Honest SSW United Trailer
I got bored. Pretend this is a real TV show
From the alliance of wrestling shows everyone likes more than the WWE, comes...one of those shows.
SSW...UNITED...
Prepare your tickets and popcorn and get ready to meet some of the greatest wrestlers in the WFA and watch them throw down like...
Ash Russo, a guy everyone loves because he likes to burn things...(Shows Ash burning down Freddy Escobar's golden throne)
Don't forget his buddies, Lacey Alvarez, Jasper Cage, and Roman Mcintyre...(Shows said three Anarchy members)
And together, they are ANARCHY...despite the fact that they're not exactly causing anarchy for the sake of chaos...which is the real purpose of anarchy according to my outdated dictionary.
CJ Hawk...that one guy who's so unstoppable people have been wishing for someone to beat him for once!
(Chris Blade is shown) at least he did...in ICW, at least. (Justin Danger is shown) Goddamnit, Danger, you better follow Blade up.
But hey, let's introduce these guys before we get sued...(Shows Monarchy)
Meet the Monarchy, literally the most asshole-ey group of people you'll ever meet, led by this King Joffrey type (Freddy Escobar), who like his mentor Eddie Guerrero, LIES...CHEATS...AND STEALS...
He is a world champion in multiple WFA shows and his compatriots are struggling to meet his example, yet I only get to see ONE Episode of the Prince's Court! (Shows said talk show)
But hey, at least this s***'s better than Miz TV, right? Right?
We've got more people to introduce like...(Shows Shadow Coven)
The Shadow Coven, an unstoppable group of supernatural addicts who are only unstoppable if they're not in a match, consisting of:
Two interchangeable vampires (Ben Jones and Ryan Lewis)
This sexy witch (Sara Lewis)
and this almost completely forgettable cowboy (Shane Eastwood)
They've just formed a dangerous alliance with Monarchy...despite the fact that Escobar had said he was going to make them bow as well. But hey, who could forget...the New Shield? (Shows the New Shield)
Meet the New Shield, that one group everyone cheers for because they're big faces in another company (ICW), they consist of
Furno Moxley, the grittier and bloodier Dean Ambrose,
Nyx Rosewood, the younger, two toned haired version of Lita,
Raptor Reigns, who is essentially his dislikable older brother booked right,
and Ajax, who initially starts off as a carbon copy of his cousin Rollins...until the four of them reveal their true colors as bloody psychopaths who believe that they are justice.
Huh. They remind me of Light from Death Note (shows Netflix 2017 Death Note)
Not that movie of course. (shows the anime) That's better...Wait, they're indefinitely suspended?! I don't know what to think anymore...okay...Well, they deserved it for beating down this poor soul (El Heroico) WITH MICK FOLEY'S BARBIE! Huh...maybe Furno got it thanks to his previous romance with Noelle Foley...HEYO!
And then there's...Fortress?...Logan Storm?...Abby Torres?...Cash Ki- Oh, goddamnit! Let's just go to the starring part, there's too many of them!
Starring:
Not Ash Ketchum (Ash Russo)
Purgers from the Purge (Lacey Alvarez, Jasper Cage, Roman Mcintyre)
An actually more competent Joffrey Baratheon type (Freddy Escobar)
Pre Overwatch Doomfist (King Caesar)
Not Kofi Kingston (DJ Kingston)
Hispanic Mick Foley (Dylan Torres)
Better Eve Torres (Natalia Rodriguez)
Twilight (Ben Jones and Ryan Lewis)
Sabrina the Adult Witch (Sarah Lewis)
Clint Eastwood's...totally unknown relative (Shane Eastwood)
The Red Hood (Furno Moxley)
Vampire Diaries (Nyx Rosewood)
Discount Khal Drogo (Raptor Reigns)
Ninja Warrior wannabe (Ajax)
More Purgers (The Fortress)
A more entertaining John Cena stereotype (CJ Hawk)
Del Rio stereotype (Adrian Lord)
Long lost bro stereotype (Detrick Cyrus)
The Next Nia Jax (Logan Storm)
Charlie's Angels (Reign) (Shows Jessie getting hurt by her own teammates at Extinction)
Okay...never mind...moving on...
The other better Eve Torres (Abby Torres)
Discount Christopher Reeve Superman (El Heroico)
Shane Mcmahon wannabes (Cash Kings)
and...discount pre screwjob Vince Mcmahon (Jack Classic)
Smackdown...wait, wait..
SSW UNITED
Sorry I couldn't describe all the roster members. THERE'S JUST SO MANY OF THEM AND I DON'T KNOW MANY OF THEM