DISCLAIMER: Whedon's characters, any recognizable dialogue, and the canon events of their storyline are not mine.
A/N:
After mulling over how to handle the musical episode, I got thinking about season 5 of Angel when Gunn got his download of Gilbert and Sullivan from Wolfram & Hart. I wondered what would happen if everyone in Sunnydale got a temporary spell-induced download of songs from musicals (and music-centric movies) … and people were able to pull quotations from that vast archive.
Lyrics will be indicated in BOLD and the source will be noted at the end of the chapter.
CHAPTER 12
I wish a lot of things
Giles had stepped out onto the front porch of the Summers' house after saying goodnight to Buffy and Spike. He could hear Buffy rambling in animated fashion about something. Giles assumed it had to do with Dawn's behavior tonight. He suddenly realized that he was unaware of the time. Checking his watch, he found that it was 11:45pm. It seemed much later than that. Perhaps, he was getting too old for this kind of thing. After all, Watchers retired or moved into other roles after their Slayers were killed. Since his Slayer seemed to have nine lives, he had better pace himself – or do more to improve and maintain his health.
As he started to drive back to his apartment, he remembered that in the rush to go find (and rescue) Dawn and Janice, he had left some things at the Magic Box that he had intended to take home. He decided that he would stop at the store to retrieve those items and get a few things done. There was a peaceful quiet that came over the store when Anya was not there.
On his way to the store, he saw the marquee of the old movie theater, which had recently undergone a full restoration. From the photographs he had seen, they had done a remarkable job restoring it to its former glory. The lettering on the sign indicated that there was a midnight showing of The Rocky Horror Picture Show for Halloween. Some stragglers were out front buying their tickets at the last minute. A few patrons dressed in character costumes were standing on the sidewalk, smoking one last cigarette before entering the building.
As he drove past, this scene reminded him of his younger days as a musician and an actor. Some of these memories had been stirred during his recent trip to England. He had been able to spend time with some old friends and a few family, including a visit with his brother that was all too brief.
Once at the Magic Box, he sat at his desk and began to sort through a pile of mail. Some of the items had been pulled from his mailbox at home, incorrectly thinking he might have a moment today at the store to look through the stack. Amongst those items, he found a letter from his brother. More memories filled his mind. He sat for a while starring at nothing, remembering everything from their shared childhood to theater productions that they had both been in. He could not bring himself to open the letter. He hoped that the envelope before him was an indication that his brother also felt there were still some things they had left unsaid. However, he was hesitant to open it, fearful it might contain words that were less than amicable. It really could go either way.
Instead, he decided to tidy up from the impromptu party earlier that night. They had had time to do some picking up, but it was in no shape to receive customers in the light of day. As he collected trash and shelved misplaced items, he found himself muttering aloud, pondering having had to save Dawn tonight.
"Did she really think she could just traipse into the woods, then out of the woods, and home before dark? [1] After all, she is perfectly aware that she lives on a bloody hellmouth. Perhaps I should make her watch Into the Woods. Perhaps that would be a good teaching moment – the cautionary tale of people who think that they can do anything they wish and come away unscathed. But the truth of the matter is that we live in a world of fractured fairytales – and in Sunnydale, the fairytales are more fractured than the average citizen is aware.
"Would it be better if they were all aware? Maybe they all need to see Into the Woods! People like to think that all musicals are fun and fluffy nonsense, but that is far from true. More than that, theatre – when it is at its best – teaches us something. When it confronts and makes us uncomfortable – when it tells the truth unflinchingly, without hiding behind a veil or a mask, stripped of any pretense, niceties or pleasantries – then, perhaps, we arrive at a place where we can see sense, where we can see ourselves and others clearly. And then, armed with the truth, we can do battle against the evil that exists in this world, while protecting and caring for one another."
Giles sighed and continued, "If only wishing made it so!" Then, he sang a snippet from the musical in question: "I wish ... More than anything ... More than jewels ... More than life ... More than the moon … I wish … I wish a lot of things." [1]
A short while later, he gathered his things, locked up the store, and headed to his parked car. Something made him glance down the street at the movie theater. Maybe it was the unopened letter or the memories it had triggered, but he changed his mind about going home. He had not been to a showing of Rocky Horror in years. He bought a ticket and as he walked through the lobby, he could hear that "The Time Warp" was about to begin. He stepped through the door and found himself surrounded by people on their feet ready to take a jump to the left and then a step to the right. [2]
It was like stepping back in time. He remembered every lyric, every line of dialogue, every audience response. He would always have a fondness for the stage version (which he had done in years past), but he was glad that the film was available for the masses to enjoy – well, maybe not masses, but an underground cult following anyway.
[
Meanwhile, Spike was mulling over recent events and conversations as he walked home. Unbeknownst to him, a wish had occurred elsewhere in Sunnydale. As he was nearing his crypt, he felt a strong need to express his frustration and found these words on the tip of his tongue: "Love makes such fools of us all." [3]
Spike was aware that he had sung that sentence, yet he thought he had done so intentionally. Therefore, it did not immediately seem unusual to him.
Once he was back at the crypt, he had become so irritated that he poured himself a drink, as if on autopilot. He removed his coat and sat in the chair – bottle in one hand, glass in the other. In between sips of whiskey, Spike was coming to the conclusion that he was as hurt as he was angry.
His pain poured out of him in song. "Before I gaze at you again, I'll need a time for tears. I have so much forgetting to do – before I try to gaze again at you." [4]
Now, the singing seemed a bit weird, but since he was continuing to drink and sift through his feelings, he chose to let it go – for the moment anyway. It did not take much alcohol before he reached the point of despair.
I don't know if I can do this – not for another day, another week, let alone another three years. She warned me that it would take a while for her to come around and implied there would be times when it seemed like I was losing ground in this battle. But tonight, she clearly said that the Slayer could not be with a vampire. So how exactly do I work with that? Do I believe her words or her actions – or both … or neither?
He dropped his head into his hands and wept.
[
After Spike left the house, Buffy had tried to figure out why he had gotten upset. As much as she tried to tell herself that she was trying to figure it out, she already knew. As her mind considered the truth of what her heart recognized, these words came pouring out of her mouth:
"I don't know how I let you so far inside my mind, but there you are and there you will stay." [5]
The truth that she was hearing in her own voice would have been startling enough, but doubly so – because she was singing. However, her self-revelatory rambling continued. She shook her head at the meaning of the words as much as the fact that she was singing them.
After several minutes of reflective singing, she found she was exhausted. Although it was highly unusual to burst into song, she decided that she could deal with this strangeness after she had gotten some sleep.
[
About an hour had passed since Spike had arrived home. He had continued to drink while he looked at his handwritten timeline and notes about upcoming events. He worked his way back from hurt to anger – reminding himself that she had kissed him twice before she died.
She had said what I did for her and Dawn was real. Why could she not see that the kiss she gave me was real? What would it take to finally get through to her? Her future self said to be patient. Maybe she was right; maybe time was the solution. Maybe I could help it along.
"Just think you need time to know that I'm the guy to make it real – the feelings you don't dare to feel. I'll bend the world to our will and we'll make time stand still. That's the plan." [6]
He looked at the timeline before him, letting out a laugh that was filled with frustration and sarcasm. "The plan. Yeah, right. You show up from the future with all this information. And that's somehow supposed to fix all these things in the next few years? How can I be sure that knowing any of this will even help?"
Finally, he hit the breaking point and needed to hear her voice. For the first time in a long time, he decided to listen to the cassette of his conversation with future-Buffy. He wanted to hear it through speakers not through headphones, so he played it in the boombox rather than the Walkman.
At first, he thought he had put in the wrong tape. Then, he considered that it was just the effects of the alcohol. It was indeed Buffy's voice that was coming from the stereo, but she was singing:
"Two hearts that lost the beat will now resume. The gift of life extension by divine intervention."
In a state of disbelief, Spike stared at the speakers and exclaimed, "What the bloody hell is going on?!"
The cassette continued to sing to him: "It's gotta be a strange twist of fate telling me that Heaven can wait. I'm gonna get it right this time. Life doesn't mean a thing without the love you bring. Love is what we've found the second time around." [7]
Eventually, he had to admit that not only was it strange that the recorded conversation seemed to have been replaced, but it was also strange that he had been singing on and off since his walk home. As that realization hit home, he stopped the tape.
[
Buffy had tried unsuccessfully to go to sleep, thoughts still swirling in her mind. Finally, she decided to get up and go to talk to Spike – see if they could sort this out.
When she arrived outside his door, she heard a female voice singing inside his crypt. Just as she opened the door, the voice stopped.
Walking through the doorway, she said, "Am I interrupting? Sounded like you had company." She looked around. "I thought I heard someone singing."
Spike pointed at the cassette player and replied, "I was playing a tape." In his inebriated state, he tried to assess her mood. "What brings you here … at this hour?"
"I couldn't sleep and I thought we should talk about earlier. You seemed … no, you were upset." She paused while considering how to say the next part without sounding like a crazy person. "Also, not sure if you noticed, but there seems to be a weird music thing happening."
He chuckled. "Yeah, now that you mention it, I had noticed." He found an empty glass, poured two drinks, and handed one to her. "So, you said something about talking. Or would you rather sing? Unless you're more of a sprechstimme girl."
She smirked and shook her head. Then, she began to tread ever-so-lightly around the subject. "Look, I know this thing … us … whatever it is, whether friendship or otherwise … I know that it would be complicated anyway, but it's even more complicated by this whole having-been-dead thing. It's a lot for all of us to deal with. But I feel like we – you and I – need to clear the air. Not just now, tonight, but on a regular basis. I need to know that I can talk to you, because I can't talk to the others right now." She paused and took a sip of her drink. "You've never held back what you thought before. When you turned and left earlier … well, I don't want to leave things like that, leave things unsaid. If you have something you need to say, say it."
"What would I possibly have to say?"
"Well, for starters, I think you were upset by what I said about Angel when we were talking to Dawn. But I'd rather hear it from you than make assumptions."
His gaze dropped to the glass in his hand. "You keep saying that we'll talk about that kiss. You said it the night you died – that if we both survived, we'd have to deal with it. We also need to talk about when you pretended to be the Bot to find out what I had told Glory – you kissed me that day too." He looked up at her pointedly. "But tonight, you announced in no uncertain terms that a Slayer and a vampire could never be together."
Although he seemed prepared to go on, she cut him off. "That's not exactly what I said."
"No, it is precisely what you said."
"Well, then, it's not what I meant. I mean, it is what I meant, but …" She stopped herself.
"But what?"
Buffy could not bring herself to answer his question and turned away from him.
A moment later, he had closed the distance between them and boldly began to sing these words to her: "Ever since I saw you, shivers down my spine. You're the one; you're the chosen one. I'm here to make you mine. You're the one out of all the loves I've known – all my centuries alone." [8] As he sang, Spike gently turned her face back toward his. It was quiet for a minute. Then, Spike broke the silence by asking, "So, what did you mean?"
She swallowed and caught her breath. "I'm not so sure it was a good idea for me to come here, to try to talk tonight. This music thing seems to have some kind of truth serum effect."
"Since when is truth bad?"
"In theory, it's not. In practice, it can lead to all kinds of messy." She could feel his eyes on her, just waiting for her to answer his earlier question. After a few moments, she gave in. "I meant ... that it could not work with Angel even if there was no curse, because if there was no curse, ... then he would be Angelus. And it would be impossible—"
He sighed as he finished her thought, "… for the Slayer to have a relationship with Angelus. Got it." Finishing the last sip of his drink, he tilted his head and asked, "So what about us? You and me?"
She gazed into his eyes and seemed to weigh her words carefully. "Honestly? I'm not sure."
Spike started to speak, but found himself singing instead. "Could it be we're the perfect pair? Have it all, if we'd only dare?"
Buffy responded, continuing the song: "Meeting you was a dangerous thing – can't control what is happening."
The intensity was more than Buffy could deal with at the moment. She ran from the crypt without a goodbye.
He called after her, "So … you're not staying then?"
Spike poured himself another drink and pushed play on the stereo. The cassette picked up where he and Buffy had left off. "It's hard to fight when it feels so good. If there's something, don't you think that we should take another chance on love? When it feels so right? Take a chance and fall tonight." [9]
He thought that they should. But Buffy was being all avoidy.
[
When Giles arrived home, he set the pile of mail on his desk and poured himself a drink. Finally, he sat down to read the letter from his brother. He opened the envelope and unfolded the stationary. As he laid eyes on the words scrawled in ink, it was as if they floated off the page and he heard his brother Murray singing these words:
"I'm sorry for everything I've said and for anything I forgot to say. When things get so complicated, I stumble … at best, muddle through. I wish I could tell you this face to face, but there's never the time, never the place. So, this letter will have to do." [10]
Giles said to his empty apartment, "Well, that was certainly peculiar."
There had been an old familiar smell in the theater. Perhaps, he had a bit of a contact high. Or perhaps, he just needed more Scotch to deal with all the memories that came flooding back, as well as the resulting wave of emotion he was now riding.
He became quite melancholy as he sifted through his record collection looking for something to fit his mood. He came across Jesus Christ Superstar which of course reminded him of his brother – because Murray had originated the role of Judas. He decided to give in to the reverie and listen to the album.
The Apostles had inquired of Jesus: "What's the buzz? Tell me what's happening."
Giles sang Jesus' response: "Why should you want to know? Don't you mind about the future. Don't you try to think ahead. Save tomorrow for tomorrow; think about today instead."
Reclining on couch, Giles realized had not actually played the LP. "Hmm. What's going on? Tell me what's happening." [11*]
Now around 3 a.m., he fell asleep on the couch thinking to himself that he would have to figure it all out after he had gotten some sleep.
A/N:
Many thanks for reading. Until next time…
~Jen
7 April 2016
SONGS in this chapter:
[1] Into the Woods (1987 Broadway / 1990 West End / 1991 tv / 2014 film) "Prologue"
[2] The Rocky Horror Show (1973 West End / 1975 Broadway / 1975 film) "The Time Warp"
[3] Barnum (1980 Broadway / 1981 West End / 1986 tv) "Love Makes Such Fools of Us All"
[4] Camelot (1960 Broadway / 1964 West End / 1967 film) "Before I Gaze at You Again"
[5] Passion (1994 Broadway / 1996 West End) "I Wish I Could Forget You"
[6] Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog (2008 online series) "My Freeze Ray"
[7] Two of a Kind (1983 movie) "Twist of Fate"
[8] Dracula (2004 Broadway) "The Seduction"
[9] Two of a Kind (1983 movie) "Take a Chance"
[10] Aida (2000 Broadway) "Radames' Letter"
[11] Jesus Christ Superstar (1970 concept album * / 1971 Broadway / 1972 West End / 1973 film) "What's the Buzz"
*On the concept album, role of Judas was sung by Murray Head, brother of Anthony Stewart Head.