DISCLAIMER: Whedon's characters, any recognizable dialogue, and the canon events of their storyline are not mine.
A/N:
Apologies for the delay. I had hoped to get this chapter to you while it was still the holiday season. I finally sat down this week to write it out.
There will be a couple references to the movie Kate & Leopold in this chapter. Its actual release date was 25 December 2001. For my fic, I'm gonna pretend it came out earlier that December.
Chapter 23 occurs in December 2001 in the Season 6 timeline.
CHAPTER 23
Tidings of Comfort and Joy
He had a plan. A good plan. Smart. Carefully laid out.
The idea had begun to take shape a few weeks earlier. And since then, Spike had spent a great deal of time planning this Christmas surprise for Buffy.
Even with everything going on – Dawn still settling in at home, Tara moving back in, Buffy getting ready to start taking classes again, the busyness of the holiday season – Spike and Buffy had decided to take the time to go on an actual date. That night, the rest of the Scoobies did an early patrol. Later after their date, Spike and Buffy would make another sweep.
They went to the same little bistro they had gone to last month just after the singing spell had ended. Buffy loved the menu and had told Spike that there were several things she wished she had been able to try that first time. That made it an easy decision to choose to go there again. After all, he didn't care where they ate as long as he got to watch her enjoy her meal.
After dinner, they walked to the movie theatre. A new romantic comedy had just been released. Neither of them knew too much about Kate & Leopold before they sat down in front of the screen. However, as the characters and plot were revealed to them, Buffy found her mind filling with questions she wanted to ask Spike about the past – specifically about the years he was alive. On the other hand, Spike saw the movie as a springboard into a conversation he knew he needed to have with her about the future.
As they watched Leopold struggle to fit into the 21st century after traveling through time from 1876, they were both captivated by the love story that unfolded – two people with very different backgrounds and personalities who were not only attracted to one another, but were clearly better together than they were apart.
After the movie, Buffy suggested getting a cup of coffee so they could talk. But as soon as they sat down at a table, they realized that they couldn't talk openly with other people nearby. They took their coffee and walked down the block to find a bench.
Buffy began by asking if the movie accurately portrayed the 19th century.
He replied, "I have no idea what New York was like at the time, but in general, it seems like a fair representation of an English gentleman coming to America in search of a bride whose family's money would complement his title and lineage."
"Did he actually exist?"
"Leopold? Well, there was a Duke of Albany named Leopold. He was the son of Queen Victoria and Prince Albert. But he wasn't an inventor. A bit of trivia … there was an Elisha Otis who founded the Otis Elevator Company."
"Ah … they took bits of history and mixed them together."
"So, it would seem. The clothing and hairstyles certainly brought back memories. In fact, I wish I could forget the many society events I was subjected to. Although I was part of the upper class, the things that were important to them weren't the same things I valued."
"Like what?"
"This may be difficult to believe, but I preferred substantive conversation over social niceties – the commonplace incessant small talk, whatever was considered acceptable banter. I wanted to discuss literary works, things of beauty and inspiration. It was difficult to find anyone – particularly a woman – with whom I could enjoy such … intercourse. I enjoyed words. Spoken but also written. I spent quite a lot of time reading and writing – mostly poetry. Within my social circle, there wasn't anyone who shared my interests. More to the point, they took great pleasure in insulting my passion and creative efforts."
"Were you like Leopold?"
"Not really. I held no title. And I was more ... socially awkward. Much more awkward."
"I find that hard to believe."
"Remember when Giles Jr. showed up? What's his name?"
"You mean Wesley?"
"Yeah. A bit like him. Utterly proper, painfully shy, and easily shocked."
She asked several more questions as they made their way through a few cemeteries. Thinking of the movie again, she was curious about his life in the year that Leopold had leaped through time. "What were you doing in 1876?"
"Still had a few years as a human. Not much to tell. All the normal society stuff ... plus caring for my mother ... managing our house and financial affairs. Basically, I was waiting for my life to begin. I hoped to marry and have a wife to care for ... and for her to manage the house as my mother had before her illness."
Buffy stifled a laugh, but could not hide her smile.
Noticing her reaction, he said, "Don't laugh. It's what was expected."
"Did you want to get married? Did you have someone in mind?"
Although he hesitated, he decided to answer honestly. "There was girl – a young lady – with whom I was quite taken. But she had no interest in me."
"Your charm didn't work on her?" Buffy teased.
"I was lacking in the charm department back then."
That certainly had changed over the years, she thought to herself. She was quiet during the last stretch of their walk home. It gave him time to ponder her curiosity about the time in which he had lived.
Arriving at front door, he gave her a goodnight kiss. Still in his arms, she invited him to come inside.
"Not tonight, luv. I have something to take care of."
She wasn't sure if she should be insulted or at the least, suspicious. "What could you possibly need to do at this hour?"
Tenderly stroking her hair with one hand, he pulled her closer with his other arm. "Christmas is approaching. Should respectful of a few secrets this time of year. How else will I be able to surprise you?"
"If you're trying to make me curious, you've succeeded."
[
After leaving Buffy's house, Spike went to Willy's. He paid him for use of his office computer and internet. Spike remembered hearing another older vampire talking about an event he'd gone to that reminded him of his upbringing. If memory served, it was in San Francisco. It only took a quick search to locate the website for The Great Dickens Christmas Fair. Open each year during the holidays – celebrating not only the works of Dickens, but also Victorian Christmas traditions in general.
Spike found all the pertinent info and printed out a few pages. He even located a bed and breakfast in a restored Victorian era house.
The next day, he told Buffy he needed to be gone for a few days, but he would be back in time for Xander's party. Before he left, he ran his plan past Tara to make sure she was willing to assist him.
He still had some contacts from his days in the L.A. scene. Made a call to a club owner, an old friend who happened to be a demon, and asked if he could work a night or two to make some quick cash. He was equally comfortable being a bouncer or a bartender – as long as he didn't have to make those fruity drinks. Beer, shots, old school cocktails – that he could do in his sleep.
In one night behind the bar, he made a crazy amount in tips. It was amazing the effect his crooked smile had on the ladies – and more than a few guys. If turning on the charm garnered him a pocketful full of earnings, then charming he would be.
During his brief visit to the City of Angels, he managed to avoid seeing Angel. The next day, he went to San Francisco and booked a room for an upcoming weekend, paying in cash. He bought tickets and made other necessary arrangements. He walked around the arena, taking in the Dickens Fair for a couple hours in order to make a more detailed plan for their outing.
[
[
As promised, he had returned to Sunnydale in plenty of time to attend Xander and Anya's Christmas party. That night, they had kissed in front of her friends, leaving no doubt about their relationship status. At the end of the night, he had told her that he had a surprise planned for her.
During the week leading up to their trip, they rented The Muppet Christmas Carol. While they watched, he asked her how much Dickens she knew.
Her answer of, "Not much," didn't exactly surprise him.
"During my life, I preferred the works of other writers. His writing was too … realistic for my taste at the time. I didn't want to think about poverty, crime, … things that common people were enduring every day." He let out a wry chuckle. "Little did I know that my pleasant existence surrounded by beautiful things was about to be traded in for a life filled with all the things I detested … and I would quickly begin to enjoy … even relish."
Shifting the focus of the conversation, she asked, "He was alive at the same time as you?"
"I was born several years after A Christmas Carol was published. And he died a decade before Drusilla …" His gaze dropped as he made a conscious decision to not finish that sentence. "But yes, from my earliest memory, I was aware of him and his writing."
After the movie finished, they went into the kitchen to make hot cocoa. Once back in the living room, they started a fire and turned off most of the lights. As they drank their cocoa by the soft light of the Christmas tree, Buffy prodded Spike with questions about Victorian Christmas customs.
By the time he finished, she was amazed at the number of traditions that had begun when he was alive and continued to this day.
The first Christmas card was designed in 1843 and wished the recipient "A Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year To You." Christmas trees were common in homes in the 1840s after Queen Victoria married Prince Albert, who brought the German tradition with him to England. Dressed in a red suit, Father Christmas and St. Nicholas were blended together and began to look like our modern notion of Santa Claus. "The Night Before Christmas" was first published in a newspaper in 1823 and by the mid-1840s, it was included in an anthology of poetry. Caroling began in the Victorian era and became the sound of the season.
"If you were to step back in time, many of the sights, smells, and sounds of Christmas would be familiar to you." Spike seemed to get lost in nostalgia for a moment. "I wish I had a time machine … or could find a portal to jump through like Kate and Leopold did. I'd love to show you where I'm from, the years I was alive."
Buffy put her head on his shoulder and snuggled into his side as she said, "That would be amazing."
Kissing the top of her head, Spike smiled to himself about the surprise he had planned for her. He thought it was a good idea. Tara said she agreed. Now, he was almost certain that Buffy would like it. Pleasing her made it worth all the effort.
[
[
As the weekend approached, he gave her a vague description of what their trip would entail and instructed her to back a bag. That Friday, they left in the afternoon. Spike was under a blanket in the back seat while Buffy drove the first leg of the trip. He gave her the first part of the directions with instructions to stop when the sun had set so he could take over the drive from there.
They arrived at the bed and breakfast just before 7 pm. After checking in and putting their bags in their room, they called a nearby restaurant to have dinner delivered. The beautifully restored Victorian home was charming and Spike wanted to make the most of their time there – and the fact that he had her all to himself.
Before they left Sunnydale, he had rented Great Expectations – well, he had taken it from the video store with the intent to return it. They began to watch it in their room while waiting for the food to be delivered.
As Buffy settled into the loveseat, she said, "You're really on a Dickens kick lately. I thought you didn't like him."
"Not while I was alive, but I've come to appreciate his forthright telling of life in those days. 'It was the best of times, it was the worst of times ...' He was onto something when he wrote that."
"Okay … but what the Dickens has you so obsessed with Dickens all of a sudden?"
"Ah! You've arrived at the reason for the drive to this fair hamlet."
"And now your accent has changed. What's with the highbrow?"
He paused the video for a few minutes. With the pages he had printed from the website in his hands, he proceeded to tell her about The Great Dickens Christmas Fair. Since he had taken the time to visit briefly, he could tell her firsthand about the fun to be had. There were shops. Dancing and parlor games at Fezziwig's. For children: Father Christmas, puppets, and other fun. An operetta by Gilbert & Sullivan. Carolers and other musical entertainment. Dramatic presentations and people in costume portraying historical figures to give a sense of history and the flavor of Victorian times. There would be scenes from A Christmas Carol as well as other Dickens characters wandering the fair throughout the day.
Showing her the schedule of events, he said, "It would be nearly impossible to get everything into one day, but have a look. Decide what you'd like to do and we'll do our best."
"I can't believe …" She said shaking her head. "I'm … I don't know what … I mean, really …"
"We seem to have lost radio contact," he teased her.
She smacked his arm, but smiled at him. He restarted the video and went back to eating. After she had finished her dinner, she picked up the schedule and marked the things she was interested in doing the next day.
By the time Great Expectations ended, Buffy was yawning. She had anticipated that Spike would be tearing her clothes off the moment he had her alone, but he had not made a move in that direction. As he threw the remnants of their meal into the trash, Buffy began to get ready for bed. After they had both climbed under the covers, she moved toward him. He embraced her and kissed her passionately, but not ravenously. Then, he surprised her by settling back into the pillow, mentioning that he wanted to get an early start in the morning to make the most of the day. She was mildly disappointed as she snuggled into his shoulder, preparing for sleep.
Sensing her mood, he whispered, "Get plenty of sleep tonight, luv. Because I do not plan on letting you sleep tomorrow night."
She laughed as she lifted her head to look at him. "You have plans for me, do you?"
"Many. Numerous. Countless. You have no idea how many plans I have for you." He kissed her forehead. "Just not tonight. Sleep."
And sleep she did – drifting off with a smile on her face.
[
[
When she awoke the next morning, Spike was across the room, placing a tray of food on the table. Hearing her move, he looked up and began walking toward the bed.
"Good morning, luv. Sleep well?"
"Mmm. Yes."
"Hungry?"
"Mmm. Yes."
He took her hand and led her to the table. As they ate, he looked over the things she had marked on the schedule. It looked like they could get most of those activities in.
Walking across the room, he said, "There's a reason I wanted to get up early … to give us plenty of time to get ready."
"Plenty of time? For what?"
"They encourage period costume."
"Why didn't you tell me before we left? I didn't bring anything that …"
Opening the closet door, he said, "Not a problem."
"You rented costumes. Again."
"Mine has a cape with a hood. To keep covered until we get inside the arena."
"Good thinking," she said with a smile.
Then, he held up a bottle of temporary hair color. "To complete my old look …" Running his fingers through his hair, he added, "And I'm not going to slick it back."
A smile spread across her face as she stepped toward him to put her own fingers in his hair. "I get to play with your curls?"
[
After Buffy helped him change his hair to something near its original color, they showered and began getting ready. While Spike was getting dressed, Buffy did her hair and makeup. Then, Spike had to assist Buffy with the many layers of her costume, since she was unaccustomed to those types of garments.
He didn't mind. In fact, he took his time, locking eyes with her as he went.
She knew the plans for the day included getting dressed and leaving their room, but if he continued what he was doing – how he was doing it – she would insist on removing their clothes and staying here all day.
As if he could read her thoughts – or at least, her facial expression – he said, "Not now, pet. Plenty of time for that later."
"Promise?"
After licking his lip, he nodded.
"Okay. But stop looking at me like that."
"Like what?"
"You know what you're doing."
"Enlighten me, luv."
"That little seductive stare of yours. Stop it."
"Seductive? And you're asking me to stop. Does that mean it's working?"
"Spike—"
He cut her off, "Today, why don't you call me William." Gesturing to his attire, he said, "After all, I'm dressed the part."
"Fine. William … you know very well what that look of yours does to me."
"Do I now?"
"Yeah. You do. Quit denying it."
Stepping toward her and leaning close to whisper in her ear, "I do know. In fact, I can smell it." Inhaling through his nose and then sighing, "Mmm. Later. Tearing your clothes off now would be counterproductive." He kissed her cheek, stepped backward, and took in her appearance. "You look stunning."
Buffy walked over to a mirror, smoothed her hair in a few places, and checked her makeup.
He moved to stand just behind her. "I've travelled quite a bit in my years as a vampire, as you know. I haven't kept much of anything over the years. I just take what I need when I get to a new place. But this one thing I have managed to hold onto." Reaching around her, his hand opened in front of her. "I'd like you to wear this today."
Looking at the antique locket resting in his palm, she said, "It's beautiful."
"It was my mother's," he said as he opened it to reveal two images: a young boy and a man wearing glasses. "It's all I have left of that life, of her."
She spun in his arms and touched his cheek, her gaze alternating between his face and the locket. After a long moment, she asked, "Will you help me put it on?"
[
They arrived at the Great Dickens Christmas Fair just as it was opening at 10 a.m. With the printed schedule and a map of the layout in their hands, they had the entire day before them to explore and enjoy.
After attending one of the theatrical performances, they wandered around, stopping to listen to the carolers and to interact with some of the costumed characters who were roaming throughout the Fair. Then, they went to "Fezziwig's Warehouse" to attend the dance party, which was now in full swing.
The music was wonderfully infectious. At first, Buffy was intimidated by trying to follow dances that were unfamiliar to her, but soon, she found herself smiling, even laughing. Mostly, she found herself impressed at Spike's – or rather, William's – skill on the dance floor. He clearly remembered each of these dances and was a flawless dance partner. She wondered briefly what it would have been like to get to know him as a human – then, she realized that she was getting a chance at that today.
After much merrymaking and frolicking, they went in search of sustenance. She let him order for her and he seemed to delight in introducing her to his favorite things.
With their bellies contentedly full, they set out for the shops. They visited the haberdashery, where William tried on several things while Buffy looked on admiringly. Then, they made a stop at a jewelry store. As she tried on several pieces, Spike found himself wishing he could buy all of them for her.
Next, they passed by a portrait studio. Initially, they had not planned to stop, but Buffy steered them back that way, saying that she wanted something to remember this day. The photographer's assistant complimented their costumes, saying that they obviously did not need to borrow anything from their closet, but offered them the opportunity to look through their accessories. Spike chose a pair of glasses that completed his William look. Buffy added a pair of gloves, a small handbag, and a wrap. Then, they chose a background for their portrait. They were immediately shown a preview on a computer screen. Given the package options, they chose an 8x10 and two wallets. They were told to come back at 6pm to pick them up.
[
Stopping at a gift shop that sold books, among other things. Spike picked up a copy of Great Expectations. Thumbing through pages, he found the passage he was looking for. He began reading aloud, attracting no small amount of attention from shoppers and staff alike. He phrased the excerpt as if he were reading poetry, editing out portions as he went, personalizing the message:
"You are part of my existence, part of myself.
You have been in every line I have ever read, since I first came here,
the rough common boy whose poor heart you wounded even then.
You have been in every prospect I have ever seen since –
… in the light, in the darkness, … in the streets.
You have been the embodiment of every graceful fancy
that my mind has ever become acquainted with.
… To the last hour of my life,
you cannot choose but remain part of my character,
part of the little good in me, part of the evil.
But, in this separation I associate you only with the good,
and I will faithfully hold you to that always,
for you must have done me far more good than harm …"
As Spike closed the book and put it in its place on the shelf, only then did he realize that he had garnered an audience. He did not have time to be embarrassed by that, because Buffy stepped toward him to give him a kiss – the type of kiss that was rare for her to give in public. The words he read had caused her to drop her guard, forget her surroundings, forget herself.
[
Shortly after 6 p.m., they picked up their portraits. The Fair – which was scheduled to close at 7 p.m. – was winding down for the day. They had decided that they would get food to take back to their room.
On their way to make their dinner selection, they went past a vendor selling flowers. The woman called out to them, insisting that a gentleman would certainly want to buy a flower for such a beautiful lady. Spike was persuaded to stop, not so much because he intended to buy any flowers, but because he knew this gave him the opportunity to impress Buffy one more time before leaving. Thinking about the things she had mentioned after seeing Kate & Leopold, he knew that his above average knowledge of flowers had the potential to make her swoon.
The woman behind the counter began her spiel, explaining the meaning of a few different flowers before Spike politely interrupted her. Taking over, he went from flower to flower, giving special emphasis to his favorites. In the end, he chose a single red tulip.
As the woman wrapped the flower and commented her approval of his choice, Spike replied that he could not help but declare his love for Buffy. Quoting Great Expectations, he said sincerely, "'I loved her against reason, against promise, against peace, against hope, against happiness, against all discouragement that could be.'"
"You, sir, know your Dickens," the woman said to Spike as she handed the flower to Buffy.
As they walked away from the impressed florist, Spike felt compelled to tell her that he had left flowers for her before. She knew that there had been a private burial for her close friends and Dawn. Dawn had told her that Spike was there in the shade of a tree. However, until now, she did not know that he had taken the time to visit her grave later that night – wanting to have a moment alone with her.
He told her about the flowers he left and what they meant. To himself, he rehearsed the reason he had chosen each flower.
Lily of the Valley – return of happiness.
Because despite the grief he was experiencing at the time, he anticipated her return.
Red Tulip – declaration of love.
Because even death would not stop him from continuing to express his affection for her.
Blue violets – faithfulness.
Because his heart belonged to her and he would remain faithful in spite of her present absence.
White violets – take a chance on love.
Because he knew it was a gamble. All of it.
Waiting for her to return. And waiting for her to return his affections.
Then. he told her about the words he spoke and sang at her graveside that night – the poem by Robert Browning declaring "You'll Love Me Yet" and the folksong that proclaimed:
"Though sad fate our lives may sever
Parting will not last forever,
There's a hope that leaves me never,
All through the night."
The words resonated with Buffy. And though she was not yet ready to use the word "love" to label her feelings for Spike, she was getting a clearer picture of the depth and breadth of his feelings for her. He had watched her leap to her death, carried her body to the house, grieved for her, and helped her begin to live again when she returned. If that's not love, she wasn't sure what was.
[
As they waited to pick up their dinner order, they sat at a table having tea. Buffy's eyes scanned the Fair – the past come to life before their eyes.
Seeing the wheels turning in her head, he said, "I feel as if I've talked your ear off about the way things were, but you seem to be … well, I guess what I'm getting at is … do you have any questions I haven't already answered?"
"You mentioned a girl that you were interested in back then, If that's what you were looking for back then – someone with the right pedigree, the right social status – would you have been interested in me then?"
"I thought we covered this. Those girls were flighty and—"
"Yes, but you admitted that you were different then. Would you have fallen for someone who came with my particular array of … baggage? I mean, if you didn't like the reality in Dickens' writing, how would you have dealt with … my calling?" Buffy was choosing her words carefully since there were other people close by.
He took a sip of tea, wiped his mouth on his napkin, and looked into her eyes before answering. "Truthfully, no. I certainly would have noticed your beauty. But if I'd seen you in action, I'd have been intimidated by your physical strength and confidence. Also, I'd have been put off by the … what I would have considered at the time … distasteful situations you find yourself in."
"And yet … you fell for Drusilla."
With a chuckle, he admitted, "You got me there. Perhaps, I would have given you a second look." He tilted his head and paused. "The question is … would you have gone for someone like me … the way I was then? You seemed to become bored with Soldier Boy, who was the closest thing to a 'normal guy' you've dated for any length of time."
"It wasn't boredom. It was a bad fit." She watched her fingers as they played with the napkin in her lap. "I think if you – William – had been persistent, my romantic side would have paid attention. And I'd have given you a chance." She looked up and smiled. "Your … way with words would probably have won me over."
He returned her smile. They finished their tea in silence.
After picking up their food order, they began to make their way to the exit.
As they were leaving, Buffy asked, "Do you miss it … where you're from? I mean, would you want to go back if you could? Do you wish you could have lived out a normal human life in that time?"
"Not become a vampire? In a way, yes. But I would never have met you. And a life without you is unimaginable and hardly seems worth living."
"What was it that Kate said to Leopold? Something like: 'I don't want it to be Sunday. I want more of this – more 1876.' That's exactly how I feel right now." She linked her arm through his and leaned into his side. "Thank you for this. All of this. This was a day I'll never forget."
He slowed the pace of their walk so he could lean over and kiss the side of her head. "Neither will I."
[
Arriving in their room, Spike set the bags of food on the table while Buffy put their purchases near her suitcase. He removed the tulip from the paper and took a bud vase from the bedside table which until now contained a silk rose – placing it in the center of the table, he put the red tulip where it could be admired.
He took her hand to lead her to a chair, but she pulled him toward the settee. With her hand on his chest, she gently pushed to get him to sit down. Still wearing her period costume, she sat straddling his thighs. She began to nibble at his ear and sprinkle kisses down his neck. Clearly, she was trying to start something, but she could tell that his train of thought was not matching hers.
He gently lifted her off his lap, saying, "Before things go any further … there's something I need to talk to you about, but first we should eat."
Frowning, she said, "Well, that's sounds ominous."
"I don't mean it to. But it is important."
He led her to the table, pulling out her chair. Then, he opened the boxes of food and served her. Sitting down, he began to eat and considered how to begin the conversation.
When the silence was more than Buffy could bear, she asked, "Do we have to wait until after we eat? Or could you start to tell me now?"
"I guess I could start … but most of it will be easier after we are finished." He put down his fork and wiped his mouth. "What I need to talk to you about … it involves time travel."
"That's becoming a theme for you," Buffy teased.
"Yes, but this is a serious matter. What I'm about to tell you … it's going to take a leap of faith … but you need to know this."
"I'm listening."
"I'm trying to decide where to start …" He picked up his forked and moved the food around on his plate. "I keep thinking of the beginning of A Christmas Carol. If I were to insert your name: 'There is no doubt that Buffy was dead. This must be distinctly understood, or nothing wonderful can come of the story I am going to relate.' That quote may very well be the best segue I could come up with."
"So … what is this story you need to tell me?"
"The night we went to fight Glory … we went back to your house to get weapons. Right before we left … you were sitting on the stairs … and didn't remember the moments that led to that one." He looked up at her. "There's a reason for that." He paused for a second to make sure she was following what he was saying. "Just as I was doing a bit of speechmaking … when you were walking up the stairs …"
"I remember. What about it?"
"Trust me when I say I know this going to sound strange … the actual event was stranger still. That gap in your memory … well, during that gap I was visited by someone from the future. I had a hard time believing it at first too, but there was a car outside … just paused while driving down the street. And a countdown clock magically appeared in your entryway."
"That would be … strange." She reached across the table to touch his hand. "You seem nervous. I've seen some strange things in my short life. I can handle it. Just tell me what happened."
He suggested they finish eating before he continued. The silence was not uncomfortable, but both of them were filled with anticipation, though for different reasons.
She cleaned up the table while he retrieved a few things from his overnight bag. He returned to the table, placing a cassette player and folded piece of paper in between them.
He did his best to explain what was said before the record button had been pressed, then he decided to simply let the cassette do the talking for him.
Buffy heard her own voice saying, "Why don't you sit down and I'll tell you why I'm here."
Then, she heard Spike ask, "What's so bloody important that you traveled three years to say it?"
Her voice replied, "Let's start with this: at this moment in time, your time, your present Buffy … I'm not in love with you. Wait – don't interrupt me. Let me get this out." Buffy listened to herself ramble about having fallen in love with Spike somewhere along the way. "Anyway, I went to the Powers That Be and asked if they could give me a second chance with you. I guess this is it. They didn't really explain. One minute they gave me a green light. The next, I'm walking up this very set of stairs, hearing your voice behind me."
There was a long pause, after which Spike asked, "So, how precisely do you propose that we fix three years in less than two hours?"
"I think I can pinpoint some key moments and events – that if we had handled them differently – would change what it looks like where I'm from." After hearing that, Buffy pressed the stop button and stared at the cassette player as if it might explode.
He could tell she was trying to make sense of not just the existence of the tape, but the implications for the future – as well as what effect it may have had on the past few months. Quietly, he waited for her to respond.
Finally, she began, "The pause … what happened during that pause?" She looked up at him, searching his eyes for the answer. "Did we kiss?"
"Yes. You kissed me. I expect that I looked as shocked then as you do now."
"And the rest of this tape … I tell you what's going to happen the next three years?"
"Well, you – future-you – tell me what happened in your timeline … with the hope that some things could be changed. And some things already have. So, not everything on there is a done deal." He watched as the wheels in her head continued to turn. "That's part of the reason I'm telling you now. I don't feel comfortable trying to tackle all of this by myself." He reached for her hand. "But mostly, I didn't feel right about keeping it from you any longer than I already have."
Pulling her hand away, she stood and walked to the window.
Still at the table, Spike said, "I think you should listen to the rest of it. It should answer most of the questions running through your head." When she turned to face him, he added, "And if you have any questions for me afterward, I'll be happy to answer every last one."
As she nodded, he pressed play. Turning her back to him again, she looked out the window as the sound of her voice filled the room.
She listened to Spike declare that he would do anything he could to fix whatever had gone wrong. Then, she listened to herself begin explaining what would happen that night in the battle against Glory.
Her body went rigid when she heard herself say that she would leap to her death later that night. More than that, there did not seem to be any way to do that part differently. Then came the explanation of her return – and the admonition to keep that a secret.
She heard herself go on to explain the wonderful things he had done for Dawn during the time she was gone and the way he had made her feel safe when she returned, allowing her to talk and being a supportive friend. Buffy was relieved to find out that he had done those things originally - and not just as an attempt to win her over.
When her future self gave the instruction to make a timeline, Buffy heard a piece of paper being unfolded. She turned around to see Spike sliding it over in front of her place at the table.
She stood in the same spot for a few moments more as her voice told Spike that since she could not speak to herself, she would have to give the information to him … in the hopes that he could correct their missteps. Slowly, she walked back over to her chair, sat down, and began to look at the timeline.
The narrative moved on to the musical spell and their first non-spell-induced kisses. She blushed when she heard herself say, "Don't get me wrong – the sex was great!" Then, she laughed at his response.
It was disturbing for her to hear a retelling of a darker version of their relationship, how she had pushed him away, and how he took the breakup. She was lost in those thoughts and distracted by trying to make sense of the chart in front of her. But the mention of him getting his soul back got her attention.
There was barely time to take that in before the topic switched to his chip. She listened to herself instruct him to go to Tara about it and the details of what the results would be.
Buffy reached for the cassette player and pressed the stop button. She was amazed by his actions these past months. "So ... you knew … the whole time. That's why you suggested I talk to her. Why you didn't argue with me about handcuffing you. Why you gave me the space I needed … when I asked you to stay away. You knew what Tara would find."
"All true. I just didn't know what you would do with the information. I didn't know if you'd trust me … trust that I wouldn't do anything to hurt you."
For a long moment, they held each other's gaze. Then, he pressed play again.
The narrative continued on through him coming back with his soul and the opening of the new high school. When she revealed the identity of the new principle, Buffy stopped the tape again.
"You have got to be kidding me. Of all the gin joints. Well, that's gonna be awkward."
"Oh, luv. You have no idea."
He started the tape again. She listened as the info came at her in waves. Several questions came to mind about The First, the trigger, and how his mother was connected to any of this. But she did not get to ask those, because of what she heard next.
"Potential what?"
Before he could answer, her voice gave her more explanation. But her own rambling moved from one shocking piece of info to another. They vote her out. An evil preacher. A scythe made for the Slayer. Willow using her powers for good to empower an army of Slayers.
And that was just Side A.
Buffy got up to get herself a glass of water, taking a minute to absorb before flipping the tape.
Spike reached into his bag and produced a flask. "If you'd like something a little stronger."
"Are you suggesting that I'm gonna need it for Side B?"
Taking her now empty water glass, he poured three fingers of whiskey. That was the only reply she got.
He watched her drink about half of what he had poured, then he ejected the cassette, turned it over, and pressed play.
The next part was about Angel coming to Sunnydale before the big showdown with The First. That led to a description of how Spike ended it – with a side note about Buffy declaring her love for him at the last second. As if that wasn't shocking enough, then came the revelation that he reappeared in Angel's office, the fact that he didn't try to contact her, and the battle in L.A. two and a half years from now.
It was clear that Buffy had become upset while telling this part. Spike had attempted to comfort her. By the sounds of it, comfort quickly turned into snogging. Then, after a few flirtatious comments, the tape made the clicking sound of the recording having been stopped. When her voice came back on, she had moved on to financial matters.
Buffy reached for the recorder and hit stop. Looking up at Spike, she asked, "What happened in between there?"
He did not immediately answer her.
"We were kissing … and then, 'click' followed by a brief pause before I changed topic completely. What happened after the click? Did we … I mean, I think I can guess, but I'd like to hear you say it."
She was not exactly angry – he could tell that. But he wasn't sure what her reaction was going to be.
Cautiously, he said, "Yes, what you're thinking … we did. We went up to your room for about half an hour. And we made love."
Her head nodded repeatedly as she said, "So when we slept together while Dawn was in the hospital … it was not the first time you were with me.
"And when I was with future-you, it was not the first time you had been with me."
"This is confusing … and complicated."
"Imagine how confusing it's been for me."
"How much more is there?"
"Only a few minutes, but you cram a lot in at the last minute," he said, pushing the play button.
As she listened, her eyes scanned the timeline he had made.
When the tape clicked and went silent, Spike explained, "You labeled the tape and then put it and the recorder back in the desk drawer, so I could pick it up later. Then, we sat on the stairs while the clock ran out. You said some amazing things at the end there, things I wish were on the tape. It was quite a pep talk. Then, in an instant, I saw the change on your face and knew that future-you was gone. After that, you know the rest … we went to fight Glory. And all that followed."
Swallowing the last sip of whiskey, she played with the glass while turning some things over in her head. "That night … before we left … you asked me to give you a kiss for luck."
"I did."
"I need to tell you why I kept avoiding talking about that kiss." She took such a long pause, he did not expect her to finish her thought. "That night … after … well, I thought I had blacked out, but now I know different. Anyway, after that, I felt different – my body was tingling, humming – but I didn't understand why. And being close to you felt … intimate – which made no sense to me at the time. When you asked for the kiss, I didn't intend to … but I … well, I can't explain what made me do it. But it felt … right. And wow, did that confuse me." She smoothed the paper in front of her, just to have something to do with her hands. "When I came back to life, there were so many other things I needed to deal with … I couldn't begin to process what had happened between us that night. Without listening to that tape, I might not be ready to talk about it yet. But," pointing to the cassette player, she continued, "that sure does clear up a few things. I guess even though I didn't consciously remember what had happened during those two hours, my body did … and it was continuing to react to you."
She went back to looking at the timeline. "I don't really have any questions for you. I will say I'm impressed with how much you've gotten done already. Seems like you made a good start on fixing our relationship and dealing with the first part of the chip issue. You took care of the financial stuff by getting Giles to talk to the Council. And Willow's getting help." Just then, something on the timeline caught her eye. "Wait, I do have a question. The night the singing spell started, I came to your crypt. I thought I heard a voice … in fact, it sounded like …"
"Your voice. Yes, I had started to play this tape – well, a copy of it – and instead of hearing what I expected to hear, your voice began to sing to me through the speakers."
"Wow, that must have freaked you out."
"It did, but I had to get over it right quick, because you turned up at my door."
Tracing her finger over Spike's writing on the paper. "There are still so many things to deal with … just in the next six months. And the next year and a half is going to be intense!"
"At least, I don't have to deal with this by myself anymore."
"We'll have to figure out if and when we tell any of the others."
"I'll leave that to you to decide."
"Looks like the next thing coming up is Xander's wedding. I can probably go to him claiming to have had a prophetic Slayer dream and warn him about the disgruntled guy from Anya's vengeance days. But you leaving to get your soul? And by that I mean, the question of if, how, and when you should … for that, I think we need to talk to Giles. Which means telling him all of this."
"Whatever you think best. I saw the torment Angel went through after getting his soul back. Hearing your description of me in the basement … a raving lunatic. I'm not eager to go through that if I don't have to. But clearly, I thought it was necessary the first go round. And you said on the tape that it was helpful during the battle with The First."
"And we need to figure out what Warren is up to. If he's gonna show up with a gun in less than six months, that means he and his friends are already at work. That's gotta be priority #1. I guess the great van mystery will have to wait."
"Actually, I've been mulling that over. And although I have no proof, I've begun to suspect that the van is connected to Warren. I saw a human driving it. It wasn't him, but it could have been one of the other two. What if all the unsolved stuff that's happened was them?"
Buffy shook her head and laughed. "Sometimes I forget that you're not just another pretty face."
"Uh … thanks?"
"No, seriously. I think you may be right. We'll need to do a little investigating and then talk to Giles. We may be able to do that without telling him about all of this right now." She got lost in thought for a moment before saying, "but I might want to talk to Angel sooner rather than later."
"Why exactly?"
"If he's gonna show up with help in a year and a half, how much more helpful might he be if he knew what to be looking out for?"
Spike groaned. "If you do, I don't want you going by yourself."
"I wasn't planning to. One thing seems clear to me … by this summer, the core group needs to be tightly knit. There's too much about to come down on our heads. I don't have time for principals with vendettas, witches going ballistic because the love of their life was murdered, or a rogue Slayer returning to oversee a mutiny. We've got a battle to prepare for and potential Slayers to train – kind of like working with Ruthie when she was here. Somewhere in there, it looks like I'll be getting back in touch with the Initiative to remove your chip."
She laughed as she thought of how bizarre this all seemed.
"What's so funny?"
"I've been considering getting a calendar … like my mom used to carry around to keep track of Dawn's school activities and mine, due dates for bills, scheduling doctor appointments and household repairs and maintenance. You know, things that responsible adults do." She laughed again. "I guess now, I can schedule my mani-pedis around apocalyptic events." Tapping her index finger on the timeline, she said, "I'll have to add these things to my day-planner so I can plan around them."
After folding up the handwritten schedule of future events, she handed it and the cassette player to him.
As he put them away in his bag, he asked, "So now what?"
"Now … I'd like to not think about all of that for a while."
He nodded, but he was unsure what she meant by that. Before he dumped all of this on her, she had been in his lap and they were minutes away from them undressing each other. He did not want to assume that they would pick up where they had left off, but he would not mind at all if that was what she had in mind.
And indeed, it was.
The first time they had sex, he did not bother to remove Buffy's dress. After that, they took their time removing the layers of each other's costumes and carefully hung them up before attacking one another with renewed passion.
Buffy now had a clearer understanding of Spike's feeling for her and what their future could look like. She knew herself well enough to know that she would not have gone through all that trouble if her future self was not convinced that they were meant to be together.
She thought about the things she had heard herself say on the recording about falling in love with him, being in love him. She wasn't ready to use that word. Not yet.
Words could not express how glad she was that he hadn't asked about it while they were discussing the tape.
All she knew for sure right now was that what they had was real. She had known that for a while. She had begun to realize it after he had taken that beating from Glory to protect Dawn.
She knew that he was sure he was in love with her. That was fine. But she didn't have a word for it yet – other than real.
They were up most of the night. They tried to be quieter than they normally would be, because they did not want to bother anyone else staying at the B&B. Eventually, they both fell into a contented sleep.
[
[
[
After their time away, Buffy was practically sleepwalking through the remaining pre-Christmas festivities. She was occupied – more precisely, preoccupied – with trying wrap her head around everything that Spike had told her. And everything she had told herself via cassette tape.
The Scoobies gathered at Giles' apartment on Christmas Eve for mulled cider, dessert, and exchanging of gifts. They were able to get Willow on the phone and wish her a Happy Hanukkah. At the end of a lovely, low-key evening, everyone said goodnight and went off to their respective homes.
Dawn had told Buffy that she wanted Spike to be at the house when they opened gifts on Christmas morning and had suggested that it would be easier if he just stayed over the night before. So, when Buffy, Dawn, and Tara headed toward Revello Drive, Spike went with them.
When they arrived at the house, Spike made a beeline for the linen closet in search of a blanket and pillow, assuming that he would be sleeping on the couch. However, before he could open the closet door, Buffy took his hand and led him to her bedroom.
He was over-the-moon happy to be in her bed again, but he knew that with Dawn next door, Buffy would not let things go very far. Their pre-sleep canoodling was PG-13, as expected. Still, he fell asleep with a smile on his face.
[
[
The next morning, Tara made breakfast while Buffy set the table. Spike had been put on laundry duty. Predictably, Dawn slept in.
After they finished eating, they moved into the living room to open gifts. Tara had given and received her gifts last night and expected she would just be observing everyone else opening their presents. However, each of the others had a little something for her – from Dawn, a gift card for the coffee shop near campus, from Spike, candles, and from Buffy, a keychain with a copy of her car key.
"Now, you don't have to hunt for mine if you need to borrow my car," Buffy said matter-of-factly.
Then, Buffy pulled a large rectangular box from under the tree. She handed it to Tara to pass down to Dawn who was sitting next to her on the couch. As Dawn took the box, a look of disappointment came across her face.
"What's wrong?" Buffy asked.
"The box … the shape … and it's light. That means clothes. That's boring … and we don't exactly have the same taste," Dawn whined.
"Just open it."
"Fine." Dawn continued to grumble as she removed the wrapping paper and took the lid off the box. When she saw what was inside, she fell silent and tears formed in her eyes. Looking up at Buffy, she began, "Just like …" but she could not finish the sentence.
"Just like Mom used to get us each year," Buffy said as Dawn held up a new pair of pajamas. "I already washed them so you can wear them right away. And there's …"
"A new pair of slippers!" She held them up to show Tara and Spike. "Thank you, Buffy. Now, it feels like Christmas."
"Good. I'm glad." Buffy wanted so badly to make this Christmas a happy one for Dawn – filled with new memories and old ones, but not overshadowed with sadness.
Dawn gave Buffy some body wash and bath oils, encouraging her to soak her muscles after long nights wrestling with vampires. Just after she finished that statement, she caught the looks that the others were exchanging and realized that her words could be taken to mean something other than what she had originally intended. She blushed at the thought. Then, she handed a package to Spike.
He seemed surprised as he said, "Thanks, Niblet. But you didn't have to." Tearing the wrapping paper, he found three black tshirts. He smiled as he held them up.
"I said to myself, what do you get for the 150-year-old vampire who lives in a crypt and seems to have no need of worldly things?"
"Practical. Love the color."
"I thought about orange," Dawn joked, "but decided with your hair color and skin tone, it would wash you out." Shrugging, she added, "Besides, basic black works for you."
He gave her a hug and presented her gift, which was a pair of earrings similar to ones Tara had worn and Dawn had gushed over. Predictably, the teen squealed when she saw them and bounded over to Spike to thank him and give him a hug.
As Dawn had been opening her gift, Buffy managed to sneak behind the tree to get a box she had hidden there almost two weeks ago. When Dawn was finished thanking Spike, Buffy put the box in front of him.
"I also asked myself what you get for a vampire like yourself. It seems small compared to the amazing surprise getaway you planned for me, but I hope you like them."
He picked up the box and shook it. His confused expression told her that he had no idea what it could be. Ripping the paper off, he looked at the box – more precisely, he stared in shock at the logo on the box. Lifting the lid, he checked to see if the contents matched the box.
Giddy as a schoolgirl, he looked up at her. "A new pair of Doc Martens?"
"I know you're attached to the boots you have. Have them all broken in the way you like them. But I figured it was time," she joked.
Spike put down the box and pounced toward her, kissing her soundly. "Thank you," was all he could manage to say.
"Well, I guess it's time to clean up this mess and start on dishes," Buffy said.
"Not quite. Dawn, can you get that package I had you hold onto for me?" Spike asked.
Dawn walked over to the cabinet and pulled out a box. "I brought it down from my room this morning."
He indicated that she should hand it to Buffy, who seemed confused.
"What is this? You already gave me my gift."
"Just open it," Spike insisted.
Inside, she found two cell phones.
"One for you and one for me, luv. Now, you don't have to traipse all the way to my crypt when you need something. Also, everyone else can get in touch with you – after all, a Slayer doesn't spend much time at home."
"Don't I know it," Dawn groaned.
Buffy glared at Dawn before turning to Spike. In her best imitation of a mom voice, she said, "Incredibly thoughtful. And useful. But you know I have to ask … where did you get the money?"
"A while back … we were patrolling … separately … and I cleared out a vamp nest. Apparently, they had been collecting things from the houses of their victims. Among their things, I found old comic books, baseball cards, and such. I took them to a guy who sells antiques and collectibles. He paid me about half of what he planned to sell them for."
"And you used that money to buy these? Well, that's legal-ish … I guess."
"I like to think of it as resourceful."
"Still," Buffy continued, "They were ultimately stolen goods. I'm not entirely comfortable with that."
This discussion made Dawn uncomfortable. Thoughts rolled around in her head as they cleaned up the living room and kitchen. By the time they got together with the rest of the Scoobies later in the day, she was ready to confess.
[
In the evening, they gathered at the Magic Box to prepare for the after-Christmas sale that would begin the next morning. Dawn asked everyone to sit around the table, saying that she had something to tell them. She came clean about her habit of shoplifting. She even confessed to having stolen Buffy's Christmas gift, which Buffy told her she would have to return.
Then, Dawn handed a box to Anya and Giles. "I'm returning these things to you. I'm sorry." Handing them an envelope, she said, "I know I can't completely make up for what I've done, but I hope this is a start at earning back your trust."
Giles looked over Anya's shoulder as she pulled a paper out of the envelope. It was a handmade gift certificate for 40 hours of work at the store – obviously, for no pay.
Dawn began, "If you don't think that's enough time to make up for—"
Before she could finish, Giles interrupted her, "Dawn, I'm sure this will be sufficient."
However, Anya was not so sure. Her body language, facial expression, and exasperated exhalation said quite a bit before she began speaking. "Well, young lady, you have taken advantage of us and our trust in you. You'll have to answer for that. There's a lesson to be learned—"
"And I'm sure that she has … or she would not have voluntarily come forward to admit her wrongdoing … and return these items … and offer her service as penance." Giles spoke sternly and authoritatively to Anya as he glanced at Dawn in a way that communicated he was both disappointed and proud of her at the same time.
As the evening wore on, Dawn made herself quite useful in preparing for the sale and Anya's wrath seemed to subside.
[
[
The following week, Buffy started to come to terms with all that Spike had revealed to her. She spent more than a few hours pondering the information while folding laundry or washing dishes. But it was really the time spent at his crypt – listening and re-listening to the cassette – that helped the news from the future settle in.
She was not entirely sure what to do with the information. At some point, they would need to tell the others. Giles would logically be the first one she would talk to, but she was still unsure of when that would be.
When she had moved into what had been her mom's bedroom, she had weeded out clothing and shoes that she no longer wore. She realized now that she should hold onto things like that rather than donate them. If her house was going to be flooded with teenage girls by this time next year, some of those things could prove to be useful.
Her previous thought of cleaning out the rest of the house now became a definite plan. She needed to get rid of unnecessary items to make space for more people and find a more efficient way to store the things she kept. The basement would need an overhaul and more shelves for storage – maybe some racks to store clothes now and when the potentials started arriving.
Buffy found herself thinking how quickly the spring would go. Considering everything revealed on the tape, summer would be here in no time. Would Spike take the trip to get his soul? Or would he stay here to help prepare. She knew that they would need talk that through. And they should involve Giles in that discussion, since he might have a better understanding of how that could impact the battle with The First.
At least once a day, she found herself looking around her house or the store or the town and thinking to herself: None of this will be here in a year and a half. Or maybe, if we do things differently, we can fight the battle and make it through the apocalypse without wiping out Sunnydale.
She wished she could have been the one to talk to her future self that night on the stairs. She would have asked more questions, different questions. She had a feeling that she would have even more questions as time passed and they approached the events on the cassette.
A/N:
The Great Dickens Christmas Fair does actually exist [ dickensfair..com ]. Although I have not been to it, there is a similar event on the East Coast. I had put off writing this chapter with the hope that I would have time to visit it again this December. Sadly, I was not able to get there. Maybe next Christmas.
The poem and folksong mentioned here and back in Chapter 9: "You'll Love Me Yet" and "All Through the Night."
Hope you all had a Happy Christmas and that your New Year is off to a wonderful start!
Thanks for reading. Until next time …
~Jen
27 January 2018