Chapter 19 - You can't live like this

The way Elsa dealt with her incidents wasn't healthy. She hadn't needed a therapist to tell that. After talking to the stranger for the past hour she had become nothing but frustrated with how the woman seemed to know her life better than she did. She had spent 17 years on this planet and even she couldn't understand herself. How could someone know everything in the space of 60 minutes? ...Except she didn't quite know everything. Her parents had made the woman sign an NDA but even so Elsa couldn't trust her enough to reveal her biggest secret. So she continued to do what she always did; hideaway in her room until the storms passed.

The only flaw with this tactic was that Anna triggered a breakdown almost every time they were together. Living with her best friend had been straining. Anna was grieving for the recent loss of her parents and Elsa couldn't give her the support she so desperately needed. Weighed down by the guilt, she couldn't do anything but hide. The strain they were putting on one other was impossibly hard for them both, even if Anna couldn't understand why.

So when Anna had as good as kicked the door in to Elsa's bedroom one afternoon, Elsa completely understood why she was furious.

"Why won't you talk to me!?" Anna couldn't hold back her yelling. Elsa was painfully aware she had been bottling everything up and acting like nothing was wrong, just like Elsa had been attempting to do since the girl had moved in. Whether it was to show appreciation to her parents for saving her from the care system or whether it was for Elsa's own sake she did not know. All she knew was her friend was falling part before her eyes and Elsa wasn't strong enough to stop it. And now the girl had finally let her anger loose Elsa couldn't even take that.

I'm useless.

"Dammit Elsa just say something! I'm sick of you ignoring me! I know you needed space and I've tried to give it to you... I really have." Anna fixed her eyes directly on Elsa's and she felt every tendril of anger. "But shutting me out isn't fair! They were my parents!" Anna's voice cracked and Elsa felt her heart break. Her pulse raced as fleeting images of that day flickered past her eyelids. She stumbled back, hands scrambling for something to lean on, something to cling to. She found nothing.

"A-Anna please-" Her voice was barely a whisper. She held onto the wall for support. She couldn't break down in front of Anna but her body was crumbling beneath the haze of panic.

"Please what?" Anna demanded, almost pinning Elsa to the wall. "Help me understand, Elsa. We were the closest we had ever been a few weeks ago. Then this happens and you can't even look at me. I let you have your space but you're not giving me anything back! I'm the one who deserves to be upset! I shouldn't have to step on eggshells around you! You should be supporting me through this!"

Elsa couldn't breathe. Her eyes flashed as spots of darkness threatened to cause a blackout. She willed it to take her. Anything to escape this intense feeling of dread that had gripped her soul. Even in her damaged state, Elsa knew she had to get away from Anna. If I hurt her now... The fear and panic were all consuming and it was taking all of her self control and focus to hold back the storm. With laboured steps Elsa moved, holding onto the chest of drawers to keep herself upright.
"You're going to run away again? That's your answer?"

Anna was still angry, perhaps even more so than before but Elsa barely registered it. Her mind was on nothing but holding back her breakdown.

"Anna, leave immediately."

Both girls snapped up to see Agnarr and Iduna, faces alight with concern. Father... Elsa had never felt so relieved to see him. He'd save Anna from this. Once they were gone Elsa could finally let go and allow the storm to take her.

Anna hesitated, wanting to argue but seemed to think better of it before stomping away. A series of sobs echoed alongside footsteps and Elsa added another fracture to her already shattered heart.

"I'll go to her," Iduna said quietly, giving her husband's arm a reassuring squeeze. He nodded in understanding.

Iduna closed the door as she left, leaving father and daughter alone in the bedroom.

"Let it out," he said as he reached out to Elsa. The girl visibly recoiled. She looked at her father with wild eyes. "No! I don't want to hurt you!"

Just what was her father thinking staying here?

"You won't. I'm not afraid." Tone gentler this time. Elsa did her best to put some distance between them but Agnarr took two quick strides forward and embraced his daughter. The comfort was completely unexpected. After years of hiding away and failing to control her power she had watched as her parents all but gave up on facing this with her. They kept their emotions hidden and guarded and she had learnt to do the same. For so long Elsa had faced these storms alone.

And now that small slither of comfort was all she needed to break. Tears froze against her cheeks as the blizzard claimed the room. The wind was so strong the snow didn't even settle. In the whiteout it was impossible to witness the devastation being caused. Elsa didn't care though. She leaned into her father's embrace in exhaustion. The panic and fear were subsiding and after a long few minutes the storm muted into a gentle flurry.

"How are you feeling?"

Elsa didn't know how to reply. It was all so foreign to her. Her father had never been so... involved in his daughter's breakdowns. It wasn't just her parents fault though; Elsa had pushed everyone away too. Maybe I just had more power to fight back in the past. Or maybe he can see you falling faster and harder than ever before.

"I think... I think I'm dying." It was the only accurate way Elsa could describe it. Watching Anna descend into such a deep sorrow had not only dragged Elsa in too but she'd been responsible. I killed two people. The guilt was eating away at her soul.

Agnarr squeezed his daughter tighter. Pulled away from her morbid thoughts she realised her father was soaking wet and shivering. Gods, what have I done? Elsa had never seen her father so animated. More regret. More guilt. It was endless.

"You can't live like this. You've had sixteen panic attacks in a week."

You've been watching me that closely?

"Something has to change and it has to be now." The resolve in her father's eyes was more desperation than conviction but Elsa understood all the same. She could already imagine what his plan would be. He'd send Anna away. Her parents would focus solely on their daughter. Except Elsa couldn't allow that. The thought of being trapped in this manor with therapists and doctors frightened her almost as much as unleashing another storm on the world. Anna needed the stability and safety her parent's could offer. Elsa didn't.

Something has to change. Elsa agreed. Hearing her father say it made her realise just how true it was.

"I know you care about Anna and I know you just want to do the best for her but I need to do what is best for you." As predicted, Agnarr was going exactly where Elsa knew he would go. "Letting her live so close to you is affecting you Elsa, you cannot deny it."

"I know." Elsa murmured numbly as she rested her head in the nook of her father's neck. She breathed in deeply, inhaling too much cologne. The smell was nostalgic though. She clung to the moment; enjoying pretending to be normal if only for a second. In her mind she imagined this could be a father comforting their daughter over anything else; a boy-or girl. She almost laughed at the irony. It was about a girl. I bet most girlfriends don't use their magic powers to kill their lover's parents though. The bitterness and shame crashed through her again and she was left with an even stronger resolve to do what she was about to do.

"Father?" Elsa murmured into his shoulder.

"Yes?"

"You know I love you, right?" The words seemed to catch her father off guard. He squeezed his daughter tighter to him as if she was about to fade away. Elsa had been cursed with a lot of powers but mindreading wasn't one of them. Even so, she sensed her father knew how this would end.

"I know. I love you too, more than you could ever believe." Hearing those words felt sweeter than anything. For a moment Elsa was filled with a quiet calm. It was what she had longed to hear for so long. "We will get through this. I promise. You won't be alone. You will never be alone," Agnarr promised, planting a kiss on Elsa's forehead to prove his sincerity. "Things won't be the same."

Elsa smiled. A part of her wanted to give in to her father and believe in this new change. But it was too little too late. Her mind was made up.

They only spent a few minutes more in each other's arms before the cold had become too much. Elsa pulled away first, her father's shivering becoming too much for her to bear. She looked around the room for the first time. How neither of them was injured in this chaos astounded her.

Maybe on a subconscious level I can control this.

"How does it compare to usual?"

Elsa glanced around at the question. She supposed it was a fair thing to ask. It actually felt nice to be able to talk about it without it feeling like some dirty secret. Rising to her feet, Elsa let out a sigh.

"I don't think a storm has ever faded so quickly... But I've also never taken chunks out of the walls like this before." Fingers flew across the scarred walls until she reached the window. It had shattered under the impact. Elsa leaned out. A gasp escaped her lips as she saw snow outside. It hadn't just settled. It was actively snowing for as far as she could see.

"Its summer," she breathed. "And I've made it snow outside. Again." She smacked one hand to her head. How can I escape this when I'm so volatile? One slip up and I could freeze the world.

"Do not worry," Agnarr said full of the controlled calm Elsa was accustomed to. "A weather anomaly is something your mother and I can fix. You'll move to a new room until we can refurbish this one. It doesn't matter how many rooms we redecorate or how many skewed reports reach the media, we will keep you safe for as long as it takes."

It's almost funny, Elsa thought as she turned to face her father. There was no disappointment in those eyes this time. Only desperation. It only took him until he realised he was about to lose you to actually start trying. The thought was bitter and probably unfair but Elsa couldn't change how she felt. She gave her father a nod in thanks, certain it would be her last.

Anna threw her clothes furiously into her panda backpack. Elsa's denial was the icing on the cake that was her life. This time last month things were perfect. Her parents were with her and Elsa was normal. And then the accident happened.

Tears rolled down her freckled cheeks. Breath hitched as everything came out. It wasn't fair. Her parents were good people. Good people didn't die saving other people. Why was the world so fucked up?

After being told by the police what had happened in park she'd broken down in her hospital bed. She'd left Elsa close to a hundred voice mails but there was no answer. At first she had believed the girl had been injured in the accident too. Her mind and heart had gone into overdrive with worry. It was only when the Arendelles showed up with social services to arrange fostering her had Anna realised the position she was in. No parents. No family. The social worker had asked her if this was what she wanted but there was no choice to be made. By all accounts Elsa's parents were saving her from spending the next few years stuck in the care system. Living with Elsa had been an appealing thought though. But she still hadn't actually seen her friend since the accident. She wished they could have talked about it. Moving in with your maybe-girlfriend's family wasn't something as simple as signing paperwork.

The first time she saw those blue eyes again was after the Arendelles brought her to their manor. Elsa had been standing in the hall looking more tired than Anna had ever seen her. She was suffering too, that much had been clear. Elsa had turned and ran before they could speak. The two barely exchanged words for the next week. There was no contact, no hugs, no kisses, no support.

"She is so selfish!" Anna scrunched her eyes shut, needing to yell. "I needed her so much. However much she is hurting it has nothing on me!" She punched the wall. Immediate regret as pain coursed through her whole arm. She did it a second time for good measure.

"Anna?"

Anna froze, half packed bag in one hand, the other still planted into the wall as she looked up at Iduna standing in the doorway.

"Anna, what are you doing?" Iduna asked patiently.

"I'm doing what it looks like," She replied more sharply than intended. It wasn't the Arendelles fault but she was ready to explode and if Elsa wouldn't take it her mother would have to suffice. She was about to walk out of them anyway. Who really cared if she threw all of their generosity back in their face as she did?

"Put the bag down."

"I'm not your daughter. I'm not going to do whatever you damn well say," Anna purposely continued to throw things into the bag for the hell of it. She didn't even know what she was packing anymore. "Where will you go?" Iduna remained by the door, arms folded.

"Anywhere away from here! Anywhere away from Elsa!" She hiccupped through the tears. She was full on ugly crying now but she embraced it and stormed onward. "She is so selfish and clueless! They were my parents! I tried so hard to fit in, to be grateful but I don't even care anymore! I didn't just lose them; I lost my best friend too. I lost my..." Her voice cracked and she ran out of steam. As much as she wanted to yell about her night with Elsa she didn't believe her heart could take it. "I lost everything! No one deserves that." No one deserves to lose their family and have their heart broken at the same time.

"I'm going. Being here isn't helping Elsa or me." Anna shoved past Iduna on her way into the hall.

To her credit, Iduna didn't lose her cool. She took all of the girl's anger in her stride.

"Elsa was the one who convinced us to foster you."

The words caused Anna to halt halfway down the hall. She whipped around in utter disbelief.

"What?" She asked dumbfounded. Iduna's serious expression confirmed she hadn't dreamt it. "Why?"

"Because she knew you had nowhere else to go. Anna, this isn't easy for me to explain because there is so much more going on than you could ever realise, but Elsa... Elsa isn't well." Anna sensed that wasn't quite the truth but she couldn't put her finger on why. "She hasn't been for a long time. It's why we've always been so strict with keeping her close. If she goes off the rails out in the world..." She let the sentence hang for a moment. "When she's with you she is free in a way I've never seen before. It's been wonderful to watch. But these last two weeks have also been the worst I've ever seen her. She's had countless panic attacks and breakdowns."

Anna's anger dissipated. She had seen Elsa suffering but she had ignored it believing her own suffering had somehow been worth more. How could she have even been comparing the two? Who was she to judge whether Elsa was allowed to be hurting too? I've been such a fool. Anna berated herself. And Iduna had told her all of this so patiently and understandingly after she had just exploded in her face.

"It's not your fault," Iduna spoke the words as if knowing exactly what Anna would be feeling.

Dammit, it's entirely my fault. I'm so ungrateful. The bag dropped to the floor and Anna slumped to her knees defeated. What in the hell was she supposed to do now? How could she stay? How could she leave?

"Mrs Arendelle!" A voice called up the hallway. Iduna was racing past Anna before she even knew what was happening. Something in way the woman ran made Anna's heart sink. She scrambled to her feet and chased after her.

"She's taken her keys." Anna barely overheard Kai telling Iduna as the redhead half ran, half tumbled down the grand staircase.

Before Anna had time to catch her breath Iduna was already out the front door. Anna followed and almost collided with Agnarr as she skidded out after her.

The screech of tyres against stone tore through the air, followed closely by the harsh rev of an engine. Elsa's ice blue BMW was down the drive before the two women could even blink.

Snow fell heavy in the sky as Elsa disappeared from view.

"Let her go," Agnarr said wearily, arms folded and gazing into the snowy landscape.

"What?" Iduna demanded in disbelief. "What did you say to her?" Her tone was accusatory. "You know what will happen if she slips up! She isn't safe out there!"

"It's her choice to make," he said in resignation.

Anna took a few steps forward onto the drive as she zoned out of Iduna and Agnarr arguing. Regret filled her heart. She had done this. She had pushed her friend too far. She clenched her fists as she relived just how harsh she had been earlier. Why hadn't she seen the fear in Elsa's eyes as clearly as she could see it now? She'd do anything to embrace her and chase away all of that pain.

What have I done? "I'm so sorry."

Iduna and Agnarr looked up; seeming to have just remembered Anna was still present.

"...It's not your fault." The hesitation in Iduna's response said more than her words. "Things were complicated before you were even in the picture. The failing is mine and my husband's." There was something in the way she said husband that made Anna wince.

Iduna turned to go inside but Anna remained on the driveway.

"I'm going to stay out here a while longer. Don't worry, I can't escape. I don't have a car and I'm pretty sure walking your driveway on its own would take me hours," Anna tried to instil some confidence in her new family but her weak smile was faltering.

"Make sure you are in before nightfall. And if you get cold help yourself to a coat. Kai will find you whatever you need."

Anna nodded, still unused to this way of life. She watched as the pair fled inside and was pleased when the door closed. She was sure Elsa's parents needed as much space as Anna did.

The silence was welcome and for the first time this evening she leaned her head back and gazed up at the summer snow.

Elsa.

Despite telling her new foster parents that she wasn't going to go running down the driveway Anna did exactly that. She moved as fast as her legs would carry her. Maybe she'd catch up to the blonde if she could just move quickly enough. Snow crunched beneath her feet as she pressed onwards. Every muscle in her body burned with the exertion. Only when she reached the gates did she realise how futile it was. Elsa hadn't stopped. Anna collapsed by the entrance to the estate, lungs burning and body aching. It was a welcome feeling when compared to the pain in her heart.

Anna extended a hand to catch a snowflake. "Come back to me Elsa." She clenched the snowflake tight, tears falling from her cheeks. "Please come back."

Hans watched Elsa through the mirrored glass with a frown. He traced the outline of her thin frame sat in a chair. Either she wasn't eating or they weren't feeding her. He could have face-palmed at how lax this operation was. Why could no one else see the long game?

All you had to do was keep her alive, healthy and contained. She should be trying to rip this place apart. Hans gritted his teeth in annoyance.

Sipping his coffee, he leaned back on the desk and considered his options. He had pushed her too far, that much was clear. He had tried to get to know her better during their partnership but she had been resistant to everyone other than Olaf, and that boy was just as defensive when it came down to her. He was paying for that failing now. She was far more fragile than he realised and breaking her heart had gone too far for her and not far enough for Anna.

Goddammit! He slammed the cup down in frustration. Perhaps Anna showing up would work to his advantage in the end. He needed to work out just how to play that.

The scrape of a door opening drew his attention. Weselton waltzed in and Hans rose to meet him.

"Have we got anything?" Hans asked in hope.

"There are some variations in her blood levels but it's difficult to know if it's an isolated case, due to a different underlying cause or due to her ice magic. We don't believe structurally she's any different to you or me," he explained as he lit up a cigarette. "We did put a vial of blood in the freezer. The red cells lysed as expected. When we put her in freezing conditions however she maintained a constant temperature. It was far below what you'd expect for a human but something inside her keeps her cells functioning and something kept her from getting hypothermia. We're still working on what that is."

While it was interesting, it wasn't what Hans was after. "So you have absolutely nothing to explain how she can make snowflakes out of thin air?" Hans interrupted with fraying patience. He turned back to Elsa as she sat alone in the stark room.

"Genetic testing will take longer. The lack of any data of her using her power in a controlled environment is a challenge," Weselton turned to him pointedly.

"Perhaps if you didn't keep her dosed up on morphine and whatever cocktail of sedatives your people have cooked up you'd have a chance for her to actually use them," Hans shot back defensively. The old man could blame him all he wanted for the incident in the park. The fact of the matter was it was equally Weselton's failings for not doing enough here. He was supposed to employ some of the best minds in the world yet here they were at a dead end.

"Give an idle woman too much time and she'll cause trouble. I'm not risking it, especially not with something as dangerous as her."

Hans rolled his eyes at his misogynistic views but he'd given up debating with stubborn old mule years ago. There was no changing his mind. Albeit for the wrong reasons his paranoia may have been on point if they had the old Elsa in here, but they didn't.

"That doesn't explain why you need to give her a dose large enough to knock out an elephant," Hans muttered. It was an exaggeration, for sure, but Hans had studied pharmacology and he knew for a fact the prescriptions they were giving Elsa were far from safe. The last thing they wanted was to accidentally kill her.

"Another mystery. She's surprisingly resistant to a lot of medication."

Hans snapped up, attention immediately grabbed. "That's interesting." Not what I was after but it's something. Does she just metabolise it quicker? He wondered.

The vibration of his phone interrupted their conversation. Hans considered leaving it, but curiosity got the better of him and he opened the text message.

"I hope I'm not keeping you from something," Weselton arched an eyebrow. Hans took no notice.

His eyes flicked over the screen a few times, rereading the message before he tucked his phone safely back in his pocket.

"Personal business," he replied with a note of finality. Weselton hummed while turning back to Elsa.

"Tell me, could we reduce the sedatives for a day? I have a little something I'd like to try, but it won't work with her dosed up to her eyeballs," He asked.

Weselton considered it for a long while. "We'll withdraw medication for a single day," he began seriously as he turned to Hans. "But any sign of trouble and she goes straight back on it."

Hans nodded in agreement, a sly smile playing on his lips. "Thank you. I'll make sure she's well taken care of."

A/N: I have a really close relationship with my mum so when I first wrote this chapter ages back by instinct I had Iduna comforting Elsa. It was only when in the comments I saw a guest wondering whether Agnarr could be redeemable that I totally face-palmed and thought 'for just once in Elsa's life he needs to be there'. So I rewrote it all and it really works so much better.

In response to one of my guest reviewers, no, I haven't actually read many Frozen fanfics. I only got onto the scene in June so I went back and read the big ones: Snowflake in Spring, Anna Summers PA and r9k along with a couple of recent ones. It's not really a surprise to me that someone has done my idea first as I'm so late to the party. Despite the temptation, I'm not going to read Stolen Ice until after I've finished writing as I don't want it to alter my flow. My influence for the science-fiction side is a combination between my love of science (I wouldn't be a scientist if I didn't love my work) and TV shows like Fringe and Stranger Things.