Barry rose from the couch at Iris's prompting. She was already headed towards the staircase. "Wait," he said, as she lifted her leg, preparing to ascend the stairs.

Iris twisted back to see what the holdup was. The quicker they made it upstairs, the quicker they could fall asleep in each other's arms like they used to, prolonging her eventual breakdown. At least, that's how she hoped things would unfold.

These days, she didn't know what to expect when it came to her interactions with Barry.

"Not here," Barry said, shaking his head. "After the talk Joe and I had, Cecile is probably prying his ear from the wall right now."

Iris jeered at him in jest. "You told him about...about... us?"

Rushing over to quiet the scorn in her gaze, he replied, barely above a whisper, "No. I wouldn't without consulting you. We talked mostly about me and," he said, trailing off. "But he knows about what happened with us, Iris. I can just feel it."

Iris sighed, just what she needed. "Okay then. Where?"

"STAR Labs."

MANUAL SCENE BREAK

Iris walked through the heavy metal doors of STAR Labs' south entrance. Barry stepped over the threshold behind her, flipped on a light switch, then punched in some numbers on the security pad, locking them both inside.

"Wow. You've been keeping up this place," Iris said, looking around what used to be the lobby. "Not one cobweb in sight."

"Not me. Cisco. He's weirdly attached to this place," Barry said, walking over to Iris. "Before I moved last year, I tried to sell it, but he begged me to wait a couple of years until he could afford to buy it."

Iris laughed. "Where's he going to get that kind of money?"

"He's a tech genius, he can sell a few patents. But mainly, he's depending on a steep "friends and family" discount," Barry added.

The closer Barry got, the more the bright, fluorescent light highlighted his visage, marked by puffy, pink eyes and a slightly sunken mouth. The walk over to STAR Labs had given his—and her—tear supply time to dry up, at least for the time being. But seeing crystal clear evidence of the pain on his face tugged on her heartstrings.

Iris forced herself to look away, otherwise, she'd act on her urge to cradle his face and tell him that she would solve all of his problems for him. It's what she'd always done when they were younger, but she didn't know if she could be that person anymore.

For him or herself.

"So where are we going?" She asked as they walked in tandem towards the long corridor.

"Speed lab. I've converted it into a temporary studio apartment. It's not perfect, but it has everything I need...almost."

MANUAL SCENE BREAK

"Wow. This is really nice," Iris said, as she peered around Barry's living quarters. Outside of the freakishly high ceiling, there was zero evidence that this room used to be the speed lab.

Upon first entering, there was a fully furnished living room. Off to the corner, was a small, yet functional kitchen. Further back was a wall in the corner that probably led to his bedroom. Iris didn't see a space for a bathroom, but it's not like STAR labs wasn't chock full of them.

"Thanks," he said demurely. "It took about five days, even with my speed, but I'm proud of it."

"You should be," Iris said, walking over to, and letting her weight fall onto this couch. When she swept her feet up over the soft cushions she moaned softly. "God, it feels so good to finally be off of my feet."

With the couch fully occupied, Barry took a seat in the recliner adjacent to the couch.

"Oh!" she said, shooting up. "I'm being rude. It's just...I worked an eight-hour shift today."

Barry smiled, waving away her concern. "It's okay. I love this chair. Besides, I'm the reason we're here, and not in your comfortable bed right now."

Though innocent in nature, those words caused surging heat to rise to Iris's cheeks. Barry took notice, apologizing at once. "You know that's not how I meant that. I just, I mean we would have been talking, probably sitting above the covers. Not touchi—"

"Barr," Iris said, unable to contain her laughter. "I know what you meant."

"Good," he said with a curt nod.

"But that still didn't stop my mind from traveling there too," she said candidly, if not slightly hesitant. "Given everything that's happened, it's natural, honestly."

He nodded again.

"But it's also 1:30 in the morning, and I don't have the energy to do this every five minutes."

"Do what?"

"This. The accidental suggestiveness, the flubbing, the awkwardness. I know we've both kept a few secrets over the years but this is a new level of suppression. And I don't like it."

"I don't like it either," he replied a moment later.

"Good. So let's stop it." Returning her head to the arm of the couch, Iris settled back into her spot. "It won't be easy, but we need to be completely honest with each other if we're going to have any kind of...anything," she said, not wanting to get ahead of herself.

She couldn't see Barry's face, but his eyes lit up slightly, at her hinting that they had a chance to have...anything. A soft chuckle followed.

"What?"

"It's just, I don't know. It's only been about five weeks, but you're already so different. And you were already different then, after not seeing you for a few years."

"Bad different. Or good different?"

"Now? Definitely good."

"But before?"

"Not bad, no. Just. Hard to read, but it makes sense, given what you've gone through," he said, easing past adding a negative connotation on her personality change. After seeing a bit of her dynamic with Scott up close, he knew now that the walls she had up were put there out of necessity.

Iris grew silent. Had he said too much? "Therapy must be going well," he offered, circling back around to his original intent.

"I've only had two double sessions, so technically four but yeah, I'd say so."

"If nothing else, you've got the pose down pact. Lying on a couch that's not yours, staring up at the ceiling, not making eye contact with the person you're talking to."

"Whatever." Rolling over onto her side, so she was facing him, she added, "Is this better?

"Anytime I can see your beautiful face is better," he said without delay.

Again, Iris blushed, this time wishing she could hide her delight underneath her hands, or behind a superficial shrug. However, she was the one who asked for total honesty. Her and her bright ideas.

"That's really sweet, Barr," she eventually said, moved by his compliment.

Her face fell shortly after. A soft sigh followed before she caught her bottom lip up in her teeth.

"What?"

"I shouldn't have ignored you over the last month."

"It's okay," he said, dismissively. Still, Iris could see that he was still hurt over how abruptly their reunion ended, how easily she'd shut him out.

Sitting up on the couch, Iris leaned over and grabbed his hand ."No," she said earnestly. "It's not okay." I should have been more understanding of your situation with Patty. I'm not in love with Scott anymore but this divorce is hard on me — no, he hasn't popped up on me," she added to calm the fire that blazed when she mentioned Scott.

"He better not," Barry said, voice just as trenchant as it had been that day Scott came to her hotel room.

"And I can only imagine what it's like for you being that there are still feelings involved," Iris said, the last sentence of which grated on her tongue. But again, she couldn't allow herself to live in blissful ignorance. The fact of the matter is that Barry loved Patty. Love, which wasn't going to fade away overnight. Iris knew that it was going to take time, and she was going to have to be patient. The thought made her throat burn with acid, but life was not a fairy tale, no matter how she wanted Barry to be her Prince Charming. "Do you want to talk about what happened, what brought you to Joe's tonight?"

"In time," he said slowly, knowing, or hoping at least, that they would have plenty of more time to go more in-depth. "No more secrets, right?"

"No more secrets," Iris agreed.

The room became silent.

"I will say, though," he added, "I know, without a doubt, that no matter what happens I know exactly who I want, and where I want to be."

"And where is that?" Iris asked, voiced slightly pitched.

"Right here with you. Well, maybe not always here. I'm hoping to get an actual apartment eventually. But you know. In your presence."

Iris smiled but only slightly, knowing if she let her smile reach her eyes, she'd break down into tears, not just because his admission warmed her heart, but because she was back in a position where a man could potentially hurt her. And not just any man, Barry Allen, the man who'd had her heart for years.

Barry frowned. "I'm so sorry that I hurt you, Iris. It's the last thing I ever wanted to do."

Iris bit her lip, teetering between letting his apology, which she knew he meant, stand, and pushing for more information, under their current honesty pact

"Iris. Did you hear me?"

"Yes, Barry," She said breathily. "I just. I know things were, hell are, complicated, but I just don't understand how you could." She stopped abruptly. "Never mind."

"How we could share what we shared, and then I have sex with Patty?"

She nodded, slowly attempting to stifle the tears that were trying to resurface. Damn her attempt at openness.

Barry sighed, lowering his head. Returning his focus to her, he began slowly. "The first time it happened was the night after kissed in the bathroom. As happy as I was, I was also confused. Because your actions afterward didn't match up with what I felt had been a genuine moment. You ran away from me and wouldn't talk to me or look at me for the rest of the evening. So I just thought maybe you got caught up and didn't actually mean what you said. So I didn't really see the harm in giving in to Patty, especially since I was harboring a lot of guilt about cheating on her."

"That's fair," Iris said, slowly attempting to keep her voice leveled. "But then the second time? After you assured me you wanted to pursue this with us. And after we, you know," she pushed on, knowing she shouldn't but unable to resist. "After what we did…"

Iris felt stupid for not being able to say the words, given the fact that she was a 31 year old woman, but it was still a sore topic for her. She'd had been overcome with so many emotions that night in her hotel room. Even though she was the one who'd curved Barry's advances, she was eager to let him go a little further. Kissing soon morphed into her having Barry's hands wandering all over her body. When he parted her legs, the air mixed with the moisture pooling between them and she became slightly embarrassed by the extent of her arousal. But to hell with that, she'd already accidentally confessed she hadn't had sex in half a year. They were adults, after all, and that was the result of her being denied regular sexual contact. Rather, the result of her finally getting sense enough to stop sleeping with a man who talked to her like a piece of shit.

Besides, Barry hadn't seemed to mind, as his lips left her mouth, his hand sliding underneath her panties, and he settled into playing with her folds, and massaging her bulbous nub at the center. In fact, he seemed to be fueled by her wetness, doing everything he could to draw out more of it. It had taken everything in her to resist the overwhelming urge to buck her hips in sync with his motions after he slid two fingers inside of her, and started to pump. But then, he added a vibrating thumb into the mix, and all attempts to keep her soul attached to her as she orgasmed, fast and hard, all over his hand, went out of the window.

"Even though it wasn't sex, it was the most physically intimate moment we have ever shared, Barry." He might have been the one performing the action, but she was in the more vulnerable position, as she lay there, half dressed, writhing underneath his touch as she bit down onto his shoulder. "When you told me you went home and had sex with Patty, though I knew I had no right to be mad, I just, I felt like you didn't enjoy the experience. And that insecurity, I've realized," she added, thinking back to the conversations about this with Dr. Morgam, "was what fueled my anger."

"Don't you know I could never regret touching you, kissing you, loving you?"

"Then why did you do it?" Iris asked, blunter than she intended.

"I just," he said, searching for the answer. "I felt guilty. Not because I regretted what we did, but because of when we did it, and the fact that I was going to have to hurt Patty. If anything, sharing that moment with you only solidified what I already knew: you were it for me."

"Oh, Barr."

"I meant it. When I went home, I was prepared to walk out of my marriage right then and there, but she just completely misconstrued everything, and started kissing me, and cowered out. It's not an excuse, but it is the reason."

Iris processed his words but remained silent.

"I regretted it the moment it happened," he continued in her silence. "Neither of you deserved that. And I will forever regret adding to your pain." He sniffed, bringing a hand to his face. Voice choked, he pleaded, "Please forgive me, Iris."

"Oh, don't cry anymore, Barr. My heart can't take it. I do forgive you, okay? It still hurts, I won't lie, but I do understand the position you were in, and I shouldn't have just shut you out. It was wrong, and I'm sorry."

He nodded, his eyes fixed on his lap, unable to disagree with the last part. But he also understood her position. He was just as, if not more so, wrong.

She continued, "They were beautiful messages, by the way. Even in the midst of my anger, they touched my heart."

He glanced up with those eyes of his that absolutely melted her. "Really?"

"Yes. No one has ever spoken about me in that way before. You made me feel like the most special woman ever."

"Well, that's because that's what you are to me, what you always have been."

Iris simpered on his face for a moment, then sighed, wistfully, returning to her original spot, eyes again fixed on the ceiling.

"Did I say something wrong?"

"No," she said, swallowing the lump building in her throat, "You say all of the right things, all of the time. It's just that—" Iris started, stopping when she realized Barry was standing over her. "What are you doing?" Suddenly, she felt like a speck underneath his towering stance.

"You're so far away," he said, as he gently lifted her legs so that he could take a seat.

Iris tried to pull her legs away, but he pulled them back into his lap, grazing his fingers over the outline of her silky smooth thighs, down past her calves, resting them on her ankles.

"And I haven't always said the right things," he continued, making no acknowledgement of the energy change in the room.

Iris wondered if he just enjoyed seeing her squirm, or maybe he thought that she would tell him to stop touching her. If only he knew that she had no desire to; that she welcomed his proximity to her. That she wanted him even closer to her. Maybe it was for the best because all of those things also terrified the shit out of her.

"But I learned the hard way," Barry kept on.

"Huh?" Iris asked voice raised, then realizing she had zoned out.

"Were you listening?"

"Yes. Definitely," she said, telling her first lie of the night. "Continue. Please."

"Okay," he said, eyeing her curiously. "I learned the hard way what keeping my feelings to myself does. It ruins everything. I never admitted to Patty that I was in love with someone else, and look where we're at now. And I never told you how I felt about you, or that Scott gave off bad vibes to me, and you married him, only for him to abuse you emotionally. Back before all of this happened, We had many nights like this, well not, like this, but you know nights spent together. I could have told you how I felt 1000 times, Iris. But—." He trailed off. "I was so afraid you wouldn't feel the same way."

Iris laughed at the irony of that statement. "I have loved you for years, Bartholomew. And I mean, 'love' love." The words came out easier than she'd expected.

It was Barry's turn to blush. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I don't know. It never seemed like the right time. Those moments when I came close, well, I chickened out because I'd think about how great of a friend you were, and how much I wasn't prepared to lose you if things went wrong."

"Why did you assume things would go wrong?"

"Umm, hello? Look at how things have been up until this point, Barry. Adding romantic feelings into the mix always complicates things."

"I don't agree," he said, folding his arms.

"Oh?" she asked, brow raised.

"Things between us only got so murky because of miscommunication. If you'd told me—"

"Or if you'd told me," she said, glaring at him. "I'll shoulder some of the blame, but not all of it."

He chuckled. "If we'd told each other how we felt, we could have had the most perfectly imperfect relationship out there."

"How can you be so sure?"

"People treasure the things that they value most. And there isn't anyone on this planet I love more than I love you, Iris. I would have done everything in my power to make you happy, to keep us together."

"Aww, Barr. That is the sweetest thing ever. I feel the same way about you."

He smiled sadly, then licked his lips, attempting to seal in the words he'd been holding in since they'd reunited over a month ago.

"Wha-what is it, Barry?"

"Feelings aside, why did you abandon our friendship after you got married? I was prepared to grin and bear it if it meant we could still spend time together, but you just went ghost on me."

Clearly caught off guard, Iris ran a hand through her hair. "Well-"

"You know what," Barry said, quickly, cutting her off. "We have plenty of time to talk about this."

"Are you sure?" She asked, slightly relieved.

"Yes," he said too quickly for her liking, but she would allow him to drop it. For now. Truth be told, she didn't think any of them were ready to reopen those wound yet. At least not tonight.

"Okay then, Barry. What now?" As soon as the words left her mouth, she regretted them. Giving Barry the option to fill the lull in conversation wouldn't end well for her.

"Now? You come here." His words had a husky undertone that made her hair stand on end, which was enough, but the look he gave her, as he leaned down to pull her up by her arms was a whole other story.

"Barry." She shook her head no. It wasn't forceful, and it definitely wasn't what she actually meant, which she knew that he knew.

He nodded 'yes' as she protested. Lazily, she allowed herself to be pulled up from the couch, and into his lap. Looking down at him, she noticed the sadness in his eyes that had drawn her back underneath his spell was gone, and had been replaced with longing, desire. "You're so beautiful," he crooned.

She smiled sheepishly, covering her mouth with her hand.

"What?"

"I just like when you call me beautiful I know it sounds stupid."

"Why would that be stupid?"

"I don't know. We're past the butterfly stage of life, right? Scott always told me... Well, nevermind. It doesn't matter."

"No. Tell me what the asshole said."

"Okay, but first I need you to stop puffing out your chest every time I mention him. He's not worth your anger."

"I know, I just wanna bash his face in for mistreating you." Tenderly, he pushed her hair out of her face, behind her ears, a stark contrast to the look of offense on his face.

Iris smiled softly. "I know, Barry. But he cannot hurt me anymore. And even if he tried, I have you," said, running her hands up and down his biceps.

He exhaled deeply, savoring the feel of her hands on his body.

"Yeah?"

"Yes," she said, settling herself further into her lap. She brought her hands up around his neck. "If you really want me to have you."

"I want it more than anything."

She smiled. "Good."

"So what was this about butterflies, Ms. West?"

"I just. I feel like we're past that stage of life. And yet, that's all I feel when I'm around you. It makes me feel slightly immature, but I also kind of love it. I went so long holding my emotions hostage to prevent myself from being hurt by Scott, it feels good to let someone—you—in." The next moment, their lips were pressed together, their tongues engaged in a forbidden dance, in every sense of the word.

MANUAL SCENE BREAK

Iris fluttered her eyes, pushing away the sleepiness that was trying to retain its grip on her. She stirred slightly, attempting to stretch when she realized there was a man asleep behind her, who had an even tighter grip on her body. One arm was tight around her waist, the other was resting comfortably underneath her breasts in her tank top. With tight eyes, she glanced back at him. When she saw that they were both still fully clothed, she breathed a sigh of relief. Kissing must have been as far as they'd gotten last night after they'd moved to his bedroom. "Thank God," she said to herself.

Truth be told, as much as her body longed for Barry, her heart wasn't ready for this yet. Neither was Patty's, Iris thought, though the irony of her now considering that poor woman's feelings hit her like a ton of bricks. It wasn't that she didn't care, it's just that, the years of abuse she endured at the hands of Scott, she felt like she owed it to herself to put herself first for once.

That aside, her and Barry still had much to work out before they took this next step in their...well, who knows what the fuck this was. Barry was only one week out from leaving Patty. He hadn't filed divorce papers yet or even officially moved out. And she was still at the very beginning stages of her divorce proceedings with Scott. Unfortunately, the road to them being together, free from the baggage they'd introduced into their lives, would be long and winding. She just hoped they were strong enough to handle the journey.

Careful not to wake him, Iris gently raised his arm until she had just enough space to wiggle free from his grip. There was no resistance on his end—another small miracle. Because staying there in Barry's bed, as he gently hummed in his sleep was a disaster waiting to happen, especially when all she wanted to do was finish what they'd started a few hours ago.

Standing up over the bed, Iris shot him a final look, then headed for the bathroom. She groaned when she saw her reflection. Her eyes, now too, were puffy and red, but she also had the added element of smeared eyeliner and eyeshadow.

"God, you look like hell," she said to her reflection.

"No, you look perfect," said a voice from behind. Looking up, she could see Barry's reflection standing behind her own.

Turning to face him, Iris smiled. He actually looked better than he did when she found him on the couch. At least compromising her emotions had done him a little good. And as much as she didn't want to admit it, it had done her some too.

"Thank—"

His lips were on hers before she could complete her thought, as he hoisted her up on the sink like she was absolutely weightless. The force knocked over his toiletries sat out on the sink, but he didn't seem to mind. At first, Iris returned his hungry kisses, mussing his bed hair even more in her hands. She moaned softly, as his tongue made the plunge deep inside of her mouth. Damn was he good at this kissing thing, which wouldn't have been such a big deal if he wasn't also good at everything else: waxing poetic to her and making her believe that he meant every gotdamn word, looking at her like she was the sexiest woman ever, who could do and achieve anything, but who also had him in her corner if she needed anything.

The fact of the matter is, that he was everything she needed in her life, and yet this situation they were in was fucked. She didn't have much time to ponder over it though, because his hands soon started to roam over her body, pushing her dress well up past her thighs.

"Barr," she breathed

"Hmm?" He asked, mouth pressed against hers.

Iris pulled her head back, breaking this kiss, but that didn't deter him. He just directed his attention to her neck, sucking and nipping at the skin underneath her ear, then down the side of her neck, then lower, towards her collarbone.

"Barrrry," she whined, "I work tonight."

"Okay. And?"

"You're marking my neck up."

He paused. "Oh right. Well, I can mark you in places nobody at your job can see," he said, lowering the straps on her dress.

He licked his lips at the sight of he breasts, free from the restraints of her dress, dropping slightly to their natural position. "Your body is perfect, Iris," he said before his mouth found her right nipple, then her left.

She moaned as he spun gentle circles around and around, as he alternated between them. "Barry, babe. Don't you have to go to work?"

"Not for a few hours," he said, as his hand dipped between her legs.

"Fuck, you're already so wet," he groaned before pushing his mouth back against hers.

"Bay-by," Iris pleaded "That feels so good, but we can't have sex yet. And I don't think I can hold out like this."

He kissed the skin between her breasts again. "As you said, this isn't exactly sex." Then once more, trailing his tongue down her stomach. "And I've missed you so much. Have you missed me, Iris?"

She nodded, mouth slightly parted. "More than anything."

When he reached the rim of her panties, he paused for a moment, waiting for her protest, but it never came. The next kiss was planted at her center, over the thin fabric of her panties.

When he reached to pull them down, she caught his hands. "No. Bed. Now," she moaned, finally relenting. If they were going to cross this line, it would not be in a bathroom.

In a flash of lightning, Iris was laid flat on Barry's bed, resting on her elbows, with him perched between her legs. Somewhere between the bathroom and the bedroom, he'd flung off her panties. Crawling up her body, he planted soft, wet kisses on her inner thighs, taking time to reacquaint himself with a body he'd known not nearly long enough. Not once did he look up at her, which she was semi-grateful for, knowing she couldn't handle that kind of eye contact right now. But somehow, it only increased the stakes, as he inched closer and closer to her centermost point. "Wait, Barry," she said, clenching her legs closed, sending him a clear-cut no.

She sat up and pulled down her dress, and returned her arms to her straps.

"Are you okay? Did I do something wrong?"

"No! I think I'm just feeling really vulnerable right now, and I don't know," she answered.

"Vulnerable? How?

"I've been holding everything in for so long, but between my therapy sessions and trying to be more open, and conversation last night I suddenly feel exposed in every single way. And it's freeing, but also terrifying. I think I need time to open my body back as well. I'm sorry—"

"No," he said, sternly. "You have nothing to be sorry over. I understand." Sighing gently, he sat up on the bed. "I don't know why I thought we could just jump into this again. I'm sorry I misread you."

"Well, you didn't misread me, Barr. I do want you. I've already had you, in minor ways," she said flirtatiously. "But making this a regular part of our new—"

"Whatever this is," he said mockingly, turning his face up.

"Whatever this is," she echoed him with a laugh. "Isn't something I'm ready for yet. I just need a little time."

"Well you, Iris West, take all of the time you need. I'll just be here, hurting, really, really, really badly," he said, trailing eyes up and down her body. "But supporting you every step of the way," he added with a big smile.

Iris chuckled, rolling her eyes.

"What?"

"It's just, you're still the adorable nerd I grew up with Barr. Even if you've developed these bedroom eyes that drive me crazy, and a mouth I can't get enough of." Leaning forward, she kissed him once more, this time much more chaste than the ones that preceded them.

"And you're still the woman I've always loved," he said, once they parted. "Perfect then, and perfect now."