Chapter 09 - What does a blue spiky shell thing do?

Anna regretted her whole life. Every single decision leading up this morning was a mistake. The biggest mistake of them all was thinking alcohol would ease her heart. It hadn't. If anything it had made matters one hundred times worse.

Now Anna was stuck with more problems. The main one being her almost-kiss with Hans. Just what were they to each other? Just what was she to Elsa?

If the hangover hadn't already made her head feel like it had gone through a blender then thinking about her love triangle would. It's a love triangle now? She mocked herself. She was being dramatic. She hadn't even kissed Hans. She had only thought about kissing him. And she had the excuse of being completely wasted. Hell, she hadn't even kissed Elsa in four years.

What am I even thinking?

She rolled out of the bed, her legs giving way under her weight. She landed against the hard flooring, narrowly saving her face from a broken nose. Groaning, she crawled out of the bedroom and into the bathroom. She needed a cold shower. And to possibly throw up. Again.

Anna walked back into the living space an hour later. The shower had refreshed her and brought her back from the death that was her hangover.

She hadn't stopped arguing with herself over, well, everything but she had finally reached the conclusion she needed to stop these 'dates' with Hans. As much as she enjoyed them the signals just felt wrong. To illustrate this point to herself she'd been trying to imagine him naked. It was doing nothing for her sex drive. When her thoughts drifted to a certain blonde's tongue however... She couldn't deny it. She was living the revival of a four year long rebound. It wasn't fair on her to lead him on or for him to expect anything from her. He was still a pretty awesome guy though. She really hoped he'd understand.

Her thoughts drifted on to Olaf's warnings the night before. Her instinct told her to trust the messy haired boy. But she just couldn't match up his words to what she had seen of Hans. Elsa wasn't that fond of him either -

"- Wait, where is Elsa?" Anna frowned as she looked around the apartment. She'd been so caught up in her own thoughts she had barely realised she was completely alone.

Walking over to the kitchen she picked up a note held in place by a snow globe.

"Wait, this snow globe..."

Anna shook it. Her eyes widened in both wonder and disbelief as she watched the snow settle over a miniature castle.

"I gave her this," she breathed.

Anna had, had an amazing time on her school trip to the North Mountain ski resort. The northern lights illuminated the winter sky. Snow blanketed the endless horizon, reflecting the vibrant scene above. It was the most perfect and beautiful place on the planet.

...And she had come here without Elsa.

Despite begging her friend to join her on this trip she had adamantly refused. After weeks of poking the subject she eventually learnt that Elsa's parents wouldn't allow her to attend. It all seemed crazy considering it was her father who funded the trip for the school. He owned the resort and generously once a year the schools and academies he sponsored got a free pass to use it.

What's the point in having all that money if you don't let your own daughter go? Anna sighed inwardly as she headed down to the spot she meet Elsa after school on Thursdays.

She nervously played with the wrapped gift in her hands. The more she analysed the present the more stupid it seemed. As if Elsa would want a crappy gift from one of her father's ski resorts. As if the girl would want to be reminded that she didn't go on the trip.

Just as Anna was about to dump the present in the bin, cold hands plucked it from her fingers. Anna jumped.

"A gift?" Elsa asked, holding it up. "Why were you throwing it away?"

"E - erm, it seemed like a good idea at the time but -" She stopped, wincing as Elsa read the tag. She regretted writing the damn thing. She regretted the whole situation. Why are you such a fool Anna?

To Batman.

Next time we'll go together.

From Anna.

Elsa caught Anna's eye and all humour faded away. "Batman?" She raised an eyebrow.

Anna bit her lip nervously. Why, oh why did you write that? It was too late to turn back now. "Well... You were pretty much a superhero when you saved me. Plus you have a ton of money and can punch like a pro. So you're basically Batman. Plus you already have that t-shirt," Anna paused to breathe. She bravely looked up to face Elsa. She was standing suitably confused. Of course she has no idea how to react. How does anyone know what to say to that?

Elsa opened the present without words. Anna stood stiffly as she watched as she uncovered the small snow globe, eyes widening like saucers.

"...It's so pretty," Elsa murmured, lost within the swirling vortex of snow.

"You actually like it? I mean – ahem - yes, you like it. I really wanted to get you a present. Sorry it's not much. It was a great place. Maybe next time we'll go together."

Anna waited awkwardly as Elsa continued to shake the snow globe in awe. Has she really never had one of these before? I thought everyone had one.

"I'd like that," Elsa said with a sincere smile, tearing her blue eyes away from the globe to face her directly. "Thank you, Anna."

She couldn't work out why Elsa would have kept it. Why out of everything she could have packed in her bag to run away with did she think this small ski resort souvenir was worth it?

Anna pulled out her phone and looked over the scratched and battered thing with nostalgia.

"Is it for the same reason I still have this?" She murmured aloud. She had never changed phones after Elsa bought her a top of the range on many years ago. It had been so new and expensive it wasn't even completely out of date 5 years later. Aside from needing a new battery it had worked like a dream. But Anna would use it until it broke either way. And even after that she'd still keep it.

She shook her head to clear her mind of thoughts of Elsa. She was too contradicting to make sense of.

Her eyes glanced over the note.

Gone to work.

Help yourself to doughnuts.

Tonight is pizza and games night at Olaf's.

I'll pick you up at 5.

Elsa

Anna was about to question where the doughnuts were when her eyes trailed up the kitchen counter. Her stomach rumbled. She almost leapt across the work surface as she scrambled to them. She pulled out three doughnuts topped with sprinkles. They were even from her favourite cafe.

Anna slumped down on the sofa with the snow globe and doughnuts in hand. She pulled the blanket over herself and snuggled into it. It smelt like winter. Like Elsa.

Elsa had remembered so much. There was no way she'd have been so attentive if she didn't care.

"Maybe I'm getting through too her," she murmured with a smile.

Elsa regretted leaving the snow globe. It sent signals she was trying to avoid. So why in the hell did her sleep deprived, hazy morning brain think it was a good idea?

And you got her, her favourite doughnuts. Elsa spent the majority of the day berating herself over it.

Maybe they aren't her favourite anymore. You haven't seen her in four years. Everything could have changed. She knew it wasn't true. From the first night she saw Anna again she knew nothing had changed. Time had stood still for them both and Elsa was left with the crushing feeling of having let her down. Again.

Games night tonight would be tough.

"You invited Anna, right?" Olaf called from the other side of the desk.

"Of course I did," Elsa sighed in reply as she gazed at her blank screen. She couldn't concentrate enough to work. Why had she even bothered coming in today? They needed to sign off some musical scores in person. That was why. Olaf could have handled it. Elsa shook her head at herself. She couldn't just drop everything and expect Olaf to run their work when things got a bit bumpy. No, she had responsibilities now and she was damn well going to make sure she didn't let her personal life mess this up. Working at home would have been even worse. Like I could concentrate with Anna there. She'd be pestering me like a child. It took Elsa a good minute to realise she would have enjoyed that, even if she'd have never admitted it out loud.

"Good. Maybe someone will finally be able to beat you at Mario Kart," Olaf said with a wicked smile as he tapped away at his keyboard.

"If Anna beats me at Mario Kart I'll -" Elsa paused as she tried to think of a good enough dare, "- build a real living snowman and name it Olaf."

"Wow, can you really do that?" Olaf leaned right over the desk between the PCs, knocking several things to the floor as he did. It was supposed to be a joke but he was taking it so seriously.

"I don't know? No?" She face-palmed. Fortunately they were the only ones in the office at that moment so no one saw when she threw her stapler at him. It missed and rebounded off the wall.

"Aw man, that'd have been awesome," He sat back with a large grin. As irritating as it was, it was infectious. Elsa relaxed into her chair.

Just take it one day at a time. Stop over thinking everything.

"What does a blue spiky shell thing do?" Anna asked as she threw her kart into a wall as she skidded around a corner. She couldn't get used to the controls. It seemed so easy on the surface but everything was exploding around her. She was getting hit by everyone and everything.

"It does nothing! Don't use it!" Elsa yelled back desperately. Too desperately.

"Use it Anna! Nuke her!" Olaf called over to her. The group of them were leaning closer and closer to the TV as they progressed through the race.

"Quiet you! I swear I will get you with my bananas if you -"

Anna hit the item button cutting off all conversation. Judging by the reaction she felt as if she'd just pressed some big 'do not touch' nuclear missile button.

"Anna you didn't..." Elsa breathed in betrayal.

"Yes!" Olaf cheered as they all watched in slow motion as Elsa's kart exploded. He raced past her, taking first place. Elsa held on fast but the timing was too critical. She finished in second. "The Queen is dethroned!" Olaf raised his controller in victory. Elsa had her head in her hands.

"How could this happen?" She said in disbelief. Her winning streak had ended, and betrayed by Anna no less.

Olaf reached over Elsa to give Anna a fist-bump. "Nice work buddy."

"This means war. You won the race but not the cup. And you -" Elsa wagged her finger at Anna. "I'm not going easy on you. You will eat my dust, Princess Peach!"

Anna couldn't suppress the giggle escaping her throat. She'd seen Elsa serious before but this was on a whole new level. Her friend was caught in the moment and was so free from everything that seemed to hold her back in her day to day life. It was refreshing.

"How about when I get it next time you hit the brakes and it'll hit Olaf instead," Anna suggested, which she felt was pretty clever for her. She could see the cogs turning in Elsa's mind. Her eyes lit up with calculated intrigue.

"That's cheating -"

"- It's called forming an alliance," Elsa cut Olaf off as she hit the next race button.

"Anna I thought we were friends!"

Anna smirked and mouthed him an 'I'm sorry' from across the couch.

Following their intense showdown at Mario Kart, which Elsa won, Anna cracked open a bottle of cider and slumped back down on the sofa beside her. She'd already gone through a few bottles and that buzz of inhibition made her feel like she was on cloud nine. It was however setting off some additional emotions that she didn't want to be feeling. Alcohol had always freed her. That shot of Dutch courage was exactly what it was; all of the confidence and bravery she never had while sober. Emotions and feelings felt so much more vibrant. It was primarily the reason why every time she had been out clubbing, whether it was at home or on campus she had been bold enough to pick up other girls. None of them were Elsa though. And now sitting here beside her all she could think about were far more intimate things. She was both grateful and disappointed Olaf was present. If he wasn't here she'd had liked nothing more than to pin Elsa to the couch and have her way with her. But Elsa would no doubt have objected anyway and with Olaf here she had no opportunity to experience either of those outcomes.

Olaf caught Anna's eye. "I'm going to pick up the pizza order." It was as if he read her mind. Anna sat up straighter.

"What? Why? They will deliver," Elsa said, completely oblivious to Anna's intentions.

"Yeah but we get 20% off if we collect. I'll be back in half an hour." It wasn't up for debate.

"We could have afforded it," Elsa sighed as Olaf headed out the door.

An awkward silence descended upon the pair. Anna wanted to speak but it was hard to find the right words. She had never needed words when on nights out. Dancing to deafeningly loud music was all that had ever been required.

"Can I get you a drink?" She finally settled with.

"I don't drink," Elsa replied, turning her full attention to Anna. There was judgement in those blue eyes and Anna shrunk back. "This is your third night drinking. Do you drink this much at home?"

This wasn't how the conversation was supposed to go. Anna winced.

"It really depends whether I have 9am lectures," She replied without thinking. The correct answer was no, doofus. She berated herself. Elsa's expression didn't change and those eyes gazed into her soul. She was certain Elsa could read her mind; her every intention.

Elsa was lost in Anna's dim eyes. Anna wasn't exactly an expert at hiding her feelings and with just a few drinks the alcohol had amplified everything. Olaf had seen it too and left on purpose, of that she had no doubt.

I'm not doing this in his apartment. The ding from her phone made her finally pull her eyes away from Anna. She glanced down at the message from Olaf.

Go for it! X

Gods. He really was trying to set them up. She could have frozen him solid for pulling this little stunt. So much for her temporary alliance with Anna in Mario Kart. Those two had been in it together from the start.

She looked back up at Anna. Had she gotten closer? Just what is she thinking? What am I thinking? Elsa tore herself away again and tried to slow her racing thoughts. Having her so close and so willing was too much for her. Would drinking solve this? But instantly she shook her head. No, I need a straight mind. If I lose control...

"Elsa," Anna purred from beside her. She was definitely getting closer. And the way she was saying her name so longingly. A shiver of need rushed through her. If I give in just for a moment... Is that even fair?

"Anna," Elsa said patiently, taking her hand in her own in an attempt to placate her. If anything it was just firing them both up even more. "You've been drinking. I don't want you to make these decisions without a clear head."

"These decisions are supposed to be made quickly and without thought. We will have all the time in the morning to think about it. Just enjoy the moment," Anna murmured, leaning in as she did. Making a split second decision which she knew she'd regret, Elsa caught Anna's face in her hands before she could claim a kiss. Gods, did she just want to sit back and submit to Anna. Every outcome from this was a loaded gun. She'd lose no matter what she did. So why not just enjoy it? She couldn't.

"Anna," she began patiently, trying to work out how she could possibly fix this.

"You loved me once. Can't we just pretend?" The emotion in Anna's voice sent another fracture through Elsa's fragile heart.

How could she turn around and give her all of the assurance and hope she wished for when it would only hurt more later? She couldn't. She wouldn't.

"What did I do to make you hate me?" Anna asked, unshed tears shining in those eyes.

"I don't hate you. I just..." Elsa didn't know what to say. She desperately wanted to get the words out that would ease her conscience but she wasn't brave enough. It's the opposite. I care about you too much. That's why this is so hard. If you knew what I was...

Anna withdrew back and took another swig of her cider.

"...I just need time to sort my head out."

"You've had four years," the bitterness in her voice made Elsa shudder.

She closed her eyes tight as she drowned in her own fierce internal debate. Just tell her, Elsa. Just do it.

She snapped up as she heard the door go. For a split second she assumed Olaf was back early. Realisation hit her like a punch in the face. That stupid girl. Elsa was on her feet already chasing Anna out the door. She grabbed her arm in the hall.

"Where are you going?"

"So you are allowed to run away and I'm not?" Anna cocked an eyebrow.

I really asked for that. Elsa gritted her teeth, not able to argue it. "I'm worried about you," she hoped she was saying it in a way that conveyed just how true the statement was. The disappointment in Anna's face told her she hadn't succeeded.

"I can't do this, Elsa! I can't keep being shut out. I want to stick it out, I really do..." Anna hesitated, looking down at where Elsa was still holding her arm. "But you need to give me something back here. You are sending me so many mixed signals. Do you care or don't you?"

With a heavy heart Elsa released her grip on Anna's arm. Anna was right; she was sending too many mixed signals.

Tell her.

Anna flinched from the loss of contact. As if that answered her question, she sharply turned on her heel and walked away.

Say it. Tell her.

No words could escape Elsa's lips. She hung her head in regret and shame as she watched Anna leave.

Is this how she felt when I left?