"This week on Aura Wars: The Phantom Plot," Arceus grumbled as Hideyoshi opened the door and ushered the trio inside. Mew just blinked at the sight in front of them.
"Does the room look any different to you, Arcy?"
Given that the three of them might as well had somehow just walked into a movie theater, Arceus felt the question was a little redundant.
"Let's just get this over with, Mew," the Alpha grumbled, using his powers to morph a line of chairs into a seat better suited for his dimensions.
"Ack, you're no fun anymore," Mew and Jack shot back simultaneously, the latter blinking self-consciously as he sat at the end of the row while the former materialized a bucket of popcorn into her paws. Arceus sighed as the projector screen hanging above them flickered to life and proudly displayed 'Chapter 26' after a four second countdown.
Several days had passed since Jack and Nova left Axiom. Their journey north was progressing at a steady pace. It was slowly getting ever so slightly colder, but it was nothing the duo couldn't handle.
"They had to pack the bags, then they had to put them in the truck. Then they had to drive to the airport..." Arceus began to drone on before low growling from both sides cut him off.
Nova's fur kept her warm enough while Jack barely felt the cold at all, mostly because of his robes which somehow seemed to radiate warmth when it was cold out.
"Did we mention he has a Lucario and can use Pokémon moves?" Mew chirped. Arceus sighed.
"Anyways, they stop and set up camp for the night."
Nova had fished out her nearly completed wooden carving, which had taken the unmistakable form of a Lucario. The only parts that remained to be carved were the lower legs. She formed a knife of solid aura as she started carving away at the remaining wood.
Watching her carve, Jack was pondered how amazing it must be to create something that beautiful from a simple block of wood. To watch it slowly take shape in your hands, or paws in Nova's case. All of a sudden, he had an irrepressible urge to try it himself.
Driven by his newfound desire to create, Jack climbed a nearby tree and began looking for a suitable-looking branch.
"The scene brought to you by HGTV; when you think of sidelining an action/adventure story into a slice-of-life fic, think HGTV," the Normal Type deadpanned before hanging his head. "Anyways, the scene that follows is really just an excuse for gratuitous punning between Jack and Nova before we finally end up in some backstory."
There were a few moments of silence, but then Jack glanced back over at Nova. There was a question he'd wanted to ask her for a while now, but he wasn't sure if she'd want to answer it. Then again, it was something that would probably be useful to know if he ended up squaring off against that Lucario again.
"Hey Nova," he said. "Do you mind if I ask you something?"
"Sure, I guess so," Nova stated, catching the more serious tone in his voice.
Jack flipped back upright so he was sitting on the branch instead of hanging from it.
"I was just wondering, and I never actually asked before," he continued. "You don't have to answer if you don't want to, but… why did Lucario join Alpha in the first place? From what you've told me about him, I can't imagine him allowing them to blackmail him or something like that."
Nova listened to Jack's question before letting her legs straighten out, allowing her to fall to the ground. She did a graceful flip and landed on her hind paws.
"To be honest… I am not entirely sure, but I do have a speculation…" Nova replied in a somber tone.
"After Lucario and the Mystery of Mew he couldn't get work, so he had to take a temp job with Alpha to make rent," the Psychic Type commented through her popcorn.
"Do you want to tell me?" Jack asked, hopping down from the tree as well. "Or is it… private?"
"No, it's not, and I don't mind telling you," Nova started. "It is bit of a story as to what happened, so I hope you don't mind."
"And this is the part of the story called 'He had to ask'..." Arceus sighed out. "Anyways, to sum up the ensuing dialogue, Nova's husbando is being mind-controlled by Alpha, and Jack pledges to help her out."
"You feel that, right?" Nova asked, her ears perking up as she turned her head towards the aura signature.
"Yeah," Jack replied, his eyes also intently pointed north. "Unless I'm mistaken, which I very rarely am, we have a hybrid incoming. I think it's that weird Gallade we fought at the fort."
"Differently minded," Mew drawled.
"I agree," Nova said, her expression turning more steeled as she closed her eyes and concentrated. "He isn't moving very fast…"
Jack smirked. "Ambush?"
Nova opened her eyes and once again nodded her head. "He cannot sense me. I will go forward and get around him while you wait here for him," she suggested.
"Sounds like a plan," Jack replied. "Just so you know though, I have no intention of letting you have all the fun. If things go south, I'll be there in the blink of an eye."
"Alright," Nova stated before running up to one of the trees and expertly climbing it before moving noiselessly through the branches.
To Jack's credit he waited a good minute at least. When he finally sensed that Nova had taken up her position, he waited another several seconds to make sure she hadn't been spotted. He didn't sense anyone else other than Nova and the hybrid, but he was hesitant to assume that meant there wasn't anyone. Eventually though when Nova didn't engage the enemy, Jack took it as an invitation to create a diversion.
In the blink of an eye he teleported a few meters in front of the hybrid, his arms crackling with voltage in anticipation of a fight. However the sight that met his eyes stopped him in his tracks, and sent a stab of doubt into his mind.
The hybrid, Damocles if Jack remembered correctly, had a red-stained cloth wrapped around his left shoulder, and the rest of him was covered in dirt and grime. His overall appearance seemed ragged, like he hadn't rested or stopped in several days, and his steps were uneven. As much as Jack wanted to feed the hybrid a lightning-flavoured knuckle sandwich, he couldn't quite bring himself to attack. He noted Nova's position, hidden amongst the trees as she continued to silently observe the hybrid, and decided to let the situation play out as it would.
"It's about time…" Damocles muttered,
"For the angel of death! I've been dying here for the past hour and all he could send was you!?" Mew cried out.
Jack furrowed his brow. "You seem awfully confident for someone who looks like they just crawled out from under a rockslide…"
Damocles didn't respond at once, instead staring down at Jack for a few seconds. "My confidence is well founded, boy, as you have yet to attack me."
(Owain: Owain needs no aid!)
"I'm not sure I even have to," Jack replied, still struggling with himself as to what to do.
"Try," Arceus thundered flatly.
"You are most likely correct…" Damocles sighed,
"Well, you don't need me here, so I'm going to die over there," Mew yawned out.
With that Jack came to an executive decision. Sparks stopped arcing off his arms and he folded them across his chest. He couldn't attack someone in Damocles' condition, especially if they weren't even being hostile. That and, as Jack looked closer at Damocles, he noticed that the hybrid's aura lacked both the malice and apathy that he'd noticed when they fought last time. In its place the white and gold Gallade's aura was full of guilt, and yet he also seemed almost… at peace. Jack was thoroughly confused at this point, but he wasn't going to let it show until he got some answers.
"You look like a stiff breeze might blow you over," Jack asked, feigning indifference.
"Philistine," Mew spat out.
"What happened to you, if I might ask?"
Damocles took in a deep breath of air as he closed his eyes. "I took the advice of someone I once swore to kill…"
One of Jack's eyebrows shot up quizzically. "Just so you know, I'm not overly fond of cryptic comments…"
(Kreia: Maybe, maybe not. We shall see.)
Damocles let out a short, painful laugh at Jack's words. "Well, I would say that is quite the misfortune for you. Although, I suppose this is neither the time nor place for them… As to answer your question, I stole some very valuable information from Alpha."
"He stole the script to Billy Madison 2," Jack's comment got a snigger out of Mew.
Jack's eyebrows sank back down again. "Did you now… And why would you do something like that?"
"I suppose that it was because I was tired of being their slave, being seen solely as a weapon for them to use," Damocles started. "Perhaps it was also because that I was… well, let's just say I no longer have an appetite for killing at their orders…"
"I kill for fun now, Meatbag," Arceus droned.
"And why should I trust you? How do I know you're not just the bait in some elaborate trap?" he asked pointedly, figuring he'd better keep up the facade of suspicion for a while longer..
"You don't," Damocles answered before he once again closed his eyes. "Still, I have spent the better part of a week trying to find you. I figured you would come up this way as it is the easiest way to Alpha's main base. A location I have memorized along with every other secret base they have in the region."
"Awfully tantalizing," Jack commented.
"Damocles, are you trying to seduce me?" the response Mew got was a rubber torchic over the head.
"But too easy to fake. If you want me to take your word, you'll have to give me something… more."
"And I thought you said you weren't fond of cryptic comments," Damocles said with a painful chuckle.
Jack shrugged. "I'm not fond of having to decipher them. I have no qualms with using them myself.
"I like to toy with my victims before breaking them," it was Arceus' turn to get hit.
"Too far," Mew muttered. Arceus just blinked self-consciously.
"Yes, well, Damocles is surprisingly complaint - likely from a combination of blood loss and Jack's irresistible charm - and offers up information on the Lucario, Alpha's base, and Jack's team before finally asking for some medical assistance. Jack easily stitches up his wound by manipulating Damocles' midichlorians."
"Just hang on a little moment longer," Jack said, putting both his hands on Damocles' back. "There's just a few more things I want to patch up."
Damocles silently nodded and leaned forwards ever so slightly as to give Jack a better angle. Jack couldn't help but tear up a little as the wounds on Damocles' back reminded him of washing Lucy's fur right after he won her from Paul. As he started siphoning his aura into Damocles' many smaller wounds, Jack sighed.
"Just so you know," Jack told him quietly, "I believe you, and I've decided to trust you."
"And I suppose this should be the moment I should thank you," Damocles responded.
"Pretty much," Jack replied, still focusing on his work. "Although depending on how useful the information you gave us turns out to be, I might be the one who has to thank you."
"Pheh, my entire life has been a lie.
"First Wally drops me in favor of a Gardevoir, then I get rejected for Fire Emblem and Kid Icarus, then someone tells me the Renaissance Fair isn't an accurate portrayal of medieval life, and then I learn that Tolkien was just fiction!"
Don't thank me for attempting to right my many wrongs," Damocles countered with a certain amount of harshness in his voice, though Jack didn't think it was directed at him.
After a moment of silence Jack stopped the flow of aura and fell backwards into a sitting position, pulling his legs up in front of him. He was thoroughly exhausted, having siphoned off a significant amount of his aura. Not a dangerous amount, but enough to make him really, really tired. He couldn't stop his shoulders from sagging, or his hands from shaking.
"Alright, all done," he said, fatigue apparent in his voice as he wiped a film of sweat from his brow.
Damocles was silent for a moment before he stood up and stretched out some. His previously sore and weak muscles having been given a new revival. He turned around and looked at the boy who had healed him. His face was a mix of emotions, but the most prominent was confusion.
"I am no aura expert, but I am well enough informed to know that you did more than was needed," Damocles said before pausing for a moment. "Why?"
Jack leaned back further, using his arms to support him as he stared up at the evening sky ablaze with the light of the setting sun.
"Why?" he thought to himself with a small chuckle.
"You were hurt, and I'm a healer," Jack said in barely more than a whisper. "Do I need a reason to do the right thing?"
"Unless if it's the Sinnoh League," Arceus deadpanned.
"All right, I get it!" the lawyer cried out. Mew just sighed.
Before he could utter another word, Jack's arms collapsed under him and he fell backwards onto the grass. He was unconscious before his head hit the ground.
"It's been a hard day's night-" the New Species Pokémon sang before a glare from the Alpha cut her off.
"Like this, Sensei?" Jack asked, using his aura to heal the broken wing of a young falcon.
"Yes, that is excellent young Storm," said the elderly monk, Jack's instructor in the healing arts.
"Psychedelic, man..." Mew drawled, a kernel of popcorn held between her teeth. Arceus could only bring himself to sigh.
"If it isn't Samurai Jack it's Xiaolin Showdown..."
"Your skills have improved remarkably. Truly impressive. Keep practicing like this, and you could well be a master healer one day."
Jack nodded gratefully. "Thank you Sensei."
"But I'd rather become God of the New World," Arceus drawled in Jack's voice.
"One more thing, young Storm," the monk added.
"I'm just been making this up as I go; bite me!" Mew said, breaking out in a cackle even amidst Arceus and Jack's glares.
"I know of your heritage, and I know full well the path your tread. If you will, allow an old man to impart to you some hard-learned wisdom."
"Of course, anything you say I will listen," Jack replied respectfully; the man before him was probably one of the wisest people he'd ever meet.
"Funny how we haven't, huh?" the Normal Type mused. "Anyways, Jack gets a quick run-through of one of the main archetypes of any MMO and gets woken up just in time for dinner. Damocles then tells the location of all Alpha's bases - which Jack takes down with the precision of an expert cartographer, and never once thinks about passing it onto Ford, because that would be too easy - and then offers an ultimatum to Dionysius."
"Well, what's it going to be. Are you coming with us?"
"I will assist you," Damocles said as he stood up.
"Filthy peasant," Mew spat, followed with a derisive snort.
"Anyways, they head out, and Damocles takes the time to go over the other hybrids, which sound suspiciously like a fourteen year-old kid's wishlist for OCs in Pokken:"
"Very well," Damocles said as he thought back to his former comrades. "There are three others, a Greninja, Charizard, and Serperior. The Greninja, or Nightshade, is the most dangerous of the three. She was hybridized with a Kecleon and can flawlessly blend in with her surroundings. However, she shouldn't be too much of a challenge for you or your fox friend to located with aura. Her dark typing prevented me from being able to fight her effectively. Then there is Falkor, a Charizard mixed with a machamp. He has blue skin and his raw strength is unmatched. If I were you, keep him at range, even then he is still very dangerous. While he isn't the brightest of fighters, he is by no means dull either." Damocles paused for a moment, seemingly trying to organise his thoughts. "The last one is… well she is quite weird even by my standards."
Jack snorted with barely restrained laughter.
Damocles glared at Jack before continuing, "She is a Serperior hybridized with a Seviper. Her speed is quite remarkable in all regards. I honestly cannot tell you much about her as she always kept to herself."
Jack nodded. "I see… So out of all three the only one I can see being a real problem is the Serperior. You really can't tell me anything more about her?"
"No, I cannot. As I said, she was a recluse," Damocles responded.
"She didn't even go on missions!"
"Oh well then," Jack sighed. "You've already given us more information than I ever would've hoped for. Not to mention that I didn't have to pry it out of your head, which is nice."
"Yes… I suppose it is," Damocles muttered.
"You two mind keeping up?" Nova called out from ahead, still visible and audibly ticked at the recent addition to their group.
Jack performed a beautiful military salute. "Yes ma'am! Right away ma'am!"
Damocles shook his head and sighed before picking up his pace ever so slightly.
"This is going to be a long trip…"
"I have a bad feeling about this..." Mew muttered. Arceus resisted the urge to groan.
"Well, onto chapter twenty-seven - The Desolation of Smaug: Part One."
"So, that's Alpha's central base," Jack muttered as the trio looked down at the base from a nearby mountain.
"Does the gang know they're going into the Forbidden Zone?!" Mew shouted. Arceus and Jack groaned simultaneously.
"The trio begins their plan with Dooku going off on his own to distract Alpha by cutting his way into their base with a Sacred Sw-" the Alpha hung his head with a sound that resembled a choked sob. He raised his gaze after a comforting pat on the side of his leg from Mew. "While Jack Atlas and Neo sneak into the Alpha base via Zoroark illusion with the goal of finding the R&D lab."
Finding a nearby stairwell, they made their way down two levels to the third sublevel. Glancing at a sign, Jack saw that they were still in the first section of the massive underground base.
"This is actually my reboot of Journey to the Center of the Earth," Jack commented, passing the popcorn back to Mew.
The pair slowed down as they saw several guard coming their way, each of them wearing black body armor and carrying an assault rifle.
"Here at Hydra we strive to dress our security division the snappiest we can," Arceus said, most of the earlier distress having left his voice.
"C'mon girls, let's give them a makeover they won't forget!" Mew exclaimed. If Arceus had a nose, he would have pinched it.
Jack and Nova squeezed against the side of the corridor as the squad ran past them towards the commotion that Damocles was causing on the upper levels. Every once in awhile, the walls and floor would reverberate from a massive explosion. Whatever the hybrid had chosen as his target, it was certainly proving to be a good distraction.
"That was close…" Nova said telepathically once the soldiers had passed.
"Kinda, yeah," Jack replied, trying not to betray his growing impatience. "I don't know about you, but being shot full of holes is not high on my list of things I want to do. Let's try to avoid any more soldiers. Side passages are our friends."
"This week on Castle Wolfenstein, we go behind enemy lines to bring you raw, unedited footage of narrow corridors," Mew said in a laughable attempt at a masculine voice.
"You don't have to tell me twice," Nova stated in agreement as she and Jack started forwards again. "Damocles said that these lower level hallways should be mostly empty once he starts his diversion."
Jack nodded. "Let's hope he's r..."
The two of them froze as an Alakazam round the corner in front of them along with a small patrol of four soldiers and one other Pokémon. Jack gritted his teeth as he realised their illusionary shield was now useless. He'd have to deal with the Alakazam before it could alert the soldiers to his presence.
Without so much as hesitating, Jack flung a mental spear at the unfortunate psychic-type just as it turned its head towards him. The Alakazam went stiff as it fought a brief, and hopeless, mental battle with Jack before falling limply to the ground, out cold. The soldiers soon met the same fate, crumpling to the ground like so many ragdolls. The final Pokémon however was a Bisharp, a dark-type who was unaffected by Jack's telepathic assault. Even worse, the Sword Blade Pokémon had quick reflexes and didn't hesitate to turn around and slam its fist into an alarm.
A split second too late, Jack materialized behind the Bisharp and grabbed its head in one hand. Sparks arced off his arm as he unleashed a powerful Thunderbolt point blank into the unfortunate Steel type, who then crumpled to the ground smoking slightly.
"You couldn't just electrocute them all at once?" Arceus said, eyes narrowing. "For that matter, did Zoroark - a Dark Type - have no effect on Alakazam's ability to detect them?"
Jack turned to Nova. "I think we should run."
"Because your illusory shield and Damocles' distraction is now somehow useless and there clearly aren't any other alarms going off in the base right now." Mew just shook her head.
"Don't think about it too much, Arcy."
It wasn't long before they encountered another patrol of guards, and this group was more than ready for the two of them. That is, as much as anyone could be ready for Jack. The boy took one look at the group, consisting of about a dozen soldiers and a handful of Pokémon, and growled. A deep, throaty, menacing growl that would have terrified him if he were in his right mind.
"Oh, now I know why they wear all black," Mew said, laughing, while Arceus groaned and Jack facepalmed.
Before the soldiers could so much as fire a shot, Jack waved his hand and a blast of auric energy tore down the hallway like a hurricane and sent the patrol crashing into the walls. When the tempest subsided not one of them was left standing.
"Darth Vader's got nothing on me," the lawyer said, donning a pair of aviators and giving a self assured nod.
Jack continued wordlessly down the corridor, his face twisted into a fierce scowl of frustration. No, he knew it was more than mere frustration. He could feel anger bubbling up inside him, almost ready to explode after being kept bottled up for so long. Like a volcano about to erupt, the white-hot rage that had been flowing beneath the surface of his emotions was starting to leak out through the cracks. He could feel it even making his aura itself unstable and volatile, but he didn't care. All this time he'd forced himself to hide his true emotions for Nova's sake, but now he was so close! He refused to let anything stand in his way.
"I'll go massacre the Separatist Council then check back up on Padme, and then maybe I'll break for a light lunch..." Arceus muttered in Jack's voice.
And so they continued on, Nova not even bothering to cloak Jack in her illusion any more.
"Because... Because they had their illusion up when the hallway of soldiers saw them?" Arceus shook his head. "Anyways, Jack continues to delve into the Dark Side of the Aura as he blasts his way through the base with Nova before getting to the R&D lab."
Rounding the final corner, they came to a long corridor that ended in a set of massive, metal doors. At the opposite end of the hallway from them were at least thirty soldiers and about eight Pokémon of various types.
Once again Jack didn't waste any time in responding to the threat. In the blink of an eye he had disappeared, and a split second later the enemy ranks were lit up like a fireworks display by powerful tendrils of crackling energy which leapt ferociously from one target to the next. The entire ordeal took less than two seconds, and it left the entire squad of soldiers and Pokémon on the ground smoking slightly.
Jack walked out from amidst the unconscious Alpha troops as if he'd just stopped to crush an ant under his foot.
"And turns Super Saiyan for a few seconds, but details. Jack literally rips his way into the Lab and pins, presumably, the head Scientist up against a wall.
The researcher glared down at Jack as he held him pinned against the wall. Apparently the man was either a complete fool, or had nerves of steel.
"Sorry pal, but Zinnia's already been here today. Nothing scares me now," Arceus said in a dry, throaty voice.
"Well?" The alpha scientist said, staring down at his two attackers. "I assume you didn't come here to just pin me against a wall."
"The real hero of the story, ladies and gentlemen," Mew commented with a golf clap.
"No," Jack replied, allowing a bit of a growl to seep into his tone. "We came here for answers, and you're going to give them to us. I'm looking for a device that should have been brought here about a month ago from the Sinnoh region. A portable Pokémon storage system. Know anything about it?"
"Everything in this base is the sole property of Alpha," the scientist replied indignantly.
"If I cared about that, do you think I'd be here?" Jack almost snarled. "What I want to know is what happened to the Pokémon who were inside that device."
(Darth Vader: And I want them alive!)
The researcher looked down at Jack with a genuine look of confusion on his face. He was silent for a few moments as he tried to think of a proper response.
"I would answer him sooner than later," Nova said, "He is not in a very good mood right now."
For the sole purpose of emphasizing her words, Jack tightened his grip and raised the researcher a few inches higher.
(Captain Antilles: This is a consular ship... We're on a diplomatic mission!)
"I know what you're talking about," he managed to croak out. "But there weren't any Pokémon in it when it arrived here."
Jack's expression hardened and his mouth twisted into a snarl, his anger starting to spiral out of control again. It was obviously a lie, it had to be a lie.
(Darth Vader: They must have hidden the plans in the escape pod!)
"Jack, calm down…" Nova interrupted him in a concerned tone, taking a few steps forward and putting a paw on his shoulder. "This is not like you… I know you can sense that he is telling the truth."
(Obi-Wan Kenobi: Trust your-)
"All right, that's enough Arcy..." Mew muttered. Jack nodded in agreement while the tips on Arceus' head drooped slightly.
"Well, after Jack searches through the scientist's thoughts, he finds out something that shakes him to his very core:"
The field report of the commando team that had brought the Pack to Alpha, the same soldiers who had assisted in ambushing him in the first place. The truth of his team's whereabouts was far more horrifying than anything his imagination could've cooked up. It was the bargain they'd struck when they agreed to join forces to take Jack down. The commandos had claimed their objective, the Pack, and Pokémon Hunter J had taken his friends.
"Yep;" Arceus said, gaze hardening. "This entire crossover is completely pointless. Well, at least Jack gets some very well written mourning scenes out of it - and frankly it would just be irreverent for me to try to make jokes out of them - before pushing away self-pity and remembering where he is. He then takes back his pack from an Alpha closet - because as Alpha went after it once they'll clearly never go after it again - and decides to devote the rest of his time here to helping Nova get Lucario back, who has defeated Damos with the help of the other hybrids. Jack and Nova then head off to face the Hybrids."
It didn't take them long to ascend the two levels and close in on the storage room. The two of them slowed down as they approached the doors.
"I can sense all three hybrids and Lucario in there," Jack remarked, "But I can't tell what they're doing. I doubt they're just standing around waiting for us though."
"Why wouldn't they though…
"It's a Pokémon convention for a group of four powerful people to do nothing but sit around in a room all day!" Mew exclaimed.
Arceus just made a motion akin to shrugging. "Regardless, more dialogue, and Jack charges headfirst into chapter twenty-eight. And, well..."
"So," he remarked. "Who's the next least intelligent of you?"
"I am!" Mew, Arceus and Jack all replied simultaneously, Arceus blinking self-consciously afterwards.
"It's both entirely entertaining and goes predictably well for Jack until he lets the power go to his head, and he starts hearing voices;"
'Sorry, that's all you get. Any more would be dangerous. We're already toeing the line as it is, I don't know how much more we can get away with. At any rate, this should be more than enough for now. If you still have the strength to use it…'
Jack felt energy course through his arms and crackle from his fingertips, but this time he didn't just let it go wherever it wanted. Without even thinking about what he was doing, as if he'd done it a hundred times and learned it off by heart, he kept the electricity concentrated and focused into a single stream.
(Robin: Time to tip the scales!)
"But, in a show of altruism, the battle in fact does not stay in Jack's favor for long," Arceus said mildly.
"I'm losing consciousness…" he thought to himself.
He knew that if he fell unconscious now, both he and Nova were dead. Damocles too. From his vantage point Jack could see the Gallade hybrid lying on the ground, having fainted from his injuries. Or worse...
Despair began to fill Jack's mind. Was this how it ended? Was this how he died, unable to protect his friends, old or new? He could barely find the energy to care. He could feel his mind slipping away.
"Help… Me…"
'You've gotten us into a proper mess this time, haven't you Jack. Look at you, no more than a shadow of the boy you once were. Just like me. We're just a pair of shadows you and I, and you've only just started to see the light again. I can't let you die of course. If you die, so do I. I know this is probably the most dangerous thing I could possibly do, but if I don't then we're already dead. I hope you'll forgive me. I promise to go easy on our body.'
Then everything went black.
"And apparently enters the Avatar State," the Normal Type grumbled, voice dropping along with his gaze. "And Aang-possessed Jack manages to escape getting skewered by Superior just in the nick of time."
He was floating in an empty void, surrounded by a thousand tiny point of light as if he were suspended in the night sky. A plane of existence where earthly concepts of space and time had no meaning. It could be entered from anywhere and anywhen, and left the same way. Once here, it took no more effort to travel a thousand miles than it did to go one inch. Going a hundred years into the future, or the past, was just as easy as going back one second after you left. All you had to know was where and when you wanted to end up. And, of course, you had to know that you could.
"And if you look to your left," Mew said into a microphone she had just conjured. "You'll see the Emperor of Mankind doing battle against the Gods of Chaos. And straight up ahead is a glimpse of TARDIS."
Arceus only sighed.
"Well, because having the very threat of death in a story about action is apparently too difficult to handle, Aang fixes Jack's body with Lady Palutena's blessing or the Force or some aura-powered Advil - or I don't know! - and takes the opportunity to give him some temporary plastic surgery too along with dental - because why bleedin' not? - and then rematerializes into the material plane as Kirito from Sword Art Online."
The moment he reappeared, the boy cloaked himself in an illusion that made him all but invisible. The element of surprise was one of his favourite weapons, and he prefered to use it whenever possible.
"Unlike Jack," he thought to himself. "The guy doesn't know the meaning of the word 'stealthy.'"
"That..." Arceus said, all force leaving his voice as the tips on his head drooped again. "That just makes no sense... Well, fortunately I've long ago given up on trying to make sense out of anything that happens here, since Vegeta saves Nova, breaks the mind control device on Lucario, and severely maims all three hybrids for whatever miserable lifespans they might be left with for now - as that's somehow better than a mercy kill, or leaving them in Alpha's care - then makes an offhand comment to Nova about how he's been behind most of Jack's mind-numbing OP abilities and-"
Arceus cut himself off with a violent blink at that, with Mew and Jack both scooting back in their seats from the Alpha as the oppressive silence carried on for a few more seconds than either felt comfortable with. Jack let out a very audible sigh of relief when Arceus just blinked again like nothing had happened. Mew suspected some other plane of existence had just been subject to his judgement.
"And as far as retcons go..." the Alpha began, facial features scrunching up into something that resembled the pattern of a large, grey Easter egg. "Meh," he concluded with something like a shrug.
"You wanted power?"
Who... who is that?
"Then I will show you power!"
(Chancellor Palpatine: Unlimited power!)
"Well, Jack wakes up just in time to find himself, Nova, Damocles and the Lucario escaping the Death Star right before it explodes - via miniaturized black hole that the Lucario created- AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
Mew and Jack both covered their ears as the whole courthouse started to shake before Arceus finally relented.
"It must have been him," he thought to himself, although he didn't consider it strange that he knew who the other boy was. In fact there were a lot of things that he didn't consider it strange to know. He didn't have time to think about that at the moment though, as he seemed to have landed face first in a snowbank.
As he attempted to pick himself up from the snow, there was an ear shattering crack that reverberated throughout the area. Lucario, Nova, and Jack all turned towards its source, the Alpha base. In the blink of an eye, a massive purple dome appeared and encased the entire mountain. Its swirling energy expanded further and further as the distortion in space advanced out from the base. The energy dome had started off massive in size, but now it was simply gigantic.
Then, as soon as it had appeared, the entire bubble of energy disappeared, along with everything that was inside it. All that was left of the Alpha base was a perfectly spherical hole in the ground, clashing starkly with the surrounding terrain.
"And that's that. Moving onto chapter twenty nine where Nova and the still unnamed Lucario take Jack and Damocles back to their home in a pocket dimension or something - apparently everyone in this story has a Portal Gun - to rest up. Some genuinely engaging talk about redemption follows - and I'm not so cruel as to try to make jokes out of that - with Jack and Damocles deciding to go camp elsewhere so Nova and Lucario can have some alone time. As Damocles is still injured, Jack builds a makeshift shelter for him to keep him dry during the impending storm. Next morning comes, Lucario and Nova have a discussion with presumably their neighbors, and then decide to take Jack's map to Ford and then help him against Hunter J. And that's really all there is to it. Onto chapter thirty, where the gang decides to get some lunch before going to meet Ford."
At the mention of food, both Lucario and Nova realized how hungry they were, having not eaten anything in quite a while.
"Finding some food does sound like a good idea…" Lucario muttered as he started walking to a nearby berry bush.
"Agreed," Nova said as she also started looking for some nearby food.
"You know," Jack deadpanned, "I'm surprised I didn't think of this earlier, but… couldn't we just pop down to the ocean and catch a few fish?"
"That is actually a really nice idea. I haven't had fish in a long time…" Nova replied, suddenly craving fish.
"She isn't going to accept anything less than fish now," Lucario said with a small laugh. "If we fail to deliver on that, she will hunt us down."
"And eat me instead no doubt," Jack shot back with a smirk. "Don't worry, I'm sure that between the three of us we'll be able to find something."
"Yeah; you!" Mew said, clapping her hands together with a small laugh. Arceus just shook his head, and said 'it's a shame'.
"Fishing is like two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner," Jack whispered quietly.
"Well then, let us depart," Lucario continued as a long purple blade grew out of his right wrist spike.
"It's just a flesh wound!" the Alpha cried out.
"Man, splinters in Saldara are nasty," Mew muttered.
He slashed through the air and, with a thunderous crack, a portal of swirling purple energy appeared.
"Race you there!" Jack exclaimed with an impish grin, before disappearing with a crackle of electricity.
Jack popped back into existence on a sandy stretch of coastline that extended for as far as the eye could see in either direction. He spotted Lucario's portal out of the corner of his eye, and immediately started feigning boredom as if he'd been waiting for hours. After all, what good was getting there first if he couldn't heckle them about it?
"I could make a snarky comment," Jack said with a smug grin as Nova and Lucario stepped out of the portal, "But it'd just be way too easy."
"Right…" Nova replied, rolling her eyes as she made her way over to where the ocean met the sands of the beach. She smiled when she felt the cool water wash over her hind paws. "New race to see who can catch the first fish?"
Jack shrugged. "I get the feeling it's not a fair match, but sure."
"Fishing; the only thing Jack can be beaten at," Arceus deadpanned.
Jack walked down into the water and closed his eyes, casting his mind out into the water in search of fish. He could feel Nova doing the same, although Lucario seemed to be hanging back for the time being. Obviously the hybrid Aura Pokémon knew his mate well enough that he wasn't even going to bother trying to win the fish race.
"In that case," Jack thought to himself, "I guess I'll just have to play dirty. But how…?"
Jack was snapped out of his thoughts by Nova's voice. "Got one!"
Jack turned to Nova in utter disbelief. The blue-furred Zoroark was holding out a ball of water held together by aura. Jack couldn't see inside very well, but it obviously contained Nova's fish.
"Avatar: The Last Waterbender."
"Are you kidding me, already?" Jack exclaimed. "I haven't even seen any yet. I think they're avoiding me…"
"If you don't believe me, take a look for yourself," Nova said before tossing the water filled aura sphere towards Jack.
"Hey, Skipper, look what I found!" Arceus cried out in a dopey voice.
As soon as he caught it, it exploded and showered him in seawater, much to Nova's amusement. Even Lucario smirked at the image of Jack, thoroughly surprised and soaking wet.
Jack stood still for a moment, a look of incomprehension on his face. Then he noticed something. There really was a fish swimming around Nova's legs, although she seemed to have let it go in favour of soaking Jack instead. A mischievous grin split Jack's face from ear to ear, and his eyes glowed golden. The game was on.
"So, you want to play that game do you?" he asked.
(Jigsaw: I want to play a game.)
Without any further warning, Jack flicked his finger and a jet of water shot out of the sea a few feet from Nova and hit her right in the face. Nova recoiled slightly from the slap of water across her snout. She glared at Jack before a smirk made its way across her muzzle.
"You are going to regret doing that," Nova replied as she playfully glared at Jack.
"I know I am," the Normal Type muttered.
"This isn't going to turn into another beach party scene, is it Arcy?"
"All bets are off Mew; we have a beach, we have a water fight and we have a slice-of-life chapter..."
"Actually," Jack shot back with a smirk, "I really don't think I am."
"Ah, but you have forgotten something, something important," Nova continued. "For I have a mate."
At the mention of Lucario, he threw the handful of marble sized aura spheres that he had charged. They landed in a scattered pattern around Jack before exploding and showering Jack in in more of the salty water.
"Nice try," Jack replied. "But I have a few tricks up my sleeves too."
"I stopped by Party City on the way over," the New Species Pokémon muttered dully.
Jack raised his arms, and four snake-like jets of water shot from the sea around him. Two spiraled towards Nova, the other two curved around to attack Lucario from either side. Nova formed two small aura spheres and threw them into the jets of water heading towards her. When they exploded, the water imploded in on itself and fell back to the ocean. Meanwhile, Lucario stood motionless with both of his blades extended. At the last possible second before the jets of water hit him, he slashed the blade upwards creating two portals. The two jets of water raced into the portals and out of two portals that had appeared on either side of Jack, though slightly offset.
A split second before the two returned jets of water hit him, Jack telekinetically shot himself up into the air as if a giant hand had given him a flick. While in midair Jack flipped head over heels once before plummeting back down. Then, just as his feet hit the water, Jack released a blast of aura into it. The water was pushed back away from Jack, leaving him standing on dry ground for a split second before it rushed back in. The disturbance raised a giant wave that towered over Nova and Lucario as it crashed down towards them.
"Kevin Reynolds called; he wants his Waterworld footage back," the only response Arceus could give to Mew's comment was an empty sigh.
The two Pokémon both reacted simultaneously, raising an aura shield around themselves as the wave raced towards them. When it hit, both of them felt their hind paws dig in against the wet sand underneath the water as the wave of water impacted their shields. Nova smirked she gave the tidal wave a push, sending some of it back where it came from.
Jack saw Nova's counterattack coming, but he feigned surprise as it washed over him up to his neck. There was something in the surge of water that he wanted. When the wave receded he was grinning widely. In his right hand was a fish about the size of his forearm, which he was holding by the tail. It was the one Nova had let go barely two minutes ago.
"Why thank you," Jack commented, mischievous glee dripping from his voice. "I've been trying to catch this guy for several minutes now. I guess this means I won our little wager, isn't that right?"
"Stop playing with your food, young man," Mew said through a scowl.
Nova's expression was priceless. She stood for a few seconds, staring in stunned silence at the fish in Jack's grasp, before letting out a short laugh.
"Some stories just don't know when to stop and ask for directions," Mew deadpanned.
"Clever," Arceus began in Nova's voice. "But we better get back to the plot now," the Alpha cleared his throat. "Moving on."
"So," Jack commented, slinging his bag over his shoulder. "Shall we get going?"
"We're late! We're about to miss the actual point of the chapter!" Arceus shouted in a gruff voice.
"Well you just had to stop at the beach and have a splash fight!" Mew shot back, tone insufferably high.
"It's not my fault someone wanted to stop for lunch," Arceus spat, ruby eyes boring into Mew's sapphire before the two broke off with a mutual chuckle.
"After you," Lucario stated, gesturing towards everyone else.
Jack shrugged. "Alright then. See you on the other side."
"Of the moon..." Arceus and Mew harmonized.
With that, Jack darted forward and quickly jumped through the portal. Once he was through, he saw that they were just outside a forest. A quick mental scan of the area revealed that it was, in fact, only a few miles from Fort Aaron. It wasn't long before Damocles came through the glowing portal as well, then Nova, then Lucario.
"So… any plan from here?" Lucario asked, deciding that Nova and Jack had more experience with the current situation than he did.
"Well," Jack replied, brushing some invisible dirt off his knees, "I would imagine we just walk in the front door. I'm pretty sure they'll recognise us, wouldn't you say?"
"Except for the fact that Ford isn't supposed to be helping us and vice versa," Nova said, remembering their previous discussion with General Ford. "That is why I proposed we sneak in under my illusion. It would probably be best if Damocles waited here though… I don't think sneaking him into the base would send the right message…"
"Then again," Jack countered, "I think it would just be simpler to tell the guards more or less what happened. You and I found Damocles, the three of us walked into Alpha's main base, and we walked out with Lucario who then sucked it into a singularity. I'm pretty sure the two of us made more than enough of an impression last time, so the guards will at least take us seriously. And maybe not shoot us on sight."
"Except there is no guarantee that the same guards will be there," Lucario pointed out. "From what I can sense from here, the base is mostly empty right now."
"A blue Zoroark and a human in blue robes
"Walk into a bar," Jack said only to cover his head as Mew reached for the rubber torchic.
defend the base from two hybrids," Jack deadpanned, "And you think the story hasn't spread like wildfire among the ranks by now?"
"Fine…" Lucario conceded. "I agree that Damocles should wait here though."
"Anyways, the trio head on to the base and get an audience with Colonel Sanders with relative ease."
"Well, the superhuman returns," General Ford said as they entered his office, looking over the three of them before dismissing the guards that escorted them.
"You magnificent son of a Lucario!" Arceus began in the gruffest voice he could imagine.
"Yes," Jack replied. "And we're here to report that we destroyed Alpha's main base, took down all of their hybrids except one, and freed a certain mutual acquaintance from their control."
General Ford raised an eyebrow at the list of supposed accomplishments as he stood up from behind his desk and walked around in front of it. "I am going to guess that said mutual acquaintance is Lucario, who I am also guessing is right in front of me."
"You would be correct, general," Lucario responded, looking into Ford's eyes. "I cannot even begin to apologize for all the harm I caused…" He then closed his eyes and bowed his head down. "I hope that you can forgive me for all that happened. They used some kind of mind control device on me."
"You know, I caught a lot of flak when you showed up helping them. A lot of people were calling for my removal for letting an 'Alpha spy' into our ranks.
"And slapping that soldier in the infirmary probably didn't help..."
Thankfully, more people had faith in my ability to defend my country. Though that certainly explains a lot… And as for the rest of it," Ford said as he turned towards Jack. "You have any proof of your claims? Not that I don't believe you… but…"
"Well…" Jack replied, reaching behind his shoulder and pulling a roll of canvas out of his bag. "I don't have any on me, but I do have this."
Jack deftly unrolled the map, holding either side of it so Ford could see.
"In case you're wondering," Jack continued, "Those burn marks are all of Alpha's hidden bases. The one with the little star around it is their main base, or the giant hole that used to be their main base. That should be fairly easy to verify, right?"
Ford looked at the map in awe, not quite believing what he was seeing. "These… these are all accurate?"
"Yep, all of Alpha's bases are burn marks!" Mew chirped. Arceus rolled his eyes.
"Come more banter, and Ford agrees to smuggle Jack back out of the region in return for a favor."
"We have a ship leaving for Sinnoh tonight from Haven," Ford started, pointing at the port city on Saldara's east coast. It is carrying the payment for the supplies we bought from them. A hundred pounds of perfectly cut diamonds and three ancient statues from Sinnoh, one of each of the Creation Trio. We believe that Alpha is going to try and attack the ship. Since you are going to Sinnoh, figured you could go with it to make sure it gets there."
Jack grinned wryly. "Anyone who attacks that ship is going to have a bad time."
"Heh, good to hear," Ford laughed. "I will fill out the paperwork to get you onto the ship."
"I should point out that Lucario and I are going with him," Nova said.
"Like I said," Jack continued, his grin gaining a mischievous slant. "If anyone attacks that ship..."
"Very well," Ford continued, "Would seem that Razgriz story wasn't all lies after all."
"Wait, Randgriz? We're in Gallia!?" Mew blinked and then felt her mouth go wide. "It's all coming together now! This is the rough draft for the Valkyria Chronicles!"
"Razgriz..." Arceus and Jack muttered simultaneously.
"Jack and co. then head out to the port of Haven where the ship and escorts - Eric and Tyler, who have a past history with Lucario - Ford provided will be setting sail back to Sinnoh. More banter once they got on the ship, and that's basically it. Onto chapter thirty one; Homeward Bound."
"What an Incredible Journey it's been..." Mew said dreamily. Jack nodded in agreement.
"A two day's boat trip ensues, only for our intrepid heroes to find the ship under attack by Alpha when it's just within range of Sinnoh."
Jack stumbled for a moment as he felt the ship turn sharply under him. "Woah…" he muttered.
"That cannot be good…." Lucario said.
Only a moment later, alarms sounded throughout the ship. The ship's crew that had been with them in the crew quarters instantly jumped to their feet and started running to their battle stations.
Jack glanced at Lucario. "No kidding. Should we go and see what's going on? I mean, we are supposed to protect the ship."
"Teleport to the helicopter deck?" Lucario suggested, putting on of his paws on Jack's shoulders. "Nova, go to Eric and find out what is happening."
"Alright," Nova replied as she nodded her head and went off in the direction of Eric's aura.
With a crackle of electricity, Jack teleported up to the deck of the ship dragging Lucario along for the ride. When they got there, there was a loud roar as the ship vibrated lightly before a bright flash and plume of smoke on their right. This was followed almost immediately by another as two anti-ship missiles raced into the sky.
"Michael Bay to the rescue," Arceus said in his voiceover tone. "Well, the ship's missiles take out two of three of the Alpha boats, and Jack, Nova and Lucario help in defending it from the surviving ship's missiles. Not content to let this dissolve into a slug-fest, Jack teleports himself into the Alpha ship.
Before Lucario could respond, Jack disappeared with a crackle of electricity. His target was the only other landing point in direct sight, the Alpha ship. Jack popped back into existence in a cramped room, probably somewhere below deck on the enemy corvette. There was a lot of machinery with a long, belt-like part running up towards the roof. Jack could see the belt of shells being fed through it, and he could barely hear the sound of one of the ship's two guns firing.
"I'm in the loading room for one of their guns," Jack thought to himself.
Looking around, Jack realized that if the shells exploded on impact then a well-placed explosion here could very well detonate the entire load. Jack glanced at several large containers, similar to the one attached to where the shells were coming from, and conjured up an Aura Sphere in his hand. He presumed that the containers held ammunition for the main gun. One explosion, and the entire ship would probably go up in flames. That's all it would take. One explosion… and everybody on the ship would be dead.
"Watch out, he's going to take an Aura Sphere and BLOW IT!" Mew said, shooting up in her seat.
Jack froze, a sense of disgust washing over him. "What am I doing…?" he asked himself. He didn't like the answer.
They're the enemy. They're trying to kill you.
"And that justifies me stooping to their level?" Jack argued with himself.
This is war. You remember war, don't you? Casualties are unavoidable.
"I may not be able to save everyone," Jack countered, gritting his teeth, "But I won't kill."
Even if it's you or them?
Jack shook his head defiantly. "There's always a third option. And if not, I'll make one!"
You really are too soft, Jack. I promise you this much, it will be your downfall.
"So be it," Jack replied grimly.
Jack went to dissipate his Aura Sphere, his mind already racing to find other ways of disabling the Alpha ship. He could just go around and knock out everyone on board. It would be a lot of work, especially in his current condition. Plus, it he stayed on board too long there was a chance the Saldaran corvette might end up hitting him with their cannon. Even so, it was better than killing.
It was at that moment Jack realized that he'd teleported. He was back on the Saldaran ship beside Lucario. He could feel his mouth being stretched upward in a small grin, but he didn't feel like smiling.
"What…? What the heck just happened?!" he asked desperately.
You just did what had to be done... I'm sorry, I really am, but you have to learn.
Jack watched the horizon in morbid fascination as the Alpha ship went up in a massive fireball. The Aura Sphere he'd left behind when he teleported had exploded, just as planned, and detonated the ship's ammunition supply.
"Oh, they shouldn't have given Gilligan his own ship," Arceus said.
To Jack's horror, he felt his lips part and heard a chuckle escape them.
(Light Yagami: What's wrong? You got nothing else to say?)
"Well," his own voice said, an edge of steel in its tone. "That was surprisingly easy."
"A shame that he had to blow up the Staples along with the Alpha boat..." Mew moaned.
"To bring this to a conclusion, Jack feels guilty about being congratulated for saving everyone, Lucario finally gets a name in the form of Razgriz, and then the trio end back in up in their cabin where they all start sharing their backstories with each other.
"Well…. We have a while till we get to port," Nova started tentatively.
Jack paused once again. He was reluctant to dredge up those memories, especially now that most of them had a bitter-sweet sting in their tails. Even so, Nova and Razgriz had a right to know the story.
"I suppose we do," Jack said with a sigh. "In that case, I suppose I might as well tell you considering you're only coming with me to help me find them. I owe you that much at least. You know I was raised by a family of Lucarios, right? Well, I left home about half a year ago to go and explore the world outside the forest. It was just me and my adoptive brother, Jason." Jack chuckled ruefully. "We got into a lot of trouble, even right off the bat. Do either of you know anything about Pokémon trainers?"
"Most go around forcibly stripping Pokémon away from their homes, family, and friends," Razgriz retorted in a none too kind manner.
Jack mulled it over for a second. "I guess… that's not an unfair description," he continued, his tone clearly stating that he thought it was. "For some, at least. I assure you though, trainers come in all shapes and sizes. I personally know a few who treat their Pokémon like… well, like family. And trust me, when I started my journey I saw them exactly the same as you do. I've just learned not to judge people by their title."
"I have learned that as well. There is a reason I said most, not all," Razgriz replied. "I used to hold a strong disdain towards all humans. I guess I still hold a bit of that, but it has mellowed out over this past year after getting to know some humans that were… well, honorable."
"Okay then," Jack continued. "Anyway, one of the first things Jason and I did when we left the forest was head for the human town nearby. We hadn't seen many humans before, so we figured we might as well make that our first adventure. It all seems so long ago now. Anyway, somehow or other we got roped into some kind of… trainer initiation ceremony, I guess. We met a professor who assumed I was a new trainer, and he put Jason in a Pokéball. I… may have freaked out a little."
"The last time someone tried to put me in a Pokéball, it exploded," Razgriz commented.
"When he put Jason into a Pokéball, I nearly exploded," Jack replied wryly.
"I doubt you were about to literally explode," Razgriz countered.
"No, I couldn't do that back then," Jack said with a straight face.
"Right…." Nova deadpanned, "Because there isn't anything you can't do."
Arceus chuckled. "And, well, the self-awareness and humor in it makes it a worthwhile read, even if we already know most of it. They then venture onto the topic of Hunter J and decide to use Razgriz as bait to draw her out - once that's done their voyage finally comes to an end."
"So, what now, just walk off?" Nova asked once the delivery had been completed.
Jack shrugged. "I guess so. I don't think there's as much paperwork for leaving Saldara as there is for entering it."
"Well… honestly, I don't think anyone will care if we were to just vanish," Razgriz started. "Afterall, from what I have gathered, you weren't supposed to be in Saldara, so if you were never in Saldara, you shouldn't arrive in Sinnoh."
Jack nodded. "Can't argue with that logic. In that case, I know somewhere we might be able to disappear to."
"Where would that be?" Nova asked.
Jack grinned slightly, although there was a rueful tint to it. "An old friend's house. I'll bet Maylene will be happy to see me in one piece."
Mew's ears perked up at the name. "Wait, Maylene's in the next chapter!? Arcy, I'm begging you, we gotta do Chapter thirty two now!"
"I'm sorry Mew, but I'm supposed to end at thirty one," Arceus said mildly, eyes drifting downwards. "And as it stands, I'm also a bit burned out."
And as if on cue, Hideyoshi poked his head into the theater.
"Sorry to bother ya, but two minutes left on the clock. If there's ever a time to give your Judgement, it'd be now."
"Ah yes," the Alpha said with a small nod. "What is my Judgement?" Jack and Mew leaned in as Arceus allowed a small moment of quiet. "Well, I can't in good faith give a whole conclusion on the story as I've only reviewed roughly half of it and it's still ongoing. Still, there's a lot to be said. A lot. Good and bad. Jack's powers are turned up to eleven, the crossover couldn't decide whether it wanted to be action or slice of life, the Pokémon League was just filler and the plot still hasn't really gone anywhere, but the humor is enjoyable, the story is delightfully self-aware and the action is fun even if it is inanely over the top. So far, Book 2 is fun. The campy, guilty pleasure, occasionally 'no, we really are just laughing at you' kind of fun, but undeniably fun, and even handles its more serious moments and Jack's internal conflict quite well. It still captures the chaos and uncertainty of the first book while avoiding some of its pitfalls - if not only to step into the plodding of some others - but at the end of the day, Book 2 is by all means a step up, if not complete. And that is my Judgement."
"Perfect timing too," Hideyoshi said as his wristwatch started beeping. "Right, time to see if you'll be paying a visit to the hangman today."
The trio gulped.
And now for the thrilling conclusion of AR-40 - The Arcalypse:
"Well, there's no getting around it," Keldeo said as he swiveled his chair away from the television. "Between Marvel, Star Wars and now Pokémon, Disney now has the rights to your childhood."
Mew coughed and offered up the video tape to Keldeo, who only blinked self-consciously and took it into his hooves. Mew returned to her place on the other side of the room, staring down Jack and Arceus, as the Sword of Justice and jury watched the final section of the review. Jack started twiddling his thumbs while Mew dropped a pen, levitated back up, and let it clatter onto the desk again. Arceus just maintained his dead, placid stare as the minutes ticked by. Kyurem started to snore. It was when the TV went to static that every head in the courtroom turned to Keldeo. Keldeo just turned to the jury.
"Has the jury reached a verdict?" there was a series of quiet murmuring amongst the twelve before Giratina rose in his seat to tower above everyone else in the courtroom, crimson eyes staring down his father.
"We the jury find the defendant, Arceus the Critic, innocent of being a rip-off."
Jack pumped his fist as burst of confetti went off on both sides of an unenthused Arceus, the whole courtroom breaking out into cheers. Keldeo only nodded and raised his gavel.
"Very well," he said through the hammer in his mouth. "I hereby declare the defendant-"
"OBJECTION!"
You could hear a pen drop in the aftermath of Mew's shout, punctuated by her slamming her stubby paws onto the desk.
"Did we ever specify what we found him innocent of ripping off, m'lud?" Keldeo blinked indecisively, and Jack swore he could hear Arceus arch an eyebrow.
"Well, um, no. I suppose we all just assumed that he was being charged with ripping me off."
The grin that grew across Mew's face caused a small pit to form in Mew's stomach.
"Then if we didn't specify, then it's safe to assume that we also have to look at what else he could potentially rip off."
Jack's jaw dropped when Keldeo nodded in agreement.
"Yes, in fact I think it's safe to say that this whole sequence of court sketches have been one big parody of Ace Attorney," Keldeo turned to the jury. "In light of the new criteria, how do you find the defendant?"
The lawyer in blue felt a cold sweat snake down his brow as he tried to figure a way out of this situation; any future he had in the legal profession hinged on this. And between taking a moment to envy his client's entirely non-flummoxed demeanor and trying to come up with some grounds for an objection, it then struck him:
"Wait a minute; Ace Attorney! And no Ace Attorney game is complete without-"
It was at that moment that the camera that had been recording the courtroom drama for the benefit of the greater world decided to surreptitiously zoom in as close as possible to Jack's forehead, as fast as it could. While it couldn't actually get into his head, it did succeed in knocking him down and diverting the attention of all present there long enough for Jack to stagger back to his feet.
"A Turnabout!" every pair of eyes in the courtroom blinked simultaneously.
"That's it, your honor! No Ace Attorney game - parody or not - is complete without some great, reality shaking turnabout, which we haven't yet."
"Or some serious bluffing to advance the plot," Jack heard the Alpha above him mumble. He paid it no heed, having hooked onto the one tangential line of logic that could possibly win this case for them.
"So allow me to present you with the only possible one available; that the defendant in fact had a co-conspirator in his escape attempt! Our own prosecutor; the very Mew herself!"
"WHAT!?" Mew screamed out after a tense moment of stunned silence. "HOW DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE!? WHAT EVIDENCE DO YOU HAVE!?"
Jack crossed his arms, satisfied that he now had the court's full attention, and now having a sneaking suspicion that what he was onto was more than just a wild bluff to buy time.
"Simple; you said you were selling the merchandise to help make bail for Arceus in case he got convicted. Except you made one fatal mistake; clearly not knowing much of anything about a judicial system:" Jack then leaned forward for emphasis. "Convicts can't make bail."
"S-SO?!" Mew shouted back, face turning from blush to rose. "All that proves is that I'm not exactly qualified to be a prosecutor; I was a last minute choice!"
"Perhaps," Jack said with a nonchalant shrug. "But it also betrays the fact that Arceus picked you as the prosecutor. Add in that you not only had control of the timer used to give Arceus time for his standing ovation, were the last in the room to supposedly fall asleep, and was selling merchandise that helped mask Arceus' escape - and made a neat profit that could be used to aid in it - and it all comes together too nicely for it to be a convenience!"
Mew's maw remained agape for a moment before her icy orbs shot up to the Sword of Justice looming over them. "M'lud, this is insane bluffing on the defendant's part to buy time. I demand we head to the sentencing."
Arceus' attorney let the smirk he had been hiding finally surface. "Time to play my trump card."
"Ah, but there's one fatal flaw with that, your honor; if this really just is shameless bluffing - which it's not - then that means this isn't a real turnabout and thus can't be a rip-off of Ace Attorney. But if it is more than just bluffing, than it deserves to be looked into. I motion for Prosecutor Mew to take the witness stand for cross-examination."
Another stunned moment of silence followed before Keldeo weakly brought his gavel down. "Somehow that fridge logic actually makes sense. Motion granted. Prosecutor."
Amongst the may leery murmurs filling the courtroom, Arceus was able to hear Kyurem whisper 'I knew it' to Genesect as an indignant New Species Pokémon took her place on the stand. Jack just scratched his chin.
"All right, I've come this far; I just got to get to the bottom of this. While I think she was trying to help Arceus, it doesn't make any sense why she would push for the trial to continue right as he was about to be acquitted. She has another motive here, and I need to find it before she or Keldeo realizes that."
"Now, do you have anything to say in regards to the charges laid against you?"
Mew's eyes darted around the courtroom, and Jack could make out a few beads of sweat dripping down her angular face as she took in the scrutiny of her surroundings. The Pokémon fingered the collar of her cravat in a vain attempt to nullify the rising temperature, and then finally slammed her paws into the wooden podium.
"FINE! I confess; I was helping Arcy - just stop pressing me!"
Jack blinked in disbelief while the rest of the courtroom went slack-jawed. "Wow. That was easy. Might as well go in for the kill here."
"But why?" the one in blue said, trying to keep any smugness from seeping into his voice. "If you wanted to help Arceus escape, why didn't he flee while he could? While press for the trial to continue?"
"PLOT!" Mew screeched, Jack taking a cautionary step back. The Psychic Type took a deep breath and shook her head.
"I don't know why for the first; you'll have to ask Arcy. I never told him I intended on helping him, though I'm guessing he knew from the start and just wanted to teach me something about duty or something. As for the second, well..." she raised her gaze, icy eyes sharpening into a glare piercing enough to send a chill down Jack's spine. "I wanted to make a statement. I wanted to show that being original can only take you so far; look at where we are now! Arcy wasn't the first, and he won't be the last, but he's grown bigger than what he was. He's learned from others - their mistakes, their triumphs, their styles, all of it - and himself. Would we really be here if Arcy wasn't worth the attention, if he didn't manage to inspire it because he was relatable and understandable? Because he wasn't so unique that he was detached?"
Mew let out a world weary sigh that betrayed the psychosis of her previous explanation. "Nothing is truly unique; you can always find an element of something in anything if you just look hard enough and even cynically enough, and it's a critic's job to walk that line without falling over the edge, and it's times like this that bring it out best. Heck, it's every author's job. And if you see further, it's only because you have the advantage of standing on the shoulders of giants - there's nothing wrong in just trying to do something better."
The Psychic swore she could see some mist in the Alpha's eyes by the time she had finished her spiel; the whole room had been stunned into a reverent silence. Kyurem even passed his handkerchief to Genesect. Jack took a deep breath, stepped out from behind the defendant's bench and stood opposite to her in the middle of the courtroom.
"Be that as it may, I'm still going to have to ask you to turn yourself in." Mew's gaze immediately hardened, blue orbs staring into the blue-clad attorney across from her.
"Are you threatening me, Mr. Lawyer?"
"The jury will declare its verdict at the end of the review," Jack replied emotionlessly. Mew felt a snarl break out across her features, and it was just then that Jack noticed the hilt of a lightsaber that had suddenly materialized into her paw.
"I am the jury!" she then ignited the Pepto-Bismol-pink blade and, with an ear-splitting shriek, lunged at Jack from behind the witness stand like a corkscrew. Jack just raised a hand and stopped her in mid-air, the tip of the energy blade just inches away from the bridge of his nose. Grinning wickedly, he then flicked his wrist upwards, Mew suddenly flying away from him and following the many twists and turns of his hand, spinning in an endless loop and screaming in terror all the while as she glided over the entire courtroom. The attorney finally relented his mental grip on the Pyschic Type like a conductor bringing an end to a piece, letting her drop to the floor, and after a quick sigh Mew immediately set about emptying the contents of her stomach from behind the privacy of the witness stand.
"I am not cleaning that up..." Hideyoshi whispered to Keldeo, who only nodded in agreement.
"Uncle..." a green-faced Mew moaned out, popping up from behind the wooden podium. Keldeo just slammed started slamming his gavel into his stand until the courtroom quieted down.
"Well, thank you for sorting that out, Mr. Storm," Keldeo began, Jack deigning to allow himself a self-congratulatory smile. "And now that we have established that there is in fact a turnabout, we can say for certain that this is indeed a rip-off of the Ace Attorney series."
Jack's face immediately dropped, and Mew allowed herself a groan in victory. Keldeo turned back to the juror's box.
"How does the-"
"OBJECTION!"
"Oh what now?" Keldeo shouted, head snapping back to the middle of the courtroom. To his surprise, neither the prosecutor or defense had seemed to voice that objection. Then the ceiling above them caved in, everybody instinctively shielding their heads as a sheet of rubble and dust came tumbling into the courtroom.
"Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!" Cardinal Ximenez shouted as he, Biggles and Fang descended into the courtroom via jetpack. "You thought that since we appeared at the beginning of the review that we wouldn't appear later, but amongst our chief weaponry is surprise, surprise and fear, fear and-"
"Get on with it!" the man in red flinched at the courtroom's unanimous declaration, and quickly recomposed himself with a cough.
"Yes, well, we are here to tell you that the whole premise of this case is wrong-"
"WHAT?!" to his credit, the only sign Ximenez showed of being perturbed was to adjust his collar.
"We did not arrest the giant llama on grounds of ripping off any other writers-"
"Llama?" the equine being growled from behind his table.
"But on grounds of ripping us off! Chapter thirty three; he clearly and shamelessly steals a role that was meant for the three of us!"
More stunned silence fell over the courtroom.
"You mean to say..." Arceus began slowly, eye twitching. "That this whole thing, the entire fifty-thousand plus word review to establish as to whether or not I was an artistic rip-off, was entirely pointless!?"
"Afraid so."
Arceus reared his head back as the whole room began to shake, eyes now twitching and rolling around uncontrollably.
"YAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH..." and then his voice suddenly changed into the most magnificent voice Mew had ever heard.
"Ya ya yaah, ya ya yaah, ya ya yaah. Oh-oh-oh. Ye-ye-ye-ye-yeh, ye-ye-ye, ye-ye-yeh. Oh-oh-oh. Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh! La la laah, la la laah, lololo lololo-" not being able to stomach the national anthem of the internet any longer, Mew used Pyschic to hurl the remnants of the phonograph on her table at Arceus.
"AAIIEEEEEE-" Arceus' head reeled back from the impact of the shock, but he merely shook off whatever damage had been dealt with a self-conscious blink.
"Thank you, Mew," the Alpha grumbled distantly, clearly still trying to cope with the revelation. Keldeo slammed his gavel onto the stand.
"Biscuits, does anyone else want to interrupt?" there was a collective sigh of relief when everyone held their peace. "Well, in light of this new revelation, how does the jury find the accused?"
Giratina rose again, and from the grin that had broke across his ghastly features, was clearly entertained by the past fifteen minutes of chicanery.
"We the jury find the above titled defendant guilty on the charge of ripping off the Spanish Inquisition."
The courtroom burst into quiet murmurs as Keldeo brought down his gavel. Jack sighed in a combination of disappointment and relief. Arceus looked entirely unbothered, though Mew just guessed he was still trying to wrap his mind around that past five chapters.
"Very well. I sentence the defendant to sixty hours of community service. Court is adjourned," Keldeo hopped down from his chair, muttering all the while as he left the courtroom. "That's six chapters of inanity too many for me..."
"And to think, all that work over community service," Jack muttered, gaze glassy enough that he didn't even notice Arceus floating above him until it was too late. He immediately paled when he found himself staring straight back into the Alpha's glare.
"I would like to thank you, Mr. Storm," the Normal Type said mildly, though it did little to put Jack's unrest at ease. "You fought tooth and nail for me, and I hope you were able to learn from his example, Mew."
The Psychic in question perked up at the comment. "Huh?"
Arceus only nodded. "Yes; even if we don't like the cards we're dealt with - even if we're dealt a losing hand from the start - we should still strive to make the best of what we have and accept it with grace, regardless of the circumstances."
Mew nodded weakly, and the Original One's gaze returned to Jack.
"I think you would have made Pheonix Wright proud today with your performance," despite himself, Jack couldn't help the small smile that overcame him.
"Thank you," he said quietly, giving a small bow to Arceus. The Legendary returned it with a nod, and then his attention shifted back to his protégé. "
"And Mew," the Psychic Type looked up from the floor tiles. "Thank you."
The small Pokémon wiped away the tears that had formed in her eyes and offered up a shaky smile and equally shaky nod. Arceus turned away from both of them.
"Well, we might as well head back to the Hall now. I trust you can find your way home, Mr. Storm?"
"I think I'll take the long way home, actually," came Jack's reply. Arceus just gave an indifferent nod.
"Very well. Come along Mew; I think I can glimpse the start of a new chapter."
"Yeah..."
The End:
Special Thanks:
Jack Storm 448
OseanSoldier
Mr. Grool
DragonNiro
Matthais Unidostres (R.I.P)
Glory For Sleep
SilverUmbra
Quaystor
Blazing Sceptile
Goldeneye101
Attila12
"Wait a second!" Mew exclaimed right before the Arceus could teleport them away. The whole courtroom found its' attention back on her, but she didn't seem to balk under the pressure in the slightest. "We still haven't asked Arcy how he pleads! Now we'll have to redo the whole thin-"
What happened next has been lost to history.
Credits:
Everything I Referenced
Or
I'm not going to be bothered to go back over six chapter worth of them this time around
Note From the Author:
Well, here we are: I've finished the biggest review I've done yet so far, and I think probably the biggest review done on FF by our group. And I also somehow managed to keep up the average of a chapter every month, even if I did take that break. Yep; I'm back baby!
Anyways, I hope this lived up to everyone's expectations - this is the only thing of mine that people bother to review, after all - and if not, it hopefully at least gave all of you a laugh. I'll be back sometime next month, hopefully refreshed.