WFA Intern's Guide to Survival
I've seen these kinds of fanfictions in the Avengers fanfiction archive. I figured: Why the hell not? Can happen in any promotion and in the point of view of a random backstage worker. Some of these are based on hilarious conversations I had with JJ the Great
1) Twilight must NOT be mentioned within the vicinity of the Coven
(Seriously, who still does?)
(Vampire Diaries is cool, though.)
(Sara Lewis loves that show)
2) Don't borrow DJ Kingston's hoverboard just to impress chicks
(I almost broke it while borrowing it for a date)
(DJ wasn't happy)
(Then he told me, "If you wanted to impress chicks, you could've just asked!")
3) Never bring up Justin Danger's twin brother in front of him
(Do I even have to explain?)
4) If you are being chased by Genocide, hide behind the nearest big guy, lunatic, or stable
(I brought up New Day around him and he wanted to put me through the Holocaust)
(I managed to hide behind King Caesar)
(Still haven't left his side, though)
5) Do not ask Furno Moxley about his romantic life
(He has few yet terrifying stories)
(One involving a minor, another the WWE performance center, and another a drunken woman)
(If you do ask, don't let Nyx Rosewood know about it)
6) Do not criticize Nyx Rosewood's singing
(One guy said about her cover of Shake It Off, "This stuff's boring")
(Said guy disappeared for days)
(I later found him in Brutus Vicious's locker room, in the fetal position, sucking his thumb like a baby)
7) Always have food around in case Brutus Vicious gets pretty agitated
(Ah, food, the best way to solve your problems)
(I heard him breathing heavily, so I offered him my packed lunch)
(Calmed down...after he wolfed down my entire lunch)
8) NEVER INVITE WWE SUPERSTARS WITHOUT PERMISSION. PERIOD.
(I stupidly invited the Shield and Shawn Michaels backstage to SSW United)
(Dean Ambrose actually called out Jack Classic with all his favorite swear words!)
(Didn't help really help when Roman Reigns Superman Punched Ash Russo.)
(Seth Rollins and HBK did nothing but watch and talk)
9) Yes, Will Ralston is Scottish. No, you cannot have him reenact Braveheart scenes for your own entertainment
(Unless he's okay with it)
(Karin's okay with it!)
10) If you want boxing lessons, go to King Caesar ONLY
(So...my friend wanted to learn boxing)
(Didn't help when Dylan Torres taught him this and that)
(The next hour, we went to King Caesar for boxing lessons. Works!)
11) Never compare CJ Hawk to John Cena
(At least CJ Hawk never buried Alex Riley!)
(If you break this rule, at least don't do it in the vicinity of Nikki Bella)
(Or Brie Bella, or Daniel Bryan, or any little Cenamaniacs)
12) Be Freddy Escobar's royal guard/goon at your own risk
(In all fairness, the outfit looked good)
(Until I noticed I had to defend him from a rampaging Justin Danger)
(Who kicked me in my babymaker and threw me into the barricade head first!)
13) No more Segway races with the wrestlers
(People cheat)
(Especially Monarchy)
(And Dan Riley)
14) If everyone tears their quads, either Sara Lewis is the cause of it, or people are just unlucky.
(I tore my quads just trying to get food for Brutus Vicious!)
(He tore his quads seconds after)
15) If you see someone write fanfictions on their computer, DO NOT JUDGE.
(I will not say which wrestlers write fanfictions)
(...Nyx Rosewood...and Traci Star...)
16) Don't pour water all over Natalia Rodriguez and say "You were on fire!"
(Someone got his ass astonishingly whooped the last time this happened)
(You know who did the ass whooping)
17) Stop claiming the wrestlers have fictional characters as part of their family!
(For example, no more claims that King Joffrey is Freddy Escobar's ancestor,)
(Or that Jason Voorhees is Furno Moxley's actual father,)
(or that the Selene from Underworld is Ben Jones' mom,)
(or that Katerina Petrova from Vampire Diaries is Nyx Rosewood's ancestor,)
(or that Jean Grey is Cody Fireheart's mom,)
(The list goes on and on)
18) STOP ASKING THE WOMEN TO BE STRIPPERS FOR YOUR PARTIES!
(So I have this friend who wanted to celebrate his birthday in style)
(What he did? Ask some women to come up with a strip dance for him like a perverted idiot)
(Instead of a strip dance, he ended up with several party crashers: DJ Kingston, Ben Jones, Furno Moxley, and Brutus Vicious)
19) Yes, there is a yandere girl going after Ajax. You cannot use this fact for your own gain.
(Gets him everytime!)
("Hey, Ajax, Alena's come for you!")
(I kept doing this...until said yandere girl's big bad older bro visited me.)
20) IF EVER, EVAN NEAL CREATES A WFA VERSION OF TOTAL DIVAS, DO NOT LET FURNO MOXLEY KNOW ABOUT IT
(What makes you think he'll like a WFA version if he doesn't like the original?)