Dean clicked on his light after opening his bedroom door. The air in there wasn't as stagnant as he'd thought it might be after four months away and his eyes fell to the bed. His brow wrinkled slightly as his gaze raked over the unmade bed and the obvious creases on his pillowcases. "She slept in here every night." Sam's voice behind him made him startle.

"Don't do that." His heart was pounding in his chest now. "Why?" Dean turned to his taller sibling, frown lines prominent on his brow.

Sam dared a small smile, his hazel eyes sparkling just a little with unshed tears. "Because Dean... it was as close to you as she could get." His studious gaze took in the confusion that seeped onto Dean's features before Sam nodded, even though the older man hadn't responded to that. None of them had had a wink of sleep and Sam moved back to retreat to his own room, despite the midday hour. "Night, brother."

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Not one of them had slept the night before and to say 'goodnight' at any random hour of the day never felt strange to either man, because 'goodnight' always followed a long drive or a tough hunt and signaled a stopping point to rest and regroup, both physically and emotionally. After getting his brother back home and Riley as well, Sam never saw it so perfectly fitting until now.

He stripped down to his boxers in his own room and flopped onto his bed. He felt strangely settled, with Castiel there watching over them and Dean and Riley down the hall. He'd done out what he'd set to do. Bring everyone home safe.

But it was a much different homecoming than he'd ever expected. Sam thought bringing Dean home and curing him would have been the uphill battle, which it was, don't get him wrong. But it was the way that Dean blamed himself, the way he admitted what he'd done when his soul wasn't intact to care. And no, while Dean hadn't acted on those impulses, he'd laced the underlying threat before the brunette down the hall with torture and rape, two things he would never do.

Sam yanked up the covers over himself, his heart felt heavy as his thoughts moved to the brunette, feeling overwhelming guilt at not knowing what she had been struggling with prior to this shit show. It was the way Riley longed for his brother for four long months and now that he was home, she couldn't even bear to hear or speak his name.

That made Sam's breathing quicken. He couldn't let himself dwell on the what ifs. Facts were facts and Dean hadn't followed through on his threats and Sam had to focus on that. Remember that. Otherwise, he'd have probably killed Dean himself for the emotional torture alone he'd inflicted on the brunette.

"Damnit Dean." He murmured as he closed his eyes, feeling sleep tugging at him now incessantly. Sam's body jerked once and his heart rate slowed before he slipped into a somewhat peaceful slumber.

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Nearly three hours of blissful unawareness passed before Riley awoke with a full bladder and an empty stomach. It growled at her and she slid a cautious hand over it, afraid it may change its mind and revolt against her if she tried to eat. Castiel was still sitting at his post in her chair. "Are you aright? You seemed to sleep well." He sensed the second she awoke and watched her carefully, not wanting to startle her.

"I'm just gonna go pee and I'll be back." Her voice still sounded raw to her and her throat ached for some hot tea. "Thanks Castiel." He gave a single nod and she knew he'd be right there waiting there for her. Riley cautiously unlocked her door, the mechanism sounding a like a gunshot on a quiet night. She winced, not wanting to disturb Sam while was was undoubtedly resting.

Or at least, she'd hoped he was.

It had been a long yesterday and an even longer overnight and she knew none of them had probably gotten anything close to what could be considered rest. Lucky Castiel, Riley mused. He didn't require sleep, but she liked naps; it was a little break from the turmoil that churned inside her mind and her heart and she always sort of welcomed unconsciousness. She liked to dream and now, almost eight months after walking into Bobby's empty house and meeting the Winchester boys, she had almost forgotten what dreaming was like.

Riley used the toilet and flushed and washed her hands, glancing up only briefly into the mirror at her reflection. She looked exhausted and war worn and almost didn't recognize the woman staring back at her. Her hair was wavy and damp from the recent shower and she pulled open the drawer for a ponytail holder. Riley twisted her hair into a messy bun before clicking off the light and leaving the bathroom. She crept down the hall quietly and headed for the kitchen.

Riley was starving for the first time in a long time and she knew there would be something around to take back to her room. She stepped down into the bunker kitchen and crossed the cool floor with her bare feet silently. She shuffled around in the cabinet, searching for something that would be considered nutritionally dense until she felt every hair on the back of her neck stand up at his almost overwhelming presence.

Dean.

The brunette looked over her shoulder and dropped the granola breakfast bar that was in her hand. Dean was standing there in the kitchen doorway, looking equal parts surprised and exhausted in his pajama pants and gray tshirt. "Ry?" His sweet, quiet voice he used to use when they were alone was back and instead of comforting her, that just made panic rip through her chest.

Was this some sort of a sick game to trick her into feeling safe?

He took one careful step down into the kitchen and she whimpered, halting his retreat. "Sam?" Her voice was shrill as it rose and they both heard the creak and groan of Sam's mattress. The expression on the man's face was unreadable and he held up his hands slowly, palms towards her, as if to assure her he was no threat to her. "Sam?" The second time his brother's name escaped her lips, Dean's heart broke.

His brother appeared seconds later, taking in the sight before him. Dean was frozen in the kitchen doorway, unaware that Riley felt trapped by the way his body blocked her only way out. The brunette was standing near the kitchen sink, her back against the counter top and her hands out in front of her, as if to ward off his brother. Dean met his brother's gaze when he slipped by him in the doorway. "Hey," Sam moved to Riley and spoke reassuringly to her. "I'm here. It's okay."

Dean heard her hiccup and saw Sam cup her cheek affectionately. "It's okay. Just Dean." A sob soft escaped then, her hand over her mouth, his brother's shoulders almost hiding Riley from Dean's view. "Honey, just take a couple deep breaths for me." Pause. "Atta girl. He's just getting some coffee," Sam turned to his brother, his eyes flashing to Dean's in a silent warning. "Let me get you a cup too, hm?"

Riley gave a quick nod, not daring to meet Dean's imploring eyes. He saw her fingers curled around the bottom of Sam's tshirt, gripping tightly as if he was her lifeline. She clung to his side as he made them a pot of coffee. Dean stayed by the doorway for a moment before daring to step down to the kitchen table. He slid onto one of the stools and looked down at his hands, feeling sorrow settling into his bones at Riley's blatant fear of him.

Sam was speaking to her softly now, the sputtering coffee pot drowning out most of his words. Dean dared a glance in her direction and she wasn't looking at him. Her teeth worried her bottom lip and she nodded at something Sam said. He patted her arm and she stepped aside so he could pull out the toaster and pick up the granola bar she'd dropped. Sam plugged in the appliance and dropped two slices of bread inside.

Dean couldn't help but to stare at Riley; her hair was a lot longer that he'd remembered it four months ago. Probably hasn't had it cut since I gave her a trim in the hotel room after that vengeful spirit hunt, he thought sadly. Her pajama pants hung a little lower on her hips and he'd suddenly noticed how much weight she'd lost. Before, there was a nice curve to her lower half and she had this bit of softness around her middle. He dared not to let himself remember what it had been like to snuggle his body up next to her much softer one.

She was wearing one of his tshirts.

The toast popped up then and Riley startled a bit, Sam smiling down at her. He said something and she just shook her head. He frowned and she sighed, giving into whatever he'd requested of her. He moved away from her to open the fridge, leaving her completely in view of Dean now. It was obvious that Riley was avoiding Dean's eyes and he brought his elbows up on the table, his right fist moving to his mouth. Dean ran the knuckle of his index finger over his lips in a self soothing sort of way, something he'd always done without thinking.

Sam looked back at him and he barely noticed, focusing his eyes on the table top as he rubbed his lip. He could almost feel his brother frowning and he sighed. "Sam?"

"Yeah?"

"I'll be in my room."

"Just..." The younger man exhaled through his nose, closing his eyes for a couple seconds. "The coffee's ready." The sound of the cabinet opening and closing stopped Dean and a few seconds later, a steaming mug was placed in front of him. Dean looked up at Sam and the younger man forced a small smile. The air in the kitchen was so thick with emotion, Dean could barely stand it.

"I was wondering where you went." Castiel popped in then, surprised to see the trio all in one room. "Riley?"

"Cas, why don't you take a little break?" Sam spoke softly and the angel nodded in agreement before he vanished. Hazel moved to green before Sam looked at Riley, who was still standing on the other side of the kitchen. "Guys... I know this is bad, but can we at least talk?" Riley's deep sigh made him briefly wonder if Castiel had heard it.

"No." She managed before she crossed the kitchen and walked out, feeling her anxiety taking up residence in her chest. The two men shared a concerned look before they followed her. Her door slammed closed down the hall, echoing in the bunker. Dean stopped about ten feet from her doorway, his own insecurities being exaggerated by the Mark still on his arm. He saw Sam's hand move to the doorknob and he leaned his forehead against the door. His eyes closed when the sounds of her soft sobs reached both their ears.

"Riley? Can I come in?" There was no answer and he turned the knob slowly, pushing open her door. She was sitting there on the edge of her bed, her eyes closed. "Listen, you and Dean need to talk, here." Panic was making her chest feel tight and it was already nearing the point where she felt like she was going to burst. She didn't protest, so Sam looked to Dean and her eyes opened when she heard his slow, careful footsteps approach her bedroom door. Dean looked to Sam and the younger man nodded before he stepped inside her bedroom.

"Riley?" His soft, sweet voice he always used when they were alone was something she'd never thought she'd experience again. Riley's left knee started bouncing up and down nervously and Dean looked to Sam. Sam only crossed his arms over his chest and leaned a shoulder against the doorway, quietly stating to Dean that he wasn't going to leave Riley's room. "Cas showed me what happened during the time... I took you."

Riley's eyes opened and she dared not meet his gaze. Dean nodded silently, trying to organize his jumbled thoughts and emotions. "I can't even begin to imagine how..." His voice dropped and he sank to his knees in front of the brunette, his hands on the bed on either side of her hips. Sam watched the scene before him with some level of shock. "I am so sorry, Ry." Her dark brown eyes dared a look at the emerald orbs trained on her face. Her breathing was getting more labored and erratic and Sam spoke up.

"Dean?"

"Riley?" The brunette felt her chest tighten, trying to take deep breaths. She was trembling so badly her teeth were practically chattering now. Sam felt panic in his own chest.

"Sam, get her medicine in the cabinet in the bathroom." Dean shifted his weight on his knees in front of her. "She's having a panic attack." His warm hands found her cold, clammy ones. "Riley Ann, look at me sweetheart." Her tear filled eyes finally met his green orbs again. "Slow down. Deep breaths for me." She tried to do as he asked. Sam came back in then with a few pill bottles with her name and Dean quickly picked out what she needed. "Under your tongue, sweetheart," His gentle tone was ever present. Her lips parted and his calloused fingers placed the pill under her tongue where it would melt fast and absorb even faster. "Look at me." Dean spoke again and she nodded, her eyes wide. "Easy now." His calloused thumbs were smoothing over her knuckles as he held her hands, Sam's eyes on them. Dean leaned forward and brushed a kiss to her forehead. He hated that she was feeling like this and he felt helpless and guilty.

This was all his fault. All of it.

The brunette's eyes closed at the contact. This incredibly tender, private moment made Sam's heart soften some. He shifted uncomfortably, feeling almost guilty experiencing the scene in front of him, but he'd silently promised Riley he would stay when Dean spoke with her. Should've been just been between Dean and Riley, he thought sadly.

His hazel eyes studied the pair in front of him, knowing that this wasn't Dean's first go around with Riley with a panic attack; he'd recognized the signs and given her medicine right away, staying with her, grounding her when she needed it most. Riley closed her eyes, trying not to let the panic that was building inside take over her. Sam stayed where he was by the door and let Dean take care of the brunette. She had been in shock when Sam had gotten to the hotel, over the blood loss and the assault.

Dean was still kneeling in front of her, her hands holding his, her eyes closed. His thumbs were smoothing over her knuckles soothingly. "That's my girl. Just slow, deep breaths." He breathed, Sam fading from his thoughts and into the background. Sam saw Dean let go of her hand and reach out to Riley. He smoothed her wavy brown hair back from the left side of her face and she visibly flinched at the contact. "It's okay."

"I can't." She whispered.

"I'm right here." He took her hand again and she relaxed. "I am so sorry Ry," Dean whispered. "I thought the worst thing that ever happened to me was getting this damn mark." That made her eyes open again as her breathing slowed. "Me hurting you... was so much worse." Her brown eyes met his again as he continued. "I know... I don't deserve it, but I promise you," He was still on his knees in front of the terrified brunette. "I will spend the rest of my life earning your forgiveness and your trust."

A fresh batch of silent tears spilled from her dark eyes and he could feel her trembling. Her hands were gripping his still and he sighed. "Look, I'm gonna go for now. Sammy's here. I'll be in my room if you... need me." Dean let go of her hands and rose to his feet before walking out of the room, leaving Riley with Sam.

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Hello beautiful readers!

Happy Thursday! Shout outs to ButterflyAlley, EmilyAnnMcGarrett-Winchester, SaphyraBlu13 and jennhopp12 for leaving reviews on 26! Y'all rock!

You didn't think Riley was just gonna greet Dean with open arms, did ya?

Reviews are my motivation!

CitrineMama