So sorry for the late update. I truly can't say enough thanks for nice words. I love you all!
I'm slowly making my way through the collection of fic at the captainswanbigbang tumblr page and lemme tell you - there is so much freaking talent out there, man. Kudos to the mods for making this event happen this year, and for bringing us all together.
As always, I'll be remiss if I don't thank sambethe for being an amazing artist to work, a wonder second beta, and a true friend in times of need. You need to check out the artwork she's done, and the banner on her tumblr. I can't wait to share the others as well.
downeystarkjr made my mom want to read my fic, which is saying something. My mom took one look at the video and she goes "wow, your story sounds interesting. Are you nice to Emma and Killian in this one?" and I'm reply, like the overdramatic fuck I am "Mom do you know me but at all?" Anyway, the point is, you should check out the incredible video she's made for the fic and just GO LOVE IT OKAY?
Writing this fic with minimal feedback was hard, really. If it weren't for accio-ambition 's snarky comments about how rude I'm being to our babies and her rare but true praises, my head would have blown up. Thanks for keeping me rooted, Janet.
"Emma? What are you doing here?" Killian asked, approaching her. He had seen her in his dreams so often the past three months, and often wondered if he would ever see her again in real life. But for her to actually be here, in front of him, after three months of silence - more than anything, it only served to confuse him further. Everything about her being seemed to put him on edge. As if he had forgotten something very important; it was the feeling when you're uncertain if you turned the gas off before you left home. Either you come home and everything is fine, or you come back to impending disaster.
"You know her?" Will asked from behind, but Killian simply ignored him, his eyes only for the woman in front of him. She hadn't said a word since her greeting, as if she was afraid of him. Just the thought of it made him uncomfortable. He never wanted her to feel like he was a threat to her.
"Is there some place we could talk?" she said finally. Glancing at Will, she added. "Privately."
He nodded, pointing out a coffee shop just opposite the bookstore they were at. "I'll meet you there in 5 minutes."
Emma nodded, smiling stiffly at him and waving half-mindedly at Will before leaving. Killian turned to his friend, anticipating the third-degree.
"So, I'm assuming she's part of the thing you're dealing with?" Will asked, arms crossed and eyes guarded.
"Ah- well, I guess you could say that?"
"You don't sound so sure there, mate."
"I met her once, Will. But I feel like I've known her for longer than that." Killian began, but stopped when he saw Will roll his eyes.
"Killian, that is such a cliche."
"No, Will. It's not like that," Killian protested. "Do you remember when I told you about my dreams?"
Will looked puzzled, but nodded anyway, clearly unsure of where Killian was going with this. "She was in them. I think she always was."
"You're overthinking this. Those are just dreams, nothing more." Will placed both his hands on Killian's shoulders, making Killian meet his gaze. "You need to stay rooted in reality, Killian."
"I am. Dammit, this is more than just dreams." Killian pushed him away. "You've known me since you were 25. For years, mate. You're my sponsor, my friend. I don't care if you don't believe me, but I think after all these years, I at least deserve some trust."
Will deflated, looking put-off. "Alright, fine. Go, chase after some girl you think you know. Don't come running back to me if she thinks you're crazy."
"I'm not crazy!" Killian called after himself, rushing out the door.
-/-
21 years ago: Enchanted Forest
"Am I crazy or do you see it too?" Emma asked out of the blue, staring at the shimmering surface of the spell that kept Alice trapped.
"Do I see what, love? Use your words," Killian said patronisingly, not looking up from the book he was reading. Emma shot him a glare but before she could point it out, the shimmer disappeared and it was blue skies again.
"Nothing, forget about it," she murmured, going back to helping Alice with her arithmetic. She didn't understand why Killian insisted on this nonsense when he could be teaching Alice about things more fascinating. Arithmetic was the dullest subject she had ever studied as a child, and she never thought she would have to be faced with it again once she had come of age. Regina had been very particular about Emma's education, pushing her to excel in all subjects. Emma would spend hours on her sums, worrying her head off about underperforming and facing Regina's wrath.
"Did you see something?" Killian pushed, putting his book down and staring at her sharply. He looked ready to battle.
Emma rolled her eyes at his dramatics. "It was just the barrier spell. I keep seeing it from time to time."
"What's a barrier spell?" Alice asked, looking up from her addition. Emma did not understand why Killian insisted that a five-year-old needed to learn addition, but Alice seemed to actually enjoy it. Emma would not be the one to tell her how useless it was. She had been lectured by Killian enough when she spoke about it with him.
Killian shook his head, glaring briefly at Emma. "It's nothing you need to worry about, Starfish," he replied. "Now, are you done with your sums?"
"Almost," Alice replied, begrudgingly focusing her attention back on her work.
Emma gaped at Killian, not certain why he wouldn't just tell Alice the truth. She might be five, but she was an intuitive child. Alice already knew she was trapped in here; Emma did not see the point in not telling her what a barrier spell was.
"Jones, could I see you in the kitchen, please?" Emma asked through gritted teeth.
Killian frowned at her, unable to understand her frustration. "Aye. Starfish, keep working on the sums for Papa, alright?" he added, nodding when he got a murmured acknowledgement from her.
He followed after Emma to the kitchen, his eyebrows raised at her defensive stance - nostrils flaring and arms crossed, a deep-set frown fixed on her face. "What's the matter, Swan?" he asked. He had taken to calling her that now - Swan, as if they were familiars.
Maybe they were - she was living at his residence, spending all day with him and his daughter, she had even gone on a supply run for them so Killian didn't have to leave Alice alone like he usually did. But being this familiar - it felt like a big step for Emma, like she was putting down roots, and caring about these people. She was only here to help free Alice from this tower. She was a means to an end to them, that's all. Maybe it was wrong to want to be a part of this family, to insert herself in it. Maybe she shouldn't say anything to Killian about Alice after all, lest she cross her limits.
"Emma? Was there something you wanted to talk to me about?" Killian prompted when he received no answer to his earlier question.
She blew out a long breath, resting her hands on her hips instead. "You know I care about Alice."
"Of course I do. Why-"
"Just- Listen. I know I have only been here for a few weeks, maybe a month, but I've grown close to her. To you both, I think. I- I don't want to overstep."
"Overstep? Do we have a problem here?" he asked defensively, his jaw clenched and face guarded.
"I just don't think it's right to not tell Alice what the barrier spell is. She already knows she is trapped in here. She is already exposed to that. It's not fair to her-"
Killian cut her off, his tone icy and curt. "You're right. It's not fair for her to be stuck here. It's not fair that she has been exposed to something this cruel so young. But I do my best to keep her mind off of it, as much as I can in a day. You've only been here for a month. I've been here with her for five years. I know my daughter; I've held her all the nights that she has cried out for a mother, for her freedom, to have another child to play with. I've seen her heart break more times than I can count. She's a child - my child. If I choose to not tell her something, I get to do that. I'm the only parent she has."
Emma was flabbergasted, stuttering through her apologies. "I-I'm sorry. I didn't-"
"You didn't - what? Realise that I might have an idea about what I'm doing? That I know how to raise my daughter?" he snapped. She could see how much he struggled to rein in his anger. She should have listened to her gut and kept from poking her nose where it did not belong. She did not belong here, and she had to remember her place.
She held her hands up, feeling remorse choke her. "You're right. I didn't realise that. I'm truly sorry, Killian. I know I have no rights here to comment."
"You're right. You don't. She's my daughter, not yours." And with that he walked away, leaving Emma with a mountain of guilt.
-/-
Present Day: Land without Magic
Killian stood outside the coffee shop he had asked Emma to wait at, staring at her through the glass, just observing her for a moment. She was too busy stirring milk into her drink to notice him, so he took the chance to prepare himself. He had a feeling that the moment he entered and they talked, his life was going to change, like a gut-instinct. One side was telling him to run away and the other telling him to face whatever it was. He squared his shoulders, pushing through the glass doors.
He walked toward the table where Emma was sitting, his heart fluttering slightly when she looked up and smiled brightly at him. It felt like the sun was shining after a rainstorm; he mentally shook himself from the love-sick direction his thoughts were headed in. "I'm sorry if I made you wait too long," he said in greeting, taking the seat opposite her.
She waved away his apology, lifting her beverage at him and pointing to the additional one in front of him. "It gave me time to get myself something to drink. I wasn't certain what to get you, but I didn't think I could go wrong with some coffee. I hope that's alright?"
"Yeah, no. That's- Coffee's good. Thank you." He sipped at his own drink, not knowing where to start. How could he outright ask her where she had been the past three months? He barely knew the woman! Thankfully, Emma saved him from the awkwardness by starting the conversation.
"You must be wondering why I didn't contact you for the past three months. And why I showed up out of the blue at your book signing," she started, folding her arms on the table.
Killian tried to gauge her expression, but it was impassive. "Yeah, I guess you could say that. I wasn't certain if you were just ignoring me."
Emma shook her head, quick to reassure him. "No, no. Nothing of the sort. I was- I was occupied with work and couldn't get away until now."
Killian wasn't sure she was telling him the truth, but chose to ignore that. No matter what her reasons were, she was here now. He would finally get the answers he was looking for. "Emma, I need to ask you something. This might sound crazy but-"
"It's about your dreams, isn't it?" she asked, cutting him off.
Killian's eyes widened and he unintentionally leaned away from her. "How do you know that?" he demanded, eyes sharp and unwavering from her.
"You told me you've been having dreams that you were Captain Hook," she replied calmly, as if that explained everything.
"What does that have to do with-"
"You didn't let me finish. Killian, that wasn't a dream. That was a memory. You are Captain Hook."
Killian would have laughed if her answer did not feel like a vat of cold water being poured down his back. He blinked at her, trying to process what she just told him. "I'm sorry - did you just say that I'm Captain Hook?"
"Yes. You are. You just forgot who you are."
"How is that even possible? I remember my past here. I had a brother, I was in the Navy. I had a life here, and that did not include me being Captain Hook!" He slammed his hand on the table in frustration, making everyone in the coffee shop stop what they were doing and stare at him. When he glared back at them, they went back to minding their own business.
"Hey, hey, it's alright," Emma said, reaching for both his hands, like she had done the last time they had spoken, startling him once again at how she reached for his prosthetic without flinching. "I know you're overwhelmed, and that what I said sounds ridiculous." She paused, as if waiting to see if he was listening. "But some part of you must know what I'm saying is real. Your dreams are just a way for your memories to manifest. You said you remember having a brother? You did. And you were part of the navy. Just- just not in this realm. Your life here, your past...it's not real, Killian."
"But it is. My past may not have been, if what you say is true. But my life here is still real," he replied vehemently, removing his hands from her hold. He thought he had been ready for some explanation to his dreams, but now that he had heard this one, he couldn't help but think it absurd. There was no possible way that he could have forgotten an entire lifetime's worth of memories.
"If what you're saying is true, then how am I here? And why do I not have my memories?" he asked, his gut clenching anxiously.
"I promise, I will explain everything in detail. But not here." Emma held out her hand palm up, her eyes imploring him to give her a chance, to trust her.
Killian could see her emotions clearly on her face; she let herself be vulnerable. If he chose to, he could walk out of here and he would never have to see her again. He could do that. But instead, he relented, grasping her hand with his: "Alright. Let's go back to my place, and we can talk."
Emma smiled gratefully at him through pursed lips, and Killian could see her struggle to keep her tears at bay. He felt a lump in his throat, seeing her response to his show of trust in her. "Thank you, Killian."
-/-
21 years ago: Enchanted Forest
Emma felt uncomfortable after her argument with Killian, knowing that she had taken things a bit too far. She had crossed a line, about Alice no less, and now she was on uncertain ground with Killian. Again. She needed to get out for a while, allow him to calm down and clear the air of this tension. She feigned the need for some supplies for a spell and scaled down the tower. But it was not before Alice had made her promise that she would return again. Killian barely acknowledged her, simply nodding when she told him she would be back before sundown.
"Is there anything you need me to get?" she asked softly, unable to meet Killian's eyes.
"It's not necessary," he replied curtly, turning his back to her. Emma could understand a dismissal if she ever saw one and left wordlessly.
She took her time to walk to the nearest town north of the tower, knowing to avoid the town she had been chased out of. It allowed her time to think, but she would be fooling herself if she expected to be able to think of anything but her fight with Killian. She hadn't realised what a big folly she had committed by questioning his parenting skills. Of course he had been angry; she had no place passing judgement, she was not a mother - in all reality, Alice was the first child she had ever spent any extended time with.
Emma absentmindedly played with the ring she was wearing. Her mother had given it to her, it had been the same ring that had brought Snow and Charming together in the first place. It was a symbol of their true love, just like Emma herself was. Snow had told Emma that true love follows that ring, but Emma stopped believing in that a long time ago. There was no knight in shining armour or Prince Charming to save her - the only one who saved Emma was herself. She had been alone for very long time, and she was good at that. She had been fine by herself; but when she found herself living with Killian and Alice, she realised that simply because she was fine being by herself did not have to mean that she had to be alone. She felt like she was a part of something, that the broken pieces of all three of them came together to make something resembling a whole.
But she had been fooling herself. She did not have a place in that family.
She wanted one, though. This was the first time she was admitting it to herself, but Emma wanted so much to be a part of something. She felt her chest tighten with disappointment, and she was grateful that neither Killian nor Alice were around to see her this way. She brushed aside the few tears that had fallen, and strengthened her resolve - she was going to do everything she could to help Alice. That little girl deserved far more than being stuck in that godforsaken tower all her life. It might take her a while, but she was going to build the perfect spell - one that would not only break the barrier that was around the tower and kept Alice inside, but one that could never harm Alice ever again. With her mind made up, Emma walked determinedly toward the market.
-/-
Present Day: Land without Magic
Killian unlocked the door to his house, allowing Emma through first before he followed her in. He took his coat off, making sure to hang it on the coat rack. Then followed with his suit jacket, which he proceeded to fold meticulously and place on the back of a chair. He watched as Emma took in everything, her gaze critical. She ran her finger over a painting he had done, tracing the brush strokes.
"It's beautiful," she whispered, almost to herself. But it became clear that she had been talking to him when she turned and asked, "Did you paint this?"
"Yes, I did. It's-it's just a hobby," he replied, tugging on his ear and looking at his shoes in embarrassment. When he looked up, Emma looked pensively. "What is it?"
She shook her head, biting down on her lip. He could tell that she was hesitant to tell him, but if he was going to get the entire story out of her, she ought to feel like she could tell him anything. "Emma, you can tell me anything," he assured her, approaching her.
She relaxed slightly, looking around his house again before meeting his eyes. "The life you have here, with these memories - it's different, but there's echoes of your- your other self everywhere. It just disoriented me a bit, I'm sorry."
Killian's expression softened, seeing how conflicted Emma seemed. "Do you want to sit down? We could talk, and you can tell me everything about this other self," he said, leading her to the couch.
Once they both were seated comfortably, Emma began her tale. "I know you want some proof that what I'm saying is true. I have something you gave to me a long time ago. It holds some of my magic, so I can use it in this realm, the Land without Magic." She pulled the ring she had been carrying with her, holding it out for him to take.
Something about it felt so familiar to Killian, his chest feeling tight as he reached for it. "I- I gave you a ring?" he asked, indirectly asking the question he really wanted to ask. Did I propose to you?
Emma breathed deeply, meeting his gaze unwaveringly. Her meaning was clear when she replied with a simple, "Yes."
"Oh," he breathed, his hand clenching around the ring, his gaze fixed on her face, wishing he knew what she was thinking. But her face was impassive, giving nothing away. It occurred to him how difficult this must be for her - his other self probably loved her, and he doesn't even remember it.
"Do you believe me? Do you- do you feel anything at all? Or remember anything?" she asked, sounding hopeful.
"I think," Killian paused, evaluating his feelings. While his mind argued vehemently against this, his heart was a completely different story. He had felt something from the moment he met her, and it had to have meant something. Life wasn't a romance novel, there was no such thing as love at first sight. But maybe...maybe there was a dormant part of him that woke up when he saw her that day at the bookstore. As crazy as it sounded, it made sense to him. Her explanation helped make sense of his conflicted feelings, of his dreams, of his demons.
"I want to believe you," he said with conviction. "But I need to know more. Or I need to get my memories back."
Emma looked like she was trying hard not to kiss him, but he could see how happy she looked. Her eyes crinkled at the corners when she grinned, her laugh lines more apparent. He could see the tears welling in her eyes, as well and wanted to do nothing more than take her in his arms. According to her, he was her fiance, so it wouldn't be like he would be doing something wrong. But he wasn't certain how Emma felt, and so refrained from doing anything that would make her uncomfortable. "You'll believe me? Just like that?" she asked, unable to stop herself from smiling widely, tearily.
He reached for her hand with his prosthetic, flipping it over and pressing the ring in her palm, holding his hand over hers. "I don't know if I believe you but I felt something the very first moment I saw you, Emma. Like I recognised you, like I knew you." He hesitated, finally voicing the thought that had been running through his mind since he met her. "I have been searching for something, some meaning to my life, as if I was missing something and I could not remember what it was. But I saw you, and it felt like I found it, because I found you."
He slowly reached up, giving her all the time to pull away. But she didn't - she held his gaze steadily as his fingers traced her cheek. She gasped softly, her lips slightly parted and her eyes falling shut all on their own. "Why didn't you just tell me then?" he whispered, his eyes moving over her face, trying to read her.
Emma opened her eyes, backing away slightly and pulling his hand to rest in the space between them. She swallowed thickly before she spoke, "I wanted to, but I was afraid that you would think I was crazy. I should have told you then, but I- I was being selfish." She whispered the last part like a confession, shifting her gaze away from his.
"Selfish?"
"Killian, you were - you are - in danger. That's why you left in the first place. So, when I saw you again, as much as I wanted to tell you everything, I wanted to protect you too. Just for a little while."
"Protect me from what, Emma?" he asked, feeling troubled.
"Not what. Who. A witch named Gothel. She has been after you for a while, and the only way to stop her was for you to leave for somewhere she could never find you - The Land without Magic. It's not easy to find passage to this realm, and she did not have the magic to create one. Until recently."
"A what?" He scoffed. When he noticed how serious she was, he changed the subject. "Why is she after me? You said I was just a pirate, right? What could I possibly have that she would need?"
She squeezed his hand, looking pained, as if she wanted to do anything but tell him the reason some crazy witch was after him. "You have extremely powerful, extremely ancient magic. And a Dagger that she can use to control you."
-/-
21 years ago: Enchanted Forest
Emma meandered through the market, stopping at stalls and exploring them at her leisure. She was not ready to go back to the tower, and she knew that it would take time still for Killian to calm down. It had been almost an hour of her wandering around when a handmade rabbit doll caught her eye. It was discarded to the back of the stall, hidden behind all the other dolls. Emma reached for it, fingering the spot where one of its paws was torn off, leaving a gaping hole at the end with bits of cotton coming out. Of all the dolls there, this one was quite old and worn.
"You wanna buy that?" the shopkeeper, an elderly lady, asked, squinting at Emma.
Her mind made up, Emma nodded. "I know a little girl who would love it. How much for it?"
The woman regarded Emma before waving her hand dismissively. "You can take it, no charge. I hope your little girl likes it," she said kindly.
"Oh, she's not-" Emma stopped mid-correction and left the old lady with a couple of coppers and a "Thank you".
Emma pulled out the list she had made a few days ago, hoping she could find at least a few of the ingredients she was looking for. She had decided to use hydrangeas as a binding agent, along with dragon's blood to strengthen it. But those were hard to come by so far north, and even harder to manipulate. She would have to know what spell the witch who trapped Alice had used, which was neigh on impossible. For now, she would just have to keep experimenting. She could not use her magic directly on the barrier spell; it took longer than she would have preferred for her magic to return to her and for the burn marks on her hands to disappear. She would have to be more cautious.
She had a few theories for how the spell worked, especially against magic. But theories meant nothing if she did not have the resources to test them. On her walk to the apothecary, she spotted a stall that sold books. She browsed through them, hoping to find one that was on spells using magical herbs and spices, or even witchcraft that did not necessarily involve direct use of magic. Emma had to be careful about the spells that she used, however - her magic was one-of-a-kind. It was light magic, and so far that seemed to be the sufficient for keeping the effects of the witch's tamper-proof charms at bay. It took a bit of perusing, but Emma finally found a book that might be useful. Well, it was more of a journal than a book, but as she looked over some of the spells that had been written down, she felt more confident.
Unfortunately for her, most of the spells seemed to involve dark magic, something she could not use. But perhaps it might prove important in breaking down the elements the witch used for her spell. From what little she had been able to garner from Killian, the witch seemed to have a penchant for nature magic. Emma was not familiar with that aspect of magic, but there was no time like the present to learn something new. Content with her purchase for the day, and with the amount of time that had passed since she had left, she turned to head back to the tower. She caught herself before she could refer to it as home - home is somewhere one belonged, and Emma wasn't certain that the tower represented that for her. Not yet, at least.
-/-
Present Day: Land without Magic
Killian paced back and forth, worrying a hole in his rug as he did so. Emma was perturbed by his reaction to what she had revealed. She would be lying if she said she hadn't anticipated this ; what hurt her even more was how acutely she could feel his agitation and turmoil. She had yet to reveal that piece of information to him, but thankfully whatever connection that he had forged between them seemed to work only one-way. Otherwise he would have told her - she was not exactly a pillar of stability right now. If Killian had the ability to feel her emotions the same way she did with his, it would have been obvious by now, Emma was certain of it.
"Killian, perhaps you should take a seat. Try to calm down," she suggested, attempting to sound soothing.
He whirled around to face her, his eyes clearly panicked and hair in disarray from the number of times he had tugged at it. "Calm down?" he bit out through clenched teeth, his voice an octave higher than usual. "You just told me I have the world's most ancient darkness within me, Emma. Do you know how crazy you sound?"
Killian's harsh words seemed to snap something in Emma, her expression twisting in anger as she stood up as well, her hands clenched at her side. "You don't get to call me that. You said you believed me. You said you wanted to know."
"But magic? Darkness? Some witch out for blood? Does that sound sane to you?" he exploded, throwing his hands up in the air.
"You want proof, Killian?" she challenged, her jaw clenched. "I'll show you proof." She gripped her ring, drawing the necessary power from it; when she felt like she had enough, she thrust her hand through her own chest.
Killian gasped, his heart in his throat as he watched with wide-eyed horror as she tugged her heart out of her chest. She was not certain what he expected, but she assumed he did not expect a glowing red organ, held almost carelessly. He seemed extremely disturbed to see Emma holding her own heart in her hand.
"Is this proof enough?" she panted, her body swaying slightly.
He blinked at her, unable to form words. There was no doubt in his mind now that magic existed; but for Emma to have gone to such an extent… it pained him. Seeing her in pain made him feel like he was being ripped apart. He cupped his mouth with his hand, his chest constricting painfully. "Yes, yes! I believe you. Put it back, put it back right now," he demanded, but she could hear the tremble in his voice.
Not that she wanted to. It wasn't exactly a pleasant experience, having one's heart outside of the safety of one's chest. Emma grunted as she thrust her heart back in place. However, it had perhaps not been a good idea to have done that so soon after her surgery. Emma felt the energy drain out of her and she swayed dangerously, feeling dizzy and imbalanced.
Killian was quick to catch her before she could fall, lowering her on the couch. "Why would you do that?" he whispered brokenly, his hands shaking as he gripped her shoulder. "You're raving mad, woman."
"I didn't have a choice. I had to get you to believe me. I cannot bear it if Gothel did anything more to you," she replied, her voice just as soft.
"Emma…" he began, but trailed off. He seemed conflicted, and why wouldn't he be? Emma completely disrupted his life here, and probably traumatised him.
Emma could feel the toll her stunt had taken on her. Her chest felt tight, like there was an immense amount of pressure on it. She found it difficult to breath. She grasped her ring, hoping to draw power from it to heal her. But after the abuse she just put herself through, there was barely anything left. She couldn't use it like she usually did - there was just one other option. Emma gripped Killian's shirt collar tight, her voice tight as she gasped out, "Killian, you need to take me to a hospital. Right now."
-/-
21 years ago: Enchanted Forest
It was well past dusk when Emma finally made her way back to the tower, whistling for Killian to drop the rope ladder for her. She had climbed it the first time with nothing but sheer determination and her father's broadsword, driven by her intentions to escape being burnt at the stake. But given the option, she would rather use something that was sturdier than steel on rock. Killian was quick to respond to her wordless request, and she swiftly scaled the tower, hoisting herself over the window ledge and landing on her feet without much trouble.
"Emma! You're back!" Alice exclaimed, running to her. Emma smiled, getting to her knees so she was at an appropriate height to accept the welcome embrace from Alice. Emma squeezed the little girl slightly, holding her for a moment longer than necessary before pulling her back by her shoulders.
"I promised you, didn't I?" Emma rooted through her satchel, pulling the doll she had bought for Alice. "I got you something. I know he is a little torn and shabby, but we can fix him up, can't we?" Emma asked, holding it out for Alice to take.
Alice reached for it with an awed smile, but stopped short of taking it, remembering to ask her father first. She looked at him over her shoulder, and so did Emma. She hoped he would see this for the peace offering it was. His face remained impassive for a moment, and Emma almost started apologising, but she noticed the small smile break through as he wordlessly nodded at Alice.
Alice turned to Emma, grinning widely as she took the doll from Emma, cradling it reverently. "Thank you, Emma!" Emma was startled by the force of Alice's small body crashing into hers, her smaller hands wrapping tightly around Emma's neck.
Emma smiled, running her fingers through Alice's hair. "You're very welcome, Alice Jones," she whispered, smiling even as Alice went to introduce her new doll to the rest of her collection. Killian held out his hand for her, pretending not to look at her. Emma rolled her eyes, deliberately reaching for his hook instead and pulling herself up.
Killian turned to look when he felt a tug on his hook, just as Emma straightened up from her squat. They were suddenly stood very close together, her breasts almost touching his chest with every breath she took. They were both thrown off by their proximity, but Emma was the first to move back, clearing her throat.
"I- uh, I should probably get something to eat," she said, walking backward toward the small kitchen, looking everywhere but at Killian.
Killian was still dazed, but quickly shook himself. "Right, yes. Would you like me to fix you-"
"No, no. That's alright," Emma protested, cutting him off.
Killian nodded, standing in the middle of the room for a moment longer before he left to see what Alice was up to. And Emma wondered, if perhaps, it had something to do with her, too.
-/-
Killian tried to concentrate on what Alice was talking about while he was playing tea party with her and her animals, but it was hard for his mind not to wander to the other blonde in his life. He observed her from the corner of his eye time after time, but all of her focus was on the book in front of her. He had tried to dismiss how her presence in his and Alice's lives made him feel, but after their argument earlier, it was hard not to. While he knew what he told her had been true, and he would stand by it, it didn't mean he was coming around to the idea that perhaps Alice needed more than just him. He wanted his daughter to develop proper social skills, and he tried his best to bring them about; but having Emma in their lives for just a month had been more beneficial to both of them than all their years of solidarity.
There was nothing wrong with being a single parent; but that shouldn't mean that, given the chance, he should deprive Alice from having a strong female presence in her life. Isn't that what parents are supposed to do - provide their children with every opportunity for an well-rounded life?
He sighed quietly, running his fingers through his hair. He ought to apologise to her for being harsh that morning; he was quick to become defensive when it concerned Alice. He had the chance to handle it better, but he let his anger take over. He waited until much later, when Alice had been put to bed and tucked in nice and tight. He found her sitting on the window ledge - it seemed to be her favourite spot - holding her hip flask. He had effectively reduced his drinking since Alice, apart from an occasional nip at the end of an especially trying day. But he wouldn't begrudge Emma her drinking. He trusted her enough not to leave her alcohol just lying somewhere Alice could reach.
Killian cleared his throat, alerting Emma of his presence. When she didn't immediately react, he thought she hadn't heard him, but then she offered him her flask in lieu of an invitation. He grabbed it, and slipped next to her on the ledge, their shoulders brushing lightly. He took a small sip, wincing at the burn, and handed the flask back to Emma.
"Killian, I-"
"I'm so-"
They both began at the same time. Killian chuckled, gesturing for Emma to go first.
"I'm sorry for earlier this morning, Killian. I know nothing about being a parent; I sometimes find it hard to remember my own parents," she huffed humorlessly. "I overstepped. I just - I made myself too comfortable here, with you and Alice. I shouldn't have. This isn't my family, and I shouldn't pretend that it is."
Killian desperately wanted to reach out to her, to protest. But he wanted to let her say her piece first. And so, he remained quiet, his hand clenched into a fist to stop himself from grabbing her hand.
"I forgot what I am here for. I'm here to help Alice, nothing more. I - um, I will stop interfering, I promise. I just," she paused, sniffling slightly, looking up at the sky and trying to force her tears away. "Gods, I just felt like I was a part of something."
Killian couldn't hold himself back anymore, not when she was so clearly hurting and thinking that she did not belong with him and Alice. He swallowed at the lump in his throat and wrapped his arm around her shoulder, pulling her to him. "You stop that, Swan. You belong here, with us," he whispered against her ear fiercely.
"Killian, you don't have to say that," she protested, wiping at her nose and trying to pull away from him. "I know I shouldn't have said what I did this morning."
"You're right, you shouldn't have. But that still does not change the fact that you're now a part of this," he whispered against her hair. "You're doing so much for Alice. You care so much for her. You do not treat her like she's different. You're so good, Emma. My daughter needs someone like you around."
Emma pulled away from his embrace, staring up at him with curious eyes. "What are you saying?"
"I'm saying - I'm asking you to stay. Not just for now. But, after. After we get Alice out of here. Join us. We could mean something to you, Alice and I." He saw her eyes widen in what he hoped was surprise, in a good way. "What do you say, Swan?"
Emma started to say something, but hesitated, her eyes searching his for any sign of uncertainty; he hoped all she could see was how sincere his offer had been. "Killian, I don't know…"
"Why not, Emma? What's stopping you?" he asked, silently imploring her to accept his offer.
Emma pressed her lips into a thin line, facing away from him again. "You said it yourself. I'm not her mother. I'm not your - I don't know where I would fit."
Killian did not miss her unspoken sentiment about them, but chose to ignore it. Alice needed Emma: it didn't matter what he wanted with her. It shouldn't. Now was not the time to talk about that, but there was other, more important information, that she needed to know. "I know you aren't her mother. But Alice's mother - she - ah, she-"
"You don't have to tell me about her. I know she's not here anymore. I assume it must have been horrible, for Alice to lose her mother," Emma whispered, closing her hand over his.
Killian's brows furrowed, extremely confused about Emma's statement. Did she think Alice's mother died? he wondered. What she said next only confirmed his suspicion.
Emma pressed her hand over the tattoo over Milah on his wrist, now covered by his shirt sleeve. "Milah, right? She was Alice's mother?"
Killian did not know if he should laugh or cry. Oh, if only she knew. "No, not Milah. Emma, Alice's mother is the one who trapped her in this tower. Gothel is Alice's mother."
Emma gaped at him, her hand slipping off his wrist. "She did this to her own blood?" Emma whispered brokenly. "She did this to Alice?"
Killian swallowed thickly, preparing himself to tell Emma everything.
-/-
Present Day: Land without Magic
"Well, Miss Swan, it looks like you've overexerted your heart. According to the chart that Dr. Riggs had sent over, you've very recently had heart surgery. Would you like to tell me what happened?" Dr. Altman asked as she listened to Emma's heart for any other abnormalities.
"Like you said, I just overexerted myself, pushed myself doing too much, too fast," Emma replied, smiling tightly at her doctor. "When can I leave?"
Dr. Altman looked taken aback, turning to shoot Killian a glance. Emma felt bad for him: he had no clue what was happening, and Emma could feel his worry for her and his guilt deep in her chest. When Killian did not offer any help, Dr. Altman shook her head. "Emma, you've had a very serious cardiac event. I would like to run some tests-"
"No," Emma protested stubbornly. "Give me medication, or some home remedies. I am not spending any more time here than I already have."
"Emma, that is not advisable," Dr. Altman replied. "You need to be given the proper interventions."
"That is not necessary. I would like to be discharged, please," Emma said, ignoring the swell of confusion and anger she felt from Killian.
Dr. Altman stared at her incredulously, as if that would deter Emma. "I don't think you understand how dire your situation is."
Emma let out a long, deep breath, getting tired of the same health spiel from the doctors in this realm. "Dr. Altman, I felt a tightness in my chest for a few minutes, nothing more. But it passed and I feel fine now. I hope you can respect my wishes and discharge me."
Dr. Altman looked like she wanted to argue further, but wisely decided against it. "Alright, but only if you agree to be discharged under the care of this young man here," she told Emma, pointing to Killian.
He stood up straighter when he realised that the doctor was talking about him. He approached Emma's bed, reaching for her hand. She could feel him relax slightly when she squeezed his hand in reassurance.
"I wouldn't be doing my job if I don't tell you that you are leaving here against my medical advice. It is not safe for you to leave, at least until I get your test results back, Emma."
Emma groaned, knowing at this point that she had no choice but to listen to Dr. Altman. It would be better to know that everything was fine, then to fall in the middle of a battle. Emma would require all her strength to defeat Gothel. "Fine. Alright. I'll stay until the results come back. You have one day, Dr. Altman."
-/-
Emma reclined in her hospital bed, trying to get as comfortable as she could get in a scratchy hospital gown. Killian had gone to talk to her doctor and promised to return in a while. That was a good thing, because it gave her time to think.
She knew what the next step was: she had to get him to Merlin so that they could get rid of the Darkness once and for all. She had just one magic bean. If Alice were here, she would have made the same choice. All those years that the two women had struggled through, to try and find Merlin, and to free him - it would all be for naught if Gothel got her hands on the Dark One's dagger. Emma had to make a tough decision, if only for Killian's sake.
Killian walked through the door just then, with two cups of something wiggling and colourful and two spoons. He placed one of each on her tray and sat down next to her hip. "Hey, I spoke with Dr. Altman. She said she has put a rush on your test results. Now, you just have to sit tight. Have some jello," he said, pointing his spoon at the goo in front of her. Emma made a face, her nose scrunching up in distaste.
"What in the seven hells is that?" she demanded, poking at it with her own spoon. "Jello?" she asked, imitating what he had said. But the word just felt strange in her mouth.
Killian chuckled at her confusion, but his expression quickly turned somber. "I can't believe you're in the hospital because of me, Emma. I'm so sorry I didn't believe you."
"Hey. Look at me," she demanded, her hand cupping his chin. "You didn't do this to me. I did. I was being reckless, and I paid the price. This is not your fault, alright?"
Killian sighed deeply, shaking his head at her. Whether in agreement or disagreement, she couldn't tell. "So, my dreams...they were all real?"
Emma licked her lips, anticipating his next question and contemplating how she could possibly answer that. "Um, yes. At least the ones that you've told me about."
"Ah." He seemed to be debating with himself, before he finally asked her the inevitable. "In my other life, my real life, I guess," he huffed out. "Do I - Do I have a daughter? Is her name Alice?"
Emma's heart was in her throat and she felt sick to her stomach. How could I possibly do what I need to? she thought to herself. But she had to.
"Uh, no. No, you didn't have a daughter. You don't have any children."