway, wrapped around each other, crying into each other's shoulder. Al pulled away from me and took my hand leading me upstairs to his room. We sat quietly on his bed looking at each other sadly. Al reached up to my cheek and wiped a tear away smiling slightly through his own.
"We need to get a grip," He chuckled, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand.
"Tell me about it, I feel like I've cried enough for a lifetime," I said with a sad smile. He looked at me, his expression faltering slightly.
"That just makes me sad,"
"Cut it out, I thought we were meant to be getting a grip," I said tapping him slightly on the arm.
"I don't like that you've been hurting Hannah, you're my best friend,"
"I don't like that I hurt you, I hate that I hurt you," I retorted, ducking my head slightly in shame.
"I don't think I handled it well at all," He said softly. I looked up at him, his face screwed up in a sharp frown and his eyes still shinning with tears. I reached out my hand and took his, stroking the back of it with my thumb.
"I don't think anyone handled it well Al, especially me." I said softly, averting my eyes away from him to try and hide the shame. "I tried so hard not to hurt you and in the end, there was no avoiding the pain I was going to cause you. I was selfish and stupid and you paid the price."
"Don't be daft," He ducked his head to find my eyes. "You love him?" I bit my lip nervously and nodded, "Then I don't think you were being stupid." I looked at him in shock for a moment; he gave me a weak smile.
"I'm so sorry Al," Was all I could bring myself to say.
"I know you are," He replied, "I forgave you the moment I found out but I am so dam stubborn," He chuckled. I felt tears in my eyes once again and gave him a watery smile. He looked at me for a moment before taking a deep breath and leaning over to rummage through his top draw. He pulled out a screwed up piece of parchment and flattened it out in front of us. "When I found the letter, I felt like my heart was breaking into a million pieces," He started.
"Al…" I said shaking my head and reaching out for the letter.
"Please just let me talk Hannah," He gave me a soft reassuring smile. "I'm not having a go, I promise." I looked at him for a moment before pulling my hands back onto my lap and nodding. "When I found the letter, I felt like my heart was breaking into a million pieces." He continued, "Everything he wanted he got: Captain of the Quidditch Team, Head Boy, good grades, popularity, favourite son and now...you. He finally had everything he could possibly want." Al frowned slightly, not taking his eyes off the parchment in front of him, like it was his lifeline. "I was so angry. I actually thought I was going to kill him." He looked up at me, guilt swimming in his eyes. "How could I think that Hannah? What kind of monster believes that he would kill his own brother," A tear fell down his cheek and he wiped it away hastily. I reached out and took his hand back in mine, squeezing it softly; telling him I was here, telling him I was listening.
"I've been trying to make sense of all my feelings. I've been so angry and so broken; I thought I was going mad. But through it all, I knew the one person who could make me feel normal, feel like me again, was the one person he took from me." I felt my own tears falling down my cheeks again at Al's confession. I thought he was just angry because I feel in love with his brother and we hid it from him, but it was so much deeper than that.
"He didn't take me, Al, I'm still here." I gave him a soft smile which, thankfully, he returned.
"I know that now, but it has taken time." He looked at the letter again. "I shouldn't have kept it, I know that, but it has helped me try and make sense of all this mess, helped me make sense of my feelings. I don't think my love for you was what I thought it was and I understand that now."
"How do you mean?" I asked.
"I think I loved the idea of me and you. I loved the idea of us being like Rose and Scorpius when we are nothing like those two. I think I talked myself into being in love with you because it was the only way I could understand exactly why you meant so much to me. Losing you made put everything into perspective," He gave me a sad smile, "I don't think I could ever live without you Hannah, I tried to and it all but killed me." He said softly. It took me everything not to break down into hysterical crying right there and then. I gulped and bit back the sobs that I could feel building in my throat.
"I can't live without you either Al, you are my best friend how can I?" I replied quietly. We were both quiet for a moment.
"I shouldn't have asked you to choose," He whispered, "I knew you would choose me and that's why I did it. I didn't care about breaking your heart or James'. I cared about protecting my own and having my best friend back. I'm so sorry Hannah," He ducked his head in shame.
"Al," He looked up and met my eyes, "I told you downstairs that I understand. I know exactly why you did what you did and don't blame you or hate you or need you to apologise," I said softly. "I just needed you to be Al again; I would always choose your happiness over mine."
"I know you would," He took a deep breath and shook his head glancing at the ceiling before meeting my eyes with a smile, "I don't want you to do that anymore Hannah," I frowned slightly.
"What do you mean?"
"I want you, Hannah Marshall, to put your happiness before mine, before anyone else's." He gave me the biggest smile, but I was still so confused.
"I want you to be happy Hannah, I love you and I want you to be happy." It finally clicked; he was giving me his blessing. I shook my head.
"At what expense Al; your own happiness; our friendship; your own family?" I replied in disbelief.
"At no expense Hannah," He took my hand in his, "You aren't ever going to lose me Hannah Marshall, even if you grow three heads. I can't live without you." He looked at me so intensely I wanted desperately to look away. "You are my soulmate Hannah and you deserve to be happy. If it is my brother that makes you happy then…okay" I studied his expression for a moment, waiting for him to start shouting or crying but instead he just looked at me, so honest and full of hope. I felt the tears coming back.
"What changed?" I said quietly, still not quite believing what I was hearing.
"Apart from realising that I was a fucking selfish idiot?" He joked. "Your letter Hannah, I know I shouldn't say it anymore but I am very much in love with you too," I felt myself blush slightly. "We both agreed that we couldn't live without each other but here you are laying that all on the line because you love someone, Merlin, even I'm not an idiot to know that that doesn't count for something." He smiled at me softly and I tried to judge if there was any resentment or bitterness left there, but all I could see was his smile, "I want you to be happy."
"And what about James, do you want him to be happy as well?" I asked quietly. Al sighed and leaned back slightly.
"That is for me and him sort out," He said after a moment, his tone changing slightly. "But Hannah, we will sort it out and no doubt it will make us stronger than ever. I mean we both love you for crying out loud, we're just too bloody similar for our own good," He smiled kindly at me and lay down pulling me into his side. We were both quiet for a while as I watched his chest move up and down with his breathing, feeling incredibly happy to be lying there with him again, trying not to let the niggling reminder that James still hated me spoil the moment.
"I feel like I can breathe again," Al whispered. I smiled into his chest but didn't offer a reply, just content to be in Al's happiness. We lay there for what felt like an eternity before I heard Al's breathing getting deeper and deeper, looking up and seeing he had fallen asleep, thankfully with a smile on his face. I slipped off the bed quietly and grabbed a throw to cover him with. I turned the light off and stood in the doorway watching my friend sleep more peacefully than he had in months.
"Everything okay?" Rose asked as I walked into our shared room, Scorpius was lying on the end of her bed when I arrived and sat up as I walked in.
"Everything's okay," I said with a soft smile. Rose sighed deeply and came over to hug me tightly.
"I knew you would sort it eventually, you love each other too much." She said wisely.
"What has he said about you and James?" Scorp asked walking over to us. He wrapped an arm around my shoulder as Rose pulled away.
"He wants me to be happy," I replied softly, looking up at my blonde friend who beamed down at me.
"About bloody time," He said with a smile. I shrugged and pulled away from him, moving to sit on my bed. I could hear the two of them communicating wordlessly behind me and rolled my eyes.
"That's good isn't it Hannah?" Rose said coming to sit next to me on the bed. I looked down and my lap and sighed deeply.
"I suppose so but-
"But nothing, go and be with him Hannah," She grabbed my hand and squeezed it encouragingly.
"I can't," I sighed, feeling a tear fall down my cheek.
"Why? Al's giving you the go ahead, go and take advantage of that." Scorpius said sitting the other side of me and wrapping an arm around my shoulder.
"I chose Al over him," I said finally, they both looked at me confused. "The condition that Al wanted was for me to choose-
"I swear to Merlin that boy is making it very difficult for me not to kill him," Rose muttered under her breathe.
"No, it's okay. I know why he wanted me to and it's sorted now its fine. But-
"But now you choose Al over James," She finished sadly. I nodded and tried to wipe the tears away.
"I didn't fight for us, I let us go." I whispered, "I don't think I can get him back from that." They were both quite for a moment, nobody really sure what to say.
"Have you read the letter yet Hannah?" Rose asked. I shook my head. "Read the letter before you start jumping to any conclusions," She offered.
"But I broke his heart-
"And if I remember rightly he broke yours," Scorp offered, I frowned remembering back to catching him and Cressida in the stairwell.
"He loves you Hannah," Rose smiled, "Don't give up just yet."
A/N: Thanks again for reading!
I can't believe there is only three more left! I am currently toying with the idea of a prologue, not quite ready to give these characters up. We'll see how it goes.
There might be a delay in getting the next chapter up as work is building up and I think I need to add a few things to the next chapters for better continuity overall. Hopefully, it will be with you in the next few days.
Thanks once again for all the love and support!
Jadeannkneeky