Write date:10-14; 10-17
Being on a school trip- best time to post! Thank you Thor14 for reviewing,
Thor14:Yea, I m a noob, i'm trying to fix this, thanks. Practise makes perfect.(Wait for the end of this chapt, I'll explain it later ;) )
Alright~! Let's get this over with :)
X X X
Chapter 6: Heavenly forbidden waltz
"Could you share?" Soubi seemed intrigued. Warmness out of his cold, self-centred sensei unheared of. It was worth the listening.
" It happened few months ago..." Nagisa's tearstained eyes fluttered closed. The female wanted to recall that vivid night, she dreamt over and over again, to a point where it did not seem real anymore, it was too embarassing to be true...but it happened, it really did. If only the great clock had ceased to tick somewhere around those short hours, allowing Nagisa to enjoy it infinitely...
"There was a ball, we as the authority had to attend and there was no backing out."
-Four months ago-
The main hall had been crowded with people, like never before. It was the annual student graduation ceremony In which most of the guests were the senior students, their family and friends. The whole room was filled with voices, laughter and music. The happiness just spread affecting everyone to forget about worries and live in the moment. Yes, to the dozens of families celebrating this event it was a precious memory. What did it had to do with Nagisa?
The woman was leaning at the wall dressed in a black of-the-shoulder dress with long loose sleeves. A white belt on her waist.
She stood with her arms crossed, frequently glancing up at the wall clock hoping it could speed the hours past. She had more important things to do, then just wander in a party that was not meant to her. In addition there weren't even people worth chatting with, they were all family members and acquaintancies like they give a damn about somesort of a nurse, who wasn't reliated to their students. Well,she shouldn't wish for gold in a pile of dirt, all people were egoistical, there was no escaping from that fact...
The worst thing Nagisa couldn't even skip it half way like she did in the past years, because Ritsu got sick of doing the ceremonial lectures at the end of the ball, alone. So he forced most of the Septimal Moon members to give a speech as well and handle the diplomas all together. Bullshit! He was just lazy of speaking for a few hours or so...
Nagisa noticed the music getting louder and people gathering in the middle away from the tables. Dancing.
'Just perfect' it could not get any more lonely and boring than that. And eventually the non stop racket will kill her ear drums for sure.
She tilted her eyes to the side, her gaze catching Ritsu slowly walking toward her, wearing a grey suit coat on top of his white buttoned down shirt.Guess his company went away. Nagisa smirked, so that was how a dull Ritsu looked like.
She shifted so she would be standing straight. The headmaster will likely chat her up as the last attempt to cure boredom,because there was no way he'd be concerned in the never ending little pleadings,praisings and comments, that did not spun around him.
Nagisa closed her eyes, hearing the tapping of Ritsu's shoes get closer. As they reached the climax she shut her eyes tighter expecting an insult or barking... It passed? Nagisa fluttered her one eye.
"Asshole!"She exclaimed blushing, as she watched him walk away.
"Nagisa do you know where is soap?" The blue haired woman blushed harder, as he growled not waiting for an answer." I believe you don't. It's in the bathroom please wash your mouth."
"Hah! Got nuts to lecture me! Where the hell are you walking off?!"
"What does it look like?" He chuckled behind his fingers." Cutting."
"Waaait!" Her eyes fired up in rage, as her hands slowly fell from her chest." You were planning to run off leaving the ceremonial duties to us?!"
"Oh, so you do have brains." Ritsu walked closer to her, leaning on his one leg as his height reduced to about the same level as Nagisa's. He glared at the woman."So you won't let me, will you?"
"Not a chance, stay here till it's time to speak." She pointed her finger fiercelly.
"Now someone doesn't know how to take things lightly." He snickered, but soon ceased, seeing that Nagisa did not spouted out a word anymore.
For a few minutes they stood quiet, periodically peeking at the clock until their eyes met again.
"Ah..." Nagisa dropped her gaze from an irritated Ritsu." You know you're not suppose to stand by me, join the majority."
"What?"
"Go on buggy yourself out." She flapped her fingers at him.
"Dance?... You want me to dance?"
"Yea?" Nagisa sounded confused." What's wrong with that. It's boring here anyway."
"You're bored."
"Wha? N.no! I'm just suggesting." The female scientist shook her head, her smile hiding a deeper emotion.
"But you know how to dance?" Ritsu pressed his lips.
"Of cource who wouldn't?"
"Well I don't..."
"What for real? You act so high and mighty, it never came to my mind."
"So you could teach me." He extended his hand. And there began the biggest twinge their feet ever faced.
"Ouch, Ritsu watch it!"
"I apologise..." the male apoligised, narrowing his eyes, while holding her hand and keeping the other on her waist, spinning around the dance floor.
"For a starter you wouldn't be that miserable if you watched my toes." Nagisa whined painfully, taking another step." And Ritsu you're suppose to take the lead, not me!"
"I'll try." the man promised, nodding.
Nagisa scoffed not comprehending Ritsu's last words, why? Hell, she felt so lost. It seemed they were all alone, in seclusion, darkness scratching at them as if wanting to threaten, scare perchance warn them, forcing the dancers to leave. Here no one disturbed this heavenly forbidden waltz. So romantic, yet so unreal and deeply melancholic. It could be seen as a sign from the devil himself offering the unholy affair-an unforgivable sin.
The female foreknew, she should not give in, but the temptation was unberable, she never felt him so close to her, feeling his strong hand lay loosely on her waist. For her, who never got a slightest affection from Ritsu, always considered a laughing stock, this was to much. Nagisa clenched her teeth, as the legs shivered. She preyed the fear wouldn't contaminate her all body...
Fear? What was she so afraid of? The headmaster wasn't scolding her, mocking her, shoving her with work or worse. They were just dancing, nothing wrong with that. Precisely. The problem layed somewhere else... In Nagisa's most deepest thoughts she wasn't sure she had. Those disgusting images polluted her mind.
She paled, gasping. There was something wrong with her, horribly wrong. She just hoped Ritsu would not notice how she desperatly avoided eye contact. Petrified if Ritsu's scrutinizing pupils would catch a fragment of her depraved, ugly thoughts. Never did Nagisa dreamt that her attraction to Ritsu would lead to such a fate.
Her vision became blurry, the woman felt her consciousness sliping away, her body falling.
"I have to stop this..." A thought ran around her head vanishing instantly."I...Have to... Fight..."
"Nagisa!" A sharp voice woke her up. Nagisa glanced up feeling Ritsu's arms around her, his warm body in contact, the thick smell of his deodorant. She just nuzzled grunting. It felt so good, she did not wanted to move from him. Though the man opposed, clutching her shoulders in order to pull her away. Nagisa's eyes shot open, she dug her nails at his shirt as a protest continuing to snuggle at the male's chest.
"Nagisa I'm not a pillow." Ritsu sighed, his eyes inspecting his surrounding, damn there would be gossip if someone saw this."Are you feeling alright?"
Nagisa released her hold receding then bowing suddenly.
"G.gomenasai." She shuddered.
"Its okay, you were pale as flour, maybe you're sick?"
"N.no. I'm fine, really." The blue-haired woman giggled shortly, pretending nothing had happened. The scientist gripped his hand."Let's continue, you need to learn how to dance after all!"
"Well, if you say so."
"I still can't understand why haven't you learned as a child,"Nagisa muttered half to herself, while sliding her feet.
"You seemingly don't remember do you?" Ritsu whispered, his voice sounding low, nearly a grumble. Nagisa glanced up at him, shaking her head, a deep thoughtfulness reflecting in her eyes.
The woman recalled that Ritsu wasn't fond of talking about the past, especially, if the subject touched his childhood. Appearantly he hadn't been on good terms with his family. Their perception of the world differ. The same bitterness shown in his eyes as he waltzed around. That meant nothinng had changed, he still despised them.
Nagisa bit her lip, ceasing her pupils from him. Poor Ritsu why only hatred and guilt had an open path to his heart. Why the gates were sealed to any other feelings? Feelings like love. Nagisa had a crush on him for several years now. But the principal had to be deaf and blind to not notice her flushing, her tone around him, or the rumours that were spread by Nana. No he hadn't sensed any difference...
Why? Why, damn it was he so cold and heartless? Didn't Ritsu understand how much suffering, sadness and distress he put on Nagisa's shoulders? Guess not... He wasn't capable of having simpathy for others. What was human to the intelligent majority-was trivia to him... Such a defected man he was...
Though that wasn't the most hideous part passionate love gifted her. The prolonged silence was the true killing process. The horror she could not bare anymore. Nagisa would rather that Ritsu pushed her away forever shattering her heart, or acknowledge her affection... No... No answer came... The despair and fear of the unknown continued-that was the price of this prolonging. It drove Nagisa insane.
Little by little she fell into the pit of misery and self loathing. Day by day nothing changed.
"No I don't." Nagisa admitted silently." I do not remember about your childhood."
"Then how did you knew I was talking about that period of my life?" Ritsu smirked, his eyes wandering the dancefloor.
"I didn't!"
"You're no good at lying," He shook his head." Remember my mother's death, when I was twelve?" He responded himself not waiting for an answer, Nagisa pouted her lips. "Of cource you do. There was a big ruckus all over Septimal Moon."
"And how is this reliated to you not knowing how to dance properly?"
"Because that incident messed up the whole year."
"How?" Nagisa enquired, flinching back from the surprise." I don't remember any change in you through out your teenage years."
"It's because I prefered to keep it to myself, I wasn't the one to want attention by weeping on the ground."
"Still, you should've talked it out." Nagisa insisted making a turn and forcing Ritsu to follow her pattern.
"You have no right to lecture me." Ritsu spouted out, escaping her stare.
"Stupid Ritsu!"
"As I was saying, my mother's death led me to quit nearly all of my learning processes, including dance or piano lessons." He rushed his speech, sighing at the end."There you got your explanation."
"So the death of your mother affected you that much?" Nagisa lowered her head." I wonder where is that sympathy now?"
"What is that suppose to mean?" Ritsu frowned, hissing as he heared something detestable, Nagisa's eyes widen in the process." You don't know what I've been through, hence you do not have a right to make assumptions about my life!"
The female dropped her gaze. There were no more words to shoot back. No need to go any further dwelling in the past. They already sank enough. And the atmosphere they made for themselves, rooted, killing the mood, greeting pessimism and guilt. The scientist just wanted to dash away right at the spot, not turning even once.
"Death wasn't the cause..." Ritsu murmured after a minute." My father 's beliefs were..."
"What?"
"In short, he almost lost it. Blaming the whole world for Tomoko's death. That bastard..." Ritsu snarled, his lips curving."He... well you get the point..."
Ritsu cutted his comment short, bitterness flashing in his eyes. Nagisa figured that the truth layed deeper than the empty words he uttered.
"I understand," Nagisa nodded, feeling Ritsu's shoulders straighten. The pressure in his eyes jabbing her, as if the blue haired female should've shutted her mouth. As if it was a grave mistake.
She faced down losing the courage to speak, why could he so easily anticipate her mind and control it,warp her thoughts into the most darkest alleys.
"Nagisa could you stop scratching your nails at my back?" Ritsu growled, ceasing to dance until Nagisa woke up from her thoughts, vacating her nails from the shoulder. The man glanced at her taking her hands again.
"If you have something to say, do it. But take note: your foolish criticism won't be welcomed."
"Well if that's the case, then," Nagisa halted thinking. Ritsu mumbed, waiting for her to finish."Then why do you despise your parents that much? They loved you,raising with effort and ambitions, pampered you , led you to studies and knowledge. They only wanted what's good for you! You should remember that and atleast not speak ill of them. It's like tarnishing their good names, staining their memorials!"
Nagisa exclaimed holding back anger, that was slowly leaking out. Ritsu seemed oblivious, probably not even listening, as he tilted his head to concentrate on the melody. That did not ward of Nagisa's snake's tongue though.
"And about your father's behaviour after Minami Tomoko's death, you should have understood his feelings, aid the trauma he faced.Atleast your father wasn't a heartless bastard you became. He probably lived his remaining life in hardships and pain, regardless you ignored him!" The man smirked at that, not cutting off Nagisa's rant."You're hideous Ritsu. Inside and out."
"You're done?" The male responded bluntly.
"I bet you haven't been to his death's anniversary, have you?"
"When?" Ritsu cocked an eyebrow.
"Last summer. I'm not surprised you didn't know" Nagisa gave up on the pointless quarrel. She won't change Ritsu, whatsmore she will not seed kindness in his heart's soil.
"Can't you just..." The scientist muttered." Respect them. They were the ones who gave birth to you. Without them you would not be standing here." Ritsu stared at Nagisa, beginning to snicker. The female watched as he attemted to control his laughter nearly bursting out.
"Oh!" Ritsu reattained his stance and compulsure." Your so naïve Nagisa." his eyes glinted with a deep emotion, as the pupils shrunk, he raised his head snarling."Who told you, I'm grateful for my birth?"
Nagisa's lips parted quivering. She gasped in disbelief and horror of that sentence.
"Yes." The silver haired male spat out inraged and low-spirited."Nagisa you heared correct. Don't ask for reassurance, you know perfectly well what I meant."The female shook her head, slightly trembling. She wished for Ritsu to stop with all her will." I crave for death, but I'll wait. The salvation will come soon enough."
"S.sal.vation? From what?"
"Myself. Just now I begin to realise what trash I am,worthless, but I will not change it, the surroundings, my job, my character, at the last part you, Nagisa, will not let me change. And actually, I don't have the will myself..." He paused inhaling.
"Fate will bring me salvation soon enough. But for now, lets enjoy ourselves..." Ritsu put on a fake smile changing the subject.
"But it's so wrong!" Nagisa insisted, yelling.
"What do you mean?"
"You can't say you're worthless. You did a lot of useful, honorable deeds..."
"Oh, you think?!" Ritsu raised his voice as well, cutting Nagisa off." I raped my student out of impulses, is that a good thing to you?"
Nagisa flushed, her mouth still open in shock. There was no opposition to that fact. Tears dripped down her face as she began sobbing. She rubbed her eyes that did not cease after she apologised to Ritsu for the childish behavior. Why was she crying? Why couldn't she stop those emotions?
As Nagisa was swallowed up in her thoughts, the woman did not notice how her feet got tangled and the high heels swayed forward. Nagisa crashed into Ritsu her lungs letting out a gasp. She glanced sideways, waiting for Ritsu's cold firm arms to remove her, throw her off like an insect. Though they didn't. So Nagisa exhaled trying to calm her pounding heart with the tears that were covering her face and ruinning her make up.
"Nagisa..."Ritsu whispered leaning to her ear."It's quite ridiculous and hard for me to admit, you're the only person I opened my thoughts to..." Nagisa listened snuggling into his chest.
"I can't comprehend how your foolish personality corrupts me like this. However," His voice became lower nearly a mutter."No one must know of the words exchanged this night. Understand? This will be a secret between you and me."
Nagisa felt her heart flutter. Ritsu was laying his sincere, fragile, yet twisted soul into her care. She could feel it's weakness, it's uncertianty. His voice did not hid, what Nagisa suspected, shuddering as well.
How can someone so strong on the outside, will and mind, be this corrupted on the far side of his thoughts? So frail, afraid... It seemed Ritsu's mind could break at any moment...
Nagisa nodded to his chest with a determined face. If Ritsu put his faith into her, she will not let him down. She will protect his secrets.
"And if anyone asks about your wet eyes, say I stomped your toes to tears."
"Agreed. Though I must say you're getting better." Nagisa admitted, snickering.
"Am I now?" Ritsu spun her, catching her long nailed fingers after and bringing her close.
Nagisa did not mind at all, she enjoyed his silent dominating actions, especialy when they revolved around her. For example, how he harsly landed his hand on her waist, smiling at the female. Nagisa adored that about him: his harsh arms, learning how to comfort, yet still cause hurt, his cold damaged eyes seeing no one else but himself and of cource his two-sided mind...
All of it was so imperfect, incomplete, as if the man had been reduced to a child still studying how to write or speak. So Nagisa felt blessed that she will be the one to see this growing process.
Ritsu's evolution into a human being.
All of a sudden the man chuckled. Nagisa blushed: had she done something wrong? She gazed around not spotting anything either. One conclusion.
"Ritsu are you feeling all right?"
"Just spotted a familiar face..."
Nagisa couldn't help but notice mockery in the principal's low voice.
She screeched as Ritsu suddenly tugged at her arm, dragging her all the way through the middle of the crowd, not avoiding other people, so they had to move out of the way to keep the 'traffic' flowing. Nagisa panicked, exclaiming. Until she saw a well known couple: her confused eyes were particuliary set on the blonde female with high pinned hair and long vivid red dress, nearly leaning at... No! this could not be possible...
"Nana..."
Nagisa trailed off as the pair got close enough for them to hear. The programmer glanced up from Kunugi Takehito's shoulder, quickly hidding her blush in the man's chest griping his back harder.
The dark haired male side-glanced at whatever worried his partner, but seeing Ritsu's smirk filled with a ridiculing intent, made his mood drop as well.
"Oh Kunugi-san, say am I not intruding your honeymoon?"
"Honeymoon? Ritsu what are you up to?" Nagisa shot the headmaster a glare.
"Oh nothing. Just stating facts..."
Nana grumbled out of shame. Though Takehito still stood firm, ready to bite back.
"Minami Ritsu, how many times do have to tell you to call me by my name." The male sighed, though it seemed as if it was a growl instead.
"Oh I don't know..." Ritsu shrugged indifferently." Wouldn't surprise me if it was a thousand already," He smirked after a pause." But this does!"
"I don't get it." Nagisa whimpered, feeling left out from whatever was going."What's bad with dancing? We're dancing?"
"Yea. Ritsu care to explain. Hitting on women? Well I'd say it's about time!" Kunugi stabbed, however more at Nagisa who nearly dashed away.
"She's teaching me how to dance." Ritsu leaned his hand on her back, preventing the scientist from escaping. So she began hitting his chest with both fists. The repetition of endless 'Baka' could be heared.
"Though what you're doing could be questionable." Ritsu smirked, as Takehito gritted his teeth." What's the matter your hormones finally woken up?"
"The hell Ritsu?" Nagisa screeched embarrased, then turned to her saddened friend. It dawned on her all at once."Wait. Don't tell me. Nana since when are you dating Takehito?"
"Oh I can assure you, they already passed that point!" Ritsu just had to bud in, to make Nana feel even more ashamed.
Nagisa didn't felt any better. Betrayal. Nana knew almost everything about her, including the attraction to Ritsu, with all the pain it caused. But it appears it wasn't the same on the both sides. It hurt so much to realise the friend she put most trust into looked down on her, hid things from her.
"Nana why haven't you told me?"
"Mhh..." the light haired female just mumbled at that, hidding from her friend.
"Guess she was ashamed, or afraid of your opinion." Ritsu explained, leaning his face near Nagisa's, his hair gently brushing through her shoulder."The quickest conclusion would be: she doesn't trust you to share her intimate secrets."
Nagisa set her broken gaze to Kunugi's shoulder, waiting for Nana to rise up, to oppose, to laugh it off as this was just an accidental misunderstanding. Nagisa wished that this all would just be fake, a dream, an illusion. Too many. There were too many embarrasing things she'd want to rather forget. The headmaster's cruel confession and the secretive holes in her friendship with Nana...
"For the love of..." Takehito snapped, losing his calm voice."Ritsu stop making scenes out of nothing!"
"Guess it's in my nature can't go against it."
"I don't understand this..." Nagisa bud in yet again, glancing over her shoulder at Takehito, much to Ritsu's annoyance though."You two used to be good friends if I recall correctly. So why are you going at one another's throats now?"
The ash-haired man everted his gaze from her, while the headmaster hissed back, tightening his hold in Nagisa's palm, that she winced slightly.
"It's none of your buisness Nagisa..."
"Neither is yours with who I'm dancing with." Takehito added.
The blue-haired felt her heart pounding. Even if she didn't wanted to admit it, Ritsu's voice scarred her, What happened to the nice side of him that revealed it's self just moments ago?
X X X
It was morning. Atleast the light piercing through the window proved so. Soubi was feeling much better, compared to the previous day. His headache and fever had gone down, vanishing their hideous fangs. Though his memories remained tangled and blank.
He turned his head, spotting Nagisa sleeping on the bed next to him, her arms folded to serve as a pillow. And her hair shadowing the paled, worned out face. Her lower body slumped on the ground. The blue haired woman seemed deep asleep.
Well that was good for her, she needed to regain her strength, to pass this tough period of her life, survive would be more accurate. As her mind became more anxious and lost with every day past. The only cure that could save her from despair and suicide, that crawled not falling behind, would be Ritsu.
Though Soubi recalled Nana's statement that sensei was put on medications and isolated for his own good. That drew one tragic conclusion- this may not end well. Soubi doubted he will come back the same, considering the amount of calming pills he's being fed each day( Soubi believed to be a lot).
The light haired male lifted her head a little, sliping a pillow on her arms.
He could not help but feel pity for her. If she was in love with Ritsu's mind, his thoughts not his body, what agony would it be if the principal lost it all... He would be nothing more but a doll then. An empty, drained vessel, whose soul abandoned the world, losing ones path between life and demise.
A human must be in harmony with spirit and mind. So how are you suppose to live, if the string connecting the two is broken?
Soubi palmed his face, clutching his hair, as if wanting to rip it out. He could not stand seeing this pitiful sorrow, disguised as a fable promising, that everything will be alright.
Truth was out... Nothing will be the same anymore...
The light haired male gripped his hair this time with both arms, releasing a groan. It seemed everything got dark again as shadows mocked his faith.
How could he inspire another to live, if he himself was one step away from falling to that hard pitch black soil, recking of rotted flesh.
There was no more hope...
... A knock on the door...
Or was there?
"Agatsuma Soubi, you have a visitor." The pink haired nurse from before announced.
"Who is it?" Soubi wailed, not intending to hide his agitating voice or the wet eyes.
"Its Aoyagi Ritsuka."