Homestuck: Not Really A Prince

by TheCurtisclan

His name was Eridan Ampora. He'd just killed his former Matesprit, and destroyed all hope for the restoration of the troll race. And now he stood on the roof of their hidden base, facing off against a Thief of Light and a Bard of Rage. But this time, things are going to go a lot differently. AU where Eridan survives Act 5, and continues with the group to Act 6.

7. The Prince of Doom

Prince of Heart- Badda bing badda new chapter!

The gang looked towards Eridan, each of the trolls recoiling away in disgust and awaiting his next action while the humans had a look of confusion on their faces. He looked down at the object at his feet, which still luckily had its contents laid safely inside. Relieving for Eridan was the fact that the bucket had nothing lewd inside it, just what seemed like a rolled up piece of paper, though Eridan remained confused as to why someone would use such an utterly disgusting object as a mailbox. He looked across the way at Karkat, who was reacting very dramatically to being hit by the bucket by wriggling around on the ground screaming at the top of his lungs. You know, the usual Karkat act.

Eridan glanced down at the bucket again, taking a nervous step towards it. He reached out his foot, and kicked the thing away, gagging at his own actions. The bucket rolled along the ground and hit Karkat on his side, prompting him to jump back and screech again.

He looked up at Eridan, and barked, "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?" He jumped to his feet. "DO YOU WANT TO GIVE ME A HEART ATTACK AND ADD TO YOUR BODY COUNT?"

Eridan placed his hands around his mouth and called to him, "theres somethin in the bucket!"

"OH THANK YOU ERIDAN, I REALLY APPRECIATE YOU TELLING ME THAT *AFTER* YOU HIT ME WITH THE BUCKET!"

"youre wwelcome!" Eridan waved him off.

Karkat sighed and tentatively picked up the bucket, holding it out in front of him and walking over to the rest of the group. He stood beside Terezi, and pulled out the paper within, which turned out to be a poster of a movie called Armageddon. On the front were a couple of adult humans with extremely shitty jpeg art scribbled across them, while on the back was a paragraph of text written in John's blue text. Eridan watched Karkat's eyes gloss over the text, and saw his face go from his usual disgruntled frown to visible horror, and once he was done reading he looked up at the group. His gaze fell on Rose first, then slowly looked over at the stairs where Kanaya had gone. He pulled his eyes away and looked at Terezi beside him, and then towards Dave, before finally setting his eyes on the ground below him.

Dave looked over at Terezi, who gave him a shrug in response. Eridan stepped up to Karkat, about to tap him on the shoulder, but suddenly Karkat yelled out and jumped backward pointing at Terezi, Dave, and Rose while making various unintelligible screams. Eridan stumbled back into Aradia, while Karkat continued his mental breakdown.

Terezi sighed, taking off her glasses and rubbing her eyes with her fingers, "TRUST M3 GUYS, W3R3 MUCH COOL3R TH4N TH1S."

Dave questioned her. "are you though?"

Terezi grunted, "NO, 1 GU3SS NOT." Terezi put her glasses back on, walked over and slapped Karkat across the face, making him shut up. "COULD YOU, FOR ONC3, NOT B3 L1K3 TH1S? W3 H4V3 GOT GU3STS!"

"WHY DOES IT MATTER?" Karkat yold her, "ARE YOU TRYING TO GET ON THAT GLASSES WEARING FUCKPOD'S GOOD SIDE SO YOU CAN SLOPPILY MAKE OUT WITH HIM LATER?"

"WH4T!?" Terezi blushed teal, crossing her arms. "K4RK4T, STOP 1T! W3 4R3 JUST TRY1NG TO M4K3 4 GOOD 1MPR3SS1ON ON TH3 HUM4NS THAT W3 JUST FR34K1NG M3T UP W1TH 1N R34L L1F3!"

"YEAH, SO YOU CAN MAKE OUT WITH THEM!"

Terezi slapped him again. "1M S3R1OUS, D4MN 1T! GOD, 3XCUS3 M3 FOR W4NT1NG TO M4K3 4 GOOD 1MPR3SS1ON!"

Dave raised up a finger, and interrupted, "to be honest, you guys didnt make the best impression when you yelled at us when we first talked. but its awesome that you guys are a lot more normal looking than i thought. hell, a couple of you are even kinda hot."

"i try my best," Eridan beamed.

"not you dude, calm your horses. slow them right the fuck down and throw them in reverse, because that ego has gotten out of fucking hand."

Eridan pouted and crossed his arms, while Karkat and Terezi continued arguing. "SEE, YOU'VE ALREADY MANAGED TO SEDUCE THE DUMBASS WITH YOUR WILY CHARMS!"

"NOBODY 1S S3DUC1NG 4NYON3, D1NGUS! YOU JUST ST4RT3D SCR34M1NG FOR NO R34SON."

"I *ASSURE* YOU, IT IS OF THE *UTMOST* *FUCKING* *IMPORTANCE* TO THE HUMAN RACE THAT I SCREAM!"

"WH4T TH3 FUCK DO3S TH4T M34N?"

While the two kept arguing, Rose turned to Aradia and asked, "So, if I may, what exactly do we do now?"

"0h!" Aradia gasped, "i alm0st f0rg0t in all this excitement. y0u guys are g0ing t0 travel t0 the new session."

"Yes, I understand that part. But how?"

"S0llux and i will pr0pel y0u thr0ugh space all the way t0 the new sessi0n, using 0ur sweet tr0ll telekinetic skills. skills with a z, 0f c0urse!"

"yeah, thats all great hot troll girl, but what about you guys. are you just going to fight jack using your sweet mind powers?" Dave asked.

"nah, s0llux and i will make 0ur way thr0ugh the dream bubbles, having the wackiest adventures p0ssible! try and meet up with a few 0ld friends as well."

"oh, thats cool."

The group turned back to the arguing couple, whom had both started yelling at each other by that point. "THEY DON'T REPRODUCE LIKE US, SO THEY NEED TO DO IT WITH EACH OTHER!"

"TH3Y'R3 TH1RT33N! W3'R3 TH1RT33N! 1F 1 W4NT3D TO D4T3 ON3 OF TH3M, WH1CH 1 M1GHT DO JUST TO SP1T3 YOU, W3 H4V3 4 LONG T1M3 B3FOR3 W3 3V3N N33D TO TH1NK 4BOUT TH4T!"

"AHA!" Karkat pointed a finger at her, "SO YOU DO WANT TO DATE DAVE!" Terezi slapped him once again. "FOR FUCK'S SAKE WOULD YOU STOP SLAPPING ME?"

"WH3N YOU ST4RT B31NG R4T1ON4L 4ND C4LM 1 W1LL, BUT TH4T DO3SN'T S33M L1K3LY R1GHT NOW!"

"Oh, Would You Two Cease The Screaming?" Kanaya interrupted, coming up the stairs. "I Can Hear You From Down The Stairs. What Is Even Going On?"

"YOU!" Karkat called. "NO QUADRANTS WITH THE HUMANS, AND THAT'S AN ORDER! ESPECIALLY THE WITCH!"

"I'm a Seer, why can no-one get that?" Rose said under her breath, rubbing her eyes with her fingers.

"Oh Can You Not Embarrass Us Karkat? I Would Appreciate Not Having Another Headache Right Now."

"guessin you couldnt find the clowwn?" Eridan asked.

"No, He Seems To Have Evaded Our Grasp." She pulled a Purple cape from her sylladex and threw it at Eridan. "I Did Find That, Though."

Eridan barely caught it, clumping it up in his hand. "oh. wwell thanks. dont think i can really wwear this though…" Kanaya looked at him, unimpressed. "uh, but thanks."

"WELL, GLAD WE'RE ALL HERE SO WE CAN FINALLY STOP TALKING ABOUT MAKING OUT WITH HUMANS AND GET THIS SHOW ON THE ROAD!" Karkat told the group.

"YOU W3R3 TH3 ONLY ON3 CL41M1NG TH4T!"

"JESUS TEREZI, COOL IT FOR FIVE FUCKING SECONDS WITH THE MAKE-OUT TALK, YOU'RE EMBARRASSING US."

Terezi muffled an aggravated scream behind her scrunched up face, but luckily Rose intervened, "Oh, we won't be leaving yet. We still need to wait for one more guest."

"WHO THE FUCK WOULD WE BE WAITING FOR? JOHN SAID IN THAT *DISGUSTING* LETTER THAT THEY COULDN'T COME SEE US."

"Oh, neither of them. No, our new guest should arrive in three, two-" Rose pointed beside the group, where a green flash of light had left the body of a bloodied Dersite citizen lying on the ground. "Just on time," Rose added cheerily.

"wwho the hell is that? wwitch, wwhat are you playin at?" Eridan crossed his arms accusingly.

"What is it you have against me Eridan? I have been nothing but polite to you."

"nothin, i'm just still mad that you didnt showw me your wways of Science."

"From what I heard, it was probably for the best."

Eridan huffed at her, though blushed as well, and Aradia clapped her hands. "all right then! were g00d t0 g0! any questi0ns bef0re we send y0u thr0ugh the c0sm0s?"

"JUST ONE, HOW LONG IS THIS GOING TO TAKE? A DAY? A WEEK?"

Aradia counted her fingers, "0h, well lets see: 0ne, tw0, uh, three!"

The group looked around at each other, expecting an answer, before Karkat finally spoke up, "THREE WHAT?"

"three years!"

"WHAT! THREE FUCKING YEARS? GOD, I MIGHT MAKE IT TO THE NEW SESSION FASTER BY THROWING MYSELF OFF THIS METEOR."

"d0nt be silly karkat, 0f c0urse y0u w0uldnt!"

Karkat slid his hands through his hair, before sighing, "FINE, WHATEVER. THREE YEARS. THIS'LL BE A BLAST. AND BY BLAST, I MEAN THE BLAST THAT OCCURS WHEN I BLOW MY GOD DAMN BRAINS OUT." Karkat stomped away, down the stairs and out of sight.

Rose turned to the Maid, placing her hands on her hips. "Well, for what it's worth, it was a pleasure to meet you… Aradia and Sollux, was it? And I look forward to learning more about troll culture from our former tormentors." She nodded at Kanaya as she said the last sentence, and Kanaya smiled and nodded back.

Eridan frowned as Aradia flew up with Sollux, grasped the meteor with their powers, and threw it in the direction of the new session. This was going to be a long three years.

Prince of Heart- Done. I'm gonna have a lot of fun in the meteor. And when they meet the ancestors, I got some big plans for one character in particular. *Rubs hands together*