Author's Note: Hey guys! Here's chapter 5! I'm trying to figure out the correct pacing for this fanfic, but I'd like to get your input on it. Do you guys like having a slow build up to things where everything is explained, or do you like jumping right into it? Or is there like a sweet spot in the middle? Thanks to Empryexl, Miouhaneun, and Ifsomethingchanged for your reviews 3 Love you guys!

Empryexl - Ahh see you totally weren't stretching with the Keith/Cassandra father/daughter relationship. T'was the plan all along! Yea, agreed. The Yeager family needs some hardcore counseling. Maybe all this could be avoided if Grisha went into clinical psychology instead of internal medicine.

Miouhaneun - I'm so glad you like it so far! I'm not gonna lie; was totally nervous for your review. I'm a pretty big Stephen King fan, too! Even though It totally traumatized me; both the book and the movie. I'm still totally gonna watch part 2 when it hits theaters, though. I'm really excited to read Elevation, and I need to watch Castle Rock. Bleh, there's just so much good stuff out.

Ifsomethingchanged - Thank you! I super appreciate that. I'll totally need it. This is turning out to be a more challenging story to tell than I initially thought, so it's good to hear that I'm doing the characters some justice!

I'm glad you guys are enjoying it; keep letting me know what you think! I love hearing from you!

Chapter 5

Year 842:

Cassandra leaned against the wooden fence of the training field in the lonesome company of an owl. Hal would tilt his head at her curiously, taking the occasional brave step of hopping toward her and taking a lock of her hair into his beak. He would tug until she lowered her knees and dropped her arms just enough to show her red, puffy eyes. She would wipe her tears and sniffle, stroking his head to his content, and then retreat back into her shell. They repeated this cycle a few times that night.

The last three years had hardened her. She had become a soldier in every sense of the word, at least outwardly. She had hardened when she noticed how little in common she had with the other cadets. They all longed for the few weekends that they had to go back to their families. Cassandra would always stay and train. Keith was always away on an expedition, and she had no other family here. At least, none that wanted to claim her. She had hardened when she learned that it was traditional for family to attend the graduation ceremony. In the midst of the excited chatter, she had left before anyone could ask her who she would be extending the invitation to.

She had hardened again tonight when she received Zeke's letter congratulating her on her graduation. She missed him so much. She loved him more than life. He wrote that he had officially received the Beast Titan. His thirteen years were now counting down. She had always been told this was an eventuality, but part of her had hoped that the Marleyean government would recognize Zeke's value and opt not to give him the Beast Titan. They would just keep him as a war chief. It was a stupid hope. The Beast Titan was integral to Zeke's plan. He had spent many nights comforting her about it after the loss of their parents. She had begged him, once, not to go through with it. She didn't want to lose him. He had smiled at her and pulled her into a tight embrace. He explained what the world was like, how cruel it could be. He needed to leave behind a kinder world for her. It was his sole reason for carrying out the Eldia Restorationist agenda. There was only one Eldian he loved deeply, and he would give anything to see her safe, to see her happy. She wiped her face with the sleeve of her jacket and when she returned to the barracks, she was perfect and composed, just like diamond.

Cassandra heard the rank of the top ten graduating cadets announced, starting with rank ten. They stepped forward and their families would applaud enthusiastically. She began to dread the silence that would occur upon her name being called. When they reached rank three, Cassandra began to wonder if she had even made it into the top ten. She felt relief for a moment, but then guilt. She wanted to be a daughter that Keith could be proud of. How could she live up to a commander if she couldn't even make it into the top ten? She lost hope when the salutatorian was announced. She really had disappointed Keith.

"And our valedictorian, rank number one, Cassandra Shadis." the chief instructor announced. It took Cassandra a moment to understand. She stepped forward, hating how loud the noise of her boots against the gravel sounded in the silence. A thunderous applause soon followed, forcing her to turn in its direction. There stood the Survey Corps, dozens of them, staring straight at her and cheering. Keith beamed proudly. His smile widened when he made out her near invisible tells of surprise. Her eyes had widened, only slightly. Her lips had parted, just barely. She exhaled, giving him a grateful look that only he would understand. She turned toward the chief instructor and saluted, accepting her ranking.

"Have you decided on a branch, yet?" Nanaba asked, taking a seat across from Cassandra. The soldiers had surrounded her almost instantly, asking nonstop questions until they had reached the small restaurant to celebrate her graduation. She was grateful that only five people could fit into one booth. The rest had been forced to take up their own conversations in other areas of the restaurant.

"The Survey Corps." Cassandra replied with a nod. It was never a question. Perhaps that's why so many had turned up to greet her. Keith tore a piece of bread, handing half of it to her.

"Well, well, don't keep us in suspense, commander. Whose squad is she going to be in?" Hange asked, leaning over the table with both of her elbows on the wood. "I can always drop someone in my squad to make room!" Cassandra carefully examined the two women. Nanaba reminded her a lot of Beth. They both had similar short, blond hair. They both had sparkling blue eyes. They were both undeniably beautiful. She often found herself envious of them. She wished someone thought of her as beautiful, too. Hange was far more eccentric. Her dark brown hair was usually up in a messy pony tail. It was often disheveled and uncombed, poking out awkwardly from under the straps of her goggles. She was arguably the busiest person in the Survey Corps, and it showed. Her hair was rarely washed. Her skin was usually oily with sweat, and she went days without changing. Despite all of this, Cassandra still found her to be beautiful, too. She admired both women for their accomplishments. They were intelligent, confident, ...elite.

"W-wait a minute, squad leader! Who are you going to drop?!" Moblit spoke up. Cassandra didn't know much about him, just that he was in Hange's squad and usually attached to her by the hip. In fact, unless Hange was doing something stupid or dangerous, or both, Cassandra often failed to notice his presence.

"She'll be joining Erwin's squad." Keith replied, taking a sip of his tea.

"Boo." Hange pouted, sliding back into the booth with crossed arms.

"Erwin?" Cassandra asked, tilting her head up at Keith. She had heard the name before, but she was unfamiliar with this man.

"You've never met him?" Keith asked. She shook her head. "Strange. I could have sworn you had. You've been at the base enough times."

"You know how Erwin is, commander." Nanaba chimed in. "Always hiding away in his office, buried in his paperwork and planning. I'm in his squad and I barely recall seeing him this past month, outside of expeditions at least."

"Is he here?" Cassandra asked.

"No." Nanaba replied with a smirk. "He had urgent paperwork to take care of."

"A-actually," Hange started with a small, nervous giggle, "that was my fault. I didn't meet the deadline for my last set of reports. I turned them all into him yesterday." Cassandra spent the night listening to them recount stories of their adventures. They told her what she should expect from the Survey Corps. They even gave her advice for appropriately dealing with Erwin, though, assuring her that he was a fine, upstanding man with a spotless record. No one in his squad had died. Keith said he was special, and that she should look after him. 'He works too hard.' Cassandra understood. He was one of the elite warriors her father had spoken of. She still didn't consider herself elite, at least not yet. She was still dispensable. So, she had to protect those that weren't. That was her mission.

Cassandra stood stoned faced and at attention as Keith introduced her to Erwin. The blond man was taller than Zeke, but shorter than Keith. Not that the distinction mattered. She still had to crane her neck back to meet his eyes. She suddenly felt homesick again. She wanted to see Zeke. She was silent when Keith gave her the position of executive officer to Erwin's squad. She remained silent as the two went back and forth on the decision. Erwin insisted a more seasoned soldier like Mike was better fit to be his executive officer. Keith retorted that he could make that decision when he was commander. Cassandra found herself staring out of the window of Erwin's office, wondering what Zeke was doing. It was summer, and Zeke always got special permission to take Cassandra to the beach every summer. It was her favorite place. The smell of the ocean, the chill of the salt water, they were her favorite memories. She would hold Zeke's hand as they chased the tide in and out. He always found a shell for her to bring back home, to remember the trip. She wished she could have brought one of those shells with her. She wished she could have brought a picture of their family with her.

"Grab your gear and meet me out on the training field." She smoothly transitioned her eyes from the window to Erwin's face, never giving a hint that she had been dreaming of some far-off land.

"Yes, sir." She understood. He had high standards for his squad and he wanted to make sure she met them. He needed to be sure. She was used to this. It was standard. So, their relationship slowly formed. First with her dominance over him in hand-to-hand combat. Then with his dominance over her in vertical maneuvering gear. He told her not to feel bad, it was to be expected. He had more experience than her. He was still impressed. He had smiled at her, and it had done something to her that she did not recognize. It was like jolts of electricity had been born somewhere deep in her stomach and traveled out to her extremities. The breath that left her seemed colder somehow, but she felt her throat and lungs burn hot. Her body betrayed her. Her heart skipped a beat without reason. She felt her legs wobble though she was not tired. She felt an anxiety with a nameless cause. What was happening to her?

She had written to Zeke that night, detailing everything that she had learned so far about this world: their government structure, the political unrest, the command structure of the military, the vertical maneuvering gear, the current military capabilities, the long-distance scouting formation, and…she had included a few lines in the lengthy note about Erwin. She described the strange agony that overtook her, speculating that it was perhaps suspicion. She had received a response nearly a month and a half later, after she had returned from her third expedition. Zeke had mocked her. She could hear his laughter through his written words. She could see certain areas where the pen had begun to shake, indicating his signature silent laugh, where he would just double over with a smile and shake. The only noise that left him was when he would inhale sharply after he was done. She missed his laugh. He had told her that what she was experiencing was nothing more than an innocent crush. Of course, she knew that by now. She had figured it out on the second expedition, when Erwin gently bandaged the cut on her arm. She wasn't sure how she got it, but she was secretly glad that she did. He carefully ripped her sleeve and cleaned her wound. He had asked her if she was cold, examining the goosebumps on her arms. She had said no, and he had raised an eyebrow at her, probably wondering why she was lying. Little did he know that it had been his touch that caused her to react in such an unreasonable way. Be reasonable. She had reminded herself when her heart fluttered at the feeling of his warm breath on her arm as he used his teeth to begin a tear in the excess gauze.

The simple moments between them were heaven, at least for her, and she found herself dreaming about them again in the midst of her paperwork. She shook her head. It had been happening far too often. Her hand would stop writing, and while she had every intention to stop only long enough to think about her next phrase, she would drift off into her thoughts, reminiscing about the small, accidental touches shared between her and Erwin. She read over her last two sentences again. Engaged with titan extremity (left hand) prior to nape due to extenuating circumstances. Squad Leader Erwin Smith was rendered immobile at the moment of engagement. She shut the folder. It was the last encounter she had to outline.

Cassandra made her way down the hall and knocked on a door.

"Come in." Erwin's voice called out. She stepped into the room.

"Have you eaten yet, squad leader?" Erwin paused and glanced up from his paperwork as if he were trying the remember the last time he had eaten at all.

"No, not yet." he admitted. He returned to the pile in front of him. It was already so late into the night. Most of the soldiers had finished dinner and returned to their dorms.

"I'll bring you a plate." Cassandra said, retreating from his room. She gave him no opportunity to object. He wouldn't have anyways. She often checked on his well-being, and when she found that he had been neglecting his appetite, she would bring back her plate as well, eating with him in silence. Admittedly, it had spoiled Erwin a bit. On days when she would eat with Keith, he often found himself waiting for her reminder to eat. He would feel his stomach growl well past midnight, and he would opt to go to bed hungry, telling himself that he would just eat a larger breakfast in the morning.

Erwin found himself thinking about his executive officer a lot, especially on nights when he went to bed with an empty stomach. He wondered why she was so stoic. He wondered how she could remain that way under the most stressful circumstances. Nothing seemed to catch her off guard, at least not in any noticeable way. Nothing made her smile. Nothing made her frown. Nothing seemed to harden or soften her eyes. They were always neutral, just like the rest of her. They certainly are beautiful, though. He opened his eyes, wondering what possessed him to think such a thing. When he closed them again, he saw her in his mind's eye. Her hair was black silk. Her eyes were glittering emeralds. Her lips were glossy rose. Her skin was light honey.

It was a strange feeling, disparately similar to feelings he had experienced in the past, but completely new in its entirety. Erwin was rarely famished before he met Cassandra. When he was hungry, he would eat. When he was thirsty, he would drink. When he ached for release, he could usually find it between the thighs of a stranger. He was a well-fed man. Even when all else had been satisfied within him, he felt a similar craving for Cassandra. It was like hunger in that he knew he needed to satisfy it for his own well-being. But it was far more intense. It was like thirst in that it satiated an addiction in him. But it didn't feel nearly as destructive, nor did it leave his head pounding in the morning. It was like lust in that he admired the same qualities in her as he had in his other conquests. But he did not feel like he should conquer her. He wasn't sure it would be right. He wasn't even sure if it was even possible. In many ways, he saw her as something mythical—a goddess of sorts—and he couldn't imagine a goddess being so human. They were always birthed from the light of the stars, or spun from gold-leaf, or stone given life by the breath of the wind. Those origins seemed far more fitting for the girl discovered outside the walls with no memories. And goddesses never entangled themselves with mortal men. They couldn't. They were light, they were gold-leaf, they were stone, and he was just flesh. It was inconceivable. Any thought of Cassandra that Erwin held was laced with innocence. It was a quality inseparable from her.