leelee1027: Thank you so much! The reveal is going to be epic!

OnlyHere4Puckabrina: Thank you for the amazing complement. I try to make my writing pleasant to read. I'm glad you are enjoying it.

ivysharonivysharon: That is awesome to hear! It is the first fanfic I have ever written. I feel honored to be your first. lol.

Sorry if I didn't respond to your comment. My husband needs his computer back.

7/3/18

Chapter 24: Confessions

Marinette knew she shouldn't be feeling this way, but that simple fact did not keep her heart from squeezing, painfully deep within her chest. The fact that Adrien had once been in love with another girl shouldn't change anything; that was in the past - it didn't have anything to do with their current relationship.

But as soon as Marinette thought those things, she knew her reasonings simply were not true. Of course a past love would affect their relationship now. He could still be in love with her, and to what extent, Marinette had to find out.

Marinette lowered her hand, placing it on Adrien's chest. His heart was pounding, and Marinette could only guess that this particular topic of conversation put him in great distress.

"What do you mean you lost her?" She asked in a coarse whisper.

Adrien closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. After a few moments pause, he opened them once again and said, "We went our separate ways. It wasn't as if I had any kind of claim on her. The one time I tried to confess, she told me that she was in love with another guy."

Marinette shifted, moving herself off of Adrien's lap. She had once done the same exact thing to Chat.

"Even knowing that I never stood a chance, my heart broke from knowing I would most likely never see her again."Adrien leaned his head over, resting it on Marinette's shoulder and grabbed on to her hand.

"I know that it might sound stupid," he continued, "but my first few years of college were really hard. I was so lonely and caught up in my own laments that I couldn't allow myself to make any new friends. Of course I had Nino, but he was all the way back here, in Paris."

Marinette gently rubbed the top of Adrien's head, the comforting scent of his shampoo wafting to her nose. She wanted to say something - to let Adrien know his sadness hurt her, but she kept quiet, listening to what he had to say.

"It's not like I didn't talk to anyone. For a while I deluded myself into thinking that I had actually made friends. But I never actually made an effort to talk to anybody outside of class. I spent my time studying or playing video games alone,cleverly convincing myself that I didn't have time to actually do anything else."

Adrien let go of Marinette's hand and turned around so that he could lay his head down in her lap, motioning for her to keep scratching his head.

"Need my rest, you know," Adrien grinned, "doctors orders."

"Of course," Marinette replied, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "Continue on patient."

"Well," he continued, as if he had never made a break in the conversation, "at some point, I'm not sure exactly when, I started opening up to people and letting them see my punny side. It was the first time that I had been totally free from my father like that and totally out of the public eye. I learned that I enjoyed being able to openly speak my mind and often found myself acting out of impulse, rather than my father's demands."

"I feel like I truly found myself, or least unlocked a part that had been hidden, something that I had been too afraid earlier to let outside. I ended up making friends and actually allowed myself to have a good time."

Marinette sat shocked, staring intently into Adrien's eyes. She had always known Adrien's father had been a bit overbearing, many times barring him from even leaving the house, but she hadn't known Adrien had felt so trapped, never allowing himself to show his true self. It was heartbreaking; he had always seemed so happy - she wished she had known.

"That's awesome Adrien," Marinette mustered the courage to say, "I'm so glad that you were able to enjoy yourself like that, even after losing someone."

Adrien sat up, facing away so that Marinette could no longer look into his eyes. "You know, I had convinced myself that I was over her, but now I almost think that I was just trying too hard in order to make myself forget. I shoved all of my feelings deep inside and kept myself distracted so that they wouldn't have a chance to rise."

Marinette stiffened, heart thumping wildy, unable to take a breath.

"Adrien, what are you saying?" she somehow managed to squeak. She couldn't breathe - she could barely think, but she had to know. She didn't want to just blindly read in to what he had just said. "Do you… do you still have feelings for this girl?"

Turning back to face Marinette and wiping a tear that had reluctantly slipped from her eye, Adrien faltered, but then shakily responded, "Yes."

Marinette's world seemed to shatter, leaving her sitting motionless, with nothing but destruction all around. The word that he had just uttered, and its excruciating implications, echoed throughout her head.

"But I am not sure to what extent," Adrien continued, staring pleadingly into Marinette's eyes. His gaze was gentle yet remorseful - Marinette could see his words were also hurting him. He was being honest, and no matter how much it pained her, it was something Marinette needed to hear.

"I think I might still feel connected to her," Adrien tried to explain, grabbing both of Marinette's hands. Even while he was talking about someone else, her heart beat rapidly and a slight tingling sensation flowed throughout her skin.

"She was one of my best friends," he clarified, "and that friendship will always hold a special place in my heart. I know that I love her, but I'm not certain if there's any tinge left of romance or if it's only as a friend."

Marinette tried to swallow, but her throat was suddenly too dry. What exactly was the meaning of what he just said? He loved this girl, but he didn't know if it was romantic or just as a friend? How could he get something like that so confused? It should be simple; he should be able to easily define his relationship. Love wasn't that hard to comprehend.

Was it?

She lowered her eyes, no longer able to stare directly at him. Love should be easy - it should be obvious who you liked. Marinette had always had feelings for Adrien. It was simple. It was straightforward. There were no doubts or complications. Marinette was sure of her feelings for him from the very beginning and those feelings had never changed. How could Adrien be so confused? How could he go from loving a girl to saying that he didn't know exactly what that love meant?

Marinette tried to process it: tried to understand. Was there anyone else that she loved? Someone that could be more than a friend? Of course there was Alya, and even Nino, both of whom she loved, and obviously her love would never go further than that.

But there was one other that she trusted above even Alya, Nino, and even Adrien.

One that had time and time again risked his life to save hers.

One that never betrayed her willingly and always treated her with utmost kindness.

Her dear partner.

Did Marinette love him? Was he simply a friend? Chat, at one point in her life, had been closer to her than even Alya had been, and now she knew he had wormed his dorky self into a small, hidden place, deep within her heart. Just a few days earlier Marinette had cried into Adrien's arms at the possibility of never getting to speak to Chat Noir again. Did that mean that she felt something… maybe something even more than she had been willing to admit?

Suddenly, as if her eyes had been opened, Marinette was able to understand. Chat had always been something: something on the edge of just being a friend. She couldn't be upset with Adrien, or even be hurt at his confession. If she was, then she would be a hypocrite, seeing as how she had someone who was just the same. Would she change her feelings towards Adrien just because of her undefined relationship with Chat? Of course not! So she had to believe. To be believe that, no matter what, Adrien would see her just the same.

Marinette raised her eyes, noticing that he had also lowered his. She tenderly squeezed his hands. "I-I have a friend like that," she whispered, no longer able to keep her inner thoughts deeply locked within. She had to make him understand that she wasn't resentful or angry and that she was going through the exact same thing as him.

"What?" Adrien choked, returning his eyes to meet Marinette's gaze.

"The friend who I had been trying to get back in contact with before…" Marinette shrugged, trying to downplay the implications of what she had just said.

But it didn't work. Adrien's face instantly turned ashen. "You have feelings for him?"

Of course, Chat loved Ladybug. He had even told her that once when she was Marinette. But she had turned him down. She was in love with Adrien: she couldn't be in love with Chat.

At least that's what she always told herself. If there had been no Adrien, what would her feelings really be for Chat?

"The answer to that, I am not entirely sure." Marinette answered honestly, clearly admitting her uncertainty towards Chat for the first time in her life.

Adrien forced a fake smile and said, "Sorry, I shouldn't be feeling hurt by this. I was the one who was just talking about possibly still having feelings for my failed first love. But I can't help to feel a bit jealous you know?"

Marinette blinked, unable to respond.

"Man we are really messing things up aren't we?" Adrien chuckled, laying his head down on the pillow and stretching his legs, motioning for Marinette to join him.

Yea. Marinette thought while carefully laying herself down. Unless somehow, miraculously, you ended up being Chat.

And then it hit her as everything aligned perfectly in her head.

Could Adrien really be Chat?! Marinette internally screamed.

Marinette took a moment to look over at the wall that still showed marks from the old posters she had taken down. It had only been a few years since Marinette had torn those pictures down, but she still remembered them well. She could still see Adrien's beautiful youthful smile, having memorized it after years of it being plastered all over her wall.

But could that charming boy whom she had pined after for so long, actually been that goofy cat that had been next to her all along? Once she had seen Adrien in a Chat costume; it had nearly been complete, all without the mask. Marinette had been so stubborn in her belief that Adrien was so much better than Chat, that she couldn't even entertain the possibility that her partner was standing in front of her - that she would recognize him as soon as he put on that mask.

Returning her gaze to look upon his face, she couldn't help but to smile as she noticed his adorable expression while he tried to analyze the situation. His eyes were slightly squinched and he had a partially lifted brow. She tried to imagine this expression as it would look covered in a black mask, and realized that it looked exactly like the face of Chat when they were faced with some sort of puzzle to solve.

Adrien really could be Chat...

That would explain his secret lover, his puns and flirtatiousness, and even his goofy, sometimes undeniable Chat-like grin. Adrien had known that Chat would respond to her letter, and even her balcony had been decorated exactly as she had once seen done by Chat.

Her heart pumped faster than the pistons in a speeding car. It all fit perfectly. Everything just made so much sense. She had begun to miss Chat as soon as she had been reunited with Adrien, and no matter how much she wanted it, she had already figured out that Adrien could never be enough.

It wasn't because she wasn't desperately in love with Adrien, no, that had not been it at all. The reason he didn't make her completely happy was because he was holding back: she wasn't able to see him for his whole self.

And Adrien loved Ladybug! It was the only plausible explanation. He had been depressed, lonely, and heartbroken because he had never learned who she truly was.

Marinette winced as she realized she'd been the one to cause Adrien pain. She had been so devoted to him, so unwilling to let anyone else have a place in her heart, that she had turned him away, ultimately resulting in them having to live their lives apart.

"Are you okay?" Adrien hummed, concern woven deep within the depths of his eyes.

They were both lying down, facing each other, only inches apart from one another's face. Marinette's entire body buzzed in warm exhilaration. Adrien was Chat Noir. She didn't know if her body could handle this revelation

"Yes," she confidently responded, "everything is perfect, and I have a feeling that we actually haven't messed anything up."

"Well that's good to hear," Adrien smiled, gently tucking Marinette's hair behind her ear causing a surge of electricity to make its way down her spine, "because I don't know what I would do without you Marinette. I know the feelings that I have for you are real and regardless of who I may have liked in the past, I want you to know that nothing will ever change that." He paused, his smile fading as he furrowed his brow. "But… how can you say that everything is fine?"

Marinette's fingers trembled as she moved them to place underneath his chin. As soon as contact was made, electricity once again flowed throughout her body. This was like nothing that she had ever felt before. Just knowing that Adrien was possibly Chat, made her sensitive to their every physical touch.

"Adrien, why do you think that we have been so comfortable with each other even from the very beginning?" she asked, trying to insinuate a closeness that they had once previously had.

"I don't know," Adrien shrugged. "Maybe because we knew each other before? I'm not sure what you are getting at."

"Maybe, you might be right," Marinette agreed falsely. "But there is just two things that I have to know. Two things that might help ease my mind."

Even though Marinette was about ninety-nine percent sure that Adrien had to be Chat, she had to question, she had to be sure.

"Okay, shoot," Adrien commanded, a smile forming at the edge of his lips.

Marinette took in a deep breath. "Have you been in contact with her? The girl that broke your heart?"

Adrien's smile faltered as he carefully responded, "Yes. Only recently and not much has been said."

"Okay," Marinette breathed. So far things were going her way. "Now one more question before we wrap this up and I drive you home."

"Of course, little lady, and what question, pray tell, is that?" He smirked, raising his head to rest upon his hand.

"Who's idea was it to decorate my balcony like that?"