Most girlfriends would look forward to their first night alone with her boyfriend in their new home.
Ginny wasn't most girls.
Ron and Harry had set up the furniture that they had bought, and the house looked perfect, and yet Ginny couldn't enjoy it. When it got late, Harry suggested they go to bed and Ginny tensed, unsure of what Harry was expecting of her. Their room had one large bathroom but Harry gave Ginny privacy while she changed for bed, Ginny's palms started to sweat at the thought of what was waiting for her in the other room. She loved Draco more than anything, and she had spent the night with him many times, but they had never done anything more than kiss.
When Ginny walked out of the bathroom, she saw that Harry was already in bed in nothing but a pair of golden snitch boxers he smiled as he watched her walk across the room in her PJ's. Ginny felt her face pale as she watched his eyes trail down her body. As soon as she was under the safety of the covers, she felt Harry's skinny arms wrap around her and pull her close. Ginny shut her eyes trying to pretend that Harry was Draco.
"So what did you do today?" Harry asked awkwardly after a few minutes of silence.
"I hung out here then I went back to headquarters and talked to my dad," Ginny replied.
"Oh," Harry said not finding a way to carry on the conversation, he shifted his body so that Ginny was facing him, and he hovered over top of her, and he stared at her for a few minutes before his lips came crashing down on hers. Harry was not as gentle and skilled as Draco was at kissing. Instead, Harry's lips moved roughly and carelessly across her mouth leaving a small trail of his drool dripping down her chin. Ginny flinched slightly, and felt Harry pulled back and stare at her with confused eyes.
"What's wrong?" Harry asked as his rough boney thumb stroked her face.
Ginny closed her eyes trying to erase Harry and replaced him with Draco, but Harry took it as a sign of affection, and dipped his head again and began his lip assault on her face. Ginny felt Harry move his hand from her face to her hip, and once again she flinched.
This time Ginny kept her eyes open as Harry pulled away and stared down at her.
"What's wrong?" Harry asked once again more confused.
"Nothing, I'm just tired, still a bit shaky from the battle," Ginny lied easily, with a small smile.
"Oh," Harry said as he lay back down on the bed. "I'm sorry, I should have realised that," Harry responded.
He moved his arms from around her and kissed the top of her head, and said goodnight before he turned off the lamp beside his bed and turned over to go to sleep.
Ginny heard his breathing slow and his body relax and she knew he was asleep, and then suddenly it all became too much for her, she rolled over facing the wall just as the silent sobs came
And it was like this for the first week they were together. By the third week she found excuses to always avoid his touch. Soon her family and friends began to watch her. She wasn't eating, she was hardly sleeping. She was smiling but it never reached her eyes, she was laughing but it didn't sound the same. Ginny thought she was playing her part convincingly. Hermione's words always ringing in her ears.
'You can act like you care, but you can't act like you're in love.'
Harry and Ginny went to the Burrow for Charlie's birthday party, and when Ginny was walking down the stairs after haven been sent to fetch something for her mother she heard hushed voices from the living room.
"I don't understand what's wrong with her," Blaise said
"She's the one who broke up with Draco," Hermione's voice followed.
" I'm happy that Harry is happy- he's my best mate, but she's my sister."
There was a small pause before she heard him continue. "She looks like she's barely holding it together, she's so withdrawn and when Harry walks in she pastes a fake smile on her face. At first I thought she was genuinely happy to see him, and I was glad she was happy, but then I noticed how hard she was trying. Something is wrong," Ron said sadly
Blaise and Hermione talking about her she could understand but Ron? Suddenly she panicked if Ron had noticed, surely Harry had.
"Has Harry said anything?" Luna asked innocently.
"No, I've been afraid to ask," Ron sighed.
Ginny was glad, let the others talk, as long as Harry didn't suspect anything she was safe.
"There has to be a reason for this," Blaise said breaking the silence. Ginny realised she was holding her breath waiting for one of them to speak.
"I think, and as hard as it is for me to admit this, I think she might actually love Malfoy," Ron said as they all fell silent.
Ginny rolled her eyes at her three friends and her brother. Of course she loved Draco, but the fact that they noticed was not good, she would have to keep up appearances better if she was going to fool Harry. Ginny headed out back to find her mother, before she left to search for Harry.
She headed in the kitchen, and froze when she saw that Harry and Ron stood there with their heads bent. Could Ron really be telling Harry? Ginny thought as she silently panicked approaching the two boys silently.
"Do you not think I haven't noticed Ron?" Harry snapped quietly. "She barely eats, I know she cries herself to sleep, she can't even look at me."
Ginny decided she needed to make her presence known, she pasted a huge smile on her face, and entered the kitchen.
"Harry! I've been looking everywhere for you," Ginny beamed as she crossed the room to stand beside him, as she slipped her hand into his while she planted a kiss on his check.
"Have you two been here the whole time?" Ginny asked with a laugh as she saw Ron and Harry exchange a look.
Harry recovered first wrapping his arms around Ginny's waste as he laughed.
"No, actually I was talking to Lupin earlier, Ron just came in," Harry said quickly, revealing his lie with a worried glance at Ron.
"Oh, well I'm getting tiered..." Ginny trailed off as she saw Ron search her face for something then shoot Harry another glance.
"Yeah, okay we'll go home, just let me go say goodbye to Hermione," Harry said as he released her, and walked out of the room.
Ginny knew he was lying, Harry had barely talked to Hermione since they broke up and she started hanging out with Blaise.
"Where's Luna?" Ginny asked with a smile not meeting Ron's gaze.
"Ginny, what are you doing to yourself?" Ron ask in voice she had never heard from him before. He sounded so small and defeated, and when Ginny looked up to meet his familiar face – one that resembled hers in so many ways it was hard for Ginny to even believe she was adopted, the hallow look he had was one that she bore since she left Draco.
"What do you mean?" Ginny asked, faking confusion.
"Look at you Ginny, this isn't you. You're falling apart." Ron said as he reached out for her.
"Ron, I know you don't like the idea of your little sister with your best mate but this is ridiculous," Ginny said snapping as she stepped back from his hand, and walked into the hall to see Harry walking with Luna in her direction.
"Harry, can we go now?" Ginny pleaded.
"Sure Ginny." Harry said as his gaze went down the hall to where Ron stood shaking his head in the doorway.
Shortly after they arrived home, Harry mumbled about taking a shower, and quickly departed to the bathroom. Ginny sat down by the fire in the sitting room going over everything she had heard in her head.
It seemed she was not fooling everyone; Harry was just starting to doubt her she needed to convince him.
"She barely eats, I know she cries herself to sleep, she can't even look at me."
Ginny sighed, she would have to make Harry truly believe that she was in love with him, she could let the others talk, if he believed her nothing else would matter.
Ginny got up from the chair and walked across the cold floor to her and Harry's bedroom. She opened the top drawer of her dresser and shifted the clothes around, until she found the matching PJ set Hermione had given her for Christmas. Ginny had forgotten all about it, she remembered thanking her then throwing it aside to open her other presents in her excitement for the beloved holiday.
Ginny fingered the set lightly debating on whether or not she should wear it. Making her decision Ginny took off her clothes and slipped into the outfit.
It was a silky grey-blue set with a matching top with a deep V–neck -which showed a modest amount of cleavage. Ginny sighed as she starred at herself in the full-length mirror on the wall. Hermione certainly knew how to pick colors that wouldn't clash with her fiery red hair, but another look made Ginny's heart sink. The swishing color of the set looked just like the colour of eyes Ginny saw every night when she went to bed.
Ginny sighed and crossed the room and flung herself onto the bed and waited patiently for Harry to come out of the bathroom.
Ginny heard the shower shut off, and in just a few short minutes, Harry immerged from the bathroom wearing black slacks and a blue button up shirt. Ginny frowned; she assumed Harry was coming to bed. Glancing at the clock on the nightstand Ginny saw that it was a little after 10pm, where could Harry be going at this hour.
"Harry," Ginny asked innocently as she saw his gaze land to her on the bed and a shocked expression covered his face.
"Ginny, you scared me, I didn't see you there," Harry said as he crossed the room and opened a drawer, searching around for a pair of socks.
"Where are you going?" Ginny asked,
"I'm going out with Ron," Harry said with his back to her still.
"Well can I talk to you for a minute?" Ginny asked as she saw his back tense before he turned around to face her, his face uneasy.
"Well I really have to go meet Ron..." Harry said as he ran his hand through his hair.
"Please, Harry," Ginny said as she fluttered her eyelashes.
"Well only for a minute," Harry said as he closed the dresser door, and with the socks in his hand he crossed the room and sat on the end of the bed.
"Harry, I-," Ginny paused biting her lip. She didn't really know what she was going to say, she assumed he was coming to bed, it would have made this so much easier, now however she was unsure what to do.
"Harry I'm sorry," Ginny said looking down at her clenched hands.
"You're sorry?" Harry asked confused.
"Yeah, I mean with everything that's happened, I felt I don't know, I felt weird I guess," Ginny rushed out, realising her excuses were feeble. "And you've been there through it all with me, and I'm starting to realise that the war is finally over and I don't have to be scared of Voldemort anymore," Ginny added, looking up to meet his gaze to make sure he was still listening to her. "I know I haven't been myself lately, and I want to make it up to you," Ginny added weakly with a smile.
"You do?" Harry beamed then stopped and looked at her with a curious expression."What brought all this on?" He asked narrowing his gaze.
"I'll show you," Ginny whispered as she moved across the bed and started kissing him.
She felt Harry tense underneath her frozen with confusion and longing, and just as quickly, he gave in and started kissing her back. He wrapped his arms around her and lifted her gently so that she rested on her back. His kisses were wet and sloppy just like before, but Ginny forced herself not to pry herself away, and to kiss him back.
Ginny shut her eyes tightly as she felt his hands slip up under her top, resting lightly on her stomach. Ginny sat there, not moving as she let his hands roam her body, and his kisses cover her face. Then suddenly he stopped, she felt him shift so he was half on her, and she felt his gaze on her, but she refused to open her eyes.
"You're crying," Harry whispered, shocked.
Ginny opened her eyes and lifted her hand to her face and saw the tears there, she hadn't even realised she was crying.
"Ginny, did I do something wrong, did I hurt you?" Harry asked unsure if he should touch her.
"No, Harry you did everything right," Ginny said as she forced her voice to sound steady, she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him close and once again began kissing him. She tried to unbutton his shirt but his hand reached out and grabbed hers.
"Ginny what's wrong?" Harry asked as he grabbed both her hands and held them in his.
"Nothing Harry," Ginny responded, confused. She thought he wanted this.
"There is something wrong, you couldn't even look at me for weeks let alone touch me. You aren't eating, you cry yourself to sleep. Ginny if I'm doing something wrong then please tell me," Harry begged, as his green eyes searched her chocolate brown ones.
"Harry I told you, I've been feeling-"Ginny started
"Don't lie to me Ginny!" Harry yelled as he threw her hands out of his and sat up. "I let you lie to me because I thought that maybe you could love me too," Harry said as got off the bed and began pacing."Being with you made me realised what a jerk I've been."
Ginny's eyes were big with fright, as she looked at him, she managed to pull on her mask and let out a small laugh. "That's what every girl wants to hear her boyfriend tell her," Ginny replied.
"Ginny please, I know I've been a jerk. And I've changed, I'm changing even Hermione pointed it out, when I haven't spoken to her in ages. And I'm doing it for you, because I love you, because I want you to be happy," Harry added, as he ran both his hands through his hair in defeat.
"And I love you enough to let you go," Harry added softly as he sat back onto the bed.
"What?" Ginny asked confused.
"I see what staying with me is doing to you," Harry trailed off not looking at Ginny.
"Harry-" Ginny cut in, reaching for his arm, only to have him pull it away.
"Please Ginny, don't make this harder than it already is," Harry said softly as he stood up and put his socks on.
"What do you mean? Are you breaking up with me?" Ginny asked as her eyes began to fill with tears once more.
"Ginny, I love you. I will always love you, and I want to see you happy. I just wish it could have been with me," Harry said as he crossed the room, and stopped by the doorway.
"I'm going out to the three broom sticks with Ron. I'll sleep at his flat tonight," Harry said, as he turned the handle.
"Harry don't do this," Ginny pleaded.
Harry turned to look back at her before he appartated away.
Ginny sat on the bed frozen in place as the tears threatened to spill. How could Harry do this now? Was it because of what Ron and the others were noticing? What did this mean for Draco? Ginny was so confused, and she could still feel Harry's hand slowly sliding up her shirt, she could still feel his kisses, along her stomach, on her neck, on her lips.
Ginny got up off the bed and crossed the room to the large bathroom and turned on the shower mechanically and stepped in fully clothed. Everything was becoming too much for Ginny. She loved Draco, but she could never be with him. Harry loved her, but she could never be happy with him. Maybe if Harry gave her more time she could learn to be happy with him.
Ginny curled up into a ball and suddenly the dam of tears busted and she cried for everything that she had been holding back, she cried for Draco, she cried for Harry. And she cried because it felt so good to really cry and not hide her tears.
Ginny was crying so much she didn't notice the bathroom door creak open or the person who looked just as broken as her, standing in the doorway.