If you're reading this, I'm gone. Again.

I won't sit here and tell you how much I love you and care about you because I know you know. When I'd tease ya and tell ya you were my favorite, it's because you are.

Don't tell your brother.

Anyways, I am sorry for this next part here. There's some secrets I've kept and many lies I've told you. A long time ago, when I first got into hunting, I come across a hunter. He had a regular life. Wife and kid. Real picket fence type shit. She hated him hunting and gave him a choice. He chose to leave his family to keep them safe.

I've been living some normal life part time that you and your brother never knew about. I went to dance recitals, soccer games, school plays and watched her go to prom with some idjit that wasn't good enough to clean the mud off her tires. Watched her get her heart broken by that asshole too. She deserves better.

All you kids do.

She grew up good and spent every spring break here and sent me cards and texts weekly. Some summers, she'd spent a few weeks here before heading home to her mama.

He paused for a moment, racking his brain and trying to remember Bobby acting strangely towards he and Sam when in reality, he was hiding this huge secret from them.

There was this one March when you two boys were here crashing for the weekend after that run in with those kids with that damn ghost hunting show or whatever. She was on her way from school and I kinda had to usher you out of here before she got here. Not that I didn't care about ya two idjits, it was just that I didn't want her involved in this crap that consumed our lives and damn near sucked 'em dry.

Anyways, if I'm gone, I want you to find Riley if she hasn't found you two yet. She's a student over at Luther University in Decorah, Iowa. Minored in biblical languages, so you mind find her informative. Be honest with her. No doubt she'll be overwhelmed at anything you tell her, but I think she'll be alright. Tough kid. Like you boys. She will give you forgiveness when you don't ask. Riley will see the very best in both you boys, even when all you see is pain and scars and darkness. She is honest and trustworthy and I expect you boys will keep her safe for me.

Don't think for one second that I won't find some damn way to pierce the veil and kick your asses.

That part made him smile and he folded the letter in half, feeling like that was a good place to stop for tonight. Dean didn't want to get all misty eyed over this and somewhere, he knew Bobby would laugh at him if (and when) he did.

He marveled at the fact that Bobby was able to balance two lives, two worlds, good and evil the way he had without one damn person knowing it. Bobby was being a father figure to both he and Sam in their fucked up world and being a dad to this young woman when her own father walked out of her life nearly two decades ago. He'd done the best he could with both parties, Dean was damn sure of that. Making sure he and Sam felt safe and cared for everytime they came to the home that was a safe haven for them. Made sure they filled their bellies and rested their heads, even if they were just there for a night.

Well if that shit wasn't parallel, he wasn't sure what was.

At the same time, Dean couldn't help but to feel jealousy churning in the pit of his stomach. It wasn't fair of him to feel that way and he damn well knew it. He could always sort of sense some semblence of guilt radiating off Bobby, but hell, find him a hunter who didn't and you'd find yourself a liar.

He pushed off the end of his bed to stand, folding the letter over one more time. A few steps brought him to his desk and Dean opened his desk drawer and tucked the letter inside, wanting to finish it later. Savor it. It would be like talking to Bobby for the very last time and then never again until he got to heaven.

If he ever got there.

spnspnspn

Riley was sitting on the couch talking to Sam quietly when the older man came back down to the war room. They glanced up at him but continued their quiet conversation. His younger brother was always better at getting women to reveal themselves; Dean was always better at getting them out of their clothes.

Two different kinds of exposed, Dean mused wryly. I'd rather be physically naked than emotionally. That would be much more out of his element and he didn't do uncomfortable feelings.

Ever.

He poured himself a drink despite the hour and sat down in front of Sam's laptop and turned it on, scooting in his chair closer to the lighted table. Sam had his arm across the back of the couch as he spoke to the young woman next to him. She was less anxious that she'd been an hour before, when she'd run off.

Sam smiled down at her before getting up to approach his brother. "Hey listen... she's gonna be alright. I know this sucks royally..." Dean nodded up at his little brother. "She's not gonna run. Riley said she's staying here with us." He saw the concern flickers over the older hunter's features for a second. His voice lowered considerably. "Dean, she might be able to help us here..."

"Minored in biblical studies." His voice was low, but it fell on Riley's ears anyways. She didn't turn around though, just listened. "I know... read part of my letter..." Sam's expression softened. "I'm not exactly chomping at the bit to dump anything else on her right now, so don't..." A tense silence followed and Riley could feel the exchange getting heated, albeit silently behind her, mostly law clenches and pointed looks. "I mean it."

"Fine." Was Sam's retreat. Riley looked up when he appeared next to her again. She forced a small smile, her letter still in her lap. He took his spot next to her again and heard the scrape of Dean's chair as he stood up, finished his morning whiskey. His calloused hand reached out to close the laptop again. Sam turned to look at his older brother for a second when he heard the now empty glass tumbler being set down on the table.

"I'm going down to the gun range..." Was all he said, his tone gruff. His bootfalls retreated from the room, the lack of his presence making the room feel very large. Sam shifted again, his hazel eyes meeting hers.

"Bobby's letter said you minored in biblical studies?"

spnspnspn

A/N:

Sorry I haven't posted in over a week on this... work, mommy, wife balance was a bit off.

Anyways, I feel like we see a bit of post hell Dean here... having his morning eye opener. Always makes me sad he was drinking like that. :( I deal with so many souls in my line of work that remind me of him and each one makes me thankful for the life I have. Like these people have a heart of gold but are so stuck in their own internal emotional turmoil they can't even see the good inside them.

I'm fairly positive that the next chapter will be a little darker and may have a trigger warning.

Thanks for stopping by! Leave me a review!

CitrineMama