Chapter 14
She turned to meet his eyes and he was relieved to see that hers were no longer blank. They were the same warm, chocolate color that he loved. He smiled a small smile at her. She returned it, but just barely, her hand still out for her wand. And because she seemed back to herself, he gave it to her. She immediately pointed it at her head and spoke the Finite to end the silencing spell. Of course, since no sound came out of her mouth, there was no result.
Drolly, she rolled her eyes at him, an expression of irritation on her face, and Draco laughed. He was about to use his own wand to end the spell when she cast the Finite wordlessly, impressing him with her ability. The spell had been strong enough that she couldn't have ended it without her wand, but a regular witch or wizard would not have been able to end it wordlessly even with a wand. She didn't even seem fazed by the effort. Or she was high on all the china-smashing she'd just done.
"Well," was all she said, her wand once again secured on her person. She continued sitting, staring out at the pond and the ducks. "Was that your plan the whole time?" she finally asked.
"More or less," he answered. "You definitely Exceeded Expectations when you started throwing plates at me."
Her mouth twitched as she tried not to grin, remembering the surprise on his face as she almost beaned his platinum head. "Yes, well, you deserved it. Stealing my wand! Of all the terrible things."
"Are you going to hex me now?" he asked. He'd meant it as a joke, but he wasn't entirely sure that it was.
The look she gave him was very serious as she answered, "Maybe. I haven't decided yet."
It took some effort for him to turn from her and face forward again. The warrior in him didn't like to leave an enemy an opening for an attack. The strategist in him said she was less likely to retaliate if he gave her a show of trust. Hermione Granger usually liked to attack her problems head on. But then again, things had been very different for her lately.
He reminded her of that. "Do you remember what you told me when you saw me that day you came to see me? After…it happened." He didn't have to explain what event he meant. "You thanked me."
There was a brief moment of silence as she remembered. Then she said quietly, "I thanked you for your anger."
He nodded. His arms were resting lightly on his knees, and he resisted the impulse to fidget with his hands. "You wanted me to remind you…Remind you of when it's time to be angry." He looked at her directly now. "Today is one of those days."
Her eyes were bright with a film of unshed tears as she stared back at him. "I know," she whispered, and he almost didn't hear her, except he was completely attuned to every move she was making. She blinked and a few tears spilled over. She closed her eyes and he watched her as she took a few deep breaths and wiped the tears from her face.
"I know," she said again, stronger this time. "I was just trying to put it all aside so I could deal with it later. I didn't think it should bother me as much as it did."
"Of course it should bother you," Draco scoffed. "He married Lavender Brown. That would bother anyone."
The briefest of smiles flitted across her face. "You don't have to be mean to be angry."
He rolled his eyes at that. "Says the woman who threw hideous china plates at my face."
She smiled for real, then, but didn't say anything. There was a soft silence as they went back to staring out at the pond. Though the edge of her anger was spent, she wasn't quite ready to go back yet.
Finally, she broke the stillness. "I don't want him back." Draco kindly refrained from pointing out that it didn't look like that was really an option at this time, anyway. The thought of her back together with him turned his stomach.
She explained, "I mean, I'm not angry because I want him for myself. I'm not angry because I'm jealous thinking Lavender Brown has something I should have. I wouldn't take Ron Weasley back if he swore an Unbreakable Vow of monogamy to me."
As awkward as that sounded, it was a cheering thought. Draco had been trying not to wonder if she had been holding out hope that Ron would one day come back to her.
"It's just…" she paused, collecting herself again, "…it hurts me." Her hands folded over her heart, even though it was too late for her to protect it. "It hurts me to think of how much I put into that relationship. How much of myself I actually lost. How much time I wasted. How very foolish I was to believe that he truly loved me. And how even more foolish it was to believe he valued our relationship when he threw it away at the drop of a hat."
More like the dropping of some knickers, Draco thought, but again, he was wise enough to refrain from saying it.
"And then he goes and marries her." Hermione shook her head, like she truly couldn't believe it. "After two months of scandal, with no engagement, he makes her his wife. It's as if he's not even sorry." Her eyes were sad again. Though one part of Draco was elated that he was the one to hear her confession, another part was getting knotted up watching her hurt.
"It's as if…" she continued slowly, "…as if I never even mattered." She sighed. "Just poor, pathetic Hermione again. Left behind. Alone."
She looked up at him as she finished speaking. Her face was just so unhappy and Draco was getting so tired of having to hold himself back. She mattered to him. She may not have mattered enough to the Weasel, but she mattered very much to him. She was not alone.
And because she mattered, and because she'd just opened her heart to him, and (in hindsight) because her face was so close to his…Before he could think better of it, he leaned in and touched his lips to hers, softly, tenderly. A chaste kiss, meant to be comforting, nothing like the kisses he fantasized about planting all over her body. He couldn't stop himself.
He had only a second to savor the feel of her lips before he felt her pull back. Her eyes were wide with fear and anxiety, the chocolate depths seeming to spin with turmoil. Recognizing it, he mentally cursed himself. It was too soon. Of course it was too soon. It may have felt like eons of wanting and waiting to him but she hadn't even had those thoughts yet.
She bolted upright from the bench, looking every which way and gripping her wand tightly in her hand. She stammered out a quick, "I—I have to go," not even looking him in the eye.
After she'd left, he sat on the bench for a while longer, looking out at the ducks and berating himself.
~~~ooo~~~
She ran away. There was no getting around it.
She'd been lying in bed for the last couple of hours, staring at her ceiling, rerunning the scene in her head and there was no other description for her actions. He'd surprised her. She'd been completely unaware, completely unprepared, and when his lips descended on hers, she had the equivalent of a panic attack and ran away.
For the last few hours, she'd been trying to figure out why. Was she afraid of him? No, that couldn't be right. Was she afraid of what people would think? Doubtful, as recently she'd begun to care less and less what people thought. Was she afraid of the commitment? That one was a possibility, but one kiss, after all, wasn't really a commitment.
Was it too soon? Some might think so, but her relationship with Ron was definitely over (she had the newspaper article to prove it). And despite the fact that she was sitting out there on that bench because of his choices, he was the furthest thing from her mind when Draco's mouth had touched hers. So she didn't think that was the problem.
She sighed, rubbing her hands over her eyes. She'd had the same thoughts spinning in circles and didn't seem to be getting anywhere.
With her wand she conjured a few pretty paper birds and made them fly in intricate patterns. For some reason that always helped her think, as if they pushed her thoughts into order. As she watched them sparkling overhead, she started from the beginning again.
Was she afraid of him? No, she'd been over this. It seemed logical to think that she was afraid of him. He was Draco Malfoy, after all. Ten years ago, she had certainly been afraid of him. There were many who still were. He was definitely intimidating in his black Auror robes, a fierce expression on his face, his wand blazing.
She conjured up the image of him at his most fearsome and the trembling in her stomach was as far from fear as she could fathom. She didn't think she had anything to fear from Draco.
Closing her eyes and releasing the magic that created the birds, she replayed the scene in her mind. Draco had been sitting close to her, close enough that she could feel some of the warmth radiating from his body. Had she leaned into it, unconsciously?
She had been looking out at the water and had turned to see his reaction to what she had said. His face was so close that she'd been startled by how clear and bright his grey eyes were, forgetting what she had meant to say next. The thought crossed her mind that his face was really beautiful…and then he had kissed her and…and…and she had run away.
Placing a pillow over her face, she groaned into it. You only run away when you are afraid. So what was she afraid of?
Unbidden, she heard Lavender's voice again: "I see why Ron always found you so lacking."
The memory caused her stomach to twist, her embarrassment over Ron's assessment of her overshadowed only by her fear that he was right.
She wasn't afraid of Draco. She was afraid of herself. She was afraid that Ron was right—that she was a bookworm who could only ever be a sub-par woman. She was afraid that she would be disappointing. She was afraid to fail. Again.
She was disgusted with herself. After all the work she'd been doing to prove that Ron and Lavender's words had no basis in fact, she went and proved them right at the first opportunity. Why would a man, any man, want a woman who ran away from a kiss?
Exhausted and disheartened, she pulled the covers up over herself. When the blanket was tucked in under her chin, she sighed. The real question now was did she want a man to want her? Did she want Draco to kiss her again?
She closed her eyes and re-pictured the scene. What would have happened if she hadn't run away? She imagined the bench, the water, Draco sitting close to her. That moment when she looked into his eyes and everything around her disappeared. What if she'd kissed him back? What if his mouth had been on hers for more than just the briefest moment? What if he'd wrapped his arms around her and pulled her against him? What if she'd let herself get lost in his taste? What if she'd let his hands roam over her body, exploring her?
Her eyes popped open, as her stomach tied into slippery knots. Her temperature spiked and she felt her palms dampen, her heart beating a fast, thrumming pace.
That answered that question. She wanted him to kiss her again. In fact, the more she thought about it, the more she was absolutely certain that was what she wanted.
Now she just had to fix it. Which was something she would have to do in the morning, since it was far too late for her to do anything but try to catch a few hours of sleep.
Pleased with her resolve, and feeling confident she would come up with a suitable plan, she drifted off to warm images of sunlight glinting off of platinum hair.
A/N: So let's just be done with Ron for now, shall we? I know people love a big to-do, but I don't really want to write that. I've got one coming several chapters later, but I just want to finally see these two make progress on the relationship part of this relationship. And I know you all thought Hermione was really going to let Draco have it once she had her wand back, didn't you? Haha! But even Hermione knows that Draco is always on her side. This chapter (two chapters, since it was split) obviously references the events/conversations of Chapters 2 & 3. Anyway, since this story is supposed to be mostly fluff...expect more fluff, coming right up!