I apologize for the one-week delay. I've got 8,000 words that will hopefully make it up to you. Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight, but Spearward and his story are all Yummy's. I'm a self-diagnosed tweaker. All mistakes are mine. See you at the bottom. This chapter was inspired by the song, "I Miss You" by Blink 182.

^^TotS^^

BPOV

Drying my tears, I walk toward the townhouse which has become like a second home in the last week. I can't leave without saying goodbye. It would hurt that little girl too badly, and I won't do that to her…not after everything she's been through.

I take a deep breath and ring the bell, attempting to muster a smile for Riley when he answers the door.

"Hey." His eyebrows furrow immediately. "You okay?"

"Not really." I turn my face into the warm, evening breeze that cools my tear-stained cheeks. "Can I come in for a few minutes?"

He moves aside, welcoming me. "Please."

I take a few tentative steps, my head scanning the open living space looking for Kalia. "Is she in her room?"

"Yeah, she's resting. I got her to eat some oatmeal for dinner a little while ago." He scratches the scruff that's grown on his chin since the funeral service. "She's uhh— she's been having a really rough day."

I sigh, wrapping my arms around myself, knowing I'm about to rock the boat a little more.

"So, umm…I just wanted to come by because I'm on my way to the airport."

Inhaling sharply, Riley closes his eyes and shakes his head. "He kicked you out?"

Horrified at his assumption, I gasp, quickly scrambling to set him straight.

"God, no— not at all." I clear my throat. "I—I left. I booked a flight that leaves at ten-thirty." My voice sounds as small as I feel.

Riley scrubs his hand down his face and sits on the arm of the couch.

"I couldn't leave the island without saying goodbye to you and Kalia, though. It just wouldn't have been fair after—"

He sighs. "Well, thank you for that." A silence stretches between us. "I do wish you weren't leaving, though."

I swallow tightly, my eyes fixed on his, and I nod. What else can I say? I wish I wasn't leaving either.

"I don't think I have to ask this, because I'm pretty sure I know you well enough but…you did say goodbye to him, right?"

"I did."

He purses his lips and dips his chin. "Okay. Well, I can't say it's going to be easy with you leaving. I mean, I know you were planning on traveling together to California next weekend anyway, but still…"

"I know. And I'm sorry I'm not staying for you. It's just— it's just best for everyone if I go. I think you'll see him a lot more. And you need him. And I know Kalia needs him."

I start to well up again. "And I'm pretty sure he's going to need you, t—too."

I clasp my hand over my eyes, trying to rein in my emotions before my body racks with violent sobs.

"Hey, hey, hey." I feel Riley's arms wrap around me. "I'm sorry this is all happening. Christ…this fucking month went to hell faster than shit through a goose."

Riley's inappropriate comedic timing has me snort into his shoulder.

"Seriously…I say we fuckin' petition to just have all the Julys removed from future calendars. I'd rather not have to see the word in print ever again."

I pull back from him, a smile on my face as I wipe my eyes. "I'll sign your petition," my voice wavers.

"Good. We're on our way, then," he manages with a grin, even in his unbearable pain.

He starts to walk me toward Kalia's bedroom, but stops short of entering the hallway.

"Would it be incredibly selfish and wrong of me to ask you to keep in touch with Kalia? I'll understand if you don't want to talk to me anymore…guilty by association and all, but I'm drowning and desperate. I could use all the help I can get."

I grab his hand. "You're not guilty by association, Riley. I will absolutely keep in touch with Kalia…and I'll even ask her how you're doing, too." I hint at a smile. "I mean, I don't want to put you in an awkward position. Who knows what Edward will think of me down the road?"

It's Riley's turn for a tight swallow, and he raises his eyebrows. "Well, once Em and I are through with him, he'll have nothing but time on his hands to think about things while he's in traction with two broken legs."

I huff, rolling my eyes. "Don't be too hard on him." My shrug is resigned. "It's just who he is."

"Nice try, Bella. But if it makes you feel better, I'll leave my brass knuckles at home."

"Fair enough."

Riley knocks on Kalia's door, and I follow him inside, steeling myself to do my best not to break this little girl's already-shattered heart.

^^TotS^^

I don't bother with the military hops this time around. It's easier—albeit way more expensive— to go ahead and purchase a ticket for a commercial flight home. I just want to get the hell off this island as quickly as possible before I do something really stupid…like run back to Edward. It would be so easy; my tears would dry instantly with his powerful and protective arms wrapped around me, but it would solve absolutely nothing.

The journey from Oahu to Raleigh seems endless; my home feels as if it's light-years away. It's only eleven hours in the air, but with two layovers and the time changes, I'll lose almost an entire day and get next to no sleep on the flights. I'm losing sleep for so many other reasons, being uncomfortable on a cramped plane doesn't help.

The anticipation and excitement of traveling to Hawaii in May made the lengthy trip just another part of the adventure. Now, I see it as an arduous burden because all I want is a couple of Tylenol PMs, my body pillow and my bed.

I pull into my driveway by nine o'clock on Thursday night. I'll return the rental car tomorrow when my parents arrive. I'm sure Alice would help me out if I called her, but I refuse to deal with her yet or any version of "I told you so" that she might throw my way.

I drop my luggage in the middle of the living room floor; other than that, my house is in pristine condition. It's as if nothing in my life has changed at all…when in fact, my whole world feels completely ripped apart and upside down.

Twenty minutes later, I'm lying on my side under my covers, clutching my pillow and scrolling through the pictures on my camera. I seriously didn't think I had any more tears to cry, but I'm a glutton for punishment tonight. There are about a dozen random pictures of scenery and landscapes before I come to the first picture of me and Edward. It seems like a lifetime ago. The two of us are in a self-portrait at the top of the first peak of Olomana. We look so carefree and unburdened. My head is tipped toward his and our smiles speak volumes. It was the start of something amazing.

I advance through the next two hundred forty-seven pictures, laughing and crying along the way. Hawaii was an unforgettable experience for so many reasons. From the foliage in every tropical color imaginable, ocean waves, sightseeing and landmarks all the way to silly times dancing with Edward, hanging by the pool and on the beach together, dinners out with friends, Riley and Nalani's engagement on the Fourth of July and then Edward's promotion ceremony and wet down. I snapped several pictures at the Polynesian Cultural Center the night Edward and I saw Nalani perform. Her friend took a picture of the three of us together after the show. It's the last shot saved on my camera. Nalani was killed the following night. There were no more happy moments or memories to capture after that.

I backtrack about eight pictures and stop on the one that makes my heart skip a beat. It was snapped a few minutes after Edward's karaoke performance with the guys the night of his wet down. He's sitting on a bar chair and I'm standing, facing him, between his legs. His toned and tanned arms are wrapped around my upper thighs. I'm looking down at him, my hands are on his shoulders and his head is tipped up toward my face, while his chin is resting on my stomach. Even though it's only a side-view, I can see the love in his eyes— in both our eyes— in our body language, in everything.

I would do anything to get that night back…to get that feeling back. Falling in love with Edward was the easiest thing I've ever done. I didn't aim to do it, but everything about him drew me in. His charm, his kindness, his intelligence and wit…he possessed me and my heart without even trying. I fear that falling out of love with Edward might be the hardest thing I'll ever have to do, next to burying Mike and our son.

My tears stream endlessly down my temple and over the bridge of my nose. I find no peace holding onto the camera any longer, and eventually cry myself to sleep somewhere in the night.

^^TotS^^

My parents arrive mid-afternoon on Friday after their road trip from Long Island. I'd called them as I left Hawaii on Wednesday night. My mother could tell just by the tone in my voice that there was trouble brewing, and she didn't hesitate to say she and Dad would wake up Friday morning and make the drive to my place. I greet them at the door with puffy, red eyes and my nose looking like Rudolph's.

After a quick hug and kiss, Dad takes my appearance as his cue to venture out on a packing-box run. His favorite place to poke around is behind liquor stores where they always have so many sturdy boxes lying around. They're best because of the sectional dividers that keep the bottles safe; for my move, it keeps knick-knacks, glasses and other breakables cushioned and nicely separated.

After he leaves, Mom sits down with me on my sofa. I lay my head in her lap and she combs her fingers through my hair as I confess my sob story. I give her every detail, only skipping over the monumentally graphic sexual encounters. I'm not ashamed of what I've done, and our mother-daughter relationship since I was a young teenager has always been an honest and open one. She listens and hums from time to time; never interrupting…she's great like that. After I've finished relaying the entire odyssey, she tugs on my hair gently, and I know it's time to sit up so she can give me her take on the situation.

I blow my nose and grab another tissue to wipe under my eyes. I see my mom dab at the corners of her eyes, too. She knew Nalani was killed in a car wreck. I called her the day it happened…but she didn't know the finer details of my budding relationship with Kalia.

"What's next, Momma?" I may be a month shy of turning twenty-eight, but I need my mother's insight here. Even though she'll always be on my side, I know she'll give me an unbiased and unfiltered response, which is exactly what I need.

She sighs and takes a sip from her lemonade. "Well, I can understand why you believe it was best to leave. Edward needs to deal with his grief, and you felt that you might've been hindering his opportunities to do that."

"Yes."

"He should've been able to mourn openly with Riley, Kalia and his other friends, but instead you felt like you were chasing him out of his home and the chances to spend time with those he's closest to."

"Exactly."

"Okay…but did you ever say that to him?" Her head cocks to the side as I mull over her words. "All I heard was, 'I felt' and 'I thought' and 'I figured', but honey…did you ever ask Edward any of these things or did you just assume for yourself?"

My mouth drops open to give a response, but nothing comes out.

She purses her lips. "I know you think you know Edward very well, and I don't deny that you probably do know him well. But Isabella, none of us is a mind reader. You might think you know what was in his head, but if you didn't ask him directly, then you were in the wrong, too."

"But—"

"No, listen to me. He sounds like he's had a lot of crap on his emotional plate for a really long time. I don't doubt that he'd certainly benefit from some counseling, but unless he actually said the words, 'Bella, you're in my way. Bella, I need time on my own. Bella, please check into the base lodge while I work on my shit,' you can't say what he truly needed from you."

She raises her eyebrows at me as our gazes lock in a stand-off.

"I think you jumped the gun, honey."

It's like the wind gets knocked out of me in that instant. Oxygen is immediately sucked from the room as my mom hits me with a "You also shoulder some blame" two-by-four right between the eyes.

"Remember that chat we had several weeks ago before you were leaving Maui? I could hear it in the words you chose that you didn't seem like you were giving over your whole heart. I knew you were holding back just from the tone of your voice, and I warned you even then."

Another wave of tears rises to the surface. My fault. My fault. My fault.

"Now, I'm not saying that he's not to blame. His lack of communication and his fear of commitment, for whatever reason, were certainly good reasons for you to be cautious." She leans forward, swiping a tear from under my eye. "But let me ask you this…did you ever consider asking him to fly back with you here? Or even to New York to officially introduce him to Dad and me— as your boyfriend, I mean? You just told me he took a huge leap of faith and wanted to have you meet his mom, sister and niece."

I nod, wiping my nose, my guilt starting to overwhelm me.

"And you never once stopped to think it would've been a huge deal to him for you to reciprocate that invitation? How do you think that made him feel, Bella?"

I jump up from the sofa. "Well, FUCK, Mom! What the hell am I supposed to do now? He was so terrified of commitment, I didn't want him to get jittery and think I was overstepping!"

Her chin dips as her eyebrows rise, mocking me. "After he had just invited you to his mother's home, Bella? Come on, honey."

My tears of sadness morph into angry ones at my own stupidity and fear. What must he think of me?

"Listen, I'm going to say something and I hope it doesn't hurt or come off the wrong way, because I truly loved Michael. But seriously…Mike was easy, comfortable, always available and being with him was like going with the flow." She pauses, appearing deep in thought. "But he wasn't the love of your life, was he?"

I sigh, grandly, falling into the couch. My head rests back as I stare at the ceiling, and again with the tears. How am I not dehydrated by now?

"No," I sniffle, "he wasn't. Mike was a wonderful friend who was kind to me and who I knew would always love and take care of me. He was safe…nothing like Edward."

I feel my mom's hand find mine as she threads our fingers together.

"I'm head-over-heels, nuts about Edward. And I don't know how I put one foot in front of the other and walked away from him two nights ago. I'm hopelessly and helplessly in love with him," I croak out and dry my eyes for the umpteenth time. "I don't think I'll ever be able to love anyone the way I love Edward." I shake my head. "And the way he loved me…first with his incredibly thoughtful actions, and then with his words." How will I ever find somebody who can do better, or even attempt to replicate the love he gave me?

I take a few deep breaths, trying to calm myself. My stomach is in knots, and my head is pounding. I should probably buy stock in Kleenex after all the tissues I've used over the last couple of days, let alone the last few weeks.

"What do I do, Mom?"

Several moments pass before she responds confidently. "You wait. You let him fix himself while you think about the part you played in this and make sure that he's the one you really want, and then you try and reach out to him. For now, though…you work on you. You're a survivor, Bella. For most people, it would have been impossible to recover from the sudden and tragic losses of your husband and baby, but you made it through that time in your life. You're stronger than you think, and your zeal for life after everything you've been through is unparalleled. But you can't just walk away when things get tough, riding on the coattails of your theory that 'life is too short to deal with nonsense.' She clears her throat. "Life is also too short to walk away from something so incredibly meaningful and passionate just because you hit some rough waters."

I put my head back into her lap and think about her words.

"What if it's too late?" I ask out loud, not necessarily to my mother, but more so to the universe. "I hurt him so badly. He was wrecked when I walked out that door. By the time I find him again, he'll hate me for sure, if he doesn't already."

She sighs behind me. "You won't ever know until you try, sweet girl. Be the Bella who was leaving on a Hawaiian adventure all by herself two months ago. Be the girl whose parents couldn't convince her to wait for them or even fly in a normal plane. Be that girl. Be brave."

"But I'm terrified!" My body jolts with a shuddering breath. "I'm so scared of what he'll say to me after I walked out on him."

"Oh, honey, being brave doesn't mean you're fearless. It means you're willing to fight for something so hard that your desire for it can supersede your fear of failure."

I wait a few minutes before responding, "I'll think about it, Mom. I just don't know what the future holds."

"None of us ever does, Bella. Hence the phrase, 'Life's too short...' What have I always told you is my favorite saying?"

"This life is not a dress rehearsal."

"Exactly. If you find what you want, what you need, and what makes you happiest…you go out, and grab onto it, and never let it go."

I release another cleansing breath. Mom always has to have the last word. And this one was a gem.

^^TotS^^

My parents stayed for the following week, helping me sort through all of my worldly possessions. I made three humongous piles: coming with me to Korea, staying back in storage, and giving away to Goodwill. The climate in South Korea ranges from cold winters to warm summers, but never truly hot. I'm still going to bring my summer clothes, though. I'd love to be able to travel as much as possible when the opportunity presents itself. I'll never have another chance to be so close to Australia, Thailand, Japan or China.

We decided it was smartest to hire a moving company to transport my furniture and belongings for storage and have them shipped to a facility close to my parents' home in New York. I'll feel more comfortable if all of my possessions are at least accessible to my mom and dad up on Long Island.

There's no use storing my things in North Carolina. As far as I'm concerned, I won't be coming back here to live. After my overseas adventure, perhaps I'll find a new position somewhere in the states…or maybe even Europe. If and when I grow tired of working for DODDS, maybe I'll even permanently settle in New York near my parents. It's anybody's guess at this point.

I have the remainder of the weekend here and then I'm driving up to New York to be with my parents until it's time to fly to Seoul on the thirteenth. It'll give me a full week visiting family and friends up north before I leave for what might end up being the entire school year. My parents have already decided to fly to Korea to spend Christmas with me. And spring break is only a week long, not at all enough time to fly halfway around the world, suffer extreme jet-lag, and then fly back again, before having to teach twenty little ones the following morning.

Packing up through the week was a pretty good distraction during the day. Ultimately, yes, I thought of Edward most of the time. I'd wonder where he was, who he was spending time with. I hoped he was mostly with Riley and Kalia. They needed that time together. Then at night, as my parents slept in my guest room, I'd turn on the music softly and cry myself to sleep looking at the damn pictures again and again. It was a sad and pitiful cycle, but I'm still not ready to move from that stage yet. I'm hoping that being in Korea and focusing on my new job and life out there will help me to forget…or at least put it on the back burner.

As I say goodbye to my parents when they drive away, I realize Edward could be traveling at the same moment. He had originally planned for us to fly to California on August third. So, unless he made other arrangements, he might have landed on the west coast by now. Just the thought that we're back in the continental US together makes my insides twist like a pretzel.

Twenty minutes later, I'm on my laptop filling out my change-of-address information on the post office website, and my doorbell rings. I see her car in the driveway before I even open the door. Alice.

I stare at her, unmoving. She barely smiles, but raises her eyebrows while her head cocks to the side. "So, you are here."

"I am."

"Jasper was out running errands earlier and apparently saw a moving van in your driveway. At least that's what he told me when he got home, but clearly there's nothing here now." She looks toward the empty driveway. "Maybe he was mistaken, but I wanted to come over and see for myself. Can I come in to talk?"

Nodding, I step aside and close the door behind her as she walks into my barren living room. She spins toward me, a combination of daggers and questions in her eyes.

"You really are leaving? Wha— where are you going and when were you planning on telling me?"

I take a deep breath and try to rein in the crazy brewing at the surface. My nerves are so raw and shot to shit right now, Alice will surely push me over the edge.

Taking a page from the sage advice of Seinfeld, I go the path of 'serenity now' and attempt humor.

"How's now?" Her reaction tells me I've fallen short. Oh well, can't blame a girl for trying.

Alice straightens up, drops her purse on the built-in bench of my bay window and crosses her arms. I assume she's waiting for a better explanation.

"I applied for a transfer through DODEA. I was contacted in June about a first grade position available in South Korea—"

"WHAT?"

"And I accepted. I have to report to Osan Air Base by the fifteenth."

"Are you fucking kidding me? How could you do this and not tell me?"

"I was on vacation when it happened. And in the final conversation we had, you hung up on me," I calmly remind her. "I figured that disqualified you from being on the short list of needing to know my immediate plans."

"Bella…I…I seriously don't know what to say to you. I don't even know who you are anymore."

I pull out my ponytail holder and run my fingers through my hair a few times. I need to stay distracted or else I firmly believe I'll slap her silly.

"I'm the same girl I've always been, Alice. You've just chosen to ignore me for the last three years."

"Pardon me?"

"You heard exactly what I said. I've tried to have this conversation with you dozens of times, but we never get anywhere." I back up and lean on the wall, trying to be as blasé as possible. "When we buried Mike, you buried me, too. Or, at least you tried to…but I'm not ready for the ground."

"You're out of your mind."

"No, I don't think I am." I shrug. "You believe that when Mike died, I should have found a dark corner so that I could shrivel up and die as well."

She tries to interrupt, but I talk over her.

"Time and again, I've tried to initiate being social, going out with friends, even hinting at trying to date again and you've always changed the subject. You've been incredibly unfair to me and to Mike and our baby, for that matter.

"When one person dies, it doesn't mean his or her spouse's life should end, too. I know you were friends with Mike long before I came into the picture. I'm sorry that you lost him, too. But expecting me to live a quiet, lonely life for the rest of my days is outrageously selfish. I have every right to make every day count. I'm not six feet under!"

"But—"

I hold up my hand. "And until that day comes, I'm going to do whatever I can to cherish the life I have and live it how I please! Discover interesting adventures, try new things, even fall in love. Because that's exactly what I would've wanted Mike to do, had I been the one to die too soon."

"I think you're being reckless and ungrateful. After everything my husband and I have done for you over the years."

"See, that's where you're wrong. I have always cherished our friendship and those times you and Jasper were there for me when I needed a friend most. But Alice," I step closer to her, pointing at my chest, "I'm not in mourning anymore. And expecting me to act as if I only buried my husband last month is completely unfair and unrealistic."

I throw my hands up in the air. "That's why I wanted to take off and go to Hawaii this summer. I couldn't stand another empty vacation pouting and having quiet nights at home."

"And did you enjoy yourself?" she challenges, venom in every word.

"As a matter of fact, I did. The places I visited, the scenery, monuments, people I met…it was an unforgettable time. I fell in love with Hawaii…and I fell in love with Edward." There, I said it. Here comes the deluge.

"Edward? The same Edward who came to inform you Mike was killed?"

I nod at her incredulously, knowing she's not stupid because I explained all of this in that original phone call that started this whole shit storm.

"That's the one. We fell in love with each other…he's the best thing that's ever happened to me."

Alice throws her head back and cackles like some evil villain from an old black and white movie. I'm waiting for her to produce some rope and attempt to tie me to the railroad tracks on the other side of town.

"That's rich. You're a piece of work, Bella. I'm not even going to justify your accusations or this asinine development of a budding romance." She bends down to snatch her purse. "You call me and let me know when you get your head out of your ass."

Crack. There's the sound of that dinky final piece of straw. It snapped and I'm about to as well.

"You can stop right there," I shout. "I am DONE with your snarky comments on my choices. I've lived by your rules…your stupid, sullen, 'as long as we don't speak of Mike's death, we can pretend it never happened' rules. FUCKING done!"

She shakes her head. "You'll see what it's like when you're desperate for friends halfway around the world. You'll figure out eventually who's always been there for you and who counts."

I boom. "There's a difference between being there for me when I need it, and being oppressively unwilling to accept that life goes on. And I'm not just transferring, Alice…I'm escaping! Running the hell away as fast as I can from someone who can't possibly find happiness in my desire to find happiness.

"I need to surround myself with love. Overwhelming, heart-stopping, can't-life-without-it love. And as soon as I can, I'm going to scour the other side of the world to get it back."

Her chin juts out as her eyebrows shoot up. "Get it back? You mean he dumped you already?" She marches toward the door, screaming, "A fuck and duck! That's what you're chasing? You've lost your goddamn mind!"

"No, I think I'm finally thinking clearly." I stomp after her. "And do me a favor, don't wait by the phone for me to call you, 'cause it won't happen!"

She reels around toward me, her chest heaving like mine as our adrenaline rushes.

I lower my voice and go on. "This isn't how friends act. I don't need this in my life. Some people say that a friendship or relationship makes them whole. You know the line from Jerry Maguire, 'You complete me'? Well, I can say with confidence that, Alice, you deplete me."

She glares at me one final time before throwing open my door and slamming it behind her. I grab my cell and text Jasper who doesn't deserve the crap sandwich he's about to be served.

Alice just left. Our reunion didn't go well. I'm sorry for whatever you're left to deal with, but please know that I've always appreciated your kindness, gentle temperament & friendship. XO, Bella

A minute later, my phone beeps with his reply.

Alice needs to lead her own life. You know what's best for you, Bells. Be happy. You deserve it all and more. Until we meet again…xo.

I swallow down the lump in my throat as my eyes water. I don't want to lose Jasper's friendship, but it's collateral damage after what just went down with Alice. Maybe someday we'll be able to get back to a good place, but for now, I need her out of my life.

It doesn't matter what happens with Edward, that's not what this was ultimately about. Alice was a drain on me, and if I want to be the healthy person I've always professed to be, she can't be part of the equation right now.

^^TotS^^

EPOV

"What am I about to walk into?"

My sister sighs on the other end of the phone. "She's upset, Edward. What do you want me to say?"

I shake my head, pissed at myself, yet again, for letting down someone who means the world to me. All that my niece wanted was to meet Bella, a true princess in her eyes. And because of my craptastic behavior, Bailyn's heart is now broken, too. I'm batting a thousand these days.

"I'm sorry."

"I know," she murmurs. "We're sorry, too. Mom and I thought Bella was…" She trails off sadly, and I leave it alone. Whatever she planned to fill in the blank with would only end up gutting me. I've done that enough on my own.

"All right, I'm about ten minutes out. I'll see you soon."

"Yup, see ya."

This visit isn't going to be easy. Nothing's been easy since Bella walked out. It took two days of complete wallowing, followed by Riley kicking my ass into next week to snap me out of my funk.

I managed to have four sessions with a therapist at Tripler and I have the number of the guy who was recommended to me for when I get out to Okinawa. Leaving the doctor's office after those appointments felt like I was climbing out of a dark pit. While we were talking, I was deep in the middle of my crap, the fears, the anger, old wounds that never healed…but every time I left, I felt just a little bit lighter. Nothing from my past was erased, but when it was talked about, analyzed and worked through, I came away with a different perspective.

I could kick myself for waiting so long to get my shit together. I might've never lost Bella at all. My therapist was quick to point out that it doesn't matter how long it took for me to get to this stage, but that I've accepted that sifting through it all to make sense of the feelings is the most positive thing I could do, for myself and for anyone else in my life.

Thirty-four years old and still taking baby-steps. At least, I think I'm moving forward.

^^TotS^^

My mom greets me at the door, sympathetic smile in place. "Hi, honey."

"Hey, Mom." I kiss her cheek and step inside. My eyes are immediately drawn to the television where the movie, Tootsie, is rolling. In an instant, I'm transported back to my first date with Bella as we danced under the stars to this love song. The way she looked in that yellow gown, the way she felt in my arms...fuck, I miss her. Even after the hurt she caused me, I miss her so goddamn much. This emptiness in my gut only worsens with each passing day. I clench my jaw, still aggravated with the way the last month unraveled.

"Edward?" My mom's voice snaps me out of my daydreams.

I clear my throat. "Where is she?"

"Who, Bailyn? She's in the playroom watching a movie. Lauren's outside on the phone with her boyfriend."

I draw back in shock and drop my duffel bag. "Boyfriend? Since when?"

"Ummm, close to a year…give or take."

"A year? Why the hell hasn't she said anything to me about this?"

She shrugs and takes a seat on the ottoman behind her.

"I guess because she assumed that you figured she should stay single for Bailyn's sake."

I shake my head, not understanding where this thought process is coming from. "I would never think that, Mom. Jesus, Lauren's only twenty-four years old! She has every right to go out and fall in love again if she wants."

My mom stares at me and then smirks. "So, is it just Lauren's youth that gives her the right to live a happy and fulfilled life after losing Eric?"

"What? No! Mom—" I run my hands over my scalp in frustration. "Where is this coming from?"

"What would you say if I told you I've dated several men since your father died all those years ago. Nothing's ever worked out, but I've been seeing someone very special for about eight months, now."

My mind spins in all different directions before focusing back on my mother. My face must be the picture of complete confusion and it causes her to chuckle.

"I'm not trying to freak you out, Edward. I just wanted to come clean and let you know that I've fallen in love with a wonderful man. He'll be here for dinner in about an hour. I really think you'll like him."

I fall into the couch behind Mom's ottoman and nod mindlessly. "Okaaaay. I'm sure I will. But—" I look off into the distance to gather up some semblance of a cohesive thought. "Why all the secrecy?"

"I guess we've just seen you with this frozen mentality, honey. Whenever something tragic happens, you sort of go into this mode where the sadness remains and life doesn't really move forward. It's always concerned us…but you were away at college first, and then traveling with the Marines ever since, and we never really addressed it."

"Good God." I drag my hand across my forehead, mumbling, "Just call me Alice."

"What?" My mom giggles nervously through her question. I can only assume she thinks I've officially lost my mind.

I shake my head. "Nothing. I just hate that you thought I couldn't be happy for either of you. Have I ever said that you couldn't go out and find love again? Shit, Ma, you've been alone for the last twenty-four years! You're allowed to have a life!"

She gives me a small smile. "That's all I was waiting to hear."

I huff, grin firmly in place while I process all of this. "You're not a mind-reader, Mom. You could've just asked." I stand and pace for just a second. "More women in my life acting like they know what I'm thinking all the time!" I'm not really mad, even though I shouted that last bit.

"Well, maybe if you said the words or gave off a different vibe, people might not make those assumptions." There's a curt tone in her voice as she stands in front of me. "Perhaps Bella made the same mistake? We're not all in the wrong here, honey. Your behavior is the cause that brings about these effects." She swallows tightly and reaches out to rub my arm. "I love you, and I'm sorry you're hurting. But maybe my revelation, along with Lauren's, will help give you a push in the direction you're meant to travel."

She rises onto her toes to kiss my cheek and wraps me in a hug. "You'll figure it out, baby."

I nod, mulling over her words. "I'm gonna go talk to Bailyn. And I'm really sorry you're not going to meet Bella." I know how excited they all were about this day. Before my life went to hell in a handbasket a couple weeks ago, this was all they talked about.

Her responding sigh seems resigned. "I know." She turns toward the kitchen. "Gran and Pops will be here around four."

I smile, thankful I'll be able to spend the evening with my grandparents before I take off for Japan. It's been too long since I've been in their company. My grandfather was the only male figure I had in my life once my father died. Maybe he can listen with an unbiased ear to my tale of woe.

Or perhaps he'll just knock me upside the head, like everyone else has done, after hearing how I fucked up.

I shake off the thoughts of that possible ass-whooping in preparation for the groveling I need to do so that my four-year-old niece will speak to me at some point during my visit.

^^TotS^^

"Hey, goofball," I whisper, approaching as if she's a caged animal likely to pounce and scratch out my eyes.

She stops combing her doll's hair, looks at me for a brief moment and gets back to the business of hairstyling. I glance at the television and realize she chose to watch Tangled today of all days. Of course she did.

Motherfuckin' universe messing with my head again.

"Hey, Uncle Edward." Her voice is barely audible and a bit scratchy.

I crouch down on the floor next to her and tickle her toes. "You doin' okay?" I reach over and squeeze her shoulders, gently kissing her temple at the same time.

She nods. No other response. Boy, am I in trouble.

"Are you mad at me?" I figure I'll just cut to the chase.

She shrugs, no eye contact, still combing the blonde corn silk hair on her doll of choice and watching Flynn Rider fight off the palace guards with his trusty frying pan.

"Bailyn," I whisper, putting my hand on hers to stop her motion, hoping she'll look at me. "Baby, I'm really sorry that I wasn't able to bring Bella here to meet you."

I get another nod, this time while her lower lip twitches a bit until it slowly curls into a sad frown, leading to tears in the corners of her eyes. In the next second, she looks up at me with the glassy blue eyes that match Eric's so perfectly. It kills me that he's not able to be here watching his little girl grow up. Fucking cancer.

"Why didn't she wanna meet me?" Her whimper slays me.

I pull her onto my lap instantly, trying to quell the notion that she's the reason Bella didn't come to California.

"Oh Bay, that's not it at all. She— she wanted to be here." I shake my head wishing I had rehearsed this speech more. I deliver the shittiest news to strangers whenever duty calls, but breaking the heart of my niece right now is beyond hideous and I can't find the right words.

Her sniffles subside after a minute and she pokes her little finger on the material of my t-shirt that's protruding out where my dog tags are lying unevenly. Her eyes find mine and she shifts her petite body so that she's straddling my legs.

"Did the Beast lock her up in the castle again?"

My confusion only lasts for a split-second, realizing that she's referencing why Belle couldn't get away in the original movie.

I think on it for a few moments before answering as truthfully as I can.

"No, honey, the Beast didn't lock her up inside his castle." I clear my throat. "He, uhhh— the Beast locked her out, actually. She couldn't get inside no matter how hard she tried." I take a deep breath and push on through my cloaked confession. "Eventually, she just left."

Her face crinkles in thought. "Well, he should go find her and apologize. That's not fair. She lives there in that castle, too. Why did he ask her to come live there if he was going to lock her out?"

I close my eyes listening to the very logical, Disney-esque version of my relationship and current debacle with Bella. Granted, these theories aren't anything I haven't thought of on my own over the last two weeks, but when my four-year-old niece lays them out plain as day, it's an eye-opener like no other.

"You're right, Bay. The Beast needs to fix this."

^^TotS^^

"How ya been, bud?"

I pull back from my grandfather's embrace and chuckle. "I don't know, Pops. I have some thinking to do."

He lands a smack on my back. "Why don't you grab us a few beers and we'll think together, okay?"

"Sounds good."

A few minutes later, I find my grandfather relaxing on a chair in my mom's screened-in porch. Bailyn is running through the sprinkler outside as my mom takes charge of the London Broil at the grill.

"So, what's the latest?" he asks, taking the bottle from my hand. I clink with him and take a long pull before sitting in the chair next to his.

"My head's been screwed for a long time…for lots of reasons, most of which you know." He nods and I continue. "I need to get my shit together, because I'm going to be a miserable old goat before long."

Pops enjoys a hearty laugh at my self-assessment and asks me to go on. I proceed to explain my history with Bella and how we originally met along with the tragedies that surrounded her three years ago. Then I fast forward to what happened over the last two months…the good and the bad. I don't hold back, I'm honest about my actions, about the words I said and those I didn't. He listens for the ten minutes I unload my story. Once I'm done, I chug the rest of my beer and watch Bailyn squeal as the cool water rains down on her.

"Did I ever tell you about the first time I fell in love?"

I shake my head. "Nope."

"I was only seventeen, but this girl had my heart something fierce. I was already slated to head out to Parris Island after graduating, but I spent every moment I could with her. She didn't want me to leave, I didn't want to go either, but I knew college wasn't for me and I had to make something of my life.

"We kept in touch as much as was allowed while I was at boot camp. Then I got shipped to Korea. It wasn't easy, but I had no choice. She said she'd wait for me, but girls like that don't stay single for long."

A pang of sadness hits me listening to my grandfather's story. "What happened?"

"She sent me a letter while I was overseas that gutted me." He pauses to take a drink. "Said a guy she'd always fancied was wanting to take her out and she didn't want to lie to me."

"That sucks. Was that the last you heard from her?"

"Hell, no! I was crazy for her. I did the only thing I could think of at the time."

My interest peaks and I snicker. "Which was?"

"I threw myself down a flight of stairs at the barracks. Broke my leg and ended up needing surgery."

By now, I'm fully engulfed in laughter. "Jesus, old man," I sputter, "did you get in trouble?"

He looks at me like I'm crazy. "I knew what I was doing. Nobody was around. I staged the whole damn thing and just screamed like hell once I was at the bottom of the stairs. A pal of mine found me wailing and I ended up on a plane back to the states."

"You're a loon. I can't believe you did all that for a girl." I take a deep breath after my laugh attack. "You could've gotten into a lot of trouble if your commanding officers found out."

He laughs with me. "I know. But I got away with it and everything worked out exactly as I wanted it to."

"So, what happened with your girl?"

"Once I was able to get myself into a car and over to her house, I confessed my love to her and told her we were meant to be together."

Sentimental fool, I think to myself, but then I realize he has more guts in his pinky than I seem to have in my entire body.

"Did she listen to you?"

"Of course she did. She's in the kitchen with your sister, ain't she?"

"THAT WAS GRAN?!"

He gives me a sly smile and a wink. "She was the only one that ever mattered, son. And when you find the only one that counts…you do whatever you have to do to make her yours. You hearin' me?"

I inhale, taking in everything he just said. "Yes, sir. Loud and clear."

"Good. Is there anything else you need help with?"

I smile and think over everything that's happened in this house today. Between the talks with my mom and Bailyn, and now my grandfather's story— not to mention the universe's clever music and movie hints— it's all pointing me in one direction. I think I've known it all along, but the fear has paralyzed me.

I can't be fearful anymore. Yeah, Bella hurt me and I sure as shit know I hurt her, but that can all be worked out. She changed my life in the best way and I just can't imagine not having her next to me forever.

"Still have any contacts in Korea? I need to go find my girl and make her mine."

A/N: Less tissues used during this chapter, I hope? Time to cross the ocean again and head to Asia, lovelies.

Many thanks and hugs to Team Cabana for always coming through for me in big and small ways. Love you ladies. My awesome Major continues to help me as my military technical advisor. Love him.

I'm back home in GA now, and school for two of my kiddos starts on Friday, so I'm hoping that the chapters will be back on track to the reliable 10-14 day update schedule. I also hope to get back to doing review replies and thanking each of you who take the time to leave a signed review. I appreciate your love and support. My readers are the best. Thank you all for being here.

xo, Jen