Chapter 14 – Her world fell apart

Elsa sat around the campfire with the Summers family eating from a mess tin. She had been impressed with just how resourceful Anna's parents had been. They knew how to forage and hunt so the majority of the campfire dinners were a random mix of whatever they had picked up during the day, and gods was it delicious. Elsa was used to having top quality food regularly, being able to afford a dedicated chef helped a lot with that but something was warmer and fresher about the Summers' cooking.

She glanced at Anna, their eyes meeting with knowing smiles and shy blushes for the hundredth time. She flushed with heat just at the thought of what they did. Both of them were still buzzing but now they were fading back into real life Elsa wasn't sure how to handle the new relationship. She knew she wanted Anna, that was clear as day. But Anna was only 15. Elsa almost face-palmed as she realised what she had just done with her best friend was illegal by law.

I'm such an idiot. Elsa was inhaling sharply now. She closed her eyes and took deep and deliberate breaths. She couldn't get brave or reckless now. She needed to keep her emotions firmly in check before she did something stupid like cause a storm.

That wasn't the only thing on her mind either. She'd known for a while now that she wasn't interested in boys but the thought of having to explain that to her parents filled her with dread. Being kept away from potential suitors was quite possibly the only positive thing that had come from her having powers.

How will I ever tell them? Would they even allow me to court an underage girl with no wealth or standing? Just thinking it made her realise just how stupid it sounded. They'd never allow it.

Could we just hide it all? Elsa wondered, catching Anna's eye again. It wouldn't be fair on her... but what if it was the only way?

Anna watched Elsa through the flickering fire with dampened excitement. She had never believed Elsa would be so... bold. And not to mention loving. Anna shuddered again at how gentle Elsa was just an hour earlier.

She treated me like glass. The memory made her smile. And she likes me as much as I do her. Anna's smile fell as she glanced again at Elsa. She knew in that moment that whatever was to become of them, the journey wouldn't be as easy as their fumble in the woods. They were both so sure earlier.

Elsa was so sure. Anna knew Elsa well enough to know what she was thinking. The woman had always had a strong and guarded wall in place but Anna had slipped through enough times to see the lonely girl on the other side. Elsa had even admitted as much.

I need to be the strong one. She concluded, knowing Elsa would crush herself from the responsibilities that would come from their relationship. The conflict of emotions was as clear to her as a reflection in the mirror. She had so many more expectations from her parents. Not only that but she was also two years older. Not that age mattered to Anna. Now Elsa had let her in they could face anything together.

Everything will be okay, Elsa. I'll take care of you.

The sunlight streamed in through the open curtains. Elsa had never been one to sleep in and the moment the light touched her skin she was wide awake. She stretched under the covers as her hazy mind flicked through the early morning thoughts. She had never felt so relaxed. An arm reached around her. A messy plume of red hair snuggled into her side. Elsa's fingers weaved through the curls. Anna was beside her. Anna was beside her. Elsa's eyes bolted open as the events of the previous night crashed upon her. Her head and heart raced. And then she smiled the largest smile she had ever smiled. Anna had been nothing short of a goddess. Even if today would be the worst day of their lives Elsa vowed to treasure the memory of last night.

With smooth and silent motions, Elsa moved Anna's arm and slipped out of bed. She spent the morning showering and cooking up a feast for breakfast. Apprehension of what would become of them after her confession tugged at her but every time she felt overwhelmed she thought of Anna's words, no - her actions from last night. There was no doubt Anna would be shocked by Elsa's power but she'd understand that everything was an accident. She had to.

...But if she doesn't... The thought of losing Anna was like a knife through her heart. She couldn't let herself think of that outcome.

Burying her head in the sand and focusing on what was going right in her life, she cooked up a mountain of pancakes with a contented sigh.

Her phone buzzed on the kitchen counter and she swiped to answer.

"Olaf? Thanks for bringing us home last night," Elsa said cheerily as she flipped a pancake.

"Have you seen the news?" His tone was strained and direct.

Elsa froze, the pancake still on the hob. "Olaf?" She questioned, only moving enough to hit the remote to turn the TV on.

"Elsa -"

She hung up. On the screen was a blurry video of her and Anna in the bedroom from last night. Audio and visual footage were distorted but it showed enough.

Her world fell apart.

A high pitched squeal of her smoke alarm finally made her move. She pulled the burning pancake from the hob and threw it in the sink. Smoke engulfed the kitchen. She rushed to the window in an attempt to air the room out.

"Elsa?" Anna called from the bedroom above the siren.

"Don't - don't come out!" Elsa fumbled for the remote. The storm in her mind was just inches from overflowing into the apartment. She couldn't believe she hadn't already torn the building down.

Anna exited the bedroom, naked and goddamn perfect. She gazed at the TV. Censored images of her and Elsa doing everything to each other were plastered across the screen. The headline flashed up: Elsa Arendelle records scandalous sex tape with female lover as her father passes away.

Elsa didn't move.

Father.

"...Elsa I am so sorry," Anna whispered.

Elsa felt her strength falter. There was no storm. Hearing the news of her father's passing had been enough to mute all of her emotions. Had he heard about this indiscretion before he died? She felt nothing but shame.

...and anger. All of this was as much his fault as it was her own. If he had done things differently... He had pushed her away as much as she had pushed him.

She fell to her knees and within seconds Anna's warm arms were cradling her. She leaned into her lover, unable to get her thoughts straight. This news would be everywhere.

Anna had been right. She should have gone home straight away. In her denial she refused to think about how she'd feel if she never got to see her father again. Now it was happening and there was nothing she could do to tear her life from this track it was free-falling down. She'd never get to tell her father that he was wrong. He'd never see the life she had made here. She'd never have the chance to make him proud. She'd never get to say 'I love you'.

I was such a fool.

She wanted to cry but the tears wouldn't come. Anna rubbed her back gently.

"I'm here for you, Elsa," she said ever so quietly and Elsa snapped up to face her. How was she so calm? How was she keeping it together? Didn't she understand the gravity of what was happening?

Elsa pulled away, needing her own space to think.

"We were filmed having sex while my father -" she stopped herself. The anger was growing, and with it a new storm boiled up within her. She couldn't do this now. Not in front of Anna, but she needed to let it out.

Just how the hell had that video been taken? How had it gotten out?

Hans.

"Hans did this," Elsa breathed as she unravelled it in her mind. Everything added up. She didn't know his motivation, but now she had thought it she couldn't stop her racing thoughts. She was on her feet pacing around the apartment, running a hand furiously through her loose blonde hair.

"Hans wouldn't have done this," Anna was quick to defend him.

"He came into the office and deliberately invited me to the party. He told me you were going." Elsa closed her eyes as she held back the brewing storm. "He knew I'd go."

"That's like putting 2 and 2 together and coming out with 100. Elsa -"

"How could I have been so stupid? Doing that at a high profile party!" Elsa was shaking with rage and regret. "If Father saw that before he..." She couldn't finish the sentence. She could envision the disappointment and shame as clear as day. The chance his final thoughts of her were of that crushed her.

Anna folded her arms from across the room. "He was a grown-up, Elsa. Grown-ups have sex all of the time. He has thousands of other memories to hold onto. One evening doesn't define you and I'm sure it wasn't anything he hadn't seen before -"

"They don't see their only daughter on the news doing it with another woman!" Elsa snapped back.

She felt the temperature begin to drop as the frost formed on her fingertips. She needed to get away. With wild eyes she glanced around the room. How the hell would she get Anna out of here? The woman wasn't even dressed. Elsa could hardly run into the hall. She'd freeze the whole landing. Even if she made it to the car park she'd never be able to drive.

Elsa did the only thing she could think to do: run into her bedroom.

"Elsa!" Anna called as she chased after her. Elsa had the door firmly shut as the redhead crashed into it.

Alone, Elsa was finally able to let the torrent of emotion break free. The storm claimed the room.

"Elsa, open this door up right now!" Anna called as she banged on it. "Trashing your room won't make you feel any better!"

It took Elsa a good half a minute to realise Anna was referring to the sound of the blizzard tearing the room to pieces. She was grateful she didn't have to make up another lame excuse to cover up everything.

"Go away, Anna!" She called back as she slid down the door.

Every time she'd broken down like this she felt weak; as if all of her energy was feeding into powering the chaos around her. It had always sapped her of everything. This time was different. This time it felt like she couldn't feed it fast enough. She had never held so much power. The desire to fuel the storm and tear the building apart tugged at her but she held back as best she could.

"I'm not leaving you like this. I know it's hard and I know what you're going through. Let me help you -"

"You have no idea what it's like!" Elsa yelled back. Nails gripped her head as her body shook from the waterfall of frozen tears.

"I have every idea what it's like, or did you just forget that I lost both of my parents? Oh and a few weeks later my girlfriend walked out on me too," Anna called back in annoyance and Elsa winced. She knew she had stepped out of line the moment she had spoken. "I didn't have to be perfect but neither did you! You could have been whatever you wanted; they'd have accepted it eventually! You chose not to. And dammit you knew your dad was sick!" Now Anna had started she just wouldn't stop. Elsa held her head tighter. She couldn't bear to hear any of this. "You chose not to go and see him!"

"You think I don't know that!" Elsa shouted back, needing to do anything to stop Anna. "You think I want to be like this!? I never asked for any of this! I wish I could be like you! I wish I could be normal and for every day to just be easy!"

A momentary silence ensued. The storm continued to tear the room apart and Elsa could only pray it didn't overflow out into the living room.

"...If you think every day of my life is easy then you are the one who has no idea!" Anna snapped back. "My parents might have understood me but that didn't mean life was easy! Do you have any idea what it was like to have second-hand school uniforms that don't fit properly? Losing your house because your family can't afford the mortgage repayments? We were in emergency housing for three months! I never had what the other kids had. I didn't have big birthdays. My parents worked so hard just to keep us together and I was grateful!"

Elsa wiped her frozen tears away. How am I still so blind to everything and everyone? I am so wrapped up in my own problems I never see anything else. Her head thudded against the door in frustration. Why can't I be strong?

In a flash of adrenaline, Elsa rose to her feet and flung the door open. Anna wouldn't believe the blizzard but Elsa couldn't hide it any longer. Anna could know it all. After everything today Elsa wasn't sure she could fall any harder.

Except when she opened the door she wasn't face to face with those bright teal eyes. She tentatively stepped out, the blizzard flooding the living room as she did.

"Anna?" She called. Fighting her way through the storm, she caught a glimpse of the front door ajar.

That stupid girl hasn't seriously gone outside naked.

Anna was seething as she stomped out the apartment building in nothing but a pair of trainers and one of Elsa's long coats. Thank god the woman owned a long coat otherwise she'd have been well and truly stuck. Elsa had all of their clothes held hostage in her bedroom and there was no way she was getting in there to get anything out.

"Where the hell am I supposed to go?" She muttered aloud. It was a stupid question; she knew exactly where she was going. There was only one other person in this city she could possibly go to. Well, aside from Olaf but she was certain he'd already be chasing after Elsa. It wasn't like she could have stayed out in the winter weather like this long enough for Elsa to cool off.

Thank god my phone wasn't in the bedroom; if it was I'd really have been screwed.

As Anna waited out on the street she reflected on Elsa. Everything had been so perfect last night. She relived the memory in her mind. It still sent a shiver down her spine, even knowing it was out there for everyone else to see.

Things had been going so well. Elsa was starting to talk to her, she was going to go home again. The timing of last night had been terrible. I was supposed to be patient with her. Anna sighed inwardly. She was at war with herself over just how much shit she was supposed to take from her lover. It somehow always played out this way but Anna remained strong in her conviction. Elsa had been out of line. It wasn't like at the games night. This time it was serious. She thinks she is the only one who has had it hard. She makes life difficult for herself. She's her own worst enemy.

Anna glanced down at her messages before looking up again as a posh car pulled up, then again anything shiny with a personalised number plate went down as posh in her books.

The window rolled down and Hans gave her a sympathetic smile. "Jump in."

Thank the heavens he was free to meet her.

"Thanks for picking me up." Anna climbed into the passenger seat and strapped herself in.

He gave her a once over before pulling back out onto the road. "Are you really naked underneath that?"

Anna held her head in her hands. Christ. It was going to be a long day.

"I couldn't get to my clothes. Elsa locked herself in the bedroom," Anna replied exasperated.

Hans whistled. "I guess she saw the news."

That was the understatement of the century.

"She didn't just see it. She totally freaked out. Like I get it, her dad died. It sucks. But she treats it like she's the only person to ever go through that sort of shit," Anna paused mid-rant and looked over to Hans.

"Tell me honestly, did you film us last night?" She asked him straight. She hadn't believed Elsa's accusations but now she had brought them up she needed to know the truth.

"Seriously, Anna, I didn't record you and your girlfriend," he promised her. "I'm a little offended you used my father's party for a quick thrill, but you're not the first and I doubt you'll be the last."

Anna relaxed into the passenger seat. What she had done with Elsa last night was irresponsible and probably very rude, but she wouldn't regret it even after all of this.

"Sorry. She's just making me paranoid," she murmured the apology.

"It's okay, really. You both looked like you enjoyed yourself."

Anna looked around at him sharply, meeting mischievous emerald eyes. No way. The shame was building.

"Please tell me you didn't watch it." Anna's face went scarlet. She hid behind her hands, only peeking through a gap between her fingers.

"I was curious," he shrugged as if it wasn't a big deal. "You two were hot, even if the picture was pretty out of focus."

Anna was certain she had just died inside from embarrassment. He couldn't be serious. She peeked again to reveal he really was. Why would he have watched that? Then again, the whole world was probably watching it. It was no doubt going viral even as she sat there. Even if someone didn't care to view it they probably would just to see what the hype was about. And he had called her hot. Gods.

"I can't believe you!" She punched his arm, causing him to swerve. Hans let out a laugh in response.

"What can I say? I wanted to know what the fuss was about." He looked her over once more and Anna's face was in her hands again. What the hell was she doing?

He wasn't making it any better but Anna just shook her head exasperated. She couldn't be mad at him. Sure it was probably the most embarrassing thing to ever happen to her, but Hans had been a gentleman up until this point. As she glanced over at him again she recalled that she was his guest at the party. Oh shit. Not only did I ditch him but I totally humiliated him. I really am a horrible human being. Anna berated herself. And even after all of this she had come running back to him. She needed to sort her life out and fast.

"Thanks again for picking me up... and you know, not getting mad at me for sleeping around at your dad's party. I was your guest. I'm sorry if I've caused you any trouble," she said in shame.

"Don't sweat it. I say this in the nicest possible way, but everyone is into Elsa right now. You have the luxury of being a side note. I doubt the papers and news reports will even have your name," he spoke so casually of it all.

Anna wanted to take comfort in that but it just reminded her of Elsa and how badly she was handling everything. Of course she'd be upset. She's the one with the reputation. No one will care about a nobody like me. I shouldn't have walked out. Anna groaned in newfound regret. But something about the way Elsa was so wrapped up in herself brought back old unresolved feelings which Anna didn't even realise she was still holding on to. Elsa had never been there for her when she lost her parents. Going through this again, even if it wasn't her own loss, was too raw.

"Do you want to talk about it over a drink?" Hans asked.

"I'd love to." Anna nodded, desperately needing to relax. "Right after I get some new clothes."

Blues washed against yellow. Each stroke was drawn with such purpose. A ship crashing against waves at sunset. Elsa's eyes were firmly fixed upon the painting even as Olaf set a paper bag full of doughnuts down in front of her.

"I'm so sorry," He said quietly.

Elsa didn't reply. She barely heard him above the crashing of the waves in her mind. She envisioned the ship at war with the sea. The small vessel trying to fight its way through the violent waves. The water using all of its might to drag it down into its murky depths. It was playing out exactly as her life was right now. She had drifted into a storm and she was sinking. She couldn't stop it.

The hand on her own caused her to let out a gasp of surprise.

"Tell me what happened."

Elsa glanced at Olaf but didn't speak. What was there to say? She had finally found a spark of what she had dreamed of and the rest of her life had shattered to pieces. It was overdramatic, Elsa knew that. She didn't have to push Anna away. It was just easier than facing her. I always choose the easy option; the coward's option. She berated herself. Anna deserves better.

Elsa glanced down at her vibrating phone. It was her therapist. Gods. No doubt the woman had pieced everything together. That tape and the news headlines were hardly inconspicuous. Elsa ignored the call but texted back a reply.

I'm okay. Talk on Thursday. Elsa.

Elsa rested her head on the table as she tried to make sense of everything that had happened. Not only had she lost her father but she'd managed to push Anna away. Again.

Olaf served up a hot chocolate complete with whipped cream and sprinkles. It wasn't helping. All it did was make her think of Anna even more. How could I have yelled at her like that? It wasn't her fault.

Her phone vibrated again. She froze. The caller ID blinked 'Mother'.

"...Are you going to answer that?" Olaf asked from across the table. His eyes glancing between the phone and Elsa.

"No," Elsa said without hesitation.

"Shall I?" He offered. A dread filled Elsa at just the thought of being forced to confront her mother. She wasn't ready. She wasn't sure she'd ever be.

A silence fell upon them filled only by the incessant vibrating of her mobile phone. Elsa reached for it. Olaf was too quick. He already had it to his ear.

"Hello, Elsa's phone," Olaf greeted her mother.

She considered for a moment jumping across the small table, snatching it from his hands and throwing it out of the window. But the distant hum of her mother's voice caused her to hesitate.

"Yes, she's here," he confirmed. She caught his eye. He was doing this for the right reasons, she knew that. But she couldn't do this now. Not after what had happened. Elsa found her courage and boldly leapt across that table. Olaf somehow skidded back out of his chair and across the room. Elsa knocked both of their hot drinks over and swore under her breath.

"...Olaf, her friend and business partner. No, I don't think she is ready to talk just yet. But she's okay. I'll stay with her," He promised.

"Shit," Elsa muttered as she backed away from the scolding hot liquid.

Olaf let out a low hum and Elsa caught his eye again, pausing as she brushed herself down.

"...No..." She breathed, eyes wide in terror.

Too late.

"Elsa?" Her mother's voice said over the loudspeaker. Elsa couldn't move. She couldn't think. "Your father loved you."

Elsa couldn't contain the snow and wind that brushed through the room.

"I won't apologise for sending Anna to you."

Gods, why was she talking about Anna? Elsa slapped a hand to her head. Of course her mother had seen the news. Everyone in the whole world must have seen that.

"Is she with you now?"

When there was no reply, Olaf answered for her. "No."

"Don't let her go." A pause. "We have so much to talk about. Please come home. You don't have to stay... I just... want to see you." The sincerity in her words crushed Elsa.

"She will come visit," Olaf replied for her. Elsa looked up distraught as soon as he had said it. "Just give us a few days."

Elsa could have wrung his neck out for promising such a thing.

"And bring Anna back too," Iduna added.

Elsa crumbled. The storm around them grew, knocking pots and pans from the kitchen surface. Hearing her mother's voice, so gentle yet so sincere, it was too much. There was no judgement or blame. It only made Elsa feel even more guilty. She didn't deserve such forgiveness.

"I'll stay with her," Olaf promised.

"Elsa... stay safe. Call me if you need me."

Elsa stood stunned as the call disconnected.

"You had no right to do that... No right -" Elsa was cut off as the boy embraced her. She buried her head into his scruffy black locks.

"I'm not letting you run away this time. And I won't let you face it alone. Both me and Anna are here for you," He promised her as he rubbed her back.

She leaned into him, letting the torrent of emotions consume her.

After everything she had done, how could she go home now? How could she face her mother? Before all of that she needed to make it up to Anna but what could she say to make it all alright? Anna had been right, as always. Elsa hadn't sat back and considered anyone else. And then there was the matter of that tape being leaked. The shame it brought upon her family was too much to bear. Anna was in it too. She must feel just as awful. It was just more guilt to add to the mountain she already carried.

Anna... Father... I'm so sorry...