If I Don't Die

This short story is set in 'The Death Song of Uther Pendragon', episode 3 of season 5, so there are some spoilers for this episode. This is a different take on the scene where Arthur tells Merlin to drink the potion first so he can make sure it's safe.

Disclaimer: 'Merlin' doesn't belong to me.

…

"The potion will allow you to see Uther in his spirit form", the physician told them. "Once you are in his presence, you must blow the horn. It is the only way you can force him to go back to the spirit world."

"Is it safe?" Arthur asked dubiously, wrinkling his nose at the yellowish-green liquid. Gaius opened his mouth to confirm that it was, then reconsidered.

"I can't say I'm entirely sure", he admitted. Arthur pulled a face, but raised his vial, watching Merlin carefully. The servant lifted his own vial to his lips, then noticed the King's gaze upon him and paused.

"What are you waiting for?" He asked suspiciously.

"To see if it's safe", Arthur replied seriously. Merlin looked to Gaius for confirmation, then back at the King.

"So, if I don't die, you'll take yours?"

"Precisely." Arthur agreed, his gaze fixed on Merlin. The servant paused, unsure whether this was some sort of joke, but his friend's eyes were completely serious. "Get on with it", Arthur prompted him.

The warlock raised the vial to his lips, downing the foul liquid in one gulp. He swallowed, squeezing his eyes shut at the taste, then looked back up at Arthur. The King appraised him, as though waiting for some sign that the potion was unsafe. Merlin shrugged, as though to say 'It's fine.' Suddenly, his eyes widened and he stared at Arthur with what could only be described as panic. He held the King's gaze for only a second, blue eyes meeting blue, before collapsing off the chair and onto the floor.

Arthur's froze, his face fixed into a mask of shock, before springing off his chair and to his friend's side.

"Merlin!" he cried, shaking his friend by the shoulder. "Merlin, come on." The manservant's eyelids fluttered, and he opened his eyes, gazing up at the King's anxious expression. "Don't drink yours", he whispered hoarsely. Arthur stared in horror as Merlin's eyes lost focus and his head dropped to the floor. Then Gaius was by his side, urging him to pick Merlin up – quickly, quickly, but gently – and hurrying towards his chambers. Arthur ran, cradling Merlin's lifeless form to his chest and praying that his friend would be alright. How could he have been so stupid? How could he have forced Merlin to test the potion first? It was he who had insisted on seeing his father one more time, he who had released Uther's spirit into the human world. He should have been the one to drink the potion. Merlin gave a gasping breath, his face pallid and drawn, and Arthur was forcibly reminded of the time, so many years ago, when Merlin had drank the Mortaeus poison to save him. That had been only months after Merlin had become his manservant, long before Arthur would have admitted their friendship, but years later, Merlin was still saving his life. Why was it that those closest to him always seemed to suffer?

Arthur was wracked with guilt as he gently lay Merlin down on the physician's bed. It was true that Merlin was one of his closest friends and most trusted advisors, but lately he had been treating the man less like a friend and more like a servant. It seemed that since their disastrous first meeting the pair had grown closer and closer, but recently, Arthur realised, he had pushed Merlin further away. He had Guinevere now, and the knights, but that was no reason to ignore his first true friend, without whom he probably would not have his Queen or loyal knights.

As he thought about it, it stung him to realise just how little time he had spent with Merlin over the past few months. Oh, he had spent a lot of time with him if you counted the chores that Merlin did for him – he saw his servant every day – but not true, quality time. They still engaged in the playful banter that was a trademark of their relationship, but the King couldn't remember the last time he had sat down and had a proper talk with Merlin. Of course he was busier now that he was monarch, but that was no excuse to neglect his friend. And Merlin had seemed tired lately. That he had noticed, but somehow never got around to asking his friend about it. Now that he thought about it, the servant had also been quieter than usual in the recent weeks, and seemed pale and generally worn out. He should have realised. He should have asked his friend if he was alright. He should have made Merlin a priority, rather than pushing him to the side. His other duties were important, of course, but when he became King he had vowed to be there for his people and to help them as best he could. He had neglected to do this with Merlin, and now the loyal servant was paying the price for Arthur's carelessness.

….

I was disappointed in Season 5 as I felt that Arthur neglected Merlin in favour of the knights and Guinevere, and Merlin became more paranoid and isolated from the group in general. That was my main motivation for writing this, but it was also partially just me watching the episode and thinking 'What if the potion actually wasn't safe?'