The next day, Ruby glanced out the window and noticed Archie amidst the pile of rubble that had been the barn. With a quick check that Peter was still asleep, she poured a mug of coffee and, with her shawl wrapped around her, brought it out to him, careful to step over the piles of charred wood and nails.
"Thank you," he murmured, a smile brightening his features as he reached out to take the cup from her. Ruby felt her heart lighten for a moment.
They stood together in the mid-day sun in silence as they looked around. A lump formed in Ruby's throat as she caught a glimpse of metal hinges in a pile where her trunk had been.
She looked away quickly, tears welling up as she saw nothing but charred wood for yards around them.
"It won't take too long to clear this all away," Archie finally said, and Ruby fixed her gaze on him. He was looking around, squinting in the sun that the wide brim of his hat didn't quite shield from his eyes .
"Oh?" Ruby asked quietly, hugging her shawl around herself despite the warm spring sun.
"Nah. I'll have this cleared soon enough, and there's already been lots of offers from neighbours to help me with the logging. In a couple of weeks or so, we'll have enough timber for a barn raising, and before you know it, Cleo will have a roof over her head. If I can get a good feed supply, Flora will be back, too, and then we'll have daily milk again."
Ruby raised her hand to shield her eyes as she studied the man beside her. He calmly raised the cup to his lips and sipped with his gaze focused on the horizon, as if completely unaware of his surroundings. With his broad shoulders set, his features relaxed, he looked so sure of it all, as if he'd planned for this moment all along—as if it wasn't a cruel trick of fate that such a good, hard-working man could lose so much in the blink of an eye. As if he hadn't lost enough already.
It was enough to make Ruby want to scream.
"How can you be so calm about this?" she burst out, catching Archie's attention so his gaze landed on her.
She took a deep breath, suddenly unable to keep her emotions at bay as the events of the last year bubbled to the surface, erupting all at once.
"How can you talk about a loving God who lets such bad things happen to decent, honest, hard-working folk? A God who would leave you with such terrible parents and take August's parents away from him? How is that loving?!"
Ruby gasped, unable to say more as tears streamed down her cheeks.
Archie quickly placed his mug on the ground and closed the distance between them. "Oh, Ruby," he said softly, taking her hand in his. Ruby jumped, startled at the contact as she glanced down to their joined hands before meeting his gaze. She thought she would find pity there, as if she was too young to understand. Instead, she saw only genuine care.
For a moment, her breath stilled in her chest.
"Come with me," he said firmly, tugging at her hand as he led her out of the charred remains of the barn. They headed east, towards the hill where Ruby had seen Archie go by himself for his quiet times on Sundays, and sometimes other days. It was the same place she'd seen him when she'd followed him that day when she'd been lost in the blizzard.
Confused, she let him lead her to the large log that was on its side like a bench. He sat down, and she slowly sat down beside him, their hands still joined.
Ruby kept her gaze fixed on Archie as she saw him consider his words, his lips parted slightly before he finally spoke. "I know it's hard," he said slowly, his voice deep. "I know the pain can be so overwhelming that there are days when you feel like you can't go on. But that—that doesn't mean that God wanted it to happen, or that he's not there."
Ruby felt like she was frozen as Archie shifted beside her and squeezed her hand. He glanced down before meeting her gaze. "If—if I'm walking with August," he started to explain. "If we're walking together, and August falls down, he knows that I didn't cause him to fall. But he also knows that I'm right there beside him, ready to pick him up and help him through the pain. He knows that his Pa loves him, and will carry him and help heal him. I'll cry when he cries, and celebrate when all is well."
Archie paused before he continued. "In all the moments of my life, through the good and the bad, God has always been with me. His—His unconditional love doesn't mean that bad things won't happen, or that He allows them to happen. It does mean that He will never leave me. He's our loving Father, always ready to carry us through the pain and heal the hurt, if we let Him. And just maybe, in the midst of that hurt, He will show us blessings beyond what we ever thought possible."
Ruby let out a slow breath as his words struck something deep inside her. His eyes searched hers, and she had to look away as she felt tears well up once more. Such talk would have seemed so strange a few months ago, but Ruby knew that this man was living proof of this loving God to which he prayed—the God in which he placed all of his faith.
"I'm—I'm going to go back to the house, check on the children," Archie said slowly, and Ruby looked over at him. "Would you like to stay here for a bit?"
Ruby simply nodded, not trusting herself to speak. He offered her a small smile of understanding and squeezed her hand before he stood up and made his way back to the cabin. Ruby returned her gaze before her to the awe-inspiring landscape of the wilderness—the trees that lined the valley, now budding with the promise of new life. The mountains in the distance, snow-capped and sparkling in the sunlight. The same wilderness that had taken her breath away when she'd arrived with Peter, filled with such different hopes and dreams.
A light breeze danced across her cheeks, the view in front of her so serene that Ruby felt the war within her all the more, a torrent of emotions swirling in stark contrast to the peaceful image before her.
Ruby sank to her knees as tears ran down her cheeks. "I miss him so much," she gasped, images of her and Peter's arrival flashing before her. For the first time since she could remember, she let herself cry freely. She cried for the loss of her husband, for his absence at the birth of their son. She cried for the fact that baby Peter would never know his father, and that Peter had never known his son.
She cried for August having lost his parents so young, and for Archie, and the hardship of growing up with such parents and grieving the loss of good friends. She cried for the loss of the barn and the food for the animals, which would take months to replenish.
She cried to purge herself of the fear she'd felt in how close she'd come to losing Archie, too.
And then, she blinked back the last of her tears, finally seeing the majestic tree line below her as she gulped at the clear air that refreshed the deepest parts of her. She thought of the blessing that Archie had been to her, coming into her life at her darkest hour and offering her refuge. She remembered the joy that lit up August's face when he began to read his first book by himself, or when he'd presented his pa with his Christmas gift. She thought of the utter thrill of holding her newborn son in her arms, of being overwhelmed by love. She remembered the peace that radiated from Archie in the last few days, secure in the knowledge that everything would be alright.
"I want that," Ruby breathed, looking out at nothing in particular. "It—it hurts so badly, but I'm ready for that peace."
She held her breath, as if waiting for some heavenly reply. None came—at least, none in any audible form, but Ruby couldn't deny that a warmth washed over her. For the first time in ages, she felt free from a burden she'd carried for so long, a burden she hadn't even known she'd been carrying.
She stayed kneeling for a few more moments, taking in deep breaths as if to complete the renewal she'd undergone. She couldn't explain it, but she somehow felt as if she could claim the promises that Archie had spoken of—that his God was becoming her own.
Finally, she stood and made her way back to the little cabin, wholly unconcerned about the challenges that lay ahead for her and her family. Everything would be okay.
If Archie noticed a change in her, he didn't say anything. The routine of frontier life cared little for grand epiphanies, and yet, Ruby felt a happiness, a lightness that she hadn't felt in a long time, if ever. More than an exuberant kind of joy, it was a calm contentedness that seemed to surround her as she went about her busy days, working alongside Archie in the preparations for the doctor's office and the barn-raising. Once or twice he mentioned the wagon train ticket, but Ruby used the busy-ness as an excuse to brush away such a discussion, barely aware that she'd already postponed the trip twice. She appreciated that he was true to his word, but in truth, she couldn't bring herself to think about the topic. There was too much to be done, and surely they could talk about it later.
As the days grew warmer, the Hopper homestead saw a stream of men visit to help with the logging, cutting down the trees and preparing the timber that would ultimately become the new barn. Some faces Ruby recognized as she poured refreshments after an afternoon's hard work, but many she didn't. And yet, every man who came through seemed more than happy to help out Mr. Hopper in his hour of need. It touched Ruby, and she was all the more grateful for the help that was extended to them. She just wished she could repay their kindness with more than a couple of mugs of coffee and a hot meal.
Ruby was amazed at how quickly the pile of timber grew beside the site that was to be the new barn—a site that would, thankfully, not be bare for much longer. Before she knew it, the day of the barn-raising had arrived, and she felt giddy with anticipation of hosting their friends in a healthy mix of work and play: the men would bring their labour while the women provided the sustenance.
Mary Margaret and David were the first to arrive. Mary Margaret helped Ruby set up all the tables they could find outside, ready for the food and drinks that would soon fill them. Belle and Mr. Gold were not far behind, and though Remus could not help much with his bad leg, he was generous in donating supplies and offering Neal's help when appropriate. Ruby noticed young Sean arrive with a man whom Ruby assumed was his father, and she wondered if he hoped that Ashley would be among the women present. For his sake, Ruby hoped so. Leroy was one of the few bachelors who came from town—Ruby had met him earlier when he had helped Archie with some logging. He was a strange, stout man, but Ruby saw through his gruff pretense and she was glad to see him again.
She began to lose track of everybody as the crowd grew larger and larger. "I could swear the whole town's here!" she laughed with Mary Margaret as she brought a pitcher of cider out from the house. Mary Margaret beamed back.
"Not quite," Mary Margaret replied, and the two friends giggled, both knowing that the absence of a certain Mills woman was no great loss—nor was it unexpected.
As if on its best behaviour, the late May sun shone bright, unhidden by any clouds that knew better than to appear on such a day. A light breeze picked up right on cue as the men began to organize under Archie's and David's instructions.
The barn-raising had begun.
Ruby and Mary Margaret let the children play while they organized the food, but soon Ruby enlisted the help of August and Neal and Emma in taking water to the men. She wasn't sure that more water didn't end up on the children themselves rather than in the pail, but the giggles that rang out from the trio made Ruby's heart light.
She saw little Grace join them, also, in their task of taking the bucket and ladle around. Ruby looked around, startled to see Jefferson in the midst of the men, holding up beams and pounding in nails to the wood. Ruby realized she had only seen him perfectly made up in town, with every button fastened and his cravat precisely in place. It was strange to see him with his collar open and his sleeves rolled up, dirt smeared across his forehead and on his waistcoat as he worked side-by-side with the farmers. Ruby swallowed the lump in her throat as she realized that Archie would have refused any monetary gift for himself from Jefferson, and so the man had offered to jump into the labour with everyone else instead.
She wasn't sure if it spoke more to Archie's character, or Jefferson's. Probably both.
She found herself scanning the activity in search of Archie to find him in the middle of a line of men as they lifted one of the walls before shifting it up and pushing it in place. She saw the bulge of Archie's arms as he strained to bear the weight of the structure with everyone else, his sleeves rolled up and sweat on his brow. There was something delightful about sneaking glances when he was so focused, so unaware, and she found herself constantly looking for him in the group throughout the day. Whenever she saw him, her heart raced in her chest while her muscles relaxed—and yet, however foolish it was, she couldn't help herself.
She felt her pulse quicken slightly when it was time to serve the men their food and Archie was in front of her. His face and arms were already tan from the spring sun, his brow glistening with sweat with a crease across his forehead where his hat had been, and the fabric of his shirt was damp as proof of his hard work.
She felt her gaze linger over his arms as she handed him a plate and she was highly aware of how his fingers brushed against hers. She realized she wished to prolong the contact, but he gave her a polite smile and took a step back. "Thank you," he said with a nod before he turned to Mary Margaret with the sandwiches.
Ruby could only smile shyly in return, and she realized she was disappointed to lose his attention so quickly.
He retreated to the group of men to eat, all of them leaning against a fence in the sun with their sandwiches in hand. Ruby joined the women-folk on the blankets underneath the cluster of trees near the house and she willed herself to keep her attention on her friends.
The rest of the day saw Ruby and Archie in separate circles, though every now and then their paths would cross and Ruby would hold her breath, anticipating a hand to her back or arm that never came. While he was no less kind, Ruby felt a distance between them that she couldn't explain—and yet, surely nothing had changed?
She couldn't help but recall his comments about the tickets for the wagon train, and she fought to control the fluttering in her stomach, like the dead weight of a pendulum counting down the days.
As a distraction, Ruby threw herself into the role of hostess—especially since the women were eager to take turns in watching over Peter. It was much easier to ensure that everyone had enough to eat and drink—and making sure the children weren't getting up to mischief—than it was trying to figure out the nonsense her emotions were drudging up at the most inopportune time. It was just the commotion of the day, surely.
"I know it's not under the best of circumstances, but it is fun to get together like this," Belle said as she helped Mary Margaret and Ruby cut up the pies for the mid-day treat.
"I still can't believe how many people came!" Ruby exclaimed, ignoring the fact that she was repeating herself as she lifted wedges of pie onto plates that Mary Margaret held out for her.
"Oh, you should see it at the town festival in a few weeks," Mary Margaret added. "All of Storybrooke gets together at the beginning of summer, and there's strawberries, and music and dancing, and sometimes even ice cream."
"We shut down main street," Belle added, "and even the children stay up 'til dusk."
Ruby's stomach sank, and she noticed her friends' faces fall.
"Oh," Mary Margaret said.
"I—I will probably be gone by then," Ruby said softly, though an explanation was unnecessary. Saying the words aloud made the prospect all the more real, and she was surprised at the pain in her stomach at the thought, the pendulum in her middle increasing its speed as it beat against her ribs.
Ruby busied herself with arranging the plates of pie on the table, fighting to ignore the looks she could feel passing between the two other women.
"I… y-you've decided, then?" Mary Margaret asked quietly with a hand to Ruby's arm.
Ruby swallowed, suddenly confused. "That was always the plan," she said firmly, though she'd never felt less sure about anything. She looked up, her eyes immediately finding Archie's figure in the skeletal frame of the barn, his auburn curls peeking out from under his hat. She felt her chest tighten as her pulse began to race.
She took a sharp breath and pasted on a smile as she returned her attention to her friends. "Enough of that. Let's not ruin a perfectly good day with such talk, yeah?"
Mary Margaret and Belle were kind enough not to press further, and Ruby was able to able to forget everything except the lovely day in which they found themselves—for a little while. Still, try as she might, she couldn't shake the feeling that she was some sort of Cinderella with a celestial clock ticking down the minutes to midnight.
By the time the sun began to dip below the horizon, Ruby was ready to have their little homestead to themselves again—especially since she could see the droop in Archie's shoulders as they waved goodbye to the last wagon. The day had been a success, with most of the barn in place, save for some little touches that Archie could do himself—perhaps with a bit of help from David. It was a relief to see the empty space filled with a sturdy building, and the animals were happy to have a home once more.
After the full day, August was blessedly obedient in getting ready for bed, and soon the nine-year-old was fast asleep on his bed beside his father's cot. Archie wasn't much better, and Ruby insisted that he follow his son's lead rather than stay up with her and the baby. "Only if you're sure," Archie said with a sheepish smile, barely able to pretend like he wanted to do anything else. In the short time it took for Ruby to get Peter settled in his cradle by the fire, Archie had disappeared behind the curtain to his "room".
Ruby took quiet steps towards the curtain and pulled it back, her curiosity piqued by the lack of noise. Warmth bloomed in her chest at the sight of father and son both passed out on their beds—August on his stomach under his covers, Archie on his back on top of his blankets, fully dressed after collapsing on his cot.
"Oh, Archie," Ruby chuckled, tiptoeing into the small space with barely enough room to squeeze around the beds. She carefully leaned over the sleeping man and reached for his glasses, slowly removing them from his face and placing them on the ledge of the window above him.
She reached for an extra blanket and draped it over him, her eyes fixed on his features, now lost in dreamland. The rise and fall of his chest was deep and steady—proof of how hard he had worked, and how tired he was. The light was dim, with just a trace of moonlight coming in through the window and a flicker of light from the hearth, but Ruby could see his expression, so peaceful in sleep. The sight of him tugged at her chest, and she couldn't resist the urge to brush her hand across his forehead and gently trace down his jaw, a bit prickly with stubble. Her breath hitched in her throat at the intimacy in such a touch, as well as seeing his face bare without his glasses.
Ruby half expected him to stir, and after a pause, she was delighted that he was completely unaware of her presence. She felt like she was in another realm, suspended between reality and a world that she longed for with all her heart.
A reality where Archie and I are really married.
Ruby froze as her pulse began to race, her mind scrambling to understand what her heart already knew. Slowly, she pulled her hand back and stood up, shuffling out of the little space until she was safely in the main room, her presence hidden behind the cracks and snaps of the fire.
Ruby began to pace in front of the hearth while baby Peter cooed in his cradle by her side. Her hands flutter over one another as she played with the rings on her fingers, completely unaware of the motions of her body as her mind played everything over and over again.
I love Archie Hopper.
It was like the final piece of the puzzle had slipped into place—a puzzle that she had, up until this very moment, not realized she was even trying to figure out.
The full realization of what she wanted—what she felt—washed over her with such force that she bounced in place, suddenly filled with more energy than she knew what do with. She had to cover her mouth with her hands to suppress a squeal, barely able to keep quiet when everything around her had changed so completely.
She didn't want to go. She didn't want to leave everything that she had built with Archie and August—their home. This was her home. She wanted to stay with August—to see him grow up into an energetic, quick-witted and thoughtful young man. She wanted Peter to grow up with the only pa he'd ever known.
She wanted to feel Archie's arm around her as he introduced her as his wife for the rest of their lives, to know what it would be like to grow old together and raise a family in this frontier town that had already become hers.
"Oh, Peter," Ruby breathed, sinking to her knees beside the cradle and taking his little fist in her hand, her grin wide and her heart light. "What do you think of staying here instead?"
The infant beamed back at his mother and kicked in delight, which was more than enough for Ruby.