"Well, Mew," the Pokémon in question looked up from her breakfast assorted chocolates at Arceus' absentminded comment. "I suppose it's time that I got back into the swing of things."

"You mean reviewing stories about a side game almost everyone's forgotten about by now?" the Psychic Type commented dryly after swallowing. The Alpha rolled his eyes.

"If only you would take after me in other respects..." Arceus muttered before clearing his throat. "But yes, I think it's high-time to review another Conquest fic. And I believe I've found a little gem that deserves more attention than it gets."

Mew blinked and looked up from behind her bowl. "You're reviewing that fic? I thought you weren't going to do another multi-chapter review until Rising S-"

"I'm not that shameless, Mew," Arceus retorted, eyes narrowing before the Alpha let out a non-existent breath. "No, I mean another fic entirely."

The Normal Type's head turned to the wall. "Shocking, I know."

Mew waved jovially in the background while Arceus turned back to the matter at hand. "Regardless, this is Sweet Song."

Arceus the Critic

"Sweet Song" by Fortune Maiden

Sweet Song

By: Fortune Maiden

"I'm sick of being USELESS!"

"Before we get into the review I might as well give a little bit of background on this," Arceus' eyes drifted down from his computer to Mew. "Given this is from a game nobody remembers."

The Psychic Type smiled sheepishly while Arceus cleared his throat. "In Pokémon Conquest, warriors play a larger role than trainers do in the main games; mainly, what separates them in that respect and emphasizes the uniqueness of their ability to link with Pokémon are their abilities. Abilities are bonuses that warriors can activate once every battle that strengthen your Pokémon and can often turn the tide - Rank II Warlords all get unique abilities. Oichi's base ability is Sweet Song; shown in both the games and magna as being able to heal and soothe those who hear it."

"Good work everybody," I said proudly, "Yaksha is ours!"

"It sure is, whoever you are," Arceus commented cheerfully.

At my announcement, a roar of cheer erupted from the warriors and Pokémon alike, though it was a fairly subdued cheer, as fatigue reigned over everyone. The battle had been long and difficult. Kotaro's army had put up a better fight than we'd anticipated—not only was his army's strength a challenge, but his illusions and the tricks of the battlefield had caught us all unaware. It was nothing short of a miracle that we'd—

No. What a horrible thing to even consider. We'd won because of our strength and our bonds with our partners.

"So... sheer power?" Mew commented.

Arceus rolled his eyes. "Yes, no tactics or strategy here folks, just friendship. We're the good guys, after all."

The period after a battle was always the most difficult. New recruits had to be screened, defenses had to be fortified, the geopolitical climate had to be learned… but most importantly, injuries had to be tended to.

We set up an infirmary on the newly acquired castle's ground floor, and after leaving Vaporeon in the safe hands of the medic, I began to make my rounds; thanking each and every warrior that had fought alongside me and checking up on their Pokémon as well. Even though the army kept growing, and I had plenty of aides to handle these kinds of tasks (aides the other Warlords insisted I use), this was one thing I always felt I had to do.

"Yes, I is quite clearly noble and I will be the one to unify Ransei," Mew crossed her arms at the Alpha's remake.

"I don't know Arcy, but I think I might be just a bit too trusting. I mean, I think I is pretty vulnerable running around in a castle I doesn't know much about that I recently took from a bunch of ninja who aren't afraid to use dirty tricks."

"I think you might be overthinking I, Mew," came Arceus reply.

"I... I dunno."

In the beginning,

"I-" Arceus was cut off by Mew hitting the back of his head with the usual rubber Torchic. The Alpha just sighed.

it had just been me and Oichi in little old Aurora. Now we were unironically nicknamed the Ransei Liberation Army, and warriors actually wanted to join our ranks, even knowing whom we were up against. Between their faith and Vaporeon, I almost felt like I could defeat Nobunaga someday.

Mew produced a trombone and started playing the Imperial March, only for the Normal Type to bonk her on the head. "He's not here yet."

As I walked through the rooms, I realized I wasn't the only one visiting the infirm. On the other end of the hall, I saw Oichi standing around, chatting with some of the warriors. She had a small smile on her face, making me relax a little. If Oichi was smiling once again, it meant Jigglypuff's injuries weren't too serious, after all.

"Ichi," I called to her.

"Ichi?" Mew wondered, scratching one of her ears.

"A term of endearment," Arceus clarified. "The O was historically an honorific."

"And we'd know that, how?" Mew retorted, crossing her arms. "Besides, this is the Pokémon world, not-"

The Normal Type sighed. "Let's not go around making mountains out of molehills, Mew."

The New Species Pokémon looked at Arceus like he had suddenly sprouted a second head.

She looked up, and in that moment my tension returned. Though she still wore a smile, her eyes were distant, and looked like they could spill tears at any moment.

There was an unspoken rule about never showing weakness in front of the army, so in a casual friendly voice, I told her, "I was looking for you just now. We were about to have a meeting."

"Meeting" was a nice vague word that no one ever questioned, so it became our code word for "Let's talk in private" (when there was an actual meeting, however, we would just be more specific about it). Oichi nodded in understanding.

"Of course, my Lady," her voice betrayed no emotion. Not even when she first spoke after we found an empty room. "How may I be of service?"

"Get me a soda pop and a caramello!" Arceus just hung his head at Mew's comment.

"You don't need to be so formal when it's just us," I chided her

(Masamune: Imbecile!)

"You just had to do that one, didn't you?" Mew asked, arms crossed. Arceus just made a motion akin to shrugging.

playfully. Then in a quieter tone, I asked, "Are you alright?"

"Yes, everything is just fine," again, the hollow tone, "Jigglypuff just needs to rest a little, and then she'll be good as new."

"That's good to hear, but… I wasn't asking about Jigglypuff. I was asking about you."

"I'm fine, my Lady," Oichi insisted, "I'm just a little tired."

"I mean, watching Jigglypuff fight is downright exhausting," Mew moaned out.

Then you should get some rest, was the response that immediately came to my lips, but I held off saying it, knowing that Oichi would take advantage and excuse herself.

This wasn't the first time I'd seen her with that far-off expression. Ever since we learned who she really was

Arceus held out one of his hooves and narrowed his eyes. "Oichi... I am your brother."

"NOOO!" Mew cried out.

—even though it changed nothing—she wore it more often. I could tell the battles had been taking their toll on her. Oichi hated fighting, yet she and Jigglypuff were always at my side on the battlefield.

The battles coming up would only be worse for her, I knew.

So far we'd only fought people she knew in passing, but soon she would have to face her family

"Yes, all one of them," Arceus deadpanned. "Who, I might add, Oichi is not exactly on the best terms with."

and people. I wondered, would she even be able to smile then?

No. No matter what, I couldn't bear to lose Oichi's smile.

"Ichi," I said gently, "Maybe you should take a break."

"My Lady?"

"From the battles, I mean." Her eyes widened.

"No, I couldn't!"

"Ichi, it's alright," I assured her, "You don't have to force yourself."

"Nobunaga is not as forgiving as I am," Arceus replied in the deepest voice he could muster. Mew picked her trombone back up.

"No, please—

"It'll be a load of my mind too," I said with a smile, "I worry about you and Jigglypuff out there."

I wanted to be reassuring. I wanted to tell her that she was my biggest support and that she didn't need to fight to prove herself.

Evidently, I chose the wrong wording.

Oichi was a strong young woman—certainly stronger than me. She always appeared so calm and dignified, so I was nothing short of alarmed when she suddenly fell to her knees. She wasn't crying; but she was shaking.

"I'm sorry. I'm so, so, sorry!"

"This apology brought to you by Soap Opera vision," the Alpha commented dryly. "We now return to Days of Our Conquest."

"Ichi? What's wrong?"

"I should have known," she said quietly,

"We'd never get a sequel, we were doomed from the start..." Arceus cried out in Oichi's voice, and proceeded to overdramatically bury his face in his desk.

"I was no good here too. You've been so kind to me and all I did was cause you undue worry."

"No," I knelt down beside her, "No, of course not! I-I didn't mean it like that!"

"Please, let me fight alongside you."

"But—

"You've already been doing it for the past ten kingdoms," the Normal Type commented, non-existent eyebrow raised.

"Please," Oichi's eyes threatened tears, "I'm sick of being USELESS!"

I had never heard her raise her voice before. Or speak in such a bitter tone.

"You're not—

"Please, don't say it," she said. I closed my mouth. She was right. Saying such a thing now would ring hollow, no matter how much I meant it. I waited for her to proceed.

"I'm not a very good fighter, I know that," Oichi said, "I feel I've learned a lot training under you and the other Warlords, but I'm still leagues away from standing on even footing with any of you; let alone my brother. Every time we go to battle, I just get in everyone's way, I know that. As a general, you have every right to dismiss me, I understand. But please… let me fight. I have no worth as a hostage. If I can't fight, I'm of no use to you at—

"Stop that." I couldn't bear to hear anymore. Oichi bit her lip obediently, bowing her head low. Even though I always told her that there was no need for formality between us… even though she had been my first ally, and still remained the foremost person at my side… even though I arrogantly called myself her friend, I never once stood at her side.

"Which is why I've been checking on her wellbeing the entire story?" Arceus droned off, glancing back over to Mew. The New Species Pokémon shrugged.

Without thinking, I pulled her into a tight hug. It was inappropriate and selfish of me, but I could think of nothing else.

"You're not useless," I told her firmly, "Never, ever say that again."

"My Lady…"

"I need you, Ichi. If not for you, I would never have even thought about venturing out of Aurora like this. We would never have gotten so far."

"You don't mean that," Oichi whispered, "Jigglypuff and I have been defeated in nearly every battle we fought."

"I do," I said, "Who in this army hasn't been defeated at some point? That doesn't matter. You're not useless. I can't even think of continuing on without you."

Oichi sighed softly. "My Lady, I am truly grateful for the sentiment," she shook her head, "But a decoration, no matter how uplifting, is still nothing more than a decoration. It has no practical use."

"Morale boosting is practical," I countered, "But you are not a decoration. You are a person, and your contribution to this army goes far beyond standing at my side and charging into battle."

"How?"

There were many ways I could have answered. Oichi's importance to me went beyond words. But for some reason, the words that spilled out of my lips were, "Your... song… for example."

"My song?"

"You know, the one that always seems to serve as a MacGuffin whenever you need to calm possessed people, weaken evil kings or defeat insane Dragon-Gods," Arceus shook his head.

"Wrong game, Mew."

"That song you and Jigglypuff sometimes sing," I explained, "It's such a sweet song. Whenever Vaporeon and I hear it—whenever anyone hears it—I feel our strength returning."

"My Lady, it's still nothing more than—

"That song has saved us so many times," I cut her off, "So many times, I thought it was over; the battle was lost, but then I heard your voice, and I knew I could continue the fight. That song rejuvenates Warrior and Pokémon alike. And no one but you can sing it. You're not useless, Ichi. We wouldn't be here now if not for you."

Oichi stayed quiet and still for a while. Then, I felt her arms wrap around me and her face press into my shoulder. "Thank you," she whispered and then after a hesitant pause whispered my name, which I still longed for her to use freely.

When we broke apart and I looked into her eyes. They still glistened with tears, but her smile was genuine and if they spilled now, they would be tears of joy.

"My Lady," she said, "Once Jigglypuff has rested a little more, would you like us to sing for you and Vaporeon?"

I smiled and stood up. "I would like that very much," I extended my hand to her.

"And that's it," Arceus commented neutrally. "So what's my Judgement?"

The Alpha glanced upwards, letting out a prolonged 'hm'.

"It's a good oneshot. Sure, it's confusing at parts and can get a bit over-dramatic, but it conveys the characters feelings and emotions well, and Oichi is in character at that. This is, at its heart, simple friendship, and the format of the story works well for that; it's simply the Heroine trying to reassure Oichi she's not worthless, which is something of a self-fulfilling prophecy gamewise," the Legendary's eyes glanced to the side. "And quite frankly, the Conquest fandom was in need of a quality friendship story. The majority of the stories you'll find in that now mostly-defunct fandom are either aborted attempts to novelize the main story, half-baked romances, or a combination of both. Most of the grammar present is also bad enough to burn out your eyes if you look long enough."

"So... Fanfiction in general, then?" Mew commented. Arceus shrugged.

"Perhaps, but as Conquest was already a small fandom to begin with, the pool of good stories is even smaller than most. The main reason was that back in 2012 and early 2013, the Pokémon Conquest fandom was just starting off, and was saturated with anime-obsessed pre-teen fangirls with the attention span of a Pachirisu."

"Even him?" Mew asked quietly, floating a little closer to Arceus for safety. The Alpha Pokémon just let out a sigh.

"More or less, but that's beside the point. For its negligible flaws, Sweet Song is still an enjoyable, if not neglected oneshot, for an enjoyable if not neglected spinoff."

"Speaking of spinoffs, Arcy," the Pokémon in question looked up, ears perking up at the reminder.

"Ah, yes, I better get to it. Thank you, Mew," and with that and a flash of golden light, the Alpha was gone. Mew turned back to the computer.

"Well, I guess we'll see you in the next editorial!" she said, waving before teleporting away herself.

The End

Credits:

Pokémon Conquest

Myster Science Theater 3000: The Pumaman

Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back

Star Wars: Episode VI - Return of the Jedi

Days of Our Lives

Fire Emblem Fates