DAMN. HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN?
Anyways, here is an early Christmas gift: 20 things Pervert Intern can no longer do:
20 THINGS PERVERT INTERN CAN NO LONGER DO
1) Be within close proximity of any wrestlers
(It's...pretty obvious why)
(Totally cool since EVERYONE is avoiding him)
(Though some just want to beat him to death)
(...Traci Star...and Logan Storm)
2) Make comments on any wrestler's YouTube channel
(Seth Sullivan had enough)
(Nyx Rosewood had enough)
(Justin Danger had enough)
(etc)
3) Be near any of the showers
(Male showers included)
(We don't want Angelo Santos or Zach Grey to sing sopranos!)
(It's bad enough Pervert Intern already peeked in the women's restrooms once)
4) Make any fanfictions of himself and one of the female wrestlers
(Official fanfictions read by the WFA roster and employees are only confirmed by Traci Star and Nyx Rosewood)
(So far...they hate Pervert Intern's works)
(YOU CAN'T HAVE A HAREM, GODDAMNIT!)
5) Catcall for any reason
(Do I have to explain?!)
(He's done that to Carson numerous times already!)
(The burden of having to intern for HBC...)
6) Dress as one of the male wrestlers
(It never works)
(Just because you dress like Furno Moxley doesn't mean Nyx Rosewood will sleep with you.)
(Besides, that woman is bats*it crazy)
7) CROSSDRESS
(Nope. Just...no.)
(You can't just crossdress as Nikki Gage and sleep with Brianna Kelly just to make your wet dreams come true!)
(How the hell did you even find supplies to do drag?!)
8) Go to Chris Wolf's restaurant
(The place would suck if perverts crashed it)
(Chris charged Pervert Intern double for just stepping in the place!)
9) Make any mention of the Blampied issue
(I won't explain further...)
10) Beg the GM's to let him participate in a Championship match
(It's pretty much self explanatory)
(You're an intern, not a wrestler. PERIOD)
(And I'm pretty sure you'd get your ass handed to you more than usual)
(And that includes begging Jack Classic to allow you to stop Furno Moxley all by yourself)
11) Look at a mistletoe
(Yes, we're not allowing you to look at a mistletoe!)
(Last time that happened, you ended up underneath one...)
(...with Traci Star...)
(...while I was underneath one with HBC)
12) Use the Internet (or any gadget) without any supervision
(Dude. Stop watching porn on your phone!)
(Or your laptop)
(or your iPad)
(or a desktop computer...)
13) Buy Playboy magazines
(Not even gonna bother saying anything)
14) Make suggestions to have the females pose for Playboy
(THEY'RE WRESTLERS, NOT MODELS!)
(This ain't the (god-awful) Divas era anymore!)
(NO ONE IS GOING TO BE THE NEXT TORRIE WILSON, OKAY!)
15) Dress as the Godfather
(It was a terrifying scene)
(That was when Monarchy's Halloween party died)
(It's that bad.)
16) Send anything to the wrestlers for movie night
(The last one he sent traumatized everyone present)
(He sent them...wait for it...)
(nothing but pure pornography)
17) Participate in prank wars
(All his pranks are like the atomic bomb of prank wars)
(No one has scared Mama's Soldiers that bad)
(No surprise everyone else dropped their atomic bomb pranks on him)
18) Ride in tour buses
(Raptor Reigns is tour bus police chief now)
19) Quote Game of Thrones
(No more Oberyn, Tyrion, or Daario quotes!)
(They're creepy in real life)
20) Steal clothing
(Pervert Intern was partly the reason Jeff Rizzo walked in on Katarina Love naked)
(or at least that's what people say...)
(Mm. Mm...)
(Did I just sing Taylor Swift at the end of this list?)