Until the Last Breath Leaves My Body

by Camelotpointe

A collection of short stories about the characters of 'Merlin'. Includes friendship, drama, comedy and more! Chapters 50 - 53: Too Much to Bear - Merlin is overwhelmed and struggling to cope with the weight of his responsibilities and the secrets he is forced to keep. Gwaine and Arthur are worried about their friend and try their best to help.

31. Loathing the Knighthood

Loathing the Knighthood

Summary: Sometimes Gwaine hated being a knight.

Disclaimer: Sadly, I do not own the TV show 'Merlin' or the character Gwaine.

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Sometimes Gwaine hated being a knight of Camelot. Not for the reasons which one would expect, either – there was only so much you could drink and so many women you could flirt with before wanting to settle down in one place, and he didn't mind if he frequented the tavern a bit less often than he had in his wandering days. No, the part that he hated was how many friends were lost. He was closest with the original Knights of the Round Table, who were all among Camelot's finest warriors, but everybody died sooner or later and there were some odds that no man could win against. Since becoming a knight, Gwaine had ridden out on many journeys, patrols, quests and hunting trips, and although he and his comrades were not attacked every time they rode out, it still happened far too often for his liking. Gwaine had seen many good knights felled by a well-aimed blow, or crumble under the sheer weight of numbers. He was not afraid of death, although he prayed that when it did come it would not be slow and painful, but in some heroic act where the loss of his life would mean something; would help another to survive or some battle to be won. He was not, and had never been, a coward. But despite his jokes and irresponsible behaviour, he was intensely loyal and felt the loss of each and every fallen comrade more keenly than if he himself had received the blow which had ended a life.

There were perks to being a knight, of course. The banquets were magnificent, and he and Percival had discovered a grate directly above the kitchens from which food could be stolen, although the cook hated them both with a passion. He had true friends here in Camelot, the best he had ever had, and he was respected and liked by all of the villagers. He also had his own chambers within the castle, and lived in them rent-free, due to his status as a knight. When he thought about these things, Gwaine felt that coming to Camelot had been the best decision of his life. But when he remembered all of the friends he had lost along the way, he wondered if it was really worth it.

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