The gates looked worn in comparison to how they had been when I was a frequent visitor of Mirkwood. I smiled to myself as I realized the effects that Thranduil's refusal to honor the alliance had on his kingdom. The strong magic that was once protecting the kingdom was nothing more than a whisper now. For centuries, the Dorian had aided in strengthening the barrier that protected Mirkwood. Without them, Thranduil's magic was not enough to sustain it to the degree that was necessary. As we waited for the gates to be opened, Elrond brought his horse up to mine.
"You must be on your best behavior." He said looking at me intently.
"Am I not always?" I asked.
Glorfindel and Erestor laughed as they looked at me. "Is that what you call your best behavior? I would put a little more effort into it if I were you." Glorfindel said smiling.
"I promise that I will be on my best behavior as long as Thranduil is on his." I replied pulling the hood of my cloak over my hair. "At the first sign of anything but that, I will not play nice."
Elrond sighed and looked towards the gates as they opened. Out of habit, I touched my neck and grasped my amulet. A group of royal guards made their way through the gates toward us. They placed their hands over their hearts as is customary and lowered their heads. "King Thranduil is awaiting you in his throne room, my lords and lady." One of the guards said to Elrond, Galadriel and Celeborn.
Elladan snickered beside me, and I jabbed him in the ribs with my elbow. "You are a lord. Act like it, elfling."
"Yes, Lord Ileana." He said smirking at me.
A smile crept over my face, and I had to place my hand over my mouth to keep from laughing. The guards led us through the gates and to the heart of Mirkwood. We handed our horses off to the elflings that were waiting to take them. The guards then led us to the entrance to Thranduil's throne room where we were stopped just outside the door.
"King Thranduil does not allow anyone but his guards and himself to bring weapons into the throne room. You will need to leave them here." The guard stationed outside the door said and motioned to a stone table to the right of the door.
"Someone is worried about an attempt on his life." I whispered to Elrond. "Though I would not need my blades to kill him."
Elrond shot me a look that warned me to be quiet. I shrugged and removed the belt that held my blades and placed it on the table. One of the guards looked at my weapons and glanced back at me. I smiled at him from beneath my hood, and he looked away quickly.
"Shall I escort you, my lady?" Elrond asked offering me his elbow.
"You are only offering so you can keep an eye on me." I said quietly as I took his proffered elbow.
"Indeed." The doors to the throne room opened, and we were motioned inside. I glanced up to the throne, and there sat Thranduil in all of his pompous arrogance. He looked uninterested in his new company as an elleth was feeding him grapes. In the throne room, there was also an audience of what I suspected to be the Mirkwood nobility. They looked much more interested in us than did the king himself. His kingdom may have changed, but he is the same. To my right, Celeborn cleared his throat, and the blue eyes of the Elven King settled on us. There was once a time that I would have had my breath stolen by those eyes, but that was a long time ago.
"Forgive me. I did not notice you had arrived." Thranduil's voice echoed throughout the silent room. He waved his hand at the elleth, and she retreated from the throne.
"The man is arrogant and self-serving." I hissed at Elrond.
"I will have you shown to your rooms." He said.
"That would be wonderful, Thranduil. The ride from Imlardis was long and tiresome." Galadriel said.
Thranduil nodded as his eyes scanned over our group. I felt his gaze land on me, and as it did so, Elrond's grip tightened on my arm ever so slightly. I heard Thranduil chuckle, and I looked up at him, making sure to keep the majority of my face hidden.
"Do not worry, Elrond. I have no interest in your elleth." He said. "Though why she hides her face is mysterious. Remove your hood, elleth."
"Perhaps not here, Thranduil." Celeborn said.
I saw Thranduil's jaw clench. "Remove the hood, elleth." His voice echoed.
I raised my hand to the hood and pushed it off my hair. As I did so, I locked eyes with Thranduil. Gasps and murmurs from the audience could be heard.
"What kind of magic is this?" Thranduil bellowed.
"It is no magic." I replied with a smirk. "The princess of the Dorian lives."
"The elleth that you speak of died centuries ago." He claimed.
"She was supposed to, but none could kill her." I said. "That does not mean that they did not try."
"She died." He said quietly.
"The elleth that you knew did die during that battle, but, from her ashes, came a stronger, wiser, and far less trusting elleth." I said.
"Perhaps we should move this to another venue." Celeborn said looking at Thranduil.
"Out!" Thranduil yelled at the nobles.
They hurriedly left the room to avoid the Elven King's wrath but not before a few of them stole a second glance at me. Thranduil stood and walked toward our group slowly before he stopped a few front from us. He turned to Celeborn. "What was your purpose in bringing her here?" He asked icily.
"She is the unnamed Elder that you and your people requested to know the identity of." He answered.
"No. Your intention was to mock me." Thranduil said glaring at Celeborn.
"You are a pompous fool! His intention was to mock you, was it?" I spat.
"Watch your mouth." He growled. "What right do you have to speak in such a way to your king?"
"You are nothing to me." I said. "You use the term 'king' as if it means something special. King of what? A dying, decrepit wood infested with spiders?"
Thranduil raised his hand to strike me, but when he brought it down, I caught his wrist. "You may have had my weapons confiscated but don't think for an instant that I need them to kill you." I said as frost traveled from his wrist to his elbow. "My bare hands will work perfectly."
"Ileana." Elrond said grabbing hold of the arm that held Thranduil's wrist.
I jerked my hand away from Thranduil's wrist, and the frost melted. "If you ever lay a hand on me again, you will regret it, Dorian." He ground out.
I laughed at him. "We shall see, Elven King."
"Let us retire for a short while. It is not good to have a conversation when tempers are flaring." Galadriel said softly.
"I agree." Celeborn replied. "Come along, Lea."
I glared once more at Thranduil before I followed the rest of our group out of the throne room. Once outside, I grabbed my weapons belt and placed it around my waist. One of the maids led us to our respective rooms. Elrond and I ended up having to share the same set of rooms but with separate bedrooms. Once we were inside, Elrond turned to look at me.
"You said that you would be on your best behavior."
"I said that I would be if he was on his. If you didn't notice, behaved he was not." I replied. "I do not see why I should be forced to hold my tongue when what I speak is the truth."
"You are not in his favor any longer, Ileana. Going against the Elven King is dangerous."
"Going against the Dorian princess whom he betrayed is also dangerous. Probably much more so."
"You do not need to cause any more of an uproar than you already have. Seeing you alive has already made quite the impression on the nobles. They will talk of the return of the Dorian-bred queen."
"I will never be his queen or theirs." I stated.
There was a knock at the door, and Celeborn walked in with an emotionless face. "I suppose you are aware of the nobles' thoughts on your return."
"I do not care what their thoughts are."
Celeborn did something so uncharacteristic when he grabbed my arm. "The return of the Dorian princess gives them hope that their home will be restored to its former glory."
I jerked my arm from his grasp. "Do you honestly think that I would waste my magic protecting this place? If Thranduil was so worried about his people being protected, he would have aided mine." I said angrily.
"Your ancestors made a pact with his. It is your duty to protect them." Celeborn said.
"A Dorian elleth is not bound to that pact until she is wed. The pact stated that only coupled Dorians would offer a part of themselves to maintain and strengthen the barrier. I will not spill my own blood to protect Mirkwood." I replied.
"Blood?" Elrond said as he furrowed his brow.
I glared at Celeborn and looked to Elrond. "Yes, blood. The only way a Dorian can aid anyone is with his or her own blood. Our magic is bound to our blood, and that is the only way that our magic can be used in other ways other than its intended uses. My people offered their blood to protect his kingdom to only be abandoned." I turned back to Celeborn. "You would have me become bound to this place in order to satisfy a few nobles? My mother, your half-sister, gave her life to maintain the barrier when it was crumbling!"
Elrond gasped and Celeborn looked away with a pained expression. "I may have been a child, but I knew what she did. It was what my people had done for centuries! They gave their lives to protect this place! What did we get in return? We were abandoned and left at the mercy of the orcs!"
"Ileana…" Celeborn said softly.
I pushed past him and walked out into the hallway, slamming the door as I went. Haldir was walking towards his room when I grabbed his arm.
"What is it, Lea?" He asked confused.
"You are coming with me, Haldir. I am angry, and I need to let off some steam. I am in need of a sparring partner." I said as I practically dragged him down the hallway and to the training grounds. I was surprised to see Elladan and Elrohir practicing along with Rumil and Orophin.
"Hello, Ileana." Elladan and Elrohir said in unison as they deflected Rumil and Orophin's blades.
Rumil and Orophin stopped and looked at Haldir. "Do you think you will be able to hold your own, brother?" Rumil asked.
"That is the question. There is no better elleth warrior than Ileana. To be honest, she's much better than many male warriors." Orophin said.
"Yes, March Warden, do you think you can hold your own?" I asked looking up at him.
"It has been a long time since we last sparred, but I am quite sure that I can manage." Haldir answered with a smirk.
"Let us see then, my friend." I replied pulling my blades and taking a step back from him.
"I will never be able to fathom how you can prefer those blades over a sword." Haldir said shaking his head.
"It is all about preference, March Warden. A sword is easily knocked away, but these blades are not because they are shorter and are kept closer to the body. There have been many times when I have witnessed a warrior disarmed and drove through with his opponent's sword."
"That may be the case, but using those blades, you have to get far closer to your opponent than an elleth ever should."
"I have not been in a situation as of yet that has put me in extreme danger solely due to my choice in weaponry. The way I see it is that anyone and everyone can eventually be in danger during battle whether they use a sword or a bow. If it has slipped your notice, Haldir, I don't let the possibility of death or injury smother me. If the Valar decide that it is my time to die then I doubt that the use of a sword could save me from my fate." I said. "I am but a mere elleth. What right do I have to try to challenge the decisions of the Valar?"
"That is a reckless way to view battle." Rumil said looking at me.
"How so? Is my lack of fear in the face of a battle considered reckless? No, it isn't. If anything, my lack of fear is merely just the personification of a weary and utterly broken heart." I said smiling slightly. "Have you never wondered what it would be like to be taken from this world while you were defending those that could not defend themselves? As reckless as you think it may be, dying in battle would be an honor for me."
"I agree that dying in battle is one of the highest honors, but you make it seem as if you would willingly give up your life." Rumil said furrowing his brows.
I sheathed my blades and ran a hand through my raven locks. "What kind of life is there for someone like me? Someone that has no family, no home. I am a mere traveler who forces her way into people's lives and their homes."
"You have a home, and you have a family." Elrohir exclaimed. "Does my father mean nothing to you? Does my grandfather mean nothing to you? What about Elladan and me?"
I squeezed my eyes shut before I opened them to look at him. "How can someone mean anything to an elleth when her heart is as cold as ice and as barren as a desert? How can someone so broken have anything without it meaning that she didn't gain it out of sympathy? If it has slipped by your notice, I am not the same person that I was back then. I am completely different. I am not warm or affectionate. I am just cold."
They all shared the same confused expression before that morphed into what I could only call silent fury. Making my mind up to not allow them the pleasure of intimidating me, I stood my ground.
"You have survived so much, Ileana. No one expects you to be the same person. If you were, I would venture to say that something was wrong with you before it all happened." Haldir said. "If it pleases you to know, I think nothing less of you now than I did all those years ago. If anything, you are stronger than you ever were. Tragedy births both strength and sorrow. You have been living with your sorrow buried inside of you for far too long."
"So you admit that I am broken?" I asked. "To be clear, there is no sorrow in my heart, only anger."
"We have been over this before, Ileana. You're not broken. You are just hurt." Haldir replied.
"I haven't felt a shred of anything since my people were slaughtered. Are you all too foolish to see that I am not fine? Do you think that I enjoy having to force myself to act happy and joke around?"
"Ileana, surely you must feel something." Rumil said.
"The only thing that lies in my heart is hatred and bitterness."
"That is not true." Elladan insisted.
"Why do you think that?" I asked.
"You are always smiling and making jokes. If you felt nothing, you would not feel the need to act as you do. You act that way so you don't cause anyone worry." He answered.
I glanced behind Haldir, and I saw a guard walking towards us. "Lady Ileana, the king requests your presence." The guard said looking fairly uncomfortable in his task.
I took a deep breath and snuffed out my anger. "Tell your king that I respectfully decline his request for an audience."
The guard's eyes went wide. "T-The king requests it so you must do so." He stammered.
"I said no." I replied calmly.
"Please, Lady Ileana. If you do not come with me, I will have to bear the brunt of his anger for failing him."
"Very well." I sighed.
I followed after the guard but turned around before we went inside. "If I do not come back, he either killed me or put me in the dungeon. If it is the latter, I would very much appreciate a key." I said smiling slightly.
I continued to follow the guard, gathering looks from the guards and servants roaming through the castle as I went. "And where is his lordship?" I asked.
"He is waiting for you in the throne room." The guard answered.
"Of course he is." I snorted.
The walk to the throne room felt much shorter than it should have. Once again, the guards at the doors stepped in front of me, preventing me from entering. "Your weapons please, Lady Ileana."
"Tell me. Is your king so worried for his life that he takes the most extreme measures possible?" I said looking at them curiously.
"It is not our place to wonder about the king's orders, my lady." The guard replied.
"Perhaps you should make it your place. Had you worried about his orders three centuries ago, your homes would not be infested with spiders, and Mirkwood would be a much better place for all those in it including your cold and dispassionate king."
"Prince Legolas rallied against the king in support of your people. He could not sway his majesty's decision." The older guard said.
"You bring hope to the people of Mirkwood, my lady." The youngest guard said. "I was but a child when you were to be queen, but I heard the stories of the strong and pretty Dorian princess. My mother was half-Dorian, and she would always tell me about the King Antiel and his son and daughter."
"Is your mother still alive? Do you have magic?" I asked.
The young guard shook his head sadly. "She and my father had an argument a few days prior to the slaughter, and she returned to her people. I am afraid that I didn't inherit any magic from my mother."
"I am sorry for your loss. As much as it is the King's fault, I am also to blame." I said as my eyes stung with tears. "It is the ruling family's duty to protect those that cannot protect themselves. I failed in my duty as a princess."
"No, Lady Ileana. You did not fail. Those scars that you bear are a testament to how hard you fought to protect your people." The other guard said and the youngest nodded in agreement.
"One cannot be told that they fought as hard as they could until that person draws their last breath trying to protect their people. Those that try their hardest to protect what they care for have not fought hard enough until they die in exchange for their lives." I replied.
"My lady, you did all that you could. Your people were warriors, and I am sure that they fought and died well." The older guard said.
"It is as he says, Lady Ileana." The younger guard said. "Do not despair over that which was not of your control."
"You do not understand. My father sent me away once he realized that we stood no chance against the orcs. The scars that I bear are not from protecting my people. They are from running under the orders of the Dorian king." I said quietly. "I took no damage while fighting alongside my father. These scars are from fleeing to only be caught by wargs and their riders."
"They left you for dead." The older guard whispered.
I felt a tear slide down my cheek. "Indeed. They left me there after they were finished brutalizing my body." I said. "From my perspective, death wouldn't have been worse than what I had to go through. I do not think anyone truly realizes what it is like to have your choices taken away from them until you are held down by your attackers while the other does as he wishes."
"I am sorry, Lady Ileana." The older guard said. "I cannot imagine what it must have been like for you."
"Please do not feel sorry for me. No matter how long ago that was, the wounds still seem fresh. Thank you for talking with me."
I handed my weapons to the younger guard, and he held onto them with care. "Not a scratch will come to the weapons of the Dorian princess." He said with a smile.
"I thank you for taking such good care of them." I replied as I wiped away unshed tears with my fingers.
"Lady Ileana, I shall escort you inside." The older guard said offering me his elbow.
"I cannot allow you to do that lest you suffer the wrath of the Elven King." I replied shaking my head.
"Nonsense, my lady. The king and I are old friends. Allow me to introduce myself. I am Maenor, captain of the guard."
I smiled slightly. "It is a pleasure to meet you, Lord Maenor."
He chuckled. "A princess should not refer to a lowly captain as a lord."
"What good are titles anyway? I hated people referring to me as a princess. The only thing that they saw was the daughter of a king, and I think that is what prompted me to train just as my brother did. I went into war, fighting alongside the men of my people. It was tough to convince my father of it, but once you ride out into the battlefield when the battle has already begun, you can't very well be sent away. Labels do not define who we are. They are only used to create barriers between those of noble blood or station and those who may be just as good as those who bear no noble blood." I smiled and slipped my hand into his elbow. "If we are ever alone, Maenor, you may call me Ileana as my friends do."
The younger guard pushed open the doors, and Maenor led me inside. Thranduil's eyes flicked over to me immediately while he maintained his stoic face.
"Maenor, what is the reason for you seeking entry into the throne room?" Thranduil's voice reverberated throughout the room.
"I am merely escorting the princess, my king." He said and bowed slightly.
I saw Thranduil's jaw clench as he pinned Maenor to the very spot that he stood with his eyes. Slowly, Thranduil stood up from his throne and stalked towards the both of us. "Why would she need an escort, Maenor? Do you fear for her?" Thranduil's voice took on the quality of a melody as the words left his lips. "Is the captain of my guard partial to the princess?"
"I am partial to her, my king. She is kind, and she is loyal to a fault." Maenor replied. "If you are asking if I am in love with her, the answer is no, my king."
Thranduil threw his head back and laughed. "Loyal? She is anything but."
"She has carried the deaths of her people on her shoulders for all of these years. If she were not loyal, she would not bear the guilt of their deaths and her self-proclaimed failure to protect them." He said.
"She should feel guilty. Did she not have a hand in the deaths of her people?"
"You are right. The guilt is my own to bear. I failed to protect those that could not protect themselves. It is a ruler's duty to protect their people." I said as I felt tears coming.
"Do not act so self-righteous." Thranduil spat. "What could you have done?"
"I could have died protecting them. I would have traded myself for an eternity of torment in order to save them." I said as a tear slid down my cheek. "The things that I endured were nothing compared to the loss of their lives."
Thranduil smirked. "And what did you endure that was so terrible?"
"When my father realized that there was no chance that we would win, he had his guards drag me from the battlefield with an order to have me taken to Imlardis, where I would welcomed as a survivor. We were followed by wargs and their riders. Azog was atop one of the wargs, and he ordered the guards to be executed in front of me. I pleaded with him to spare their lives and take my own instead. He refused, and I watched as the life drained from the eyes of my father's guards. The next thing that I knew, the Defiler had ordered his underlings to hold me down. I killed four of them before they managed to carry out his order. Once they were finished with my body, they left me for dead and close to death I was. I went back to where my people lay dead and lifeless. I wept over my father's body for the Valar only knows how long. He had taken six arrows before he was drove through with a sword. With the last of magic, I ensured that their souls would travel to the Halls of Mandos. After tearing myself away from the bodies of my people, I walked with my wounds for three days before I couldn't make it any further. Glorfindel found me and took me to Imlardis." I answered feeling tears slide down my cheeks. "I do not expect you to feel sorry for me. I don't expect anything from you, Elven King."
"If you did not want sympathy, why would you have told me all that?" He asked still smirking.
"You asked what I endured, and I told you. Believe me when I say that your sympathy would do nothing for me." I replied angrily.
"You have always been high strung. How did it feel to be put in your place, princess?" He said.
For a moment, I just stared at him before I swung my fist as hard as I could, and it connected with his right cheek. His head turned to the side from the force of it. "How do you think it feels to be raped?" I yelled. "What do you know of what it is like?"
He turned his head to look at me in fury in his eyes. "You do not scare me, Elven King."
"You dare lay your hands on me, you insolent whore?" He said and pushed my back into the doors and pinned my arms behind me. His hand closed around my throat, and he squeezed.
"As I said…you do not…scare me." I choked out.
"I see the fear in your eyes, darling." He grinned.
"You are mistaken." I replied.
He dug his nails into my neck as he squeezed. No doubt, he was breaking the skin.
"My king, please release her." Maenor said.
"Do not presume to think that you can ask of me something." Thranduil growled at the captain.
Suddenly, a haunted look came over Thranduil's face, and he released me. I fell to my knees gasping for the air that had been denied to me. I saw Thranduil's feet backing up away from us, and I looked up at his face. His face was a mix of emotions. The ones that were clear were horror and shock.
"Forgive me, my love." He said.
To say that I was confused would have been an understatement. He had just choked me, and now, he was calling me his love? I furrowed my brows as I absentmindedly ran the pads of my fingers over the indentations that his nails had left.
"Forgive you for what specifically? I am afraid that you have done many things that require an apology." I spat. "Forgive you for failing my people? For praising those that took me against my will? For choking me? Which is it?"
"For everything." He said quietly.
Maenor was looking just as confused as I felt. I brought myself to my feet and took a step toward Thranduil. "Why would I accept your apology? It was your decisions that led to the slaughter of my people. You not only disregarded an alliance that was made by your father, but you abandoned me."
"If I remember correctly, I tried to convince you to stay and not return to your people." Thranduil replied.
"You wanted me to abandon them is what you wanted." I replied. "You make it sound as if you did it out of love."
"I did." He said.
"You did it out of selfishness. There was no love in the request. If you had really loved me, you would have aided my people when I asked. What could I have done to convince you? I swallowed my pride and begged for your assistance! If that is not a sign of desperation, I do not know what is."
"You know that I loved you, Ileana." He all but yelled. "I wanted to keep you safe."
I clenched my jaw and glared at him. "You wanted to keep me safe with no regard toward my people. My people sacrificed their lives to protect this wretched wood! My mother spilled her own blood to protect your people yet you could not spare a few soldiers to aid us? I should have protested the alliance between the Dorians and the elves of Mirkwood. My people would still be alive, and yours…well, if you have no sympathy for mine, I do not see why I should have any for yours. What little is left of the barrier will soon crumble, and your kingdom will be overrun with spiders. Lorien and Imlardis will not send troops to your aid with one well-placed word from me. I will sit and watch as your kingdom comes crumbling down around you, and I will have my revenge for your part in the deaths of my people."
"There are women and children here!" Thranduil exclaimed.
"And were there not women and children that were killed when my people were slaughtered? I walked over numerous bodies of mothers cradling their children in their arms. We had been unable to get them out in time, and they perished." I said angrily. "Is your people's children worth more than mine? My people may have been outcasts because of the magic that we possess, but we did everything that we could to assist anyone and everyone that needed help. We had no qualms about helping anyone. If someone needed assistance of any kind, my father would send aid to them. If they needed food, he would take it from our own food stores. If they needed teachers or trainers, he would pull his people from his ranks in order to fill those positions. If people needed advice, my father's ears were always open, and he would do his best to give the best advice that he could. Who is worth more? A Mirkwood noble who does nothing but aid himself or a Dorian who would do absolutely anything and everything to lend a helping hand?"
"Your father was a fool." Thranduil said. "He should have worried about his own people rather than others."
I clenched my fists until I felt my nails cut into my palms. "A fool? Compassionate was my father. A fool was he not. One is a fool if they lend a helping hand to someone in need? Your father would have said that it was a sign of a well-balanced elf. I knew then that you were not your father. That was evident, but I didn't know just how different you were. Oropher would have you stripped of your title before he allowed you to call his friend and confidante a fool. I hope that he sees what you have become. The great Elven King is heartless and cruel even to those that he was supposed to love. He betrays those that are close to him easily and without a second thought." I said. "You will die a lonely death, and when you draw your last breath, I hope that you realize all of the mistakes that you made throughout your long existence."