Gwaine's True Love

The first two lines of dialogue in this story are taken from Season 5, Episode 6 'The Dark Tower', where Gwen jokes about Gwaine being in love with himself. Whilst watching the episode, I thought 'What if Gwaine had been in love once, and has never forgotten the girl?'. This short story is the result. I hope you all enjoy it and that everybody reading has a wonderful Christmas!

Disclaimer: I don't own 'Merlin' or any of the characters.

….

"Do you know who Gwaine's in love with?" Elyan asked teasingly.

"Himself", the Queen said without hesitation, glancing back at Gwaine with a playful grin. The knights laughed and Gwaine forced a smile, but his heart wasn't in it.

He knew that his friends thought that he was a flirt, incapable of being involved in a serious relationship, but that wasn't true. The reason he was such a flirt was because he was afraid of being involved in something serious. He had tried that kind of relationship before, and it had only ended in heartbreak.

That was when he had started drinking; to forget the pain that the loss of his one and only real love had caused him. They had been engaged. They had been in love. And she had died.

Her name was Eleanora, and she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her hair was long and fair, cascading in soft ripples down her back, and it glowed in the sun like finely spun gold. Her eyes were wide, a bright, emerald green that danced when she laughed, and her eyelashes were long and soft on his cheek. She had a tinkling, silvery laugh, which automatically made people smile and look up, hoping to catch a glimpse of the person the sound had come from. She was bubbly and bright, endlessly cheerful, and everything about her seemed to sparkle with life and love and happiness.

It had been the plague. She had gone home to visit her family, and found her younger sister Emilie terribly ill. She would not accept that she was in danger, and did everything she could to help her family. The one thing Gwaine was glad of was that, when Emilie finally passed, Nora was too sick to realise.

When she had contact with her family she had been quarantined with them. A large red cross was painted on the door, warning people of the plague, and he hadn't been allowed to see her. When he heard that she had died, he didn't believe it. He had rushed to the house, hoping that it wasn't true, but her mother at the window, tears running down her cheeks, gave him the confirmation he so desperately wanted to be untrue. They wouldn't even let him in for a last glimpse of her. Oh, he had seen the body, when they carried it out to be taken away on the cart. Her beautiful hair was tangled and unkept, and her eyes stared vacantly upwards, igniting an even greater sense of fury and loss in the young man. They hadn't even had the decency to close her eyes.

He looked at her and felt shock, and disbelief, and a deep, aching sadness that echoed through his body, making him long for death. She had been so full of life; he couldn't believe that she had died.

There was no point staying after that. Eleanora was dead, and he had no living relatives, save for his older sister whom he hated and who was living far away. So he had ridden off, on the horse that he had taken her for rides on. He stopped at the first tavern he came to and drank until his chest burned and the ache had dulled a little. He drank and drank, anything to ease the pain that throbbed within him like a pulse, and after he had drank more than he ever had in his life he stumbled out of the tavern and passed out in the stable.

He never forgot her. That was part of the reason he never had serious relationships with women. It was the reason he wandered so much, trying to escape from his own pain. By the time he met Merlin and Arthur and came to live in Camelot, the pain had lessened. He still felt the sorrow that Eleanora's death had caused him but it was duller, and he was able to enjoy life in spite of what he had lost. In Camelot, he had a purpose. He didn't need to pretend, to act like he wanted a serious relationship. As a knight, he wasn't expected to. He could flirt as much as he liked, but nobody cared that he didn't mean anything by it. His heart belonged to someone else, even if she was long gone.

He would never forget her. And when he took his last breath, he knew that she would be waiting for him on the other side.

…

Merry Christmas everybody! Hope you enjoyed this chapter.