Chapter 13 – She loves a monster like you

Pretending everything was okay was a bittersweet sensation for Elsa. She was almost bursting with regret and shame for leading Anna on like this, but she treasured that experience camping as much as Elsa had. Reliving it was both reckless and thrilling.

Behaving much like they did as teenagers, the girls crept through the halls of the Westergard's manor on the hunt for a suitable room. This, of course, had been Anna's idea. When Elsa had suggested they treat tonight like that night, she had meant in theory: being free with each other and enjoying their time without thinking about the outside world, or in Elsa's specific case: her power. Anna however had taken it completely literally. Not that Elsa had needed much convincing.

If the location had been down to Elsa they'd have been in the gardens lying in the snow. She was sure she could have kept Anna warm enough but she couldn't exactly explain how that would have worked to her.

Anna... lying naked in the snow. Elsa's imagination was running wild with that thought. Her body shuddered in pleasure. She needed that to happen.

"In here," Anna took Elsa by her hand and pulled her through a door. She glanced around in approval. It was a bedroom and judging by the neutral colours and lack of photographs it appeared to be a spare room. Thank god. The last place she wanted to end up was in Hans' bedroom.

"So," Elsa began as she closed the door swiftly behind them. Anna already had her arms around Elsa's neck pressing up close. "Have you had anyone else since..." she let the sentence hang. Those bright eyes were inches from her own and just like at Olaf's apartment they were swirling with a dark desire. Elsa shivered with a thrill. This was really happening and against her better judgement she wasn't stopping it.

"Have you read any more books?" Anna countered as she pushed Elsa up against the wall.

"Maybe," the word escaped Elsa's throat in a moan as Anna kissed her neck. It was so unexpected to have her take control but at the same time so welcome.

"Mhmm," Anna purred, breath tentatively tickling Elsa's skin. "I have had some experiences," she husked. "But none of them were you."

A small voice in Elsa's mind wanted to tell her that she didn't deserve her. That Anna would have been better off without her. But she was slowly realising that Anna wanted only her.

She loves a monster like you.

Lips pressed firmly against her own. Elsa melted into the kiss putting up no resistance. Anna could take all she wanted and more. Tonight she would give in to everything.

Anna's fingers found the zip on her dress and within seconds she had it off. She took a good, long minute to admire Elsa's figure. She hadn't worn a bra under the dress. The fitted bodice hadn't required it.

Elsa couldn't suppress the blush building under Anna's hungry eyes. Last time she was the one in control. Any confidence she had in that moment in the past had evaporated. Anna had had other real experiences. Elsa had nothing but books and a vivid imagination. It left her feeling vulnerable.

What if I'm not as good as she remembers?

"Last time I had no idea what I was doing but you were so patient. This time I will spoil you." It was a promise.

Elsa felt her body flush with heat. Anna was already upon her with soft and teasing hands. They trailed everywhere leaving the hairs on Elsa's skin prickling in their wake. Fingers weren't enough. Lips blazed burning marks across her body. She yelped in surprise as Anna gave her a playful bite. Elsa was pinned helplessly to the wall as her lover assaulted her senses. Everything was amplified: nerve endings stood on end during the onslaught. Soft purrs escaped Elsa's throat. Anna descended lower and Elsa gripped her lover's hair in sudden realisation of what was to come.

"Ann - ah -" She gasped as Anna pushed her head between her thighs. Elsa had only realised she had obliged her moments later. Her body arched against the wall, one leg wrapping around Anna's back. She had no idea what she was doing down there but whatever it was it was magic. The woman was hitting every sensitive spot with precision causing waves of pleasure to ripple through her body.

Finger nails dug into Anna's scalp as Elsa's body reached its peak. She relished the feeling as wave upon wave crashed over her. And when it finally died down she was left satisfied but craving more. Having Anna touch her so intimately, with so much care and confidence... Once wasn't enough.

Anna wiped her mouth and grinned the biggest grin Elsa had ever seen. Elsa meanwhile was struggling to keep herself upright.

"Wow, I really hit you hard." The pride was undeniable. But she was right. Elsa hadn't had any other lovers. She had vowed she'd never subject herself to a relationship ever again. And now here she was full of pent up sexual frustration and Anna was ready and willing to relieve every last bit of it. It was like a dream. So it was really no surprise that when the release finally came it was euphoric.

"I'm pretty sure you could do that to me all night and the result wouldn't change," Elsa panted, any doubts she had about doing this completely erased.

Anna's eyes lit up. "Is that a challenge, Miss Arendelle?"

Oh yes please. Elsa longed to voice the words but she couldn't have Anna doing all of the work. Or could I? The idea was very tempting.

"It is most definitely a challenge, Miss Summers, but not one you have the opportunity to prove to me tonight. Another night, maybe," she replied playfully and the way Anna's eyes sparkled at the mention of more of this made her heart both flutter and sink all at once.

If we ever have another chance at this.

The thoughts chilled her but Elsa pushed them aside and focused on the woman before her. For one night she needed to give Anna everything and more.

Elsa stepped forward but as she reached out Anna took a step back, a sly grin playing on her lips. She simply lifted her finger and wagged it in denial.

Anna wanted nothing more than for Elsa to reciprocate what she had just done but she forced her lover to slow down. It was true she had jumped straight into the deep end; she had been craving this for too long to hold back. Now she had gotten over the initial desire she could slow things up and make this more than just a quick thrill. She'd make sure Elsa never forgot about it.

"Sit," Anna's confidence must have caught Elsa off guard because the bemused woman perched at the edge of the bed without a word of protest or inquiry.

Anna bit her lip as she looked Elsa over; her Elsa, waiting so patiently and trustingly. Holding back took all of her self control.

Slowly, Anna let her fingers pull the zip down. She turned, deliberately exposing her freckled back as the scarlet dress dropped to the floor. She hesitated, drawing the moment out. Glancing around, her body roared with heat as she saw Elsa's eyes dilate.

Anna smiled to herself. She spent all of that time pushing me away and yet now I have her like this her desire is undeniable. She felt elated to know for certain Elsa still wanted her.

Anna unclipped her bra and tossed it over to Elsa. She batted it away.

"Do you do a striptease for all of your conquests?" She raised an eyebrow as she pulled one of those guarded faces that Anna knew so well.

Now she's had a few minutes to think about this she's clamming up. I'll have to fix that.

Elsa's eyes still shined in lust, she was unable to hide that much at least.

"Don't pretend you aren't enjoying this," and to prove her point Anna pushed Elsa back onto the bed and drew one hand down her body. The hand slipped between her legs. Elsa let out a gasp but Anna withdrew her wet finger almost immediately. She held it up to examine it.

"Have you been this ready for me since I showed up at your door?" Anna turned back to her. Elsa didn't need to reply. The blush on her cheeks as she glanced away betrayed her guilt. Anna sat back from where she straddled Elsa's lap in thought. It's clear you are attracted to me. Not only that you care too. Why do you hold yourself back? But Anna couldn't voice it aloud. She wouldn't ruin this moment by backing Elsa into a corner.

When Elsa had mentioned treating tonight like that night Anna had known what she had meant. She had never seen her friend so free from her life and expectations except for during that trip. Elsa was still chasing that freedom and Anna was loathed to drag her back to reality. ...And the sex was pretty incredible. Anna could never say no to this.

"...You have no idea what you do to me..." Elsa murmured, cheeks flushed and eyes unable to make contact. Anna wished she could have her like this forever: shy, vulnerable and her's.

Unable to resist, she leaned down and captured those lips. "Oh, I'm learning very quickly." A smile. "Want to know a secret? You do the exact same to me," she whispered ever so quietly into Elsa's ear.

She felt Elsa quiver beneath her.

"Am I allowed to have my wicked way with you yet?" Elsa looked her straight in the eye.

In any other situation Anna would have been jumping at the chance but she held back. Elsa was waiting so patiently and obediently. The power was sending more than just a thrill through Anna.

"Mm, maybe if you ask me nicely," she teased as her finger played with a lock of blonde hair.

"Really?" Elsa asked flatly. Anna waited, not giving in. She had Elsa right where she wanted her and she wasn't going to let go.

Elsa rolled her eyes and huffed. "Please," she began and Anna was already enjoying it far more than she thought possible. She'd had role plays and the like with other lovers but it wasn't the same as having Elsa. Nothing was the same as having Elsa.

"Your Majesty."

"Wait, what -" Elsa was silenced as Anna pressed her finger to her lips. Understanding dawned on her. There was a momentary resistance before she shrugged and gave in.

"Please, Your Majesty."

Elsa felt completely stupid saying the words but there was something about the way Anna was sat on top of her with all of the power which was igniting a fire stronger than she had felt before. Anna was her queen and she wanted nothing more than to worship every inch of her body.

Anna put one hand to her chin as she dramatically pretended to consider it for a while.

Before Anna had the chance to come to any conclusion, Elsa's fingers danced down Anna's side, extracting a soft purr from her lover. She considered flipping Anna over while she was caught off guard but as much as she wanted that she held back. Anna was enjoying this so Elsa would play by her rules and indulge her.

She sat up slowly, shifting Anna back onto her lap. Drawing in close to the redhead's face, their noses brushed as Elsa continued to caress her lover.

Elsa didn't consider herself a good actress, but she put on the most vulnerable and needy face she could pull off. "Please, Your Majesty, let me worship you."

Holy shit. Anna almost fainted. Any heat she felt before this moment had been amplified to a point where she wasn't certain she could keep it together. She looked down at Elsa with that vulnerable look in her eyes. Fuck it. She definitely couldn't keep it together. Any attempt to keep the evening slow and sensual was out the window. Anna needed it now. Right now.

She claimed Elsa's lips with a raw fury, nipping at her lover's tongue as they fought. Rough and carnal, Anna couldn't hold back. They parted breathlessly, and Anna caught a calculating look in Elsa's eye. She hadn't needed to tell Elsa she had won that little game. The woman had known exactly what buttons to press even after all this time.

Just what are you planning?

Elsa shuffled forward and placed her arms securely around Anna. With a heave, Anna clung to her in surprise as she was hoisted up. Elsa took a few strides and placed her gently down on a chair by the dresser across the room.

Still as strong as ever.

Elsa knelt before her, a playful glint in her eye as she did and Anna knew exactly where this was going. She is doing this on purpose. Of this she had no doubt.

"My Queen," Elsa purred. Anna was little more than a puddle melting into the chair. She couldn't wait and Elsa damn well knew it. That devious fox was drawing it out.

"Elsa..." she pleaded. Her lover grinned. With nimble hands she took Anna's foot and planted hot kisses along it. Anna gripped the arms of the chair as Elsa moved up her leg. She was going too slowly.

Gods, why didn't I just let her have me when I had the chance?

Anna didn't resist as Elsa spread her legs.

"Have you been this ready for me since you showed up at my door?" Elsa mimicked. Anna would have rolled her eyes had she been capable. She had been waiting four years to have this again and she had been ready the entire time. But she couldn't exactly voice that to Elsa without dragging them back to their problems. It could wait. Everything could wait.

"You damn well know I have," Anna replied in a strained voice. Every breath from Elsa was like static along her thighs. The woman needed to do something soon otherwise Anna feared she might lose her mind to the desire that was drowning her.

"Then I best make sure I give my Queen all of the attention she deserves," Elsa murmured.

Anna's back arched as she felt Elsa kiss her clit. Fuck. The bolt of pleasure set her body ablaze. She wrapped her legs around Elsa in an attempt to draw her in but she resisted. Every stroke was frustratingly slow and drawn out. Even so, Anna felt the fire pooling. Moans escaped her lips as she held onto the chair. She was getting close. Just a little more... Elsa paused and withdrew. Anna's head snapped down to meet Elsa's wicked eyes.

"Last time I was too busy down here to see you. This time I want to watch," Elsa smirked as she crawled onto Anna's lap. She felt one hand snake around the back of her head and the other... the other crawled down her body to finish the job.

Elsa assaulted Anna all at once and Anna barely had a chance to collect her thoughts before her body exploded in pleasure. Hundreds of tiny fireworks were set off and they kept coming. Back arched and body shaking, she endured wave after wave of ecstasy.

Elsa continued to kiss her as she was brought down from her high. It was everything she had wished it to be and more. No other lover had made her come so hard.

"Fuck, Elsa..." She limply laid back on the chair, chest heaving as she desperately tried to catch her breath. "For a woman who only reads books you're so damn good."

"I'm fairly certain I could do whatever I wanted to you and you'd be a mess," Elsa replied. She remained on Anna's lap, fingers tracing lines between freckles on her chest. She shivered beneath her.

Anna gave her a weak half smile. She was right. Anna had only just realised it but every other scene she could imagine with Elsa was setting off a heady desire. Those possibilities were refuelling the fire within her.

"...Once more?" She murmured.

Elsa leaned forward and gave Anna a light kiss.

"Alright, just once more."

Elsa laid beside Anna on the bed, bodies naked and entwined. Everything she had done to Anna and what Anna had done to her in return flashed before her eyes. Each vivid memory made her want to start all over again. She was rudely brought back to reality when she remembered they weren't at her apartment at home. They were at a formal event.

"We can't stay here," Elsa murmured as her fingers threaded through red locks. Anna met her eye with a sad smile.

"Just another 5 minutes."

"You said that 15 minutes ago," Elsa said knowingly and Anna grinned, not even trying to defend herself.

Elsa gazed at Anna beside her. This evening had been perfect: Anna had been perfect. In her arms she was safe. The fear and doubt couldn't reach her.

I love you. Elsa said silently as she reached over and kissed Anna's forehead. She wished she could say the words aloud. The crushing reality that she couldn't was enough to bring Elsa falling back down from her high.

Tomorrow would be hard. After giving in to this Elsa wasn't sure if she could cope with losing her. She'll understand... won't she? Elsa couldn't think about it any longer. The calm quiet was giving her too much time to stew on her thoughts.

"Let's head home," She said as she got up. Elsa turned back to Anna with a sudden realisation. She had just assumed Anna was coming home with her. The girl walked out on you. Sleeping with her doesn't suddenly make it all okay.

"I'd like that," Anna replied with a warm smile.

...Maybe it does make everything okay.

Dressed, makeup restored and in the car on their way home, Elsa and Anna sat together on the back seat. Elsa caught Olaf's eye in the rear view mirror. He was smirking. She rolled her eyes as Anna snuggled into her shoulder.

"So... you girls had a good night?" He asked innocently.

Elsa would have face-palmed if one arm wasn't already around Anna and the other wasn't being held hostage by the redhead's fingers.

"It was a wonderful night," Anna answered for them both. Elsa flushed. Just the way Anna had said it spoke volumes. "Elsa taught me to dance... and I showed her -"

"- Anna!" Elsa squirmed, thoughts flashing to the bedroom.

"What? I was going to say I showed you I could talk my way out of any problem. Or had you forgotten I saved you from Mr Westergard?" She raised an eyebrow as she sat up. Her smirk said otherwise. "Or did you think I was going to say -"

"- I get it!" Elsa blushed even more deeply.

"You are too cute when you're embarrassed," Anna murmured, pressing her lips against Elsa's collarbone. She was rewarded with a stifled purr.

"And you are unbelievable," Elsa was now dying of embarrassment. She wasn't sure what was worse: Anna's teasing or the glint of amusement in Olaf's eyes. She knew the boy was no doubt smugly thinking about how right he was.

"You girls go ahead and enjoy yourself. I can pop my headphones in. No judgement here," He said cheerily, catching Elsa's eye in the mirror again.

"I swear to god I hate you both!" Elsa tensed up. It was completely undone by a second surprise kiss from Anna.

The car journey was long but it flew by. Being able to just sit beside Anna intimately felt better than anything and she wished it could last forever.

Perhaps I could text Olaf and ask him to take a longer route home... But Elsa sighed inwardly at how stupid it sounded.

They pulled up at her apartment. Elsa squeezed Anna for a moment, not wanting this moment to end. Every minute that passed was a minute closer to tomorrow. You still have a whole night. Elsa rationalised it to herself as she released Anna and exited the car.

"I would walk you up to your room but I think you two'll be just fine on your own," Olaf gave them a wink as he tossed the car keys over to Elsa.

"Don't worry, I'll escort her." Anna's grin was infectious. She looped her arm in Elsa's and pulled her close.

Elsa gave Olaf a grateful nod and he returned it before getting back to his own car. She really owed him for everything this evening. Not just this evening. He's been helping me since I came knocking at his door.

"My feet hurt so much. Why do women wear heels? Actually don't answer that. You look fabulous in them. They are just so uncomfortable. I can't wait to be back in my trainers," Anna complained as they climbed upstairs. Elsa glanced down at Anna's feet. She certainly looked good in them too.

"I am impressed you can even walk in heels. You're surprisingly graceful."

"Surprisingly?" Anna cocked an eyebrow.

"You are literally the clumsiest person I know. How you are upright in them defies all gravity." Elsa smirked.

"I have you know I can be graceful and ladylike when I want," Anna said matter-of-factly.

Elsa snorted as she laughed. "Ladylike? Please."

Anna shoved Elsa in retaliation and Elsa responded by shoving her back. She had to pull Anna back into her arms to catch her from falling over. She wasn't as steady in those shoes as she pretended to be.

Her breath caught as Anna looked up at her, dangerously close. They paused mid-step. Elsa was lost in those teal eyes. Anna reached up and gave her a quick peck on the nose.

"I'll remind you just how ladylike I am later," she promised with a wink.

Elsa sighed with a smile. Could this be every day? She dared to dream.

The pair headed into Elsa's apartment and kicked off their heels. She glanced over the sofa, still covered in blankets. After what they had done at the party it seemed ridiculous for one of them to stay there. Her hand still in Anna's, she pulled her into the bedroom. Anna hadn't needed her to say anything to understand what she intended.

Completely at ease in each other's company, they threw their dresses off and climbed into the bed together. Anna pulled Elsa close and they laid silently in each other's arms for several minutes.

"You know, whatever you are going to tell me tomorrow doesn't matter," Anna assured Elsa while playing with a strand of blonde hair. "Nothing has made me happier than finding out we still have something."

Guilt and shame wrenched Elsa's gut. Anna's face became inquisitive and Elsa knew her love could see right through into her soul.

"But now you've got that distant look again you're making me worried. We can get through anything you know." Anna leaned forward and planted a tender kiss on Elsa's forehead.

Elsa wanted to reply and tell her how wrong she was. She wanted to spill everything right now but facing it now would only break Anna's heart sooner and after this perfect evening she was loathed to do it just yet.

"You have me forever," Anna promised her as she pulled her into an embrace. Elsa relished the closeness and allowed herself to rest her head in the crook of her neck. "You don't need to be afraid."

"When did you become so strong?" Elsa hadn't realised she had said it out loud until she felt Anna flinch. The regret was instant.

"I spent a lot of time thinking about what you said that night. When you said you were never confident. I was more shocked at myself for not noticing it sooner. You saved me at school so many times. You were so brave but I see it in you now, even when you're trying to be strong: that fear you carry with you. You've had it since we met, that much I am certain. Even after all of these years of... whatever we are, you still haven't been able to burden me with it. I want you to know I'm ready and willing to help you. I'm strong enough to handle it. I've grown up so much in four years. I'm not the same kid you knew. I'm older and braver. I will be here when you're ready to talk." A pause. "...I do really wish you'd open up to me. Do you talk to anyone? Olaf?"

Elsa winced. She wished they could have just had a nice night in bed lying in each other's arms but she had made the mistake of asking Anna a question and received an essay in reply. So she was unsurprised when Anna turned this into something more akin to her therapy sessions. If I don't give in to my fractured heart tonight it'll be a miracle.

"...I spoke to Olaf a lot when I moved here," She paused to gauge Anna's reaction. The flash of jealousy surprised her. She felt that Anna wanted to ask the big question that had settled silently between them. The elephant in the room, so to speak. But she didn't.

Does Olaf know everything? Yes. Are you going to tell her that? Definitely not if I can help it. The only way to deflect any questions would be to keep talking. And the only thing she could possibly think to say which didn't involve word vomiting her biggest secret all over Anna was to tell her about therapy. It was another secret she had intended to keep to herself. Not because she was ashamed she attended it but because no one needed to know. It was personal and private. But Anna needed something from her and out of her dull and uninspiring four years this was the only thing she could think of.

"I decided pretty quickly that burdening him with all of my shit wasn't fair. He'd already let me crash at his place. I wasn't in a good place mentally," she hesitated. The only reason it hurt so much to admit that was because she knew Anna was lying opposite her no doubt questioning why Elsa had chosen a complete stranger to help her through her problems and not her lover. "So, against all of my rebellious principles I signed up to therapy."

"You... have a therapist?" Anna blinked in surprise.

"Yeah. I have done for a while. It took some time to find the right person. I didn't gel with most of the ones I tried but this one woman seems to get me. When I think about how much progress I make per session then it doesn't feel like anything. But when I look back at how I was when I first started I realise I've come a long way."

Anna should have been ecstatic her best friend was finally talking to her. And a large, selfless part of her was. But she couldn't suppress the small, selfish part that was swelling up within her. Everything Elsa had said boiled down to one thing. She had had these open conversations with other people first. And she was acting positive like talking had the potential to solve everything.

If only she had sat down with me instead of shutting me out. It was beyond frustrating. She had to rationalise it in her mind. Elsa was talking to her now. Not only that she'd done more than just talk at the party. Anna shivered at the memory.

"I talk to her once a week on Thursdays via webcam. I'm still no good at face to face stuff. It makes me feel like I'm in the headmaster's office at school."

Anna was torn from her internal debate at the mention of Thursday. "Wait. Last Thursday the reason you were busy was -"

"Yes. I had a session."

"Why didn't you tell me? I thought you were avoiding me." Anna slapped her head. "I would have been here for you." Instead I was out drunk with Hans.

"I'm not ready for you to meet my therapist. Maybe one day..." Her voice trailed off and Anna sat up to look at her properly. Whatever she was hiding it weighed heavy. Anna looked into those blue eyes and resolved not to screw it up this time. It wouldn't be like last time where she was so caught up in herself that she ignored Elsa's suffering. She wouldn't push for answers. She would be patient and supportive. She would never let her run away again.

"I can wait," Anna promised. She leaned forward and gave her lover a gentle kiss. "So take your time."