Author's Note: Alright, chapter 8 took a little bit of smoothing out, but I went through and wrote out the rest of the story yesterday (or the bullet points at least). At least now I have a little bit of a direction (kind of). Thanks to Empryexl for the review! It is kind of messed up how Eren got the childhood that Zeke never really did, huh? C'mon Grisha. You gotta do better man.

Chapter 8

Year 844:

Erwin had never had a problem focusing. He was easily the most focused soldier of his graduating class at the Training Corps. Nothing could distract him from his mission. It was perhaps the reason for his rank as valedictorian. He was sharp, observant, attentive. But the former valedictorian found himself with a unique issue in concentration today. In fact, now that he thought about it, it had been happening for quite a while. He tried to tell himself that the closer he edged to thirty, the more issues like this he would face. Of course, that wasn't exactly true. He was just distracted—preoccupied with her.

What had been the reason for her tears? What had her feeling so alone and vulnerable through the last few months? It had to be something serious. It had been such a long time, and she was just now starting to show signs of improvement—at least to Erwin. After all, he was the one who counted each of her mournful nights. He was the one who kept a mental tally of her sorrow. He was the one who ached for the goddess.

Was it abuse of some sort? He had heard about it in other branches of the military. His friends had told him about women in the Military Police Brigade being coerced into sexual relationships by their superiors. He had heard similar things of the Garrison. He had never heard of it in the Survey Corps—at least not in recent times. It was a different world. Soldiers in the Survey Corps depended on each other so heavily for survival. The last thing a superior officer wanted was for a subordinate to leave him in the grips of a titan because he had once put her in a similar position of powerlessness.

Erwin sighed, shutting the folder on his desk. No, he wouldn't be getting any work done until he addressed his distraction. He stepped across the hallway into Keith's office, unsure of how to start the conversation.

"I think something is wrong with Cassandra." The words slipped out clumsily. Keith's brow immediately furrowed at the perceived slight against his precious daughter. "I think someone might be hurting her." he clarified.

"What? Who?" Keith's rage was immediately redirected toward an enemy Erwin could not name.

"I'm not sure. The last few months, I've heard her crying a lot through the night. I started checking in on her, and while she wouldn't really let me see her face, we talked a little through her door and she just seemed…hurt. I thought I should let you know." Erwin shifted his weight awkwardly from one foot to the other as the commander scratched his chin in thought. Worry lines were prominent across his tanned forehead now. His eyes bore into the ground, racing with a million thoughts.

"I'll check on her." he finally said. Erwin nodded, turning to leave, but stopping and pivoting back to Keith.

"Don't tell her that I told you. I don't want her to think I betrayed her trust." His request was met with a simple nod.

Cassandra laid in her bed, not quite able to sleep, but unwilling to get up and move around. She had been feeling like this more and more often, especially when she thought about her family. She couldn't go a day without thinking about how much she missed Zeke. It was painful to be away from him and getting harder every day. She felt pain for her mother as well. Was she still out there? Had she been killed by the Survey Corps a long time ago? She needed the closure. Then there was her father. Cassandra pulled her knees close to her chest and hugged them as she laid on her side. A soft knock on the door interrupted her.

"Come in." she said softly, sitting up straight on the bed. Keith walked in, giving her a weak smile before pulling the chair away from her desk and situating it in front of her. He sat, taking her hands into his.

"I want to apologize to you, Cassandra." he started, keeping his eyes on her hands as he stroked the tops of them with his thumbs.

"Apologize?" She tilted her head at him, unsure of what wrong he had committed against her.

"I'm always so busy…. In everything I wanted to do for the Survey Corps, I neglected to make time for you." He glanced up at her, examining small motions of surprise on her face—the slight twitch of her brow, the slight part of her lips, the slight squint in her eyes. They were tells Keith had worked hard to recognize, and ones that went unnoticed by most. He waited for her response, but Cassandra wasn't entirely sure how to respond. Zeke had often said to her that he had disowned Grisha as his father, and called himself Grisha's former son. She had always thought it was a harsh stance, but she understood it more now. She had always thought of herself as disowned by her father, but perhaps she had been the one to cast him aside. She threw her arms around Keith's neck and hugged him tight. It was a rare gesture, one that had been reserved almost exclusively for her family.

"You've been a wonderful father. A better one that I ever hoped for." Cassandra whispered. It was honest. For so long, Cassandra just wanted her father to be proud of her. She just wanted to live up to his expectations. It didn't matter that Grisha didn't know her favorite tea. It didn't matter that she rarely saw him. It didn't matter that when she did, he kept her at arm's length. It would have all been okay as long as he told her he loved her. Keith had given her that and so much more.

"I'm glad." he whispered back. "Promise me you'll come to me if you ever need anything—if you're ever in trouble." It was an odd request, but one Cassandra was happy to oblige.

Erwin's face felt hot. His vision was blurry when he opened his eyes, but he could make out Cassandra's face. She was so light. Even straddling him, he barely felt her weight on his body.

"Is this a dream?" he asked groggily, enjoying the view of her smile.

"No." Cassandra replied, leaning forward, tempting him with her lips. "You're awake." He lifted his head, parting his lips to capture hers in a passionate kiss. Then, suddenly, between the slow blinks of his eyes, she was no longer straddling him, no longer centimeters from his face. Instead, she was innocently standing by his bedside, gently pushing his shoulders back down. There was no smile, just Cassandra as she usually was: immovable as diamond. "Don't try to get up yet, sir. Your fever is still very high." She wiped his forehead with a cold, wet cloth.

"It was a dream." Erwin mumbled, leaning back and suddenly recalling his predicament. It was his third day with this damned fever. His executive officer had been caring for him, just as she always did. "Goddesses don't kiss mortal men." He didn't mean to say it out loud, but he was too exhausted to care. Besides, he was sure she would just write it off as the incoherent ramblings of a sick man.

"Get some rest, sir." she replied. So, that's exactly what Erwin did. He drifted off to vague memories of her spoon feeding him soup, wiping down his forehead with ice, and gently tilting a cup of water into his mouth as she held him up. When he woke later that night, his vision wasn't blurred, his head didn't ache, and he felt hunger—with a boost of energy that allowed him to actually get up out of bed. He stepped out of his room and smiled at the sight in his office. Cassandra sat in his chair with her arms on his desk, cradling her jacket which served as a makeshift pillow for her head.

Erwin shifted his focus to the owl that sat next to her, occasionally pulling on a lock of her hair. He frowned, wondering how she could love a raptor. He had often seen it swoop down from the trees, driving its sharp talons into an unsuspecting mouse that began to scurry away just a little too late. It would carry its prey into Cassandra's room, perching up on the window sill and tearing apart the little creature with its sharp beak. When the deed was done, she could often be seen coming in behind the bird, wiping up the blood and tufts of fur that it had left behind. It was strange to see such a gentle, careful creature love such a predatory one.

He sighed, running his hand across her back. She stirred just a bit and he opted not to wake her. She had been at his side for the last three days without rest. It was time for him to return the favor. He lifted the small girl into his arms and carried her to her room, with the owl in close step, observing Erwin's every movement. It perched up onto her window, staring at him as he carefully placed Cassandra into the bed. It hooted at him softly as he removed her boots and her body harness. She instinctively pulled the covers over her far less restrained body and pulled herself into a tight ball.

"Get some rest, Cassandra." he whispered to her, just as she had to him for many nights. Her hand reached out from under the covers, grabbing his before he could pull away. Her could see her eyes shifting below the lids, indicating her dreaming state.

"Don't go, Zeke." she whispered.

"Zeke?" Erwin asked, unfamiliar with the name.

"I miss you." she replied.

"Cassandra, who is Zeke?"

"I love you." The words were harder to hear than Erwin thought they would be. They shouldn't have been difficult to hear at all. There was nothing between him and his executive officer. Why did it bother him so much? So much, in fact, that he forgot all about his hunger and immediately returned to his office to toil through military records. Who was Zeke? Was he a current soldier? Was he a soldier they had lost on a previous expedition? Was he a friend? Was he a lover? When the archives gave him no answers, he figured some consultancy was in order.

The morning came slowly. Erwin had refused to sleep amidst the mystery. Upon the first light of dawn, he hurried to Keith's office, figuring he would be up early as well.

"Zeke?" Keith asked. "I've never heard that name."

"She said she missed him and loved him." Erwin responded. "I wonder if this man has something to do with how she's been feeling." It wasn't entirely dishonest, but Erwin still felt a pang of guilt. The truth was: he was jealous. He was so used to being the only man in Cassandra's field of vision. She worked tirelessly for him, and while he had never assumed that she held a deeper affection for him, he had never entertained the idea of her holding a deeper affection for any other man either.

"I think I know who I can ask." Keith stood, grabbing his jacket from the coatrack.

"Who?" Erwin inquired.

"Cassandra was close to a girl—Beth. Her father is a soldier in the Survey Corps. They spent all their time together while we were out on expeditions. If anyone would know, she would." Keith stopped before grabbing the door knob, pivoting to meet Erwin's gaze. "When is your squad leaving for the Underground?"

"Later this afternoon."

"Let's talk after you've captured Levi." Erwin scoffed at the comment.

"If I can capture Levi." he corrected. It was a far cry from a perfect plan, but he didn't mind. He was a bit of a gambler.