Who I Am (or Who I Was)
(Epilogue Part Two)

It does not matter how slowly you go so long as you do not stop.
-Confucius

There are things that Mai does not do.

One of them is pine.

Okay, so, yeah, she's disappointed about Zuko. She'd had a crush on him when she was younger, and she might - might - have shed a few tears when he was banished. And it might - might - be that one of the reasons she'd gone with Azula was to meet up with him again. Just to show him what he'd been missing out on all these years. Maybe impress him with her knife-throwing abilities. Maybe turn her nose up a bit and make him think about how she wasn't a blushing little girl anymore.

Maybe.

And she might - might - have occasionally thought about slicing off the Waterbender's hair with a wayward shuriken.

Maybe.

Still, if there's anything to cure a girl of regret over not being the Fire Lord's girlfriend, it's having to stand through a two hour coronation ceremony and then mingle afterwards with the movers and shakers of upper-crust society, cup of mango juice in hand, expected to participate in the intricate kabuki dance of politics.

The Fire Lady will have to do this all the time, and, frankly, Mai would rather be thrown into a pit of elbow leeches.

So even though Zuko wears his armor well and his half-smile is as endearing as it's ever been, the glint of gold in his hair reminds Mai of what he is now, and what his life will be from here on out.

Nope. No regrets.

Mai does not pine.

She does, however, remove herself from the festivities as much as possible, choosing to lounge against one of the marble columns of the Palace celebration hall, obscured safely by the shadows.

Sue her if she's not feeling too celebratory.

Tomorrow, she's going to have to leave.

I tried, Zuko had told her and Ty Lee, I really did. But the Earth Kingdom's not going to be satisfied until you're both in prison.

Ty Lee gasped, wide eyes widening. Why?

Um, it could be because we led the coup of Ba Sing Se, Mai had replied caustically. And then gave the city to the Fire Nation.

Oh. Yeah. Oopsie.

But the thing is, I can't arrest you before the coronation, Zuko had said. Your families are too powerful to insult. The Earth Kingdom understands that. And then, if you were to, say, disappear before I sent the guards to your house… they probably wouldn't be surprised if you eluded capture. They know how tricky you both are.

More politics. Always politics.

Still, Mai has lived and breathed the pai sho maneuverings of government since she was old enough yawn at her father's council meetings, and it doesn't take a genius to see that this is the best deal she and Ty Lee are likely to get. It doesn't even bother her that much in the grand scheme of things; after all, one can't come up with a better excuse for avoiding one's parents than evading prosecution for war crimes.

And Ty Lee, once she realized that her beloved traveling circus was the perfect place to remain on the move and incognito, cheered up instantly. Which was great for her. Even if she couldn't comprehend why spending all your time watching a performing platypus bear laying eggs wasn't the most amazing way of life, it would be anyone's idea of paradise, and oh Mai they really need someone to do knife tricks it would be so perfect and you've just GOT to come too!

Mai will miss Ty Lee - no, really, she will - but living with a circus sounds even less appealing than prison.

But she has to go somewhere.

It's all right. She's traveled before. Admittedly, that was with Azula and Ty Lee - her best and only friends - but she doesn't need them.

She doesn't need anyone.

She'll be just fine on her own.

Really.

She take another gulp of her mango drink and wishes it were a Spark Bomb. Azula would have at least made this party interesting... but, well, that's that. Azula was her friend, but in the end she would have destroyed the Fire Nation from the inside out. Helping Zuko become Fire Lord was Mai's first and last great act of patriotism.

Mai didn't mean for her to go crazy.

Yeah. Spark Bombs would help. Or cactus juice. She's heard good things about cactus juice.

It's a little bit of comfort that she's not the only one miserable at this party. Sure, Iroh looks perfectly happy chatting up all the lords and ladies who'd spent the last seven years snickering behind his back, and the Waterbender's brother - the idiot with the boomerang - blabbers about map-making to anyone even remotely interested, oblivious to their bemusement. Two peas in a pod.

The Avatar, too, is a beacon of serenity, saffron linen in a sea of crimson silk. He doesn't act like the irritatingly bouncy kid Azula had described, and he answers what have to be impertinent questions from the Sages with a lot more calm than Mai could have shown in his situation. That's probably why he's the Avatar and she's not. Among other reasons.

And Ty Lee bounces from person to person, probably forgetting how it's supposed to be a secret that they're sneaking away in a few hours and saying goodbye to everyone and anyone.

Okay, so almost everyone else is cheerful.

But only almost. Above it all on his new throne, Zuko keeps glancing at the entryways to the hall. All of them. Every five seconds. Or less. Like he's waiting for someone.

Mai can't imagine who it might be.

She rolls her eyes.

"Yeah, that's basically what I think, too."

Mai does not jump - she doesn't do that either - but she is surprised to discover the Kyoshi Warrior standing next to her. Not many people can sneak up on Mai. "I doubt we're thinking the same thing."

"Sure we are," says the Warrior, who is in full formal dress for the occasion, white chalkpaint included. (Mai searches her memory and recalls the name Suki.) She nods towards Zuko, who's now shifting his weight from foot to foot and glancing at the entryway every two seconds instead of five. "I don't know why he's not go looking for Katara," she remarks. "It's obvious he doesn't want to be here."

"He has to be," Mai replies. "It's his own coronation party. A Fire Lord can't just walk away from that; it's tradition." She doesn't bother to hide her contempt. What's the point, after all?

But Suki doesn't seem to mind; in fact, she chuckles. "That sounds awful. Glad it's his lot and not mine."

"You and me both."

They stand in semi-companionable silence for a few minutes, crowd-watching. Mai appreciates that Suki doesn't babble, though she is the one to restart the conversation. "Where are you heading, after this?"

Does everyone know she's been banished? "I'm weighing my options," she says. "I hear there's a fortune in badgermole breeding."

"Have you considered joining the Kyoshi Warriors?"

What?

Mai blinks, then turns to face Suki fully instead of just glancing at her out of the corner of her eye. "No. I haven't."

"You should." Suki's examining Mai's dress robes, and - even though Mai knows very well they're concealed - clearly sees each and every place the outfit hides a weapon. (Stilettos in her sleeves, senbons in her sash, and a kunai in her left boot, just to shake things up.) "I've never seen skills like yours before. Unless, of course, it was a fluke."

A flick of Mai's wrist, and the hem of a nearby noble's kimono is pinned to the floor. He, and everyone nearby, will be in for a shock when he tries to move.

Suki smiles. "We could really use that."

"You are aware I'm from the Fire Nation, right?"

"It hasn't slipped my mind," says Suki dryly. "But the war's over. The Kyoshi Warriors need new blood. And our uniform might be colorful enough to make you nauseous, but it's kind of useful for people who don't want to be recognized." She pauses, then turns her head and says to the shadows: "You can come too, if you'd like."

"No thanks." It's the short Earthbender. She steps forward, picks a clump of dirt out of her ear, and flicks it aside carelessly; it flies twenty feet to land in the glass of one of the courtesans. Mai's pretty sure that didn't happen by accident. "Not until you start using rockalanches in your fancy-schmancy warrior tricks. Besides, I've got my own plans." She jerks her head in the general direction of the Waterbender's brother; he's started performing raunchy haikus to the delight of the crowd. "I'm gonna help Sokka find his space sword."

"Space sword?" Mai repeats, raising an eyebrow.

Suki frowns. "I didn't know you were going with him."

"Yup. He needs me." Toph is blind, so Mai's not sure whether she knows there's a smug expression on her face. "He knows basically where it got dropped during the air battle, so we're going to stomp around the area for awhile. The space metal vibrations are pretty unique." The smugness grows into an open smirk. "Why? Jealous?"

"No, since he asked me to come first."

"Oh." Toph deflates slightly.

"I wanted to," Suki continues, and to her credit she does it very kindly, "but I have to get back to Kyoshi Island. Sokka promised to join me there as soon as he's done."

Toph's shoulders slump even more. "Right."

Well. This is awkward. Or would be, if Mai particularly cared; romantic triangles are just about as boring as politics. Which is why Mai refuses to participate in one.

Zuko has slipped away towards the balcony; when he pushes the curtains aside, Mai can see the outline of a figure in blue.

Mai does not pine. And she does not hang on boys in love with other girls.

After a moment, Suki turns and says: "I'm going to get back to the party. You'll think about it though, right?"

"I might." She will. Especially since being a Kyoshi Warrior could actually be interesting. Better than Ty Lee's circus, anyway. "If I have to use a fan, though, it's no deal."

"Understood."

Mai and Toph watch - or rather, she watches, and the Earthbender feels - as Suki makes her way to her boyfriend's side. Sokka throws an arm around her shoulders and keeps talking; Suki smiles.

"For the record," Toph says darkly, "as soon as I grow boobs, it's on."

Mai just shrugs.