AN: Hello, lovies! I know it's been awhile since this first started, and my original intent was to donate each chapter to a chairty compilation, but I think we've all waited long enough. No promises on how long it will take me, but I'm going to just write and finish this without waiting for compilations to pop up. I don't know about you guys, but I want to see this through to it's conclusion. Thank you all for your patience, understanding, and reviews! Much love! ~Shel

This chapter was donated to the Babies at the Border Compilation, which raised over $10K to help children and families which were separated at the United States/Mexico border. I was honored and thrilled to have been able to be a part of this amazing fandom effort to help make this world a safer place for all of our children. 3

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Chapter 6: Feel Good Drag

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Bella's ass rises off the mattress, and her moans sound like music to my ears. Even though we've seen each other a half dozen times since we made our "arrangement," I still can't get enough of her. I want to feel her legs wrapped around my hips, her lips against my own.

"Edward," she begs in a throaty voice, "harder, please!"

I can't deny her request even if I wanted to. This girl has me completely wrapped around her finger, and she doesn't even realize it.

I press her hips back down into the mattress, pounding harder, like she asked. A spike of pleasure shoots through my abdomen as I watch her eyes roll into the back of her head. Her breathing quickens, and her moans turn into incoherent noises, which push me into a frenzy.

"F-f-fuck," she groans as she convulses around my cock.

I speed up slightly, my balls ready to release their load, but her soft voice freezes me in my place.

"Come on my chest."

If I hadn't been about to blow before, I'm definitely ready when she says that. Right the fuck now. In this instance, I can't tell if the flush on her face is embarrassment for being so bold or from just having orgasmed. I'm not wasting the time to figure it out and quickly resume sliding in and out of her warmth.

At the last possible second, I pull out of her and quickly move up her body, whipping off my condom in the process. With one arm leaning against the wall and the other stroking my cock, I explode across her breasts, leaving a milky white trail against her skin. I close my eyes briefly, breathing in heavy pants. When I look into her eyes again, she's wearing a mischievous smile and absentmindedly running her index finger through the pearlescent cum on her chest.

"You're trying to kill me, aren't you?" I ask, trying to catch my breath.

She licks her lips and winks. "But what a way to go?"

With a short laugh, I let my body fall on the bed next to her as she leans over and picks up a discarded piece of clothing from the floor to wipe off her chest. When she's finished, Bella lays her head against my shoulder.

"Any plans for today?" she asks in a quiet voice.

It's a bright and sunny Saturday morning, the first I've woken up with her in my bed since that first time months ago. I shrug lightly, knowing she can feel the movement.

"Not really. You?"

She shakes her head and the air gets heavy with unspoken words. Except for our first tryst, things have never been awkward between us. It's an odd feeling. I don't like it.

"Do you think… Maybe we could... Never mind." She cuts herself off before finishing the thought.

"What? What would you like to do?" I ask as I turn to lie on my side, gazing at her face. The apples of her cheeks are slightly pink, and her dark russet hair is deliciously disheveled around her shoulders. At that moment, I think I would do anything to ease her discomfort.

"I was wondering if maybe we could enact the friend part of our relationship. I mean, the benefits part has been spectacular, but I'd like to hang out sometime away from your bed, maybe do something fun." She laughs lightly, and the sound makes my heart swell.

I should say no. This is supposed to be uncomplicated sex, but the more time I spend around Bella, the more I want her to complicate my life. It's dangerous, especially when I'm still harboring feelings for another woman. Because try as I might, as angry as I feel about what happened, I still love my ex. I could never trust her or be involved with her again, but she still owns my heart. Yet, with all of that rolling around in my head, I still nod and agree.

"That sounds like a plan. Any ideas? Do you bowl? Maybe we could get some lunch first, then try out the new place on Fifth."

Her eyes light up and I can't help smiling. "That sounds perfect. Do you think I could use your laptop while you get ready? I want to catch up on a couple of work emails real quick."

"Sure, go right ahead."

She leans over and picks up my shirt, only buttoning a few in the middle before sauntering out of the room. Stretching my arms over my head, I stand and head down to the bathroom. I'm mid-piss when I remember the background on my laptop. "Shit." I grab a towel and wrap it around my waist before jetting into the living room. She's sitting on my couch, staring at the picture of a platinum blonde with ice blue eyes. Bella's warm brown eyes meet mine, and there's an emotion in there that I can't quite decipher, but it tugs at something in my chest.

"This is the ex, I'm assuming?" she asks softly.

"Yes." I nod. "Her name is Tanya. We met freshman year at college. She was beautiful, intelligent, and perfect." I couldn't keep the scorn out of my voice even if I had wanted to. "At least that's what I thought back then. We'd been together officially for five years and engaged for six months the day I came home early from a conference to find her and Emmett together in our bed."

I try to swallow down the pain that lodges itself in my throat as Bella gazes at the picture on the screen in front of her.

"Hmm," she murmurs. "Yet you still have her picture set up so that you see her every time you open this?" She sounds so sad, and the last thing I want from her is her pity, so I try to make light of the situation.

"I guess that makes me a masochist," I say with a chuckle. She meets my eyes and gives me a sad smile. I don't know why it matters so much, but suddenly I want Tanya's picture gone. I walk over and sit next to her on the couch, gently taking the laptop from her hands. With a few clicks, the background is changed to a night sky view of stars.

"You didn't have to do that," she says softly, but her eyes betray her.

I lean forward and cup her cheek gently with my palm, angling her face toward mine. "I wanted to," I whisper against her lips, just before touching them in a gentle kiss. I've never kissed Bella before without it being a part of sex, so this is an entirely new experience. Something flutters in my chest, and as I pull away, I look down to see her eyes closed and a small smile on her lips.

Awkwardly, I jump to my feet and back away. I feel like a cornered animal for some reason. I need to take a step back and compose myself before I say or do anything stupid. "Um, okay, then. I'm just going to shower real quick. Then do you want to use it? Or stop by your place to get changed?"

Bella looks slightly confused, and I honestly can't blame her. I don't want to come across as hot and cold, but I also don't want to lead her on. As much as I may want to move on past Tanya, I know I'm not there yet. It wouldn't be fair to either one of us starting a romantic relationship with baggage still attached.

"We can swing by my apartment on the way, if that's okay." She shakes her head slightly before clicking away on my laptop. I take that as my cue to leave and head into the bathroom.

Thirty minutes later I'm wandering around Bella's tiny apartment that she shares with her friend, Jane. It's two bedrooms, one bath, and has the smallest kitchen I've ever seen. But it's cozy and warm, much like Bella herself. Unlike my sterile apartment, there are pictures everywhere here. I'm browsing some on her bookshelf when I'm drawn to one in particular.

There's a framed photo of Bella with three men, two older and one around her age. It's clear that one of the men is her father; their resemblance is too striking. The other two look like father and son as well. Both Indigenous with long black hair, the only difference is the older one is seated in a wheelchair.

"That was taken on my eighteenth birthday. Jake and I had just told our parents we were going to be moving in together while I went to college upstate. They were already best friends, so they were thrilled that their kids would be together."

I looked over to the doorway where Bella is leaning. She smiles and walks over to take the photo from my hands. "I almost smashed the shit out of this the night I walked in on him and Angela screwing around. I'm glad I didn't."

She must see the confusion written across my face.

"I guess you're wondering why, huh? We were best friends growing up. Our father's had us coupled up all of the time since they were best friends themselves, and we just grew into our relationship. Everyone expected it anyway, so I just went along with it even though I knew I didn't love him like I was supposed to."

"Supposed to?"

"I wasn't really attracted to him. Sure, he's handsome, but my heart didn't flutter when I was around him. It was more friendship than a passionate love."

"Is that how love is supposed to feel? Like fluttering?" She looks at me strangely, and I regret putting my thoughts into words.

"Crazy love, yes," Bella replied with conviction. "It's supposed to feel like your heart is going to beat out of your chest, like it hurts to be away from them for too long. You want only them, and anyone else is just a poor substitute. They make you mad; they make you laugh and cry and forget all of the bad shit going on around you." She taps her chest. "I want that. Someday. And I'm pissed that I let myself settle for less than that."

She's so beautiful when she's passionate about something. She's like that when she's talking about work at the newspaper or when I'm playing her body like a violin. Although I much prefer the latter, any time I see her like that ignites something in me, but I force myself to tamp it down. I can't give her that, so why does she still want to be around me? Unless it really is all about sex to her, and that thought depresses me a little. Nevertheless, I shake it off and decide to have fun with her today. There's time enough for the heavy stuff when I'm alone and in my own head space. Sometimes, that's not a good thing.

She shakes her head and places the frame back on the shelf. "Enough of that bullshit. I'm starving. Shall we?" She gestures toward the door and I comply easily. I want to leave the heavy conversation behind as eagerly as she does. I resolve to empty my mind and heart of anything non-Bella related for the rest of the day. I want nothing more than to enjoy her company, light-hearted and free, for as long as possible.

I just hope it'll be enough.

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Many thanks to chaya sara for betaing this chapter! She's been absolutely amazing!