Mew chuckled evilly while rubbing her paws together like a mad scientist plotting world domination, quickly withdrawing her head from Arceus' doorframe after making sure he was still asleep.

"This is going to be one of my best..." she muttered, having slung a large, burlap sack emblazoned with the word 'macguffin' over her shoulder and struggled to carry it into his room. A few seconds of tense quiet passed before Arceus' scream shattered it, the sounds of various items breaking following before a very loud buzzing occurred before a sudden blast of light. Mew floated out of the room looking like she had seen a ghost.

"Oh no..." the Psychic Type's eyes went wide and her paws flew to her head.

"GYAH! What have I done!?" Mew started floating back and fourth frantically. "What to do, what to do, what to d-"

She stopped her pacing for a moment and shot upright. "Palkia! He'll know how to get Arcy back!"

Mew disappeared in a burst of light before rematerializing seconds later, clutching Palkia's arm while he was holding a bowl of cereal. The Spatial Pokémon lowered the spoon he was clutching back into the bowl and glared irately at the smaller Legendary.

"Mew? Wh-"

"PleasePalkiayouhavetohelpmeIaccidentallyteleportedArcyaway!" Mew wheezed afterwards while the white Pokémon blinked.

"Say it again. Slowly," he put a threatening emphasis on his addendum and the New Species Pokémon smiled nervously.

"I... might have accidentally caused Arcy to vanish and need your help to get him back," Palkia just stared blankly at her, slowly processing the information, while Mew offered a toothy smile. "Please?"

The Spatial Dragon frowned. "Why?"

Mew blinked in disbelief. "Because he's your father and you would want to help?"

"He also happens to have the power to create entire dimensions at will," Palkia replied dismissively. "Dad doesn't need my help, and frankly I just want to see you get your comeuppance."

Mew's eyes narrowed and she leaned in threatening close to the colossal Legendary's face, who was taken aback for a second at the intensity of her glare before remembering their difference in size. "If you don't help me, I'll make the Super Friends Circle a reality."

She jabbed her paddle shaped tail into Palkia's midsection for emphasis, while the Spatial Pokémon only crossed his arms. "You know, that would be more effective a threat against dad."

"That's the point," Palkia sighed and rubbed what the Pyschic Type assumed were his temples.

"Fine, give me a few minutes..." Palkia turned around, his claw gaining a pinkish glow, before he cut a large gap in the time-space fabric a few feet away. Mew looked on disinterestedly, and after a few minutes of sticking his armored claw into the rift and shifting it around, Palkia let out a triumphant 'ha!'. A muffled thud echoed out behind them seconds later, and the two Legendaries turned around to see Rosa sprawled out on the floor.

"I don't remember this being in the script..." the girl muttered dizzily, while Mew spun around violently.

"Arcy, for his sake, Palkia!"

"I'm trying!" he yelled back. "It's not my fault that whatever you did messed up the flow of space so badly..."

He reached back into the vortex, and moments later another thud occurred.

"Yeesh, Hanbei, I told ya to install the trap door, not use... it?" Hideyoshi blinked bewilderedly at his surroundings.

"Hey, are you okay?" Rosa extended a hand to the downed newcomer.

"Yeah... A bit-" the Warlord's words died in his throat when he got a good look at the owner of the hand, and began staring up at her dopily. Rosa blinked self-consciously.

"What's wrong? Is there something on my face?"

"Y-You're pretty..." Palkia went back to fishing in the ripple while Mew rolled her eyes.

"She gets her hair done at a bakery..." another thump and pained cry followed, and Professor Rowan found himself sitting atop a crushed Hideyoshi.

"Where in blazes am I?"

"On top of me..." the Warlord of Ignis wheezed out, the Pokémon Professor quickly getting off before looking over at the two Legendary Pokémon.

"Found him!" Palkia cried out triumphantly, Mew floating in closer.

"Really!? Where is he?"

"You teleported him into the Angry Bug Show," Mew's eyes went wide.

"What!?" the New Species Pokémon put a paw to her chin, a more contemplative look quickly overtaking her. "Arcy's probably going to do a review to kill some time... So I guess we should just see how many people we can randomly pull out of thin air until he's finished?"

Palkia shrugged apathetically. "It's not as if I have anything better to do."

Arceus (and Genesect) the Critic(s)

"Sylveon Loves Cupcakes" by Muffinypowers

Sylveon Loves Cupcakes

By: Muffinypowers

If your Sylveon asks you for a cupcake, it's probably not the best idea to give it to him. Just sayin'.

Genesect smiled and gave a friendly wave. "Hey you guys, girls or whatever! Welcome back to the Angry Bug Show, or Arceus the Critic as I may say!"

The camera panned out a bit to reveal Arceus hovering next to the Dual Type, who looked both confused and somewhat irritated. "Yes. I'm not exactly sure how I ended up here, though I'm certain I can pry an answer out of Mew once I find a way back. In the meantime, we'll be reviewing a story."

"Indeed we shall, Arceus!" Genesect chimed in before shaking one of the Alpha Pokémon's hooves. "It is a great pleasure to be reviewing with you! I wonder what Mew did to get you here...?"

Arceus nodded. "Likewise. Regardless of whatever asinine scheme she carried out, though, I'm certain that this story will make it pale in comparison."

"Hmm..." Genesect put one of his claws to what passed as his chin. "Yes... I believe that too." Arceus looked down.

"And, so, we start out in Santalune Forest."

"Sylveon! Are you okay?" A young Trainer was kneeling down by a Fairy-type in Santalune Forest,

Genesect scratched his head. "Huh... That seemed to start off rather quickly..."

"You wouldn't happen to have a sound system or some equivalent thereof, would you?" The Paleozoic Pokémon looked up.

"Sure; it's over there."

Arceus gave a nod before his eyes flashed. "Thank you."

(Nigel Tufnell: No one knows who they were... Or what they were doing.)

yelling about how he was an idiot and not to jump out the stupid window and run to the stupid forest and stupid stupid stupid-

The purple Pokémon looked confused. "What the? Is this the trainer's monologue of thought or something? If so, that's rather...stupid."

Arceus rolled his eyes, materialized a drum set, and performed a sting. "Yes, well-"

Stahp.

The Normal Type blinked. "Okay?"

Genesect only crossed his arms and glowered. "Ah, the classic mis-spelling of 'stop'. You don't see that spelling often in fan-fiction, due to the fact that NO ONE USES IT!"

"I need... cupcakes... Please, Trainer..." the Pokémon responded. "Cup... cakes..."

Arceus rolled his eyes and began mimicking Sylveon's voice. "I.. just... jumped out a window and broke all my bones... Cup... cakes..."

Genesect smiled. "Good impression there, Arceus. I'm just wondering on how Sylveon is able to speak!"

(Travis Bickle: You talking to me?)

"Of course, Sylveon, anything for you- Wait, how are you talking to me?" Serena said, taking Sylveon in her arms.

The Angry Bug pointed at the camera. "See? Even Serena questions how Sylveon is speaking!"

Arceus rolled his eyes. "Oh, nevermind that insignificant little detail; Sylveon needs his cupcakes!"

Genesect drooped slightly. "But...I like little details...!"

"Shut up... cupcakes."

Genesect crossed his arms. "Now, that's just rude!"

Arceus furrowed his non-existent brow confusedly, leaning in slightly. "Is he asking for cupcakes or calling Serena cupcakes?"

The Dual Type scratched his head. "I don't know to be honest..."

Serena nodded in response, passing him a pink cupcake. He rolled out of her lap into some vacant grass, which a Panpour- Wait, Pansage- No, Pansear- No, it was Pansage after all- Panstupid- tried to walk into.

"And so, a random Pansomething bravely tried to walk into this story to give it some common sense," Arceus remarked solemnly. Genesect nodded.

"I wonder what this Panwhatever will do?"

Serena began to yell some words at it that would put anyone to shame, and the Panstupid sped away. That's when Calem walked into the forest, having heard her yelling at Pan-whatever-the-crap.

"Unfortunately Pan-what's-its-name was quickly replaced with Calem, who actually had a reason to have dialogue and a reason for showing up."

"At least Calem has a use in this story, I think..." Genesect muttered.

"Well, let's find out, shall we?"

"Are you okay? I heard your yelling, and- you might not want to give that cupcake to it."

"Um, why not?" Genesect's look turned from confused to horrified. "What's this Sylveon gonna do?!"

"Go on a sugar high, obviously," Arceus commented reservedly.

"Him," Serena reminded her idiot of a neighbor. "And why shouldn't I give him the cupcake?" Sylveon nabbed the treat from his Trainer's hand. Then, a symbol appeared behind him. The Mega Evolution symbol.

Genesect grinned triumphantly.

"You, sir, are wrong," Arceus only rolled his eyes.

"If not them, it's about to send the readers on one. Like so:"

Oh, Muk. They were screwed. His ribbons multiplied until he was covered, and he grew some wings that matched his eyes and fur perfectly. He fluttered into the air, and Serena and Calem watched. The pair's faces both read, "Oh crap."

The Normal Type leaned in close. "But wait! There's more!"

"Syl! Sylveon!" the Mega called out. The crappiness of this situation would continue to grow, however. After using Psyshock on a tree, which burst into pieces for no good reason, its wings grew larger. The ribbons turned into redness, which took over the blackness that Sylveon's fur had become. His back legs turned into a tail, which grew dark spikes on the end, and his front legs became tough-looking talons. Sylveon grew two curved horns on his head, which made him look like the letter Y.

Genesect's eyes went wide. "Great googly moogly, Sylveon is turning into Yveltal! This story is way too random!"

"Well, apparently that thought occurs to our heroes as well."

"Did Sylveon just Mega Evolve, blow up a tree, then turn into Yveltal?" Serena asked.

"Yep," was Calem's reply.

(Pearl: I don't understand.)

Genesect sighed. "Honestly, I think my internal screaming has intensified."

The Alpha Pokémon's eyes flashed. "It's about to get worse."

"Crap." YvelSylveon, as he shall be referred to from now on, began to use Oblivion Wing on everything around him. "Well, this sucks. Hide!"

Arceus sighed.

(Jerry Seinfeld: To the idiot mobile!)

The Angry Bug threw his arms up into the air. "For goodness sake! Doesn't anything in this story make sense?!"

Serena dragged Calem behind a tree. Yes, to hide from YvelSylveon. It was not very effective, however, because YvelSylveon blew it up. Serena watched from behind the destroyed tree, staring at a Panstupid trio that was hit by the red beam.

"Oh, look, the Pannothings are back," Genesect muttered.

"Come back, Panshane!" Arceus said mournfully. "Your appearances made more sense than anything else in this story..."

"Is that thing a Dark/Flying now, or still a Sylveon? Because I have my Gengar with me." Calem said.

An anime tick appeared on Genesect's head. "I think it would be a Dark/Flying/Fairy, which is actually FREAKING impossible!"

"What, did you replace that girly Clefable with it?"

"No." Calem sent out Gengar, which was almost instantly OHKO'd by YvelSylveon's Dark Pulse. "Aw..."

"Hey, cheer up, rival!" Serena said happily, ignoring the fact that the world around her was being destroyed. "At least you stopped its rampage for a sec- OH CRAP!"

(Joel Hodgson: They're on a collision course with wackiness!)

The Oblivion Wing hit both Trainers, vaporizing what was left of the tree they had hidden behind.

Genesect growled angrily. "Wouldn't they be turned to stone, or be dead?! This fic is barking mad! IT'S FRUSTRATES ME!"

Arceus' head lowered slightly. "At this point I've just given up on trying to take this story seriously..."

'Serena fainted! Calem also fainted!' The stupid unnecessary voice that always told Trainers what was going on, even though they already knew, would have said.

"See?"

The Paleozoic Pokémon nodded. "Yeah, I see. I think I might overheat due to the amount of frustrating..."

'Stupid awkward-moment-making Sylveon who happened to turn into Yveltal and kill everyone,' Serena thought, right before she fell to the ground, clutching her heart both because it was in pain and for dramatic effect.

"You know, if this was left for pain, I would be worried, but it's just stupid that it was used for effect! Argh!" Genesect threw his arms up again.

"Gah... ech... Bob the potato... nyah," were the brilliant last words that Calem said before he fainted alongside her. Suddenly, YvelSylveon paused. He landed on what was left of a tree, and looked back to his near-dead Trainer.

Arceus began mimicking Sylveon's voice again. "What's her deal? I just nearly killed her, that's all."

She was on a grassy part of the ground, where some sun was shining, and it all looked rather peaceful. YvelSylveon devolved back into Mega Sylveon, and then back to normal Sylveon. He used the last of his wings to land beside Serena, and nudged her with his nose.

"When did Sylveon become a Digmon is what I'm wondering," Arceus' eyes narrowed slightly.

"A better question would be when did this story start making sense?"

He prepared the move she had just recently taught him from the TM she had gotten from Valerie, and used it on everything around him. Slowly, the forest came to life, like it was revived from Xerneas itself, and Serena woke up with a groan.

"Nymphia? Er, Sylveon?" she said, blushing at her unnecessary use of his Japanese name.

"Why on earth would Serena call Sylveon by it's Japanese name despite speaking English and already know the correct name for it?!" Genesect took a deep breath. "You know what, I'm not asking any more!"

"I'm convinced this story has turned into a parody of itself..." The Dual Type nodded in agreement.

"Yes, yes it has..."

"Syl!" he jumped onto her stomach, and slid onto her lap as she sat up.

"Calem, wake up..." she said softly, shaking him. "Wake up, I said..." she hit him lightly. "WAKE YOUR STUPID FACE UP!"

"Gah, what? What was that for?"

"Laughs," Arceus murmured while Genesect chuckled.

"Yeah, that was TOTALLY funny!"

"For being stupid!" she turned up her nose at him, and Sylveon batted her face playfully. She sent out her Crobat, and Sylveon hid behind Calem.

"Let's hope that Pansomething don't re-appear." Genesect frowned. "Speaking of which, did they disappear?"

"Well, if they didn't, they'll wish they did when the got the chance."

"Fear of Poison types... I knew it." Sylveon stepped out nervously when she recalled Crobat.

A faint, non-existent, smile came onto Arceus' face. "Random Crobat appearance... Now where have I seen that before?"

Genesect's face brightened. "Ah, you must be referring to Intoxiquer!"

Intoxiquer the Crobat suddenly flew into the room. "NO SHIP, SHERLOCK!"

The Bat Pokémon was about to fly out of the room before a sixteen ton weight suddenly appeared from nowhere and landed in its path.

"Well, now what?" Serena asked Calem. He took her hand and led her back to Vaniville, despite repeated 'Let go of me!', 'I can do it myself!' and 'There's no convincing you, is there, rival?'. Sylveon ran the other way, having seen something that he knew could wreak havoc on the world, or at least the forest, if he was left alone with it. He was, thanks to Calem's stupidity.

Sylveon had just located a second cupcake.

Rinse and repeat.

"And so, the cycle of Pan-bashing begins anew," the Normal Type said sagely.

"More hate for the Panthings, then? Great! At least the story has ended!" Genesect cheered.

Arceus nodded. "That it has. So, what is your opinion on it?"

"To be honest, this fic gives me a headache. I have no clue what's going and it hardly explains anything! It's like the author just randomly came up with this on the spot to achieve some kind of comedic effect! As far as I'm aware of, this is NOT funny! It's just one random thing after another with no build up at all! The only thing that I did find funny is the Pan-jokes, but it lost the comedic effect very quickly as soon as it came into the story! The thing that Sylveon Mega-evolving then evolving in Yveltal really confused me! IT MAKES NO SENSE AT ALL!"

Arceus remained rather passive during the Angry Bug's outburst. "That it does. For all intents and purposes, this is a crack-fic at its purest form. As a result, it would be detrimental to expect anything else from it. So, to that end, it does indeed fulfill its purpose, and if you look at it from a certain angle, fulfills it well. It's also well written from a grammatical standpoint, save a few intentional misspellings."

The Alpha Pokémon nodded. "Yes, this story might not make any sense whatsoever, promising to send you on a sugar high that could rival Sylveon's, but at least it accomplishes what it sets out to do."

"Yeah...I got to agree, it is well-written. It's certainly a crack fic, so maybe I shouldn't have gone on that rant..." Genesect's contemplative visage returned to normal. "But, one thing is for sure, it did drive me a little mad."

"And us all. Regardless-" Arceus was suddenly cut off before he vanished into thin air. Genesect just stared at the space the Legendary had been hovering over in shock, while the screen slowly faded to black, before being replaced with a memorial photo.

In loving memory of Pan-whatever-it-was: 2013 - 2015

Arceus blinked, stupefied, quickly taking stock of his surroundings, before staring down silently in shock at the small army of assorted people chatting idly in his home.

Palkia glanced over his shoulder nervously and snapped his fingers, causing the twenty something humans to vanish back into thin air and Arceus to turn around. Mew smiled sheepishly, eyes closed in slight fear, Palkia waved awkwardly after hastily mending the rift behind him, and Arceus only sighed and shook his head before floating away.

"I'm getting to old for this..."

The End

Special Thanks:

DragonNiro

Credits:

Spinal Tap

Taxi Driver

Steven Universe

Seinfeld: The Sniffing Accountant

Mystery Science Theater 3000