SSW KINGDOM HONEST TRAILER
If you haven't read SSW Kingdom parts 1 and 2 of SSW United, don't read yet
The following trailer is rated SSWS for STRONG STYLE WRESTLING SPOILERS!
From the company that brought you the idea that gang warfare is totally cool, comes the pay per view event that...if you think about it, it's just an edited rehash of the previous one.
SSW KINGDOM
Get ready for another epic pay per view full of your favorite and not so favorite wrestlers like:
Ash Russo, a guy everyone loves because he burns things,
CJ Hawk, a guy who JUST CAN'T LOSE AT ALL BECAUSE HE'S GOT PLOT ARMOR,
Freddy Escobar, a guy everyone hates because he emulates everyone's favorite Latino Heat (Eddie Guerrero)
Is it just me, or are the babyfaces just dickish in a way?
Watch as the world famous Classic Cup comes to an end between these guys:
Detrick Cyrus, a guy everyone loves because he ALSO emulates everyone's favorite Latino Heat, which leaves me a little confused.
Chris Blade, the one guy I just keep making sword puns out of...
Paul Catapult, the closest we'll ever get to a decent Evan Bourne type
and Union Jack Jr, who is essentially Mr America but younger and British.
Experience not just the Classic Cup finals, but also most of the tings you remembered from the previous pay per view, all over again!
Post match beatdown AGAIN! (Fortress vs Dommsday)
One sided Women's match AGAIN! (Abby Torres vs Logan Storm)
CJ retains AGAIN! (CJ Hawk vs Justin Danger)
Supernatural bullcrap AGAIN!
But, hey, don't worry about it because Ash wins the Universal Championship in the main event and everyone lived happily ever after...
(Shows the New Shield)
*sigh*...not...
You loved Furno Moxley and the New Shield for being big match heroes in ICW, but hate them for being f***ed up villains in SSW. Now, SSW fans, GET READY TO HATE THEM EVEN MORE AS THEY:
cause a blackout, scare kids with creepy singing, invade the main event heavily armed, attack Anarchy with a disturbing lack of human mercy, steal Monarchy's four man finisher, and soak up the boos of the most heated crowd towards anything related to the Shield since Raw post Wrestlemania 33.
"This is my yard now." - Roman Reigns, post WM33 (insert the boos)
"THIS...IS OUR YARD NOW." - Furno Moxley, SSW Kingdom's ending (insert the boos)
It doesn't end there because towards the end, you get a creepy Undertaker-like teaser of what could be a new Bullet Club and the biggest troll of all time as two new groups are on the rise (Cobra Club and the Empire)
Yeah...things are really heating up as we count down to Ring of Valhalla.
Starring:
*shouting* BURN IT DOWN! (Ash Russo)
Who? I forgot? (Lacey Alvarez)
Bebop and Rocksteady (Jasper Cage and Roman Mcintyre)
Hispanic Cody Rhodes (Freddy Escobar)
King Lashley (King Caesar)
No more Kofi Kingston jokes! (DJ Kingston)
Detroit Joe (Dylan Torres)
Rosa Mendes...if she was more competent (Natalia Rodriguez)
Team Fortress 2 (The Fortress)
The Volkihar Vampire Clan (The Shadow Coven)
Hawkman (CJ Hawk)
*singing* Highway to the Danger Zone! (Justin Danger)
Still the next Nia Jax (Logan Storm)
That one chick from Pirates of the Carribean: On Stranger Tides (Abby Torres)
The story of team PCB (Reign, Jessie Faraday)
Latino Heat Numero Dos (Detrick Cyrus)
Blade Runner 2017 (Chris Blade)
King Joffrey if he had better parents (Union Jack Jr)
and An Evan Bourne type (Paul Catapult)
Also guest starring:
Cobra-taker (Seth Sullivan)
The Punisher (Furno Moxley)
Katerina Petrova (Nyx Rosewood)
Down Since "OOOOAHHH!"-ish (Raptor Reigns)
ANBU (Ajax)
and...Loki (Evan Neal)
SSW KINGDOM/EXTINCTION 2/HOLY S*** WHAT THE F*** IS GOING ON?!