Sam was sitting on the edge of Riley's bed and she was laying on her left side facing the door, still in the same clothes she'd had on for the last three days, when he'd brought Dean home. His studious eyes moved over her disheveled appearance. She hadn't showered, her hair hadn't been brushed and her eyes were dull, that sparkle Sam had grown to love was long gone now.
Along with his brother.
"Sam?"
"Yeah, honey?" His tone was comforting to her and she shifted a bit to look him in the eye.
"I love your brother." Sam blinked a few times at her unexpected statement. "I love him because he wasn't perfect. He was broken and still, he carried the weight of the world on his shoulders." Her hand came up to wipe away a tear that had escaped. "A long time ago, for my 21st birthday, Bobby got me this bowl from Japan. In their culture, the repairs on pottery and things are often done with gold or silver." She pushed up off the mattress and moved to her trunk at the foot of her bed. Riley opened the lid and shuffled around before she found the an object and handed it to Sam gingerly.
It was a bowl that was a deep reddish brown color and there were gold lines where it had been repaired. "It's beautiful." Sam spoke softly, the weight of the bowl heavy in his hands. His hazel gaze moved to hers when she sat down next to him.
"The Japanese call it kintsukuroi... it's an art form that recognizes the object to be more beautiful having been broken." She sat down on the edge of her bed, her hands clutched tightly in her lap. "Bobby always had this uncanny way of knowing exactly what I needed." Riley swallowed the lump in her throat. "We all have our scratches and dents, I guess, right?"
"This isn't your fault, Riley."
"I wish I could've saved him, Sam." Her voice was choked with emotion. He'd set the bowl bowl on top of her trunk to his right and turned back to pull her in for a hug before she started to cry again. Sam's eyes closed when he felt her arms around his neck. "I'm so sorry."
"This isn't your fault." His repeated words were a whisper now.
"He saved me, Sam... and I couldn't save him."
spnspnspnspn
Sam had managed to talk Riley into getting a shower. She'd spent close to twenty minutes in there with the water running while she sobbed. Sam had stood outside the bathroom door, waiting for her.
Inside, looking down at her shaking hands, Riley struggled to breathe normally. A soft sob escaped her lips and her chest tightened even more, feeling a sense of overwhelming panic threatening to overtake her.
She barely felt the sting of the hot water against her bare skin. She felt numb and panicked, all at the same time.
Didn't remember leaving Dean's bedroom.
Didn't remember stripping off her clothes for the shower.
Riley hadn't even realized she was crying until the cheap plastic curtain was yanked back and a pair of strong, calloused hands were on her; one on her lower back and the other taking the half empty shampoo bottle out of her left hand. "Easy Ry," His voice was gentle and her breath caught in her throat. She closed her eyes tightly and she felt him rinsing the rest of the shampoo from her hair before cranking the hot water off. "Step out here... I got you." She nodded slightly, her chocolate eyes fighting to focus on his face, his hazel eyes studying her reaction, or lack thereof.
Sam wrapped the last clean towel around her before helping her down to her bedroom, sitting her down on her bed. She stared at the floor in front of her, the towel clutched loosely in her hands around her torso. He appeared in front of her again and knelt down to meet her eyes. Riley felt him slipping something on her legs before pulling a tshirt over her head. She let the towel drop and Sam averted his eyes as she tugged the oversized tshirt down, sliding her arms in the sleeves somewhat clumsily. "Got to pull up your underwear, Riley."
She tugged them up under the towel and let the damp white towel tumble to the floor at her feet. Sam's warm hands touched her upper arms and she raised her eyes to his. She looked utterly lost. "I can't do this, Sam." He put an arm around her shoulders and hugged her to him for a moment. She finally pushed back and nodded to him. Riley closed her eyes as she felt the gentle tug of her comb through her wet tangled hair. Sam's warm hand found hers a moment later and she let him lead her out into the war room.
He still couldn't coax Riley into eating anything and he was worried. She'd adamently refused anything he'd offered, although her stomach was growling loud enough for him to hear it. "Riley, please. I'll go get you a pizza or something. Please let me take care of you." She sank into one of the chairs, tucking her feet under her.
"I don't want you taking care of me." I want Dean. "Just leave me alone."
Sam's eyes darkened at her bitter tone. "You listen to me." That firm tone she'd never heard him use gained her full attention. "You have to eat. You have to sleep." He leaned forward to brace his hands on the arms of her chair in the war room. "How on earth are you gonna help me find Dean if you won't take care of yourself? Damnit Riley."
His emotional words were all it took for her to break down again. Riley reached up and her arms were around his neck as she sobbed into his shoulder. Sam hugged her tight, afraid to let the brunette go. "I'm so sorry, Sam."
"Please. Let me take care of you. I need you too, you know." He pulled back some and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "When I get my brother back and you're a mess, he's gonna kick my ass royally for not taking care of you for him." For some reason, that reason made her even sadder. "Let me take care of you, Ry." He let her go to cup her cheeks in his huge hands, forcing her brown eyes to meet his. "For Dean."
"For Dean." She whispered back and there was a hint of a smile of his features.
Sam hugged her close again before releasing him. "I'm gonna make us something to eat and we'll get back on the books." He helped her out of the wooden chair and onto the couch, surprised at how wobbly her legs were under her. Sam pulled a fluffy blanket that was thrown haphazardly over the back of the couch over her. "I'll be a back in a couple minutes. Just close your eyes, honey." Her chocolate gaze held his before she obeyed a few seconds later.
He winced when he looked into the fridge for something to eat. Their food supply had dwindled down since they'd last gone for a supply run. Sam pulled out some eggs and parmesean cheese. He cracked the eggs in the skillet before turning on the coffee pot. He cooked up some scrambled eggs for them and carried the two plates back into the war room. His expression softened when he heard her soft snore. Setting the plates down carefully, Sam moved to her and a sad smile tugged at his lips.
He sat down at the other end of the couch, moving her lower legs across his lap. He put his feet up on the coffee table and slouched down a bit, leaning his head back and closing his eyes.
spnspnspnspn
Riley was staring openly at Dean as he slept. She never made it a habit to look at him that closely and she always felt awkward studying people up close like that, afraid that she'd seem like a creeper. Yes, Dean was devastatingly handsome and even after the last several months of staying with the boys, Riley still felt nervous talking to him sometimes, his intense jade eyes making her feel like he was staring straight into her deepest thoughts.
His bedside lamp was on the lowest setting and she continued to gaze at the man next to her. His chest rose and fell evenly with his breathing and she relaxed some when the cadence between his breaths didn't change, indicating he was still in a deep sleep. Dean really was beautiful, Riley smiled to herself.
He had a light dusting of freckles across his nose and cheeks that she'd never noticed before. His full lips were parted slightly in his slumber and her hand moved up to brush the backs of her knuckles against the light stubble on his right cheek. His dark lashes fanned out against his skin, tanned from the hours spent sitting in his car with the window down, the sunlight shining in as they drove. Riley's index finger traced a small, faded scar on his eyebrow.
His green eyes fluttered open sleepily and she pulled her hand back, embarassed. "Mornin' sweetheart," He murmured. "You countin' my freckles while I sleep?"
Riley's eyes twinkled at his teasing words, a light blush on her cheeks. "No, I was just... looking at you." Dean watched her get embarassed, his eyes heavy lidded with sleep.
His hand caught hers before it could make a retreat. Dean pulled her hand to his lips, kissing her knuckles softly. "You sleep okay?" The brunette froze at the sensation of his lips against her skin, not used to a man paying such attention to her. He was making her feel all sorts of things and her eyes moved from his and she didn't catch the way his brow wrinkled at her aversion to his gaze. "Ry? You alright?"
She nodded once. "I'm sorry..."
Dean pressed another kiss to her knuckles before tucking their hands against his chest as he shifted to face her. "Sorry for what?"
"I don't know..." Riley closed her eyes and stiffened slightly when she felt him let go of her hand and pull her against him, his arm heavy and comforting around her torso.
"You don't have to apologize for anything, sweetheart." She felt him press a second kiss to her forehead. "I'm right here. Go back to sleep." His nose nuzzled into her hair some before she felt him roll her on her back slightly and her heart rate quickened when she felt some of his weight on top of her. Dean reached out across her body and fumbled for the switch on the lamp on the nightstand behind her, bathing the bedroom in darkness. He moved back a bit and his arm came around her waist again. "You alright?" Riley only nodded against him, the stubble on his chin against her forehead. Dean could feel her heart pounding and he spoke again. "I'm right here, Ry."
Her brown eyes fluttered open and the realization that she'd just dozed off and this was just a memory of one of their nights together hit her like a punch to the gut and she squeezed her eyes shut, not wanting to cry again. Dean was out there someplace and all's she wanted was to have him home.
spnspnspnspn
Good evening!
So now that Dean's gone, Riley and Sam are left to pick up the pieces. Will she come clean about her past or will Sam find out some other way? Stay tuned!
CitrineMama