Author's note: I have to make a brief disclaimer here. The rights to song in this chapter were first used in a cartoon from the 1980's; I don't believe it was ever released in any single by any artist, so I'll give credit to the studio, Fred Wolf Films.
What was the cartoon? Eh… PM me if you want to know.
Also, I want to say I'm rather surprised how well-received the last chapter was. I got a lot of good feedback even from folks who claim to be Catholic. In truth, I'm not anti-religious, but I do despise people who pervert what the Good Book says and twists the words in it in an excuse to spread hateful agendas. I feel this is hypocrisy at its worst. Ezekiel was meant to be a satire of people like that, and I trust I need explain no further.
Now that we've gotten that out of the way…
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In the last chapter, Hank mentioned Nibiru. This is a crazy conspiracy theory that a small percentage of mortals actually believe, but one that comes up every few years or so. It actually has some basis in fact, but not many actually know about it. I'll get into why in a minute.
Here's the story that is usually told. The believers think that Nibiru is some mad rogue planet that will eventually crash into Earth and bring about the apocalypse. None of these doomsayers can agree on when, but they all say it's imminent. The theory started with a crackpot named Nancy Lieder, who claimed that generous aliens had warned her that "Planet X" as she called it would crash into Earth in 2003. Another crackpot named Zecharia Sitchin, a known conspiracy theorist, claimed that ancient Sumerians were capable of space travel and had discovered a planet with an extreme elliptical orbit called Nibiru. (By the way, "Nibiru" is actually what the Sumerians had called Jupiter.) The two stories kind of got amalgamated together, and even though Sitchin denied he had anything to do with Lieder or believed that Nibiru meant the end of the world, it was too late… The myth of Nibiru had been created.
This only got worse when NASA thought they discovered a new planet in 1983. They later realized they had made a mistake and admitted it, but the thing is, nobody EVER believes a scientist when he makes a retraction of a scientific discovery. Mortals think scientists are gods or something, so when they change their stories, it must be a cover-up. Some even think governments are building bunkers to ride out the cataclysm in, so that they can conquer and enslave the survivors once it passes. (As if a bunker could protect anyone if it happened. The movie Armageddon was frightening because the asteroid was the size of Texas, when in truth, one the size of Houston would be enough to wipe out humanity. But a whole planet?)
Well, 2003 came and went, but this conspiracy theory still persists, with new dates being added each time old ones pass with Nibiru being a no-show. It was even part of the Mayan Calendar theory, which I'll get into later.
So where does this downright absurd theory have basis in truth? Atropis, that's where. Atropis was a planet that may well have destroyed the world by crashing into it, not by accident, but on purpose. It's a sentient undead entity with godlike power bent on the eradication of life, and five-hundred years ago may well have been the greatest threat the Shadowchasers faced.
Still, this happened long before anyone thought up Nibiru, and crackpots can rest assured, the Shadowchasers are busy enough making sure they are prepared to fight Atropus if it ever comes back to worry about building bunkers to hide in if Nibiru shows up. (A bunker would have less chance of saving you from the horrible fate the World Born Dead would cause than it would that of a true asteroid anyway.)
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CHAPTER NINE
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Smooth Criminal
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The next day, in Cincinnati, around noon.
There were three business that profited a lot from Shadowkind clientele: Breweries, wineries, and distilleries. Not to mention the distributors of all three businesses.
Elves savored fine wine enjoying most every type made by humans, particularly European. A dwarf who didn't like ale was unheard of, and they thought plain old beer was rather weak. Halflings preferred regular beer, having a taste for stout and lagers. Gnomes, being the adventurous types, liked mixed drinks and fancy cocktails. (If they went to a restaurant that had drinks like that, they'd usually order one they never tried before.) Orcs… Well, to tell the truth, this was the one thing they agreed with dwarves on, but they liked even stronger stuff, like old-fashioned rum. Not to mention that no Yokai worth his salt would turn down good Sake or rice wine.
Of course, these races also made their own. Elven vineyards could make incredibly strong wine, and not just from grapes; they knew recipes for apple wine and berry wine from very old tomes. Dwarves could brew fiery ales from malt that was hard to even grow, along with strong honey mead that was hard to find in modern persisted of stuff that the rulers of the Feywild had called feywine what they didn't share with humans, but not because they were selfish; the stuff was so potent, that even one goblet could get an ogre hammered. Supposedly, they kept the stuff locked up and took it out for special occasions.
Not to mention the spirits that were available in other planes and dimensions. As hard as it was to believe, the Prison Plane of Carceri (known as Tartarus to most) had some good vineyards, and even made something called heartwine out of razorvine, a bramble known for its knife-like, bladed thorns. (Probably the only thing razorvine was good for other than a barricade.) If you spoke to someone like Estavan, he could get that… He could probably even get the mead served in Valhalla itself you paid him enough and signed a disclosure form.
Truth be told, it was very hard to find a race of Shadowkind known for being teetotalers, and not only did these companies get lots of business from Shadowkind, but there were lots of bars and taverns that catered to them specifically.
Some were even more specialized.
Following the directions given to him by Rena, Ray and his two henchmen walked up to a quaint-looking place with a not-so-quaint name over the door.
"Bugman's Mug?" said one of them, looking at it.
"Just try to stay out of trouble you two," grumbled Ray, as he opened the door.
A second later, as they walked in to the sounds of laughter and the smell of pipe tobacco, Ray wondered whether or not Rena had sent him here to annoy him. This place, which had been built to resemble a medieval-style tavern, was certainly popular with dwarves. Beer and ale was being drawn by the bartender from old-fashioned wooden barrels, and the dozen or so dwarven patrons were chuckling while talking amongst themselves at wooden tables. (And seeing as this was only noon, this was obviously not the busiest time of the day.)
Still, there weren't only dwarves here. In the corner there were four guys who were a little shorter who had beards – but their beards were shorter than that of any self-respecting dwarf – dressed in colorful green and brown clothing with slouch hats, smoking from rather strange pipes. (It's hard to describe without a picture, but imagine a wooden smoking pipe the side of a walking stick in the general shape of a saxophone, which the smoker braces against his foot while sitting, smoking from the mouthpiece as one would that of a hookah, and you have a general idea.) Ray assumed they were leprechauns, and he knew enough not to start trouble with them.
Speaking of the bartender, she – yes, she – was the only human here, presumably. She was a tall, raven-haired beauty in a fancy red dress with a moderate amount of cleavage; she looked dressed more like someone who was about to attend a fancy dinner party rather than serve a bunch of rowdy dwarves. Of course, her incredibly dark eyebrows made Ray's two henchmen nervous.
"Boss, we're gonna wait outside…" said one of them, turning around.
"Get back here, Bert!" shouted Ray, grabbing him. "You scared of that?"
He pulled the two of them up to the bar, where the odd woman had been watching them.
"Uh, I was told you knew something about…" he started. "What happened in Green Bay a few weeks ago?"
"This have anything to do with a certain mobster who was, uh, rubbed out?" she asked.
She leaned on the table and smiled wickedly.
"You know something?" asked Ray.
"Nothing whatsoever…" she replied. "I don't know anything about any illegal activities…"
She leaned back against the wall.
"But I do listen to the folks who come in here, and you'd be amazed at the… rumors you hear after some people who aren't regulars have a few pints."
Ray looked her in the eye, and then threw a twenty-dollar bill on the counter. She picked it up, and looked at him with a far friendlier smile. Then she picked up a mug next to her and started drinking from it.
"You like to play billiards?" she asked between sips, motioning towards the other side of the barroom with a nod.
Ray looked, and the billiards room was clearly marked.
"What the…" he said.
"Why don't you go play billiards?" she said. "You might find something."
Ray sighed a little, then turned to his two henchmen.
"Bert, Paul, listen closely," he said, "don't talk to anyone, don't draw attention to yourselves, and if you must order drinks, limit yourselves to well-known brand names, got it?"
"Got it," said Paul.
Ray put his sunglasses on, and walked towards the billiards room, as the barmaid put the mug down, her smile, unseen to him, turning wicked again.
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Ray wasn't stupid of course. He cautiously edged his way towards the billiards room, expecting an ambush. (Not that he was expecting it more than usual, seeing as he had dealt with dwarves before, and they weren't the type to do that.) Still, there only seemed to be one guy in there, shooting pool by himself at one table…
He was certainly no dwarf; he was much taller. Taller than Ray, and far-more muscular too. Not to mention that he had no beard, and dwarves typically didn't wear their hair that long. (Red wasn't a common hair color for them anyway.)
Ray couldn't get over his shock. This was indeed the guy had killed Clem, and it seemed that Ray had known who the killer was all along. He just didn't know that this guy and the murderer were the same person.
The muscular guy looked over his shoulder.
"Hiya, Ray," said the big guy.
"Ferdinand?" shouted the gangster. "What are you doing here?"
"Eh… playing pool?" he replied.
"I can see that!" shouted Ray. "Why the fuck did you come back?"
"Who ever said I left?" asked Ferdinand. "Maybe I was just taking time off. And is that any language to use to speak to an old friend? Thought you be happy to see me."
"We haven't spoken in ten years," growled Ray. "What in the world happened? Why did you leave?"
"Uh, was I supposed to ask permission?" asked Ferdinand. "There was nothing in my contract that said I couldn't quit… I didn't even have a contract…"
"Ferdinand," replied Ray, "you know as well as I do you can't just ditch on one of Shroud's jobs and leave her with a mess."
"What do you think she'd do if I actually told her I was quitting?" replied Ferdinand. "See, I got brains, unlike the guys who actually did that."
"Listen Ferdinand…" said Ray, as he reached inside his coat.
Ferdinand only turned his head enough to look Ray right in the eye, but it was enough to send a chill down the thug's spine.
"If you're planning on drawing a gun on me Ray," he said, coldly, "you'd better be real fucking sure you're fast enough to put me down before I get my hands on you, or they'll have to check dental records just to identify you."
Ray shivered a little, the frightening encounter with Rena still on his mind, and he also remembered some things he had seen Ferdinand do. He stopped.
"What happened to Clem?" he asked.
"He died," replied Ferdinand.
"How did he die?" asked Ray, getting angry again.
"Someone killed him," replied Ferdinand.
He was about to say something else, but Ferdinand interrupted him.
"If what you really want to know is if I killed him, yeah."
"Why?" asked Ray.
"Someone told me too," he replied.
"So you're a hired gun now?" asked Ray.
"Well, if you wanna call it that…" replied Ferdinand. "I do other stuff…"
Let's try something else… thought Ray.
"Why did someone want him killed?" he asked.
"Waiting for him to die of old age would have taken too long," replied Ferdinand.
"You're just wasting my time," said Ray. "Look, it's no skin off my nose why someone wanted the bastard dead, but…"
"…but Shroud wants to know, and you do everything she says because you're chicken-shit," replied Ferdinand. "Not someone with guts, like me. Why do you think I left? I wasn't about to spend my whole life like you, with my lips locked to her ass."
He paused to aim the cue. Ray was getting angrier now, but he didn't deny it.
"Five in the corner…" said Ferdinand.
He shot, and the five rolled into the corner pocket. Then he picked up the chalk and started to use it on the cue.
"If you wanted to save time, you should have just not come here," he continued. "If Red Shroud wants something, tell her I said she can come find me myself or she can go to hell. And if you move that hand one inch further…"
Ray quickly moved his hand away from the jacket pocket again.
"You think you're very funny, huh?" asked Ray. "You haven't changed a bit."
Ferdinand chuckled a little, and leaned the cue on his shoulder.
"Actually, Ray, I haven't changed at all," he said. "You may not know it, but you only think things change a lot, when they actually change very little. What you think is a change is usually just the same beer in a different bottle. There's an old joke I remember from '95… How did it go? Oh right…
"Bill Gates dies, winds up in the hereafter, and St. Peter says he can't decide whether to send him to Heaven or Hell. So he tells Gates he's gonna let him choose. Well, Gates, being the egghead he is, thinks that sounds suspicious, and asks to see them first.
"So, St. Peter shows him Heaven first, and it's a nice place full of fluffy clouds, nice music, and cute cherubs, all that. Then he shows him Hell, which is a nightclub with music, booze, and hot babes where they're having wild parties…"
"Well, Gates says that Heaven looks okay, but he thinks Hell is better. Fine, right? Well, two weeks better, St. Peter goes to check on him, and Gates is being tortured by demons in a far worse Hell full of fire and brimstone.
"Now's the part where you get ready to laugh…"
He paused to shoot again.
"Gates demands to know why it changed, and St. Peter says, 'This is the real Hell. The old one was the demo version'."
"Ha, ha, very funny," muttered Ray. "That's an old one. Your point?"
"Actually it's older than people think," replied Ferdinand. "Before Bill Gates was around, you could tell the same joke by replacing him with whoever was running for President at the time, and the difference between the two Hells was the first being campaign polling results, and the second being the result of the actual election.
"Or just with replace him with a lawyer – everyone loves evil lawyer jokes – and have St. Peter say at the end, 'That was our summer program.' Or just make him some average schmuck who ends up in Hell, and make the first one tourism and the second one immigration.
"So you see, I really haven't changed much… I'm the same… Just with improvements. I mean, seriously… Used to be that I'd come to a bar like this, and I could only play straight pool or billiards, maybe snooker or carambole if they had the right table… Eight ball in the left corner…"
He shot, and the eight ball sank.
"But dwarves have a lot of other neat billiard games, and I've learned them since then. Like shuggy, dam-go, and pontun. They have some cool card games too, like triangle tops and skull rummy.
"Of course, the elves have much better card games like ArcoMage…"
"You've been hanging out with elves?" asked Ray, in disgust.
"You got a problem with that?" asked Ferdinand. "One thing I've learned from them is, they're a lot smarter than humans are. Well, at least humans like you. One card game that some of their bigwigs have is something called… Uh, knoliast, I think. One dame told me that you use a deck of more than a thousand cards, your hand size is randomly determined by a toss of several dice, and you'd need understanding of at least basic trig to keep score. Takes about a week to play a full game. She invited me to play once, but I turned it down…"
"Yeah, you don't even understand Duel Monsters very well…" chuckled Ray.
Ferdinand put the cue down and grumbled a little. Now he looked a little annoyed.
"Damn it, Ray," he said, turning around. "You're never gonna let me live it down, are ya?"
"You bet," chuckled Ray. "That c-note I won from you was enough to buy the DVR collection I wanted."
"You only won 'cause I was having a bad day," replied Ferdinand. "I could beat your sorry ass any day of the week."
"Oh, is that a challenge?" asked Ray.
Ferd rubbed his chin. Then he took off one of his fingerless gloves, and threw it at Ray's feet.
"Always have to make a big deal out of everything," said Ray. "Fine, anything to make a fool out of you again."
Ray quickly took something else out of his coat – the other side – about the size of a small iPad – and it clipped to his wristband, unfolding into a Duel Disk. Ferdinand responded with one of his own.
"By the way, Ray," said Ferdinand. "Money and DVRs are all good stuff, but I have another wager in mind… Something less frivolous. You still got the Maagardium Pass?"
"The one that lets you…" gasped Ray. Ferdinand nodded.
"Yeah, I've got it…" replied Ray, "but why the fuck would you want to go there?"
"None of your business!" replied Ferdinand. "You want to know the deal with Clem, and I want the Maagardium Pass… So…"
"All right! It's a bet!" shouted Ray.
Even if I lose, he thought, what do I care if this idiot wants to go there? He'll just end up like all the other jerks who tried.
He flipped the D-Gazer over his eye, and the VR link between them set as the digital symbols covered the pool hall.
At least I can still kick this muscle-bound bastard's ass this way, thought Ray.
(Ferdinand: 8,000) - - - - - - - - - - (Ray: 8,000)
"You challenged me," said Ray, as he drew, "so I think that means I go first…
"Heh, heh, heh… I summon Horus the Black Flame Dragon LVL4!" he shouted.
There was a small wisp of fire, and a man-sized Dragon with bird-like wings and features appeared. (1,600 ATK)
"But that's just a warm up, and 'warm' is the key word there… Level Up!"
The Spell Card formed, and with a loud cry and burning golden flames, a larger cross between a Dragon and a huge bird of prey with bronze armor and sharp, metal wings hovered in front of Ray. (2,300 ATK)
"Horus the Black Flame Dragon LVL6! I can't attack this turn, and since I want to do that ASAP, it's your move."
Ferd wasted no time in drawing, and then playing two cards, fitting one in his Spell Zoe and the other in his Field Zone.
"I'm setting a monster," said Ferd, "and then playing the Field Spell… Pandemonium!"
As the reversed monster appeared, the pool hall seemed to catch fire, the walls burning down as the air filled with foul-smelling smoke and haze. Sinister-looking archways appeared around them as the floor turned to a crimson, ribbed pattern with a pool of lava in the center.
Ray had seen this Field Spell before – multiple times, in fact, and it was clear what sort of monsters Ferd was using. Still, every time he saw this place, his heart beat a little more erratically. Even worse, Ferd had the look now, a look Ray remembered from ten years ago, one that usually meant he was done joking and got very, very serious.
Then Ferd set another card behind the monster. "Your move…" he said smugly.
"Oh, you got it…" said Ray, drawing a card.
"I'm summoning my little friend, Card Trooper," he said.
There were some loud beeps, whistles, and chirps, and a cute robot with guns for arms rolled onto the field using wheels. (400 ATK)
"Then I just have to chuck three cards from my deck, and this little guy gets a little more octane."
He took the top three cards from his deck, looked at them quickly, and then discarded them, and the small robot shot up to a score of 1,900.
"Scared, Ferd?" he said.
"You wish," replied Ferdinand.
"Well I'll bet…" said Ray.
A huge blast of black fire from Horus' jaws hit the set card, pulverizing the small monster.
"…NOW you are!"
"No I'm not, because you just killed my Archfiend Heiress," he replied, "and when that happens…"
A greenish bubble floated out of the lava towards him.
"…I get to take another Archfiend from my deck."
The bubble burst, turning into a card that fell into his hand.
"Any Archfiend?" shouted Ray.
"Yup, any," replied Ferd. Then he looked at Card Trooper and made a beckoning motion with his hand.
"Okay, you're asking for it!" yelled Ray. "Attack him directly, Card Trooper!"
The small robot's twin guns fired, striking Ferd in the chest.
(F: 6,100) - - - - - - - - - - (R: 8,000)
"Tickles a little," he said with a chuckle. "But fortunately…"
His Trap Card lifted up, and a small female imp with curved horns and a wand with a skull on the tip appeared with a giggle. (0 DEF)
"Since Heiress has less than 1,900 Attack Points, my Damage Gate brings her back."
"Shit…" said Ray. "I'm setting this card, then I'm ending, and then…"
A face-down card appeared, and he stabbed his thumb down.
"...which obviously means…"
Horus roared as its muscles bulged, and the golden fire grew brighter and stronger. It doubled in size…
Horus the Black Flame Dragon LV8 appeared in its place. (3,000 ATK)
"I think you know how this guy works," said Ray. "He can whack any Spell Card you try to play."
Ferd looked at Card Trooper as it sank to 400 points again. Then he drew, and played a Monster Card.
"Yeah, tell it to my Mad Archfiend," he said.
There was a cackling, insane laugh, and a gaunt Fiend with a mop of red hair, a sunken face, and an empty cavity with a skull inside the chest appeared. It lifted bony, sharp claws. (1,800 ATK)
"Not bad," said Ray. "But I can do better… Call of the Haunted, activate!"
His Trap Card lifted, and a tall, intimidating creature leapt through the floor, surrounded by crackling electricity, an android with a large cranium, goggles, and a metal grill for a mouth, wearing a black overcoat… This monster was only too recognizable…
"Jinzo!" shouted Ferd.
(2,400 ATK)
"You bet it's Jinzo!" laughed Ray, "and with him and Horus on the field, I just cut off your ability to use Spells and Traps. Still think I only beat you by luck?"
"Maybe not, but…" said Ferd. "Hey… More of a challenge… And so long as I've summoned Mad Archfiend… Attack his Card Trooper with Bone Splash!"
The Fiend let out a hideous laugh, and bone spurs launched from its chest like a spray of darts, embedding in Card Trooper's metal armor. It fell apart into small pieces of hot metal.
(F: 6,100) - - - - - - - - - - (R: 6,400)
"Not exactly how I'd have wanted it, but I still get to draw once," said Ray.
"Then move…" said Ferd, as his opponent drew, "and by all means, take your time, I got nowhere to go."
"Why sure…" said Ray.
He drew, then smiled broadly. He clearly seemed to be enjoying himself.
"You can't use Spells," he said, "but I can… And I have Shield Crush!"
The Spell appeared, and a wave of force rippled from it, hitting Heiress and smashing her.
"I know that destroying an Archfiend outside of battle triggers Pandemonium's effect and lets you get a weaker one," he continued, "but face it, there really aren't that many Level 2 Archfiends."
"True, I don't have any," replied Ferd, "but I can still use Heiress' effect."
Another bubble floated out of the pool, towards his hand.
"Well, then, I'll…" said Ray.
Horus looked at Ferd, smoke pouring from its jaws in anxious anticipation. Jinzo looked at him too, its expression, or rather, the lack of it, hard to determine.
"On second thought…" he said. "Maybe I should take my time. I'm not going to attack just yet… I think I'll summon my Cardcar D."
He threw the card on his Disk, and there was a squeal of engines as a sleek, blue car with a dragon-like insignia and the letter D on its trunk sped onto the field. (800 ATK)
"How long did it take you to save up for that?" asked Ferdinand. "Last time I checked, the only guys working for Shroud who made that much money were her groomer-guards."
Ray growled, but he really couldn't hold it against Ferd for saying that, because it was true. Red Shroud's had five henchmen who were with her at all times who were both bodyguards and personal beauticians, who could fix or change her hair, makeup, or clothing any time she demanded it. Not to mention provide a mirror whenever she wanted to admire herself. She was that vain. Some would call this an undignified job, but these five bodyguards were paid more than some criminals that other bodyguards were hired to protect.
"I'm sacrificing Cardcar D to draw twice," he said.
The car disappeared, and he made two draws.
"That means I gotta end now, but hey, I got nowhere to go…"
"You sure you trust those two jerks you have watching your back out there?" asked Ferdinand. "My opinion, Paul would turn his own mother in for a drink on the house."
Ray nervously looked towards the door… To be honest, Ferd was right about that too. All of a sudden, this didn't seem as fun right now…
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Outside in the main room, Bert and Paul were doing their best to keep inconspicuous and stick to the Budweiser. Still, one thing they couldn't help but do was gawk at the waitress. Probably because she seemed to be purposely trying to move seductively in such a way that they couldn't help but stare at her admittedly fine assets whenever they looked at her.
One of the four leprechauns looked over at them, and put his pipe aside.
"Looks like Neela has them hooked," he said.
"Dunno…" said another. "Think she needs help to land them?"
The first one who had spoken smirked. Then the other three put the pipes aside, and two of them switched them for violins – which clearly hadn't been there before – and the third for a concertina. (Which was a squeezebox instrument like an accordion, but smaller.)
All four of them stood up as the three with instruments started to play. It was a catchy, lively song, and everyone in the bar – Bert and Paul most of all – took notice.
"Neela!" laughed the fourth leprechaun.
The barmaid quickly grabbed a large mug and filled it at the spigot. Then what happened was something the two humans could not believe. The leprechaun ran towards the bar as she slid it down the bar towards him. He somersaulted as it reached the edge, catching the mug and landing feet first on top of the bar.
He hadn't spilled even a drop. He drank the contents in three gulps as Bert and Paul could only stare and the music from his brothers only got faster.
It only got crazier. Neela actually threw him another one, which again, he caught flawlessly. (How he got rid of the empty mug, they had no idea.) But he didn't drink it right away. Instead he started to sing:
"I raise my glass, I hum a tune, and suddenly Ireland's in this room.
"So gather 'round, to its health.
"Home-fiddle-dee-doorey!"
To which the dwarves all raised their mugs and responded:
"Home-fiddle-dee-doorey!"
"I smell the hills I used to roam, the cool wet marsh where heather's grown.
"I soon return when my work is done.
"Home-fiddle-dee-doorey!"
"Home-fiddle-dee-doorey!"
"I've traveled many continents, through towns and ports of consequence,
"But all and all, there's just one place for me.
"A pub can bring my dreams so near, so join me in a toast of cheer,
"And sing with me of home that I love so.
"I feel the breeze, the Irish air, and now the feeling is everywhere.
"So drink up boys, I'll soon be there,
"Home-fiddle-dee-doorey!"
"Home-fiddle-dee-doorey!"
"So drink up boys, help me there…
"Home-fiddle-dee-doorey!"
"Home-fiddle-dee-doorey!"
His brothers didn't stop playing yet. As the tune continued, he landed on one knee, put the mug to his lips and drank it in large gulps. Then he flung the empty mug back to Neela – which she caught – and as the music started to close, leaped off the bar with a backflip, disappearing with his three brothers in swirls of multicolored light as he landed.
The music didn't stop right away, but rather slowly died down, gradually. Bert and Paul just stared in silence for a minute or two. Then Bert put his glass down.
"You know something I haven't had in a long time?" asked Paul. "Cap'n Crunch."
Then he held his forehead and shook his head.
"Uh, lady?" he said to Neela. "I'm gonna need something stiffer than this…"
"Same here," said Paul, glancing at the back room.
Damn, what's taking him so long, he thought.
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Ferdinand drew, then from his hand of cards a shimmer came from the third one to the right. He took it.
"I sacrifice Mad Archfiend," he said, as the demon burst into shards of bone, "to summon Archfiend Giant!"
The lava pool started to bubble and churn, and a large, ogre-sized humanoid stood up out of it. He certainly lived up to his name, standing about eight feet tall with his arms crossed, with mauve skin and armor, along with wings, horns, and wine-red, shoulder-length hair. (2,400 ATK)
Crap, if he attacks Jinzo… thought Ray.
"I end my turn…" said Ferd.
Eh? thought Ray. What the sam-hill is he planning?
He drew, then looked at the card carefully.
Well this won't complete my combo, he thought, but it comes close…
"I use Burden of the Mighty!" he shouted, as the Continuous Spell rose behind Jinzo. "So your giant isn't so tough now… In fact, the tougher a monster is, the weaker this card makes it!"
The giant grumbled, and fell to an attack Score of 1,800.
"Jinzo, wipe it out with Cyber Energy Shock!"
The android palmed a globe of dark, crackling energy, and then hurled it, slamming into Archfiend Giant; its armor cracked and it toppled backwards before vanishing in dark smoke.
"You're next… Black Mega Flame!"
Horus spouted its deadly fire next, and for the first time, Ferdinand seemed to react… Not much, and he seemed more annoyed than hurt, but still…
(F: 2,500) - - - - - - - - - - (R: 6,400)
To Ray's surprise, when the smoke cleared, a horrid monster was in front of Ferd, a demon with mottled, armored, black skin, spikes protruding from all over, and six legs on its centaurian lower body.
"That's Tragoedia!" shouted Ray.
"Yup," replied Ferd. "I can get pretty good stuff from my salary too. Anyway, this guy's Defense Score is 600 for every card in my hand…"
He held up his hand, which had four cards at the moment. (2,400 DEF)
"Seems Heiress was pretty useful, dontcha think?"
"Ah, big fucking deal," replied Ray. "Burden of the Mighty reduces its Attack Score to 1,400, so it doesn't even come close."
"It can do other things besides attack…" replied Ferd.
Ray stopped. Then he remembered that card's other effects…He quickly set another two more cards into his Spell Zone, then played another Continuous Spell.
"Just to be on the safe side," he said, "I'll use Level Reset. We'll get to that later, if we have to."
He nodded to his opponent.
If he actually does it, this might take a while longer, he thought. Is he actually trying to stall?
Ferd grinned widely, showing flawless teeth as he did, then drew.
"I'm sending Imprisoned Queen Archfiend from my hand to the Graveyard!" he said, loudly.
As he tossed the card, Tragoedia locked eyes with Horus, and both glowed.
"By doing so, Tragoedia's effect activates, and a monster with the same Level as the one I discarded becomes mine. So since she's Level 8… C'mere, Horus!"
Foul black mist poured from Tragoedia's mouth and eyes, and then the stuff surrounded Horus, pulling the huge Dragon over to Ferd's side of the field.
"Yeah, well, I don't see what good he'll do you," replied Ray. "My Spell Card started to affect him as soon as he switched sides."
(2,200 ATK)
"I know," said Ferd, "so I'll get rid of him…"
The huge Dragon vanished into a shower of burning embers. Then the lava pool started to bubble and churn again, and a new Archfiend stepped out. This one had a violet metal exoskeleton – or armor, it was hard to tell – with a horizontal, ribbed pattern, large metal shoulder guards, gantlets, boots, and a horned helmet. Its face was skull-like. (2,500 ATK) – (1,900 ATK)
"And by summoning Archfiend Commander this way, I get to summon a Level 6 Archfiend from my Graveyard in Defense Mode. Good thing I have one."
The Giant appeared again, this time kneeling and wrapping its wings around itself. (1,600 DEF)
This guy is starting to get annoying… thought Ray.
"Your move, old friend," said Ferdinand, in a sarcastic tone.
"I'll show you 'old friend'," said Ray, making a draw. Then he laughed when he saw it and turned it forward.
"Take a look at this, you big cum-dump!" he shouted.
"Is it really necessary for you to cuss so much?" sighed Ferdinand.
Ray stopped laughing.
"What the fuck are you talking about?" he shouted. Then he played the card, and a fierce saber-tooth tiger with armored barding appeared next to Jinzo. (1,700 ATK)
"Horus, Jinzo, and King Tiger Wanghu, in the same deck, huh?" asked Ferd with a sigh. "I'm so scared."
"Oh like you could do better wise-ass?" Ray snapped, both of his monsters glowering (well it was hard to tell with Jinzo since glowering was more or less it's default setting).
"Well, let's see…" said Ferd, starting to count off on his fingers. "If I really wanted to build a Lockdown Deck, I could use Great Shogun Shen, Legendary Six Samurai – Shi En, Angel 07, Naturia Bamboo Shoot, Dark Simorgh with Anti Spell Fragrance…"
He noticed that Ray was seething in rage, a blood vessel in his head about to pop as he was barely listening.
"I could name more," continued Ferd. "But yeah, no disrespect to any of those guys considering even today they're still lethal in tandem, but you're not going to sweep me off my feet with a deck strategy you ripped off a magazine article."
"Ah, save it!" shouted Ray. "With him on the field, any monster you summon with an Attack Score that's 1,400 or lower will be torn to pieces before you can use it, and with my Spell Card, summoning anything stronger ain't gonna be easy. But first…"
Wanghu roared, leapt, and pounced on Tragoedia, making a swipe with its claw, and ripping it in half. Then, Jinzo's energy blast shot at Archfiend Commander, and the armored fiend shattered like broken pottery.
(F: 2,000) - - - - - - - - - - (R: 6,400)
"Huh… weird…" said Ray. "I use the Spell Card Level Modulation. You draw twice, but I get to bring someone back, and I think you'll recognize him…"
Ferd shrugged as he made two draws, and Horus' glowing eyes loomed behind Ray. It flew out of the shadows and looked at Ferd and Archfiend Giant.
It didn't look happy. (3,000 ATK)
0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0
In Shadowchaser Headquarters, Jabels was typing at his computer screen in a large control room. A beeping sound came from a monitor next to him.
He quickly turned on that monitor, and the face of the woman he had referred to as Ms. Phelps appeared in holographic form.
"Any luck, Jabels?" she asked.
"Well, Delores," replied Jabels, "yes and no. First of all, that phone number and email Felix gave me have both been discontinued, and the name was clearly an alias…"
"They must have figured out Felix was onto them," replied Delores.
"They probably skipped town right away just in case," said Jabels. "But don't worry, I was able to find out where the phone number was before it was discontinued. It was at a rented office in Prague, which was being used by someone named Dominic Falm.
"He's no longer there of course, but this guy, whoever he is, left a paper trail that hasn't gone cold yet… Maybe I can find just where he is…"
"Good luck…" said Delores. "Anyway, I've run a barrage of detection tests on that… marble thing that Dugan sent us, the one found with the cake.
"The results are… Well, it has a moderate magical aura, school unknown, moderate moral and ethical auras, alliances unknown, a small divine aura, source and domain of which unknown…"
"In other words, it's giving you the same problems that artifacts do?" asked Jabels.
"Well, that's the strange part," replied Dolores. "While an artifact's auras are unreadable, they tend to be very strong. If you want my honest opinion, I think this might be a device that's meant to enhance or modify something bigger.
"Just what, it's impossible to tell. We could have found the gemstone that opens the Codex of Infinite Planes to the page detailing the Rain of Colorless Fire for all we know."
"Bite your tongue!" shouted Jabels. "Don't scare me like that!"
He looked at her, and the look on her face was one that showed she clearly realized that was a bad example.
"Don't forget… Someone else wanted that thing… If God forbid someone found the Codex who can use it and we have something they need, it would be hard sleeping at night…"
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"Had enough, dickbag?" asked Ray.
"You have one hell of an attitude, mister," said Ferdinand, his expression now far sterner.
He drew. Then looked at Ray hard.
"You haven't changed much either, you know? You're still the foul-mouthed, rude son-of-a-bitch you always were. And you know something? I'm not afraid now to tell you that the only reason I ever pretended to like you was because Shroud liked you more than she did me… But only because she likes bootlickers."
Then Archfiend Giant stood up into Attack Mode. (1,800 ATK)
"Going after my Tiger are you?" asked Ray. "Go ahead! The 100 Life Points I'll lose won't hurt a bit compared to what you'll lose on my turn."
"Actually, I'll deal with him later," replied Ferd. "For now, I summon Archfiend Cavalry."
There was a chilling, haunting whiney, and a skeletal, armored demon, riding a horse with barding that was also skeletal, galloped onto the floor of Pandemonium. (1,900 ATK)
"Crap, a member of the nineteen-hundred-club," growled Ray.
"You got it," said Ferd, "which means his Level is low enough for me to summon him but his Attack Score is high enough for him to survive being summoned with your Tiger on the field, barely."
(1,500 ATK)
Before Ray could question just what Ferd was up to, the Cavalry aimed its lance at Jinzo, and its Score shot up to 2,500. It urged its mount to a charge…
"HEY!" shouted Ray.
Then the lance speared the android through the chest in a shower of sparks, shattering as it did so. Still, it did the job. Jinzo fell over, the insides of its chest blowing outward as it hit the ground.
"HOW?" shouted Ray.
"Some big-name crooks gloat how a prison can't hold them, Ray," said Ferd. "But a small number of big-time crooks say that even if a prison can hold them, that's hardly a handicap at all. Remember my Imprisoned Queen Archfiend? So long as she's in my Graveyard and the field itself is Pandemonium, I can increase the Attack Score of a low-Level Fiend by a thousand points for one turn.
"Now for your Tiger…"
Archfiend Giant lifted his right arm, and a blazing spear made of green fire appeared in it, which he hurled at the beast. A look of panic appeared on Ray, but then he remembered one of his set cards. It lifted up, and while the Beast roared and the lance shattered, Wanghu didn't.
(F: 2,000) - - - - - - - - - - (R: 6,200)
"Safe Zone?" shouted Ferdinand. "That kind of defeats the whole purpose of a deck that uses Jinzo!"
"Who asked you?" growled Ray. "It worked, didn't it?"
"For now," said Ferdinand. "But it only protects him so long as Jinzo isn't there, and most guys who use Horus Decks would try to bring him back if they could.
"The whole problem with you and Duel Monsters Ray… it's not that you have a bad strategy. It's actually pretty lethal most of the time. The trouble is, it's really only one strategy with multiple parts, and once an opponent knocks out of those parts, you're in trouble. They say a chain is only as strong as its weakest link, but the truth is, a chain is ruined if any of its links are busted."
"I suppose the elves you've gotten so chummy with told you that?" asked Ray.
"In one ear, and out the other,"muttered Ferdinand. "Well, at least now that Jinzo is gone…"
Three face-down cards appeared behind his Fiends.
"Take a wild guess what kind of cards those are! It's your move…"
Archfiend Cavalry fell back to a Score of 1,500 as Ray drew.
"Smart-ass, son of a…" he said. "Horus, fricassee that Cavalry!"
"Watch this!" said Ferd. "I'm using the Destruct Potion Trap Card!"
One of his three set cards lifted, then spun around, and Archfiend Cavalry disappeared in a plume of Hellfire.
"Because my Trap destroyed him before you got a chance, Pandemonium's effect kicks in, and I get to take a weaker Archfiend from my deck…"
A gain, the foul gas bubble from the pit floated to his hand, and turned into a card.
"But Archfiend Cavalry also has an effect of its own. I get to Special Summon another Archfiend from my Graveyard…"
Again, Archfiend Commander crawled out of the lava, and he wasn't as angry now as he was before as he looked at Ray. He yawned and stretched, then looked at the gangster with a bored expression. (2,500 ATK –) (1,900 ATK)
"And don't forget, I get 1,500 Life Points form the Trap."
"Fine, I'll attack him instead!" screamed Ray. "DIE!"
Horus blew its flames at the Commander, but then, to Ray's utter shock, the Fiend knocked the fiery blast of death aside with a simple backhand slap, sending the wave back at the huge Dragon. There was a sound like a noise a cat made when its tail was stepped on, amplified by a hundred, and the Dragon collapsed into a charred corpse.
"How the…" he started.
"I'll tell you another problem you have, Ray," said Ferd, "you've really got a rotten temper."
Ray looked at his foe, and not only had he triggered another Trap, but someone even more hulking than Ferdinand was standing behind him – Dark Ruler Ha Des.
"See, I also activated Bark of Dark Ruler. With at least one Fiend on my field, I could pay my Life Points to reduce the Attack Score of hothead over there."
The ashes vanished, and so did Ha Des, in a cloud of black smoke and soot.
"I simply paid 1,200 Life Points, reducing your monster's Score by the same amount, to 1,800, just enough for Commander to defeat it. If you hadn't been so angry, maybe you'd have been more careful."
(F: 2,300) - - - - - - - - - - (R: 4,400)
Calm down… thought Ray. Don't let this guy get to you…
He discarded the last card in his hand, and the Level Reset card faded away like a ripple of light. Then with a blaze of burning wings, the smaller version of Horus appeared. (2,300 ATK)
"Because you destroyed it during my turn, I can send one card from my hand to the Graveyard and banish Level Reset itself to summon the Level 6 version. It can't use it's leveling up effect this turn, or course. However…"
Another black fire wave shot at Archfiend Commander, and he couldn't withstand it this time, collapsing into a pile of hot ash.
(F: 1,900) - - - - - - - - - - (R: 4,400)
"You might be using a deck full of devils, Ferd, but my monsters are the ones that are hotter than Hell!"
"Ugh…" said Ferd. "Don't quit your day job… It's my move…"
He flipped the top card from his deck and nodded.
"Got it…" he said. "First of all… I'm playing the Trade-In Spell Card. I'll send my Archfiend Empress to my Graveyard, then draw twice…"
He discarded the card, and made two draws. Then he looked at Ray with a broad, Cheshire Cat grin.
"I'm using the Equip Spell, Falling Down," he said.
"That won't work on Horus," replied Ray. "This version may not be able to prevent you from using Spells, but he is immune to them."
"I know, but there's another monster I can use it on," replied Ferdinand.
Four dark, ropy tendrils reached out of the card, grabbing King Tiger Wanghu, who whined as it was grabbed, and then dragged over to Ferdinand's side of the field.
"Then, I'm using the Call of the Haunted Trap Card," he continued, as one of his last two set cards lifted. "I'm proud to introduce… Archfiend Empress!"
The vaguely female demon who rose from the broken, flaming ground was almost ten feet tall. Whether she was wearing silvery, decorated plate armor, or whether her natural hide was metallic and resembled such and she actually had no clothing – other than a scarlet cape – was impossible to tell. She did have demonic, ram-like horns and a nasty-looking military fork, but her face was that of a young woman, which may have been attractive if not for the rest of her body. (2,900 ATK)
Ray gulped, but was relieved when she sank to a score of 2,100.
"You had me worried there for a minute," he said, "but…"
"Next on the agenda," said Ferd. "I'm summoning my second Archfiend Heiress…"
He played the card, and to Ray's surprise, the small imp sort of resembled a child-like version of Empress. (1,000 ATK) –) (700 ATK)
Now I'm getting rid of this Field Spell," he continued.
"Wha…" said Ray. 'Whatever for?"
"Because it's served its purpose, and I need something new now," replied Ferdinand. "Feast your eyes…"
He opened the Field Zone on his Disk and switched the Pandemonium card with a different one.
"On the dark citadel on the lowest rift of the lowest Circle of Hell… I play Archfiend Palabyrinth!"
As he played the card, the volcanic wasteland turned into a dead wasteland of ash, and a huge, evil castle rose behind Ferdinand as a blood-red sky started to appear above. It was a castle with several towers, all of them in defiance of architecture, built in impossible designs. Most of them resembled huge corkscrews, and were covered with giant horns and blades, stabbing into the hellish sky.
"That's where Terrorking rules from?" gasped Ray.
"Terrorking?" asked Ferdinand, with a slight laugh. "He hasn't ruled Pandemonium for years. As for his replacement, I'll be glad to introduce you, but first, all Fiends gain 500 Attack Points right away."
(Heiress: 1,200 ATK, Giant: 2,300 ATK, Empress: 2,400 ATK)
"Now, I'm going to use another effect of this Field Spell, and since I know you're a little dense, I'll talk slowly. I choose one of my Archfiends, then I banish one of my Fiends – not necessarily an Archfiend – and in return, I get to summon an Archfiend from my deck that's the same Level as the Archfiend I choose.
"But the one I banish can be a Fiend of any Level, so if I choose Archfiend Empress, I can banish Heiress…"
The imp disappeared.
"…and summon Archfiend Emperor the First Lord of Horror!"
Ray stepped back as a shadow fell over the already dark Field. The demon that Empress' effect had summoned… Calling it a giant would be an understatement, this was a titan. It was nearly the size of the smaller towers of the palace behind it, a humanoid covered in a rough, jagged exoskeleton that seemed to be made of bone. Not fresh, clean bone, mind you, more like rotted bone pieced together, and they clearly weren't human bones. His head was a skull too, but it didn't even come close to human-like, being of alien design with horns and eyes that burned with embers, and to make it worse, he held a sword that was as long as he was tall, colored in such a way that made it look uncomfortably like bloodstained steel. (But exactly what a demon this huge could have fought to stain a sword that big was anyone's guess.)
(3,000 ATK)
The Emperor's Attack Score went up to 3,500, then down to 2,700 as it looked down on Ray.
"Know why Terrorking isn't king anymore?" asked Ferdinand. "Cause this guy kicked him out!"
"I believe you…" gasped Ray.
"Now, I'm using the big guy's effect," continued Ferdinand.
One of the two Archfiend Heiresses slipped out of his discard slot, and the giant demon stared Horus in the eye without blinking.
"By banishing a card from my hand or my Graveyard with the word 'Archfiend' in its name, this guy can destroy any card I want… Guess which one I want to destroy…"
He pointed at Horus, and the Dragon began to screech…
"In a pig's eye!" shouted Ray, as his last set card flipped up. "I use My Body as a Shield!"
The fiery eyebeam missed Horus completely, hitting Ray instead. He groaned a little, but then another beam shot from the card, striking Archfiend Emperor and blowing him to little pieces.
(F: 1,900) - - - - - - - - - - (R: 2,900)
"You almost had me, Ferd," he said. "Cost me 1,500 Life Points, but someone told me once, a mobster has to know how to spend his resources, because if he dies rich, it might get him a fancy funeral, but not much else."
"Yeah, I'm the one who told you that," replied Ferdinand. "And believe me, I know it…"
Then his last set card lifted up.
"I use the Trap Card, Archfiend's Roar," he said. "This costs a mere 500 Life Points, but I can summon Archfiend Emperor back…"
The ground broke open again, and true to the Trap's name, a roar accompanied the huge abomination's return. (2,700 ATK)
"I don't really need to don this," said Ferd. "Seeing as he's stronger than Horus even with your Burden card…"
He took the Archfiend's Roar card from his Graveyard.
"But ironically, see, Emperor can only use his effect once per turn… However, since he went to the Graveyard and came back, he counts as a new monster.
"That means his effect is reset… So…"
The eye beam launched at Horus a second time, and nothing could stop it now. What happened next was horrible to watch. The Dragon erupted from flames from the inside, literally, screaming as it collapsed into a heap of hot ash.
Ray just stared aghast for a few seconds…
"Well what did you expect from an Archfiend?" asked Ferd.
Then Archfiend Empress pointed her fork at Ray, and he screamed louder than ever as the direct attack hit him. He realized now the real reason Ferd had used Falling Down on Wanghu – to get it out of the way.
(F: 1,900) - - - - - - - - - - (R: 500)
The Emperor started to lift its sword.
"STOP! Stop, please!" begged Ray. "I give up! I give up!"
Ferdinand stopped.
"One condition," he said. "When you see Red Shroud again, you're going to say that coming here was a dead end and you didn't find anything except a lot of bawdy dwarves getting drunk."
"Deal!" shouted Ray. "Anything you say!"
As the holograms disappeared, he panted and breathed heavily, taking a deep breath of relief as the giant vanished.
Shroud will just assume those dumb bugbears who work for Rena were conned into buying false information, he thought. Maybe I'll be lucky and Rena will be punished.
"Don't forget, you gave up, so you lose, so our deal still stands," added Ferd.
"All right, all right!" shouted Ray. "It'll be in the usual place by Saturday…"
"Make sure," said Ferd. "For old time's sake…"
As Ray turned to leave, his old "friend" leaned against the wall.
"Oh, and Ray?" he said. "I didn't turn down that invitation because I couldn't play knoliast… It was because if I went to a card game that took a week to play, I'd have had to cancel a date I had the same week."
Ray grumbled angrily, and then stormed out. Then, to his shock when he entered the main barroom, Bert was in a drunken slumber at a table with his head on the spilled remains of a glass. Paul, even worse. He was slightly more sober, but that barmaid was holding him in a seductive embrace that didn't look affectionate at all.
"Let go of him!" shouted the mobster.
"Take it easy!" said Neela, with a girlish giggle.
She did indeed let go, and Paul stumbled a little, but managed to keep standing.
"I was just helping him up… Your two friends found a few things out about dwarven mead, the hard way."
"Paul!" cursed Ray.
"Uhm…" said the henchman. Then Ray slapped him hard in the face.
"Boss!" he replied.
"You sober enough to help me get Bert to the car?" asked Ray. "By the way, looks like I'm driving. Damn it…"
Paul nodded slowly, and the two lifted Bert up by the shoulders.
"Next time you two do what I say," growled Ray. "A guy like you can't count on me to drag your scraggy ass out when this sort of thing happens."
Neela watched them as they painfully hobbled out, while Ferdinand watched from the door.
"Oh boys?" she purred. "If you're ever in the neighborhood again, happy hour is at six. The potato chips and garlic knots are free."
Ray said something under his breath – the word "whore" was in it – and dragged his two henchmen out. Normally in this situation he'd have said it out loud, but he was pretty sure the dwarves in the place would not let it go unchallenged. But anyway, that was an offer he wouldn't accept.
0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0
LEVEL RESET (Spell Card)
Continuous Spell
Image: The body of Horus the Black Flame Dragon LVL6 lying on a funeral Pyre surrounded by four Horus' Servants. The Level 4 version rises from the Pyre.
Effect: If a "LVL" monster you control is destroyed during your turn, you may banish this face-up card you control and discard 1 card from your hand to Special Summon a monster from your Graveyard with the same name and a lower "LVL" than the destroyed monster. This effect can be used during any Phase of the turn. After using this effect, you cannot Normal Summon or Special Summon any monsters with the same name with a higher "LVL" until your opponent's next End Phase.
0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0
Jemorille: Most of Red Shroud's gang – and even Shroud, to a certain degree – had thought that Ferdinand's brain was as weak as his body was strong. Shroud is intelligent, but she can be a very poor judge of character at times. I should know; I myself was part of the notorious espionage expert's gang for years siphoning information from her for my own purposes, and it is with no fear or her that I make that revelation now. In fact, I almost hope she reads this; it might teach her that she's not as untouchable as she believes.
Ferdinand was a good deal smarter than he looked, and he figured that even though he didn't trust Ray to keep his word, he likely wouldn't go back on it now for a variety of reasons. First, if Ray told Shroud the truth, she'd likely kill him, not only because he had found a turncoat she'd been looking for and humiliated himself, but because it was very likely that Neela had "coerced" Bert and Paul to tell her something after convincing them to drink. (Given what she had said earlier.) By simply telling the succubus it was a dead end, she would do no more than sternly interrogate the bugbears who had gotten the info.
Even more so… Ferdinand knew that Ray likely wanted an excuse to get rid of the Maagardium Pass anyway.
For now, it seemed like the Shadowchasers were becoming involved in more and more cases that involved famous conspiracy theories… And some that involved rather obscure ones. As night started to fall, something very unusual had been brought to Jalal's attention, and he had to make two quick calls. One to Cleveland…
…the other to Backwater.
"Bring on the Night" is coming soon.
0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0
Shadowchaser Files: Eldritch Locations
Wolvercote Cemetery
Most people, when they think of cemeteries, think of dark places full of restless dead and a feeling of coldness and despair. In truth, a proper cemetery is just the opposite. A place built on hallowed ground is supposed to be one that suggests peace and calmness, one where the dead can rest undisturbed.
And in some cases, like Wolvercote Cemetery in Oxford, no less than four separate divine forces make certain that defilers and grave robbers dare not enter
The place is a working cemetery that seems an average one, the only unusual thing about it is that it is a single cemetery divided into separate areas for Jews, Muslims, and all manner of Christians. While many important people have been interred here since its opening in 1889, what makes it an Eldritch Location is the grave of a man whom, ironically, was ignorant of the existence of Shadowkind, despite being admired by many, J.R.R. Tolkien, author to The Lord of the Rings.
While several races admire Tolkien, four do so more than most. Halflings most of all, given that they – whom he referred to as hobbits – were the heroes of his epic masterpiece. Elves and dwarves give him further praise, both races having posthumously granting him several titles usually reserved for their respective races.
Orcs – the ones who can read at least – are equally divided on their opinion. While many are irked by the fact that they are depicted as "dumb muscle" and "faceless goons" in his books, some orcs, with their unique culture, can't help but admire the "badass" way they are depicted in them.
Some other races admire Tolkien, mostly fey who saw the chapter in The Two Towers where Treebeard led the Ents in the assault on Isengard as proof that Tolkien was sympathetic to the environment (mostly after seeing Hugh Jackman's film version). But those first four are the important ones, because spiritual leaders of all four races have often come to his grave to pray and leave offerings, just as family members of a deceased would do, and the chief gods of all four races – Yondalla, Moradin, Corellon, and Gruumsh – have all bestowed blessings on the place, making the cemetery a sacred protected site four times over.
For this reason, the whole cemetery has divine properties to ensure that the graves remain undisturbed. Creatures normally pained or harmed by hallowed or sanctified areas, like most undead beings, are hurt even more here. Actually creating undead is impossible on its grounds, and necromantic spells are weakened considerably.
In addition, divine spellcasters who attempt to defend the place find the intensity of their magic doubled. If said spellcaster worships one of the four Shadowkind deities who bestowed blessings here, it is tripled.
The only way to overcome or dispel the divine magic of hallowed ground is for the practitioner of dark magic making the attempt to have aid from a divine force that trumps – or at least equals – that of the one protecting the place. Because all four of the deities who have blessed Wolvercote Cemetery are greater powers, that does not seem likely to happen. Even if one of the four should refuse to interfere with the patron of some evil necromancer (Gruumsh would be the most likely candidate, probably) said necromancer would still have to overcome three others. For the time being, it seems that the place is one of the few places that can truly be considered a safe haven for the deceased.
Possibly best of all, there has never been a known instance of an orc picking a fight with an elf or dwarf if they happen to meet here. In fact, all four races often regard this place as a sort of "truce zone" should they have to discuss something without fear of an ambush by one side. Indeed, given the plot of Tolkien's books, that is very ironic.