Arceus the Critic - Season Two

by Imperator Justinian

The original Keldeo the Critic ripoff is back, and he's more sarcastic than ever. He'll be reviewing all kinds of stories, from the good, the bad and the mediocre, not to mention the frequent editorial, when he's not trying to keep Mew from destroying his sanity, that is. Spinoff of Keldeo the Critic.

42. At the Reviews III

The PBC is proud to present:

Review

Wars

Episode III (of I): Return of the Critics

December 24th, 2017. Keldeo is long gone, but his vision still lives on in the form of two brave critics. With the age of Nintendo handhelds nearing its last days and the expansion of the Disney Empire and its Gen VII army, our heroes set out for one final sally: to address the OR/AS crisis and remind the fandom of its roots, before all hope is lost…

"Was all that really necessary, Mew?" Arceus deadpanned from his perfectly mundane throne surrounded by his perfectly mundane marble pillars in the perfectly mundane temple that housed the Original One.

"Doesn't matter," she whispered back, from the stool seated between Arceus' throne and the oversized beanbag Kyurem was slowly sinking into, picking up a stack of papers from the coffee table placed in front of them. "We're on."

Arceus just blinked and turned in the direction of the non-existent camera.

"Hello, and welcome to Dateline on the Critics. I'm Arceus."

"And I'm Kyurem," the Dual Type spoke out from the comfy-looking pit he was in. "Not coming at you live, from the Hall of Origin."

"Tonight we'll be looking into a very interesting case," the Alpha said, having suddenly adopted a pair of spectacles and a grey vest. "It all started more than a decade ago, with the advent of a new generation. Now new technology is finally catching up with it."

"No one saw it coming," the Boundary Pokemon muttered ominously, pushing himself back up. "In fact, an entire meme was dedicated to making fun of those who believed that it would arrive."

"And yet, for all the adversity it faced, it quickly proved itself to be the best game of Gen VI."

"That's correct," Kyurem said neutrally before his face broke out into a scowl. "Unfortunately, with such a low bar set by X and Y, Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire are only better by default, and are further proof that Generation 6 of Pokemon was undeniably the worst."

Arceus blinked quietly while Kyurem's scowl turned into a snarl.

"With a butchered story, dated graphics, neutered gameplay, horrible retcons and absolutely no improvements over the originals, only an absolute brain-dead moron could get any modicum of enjoyment out of-"

Arceus' brow furrowed, and with a flash of the eyes the entire room went pitch-black, leaving a confused Kyurem to cut off his soliloquy. When light flooded back into the room, Mew was standing in the middle of the hall, mic in hand. Kyurem blinked when he saw he and Arceus – now deprived of the homely-looking glasses and vest – were standing behind podiums.

"Hello, ladies and gentlemon!" Mew said cheerily, to the sound of prerecorded cheering. "Tonight we have a grudge match between the elitists and casuals! In this corner, you know him, you love him, you hate his update schedule... it's Kyurem the Critic for the sno- Elites! Across from him stands the King of Pain, the God of Grumbling, Arcy the Critic for the scru- Casuals!"

"And yet, even with that intro, I still feel like this debate will be less heated than the ones from 2016," Kyurem grumbled.

"Ack, you're no fun anymore," Mew said, turning back to the duo.

"Mew…" the Alpha just sighed. The Psychic Type just offered up a dopey grin.

"Heh, sorry," she replied, floating back to the stool still placed between the podiums, picking up the papers as she took her seat. Mew cleared her throat and levitated the mic over to her side.

"Hello and welcome to Steven's Coballion, Hoenn's most reliable live echo chamber, where we'll be hosting a debate between the two opposing parties – it doesn't really matter what stance they take, because the other side has to automatically be wrong!"

"That's right," Kyurem barked. "And today I'll be proving why Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire were the worst remakes in the series!"

The Normal Type's eyes narrowed.

"And today, I will be giving ORAS its much needed vindication from the snobbery of nostalgia."

"Yeesh, I'm literally made of ice, and even I felt the chill from that," the Ice Type muttered.

"Wicked burn, one point for Kyurem," Mew said, smiling.

Arceus' eyes narrowed even further. The New Species Pokemon shrugged it off and lifted up her papers.

"Anyways, let's begin with the first topic: changes to the setting. Both sides have been presented with a list of talking points about it, and as Kyurem is the instigator he gets first pick."

The Boundary Pokemon just grumbled as he picked up a copy of the papers himself, clearing his icy throat.

Stage Changes – Locations

"Just as I learned when trying to put Full Court on the market; it's all about location. And it turns out that no one wants to buy a castle made of ice when the summers can reach up to 100 degrees. So how are the locations in OR/AS? A step down from their predecessors. The most infamous example of OR/AS's terrible changes is Game Freak's latest attempt at making a biggerer and betterer city every new game with Mauville's redesign. In fact, the city looks so flashy and bad that it almost makes you miss the other bad redesigns, like the removal of the trick house puzzles and the bike room being replaced by a cutscene with Wallace. 'Member when Pokemon tried to do little puzzles to shake up the gameplay a bit? I sure do."

"Ignoring Mauville's utterly inept redesign," Arceus started, almost quietly. "Most of the design changes felt for the better; Victory Road and the Pokemon League both felt like the size they actually should be, the extra detail to Granite Cave and Rayquaza's Tower made them far more impressive and atmospheric than their predecessors, the changes made to Mossdeep made it feel more realistic, and overall Hoenn felt larger, with more for you to discover. This was only possible because of the addition of new detail."

Kyurem rolled his pupil-less eyes and grabbed onto the podium.

"Oh, Hoenn felt larger, alright. Thanks to the designers' laziness! When turning the routes 3D, they failed to realize that your character doesn't cover as much space when walking than he did in 2D. The result was extra space on every route to walk through without any extra things to do! I don't know if this was intentional padding or an oversight, but it's equally annoying either way."

It was Arceus' turn to roll his eyes.

"The theme of Hoenn is exploration; you're, quite literally, just a kid, in a large, wide open world begging to be explored. Having claustrophobically small routes would be directly counterintuitive to that goal. That there was no actual extra space added means that there was no direct harm done to the player, either. Just that it gave the appearance of being more open and unexplored, as it should."

"It takes me forty steps to go through the Hall of Origin, and during that time I can look at the, admittedly fashionable, tapestries on the windows. It takes Mew four times that amount of steps to walk through the Hall, and no extra tapestries to admire. That's the difference." The Ice Type slammed his stubby claw into the podium. "Of course, you wouldn't understand that, you don't even have feet!"

"Since when could Kyurem use Blast Burn?" Mew said to the sound of prerecorded laughter. Arceus just ignored it, gaze turning to meet Kyurem's.

"Last time I checked, nature also was consistent; I should understand that, seeing as how I did make it."

"Well, I think that about does it," the New Species Pokemon said quickly, causing Kyurem to turn his attention from the Alpha to the pink blob sitting between them.

"Who died and made you judge?" he growled.

"Lucario." Mew said nonchalantly. "Anyways, I think I'll declare this one a draw: Arcy has a valid point in that there was no actual gameplay impact and it does push the theme of ORAS, but ultimately that's subjective. Kyurem had a great burn, so it evens out. 0-0."

Stage Changes – Lore

"Long ago in the distant year of 2010," the Boundary Pokemon began, voice somewhere between wistful and murderous. "Someone thought it would be a good idea to remove the Metroid Prime games from the series lore in order to make the lore in Metroid: Other M make sense. Well, it didn't work back then, and it doesn't work now. R/S had a serviceable story that was fun and kept the action going. OR/AS takes it and tries to tie it all together for a detrimental effect. Now Maxie and Archie are just pawns in an even smarter person's plan! Everything that's happened was all being pulled by Zinnia! While you're at it, why don't they just make Brendan and May siblings, separated at birth by Zinnia Star Wars-style? Of course, Game Freak takes the lore a step further by making all of the previous games happen in an alternate dimension! Though I can't say I'm too bent out of shape that Gens 1 through 5 have nothing to with the Gen 6 dumpster fire."

"An even longer time ago, back in 2003," Arceus began without any other indication he even heard Kyurem. "Gamefreak looked over their past games and realized that their stories and world made about as much sense as Super Mario 64's. They decided to try to take a step to fix it when they made the transition to a new console; the result was a step up, but only in the way that Revenge of the Sith was a step up from Attack of the Clones. The villains and practically every other character simply showed up out of nowhere, the Legendary Pokemon aren't given any pre-established lore or even mentioned prior to the ebil villain awakening them, and like the prior two games everyone decides to leave the fate of the world to a ten year old who only just started their journey." the Alpha exhaled.

"Fast forward eleven years later: ORAS gave us villains who, while still in paying homage to RSE, appeared out of nowhere, but had actual character. Gym Leaders and Champions who didn't just sit around all day but actually got involved with the region. Introducing the main Legendary Pokemon as early as Granite Cave so you actually know what is happening later on, while also making a valiant effort to build upon XY's horrific additions to the franchise by giving it some actual lore. As for the alternate dimension brouhaha; that can hardly be blamed on ORAS: XY is to blame for introducing the earth-shattering mechanic that needed an explanation, and had ORAS not bit the bullet when it did, SM would be receiving the hate it got for it. As for Zinnia, it's never stated Zinnia is controlling anything: only that she helped push Team Aqua/Magma to achieving their goals so she could achieve hers of awakening Rayquaza. No puppet master required."

Kyurem sighed.

"I'll concede that the Gym Leaders and other NPCs were given more development, though that's more a trend of previous games rather than something exclusive to OR/AS, but blaming X/Y for every problem is nothing more than an excuse. OR/AS did bite the bullet, and it shows. Oh, and my apologies, I forgot that instead of a ten year old deciding the fate of the world, a twelve year old also has a hand in it."

"Yes," Arceus nodded neutrally enough to put the other Legendary on edge. "As well as the region's champion, the local gym leader, one of the Latis, and the leaders of two villainous teams - and two of those items are more than can be said for RS. Secondly, had ORAS not addressed the flaming mess that XY dumped upon it and instead passed that burden onto SM, would you blame SM for the faults that XY created?"

"Yes, in fact I would," the Legendary Pokemon replied, trying his hardest to cross his arms. "We aren't playing the blame game. Just because Gen 1 used the confusing term "Gym" to describe boss battles doesn't make it any less strange that it's still being used in OR/AS. X/Y is certainly the cause of many of OR/AS's problems, but what we're debating is whether or not the game is good, regardless of who's at fault."

Arceus' face twisted into something resembling a frown. "And so, prey tell, what exactly does the off-hand implication that multiple dimensions exist in Pokemon - something that SM would outright confirm anyhow, to no outrage - affect negatively?"

"Story-wise, the only thing that Pokemon had going against other story-lite games like Mario and Kirby was that, despite the lack of story, everything still fit relatively neatly into its own timeline. Throwing all of that progress into an alternate universe is only one step above saying that the past events were all a dream," Kyurem replied, with an air of triumph. Arceus' eyes just narrowed.

"And what timeline was this? Beyond the obvious implication that the Johto games took place after Kanto and that BW2 followed BW (and including the hint that Sinnoh happened sometime before BW2 owing to that one Plasma Grunt mentioning his former career as a member of Galactic), there has never been a concretely established timeline within Pokemon games. Secondly, saying that the games on from XY happen in a different dimension from the prior games doesn't necessitate that nothing in the prior games happened, or that nothing in the new games doesn't match up or have consistency with either each other or its predecessors - provided Gamefreak doesn't do something stupid like take it to its relativistic extreme a generation later, but that would hardly be ORAS's fault by your logic."

"Your forgetting your home generation being parallel with Generation 2, which puts every Generation into a spot on the timeline," the Ice-Dragon leaned in. "If you don't believe that Pokemon is taking things to is relativistic extreme, then how do you explain... Whitewashed Archie?!"

"He was tanned!" Genesect cried out in horror as he darted across the screen. All three Legendary Pokemon took a slow blink before Arceus returned to the debate.

"And where is the evidence that Gen IV was concurrent with Gen II in game? Furthermore, where does that draw a fully coherent timeline from? And quite simple; he went to a cheap tanning booth."

Kyurem shook his head and resisted the urge to growl. "The opening screen goes over the Lake of Rage incident. And you're nitpicking, Arceus, making me establish a timeline just to prove what everyone knows; that no one wants to see their story get convoluted!"

The Alpha only made a motion akin to shrugging.

"The television report your character starts out watching only mentions the hunt for the Red Gyrados; it doesn't mention Ethan/Lyra capturing it, and as the Red Gyrados existed before they set out on their journey, the only thing it succeeded in doing was hinting towards a Johto remake. As for convoluted, no; it's quite simple; Gens I-V happened in another dimension that may or may not have had Kalos, while Gen VI and onwards has all of the original V generations in it. That is the totality of the overall implications. The ingame implications are that opening a wormhole on a scientific guess could just be dooming another world to destruction - a simple concept to grasp."

Kyurem paused for a moment, and then felt his maw straightening into a thin line. "Did this happen in the adult or child Link timeline?"

"But why male models?" Arceus returned with a roll of the eye.

"And now for something completely different: my verdict," Mew said, loudly enough to get both the legend's attentions. "Well, Arcy wins this round, Kyurem; you gave up most of his points early on and the main lore change in contention was an offhand comment that didn't have much of an impact on the story proper. 0-1."

Gameplay Changes – Mega Evolution

"Did Fire Red's story include Team Rocket stealing dark types? Did Heart Gold have Petrel try to unlock the secrets of the physical-special split? No, they didn't. So why does OR/AS have to change the entire world to revolve around Mega Evolution? A good remake- scratch that: every remake incorporates any new mechanics to improve the game with little fanfare, yet OR/AS has the gall to force feed us more Mega Evolution lore that no one wants. Let's not forget that the mechanic is gimmicky and had a bad tendency to make powerful Pokemon like Garchomp and Mewtwo even more overpowered. Even assuming that the mechanic didn't deserve to be sidelined like it thankfully was in S/M, its still horribly underutilized. The Elite Four and even some gym leaders should've had Mega Stones to start with. Yet another flaw carried from X/Y, though at least they tried by giving the Elite Four Mega Pokémon at all. And to top it all off, they didn't even update X/Y with the new Megas. Outstanding," Kyurem concluded, offering up a golf clap. Arceus sighed.

"Team Aqua/Magma's goals didn't change; they still wanted to alter the earth, and still did so with the Red and Blue Orbs. The only change that occurred was making the Red and Blue Orbs Mega Stones, which not only keeps their goals the same, but better explains how Kyogre and Groundon are capable of destroying the world's ecosystem, but seemingly never do every other time they pop up. But yes, overall Mega Evolution was to the detriment of ORAS. They handled it better than ORAS did - no double dipping Mega Evolutions, Mega Evolutions for Pokemon that were underpowered, etc. and providing some better lore for it. But overall they didn't go far enough to make it worth it."

"You can give-" Kyurem blinked, head whipping in the Alpha's direction. "Wait, you're actually agreeing with me?" the Ice Dragon blinked self-consciously when the Alpha nodded.

"And I had the perfect comeback, and would've gotten to use it too if I wasn't so right," Mew just shrugged at the mumbled statement.

"Well, looks like both are in agreement. 1-1."

Gamplay Change – Pokenav Features

"I'll go first, if that's all right," Arceus said. Neither Kyurem nor Mew objected. "The Pokenav kept all the functionality of the old Pokenav, improved upon some of its old mechanics, and even brought over the painful gimmicks of X/Y for those who actually liked them. Even the most rabid detractors of ORAS are forced to give it a 7.8/10 and then hand-wave it off by saying constant rematches are cheap and that time should have been spent on other parts of the game - of course, they also would have raised a fuss if time hadn't been spent on the Pokenav either."

It was Kyurem's turn to sigh.

"As much as I hate to give up one so easily, I have to agree. The updates to the pokenav were harmless at worst and welcome changes at best. I personally enjoyed not having to look at Pokeamie, super training and my lack of friends on the internet browser. That said, the rematches came too fast and they- Hey, wait a minute, you said my lines!"

Mew leaned in to Arceus' side.

"Did you read the script? Is that the script behind you on the floor, Arceus?"

Arceus' eyes flashed, and the tile in question flipped itself over.

"Anyways…" Mew said nervously. "Arcy's argument is super-effective. 1-2."

Gameplay Change – Super Contests and Berries

Kyurem sighed again. "I'll try to ignore the grave that I'm digging myself into and admit that there isn't much to complain about regarding contests. The only real gripe I have is the addition of mega evolution to the mechanics, which gives the player an unfair advantage over most of the NPCs. Other than that, most of the game seems unchanged, and Hoenn's contests were already superior to Sinnoh's."

Arceus raised the equivalent of an eyebrow, glancing at Kyurem out of the corner of his eyes.

"That Pokeblocks required no effort to make removed a fun minigame from the mix, but otherwise Contests in substances were unchanged from their R/S/E days. The inclusion of Mega Evolution and the ability of a few important NPCs to make use of them in Contests actually gave Mega Evolutions some relevance outside of battles and presented some more challenging opponents, and a better GUI is always welcome. Though I fail to see how someone can say that the backwater contests those Punky Bruster-wannabes in Hoenn engage in are somehow superior to Sinnoh's."

The boundary Pokemon blinked, heady rearing back. "You actually like that sad excuse for a ballet? I didn't know that you put Spear Pillar in Sinnoh just so you could play dress-up with Fantina!"

"Reducing Contests to nothing more than Pokemon dressing up in costumes, posing for a few seconds, before firing moves into thin air is a poor excuse of an alternative to actual battles," Arceus replied with a growl.

"Uh, this isn-" Mew's voice was quickly drowned out.

"At least Hoenn didn't force in the Chinese bootleg of (that DS rhythm game with the three men in suits)! And while were talking about being luck-based, Sinnoh's three judges manages to take the problem up to eleven!"

"At least Sinnoh had judges!" Arceus roared back. "And, for that matter, required you actually pay attention!"

"Okay, let's all just-" Mew's grip on her papers tightened when neither showed any signs of hearing her.

"Judges that hated your costumes no matter how fitting you thought they were. Because it was so easy to figure out which costume item fit which category. Of course, then you'd have to pick 100 berries or walk around the park for an hour-"

"LADIES!" Mew finally shouted, to the surprise of both Legendaries. The New Species Pokemon shot both a harsh glance. "Thank you. Now, if we can get back to the topic on hand: 1-3. You go first next round, Arcy."

Gameplay Change – Hidden Bases

"The additions to Hidden Bases were all solid, and if we hadn't gotten them the people complaining about their inclusion at the expense of the base game would be complaining about their exclusion."

"The only bad things about the secret bases are the fact that they spent so much time on them instead of working on other things, and the mounting suspicion I have that this entire debate is rigged in Arceus's favor," Kyurem said in his usual gravelly voice, eyes gravitating to the levitating Pokemon across from him.

"He's onto us…" the Alpha mumbled to Mew. "Quick: get KFILE!"

She only shook her head. "1-4."

Gameplay Change – Elite Four

Kyurem's claw met the podium.

"Oh geez, don't get me started on the Elite Four! Somehow, Hoenn's E4 manages to be even worse than the four-pokemon E4s of Unova and Kalos! Sidney's team is the only interesting one, but it's too bad that half of his Pokémon can't even use their STAB because Dark is a special attack! Phoebe doesn't make use of the few ghost types in Hoenn without a Shedninja and is completely forgettable, even with that outfit. By contrast, Glacia is very memorable. For being the worst Elite Four member in the series. Whoever decided to put an Ice leader in Hoenn deserves to never work on a video game again. Drake is the toughest, but only because of his typing. I mean, Shelgon?" Kyurem huffed and crossed his arms. "And there you have it. The worst E4 in Pokémon history."

Arceus only blinked.

"And... this is a fault of ORAS how? Especially in light of ORAS doing away with the double-dipping in the Hoenn E4's teams and having them actually level up after you win."

Kyurem paused, blinked slowly, and almost blushed.

"Oh wait, we're talking about the remakes, aren't we? Sorry, I'm just still in shock over the original." The Ice Type let out a frozen sigh and waved off the Alpha. "Yeah, whatever, I guess OR/AS is an improvement. If anything, they didn't go far enough on improvements. Ditch Sidney's Mightyena and give them Mega Evolutions, for starters."

"Why Kyurem, I think you might actually be warming up to ORAS," Arceus said, almost smiling.

"I would never admit to enjoying such a sloppily-made game!" Kyurem crossed his arms and let his face drop into a more neutral façade. "I'm also literally incapable of warming up to something."

"I'll just count up the tally before Kyurem goes full-blown tsundere: 1-5."

Gameplay Change – Soaring

"Are we done with the pointless gimmicks yet?" Kyurem growled. Mew shook her head. "No? Whatever. I can see how someone could enjoy soaring, but overall it only served to make the Pokemon universe feel even smaller than it actually is. Geographically, you can't exactly call each region very large, as a video game can only be so big, but at least the sprite graphics allowed the player more imagination as to what each region actually looked like. Thanks to suspension of disbelief, Goldenrod and Rustboro can feel like sprawling or industrial cities. The jump to 3D really hurts the suspension of disbelief. In fact, Game Freak's attempts to make the biggest cities of all time end up making the Pokemon universe smaller as a whole, since each city has to be bigger and better than the last. However, the jump to 3D had to be done at some point, and this is mostly an unfortunate side effect. Soaring, on the other hand, did not need to happen, and now that suspension of disbelief is completely broken when the player can just fly from one end of the region to the other a real-time second. The HM Fly usually does make each region feel smaller thanks to the quick travelling, but at least the exact mechanics of it are hand-waved. Soaring actually takes more time than Fly, yet it managed to make Hoenn feel smaller than the old HM ever could. All in all, this gimmick took away much more than it brought to the table."

Arceus nodded.

"While necessary for the way the new Mirage Spots mechanics work, and admittedly fun to fly on your Lati of choice – if not being more practical than the previous gimmicks as well – this is one of the lesser additions to ORAS and overall hurt the theme and setting of the game."

"Yes, finally!" Kyurem said, pumping his stubby claw. "Can you say 'Comeback,' Arceus?"

"Comeback," the Alpha deadpanned.

"Gen IV," Mew continued. "2-5."

Gameplay Change – Mirage Spots

"Speaking of making a world feel larger," the Ice Type continued. "One of the best ways to do it is to add a sense of mystery to the world. From the lost woods of the original Zelda to the strange happenings in Undertale, leaving secrets to be found is a great way to get the player intrigued with the world. I'm not going to attempt that Game Freak is the master of this, but in Generations 3 and 4, the events served this very purpose. Having the locked inn at Canalave and the strange meteors in Veilstone were some event-exclusive content that forever intrigued some players, and the Celebi event in HG/SS is usually seen as the pinnacle of event-exclusive content. Generation 3's greatest event is the Deoxys one, which started the trend for fun event-exclusive content. Mirage Spot completely forgets about leaving mystery in Hoenn and instead just plops the legendaries into random caves to be found. No puzzles, no new story content, no nothing. I suppose that it makes it easier to grind for perfect IVs if you're a competitive nerd."

Arceus only shook his head. "The original Mirage Island in R/S/E would only be appear if you happened to roll a success in a meteorically vast RNG generator. Most people never got it, and the only thing on the island were berries and Wynaut, which didn't give you much of a feeling of a reward on the off chance you actually did discover it. Whereas Deoxys was refurbished from being an event to being a prominent part in the Epilogue of ORAS - an Epilogue that pays homage to the event that frustrated so many kids back in the early 2000s - the rest of the event Pokemon of Hoenn remain as they were back in 2003. The only legendary Pokemon ORAS added in as Mirage Spots were Pokemon that were never in the Originals to begin with. Though, that's not to say they didn't give any newer Pokemon their own puzzles: as Regigagas appears if you have the other three Regis. And, frankly, I would prefer just a cave - which not even Gen IV was above using - to the game of tag that started in R/S/E and became incrementally more frustrating across the titles that after X/Y, Gamefreak just decided to cut them out of future installments altogether."

"We can all agree that roaming Pokemon was a bad idea, no doubt about that," the Boundary Pokemon said in a rare show of graciousness. "But OR/AS isn't excused quite yet. Heart Gold and Soul Silver set the precedent, adding in much more content for almost all of the legendaries that were unavailable previously."

"Kanto's roster of Legendary Pokemon amounted to only five - one of which was not even in the original game. Johto's roster amounts to only six. Of those, only five would be technically available to a HG/SS player without trading, and only four without wireless," the Alpha replied. "That's not much to add onto, and only a little extra padding was created by adding in an opportunity to catch a member of the Hoenn Weather Trio."

"Yet OR/AS couldn't add in a single event, even for the Gen 6 legendaries that were tied to the Mega Evolution that Game Freak was so obsessed with? Seems like pure laziness to me," Kyurem shot back.

"As mentioned before," The Normal Type replied with a slight air of annoyance. "Regigigas was added to the ORAS roster, while Deoxys and Rayquaza were given events in the form of their own Epilogue. That, needless to say, is more effort than Gamefreak has put into any event Pokemon than before."

Mew only shrugged.

"While I can see how a lot of the additions were harmful to the game, the Mirage Spots system sounds benign at worst and an improvement over its predecessor at best. 2-6."

Gameplay Change – Difficulty

"Emerald was the first third version to actually take things up a notch and make the game more difficult, and considering that Game Freak successfully ramped up the difficulty for both FR/LG and HG/SS, it would seem only natural that they'd take their own advice and leave in the difficulty changes made in Emerald." Kyurem adopted an icy grin. "Nope. Not only is every Gym Leader worse than their Emerald counterpart, but some of them are actually worse than their R/S incarnations. Wattson's Pokemon don't even have four moves for pete's sake! Even the characters that weren't nerfed or, once in a blue moon, made more difficult, are still hit by power creep since the player can mega evolve whenever he wants to and use Poke Amie to gain even better effects than the badge system back in the day."

"Pokeamie, while doubtlessly powerful and doubtlessly even more annoying, was entirely up to player volition: it was only a powercreep in as much as the player allowed it to be. The same with Mega Evolution."

Kyurem snorted. "Bah, even without those add-ons, you can't deny that there's still a power creep. I mean, Volt Switch at level 21?"

"Oh come now, that's not too terrible," Arceus said quietly.

"Yes it is," the Boundary Pokemon replied, arms crossed.

"No, it's not," the Normal Type said.

"It is."

"Isn't."

"Is!"

"Isn't."

"It isn't!"

"It is!" Arceus shouted back before allowing himself a self-conscious blink. "Oh, blimey."

Mew just nodded.

"Yeah, gotta agree with Kyurem on this one, Arcy. You didn't even try to argue against the Gym Leaders, and most of the players who liked ORAS also actively used PokeAmie, nevermind the elitists who'll use anything. 3-6."

Story Changes – Main Story

"In retrospect," Kyurem began. "Ruby and Sapphire's story took some risks for the time. This was the first time that the player saved the world, the first (and only) time that his dad was present, and the first time that your rival was actually your friend. The story did its job and gave us a few memorable moments along the way. In OR/AS, the story is mostly the same, which is fine, but every one of the few changes is for the worse. In R/S, your rival subverts Blue and Silver's pattern of fighting them at the end of the game, but that's completely gone from OR/AS. The story is now centered around Mega Evolution, and as I've said before, basing your game around a mechanic is not how you make a good story. It's even worse now that Sun and Moon have shown that Mega Evolution has been completely dropped to the wayside. Let's face it: OR/AS is the equivalent of the 90's cartoons trying to look hip and cool during its time."

"R/S/E did indeed take some risks for its time, and it was the best Pokemon story - for its time. Despite that, it would become severely deficient in practically every metric a single generation later," Arceus said, not even bothering to hide his pride at the statement. "Gamefreak was smart enough to realize that while FR/LG and HG/SS could work with the story and character still being light, the same couldn't be said for ORAS. For all the complaints about difficulty, ORAS had significantly more characterization and story than its predecessor. Steven took an actual role in the game - an active one, something we hadn't actually seen since BW in regards to a champion - Archie and Maxie had a real confrontation where in the original R/S/E they just always showed up a second too late, and May/Brendan feel more rounded and relevant as characters as opposed to just popping up at certain points in the story and then running off. The game's plotline still revolved around what the original one did: stopping the destruction of Hoenn and becoming the League Champion. Being given a Keystone and Groundon and Kyogre having primal forms thanks to the Red and Blue Orbs being turned into mega stones - which actually gives them some real lore, rather than being undefined McGuffins - does in no way make the story revolve around Mega Evolution, especially since it's brought up only when it's relevant. Unlike, say, X/Y. Overall it largely realizes what R/S/E could have been."

"The same very well could've been said for OR/AS." Kyurem shot back. "I'd much rather have the same story as R/S/E over Game Freak trying to look hip by trying to make Kyogre and Groudon look cooler by raising their power level over 9000."

Kyurem's head whipped in the direction of the non-existent camera when his comment was greeted with the sound of prerecorded booing.

"Hey, if Game Freak can make the 9000 joke in 2013, then so can I in the current year! Anyways, I can hear the boardroom discussion now. 'Oh no Jim, those kids won't find Kyogre cool anymore, he's just a whale! We gotta add some of those flashy light effects like the glow sticks they wave at the raves! I think we can at least agree on one thing, Arceus. At least Norman is just as awkward a father as before, leading to endless fan speculation as to his ability as a parent."

The Alpha's response was a shrug.

"I will acquiesce his decision to sit around in a wooden building all day while his twelve year old progeny decides to go scale a volcano and duke it out with Weather Underground leaves much to be desired, though better that than an anime episode dealing with possible infidelity. That said, Gamefreak was perfectly justified in their belief that people were not interested in the weather trio - outside of Rayquaza, of course. Before Generation VI, they were easily the most boring of the major legendary Pokemon, with their abilities no longer being unique to them and lacking any unique moves of their own in the way that the Gen II, IV, V and VI legendary duos all had. Sprucing up Pokemon who are supposedly capable of destroying the planet's ecosystem is a perfectly valid goal."

"Well..." Kyurem began slowly. "I'm telling Groudon what you said."

"He's usually too baked to do anything," Arceus then turned towards the non-existent camera. "I would just like to clarify for the younger viewership that Groundon is not a junkie, but simply that his mere presence raises the temperature to the point where numerous chemicals are released into the atmosphere, and hence why he prefers dry caves."

"I thought that was my thing," the Boundary Pokemon grumbled.

"No, that's letting Arcy get a lead over you," Mew commented absently, turning a page. "3-7. You go first next Arcy."

Story Changes – Delta Episode

"Many Pokemon games had Epilogues previously, but none of them went as far as the Delta Episode. It's a generally solid prologue barring a disappointing final match with Zinnia, adds in even more mythos to Hoenn, pays a nice homage to the old Deoxys event and Emerald in general, and addresses the gaping issue that Mega Evolution created by implying that Gen VI takes place in a different dimension - for better or worse, at least it does it in a way that doesn't feel forced."

"As much as I hate Zinnia, I have nothing to complain about that wasn't already covered earlier, and I can tell by this tough crowd that it isn't enough to sway the opinion. You win this round, Arceus." Kyurem's mien hardened. "And that final battle really was terrible."

"Agreed," the Alpha replied with a nod.

"Well, tentatively, 3-8." The Psychic Type looked up at the duo. "And speaking of Zinnia…"

Story Changes – Zinnia

"A complete Mary Sue," the Boundary Pokemon said with enough vitriol to make Mew slid back. "The word is tossed around a lot on certain websites, but it fits Miss Zinnia perfectly. At least, as Mary Sue as a Pokemon NPC can get. Some pre-teen was pulling the strings this whole time and tricked so many adults into fighting for something they believed in. Oh, you defeated Groudon and saved the world? Syke! Everything probably would've been fine anyways with Zinnia on the case! She proceeds to be one step ahead of everyone during the Delta Episode, has a tragic backstory and is so mad that the player one-up'd her by taking Rayquaza that she forces you to prove your worth to her again. With a team completely weak to the strongest Pokemon in the game."

"Zinnia is, easily, one of the most divisive characters in Pokemon-" Arceus blinked and looked down. "I really need to do an editorial on her - but is also one of its most underappreciated. Most of the people who call her a Mary Sue fail to realize that she was intentionally designed to come across as having some Sueish traits - because she was intended to be a deconstruction of the Pokemon player characters, albeit an older version of one. She believes she is the only one capable of saving the world, and tries to go at it alone. As have so many player characters in the past. It's only after realizing that no matter how much she tries it won't be enough on her own that she accepts help - again, mimicking the actions of past player characters as the series progressed. She was Lusamine before Lusamine was a thing. The backstory further solidifies this; she was never meant to be Lorekeeper, and instead had the role thrust on her by the death of Aster, who she was presumably related to and idolized. As for the puppetmaster accusation - there's actually not much weight to that. She only appeared as a grunt in a few scenes, and she only stated she helped Team x achieve their goals – they weren't exactly want for motivation – not that she orchestrated the whole plot. This was also used as a foiling point: just as Team Aqua and Magma were irreconcilable in their goals despite wanting the same thing, so were she and Steven irreconcilable in their methods."

"So you admit that she's a Mary Sue," the Ice-Dragon said with a chilling air of triumph. "I won't deny that there is a way to write a Sue-ish character well, but when a large part of your audience finds your character annoying for those traits, you've done it wrong. If we assume that Game Freak did intend to write Zinnia as a player character deconstruction, it was done at the expense of the actual player, who's made to feel like an NPC until the end. The countless Pokemon hacks that force you to lose battles have taught us that trying to tell a story at the expense of the player's fun doesn't work. This is especially true for Pokemon in particular, where the stories obviously can't be too risque to avoid selling less copies and not being child friendly. Why tell a lukewarm story and take away the player's fun and power as you do it? Regarding her pulling strings on the teams, it actually makes the story seem even more contrived that Zinnia happened to come across a team trying to summon a legendary Pokemon at the same time she wanted to stop the meteor. And your explanation doesn't fix the problem of Zinnia having the entire situation under control, making the player's main quest pointless."

"No," Arceus retorted, and if he had teeth Mew imagined he would be grinding them. "I said she was a subversion of the Player character, not a Mary Sue. People who hated ORAS simply took to the title since it could work without either thinking of the ramifications of why it could work, or how the story turned out for her: a Zinnia convinced she would have to sacrifice her life to save the world, and not feeling much hesitation over it since she knows she's not particularly liked - a trait a Mary Sue could never functionally have except in satire, which the Delta Episode clearly wasn't. What part of the nostalgia-blinded playerbase thinks does not invalidate what the other part of the playerbase thinks either, and I have a sneaking suspicion most of those people weren't having fun to begin with, so that can hardly be used as an argument. Plus this was Gen VI - Pokemon had been quietly stepping up the solemnity of the subjects in their games for two generations now. I'd also be curious in hearing how exactly it is contrived: she wanted to summon Rayquaza, and Team x wanted to disrupt the ecosystem, which would draw the Dragon's attention. It also clearly wasn't under her control, since she was just a grunt in the team that lost control of the situation, the player saved the world, and given she didn't have a supply of keystones from her time in a criminal organization - which seems like it would have been an ideal time to take them - she had to go on a robbery spree to commit a ritual she knew would likely end in her death."

Kyurem's smirk refused to budge. "Just as the playerbase that blindly accepts whatever Game Freak gives to them doesn't invalidate the other part that holds the company to a standard. If the Aqua/Magma plot wasn't contrived, that is, deliberately planned by Zinnia to get Rayquaza's attention, then it's quite the coincidence that, just as a meteor was headed towards earth, a completely unrelated organization was about to summon a legendary Pokemon that just happened to be able to summon another legendary Pokemon that could stop the meteor. It's either contrived, or extremely coincidental, even for a video game. And don't kid yourself, Arceus, Pokemon is a brand first and foremost, reaching a level of storytelling that excuses handicapping a player can't be reached while still raking in the dough. Take a look at the new Star Wars for proof."

"Oh come now, Kyurem," Arceus replied with a roll of the eyes. "Worse coincidences have existed in Pokemon, almost all of them belonging to the villains. You can hardly say that she planned it, and it was never stated how long the meteor had been-"

"Don't lecture me, Arceus," Kyurem growled out. "I see through the lies of the Delta Episode. If you're not with me... Then you're my enemy."

"Only a fanboy deals in absolutes," Arceus' features hardened after a sigh. "I will do what I must."

"You will try," Kyurem replied, frozen wings flapping. The massive Ice-Dragon then tried to flip over the podium, but only succeeded in getting a few inches off the ground before he slammed back down. Growling, he flipped the podium over instead.

"Gentlemen, there's no fighting here! This is the War Room!" Arceus just sighed and willed Kyurem's stand back upright. "Anyways, you both made excellent points, and so I think I'll just have to reflect the situation in the Pokemon fanbase and declare this a tie."

"Story Changes – Shippiness

"I knew that this dark day would come eventually," the Boundary Pokemon said wearily. "The day that I would have to discuss shipping. Well, there are only two "ships" in the game, and they're either completely irrelevant or a change for the worse. The relationship with the rival was put in at the expense of the more interesting rival plot in the original games, and the two lines that the Team Aqua admin says to the player are only there because it's so hilarious to see an older woman flirting with a young child. This shipping also most likely broke many preteen girl's hearts that their OTP wasn't canon."

"Despite the ceaseless pandering to the genwunners Gamefreak has been engaged in as of late - and ironically most of the Gen I nostalgia is actually a byproduct of Generation II - many of the persistent fans of Pokemon were those whose first games were either in Generation III or IV; fans who have grown up in the decade that passed," Arceus shot a side glance at Kyurem and he lifted his hands up in silent agreement. "Pokemon games had additionally been gradually and subtly adopting more mature themes and plots since Generation IV, and the shippiness in ORAS - from the more serious Rival, to Zinnia, Lisia and the admin of the villainous team who were largely just played for laughs - was another way of acknowledging that their audience had grown up without doing it at the expense of newer fans. That it was largely lost on the elitist crowd who have been crying for a more mature Pokemon for years and thrive on pretending Pokemon get killed when they get knocked out is true to form. Regardless, it added in more character growth to a number of otherwise neglectable characters, and makes for some entertaining moments."

"You're too desperate for Game Freak to give you something mature," Kyurem shot back, unimpressed. "Twelve year olds going out on a date is not a mature theme. If you ask me, trying to ship a mostly emotionless character with a character designed to be a blank slate, and then attempting to pass it off as a mature theme is a cop out from actually introducing mature themes. Drinking the kool-aid only enables Game Freak to make half-baked plots since they know that there will always be someone out there to defend their stories no matter what. It happened with Lysandre's trainwreck of an arc in X/Y, you remember all of the articles and videos back in the day about how Lysandre was the greatest villain of all time, and it's happening here. Of all the pseudo-mature elements to defend in this game, the shipping is the one that I least understand."

Arceus' eyes narrowed into slits, and Kyurem felt the temperature in the room rise slightly.

"I never said this was mature. To the contrary, I said that that it was a way of acknowledging that its audience had become more mature - well, at least the section that weren't crying about how ORAS managed to George Lucas their childhood, much like another set of genwunners - and then explicitly said without driving away newer fans. Most of it was largely played for laughs and only appeared in the background as well; you can hardly call it a theme. Fanservice would be more appropriate, but this is one of the times it's actually done unobtrusively."

"Whether or not shipping is a theme is irrelevant," Kyurem said, wiping his brow. "The question is that whether or not adding the shipping was beneficial to the story at all. As you said, it's unobtrusive. To put it in laymen's terms, it's pointless. The only effect it had on the plot was to change the rivalry between the player and May/Brendan, and that was for the negative. Going by your last point, the only thing you have to the shipping's credit is that it 'showed how the audience became more mature,' but without actually making the game more mature? That just makes is sounds like Pokemon stubbornly stayed in childhood while its audience grew too old for it." the Boundary Pokemon 'hmphed'. "Which doesn't seem to far from the truth."

"As the changes to the rival's story is its own category - which we might as well do next - I will beget you to not just belch out something like that without any further points," the Alpha replied, craning his neck well above the Ice-Dragon. "As for your other points: yes, it might have been largely useless to the plot, but one can argue that most character facets in general are useless to the plot. We don't need to know why someone is evil to know they're evil in a plot: but it certainly helps to have a fleshed out character. The shipping, regardless of whether or not it was being used seriously or just for kicks in a particular instance, helped flesh a number of characters out, who otherwise would have suffered for attention or screentime, and actually made some of your interactions with them interesting instead of stock repeats of 'fight me'. Additionally, it can be used to reflect some character back to the largely blank player character. And no, I said acknowledging: showing whether or not their audience was more mature is an entirely pointless endeavor, but quietly acknowledging that the people who played the originals have grown up shows, more than anything else, that Gamefreak actually cared about its audience and the remakes."

"Well, as you both make good points, I'll just declare the true OTP of ORAS to be KyuremxArceus!"

"ArceusxKyurem…" Arceus corrected quietly, eyes narrowed, while the Dragon just face-clawed. Mew seemed oblivious.

"Onto the rival's story!"

Story Changes – Rival

"As said before," the Boundary Pokemon began. "Ruby and Sapphire tried to change things up, and the rivalry between May and Brendan was no exception. Generation I had your rival one step ahead of you at all times until the ending. Generation II had the rival be constantly present in the overworld, equally feared by Team Rocket and had him challenge his ideology against yours. In Generation III, instead of having your rival be equal to you in at least some measure, May/Brendan starts the game off wanting to be the player's mentor, only to discover that the player is better than them in almost every way. Before you try and brush this off as some crackpot theory, let me remind you, Arceus, that Ruby and Sapphire wasn't the flashy story-fest of the later generations, but rather a transition into said flashy story-fests. Anyways, there are multiple pieces of evidence proving my interpretation. Ruby/Sapphire are the only games where you are forced to defeat your rival during the first battle, the only main rival that doesn't fully evolve their starter, and have the rival seem jealous when the player becomes champion. OR/AS takes this and completely trashes it, most likely due to many fans complaining that the rival wasn't powerful enough, and makes May/Brendan follow the exact same story beats as before. It all culminates in a climactic end battle that is definitely not a rip off of Gary, Silver, Barry and Serena/Calem. Oh no, this one is completely different because we shipped the rivals together this time! What a wasted opportunity."

"I don't doubt that R/S/E did indeed try to subvert the previous norms when it came to rivals, but you're forgetting one very important thing when it comes to that, Kyurem: Wally. Wally was introduced as a prototype second rival, and took your real rival's place in Victory Road after one battle in Mauville. He completely upset the screentime and subverted a subversion to unsatisfactory results. Now, I'm not discounting possible intent behind the plot - intent that would likely not have emerged had Wally not been around - but the issue is that it is a sub-story," Arceus turned to the non-existent camera. "For those of you not in the know, this lug subscribes to the belief that the reason why the R/S/E rival doesn't challenge you for the league or post-game is that you beat them so badly they give up on battling entirely. Ignoring Wally's existence and the fact that the game explicitly sets up your rival as being Professor Birch's assistant - two rather large holes in this theory, which I will admit has more than enough credence to be possible - it's also just a poor and inconsistent sub-story. First, it's just incredibly mean-spirited for a Pokemon game, and is entirely uncharacteristic of the series."

"Secondly, it just outright makes no sense. You fight your rival only four times, and the last time you fight them is outside the Lilycove Mall: before you get your seventh badge. They apparently decide then and there that they will never match up to you, despite your journey not being anywhere near complete. But then they suddenly turn around, and after you win against Steven, they barge into the room, apparently having defeated the Elite Four - something you just did - but apparently that's not enough to say they have a chance to take you on. This incoherent mess is further compounded by the fact that they express some form of jealously and desire to take the title Champion for themselves one day: except you never get to battle them postgame despite them clearly having enough skill to defeat the Elite Four, because apparently they're too crushed by their defeat to go on. ORAS fixed this incoherent mess by removing the jealousy from the subplot, without actually removing the sub-plot itself: your rival instead decides to actually share one final battle with you post-game, because if they worked themselves up that far why should they give up then and there? - and then expresses the desire to concede your rivalry after you beat them then; at the end of your journey." Arceus turned back to Kyurem.

"It also can't be compared to the above rivals, as the first example is the champion, and the remaining three all challenge you on victory road – as opposed to postgame like May/Brendan. You also get no experience from this battle, which adds much more narrative depth to it than the much touted theory."

Kyurem sighed. "Some of your points are valid, I won't deny that. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if Wally was originally added in as a fail-safe in case their original rival idea failed. But I'm still going to disagree overall. First off, your point that the original plot is too mean-spirited. Need I remind you that the original games end with Gary's grandfather scolding him for losing to the player? And going from the first game to the most recent, in Sun/Moon, Lusamine's parenting skills are... much to be desired. So I wouldn't say that it's too out of character for a Pokémon game to follow my suggested plot."

"Then there is your claim that the new plot is better. You say it yourself, OR/AS took out any allusions to jealousy while fixing the ending to the original plot. But what are we left with? With no jealousy subplot, what makes the final battle any different from Red and Blue's, besides the fact that you're the champion first? OR/AS provides the tools to fix a flawed plot from the original, but then takes out the plot altogether in favor of its "Showing-the-Audience's-Maturity" shipping mess."

Arceus' eyes narrowed, albeit more mildly than before. "And there are two vital flaws in your retort. A): Gary had taken almost every chance to be mean or rude to you every time he met you. Oak scolding him was the game giving you some further vindication beyond beating him once and for all, and acknowledging the fact he is an unlikeable character. May/Brendan, on the other hand, did nothing wrong. They were nothing but nice and helpful to you across your journey, and for the game - and by proxy your character - to do that to them is just cruel and unnecessary. And B): Lusamine is not only the plot twist leader of the villainous team and clinically insane, she also appeared after we had Gen IV and V villains the likes of Cyrus, Dusknoir, Darkrai and Ghetsis. She can hardly be used as a litmus test for the sub-plot regarding the rival of R/S/E."

"And are you really so eager to dismiss ORAS' plot changes that you can't see the obvious implications that this is an inherently more mature plot than the originals? Yes, shipping was involved, or at least can be implied. That is also not inherently bad, especially since it wasn't forced (at least, until after the epilogue). But tell me, Kyurem, what's more mature: petty jealousy, a complete lack of confidence despite being completely qualified, kicking someone while they're down for no reason, and having no internal logic? Or the lesson of being able to bow out with grace, maintain a friendship despite disappointment, and having a logically consistent sequence of events. If R/S/E's sub-plot was true, it made for an emotionally and logically inconsistent character who was just kicked around for no good reason, and their inconsistency can perhaps be attributed to the stress from it, or feeding into it - either way, good material for a creepypasta or tragedy, but not much else and certainly not a good rival character. Whereas ORAS maintains the idea of the plot without making it illogical by not having your rival be needlessly vindictive, give up before you've reached the height of your power, and instead accept defeat after your final battle post-league. something a mature character would do."

Kyurem just crossed his arms.

"Thank you for further proving my point. Cyrus, Dusknoir, Darkrai and Ghetsis are all further proof that Pokemon has tried many times to look at a more mature theme. To varying degrees of success. The rival character bowing out gracefully and remaining friends with the player even after defeat? Gee, I've never heard that one before. Barry, Cheren, Bianca, N, Trevor, Shauna and Serena called, they want their character arc back. The only difference is that most of them, sans Barry, who gets an excuse for being the first one to use this arc, and the X/Y rivals, had something else going on beyond their defeat to the player. Brendan and May mix it up with... Shipping. Ruby and Sapphire's rival might be inconsistent, but at least they did something different with the player rivalry. And honestly, it's even more refreshing to see Brendan and May lose in Ruby and Sapphire since the past four generations have done the exact same rival story over and over."

Arceus' eyes narrowed even further. "And thank you for further demonstrating you're missing the point: darker themes for villains. Not for your twelve year old rival. As for your other examples? Barry never gave up. Neither did Cheren. Bianca arguably, but she could hardly be said to have shared the player's goals. N? He left because he realized his whole life had been a lie. Trevor and Shauna - who were they again? Serena? She never gave up either. May/Brendan are the only character who decided to retire their goals - in competition with yours - in grace. And please, do point to the shipping in the story - last I recall, the shipping only really occurs after the main story, and after they lost."

Kyurem threw his arms up. "Ah, so Pokemon can be darker, but only the parts that you want, eh? I guess you hated Lillie, Gladion and N as well. A quick search shows that Barry resigns to go win at the battle tower instead of the league, Cheren locks himself in Victory Road, then becomes a gym leader, and Serena... Well, not even Bulbapedia seems to be able to sort through that mess. Finally, if the shipping comes after the main story, then we're left where we started: a barebones 'beat your rival but remain friends' plot to appeal to the masses."

Arceus shook his head. "You're grasping at straws, Kyurem. The question is whether or not the change was for the better, not whether or not Pokemon games should be darker - and frankly I'm surprised you of all people would be advocating for unnecessary edginess. The original R/S/E gave us an inconsistent story with illogical characters and a wonky sequence of events. ORAS gave us a consistent story with likeable characters who have a natural progression and emerge as character capable of behaving in a mature way that, as a result, still maintains the original subversion of your rival giving up on their dreams of beating you without being pointlessly mean-spirited, like an edgy thirteen year old writing their first fanfiction and needlessly punishing an insert of the older sibling who keeps showing them up. It should not be hard to see which is better. As for Barry: he trains at the Battle Tower with the express purpose in mind of defeating you, and Cheren still wants to get stronger. ORAS still maintains the idea of the rival giving up the desire to become stronger than you, except it actually is the first game in the series to do it, since R/S/E having the rival be jealous of you completely contradicts their stated resignation."

Kyurem just growled and slammed his claw into the podium. "I've had enough of you complaining about R/S/E's rival plot, Arceus! It is not as bad as you claim it is."

Arceus straightened his neck, ruby orbs gazing down at the Dual Type below. "Yes, it is."

"No it isn't."

"Yes it is."

"No it isn't."

"You know, this isn't even a debate anymore," the Alpha replied, exasperated. Kyurem just crossed his claws.

"Yes it is."

"No it isn't, a debate involves both sides explaining their sides, not just contradicting each other!" the Alpha cried out.

"No it doesn't."

"Yes it does!"

"No it doesn't."

"Yes it does!"

"No it-" Kyurem blinked. "Wait, didn't we do this sketch already?"

"No we didn't."

"Yes we-"

"SHUUUUUT UUUUUP!" Mew finally screamed out, slamming her stubby paws into the stool. Arceus and Kyurem both moved a step back. "SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!"

Story Changes – New Characters

"We've already discussed the elephant in the room, but I'll say it again: Zinnia was a Mary Sue," Kyurem said forcefully, letting out a breath afterwards. "As for the few others, Lisia was interesting enough, props to Game Freak for doing what they seem incapable of: giving an NPC a Mega Pokemon, but she still can't hold up to arguably the only other interesting contest character: Johanna. The rest of the new characters were irrelevant. Oh, and since this won't fall into any other category, let me just say that shoehorning Looker in the game and giving him amnesia was pointless."

The Alpha nodded quietly.

"Lisia was a solid addition that even the genwunners can't complain against, and the rest of the new characters - few as they were - were entirely unobstrusive. Overall there's very little to actually criticize here, but not much to praise either."

"Well…" Mew uttered, almost relieved. "That was anti-climatic. A tie I guess?"

Story Changes – Character Redesigns

"While Wallace's design was remade to be as foppish as possible, his underlying personality remained largely unchanged, and for the better," Arceus began. "And while ORAS missed more than it hit with the actual redesigns of the characters, the character's whose personalities got redesigned were all invariably left for the better. Steven was given an actual personality beyond being a good samaritan with a love of rocks - aided largely by his interactions with Zinnia in the Delta Episode. Wally wasn't exactly redesigned, but his character did become notably more expressive and powerful over his appearances which - while it doesn't excuse his still sloppy execution - was a better implementation of it. As for the villainous teams, if they were the recipients of some of the worst redesigns, they also got the most character. In the original R/S/E, the Magma and Aqua admins all shared the same dialogue, verbatim. Maxie and Archie avoided this, but only to the extent they weren't complete copy-cats; if it weren't for the color coding, you probably wouldn't have been able to tell one eco-terrorist from the other. In ORAS, however, the facelift the teams got was at least beneficial in terms of their character: all the admins now have distinctive personalities - with Courtney, who was the only admin not available to battle against in Emerald, arguably being the best of the redesigns - and Archie and Maxie are now entirely distinctive from one another. That they actually fight this time around over the Legendary rather than one showing up a second too late is all the better. Even some of the Gym Leaders got their personalities fleshed out, Roxanne of all getting the most attention."

"Yeah, the personality changes were definitely the best aspect of OR/AS. It's nice to see that all that focus on story didn't completely go to waste," Kyurem said with a small smile. Arceus blinked in shock.

"You... You're actually praising ORAS!?" the Ice-Dragon waved him off.

"Bah, humbug."

Mew grinned. "That's the Kyurem we know and wish would update. 3-9."

Story Changes – Legendaries

"Game Freak missed a huge opportunity to right some of its past wrongs." Kyurem growled. "First of all, it's still an insult to the original legendaries to say that Kyogre and Groudon needed to go super saiyan in order to do any actual damage to the earth. Next, let's recall that in Gen 4, my opponent here, showed that there are some all-powerful Pokemon gods... That can be held inside a Pokeball by a ten-year-old. GF could've had Primal Groudon and Kyogre be unobtainable, showing how Pokemon need that extra boost to reach their full power, and it's only the weakened form that can be captured. But nope, Game Freak had to add more overpowered Pokemon for the competitive leagues to use, so now vanilla Kyogre and Groudon are completely obsolete both story-wise and gameplay-wise. Aren't remakes supposed to celebrate their original versions?"

"Ignoring the fact that there would have been an uproar had any Primal Form been unobtainable - or the opportunistic complaining against elitists by my very distinguished colleague - yes, the practical changes to the Legendaries were for the worst." Arceus conceded with a heavy sigh. "The idea behind the Red and Blue Orbs was actually a very good one, but it didn't pan out well - even if Groundon and Kyogre were in desperate need of that buff."

"Well," Mew began slowly. "We can only hope that the Sinnoh remakes will Make Arcy Great Again! 4-9."

Aesthetic Changes – Redesigned Characters

"Moving onto the actua design of the characters," Kyurem said, a bit louder than either of the other legendaries preferred. "It's mostly for the worse. The player characters look younger, and Brendan lost his signature hat/hair that no one can figure out. The team admins definitely needed a redesign, but the team went way overboard and made them look like something out of some shonen anime. The gym leaders that received design changes look worse, with special mention to Brawly for looking particularly awful in the remake. There are a couple good redesigns, though. Maxie comes to mind."

"Aside from the few good redesigns - Steven, Maxie, Courtney, Roxanne, and probably one or two more - there's very little to praise," Arceus said, deflated. "Both the protagonists are left for the worse, May's distinctive bandanna was axed, Wallace became too fabulous for his own good, and even many of the minor redesigns like Flannery's were uninspired."

"Don't forget the reverse white-washing of Archie," the Alpha just nodded numbly at the Boundary Pokemon's comment. Mew checked off another item on her list.

"5-9. You're up Arcy."

Aesthetic Changes – Sound

"The ORAS soundtrack is a combination of loving remastered tracks from the original R/S/E games, and its own new creations: many of the new themes - Zinnia's and Wally's in particular - quickly became both fan favorites and heralded as some of the best themes in the series overall. Not even the most ardent haters of the remakes can find fault in its soundtrack."

"The original soundtrack's trumpets will always be meme-worthy and have a special place in all Pokemon fans' hearts, but there's no denying that there's nothing wrong with the new soundtrack." Kyurem said neutrally. "One of the few pitfalls that HG/SS fell into was going too overboard with the remastered songs, and OR/AS managed to avoid it."

"Would you like some pudding to take that pill with?" Arceus said, almost happily.

"Just some Fiji water, please," Kyurem returned with a wave of the hand.

"And Arcy gets payback for the beginning of the debate. 5-10."

Aesthetic Changes – Location Design

"Related to the fanfare soundtrack, R/S had light, bright colors to show off the new graphics of the time, and it fit perfectly. OR/AS is much more drab and dark by comparison, missing the tone of the original games. The cave walls are also incredibly ugly. Once again, there's also the problem of too much empty space in each area, which is mostly a scaling issue."

"Having larger locations that felt vast suited the theme of exploration very well - you actually have to look for stuff - and while the color is subjective, the darker tones fits more to the idea that you're actually exploring secluded places."

"Eh, this one comes down largely to personal taste. I declare a tie."

Aesthetic Changes – Graphics

"Ah yes, I've been waiting for this," Kyurem said with a certain amount of glee. "Outside of battle, the chibi artwork was a terrible idea and has aged horribly. Considering that almost the entire story takes place while staring at the player's blank, smiling face, almost all of the dramatic tension is taken away. In the overworld, there isn't a single model that looks good, or at least wouldn't look ten times better if actual proportions were used. In-battle, though X and Y was the game that introduced these models, OR/AS confirmed everyone's fears that we'd be seeing these abominations for years down the line. The majority of the 3D Pokemon models look worse than their sprite counterparts, and many of them are very unfaithful to the proportions and colors of their original artwork. We also have to deal with the hovering flying types that were only put in for the pointless Sky Battles. Xatu, Purrloin and Blastoise are the best examples of all of my points."

"The Pokemon models are subjective - I never noticed anything wrong with them - but X/Y's chibi artwork left much to be desired, though I give them credit for adding in more expressions for the NPCs than X/Y did have," Arceus' eyes narrowed. "Now if only they could have let the player character actually make use of some of them."

"Those models aren't anywhere near Red and Green bad, but they're close enough to give Kyurem the point. 6-10."

Overall – Comparison to FR/LG HG/SS

"OR/AS are by far the weakest remakes," the Dragon declared with a certain amount of triumph. "Firered and Leafgreen are the greatest remakes of the series, in that they were the most faithful to the original games while still updating the graphics and mechanics. Heartgold and Soulsilver aren't as faithful to their predecessors, but they're the best standalone games of the remakes. Omegaruby and Alphasapphire are neither of these. They're inferior remakes to FR/LG for many reasons, but most notably for the power creep. In FR/LG every battle was either just as difficult or even more challenging in the original. The player isn't suddenly more powerful because of the Physical/Special split. In OR/AS, the player is given tons of new tools to use while none of the NPCs are updated enough to stand a chance against him. Wally's Roselia is a lot less threatening in Generation 6 than it was in Generation 3. HG/SS actively fixed many of the mistakes of the original, be it the late game grinding problem or the lack of content. OR/AS actually cut out content from the original while never fixing any problems. Look at it this way: In FR/LG, they didn't touch the Safari Zone at all. In HG/SS, they took the time to add a whole new Safari Zone and tried to make it more fun than any other iteration. In OR/AS, they took the lazy route and just made the Safari Zone no different from any other route. That's how you judge these remakes."

"I disagree on a few points," Arceus began calmly. "First, to say that ORAS fixed nothing. You yourself were forced to concede it fixed multiple problems with R/S/E's characterization and the villainous teams, and regardless of the originality of it, it's presentation of the rival subplot was much more coherent and logical, it actually gave some preexisting mythos to the legendary Pokemon - rather than just having them literally fall out of the sky in the middle of the plot - and characters aside from the player and their rivals actually do something. As for Fire Red and Leaf Green - I agree they were excellent remakes only in the sense that the originals were so barebones, unbalanced and disinteresting that Gamefreak would have actively tried to sabotage their own product to make FR/LG worse than the originals - and considering they fixed many outstanding issues with Gen I, I don't think anyone can call them faithful to it, except perhaps faithful to the nostalgia. But, I'm not going to contest they're better or even approach HG/SS; they are easily the second best games of the main series - second only to Platinum, of course - and OR/AS simply has too many flaws to adequately contend with them, except perhaps in worldbuilding. I can only hope Gamefreak will look to HG/SS's methodology when remaking Sinnoh, and hopefully not import any of the power creep that began in X/Y. Speaking of which..."

"That's a long way to say that I'm right!" Kyurem exclaimed. Arceus just let out a 'humph'.

"The score is saying Arcy's still right in spite of it. 7-10."

"7.8-10," the Alpha mumbled.

Overall – Comparison to X/Y

"OR/AS is a better game than X/Y-" the Boundary Pokemon's head whipped back to Arceus. "-But before you go gloating, the only reason that it's a better game is because it's a remake of an already-better game. And much like The Force Awakens versus the Prequels, whether or not that gives OR/AS any points is up for debate. Many of the problems from X/Y are translated directly into OR/AS. The bad graphics, Mega Evolution, pointless gimmicks like Pokeamie and decreased difficulty are only the tip of the iceberg. Of the extremely few things that OR/AS improved on, the difficulty is slightly better than X/Y, and the colors are better. I'd say that the game feels more finished than X/Y but I can't do so in good conscience with that Battle Frontier model sitting there and laughing."

"Much like you said, OR/AS is a better game than X/Y because it's based on a game better than X/Y - though I don't seem to recall you taking issue with a remake actually basing itself on its source material," the Original One replied with no small measure of glib. "It's also a better game because it recognizes the full potential of X/Y - Fairy Types were indirectly nerfed, more of the NPCs are actually equipped to fight against you with Mega Evolution, Mega Evolution is actually given some real mythos, the difficultly is improved, and the Champion actually has a battle animation."

"Fair point," Kyurem replied with an indifferent shrug. "At least we knew that OR/AS would be a rehash, unlike a certain Jar Jar Abrams film."

"A direct remake, not a frankenstien," Arceus deadpanned.

"Judging by those CGI monsters on the cargo ship, more of a Lovecraftian abomination."

"Or a certain type of an-"

"Well point goes to Arcy, 7-11," Mew said quickly.

Overall – Comparison to R/S/E

Kyurem cleared his throat.

"Outside of mechanic changes, there are some good points to OR/AS. Sometimes the difficulty is higher, some small things, like secret bases have been improved, and some of the 3D models look better than those awful R/S sprites. But 'some' doesn't cut it. The 2D sprites are still preferable than the awful 3D models, even though the latter is technically an improvement. Over half of the game has actually been made easier, and if we're including Emerald in the mix, features have been outright taken out. In fact, there are so many problems with OR/AS that not even the physical/special split can make me recommend this game over the original. Until OmegaRubySquared and AlphaSapphireCubed, Hoenn will still be best experienced on the Gameboy Advance."

"OR/AS surpasses R/S/E in some ways and falls flat in others," the Alpha began with an air of solemnity. "It brings significantly more character, worldbuilding, and story to Hoenn, fixes many of the old problems with the Elite Four and villainous teams, while Pokemon Contests and Secret Bases were improved. And it's nice to have graphics that actually have some detail in them. And while I won't count the absence of the Battle Frontier/Tower against it - seeing as how we didn't count not having a Pikachu following you around against FR/LG - lesser difficulty elsewhere, importation of X/Y's asinine changes - albeit necessary - being skimpy on some locations ingame and some truly awful redesigns keep OR/AS from decisively pulling ahead of the originals as well."

Mew looked down at her notes and then up at the duo seated above.

"And that brings up the total score to 8-11 and our debate to an end; Arcy wins by a narrow but respectable margin. Any comments before we move onto the bonus round, Kyurem?"

The Ice-Dragon crossed his arms and did his best to look as grumpy as possible.

"Sinnoh hacked the results."

"Very good. Moving on to the bonus round," Mew commented absently. "Unfortunately we have no copies of our home game to hand out today."

Overall – Things Left Unfixed from R/S/E

"Well then, last chance to convince the masses. Ahem," Kyurem said calmly before clearing his throat.

"OMEGA RUBY AND ALPHA SAPPHIRE IS A BIGGER MESS THAN MY ALTERNATE FORMS AND 'FIXED' ABOUT AS MANY THINGS AS BLUE VERSION DID FOR RED AND GREEN! NONE OF THE LOCATIONS LOOK ANY BETTER BECAUSE THE GRAPHICS LOOK LIKE SOMETHING OUT OF A CALL OF DUTY DS GAME, AND EVEN THOUGH ALL OF THE DIFFICULTY PROBLEMS COULD'VE BEEN FIXED WITH MEGA EVOLUTION, GAME FREAK REFUSED TO FULLY IMPLEMENT IT! WHICH IS SUPRISING, SINCE GAME FREAK WAS SO OBSESSED WITH SHOEHORNING IN MEGA EVOLUTION THAT THEY FORGOT TO ACTUALLY FIX ANY STORY PROBLEMS AND INSTEAD COPY/PASTED A FANFICTION CHARACTER INTO IT! LET'S NOT FORGET ALL OF THE THINGS THAT EMERALD FIXED THAT WEREN'T INCLUDED IN OR/AS, PRESS F TO PAY RESPECTS FOR THE BATTLE FRONTIER, MIRAGE TOWER AND ALL OF THE GYM LEADER'S EXTRA POKEMON THAT WERE LOST IN TRANSLATION! THIS SORRY EXCUSE FOR A REMAKE IS SO BAD THAT THE GUY WHO WROTE 'MAY'S REVENGE' ACTUALLY MANAGED TO COME UP WITH BETTER IDEAS FOR A HOENN REMAKE! SPEAKING OF CREEPYPASTA, THANK GOD THAT I QUIT WHEN I DID, OR ELSE I'D HAVE TO BE READING ABOUT HOW ZINNIA ACTUALLY IS AN ALIEN FROM THE 5TH DIMENSION THAT'S COME TO KILL EVERYONE, EXPLAINING HER OMNISCIENCE."

Kyurem finished his soliloquy by firing an Ice Beam into the ceiling. Mew flinched and covered her head with her papers while Arceus just closed his eyes.

"Right..." the Alpha began, slowly, mentally breaking the bit of ice that had formed on the tips of his ears. "Now, there were a number of things left from R/S/E that went unfixed: Wally's role in the story and his implementation, not having any post-game rematches with May or Brendan, none of the Gym Leader rematches from Emerald or Emerald's Mirage Tower - albeit those were things introduced specifically for Emerald, but it's still lazy on Gamefreak's part - and the infamous Norman-Flannery slog."

"All right, now time for closing statements."

Overall – Closing Statements

Kyurem opened his mouth, only to be cut off by Mew raising her paw.

"Hold up one second! I know of a better place to do this."

Arceus blinked. "Mew I would rather do-"

The New Species Pokemon teleported the trio away before he could finish. When Arceus finished blinking away the lights dancing in front of his eyes, he immediately recognized his crumbling surroundings as Bournemouth's courthouse.

"Oh, not again," he groaned, lowering his face to his neck.

"Well, Arcy," Mew said from behind the judge's bench. "You seem to have a lot on your mind - why don't you go first?"

"Very well…" the Alpha said, as neutrally as he could, before shaking his head. "ORAS is not a perfect game. I never said it was nor set out to prove it was. But I also think it's not deserving of the vitriol it gets or the fact that what it did right is often overlooked by the sneering elitists who are now too busy drooling over Red and Blue in Sun and Moon to continue bombarding it. I think I have at least shown that, even while not Pokemon's best, it was still a competent enough game that tried to do something right with what it had to work with, and did in some ways."

"Kyurem?" the New Species Pokemon said, turning to the other Legendary. Kyurem blinked, looked at Arceus, and then back at the pink feline floating above.

"I have only one thing to say after all that:" Kyurem cleared his throat while Arceus' eyes flashed.

"Too Much Wat-"

To Be Continued

---

"Arceus," Kyurem muttered through clenched teeth. "Can you unfreeze us now? It's been nearly 10 minutes!"

"Very well." Arceus' eyes flashed, and Kyurem let out a held in breath.

"Thank you," the Boundary Pokemon said bitterly, stretching his arms. "I didn't even know it was possible to freeze Ice Types, but- do you hear that?"

"Hear w-" the Original One blinked, turning back to Kyurem. "I'm not falling for that one again, Kyurem."

"I'm dead serious, Arceus-"

"Well you are technically a corpse," Mew interjected. Kyurem resisted the urge to fire an Ice Beam her way.

"Don't you hear it? A faint shouting?"

Arceus blinked and craned his ears. It might have been faint a minute prior, but it was much more than that now.

"Now that you mention it..." and then the trio heard the doors to the courtroom's lobby slam open.

"It's the Bournemouthians!" Mew shouted. "They're here to get their money back!"

"Get us out of here!" Kyurem barked. Arceus only kept his eyes on the door behind them.

"How did they even-"

And then he was cut off with another burst of light.

"Well, we definitely cut it close with this one," Kyurem muttered as he shook his head. "Had we been any later, well..."

"Yes," Arceus replied, almost pointedly. "Let's not dwell on it. For your sake."

Even though Arceus was looking at Kyurem, Mew had a feeling the comment was directed at her. The New Species Pokemon tapped her fingers awkwardly before coughing. "Ehehe, well, I'm off."

"Speaking of leaving," the Ice-Dragon said, staring at the corridor the Psychic had darted into. "I better get back to that finale."

"I take it it'll be out in time for Pokemon Conquest 2?" the Alpha quipped as the two turned to the doors to the Hall.

"Let's go with that," Kyurem said as he stomped outside. "Have a Merry Christmas, Arceus."

"You as well. Say hello to the Cryogonal for Mew."

"Eh, those snowflakes are already special enough. Speaking of which, hopefully you'll survive this year without me."

"I'm certain I will be able to control my progeny. See you next year," Arceus said as his eyes began to glow again.

"What, no have a nice fal-"

And the Boundary Pokemon was gone. Arceus turned back to the hall with a sigh.

"Alone again."

---

"Arcy, where are you going now?" Mew asked the legendary as he was about to go out the front door of the Hall of Origin.

"Ah yes, I forgot to mention, Giratina is hosting the family Christmas dinner this year," Arceus explained, causing Mew to look skeptical.

"Are you sure that's a good idea, Arcy? You're not exactly known for your model relationship with your kids, especially Giratina," the legendary glowered at Mew. "Maybe I should come along to break the ice a bit."

"That won't be necessary," Arceus quickly replied. "I'd like to get through one Christmas without a threat to my sanity. Besides, I'm sure that my family and I will get along just fine," With that, Arceus left the building and headed down to the Distortion World.

…

Arceus, Dialga, Palkia and Giratina sat on an upside-down platform around a table, noisily clanking their silverware together as they ate. All four of them were silent and stared directly down at their food, trying not to meet one another's eye. After several minutes of awkward silence, Arceus finally decided to speak.

"Um… Something funny happened at the debate yesterday," he offered while the others continued to eat. "When we were tallying up the final score, I had counted 8-10."

"Did Kyurem get an extra point against you?" Palkia asked, and Arceus glared at him.

"Can I finish the story?" he questioned, and the water legendary turned back to his food. "Anyways, I thought that the score was 8-10, but it turns out that I missed a point, and it was actually 8-11. We, we really had a long laugh over it."

"I knew that was what happened," Dialga voiced, and Arceus, stone-faced, glared at his food.

"Will you ever let me finish a story?" he asked, causing Giratina to lazily look over at his father.

"Your stories are lame, dad," At this, Arceus slammed down his levitating silverware.

"You do not talk to me like that!" he yelled, causing the entire table to erupt in argument.

"Shut up!"

"You don't raise your voice at me or my brothers!"

"I am a demigod! That is very important!"

"I work too hard to deal with this stuff!"

After a few seconds of shouting, the family petered down and returned to their meal, once again eating in silence. The clanking of silverware on plates and lack of conversation somehow managed to give the Distortion World itself a heavy atmosphere. Finally, Arceus spoke once more.

"Did you see if Jack Storm will finish his fanfiction by next month?" Arceus asked Dialga.

"No, it looks like he'll be finished with it in March," Dialga mumbled, still staring at the table.

"You know I have that review planned for February," Arceus said as Giratina glared at him from across the table. "I thought you said that he'd finish it in January."

"No, he'll have it finished in March," Dialga shrugged, and Arceus stared at him for a couple seconds.

"…I wish you weren't a liar."

"I didn't lie, Dad!" Dialga roared, causing Arceus to slam down his silverware once more.

"Don't raise your voice at me!" And just like that, the yelling began again.

"You do not talk to him like that!"

"I work very hard!"

"Shut up you flying pony!"

"I drive a Ryder Bicycle!"

At this point, Arceus stood up, causing the table to go silent, and turned to stare into the endless void of the Distortion World. After more silence, his three sons slowly moved next to their father to look out at the soul-sucking space behind them. After a minute or so, Arceus began humming the Jubilife City theme, and soon enough all four were humming in harmony, their appendages on each other's shoulders. All four finished the last note and turned back to the table together.

"…I wanted to do the last note!" Giratina yelled, and the group immediately came to blows, and physically fought each other all Christmas day, then fell asleep together by the yule log.

---

A Note From the Author:

Well, Merry Christmas everyone - this is mine and Grool's gift to all of you. We actually cut it a bit close this year, but managed to finish our annual collab through the power of a Christmas miracle and a number of sleepless nights. This has been a subject I've been wanting to tackle in depth for a while, and I didn't think the two paragraphs I paid to it two years ago at the end of a chapter really did the subject justice. I hope now we've managed to bring some actual discourse about a game no one is no longer talking about (in all fairness, it's not like anyone was talking about it to begin with - either just mindlessly bashing or defending it) to the table.

Also, if you're wondering why the ending skit might be a bit out of my usual style, it's actually because I didn't write it; this year, me and Grool decided to switch it up by writing up each other's endings. So if you want to see the ending I wrote up for Kyurem go check out Grool's side - I can (shamelessly) assure you it'll be worth it.

Well, have a Merry Christmas, and I'm hoping to get out a New Year's special as well to cap off the year.