Prince of Heart- Something something ripped directly from the comic something something we're almost at the biggest fuck around in Homestuck history something something.

Apologies for no update last week, I planned on getting this out tomorrow but certain events prevented me. But hey, at least I'm not updating once a month.

As the platform descended further into the ground with loud cracks and rumbles, rocky walls continuing to form around them in jagged and dangerous formations, Eridan looked around below him to see it begin to fade into a lighter yellow, and eventually a solid gray as it finally hit the ground with a click and a thump. The silent and musty smelling air was cleared as another click came from the middle of the platform, and a hole slid open to reveal a chest beginning to rise up, eventually stopping as it was fully penetrated past the platform just a little above the hole. It sat at about chest height to the two tallest members of the crew, Vriska's athletic figure and John's lanky form. Vriska smirked, and slowly paced towards the little stand and stopped within arm's reach of the thing, the rest of the group forming around it and gazing at the chest like a carnival attraction.

"so the treasures in that chest?" John asked, crossing his arms and leaning in.

"Yeah!" Vriska exclaimed, rubbing her hands together.

Eridan scowled. "thats it? wwasnt there supposed to be a fuckin wweapon that wwould kill wwhoevver the fuck this mr english is."

"Okay, first of all," Vriska said, turning to him, "don't say his real name! Lucky for me you're a dum8ass and don't remem8er his real name somehow."

"i got more important things to do wwith my time than remember some mythical monster tale for fuckin wwrigglers. not like he affects me."

Vriska opened her mouth to say something, but instead sighed and rubbed her forehead with her index finger and thumb. "I… There are so many points of time that I thought, 'man, he couldn't get MORE douchey and dum8 than this,' 8ut you always amaze me Eridan. You just plain amaze me. 'Mr English' affects you just as much as anyone else."

"Yeah Eridan," Aranea chipped in, placing a hand on his shoulder, "and if I'm correct, there's a chance you may 8e the hero from legends once foretold in our session!"

"wwait wwhat? wwhy the hell didnt i hear of this til noww?"

"I just didn't think it was important to reveal, as it's pretty much a fifty fifty chance anyway!"

Vriska rolled her eyes. "Nope, I've got much more important AND relevant expo to spout. Anyone that wants to learn about 8etter info from Serket Plus come gather around me."

Aranea shrugged her shoulders as the rest of the group went over to Vriska, pulling Eridan away gently to tell him about the legend. "I suppose you remem8er your Dancestor Cronus? He certainly is hard to forget due to his cocky and perpetually angry personality."

"yeah i wwish i didnt but wwhat the fuck does he havve to do wwith me and bein great?"

"Well," Aranea chuckled, "The 8ard of Hope may seem a little jaded these days, but once he had a deeply abiding faith in magic, and dedicated himself to becoming a great wizard. Much like you with your studies in science!"

Eridan pursed his mouth. "yeah wwell im beginnin to change my vviews on that. but that doesnt matter wwhether it wwas magic or science anymore. all that matters is that i dont fuck up again."

"Well my my! How mature of a view if I can say. Well continuing , Cronus became convinced he was hatched to defeat an extraordinarily evil magician, one he swore the angels foretold of. Though when pressed for the name of the man, he would not say it, claiming it was too dangerous to even enunciate. Part of his self-aggrandizing mythos was that this magician once somehow from afar tried to strike him down at a young age, so he would never have to face him. But the evil spell was deflected, sealing the magician's spirit away in a series of unassuming vessels until he could find some other cunning way to enter our universe. The attack supposedly left him with his distinctive scar. But at some point he became disillusioned with magic. If there ever was any truth to his far fetched vision, the legacy of defeating the evil magician would have to be passed on to his descendant," she pointed to Eridan with one hand, "you, or if his descendant proved to be as much of a failure as he did, which can 8e de8ated, then perhaps on some other Hero of Hope. I'm unsure why he suffered this crisis of faith, aside from the obvious reasons having to do with an overall lack of character, or any other redeeming qualities. Perhaps someone talked him out of his beliefs. Maybe a friend close to him. Or, if one is to believe his fantasy held any water, perhaps someone who was in league with the evil magician."

Eridan hid his arms beneath his cape, and sighed, "so then wwould i be considered a failure?"

"That may 8e. Then again, it may not. 8ack in the game, would you consider yourself confident or cocky a8out how you acted then?"

Eridan thought for a second. "i fuckin thought i wwas. i wwas wwillin to do the shit others couldnt or wwere evven afraid to."

"So when this "Mr English" comes to destroy you and your friends, what do you intend to do?"

"wwell i thi-"

"FUCK YOU!" he heard Vriska scream out, shocking him and making the Prince jump backwards to face her. He watched as she held her hands against her forehead, a typical sign of her telepathic abilities being used, with a strained and angry look on her face, as she glared up above them and away from the open and glowing chest. "FUUUUUUUUCK YOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUU!" Eridan looked over towards John, the closest to her, and he looked on, breathless and speechless, before looking over to Eridan as well and shrugging in a confused manner. "FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU!" She pushed herself away from the chest, baring her teeth at some unknown entity. "OHHHHHHHH NOOOOOOO! OH FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! WE'RE G8ING TO LOOK AT WH8T'S IN THIS CH8ST RIGHT N8W! DO YOU HE8R ME Y8U F8CK? I D8DN'T SCRAPE AND CLAW MY W8Y 8ACK TO RELEV8NCE F8R THIS SHIT! I'M DOING S8METHING F8CKING IMPORTANT! AND WHEN I DO SOMETH8NG FUCKING IMPORT8NT, EVERY88DY 8ETTER D8MN WELL PAY ATT8NTION TO ME!"

"wut?" Meenah whispered between her breath, looking to the Maid of Time for help, earning just an unflinching smile once again.

"YOU DON'T TH8NK I'M ON TO YOU 8Y NOW? AS IF I C8N'T SENSE WH8N SOME SORT OF 8ULLFUCKERY IS AFOOT? YOU DON'T THINK 8'M WISE TO YO8R FUCKING G8MES?"

"who is she speaking to?" John whispered back to Eridan and Aranea.

"i dont fuckin knoww i thought she wwas crazy wwhen wwe dated but this is neww to me."

"GO AHEAD! TRY AND FUCK W8TH US SOME M8RE! MAKE MY D8Y YOU PI8CE OF SHIT! EVERYONE HERE WANTS TO KNOW WH8T'S IN THIS CHEST, SO THAT'S EX8CTLY WHAT THEY'RE GONNA SEE! THERE'S PRO8A8LY SOME IDEAL WAY FOR ME TO REVEAL THIS THING TO M8KE IT SEEM AS COOL AS POSSI8LE, 8UT Y8U KNOW WHAT! I DON'T GIVE A F8CK! I'M JUST G8NNA DUMP IT OUT ON THE FLOOR RIGHT HERE AND NOW!"

Vriska jumped away from the small stand the chest was on, bringing the glowing and bright object with her in a violent and jerking fashion. In one swift movement she upturned the box and threw the contents onto the floor, being a singular small human hive about three quarters the size of Eridan with an eerily white screen.

"THERE!" Vriska continued screaming, "FUCKING TH8RE! TAAAAAAAA DAAAAAAAA! W8W WILL YOU LOOK AT TH8T!" She threw the chest away, the small thing clunking to the ground. "IT'S THE FUCK8NG TREASURE! LOOKS LIKE SOME K8ND OF HUMAN HOUSE SHAPED THING! H8LY SHIT, DIDN'T SEE THAT C8MING! NOW EVERYONE HOLD YOUR FUCKING H8RSES WHILE I ARTLESSLY EXPLAIN SOME MORE SHIT A8OUT IT! WOOOOOOOO! HERE FUCKING G8ES! AFTER THE GUY USED IT THAT ONE TIME, IT 8ECAME TOTALLY INTANGI8LE! SO WE CAN'T TOUCH IT OR PICK IT UP! THAT'S WHY WE 8ROUGHT ARADIA ALONG! SO SHE CAN MAKE IT LEVIT8 OR WHATEVER! IF WE 8RING IT NEAR HIM IT'S SUPPOSED TO ACTIV8 AGAIN OR SOMETHING! THAT'S HOW YOU USE IT AS A WEAPON I GUESS! 8UT THAT'S ALL I KNOW!" She pointed the sky angrily with an outstretched index finger. "THERE! YOU LIKE TH8T YOU FUCK? DO YOU LIKE HOW I JUST TOOK THE FUCKING PISS OUT OF TH8T COOL MYSTERIOUS TREASURE! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! DO YOU LIKE GETTING OWNED? 8ECAUSE THAT'S WHAT YOU JUST GOT! OWNED! SO WHY DON'T YOU SUCK IT!" She raised her arms into the air. "SUUUUUUUUCK," and then threw them back down in the direction of the human hive, "IIIIIIIIT!"

The Thief fell backwards onto her behind, landing on the palms of her hands whilst huffing and puffing from her long-winded and loud rant to an unknown victim. The group stayed silent, gazing at each other awkwardly; John with a blank face, Aranea with a concerned look, Meenah with a suspicious look, Eridan with an annoyed glare, and Aranea with an unflinching smile.

"ok, i'm not sure what that crazy outburst was about," John said, moving forward towards the object, "but i think i'll just let that one go. you say this little house thing is intangible?"

Vriska sighed and nodded, "Yes."

"so i can't touch it?"

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's what intangi8le means!"

John put his hands on his hips. "what happens if i do?"

Vriska pursed her lips. "I dunno if I would do that if I were you."

"i'm not too worried," John explained, crouching down next to the glowing object. "this is just my dream hologram self, or some nonsense. how many times has meenah stabbed me with her fork?"

"not enough blue stooge," Eridan heard Meenah whisper under her breath, "not enough by a nautical mile."

"and i always wake up fine!" the Heir continued.

"It's not just a8out you, John. This is a very powerful juju. You'd 8e messing with some forces we don't fully understand."

"sounds like a dare to me," Aradia chimed in.

"Oh my god," Vriska exclaimed. "Alright, whatever. I'll 8e fucked if suddenly I'm gonna 8e the lone voice of prudence and sound judgment in our 8adass pir8 clu8. If you really wanna plunge your fist through some sort of hole in reality, then 8e my guest!"

John wriggled his fingers as he held his hand up, before slowly dipping the lanky thing inside into the human hive object. As it made contact with the glowing hive, it began falling straight through, getting about half his arm through the thing before the results of his fuckery were shown. Eridan looked above him, seeing the fore half of John's arm appear out of some sort of small blue portal out of thin air, before another appeared nearby. A third emerged from another portal just above Vriska's head, a lone finger poking the scorpion tail shaped horn on her head, prompting a sharp 'ouch' from John. Vriska looked above her head, but John retracted his hand quickly before she could see the culprit.

He shook his hand, before plunging back into the hive with the same hand, much more confidently this time, but after a moment, he began slightly becoming incorporeal, his body seeming wavy and transparent as his hand remained in the human hive object. "whoa," he said, his voice sounding very grainy, "this is making me feel weird."

"John, will you get your hand out of there?" Vriska demanded. "You're vaguely fucking shit up in some totally am8iguous way."

A bright light began emerging from John, before within a flash and a scream out, he disappeared from sight, Vriska shouting out his name as he went. Almost a second after, a trident clanked to the ground where John was, Meenah letting out a frustrated groan as it did. Vriska pursed her lips, before standing up and barging over to the object John had just disappeared from, and attempting to shove her hand in, only to have it bash against the solid object with a clank.

"Hey, what's the 8ig deal?" Vriska exclaimed, rubbing her hand. "So John gets to go do whatever the hell this am8iguous thing even does and I get nothing from it, in SPITE of the fact that I've 8een searching for it for God knows how long? That's 8ullshit! That's f8cking 8ullshit! So fucking l8ng, so much shit I've d8alt with, and this is what I get? J8hn taking 8LL the gl8ry?" She hopped up and pointed to the imaginary being she had yelled at just minutes ago. "Is this your f8cking punishment, for everything I've d8ne you a8solute fucking cr8tin?"

As she continued her rant, Eridan nudged Aranea to grab her attention away. "so uh wwhat the fuck wwas that? wwas that wwhat wwe wwere wwaitin for?"

"I don't 8elieve so," she replied, "8ut you know how she is. She'll find another way to defeat him."

"G8d damn it you pi8ce of hoof8east sh8t! That was the 8nly plan I had and n8w I have fucking n8thing in mind to d8feat him! God f8cking damn it!"

"wwell this wwas a wwaste of time."

"I don't know a8out that," Aranea said, wrapping her arms around one of his own and resting her head against his shoulder as she watched Vriska's freakout, "it was nice to sail the high seas like my post-scratch self."

"i guess it wwas great to don the old flarp outfit and pillage the ocean like the old days. but fuck i wwas hopin there wwould havve been somethin better here. fuck. wwould you mind if i just wwoke up and joined real life again?"

"Not at all!" Aranea told him, giving him a peck on the cheek. "I shall see you in a little 8it Eridan."

"wwait wwhat do you mean see me in a lit-" Eridan started, before Aranea knocked his dream self out and woke him up.