"Greetings. Today I will be reviewing a Pokémon Conquest story that deals with the death of a loved one."
Motonari's Malady
"No, no... If I were to review that, I would become an even bigger rip-off of Keldeo, not to mention it would be shameless advertising." As Arceus said that, a certain Civilization Leader happened to pop up on his computer.
"Speaking of shameless advertising; don't forget to read The-" Arceus quickly turned off the software before the man could finish his sentence.
"With that aside, why don't we begin?"
Arceus the Critic
"Let It Pass" by Akai Shi-Koret
Let It Pass
By: Akai Shi-Koret
A short featuring Kanbei and Hanbei from Pokemon Conquest. Don't ask me why I wrote this cause IDK either.
If you don't know why you wrote it then why should we read it? Why don't you know why you wrote it? Do you usually not write tragedy?
(Arceus shook his head then sighed.)
We're not even pass the summary yet and I'm already confused. This doesn't bode well.
The electric lights of Kanbei's room were always dim, but that night they had been extinguished completely. Darkness clung to the corners of the chamber and hung from the arms of the heavy steel chandelier above. A single candle flickered in a corner of the room, providing barely enough illumination for the Warrior to see the paper he wrote on. Wax dripped down the sides of the candlestick and pooled slowly around its base, but Kanbei never noticed.
Well, this is a very descriptive start, so perhaps my fears were unf- wait... Electric lights, a chandelier and a candlestick? Can't this author ever make up his mind!?
His thoughts were focused solely and completely on his writing, never straying away even when a maid knocked on his door or when the floor trembled from another volcanic upsurge.
The author and Kanbei are clearly two different people when it comes to writing.
The words poured from his quill as he frantically scribbled his way across the page, but not fast enough to capture the full breadth of his train of thought. The faster he wrote, the more ended up slipping away from his mind off to places unknown. Finally, Kanbei dropped the writing utensil in disgust, leaning over the desk and resting his head in his hands. He'd been on the verge of a breakthrough, of that he was sure, but the idea had disappeared before he'd been able to write it down. As it usually did.
A soft noise, like the sound of an iron lamp swaying in the wind, echoed from the ceiling above him and a faint blue light suddenly permeated the room. Kanbei glanced up instinctively just in time to see the ghostly form of his Lampent drift down through the wooden surface, spinning slightly as though in a breeze.
Correct me if I'm wrong... but a "volcanic upsurge" won't distract you from writing, but a blue light will?
(Dug: Squirrel!)
Ohhh, Terrifying...
"Where have you been?" Kanbei muttered softly as the Pokemon came to a rest over his left shoulder. The lamp simply made a gesture with one of the iron tendrils that served as its arms, while visions of the battlefield flashed through Kanbei's mind. Watching, the Pokemon said. Waiting.
(Arceus rolled his eyes.)
More unexplained vagueness and confusion! Hooray!
But there was something else on the periphery of its consciousness as well, something that it attempted to conceal from Kanbei even as he sought to discover what it was. "And?" the Warrior asked, making no effort to hide his disappointment. The Pokemon floated away from its partner, intent on fleeing through the nearest wall, but a sharp mental tug from Kanbei pulled it up short.
(Arceus furrowed his non-existent eyebrows in observation.)
I feel compelled to point this out, since no one who has not played Conquest will notice this, and I doubt that most people who have played Conquest will either; this author is putting the link between warrior and Pokémon into his story. Now, despite this is arguably one of the most important aspects of the game, it is oddly underused in Fanfiction.
Some of the better stories will mention it in passing, or explain it as being a method of communication between the partners, but this is the first story I have read that actually goes into detail about this concept, and manages to do it quite well. So I must give kudos to the author for this scene.
It fought the strain for a brief second, but upon realizing that Kanbei would give no quarter it gave in. Searching for him, it admitted mournfully.
Kanbei slumped in his chair, disappointment, anger, and sadness rising up all at once. "I've told you, he's not coming back," he said hollowly. "People don't follow the same rules as Pokemon."
The Lampent curved its arms above its head at the gesture, making a perfect circle with its head in the middle. Some do, it whispered in Kanbei's mind. Some have returned.
"And most don't," the Warrior snapped. "It's been a month now. He'd dead, Lampent.
(John Cleese: I'll tell you what's wrong with it. It's dead, that's what's wrong with it.)
His voice was cold and disciplined, but the thoughts that spread to his Pokemon through the mental link they shared were a maelstrom of emotions – anger at his Pokemon for being foolish, anger at himself, and always the ever-present melancholy that threatened to swallow him. The ghost flinched under the barrage of feelings and drifted to the floor, bobbing in and out of the dark rug like a lamp floating through an ancient sea. Sorry, it said, the word ringing through Kanbei's head like the toll of a bell.
Kanbei cut off the emotions, forcing them back down into the depths of his being. "No, I'm sorry," he apologized,
(Arceus grunted in anger.)
Why is this author so confused!? First you say Kanbei cut off his emotions, then you have him apologize! Make up your mind already!
"It's not your fault." The past he'd fought so long to keep out of his head was suddenly upon him and Kanbei remembered it all – the early warning signs, the coughing, the final sickness. How Hanbei had never seemed to treat it seriously, always waving off the illness as though it'd be over by the next day. "Just because you like Ghost Pokemon doesn't mean you can tell when people are going to die," he'd said in between coughs one day.
(Zorua: I almost got killed once!)
"Besides, I like it this way. Lord Hideyoshi can't complain about me staying in bed all the time now." The mere memory of his brother's broad grin was almost too much to handle.
(Arceus' eyes nearly bulged out of his head at that one word.)
B-Brother!?
brother's
(A picture of Kanbei and Hanbei appeared on the screen, with their names underneath their respective pictures; Kanbei Kuroda, Hanbei Takenaka.)
What on earth compelled the author to make them brothers? Was it because of their names? Was it because this is a tragedy and it would be more tragic if he lost his brother? If it's the latter, I can understand but at least give us some warning that you're taking Pokémon down a darker route. But nope, no author's notes or something in the summary to mention that the author is taking massive liberties with Pokémon by having Hanbei be killed in battle and then making him Kanbei's brother.
"You know, you can cry for me," a voice whispered suddenly in Kanbei's ear. The Warrior jolted out of his chair immediately, spinning to face the threat while his Lampent spiraled up from the floor, blue flames burning even more brightly. Both Warrior and Pokemon froze as they realized what they were seeing – there, sitting on Kanbei's desk as though it was a park bench, was Hanbei. "Hey, brother," the apparition said with a lazy wave.
(Arceus just stared at the screen in pure shock.)
Kanbei blinked. "What…?" he managed to eke out before confusion, relief, and shock welled up within him and shut down his ability to speak. His Lampent was similarly silenced, although it had a completely different feeling. I was right, it said with a triumphant air. I was right.
Because the first thing you do when you see a Ghost is to say "I told you so".
Kanbei's shock was enough to elicit a laugh from Hanbei – one that didn't end in coughing. "What's the matter Kanbei?," he said, slipping off the desk and taking a few steps forward. "You didn't think something like death was gonna keep me from bothering you, huh?"
(Arceus snorted.)
I know this is supposed to be a tragedy, but the author somehow managed to make this funny.
(Arceus blinked a few more times at an epiphany.)
Come on; the author can't even decide if he wants this to be a comedy or a tragedy! MAKE UP YOUR MIND ALREADY!
He glanced backwards at the paper Kanbei had been working on early. "I see you've been keeping busy. What's all this?"
The white-haired Warrior wasn't fully recovered from the surprise, but had enough sense of mind to snatch the paper off the desk. "You know I don't let you read anything I write," he said, stowing the white sheet away within the sleeve of his robe. "Now, how did you come back?" he asked bluntly. "And why?"
(Arceus starts imitating Hanbei's voice.)
And a fine howdy-do to you as well. Glad to know that if I ever bend the laws of reality just to come back and see you again, your main priorities will still be writing.
Hanbei's grin faded into a shrug. "You're the ghost master here, Kanbei," he said with a wink. "I just figured you could use my company. Otherwise you'd NEVER leave this room. Isn't that right Raichu?" For the first time, Kanbei noticed the spectral thunder mouse that was sitting at his brother's feet, lazily absorbing the conversation. It nodded enthusiastically at the question, mimicking its partner's wink.
You know, I find it to be amusing how this is supposed to be sad, but the author has unintentionally made this funny.
(A deep voice can be heard as a film projector starts counting down.)
What you are about to see is surreal. It has been edited and enhanced for comedic purposes.
A soft noise, like the sound of an iron lamp swaying in the wind, echoed from the ceiling above him and a faint blue light suddenly permeated the room.
The Warrior jolted out of his chair
"Hey, brother," the apparition said with a lazy wave.
A comedy the likes of which has not been seen since Manos: The Hands of Fate.
there, sitting on Kanbei's desk as though it was a park bench, was Hanbei.
"You didn't think something like death was gonna keep me from bothering you, huh?"
"So you're here to haunt me?" Kanbei asked, starting to feel slightly annoyed.
It nodded enthusiastically at the question, mimicking its partner's wink.
"You're the ghost master here, Kanbei," he said with a wink. "I just figured you could use my company. Otherwise you'd NEVER leave this room. Isn't that right Raichu?"
Starring:
Hanbei Takenaka
"What he said," Hanbei finished,
Kanbei Kuroda
Kanbei blinked. "What…?"
Lampent
Do not forget, it said, hovering in front of its partner's face.
And that guy from that thing in the eighties.
Ghost Brother
With one final wink, Hanbei stepped through the wall and out of sight, his Raichu following close behind.
Coming soon
"So you're here to haunt me?" Kanbei asked, starting to feel slightly annoyed. The irritation spiked when Hanbei gave a hearty nod. "And to keep you from getting too annoyed at Lord Hideyoshi, that is," Hanbei replied.
(Arceus continues to imitate Hanbei's voice.)
You'll be so fed up with my antics that you won't even have time for the Monferno. Heck, I'm sure you'll have to call Ghostbusters just to get some peace of mind.
Upon seeing his brother's frown though, Hanbei's smile disappeared. "There IS a reason I came back," he said soberly. "You'd better listen though, 'cause I'm only gonna say this once." He paused to ensure that Kanbei was paying attention, took a breath, and continued. "You can't ignore life just because someone has gone out of it, Kanbei. I know you're all obsessed with death and ghosts and stuff, but seriously dude – get over it." A small grin reappeared on Hanbei's face. "And you've got your whole 'take over the world' plan to figure out anyways. You don't have time to worry about me."
Well, this author has managed to pull off a heartwarm- wait...
He paused to ensure that Kanbei was paying attention, took a breath, and continued.
The dead don't need to breath!
Kanbei's face was impassive. "Hanbei, how am I to just forget you?" he asked, keeping the emotion out of his voice with some effort. His older brother opened his mouth to respond, but Kanbei's Lampent was faster. Do not forget, it said, hovering in front of its partner's face. Remember. And let pass on.
"What he said," Hanbei finished, pointing at the ghost. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some business to attend to." He turned towards the nearby wall, walking towards it with the clear intent of going straight through. "This is pretty neat, you gotta admit," he said with a grin as he stuck a hand into the surface.
"Wait," Kanbei said, lurching forwards a step or two. "Is this goodbye then?"
(Arceus sighed.)
Of course not. That would be too tragic. No, just insert another joke that's more unexpected than the Spanish Inquisition, and I think we can call it a day.
Hanbei shook his head. "Nah, I think I'll be back," he said, eyes screwed up as though evaluating a mental list of things to do. "Just to heckle you a bit more. But for right now at least, there are more pressing concerns – like Nene taking a bath." With one final wink, Hanbei stepped through the wall and out of sight, his Raichu following close behind.
Right there is where this story breathes its last. It was doing a very good job of keeping Hanbei in character until it gave him this line:
But for right now at least, there are more pressing concerns – like Nene taking a bath.
Can anyone who has played the source material see Hanbei saying this? What justification was there for perverting him!?
He'd only been gone a second when his head reappeared through the wall. "And bro?" he said. "I love you, man." And then his face slipped away through the wood and into places unknown.
Kanbei stared at the spot where his brother had disappeared for another few seconds before finally returning to his desk chair. Years of practice had kept him from ever uttering the words, but as he took his seat they floated to the top of his consciousness: "Love you too, Hanbei".
And with that, this story is concluded. So what is my Judgement on it? While it gets worse as it goes along, I can't really give one definite conclusion, so I'll just have to list out what I've noted.
On the positive side, it is very well written and descriptive, with impeccable grammar and punctuation. The beginning had a very somber tone and the selection of Kanbei as the one who has lost someone dear to him was a good choice. Had it been anyone else other than Hanbei, perhaps an actual family member, it would have worked much better since the story could have focused on explaining why he was so emotionless and dour. Likewise, it can be heartwarming when it wants too.
On the negative side, it tends to lapse into a confusing and indecisive mix that is a constant distraction. The biggest problem though was the selection of Hanbei. Now, while I think the idea of a deceased loved one coming back to try and help a depressed family member is a very good idea, the problem with it was the choice of having Hanbei be the one. Given their historical friendship I could see it happen, but simply due to Hanbei's personality it's a bad idea.
Why?
Well, Hanbei is an upbeat, wisecracking strategist that loves to both sleep and help Kanbei. So, naturally, injecting someone with such a light-hearted personality into a story that is supposed to be focusing on a very serious matter severely impedes the tone. This could have been easily remedied if the author changed Hanbei's personality a bit (which he did, just not in the right direction), but no such effort was made.
Overall, this story was okay, and if the author went back and changed around a few things it could actually be pretty good. Now, with that done, I believe there are other matters I must attend to.
(After Arceus left his study, quiet reigned for a few moments before three individuals in matching red uniforms burst into the room.)
"Nobody expects the Spa-"
The End
"Oh, Bugger."
Credits
Up
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