"I need you to tell me what to do here." Dean was on his knees at his bedside, his muscled shoulders slumped defeatedly and his forearms on his comforter. "Bobby, I fucked things up so bad. We were supposed to take care of her. She trusted us and I let her down."

There was only silence that greeted him. He felt another hot, angry tear roll down his face. "I am so sorry Bobby. Please... please tell me how to make this okay." There was still no reply, not that he really expected one. Dean reached out to his right and pulled open his nightstand drawer.

He unfolded his letter and began right where he'd left off nearly four months ago.

You boys have always made me so proud. There's nothin' that could ever make me feel otherwise. We all make mistakes and if somethin' can't be fixed with a bottle of blue and a long talk, well son, then you have yourself a real problem. Don't beat yourself up over the crap this life hands you. You will always have that brother of yours, Castiel and me. And Riley. She's as loyal as they come. Remember that when times are real bad. When life hands you lemons, don't make some sissy lemonade... make a whiskey sour.

Dean smirked a bit, folding the letter in half and wiping his eyes with the heel of his hand. "It's like you knew something like this would happen, Bobby."

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Riley closed her bedroom door behind Sam and sighed against it. It was nearing 6pm, but she was so disoriented with the erratic sleeping schedule she'd kept for the last four months. And after Dean kidnapped her from the bunker, well that certainly hadn't done her any favors.

She sighed softly. Dean was cured now, but Riley couldn't quite bring herself to even look him in the eyes. She was terrified of seeing her favorite shade of green disappear into that endless darkness again.

Dean.

God, his voice sounded so heartbroken when he'd spoken to her during her panic attack. Just like he always had. She felt angry and embarrassed that Sam had also witnessed her lose control like that. Not that he would ever judge her for it, she knew that much. It was just like admitting defeat or something, like Riley couldn't even handle shit life threw at her without self harming or panicking.

Riley always felt guilty when she admitted to what she considered to be emotional shortcomings to anyone. Like she was dumping her emotional instability on someone else if she dared to open up and share. She'd had a boyfriend briefly during the first year of college back in Decorah, Iowa. Riley had admitted to him she had anxiety and he'd just rolled his eyes and responded in that presumptive way most people did.

Just get over it. Shit happens... don't you think other people have it worse than you? Don't be such a drama queen.

And that was it for her. Riley deleted his number and refused his calls, avoiding any spots on campus where she'd potentially run into Ryan and that was it. She swore to never ever tell anyone about that part of her again.

But then there was Dean; he just seemed to drag her real feelings out of her without even trying. He always listened without stopping her and just let her cry. He actually wanted to be there for her, as long as she would allow him to be.

The brunette crawled into her bed and sighed tearfully. Oh, how she wanted to just walk down the hall to Dean's bedroom and crawl into his warm bed and into his arms. Just tell him to shut up and roll with it, that she didn't want to talk about what happened during the last twenty four hours or even the last four months without him.

She rolled over on her left side and her gaze moved down to the nightstand at her bedside. The items for the spell she'd researched were still in there and for the first time in a long time, she felt a small glimmer of hope.

Maybe there was still a chance to make this okay.

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Dean was laying on his stomach, facing his headboard. He swore he could smell her scent on his pillow, something vanilla, he thought. He suddenly noticed a lamp on his dresser, one that had never been there before. His old brass one had been removed and he frowned. It was cylindrical and almost looked like an off white candle with a hammered copper base. Dean saw a square of paper underneath and tilted it to the side to retrieve it.

Friendship lamp- This lamp has been synced to its twin and when you touch it, its twin will glow, no matter how far apart you and your friend may be.

Dean's brow wrinkled and he flipped the white paper over to find something scrawled in black pen.

This was supposed to be for your birthday. Hope you will enjoy it someday. Love, Ry

There was a heart scrawled at the bottom in black pen underneath her handwriting. He squeezed his eyes shut, feeling the sting of tears. Riley had held onto a shred of hope that Sam would be able to save him. Dean gathered himself emotionally before exhaling and focusing his gaze on the lamp. He touched the metal part and the lamp turned on, emitting a soft glow.

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Down the hallway, Riley was still staring at the bottom drawer in her nightstand when her friendship lamp suddenly turned on. Had Dean found her note? With a shaking hand, she reached out and tapped it back off. Riley held her breath and her index finger tapped the edge again, turning it on.

The lamp turned back off for a few seconds before it clicked on again. Riley watched as a rhythm was tapped out on the lamp. She stared, unblinking, until the lamp went out again. "Dean?" Her whisper was soft and the rhythm started again. She started to cry softly and every fiber in her being screamed at her to run down the hall to his room. Her silent tears turned into a snicker as she finally recognized the beat that was flashing her lamp on and off.

Riley found herself outside of Dean's bedroom door without even realizing how she was actually got there. Before she lost her nerve, her hand reached out to turn the knob. There was no reply from inside and she dared a peek in. Dean was sitting on the side of his bed and his shocked gaze raised to hers. Riley averted her eyes and crossed the room silently to sit on the other side of his bed, their backs to one another. "I don't know why I came in here." Her voice was shaking. She felt him shift behind her and he sighed.

"I'm glad you did."

Riley took a deep breath. "I can't even look you in the eye right now... I'm so afraid of seeing..." He winced.

"You must hate me." Dean whispered, his back to her.

Riley felt the sting of tears. "I could never hate you."

He shook his head, even though she couldn't see him. "I would, if I were you."

"Well you're not me."

"I hated seeing that sadistic bastard making your eyes go black." Riley whispered. "It was like he knew that would kill me." Pause. "All's I wanted to see was my favorite shade of green." Dean's eyes closed painfully. "And I just kept thinking about that last night when you came in my room. I just kept... holding onto that."

That tore at Dean's heartstrings. "Why did you lock your door that night?"

"Don't do this." She suddenly remembered him asking that very same question a few short months ago.

"Tell me."

Riley swallowed hard behind him. "I was scared."

His eyes were still closed and his tone was flat. "Of me."

"Of the evil that damn mark had the potential to cause." She turned a bit, still not quite looking at the hard lines of the undoubtedly tense muscles in his back. "I meant what I told you that night." His mind raced, trying to remember their late night emotional conversation four months prior. "Dean, I trusted you."

"But not anymore." Dean's disappointment was a crushing weight on his chest.

Riley turned even more, her eyes suddenly starving to have him in her view again. "I still trust you." Her reply was soft.

Dean turned around and she had shifted a bit more. "Ry, I kept you at an arm's length because I didn't want you to get hurt." He swallowed the lump in his throat. "I care about you, Riley, and no damn mark on my arm will ever change that." Dean heard her breath catch and he shifted on his bed to look at her face. Her arms were around herself and she looked terrified. "I just want things..."

"To go back to the way they were?" Riley supplied softly and he smiled the tiniest bit. Dean didn't answer her and she waited for his reply. When it didn't come, her brown eyes met his clear green ones for the first time. He drank in the sight of her, one of the only people on this earth outside of his brother and Bobby, who never lost faith in him, even when he'd come up empty.

"Guess that ship's sailed, hm?" A small wave of defeat swept over Dean and he smiled sadly.

Riley's eyes moved from his to the bedspread and she relaxed a bit, her hands moving to her lap. "It's never to late to fix things, Dean." She felt him exhale. "You found your lamp?"

"I love it so much." Dean admitted softly and that made her smile a little.

"Smoke on the water?"

"I knew you'd recognize that." They were quiet again. "Riley, I'm so sorry-,"

"You already said that." Pause. "I forgive you, Dean."

His thumb was absently rubbing the mark on his forearm. "I gotta get this damn thing off my arm..."

"I know..." Her tone was wistful and their eyes met again. Riley moved to stand in front of where he was sitting and wrapped her arms around his neck. Dean hugged her torso to him, pulling her in to stand between his knees. "We'll figure it out." Her whisper fell on his ears and he nodded, breathing her in as deeply as he could.

He was finally home.

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A/N:

Forgiveness is something I struggle with in my own life, especially towards my own family. It's almost foreign to me to even write about it.

Starlily16, unsigned Guest, SaphyraBlu13 and EmilyAnnMcGarrett-Winchester- Thank you all so much for your reviews on Chapter 27! You make my day when I read those. You motivate me to keep writing and creating.

Thanks to all who added me to their follows and favs!

CitrineMama

P.S. Don't worry guys... this ain't over yet... *rubs hands together with an evil glint in my eyes*