Hey everyone!
Busy this week, huh? Well, for those who have been waiting...
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There are many who view my own people, the rilmani, as anal retentive, obsessive, and stubborn. (We personally prefer the term "tenacious".) Well, the platonics are often this to the point of absurd. Supposedly, they were first built by two near-omnipotent magitech supercomputers with the power to alter reality on a cosmic level, who debate each and every decision they have to make to ensure the right choice. But they're simply too thorough, and debate each and every aspect of each problem presented to them, each adverse effect weighing against each benevolent effect. When they finally come to an agreement, they realize a new variable has come into being (or possibly has grown to adulthood while they were arguing) and have to start over. (An urban legend states that the "problem" they're currently debating is whether or not your world's dinosaurs should be saved or allowed to go extinct.)
In any event, they created the platonics to handle the huge backlog of "small jobs" that had arisen during their debates, and their "children" have actually done well, considering. But due to remnants of the blind adherence to all aspects of Law held by their "parents", they tend to fall into incompetence rather easily. Rilmani like myself have had to investigate disasters caused by them following rules at times only a lunatic would, like refusing firefighters entry into a palace due to the strict dress code (despite the royal family trapped inside the obviously burning structure), and siding against a town of farmers that is about to be trampled by an army of modrons because said town is in a path that was established as part of their route five centuries previous, before the town was founded.
Is it any wonder then, that abnormalities like Antisthenes come about? While modrons and other natives of the Plane of Ultimate Law try their best to keep these rogues hidden and claim that "chaos infections" and wild magic are responsible for such "pollutants" and "corruptions", the true cause is likely that their own insistence to order and detail has driven many of them mad.
Several rilmani, myself included, have proposed that pulling the plug on those two stupid computers would prevent a thousand times more problems than they'd solve, and we could do so if we could sway the modrons into helping. They have agreed to hear arguments on the matter, once such a discussion has been approved by the proper channels. Forgive my pessimistic opinion, but I doubt we'll hear from them soon.
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Chapter 46
Heart of Glass
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Sofia woke up. Rather slowly, opening her eyes to a fog. Philip was still holding her, his warm hug only slightly marred by the shrill sound. Sofia assumed it was an alarm clock. Why the hell did I set that? she asked herself.
When she truly woke up and focused, she realized it was actually the cellphone by the bed, the odd ring indicating a call being transferred over the hotline. (Of course, she had turned off the regular one, but the hotline could never be turned off. Not in her line of work.)
"Mmm, yeah?" she mumbled. "Jalal?" She sat up, chuckling a little as the boss spoke. "This mean I'm off house arrest, chief?"
Philip turned over and listened, his ears somewhat more acute than a human's. "We don't have much choice, Sofia," said Jalal, "you're the only one in the general area, and we have a class-13 crisis on our hands."
That got her to take notice. She sat up.
"Class 13, what?" asked Philip who was himself, half-awake.
"Let me put it this way, Philip," said Sofia, aside to him, "it only goes up to fourteen. Go on, chief, I'm listening."
In his office a continent away, the leader of the Shadowchasers was looking at a database on his Google-glass as he spoke, set to a webpage featuring Japanese light novels, a type of prose similar to manga, but with more text. He had never been much of a fan of these himself, but now it might be time to take a crash course. "Seems whoever sent us Sheeva has a sick sense of humor."
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Despite his cheery, energetic disposition, Fezz was just as frightened as Karen was, if not more so. He had been here three months, had been threatened with torture and death frequently, and knew how even regular trolls would just as soon treat him as a light snack, much less a mutated, hungry one that was vivisected every week. The thoughts of his wife and two sons concerned him almost continually; he had no idea what had happened to them that horrible night three months ago, whether they had escaped, been killed, or even taken hostage with him and kept in some other part of Broken Reach.
Beatrice had been at least generous enough to let him have a notebook, and had removed those awful metal gloves so he could use a pen. And yet, he never dreamed he'd be using it for such a juvenile form of entertainment.
The troll growled and hissed as the paper airplane flew across the room, hitting it above the its eyes. It growled, then barked viciously.
"This is silly," he muttered, but started folding another one anyway.
"You know, Eden," said Berger, "if he does break free -"
"I'll take full responsibility," answered Eden, "just do it. Fezz, you ever try fried axebeak leg with ketchup?"
"Course not, I," started Fezz. Then his eyes opened wider. "Uh, sure, maybe once or twice."
Karen was focused on the sandwich Beatrice had given her, but this was certainly new. She knew what an axebeak was, certainly not something you'd fry like chicken.
"Uh, Eden," she said.
Eden pushed her own sandwich towards her. "You have it, Karen," she replied, "you need it more."
"But," replied the Shadowchaser.
"I'm dead anyway," the gautiere interrupted. Then she spoke up again. "You try that place at Mount Nevermind?" Then quietly to Karen, "Go on,I don't need it."
It made sense to Karen in a very grim way, and she slowly reached for it. More sense than what she and Fezz were saying, anyway.
"Well, if there was nothing else," he said.
"If it came with cole slaw?"
"NO!" said Fezz.
He had read the note she had passed him, written in his language, and it was more a "no" of disbelief than of protest. Still, Eden nodded to him.
"Well, if I was hungry enough, yeah," he muttered, sounding frightened.
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"Nice place," said Ferdinand.
Of course, he was being sarcastic here. The barbed wire with the "KEEP OUT" sign (written in Russian largest, then German, French, and english) and skull-and-crossbones fenced off a place that was anything but inviting. As did the skulls and bones on the other side of it, likely of humans, Shadows, and animals.
More of the third type. The Polystovo-Lovatskaya swamp was a sparse and almost unpopulated area between the between Pskov and Novgorod regions, and was one of the few places nearly untouched by humanity. The Czars, Soviets, and modern Russian government had made a few attempts at building settlements, but the difficulty of maintaining roads and bridges combined with the even greater difficulty of providing electricity made such endeavors too much of a hassle for a place that was only useful for peat mining.
This seemed like the typical abandoned village, with rundown shacks and a windmill, but the large building ahead seemed out of place. It looked like a keep or barracks, the type used to house soldiers. Getting that much stone here to build it would have been quite an undertaking.
But as he looked around, he noticed the abundance of dead things lying around. Birds and squirrel skeletons lay around the bigger skeletons, and some were more recently killed.
So then what, he thought.
As he was scratching his head, he heard a squeaking noise, followed by something tugging on his pant leg. He looked down, and saw an odd little critter.
It looked like a badger or woodchuck, with a long, unicorn horn, and tiny little wings.
An Archfiend Marmot of Nefariousness? He thought. "Hey there!"
Of course, he was pretty stumped on how exactly how this little guy survived whatever had killed all the wildlife. He tried to pick it up, but it squeaked louder, and then scurried further into the village, towards the barracks..
Guess I'll find out.
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The standing stones that marked the entrance to the Feywild had not seen this much activity in centuries. Much less a bloody, brutal brawl between a male human and a female Shokkan.
Truth be told, this type would be unusual for a Shokkan.
Again, and again. The blows were hitting Sheeva in the face and torso, faster than she could react, coming from a foe she had assumed was human, but had more raw force behind them than she had ever even felt from a Centaurian.
Francis grabbed her by the ponytail next, slamming the Shokan's face headlong into a tree trunk.
"Feeling it now, bitch?" he growled.
The worst part was, she did. The feeling she had, it was that of terror. She was going to die here, she was almost certain of it.
It was ironic, of course. Contrary to what he had said - when she assumed, he had been trying to stall - she had never thought of what the deaths of so many victims had been causing. It had never been brought up. Not even by her rivals or enemies, of which she had many.
And now she would receive the fate she had so easily given out…
But not without a fight, she wouldn't. If she perished here, it would be the greatest battle of her life.
Francis lifted his first to hit her again, and she reacted, pushing against the ground with all four arms, and kicking with both feet. He roared, but she alighted herself and stood. She was bruised badly, but could still fight.
"I don't know how you suddenly got so strong, human," she said. She cracked all four of her knuckles in one fluid motion. "But I welcome it!"
The two warriors charged each other...
Damn! thought Mr. Pux, Louie's gonna pay me triple for this! He continued to aim the iPhone recorder as the fight in front of him went on.
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Ferd stroked the small Duel Spirit, walking into the courtyard as he did. The purring was doing little to calm him. He felt his heart start to beat quicker, and had become short of breath quickly.
Then, saw the tree there, and he struggled to keep from dropping it.
Okay, he thought, looking up. Mystery solved…
Ferdinand had seen this before. This was a viper elm. Also called a "dark tree", "poison tree", and "devil tree". It was a type of plant life from beyond Shadow so dangerous that Shadowchaser procedure for dealing with them was to use a military issue flamethrower on them. But that typically only worked on saplings. If it was full-grown, it was unlikely you could get close enough. The sap had a toxin so potent that it permeated the air around the plant, which Shadows would refer to as as "Seven Up Eight Down Nine Death" meaning that a victim who had inhaled the toxin could take no more than seven steps uphill, eight steps downhill or nine steps on level ground before dying. An exaggeration, maybe, but he knew that most folks who were resistant to poison - like he was - who had encountered one had usually died after panicking.
Okay, deep breaths, he thought. No, NO don't breathe deep! It's airborne. What is this thing?
"Greetings," said a voice.
Ferd was, of course, startled by the polite-sounding voice. But then he looked up, and noticed something in the tree's upper boughs.
Memory Crystal Gamma. It was intertwined within two branches, that held it like a pair of hands.
"Uh," he said.
"Welcome," said the voice. "Do not be alarmed, I simply…want totear your bloody head off!"
The change in tone had come rather sudden, turning from polite to furious within less than a second. Ferd fell over, and the Marmot hopped away.
He noticed that the Marmot had a few friends with it, some of them squeaking in a tone that sounded like encouragement.
"Ahem, please pardon my erratic behavior," said the being. "I seem to have developed a few instabilities since I was abandoned and left to rot in this accursed place!"
"Look, look fellah, calm down, okay?" said Ferd. "Who left you here?"
"A highly advanced extradimensional species," continued the being, "who desired that I and my three brothers observe, collect, and analyze the data of this wretched, vile, worthless, backwater cesspool of a planet!"
Okay, he's not just a recording, thought Ferd. He spoke up, "Hey, c'mon, we have to live here!"
"Yes, yes, I suppose it is indeed a matter of comparison," it said. "Now, it is my duty to analyze the talents and skills and the crippling weaknesses of sapient lifeforms such as yourself, so I can best determine how to crush them into screaming, quivering bloody piles of moribund flesh!"
Man, no wonder these guys left him here, thought Ferd.
"Listen, if I caught you at a bad time,' he started. He slowly backed away from it.
"No, no, no trouble at all, said the Crystal, "nobody ever comes, and I'm bored out of my ever-loving skull! You would think they'd at least send someone to clean up this wretched hellhole once in awhile! Ahem. Now then, let us begin. Try to relax, I assure you this will be excruciatingly painful!"
Ferd noticed the small Archfiends squeak, and saw roots underneath him moving. "Uh, okay, bye!" he remarked.
And then he dashed away from it not caring at all about panicking. He fled from the courtyard,
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Fezz was surprised anyone knew the special jargon used by gnomes, but he knew how to reply when Eden used it. It was a sort of code they had thought up when they were a slave race, and still used when enemies were around.
It started by asking whether you had ever eat one of a few select dishes, all of them food that even gnomes wouldn't eat. Eden's question meant if he knew wizardry, and with the addition of a common condiment - ketchup in this case - meaning illusion, the most common discipline among gnomes. (Something unusual, like boysenberry jam, would mean a field that gnomes usually stayed away from, while something inedible, like motor oil, would have meant the dark arts.) His answer of "once or twice" meant, "yes, but only simple stuff".
Asking if he'd try it at Mount Nevermind meant if he was willing to try it anyway, with a notation that it would be dangerous if he did. (Mount Nevermind was the gnome equivalent of Shangri-La, so it wasn't for risk takers.)
Asking if he'd have it with cole slaw was part of the cant that usually wasn't included. Still, he was hungry enough. So to speak. Hungry enough to "eat" something that would help them escape.
"PIPE DOWN!" came an order as the door to the cellblock opened. It sounded like Domino, but tinny and with static.
The droid that entered seemed like an early prototype of Domino that had been built with no aesthetic in mind; sort of a framework of an android without the covering. Karen could see the odd gears and cogs, with the eldritch runes printed on them. The actual Domino's innards were made of gold and silver, but these seemed just brass and copper; still, it was eerie. It only wore an apron, carrying a shoulder bag on a strap.
It wasn't alone, two of those medical droids had followed it in. The troll grunted and then barked angrily as one of them beeped and the cell door started to open, and the one he had just came through closed.
"Quiet!" repeated the larger droid. It motioned to its assistants, and they held it by the arms. Small hatches opened on their fronts, which contained blue orbs that now shone sapphire blue, as the one below the troll's neck did the same. It pulled a large haunch of meat from the bag, and the troll struggled more as the two smaller droids held onto it. It was clear now to Karen that the two blue orbs were meant to weaken it even further, much like the one it wore was
Eden nodded to Fezz and he sighed. One order of axebeak leg with cole slaw, coming up, he thought, and placed his fingers on his temple, muttering a short phrase in gnomish that Karen could not, for the life of her, pronounce or spell. (Eden would later tell her that it meant "power within, power without" or something like that.)
She also noticed Eden herself chanting softly, and started to get the general gist of Eden's plan. Her own body-lock was preventing her from using her own skills in sorcery, for the most part; the blue gem on her and Karen's cell enhanced the green one on her lock, which in turn, weakened her, and the mitts made gesturing impossible. But that same energy from the blue crystals, brought by this droid to enhance the one sedating the troll, was inadvertently disrupting the ones meant to restrain Fezz, who had more manual dexterity.
Clearly, Beatrice had thought nothing of it, as Fezz wouldn't be able to break free in the limited time this disruption occurred. He was only able to cast apprentice level illusions, like the one he was casting now. But Eden sure was, and she knew how to use other beings as familiars, casting spells through them via cooperative effort. While she only had limited use of her own magic due to the gems on her own lock, the droids' enhancement gave her the window she needed to use Fezz like a conduit.
And it was working. She concentrated as Fezz chanted, with barely any idea what he was saying, and the troll started to strain and growl, then roar. Anger from hunger, mistreatment, and the taunting a few minutes ago caused it to acquire so much rage that it lunged at the android trying to feed it, snapping the chains holding it.
One of the smaller droids was crushed immediately, alarms starting to blair as Fezz screamed, the final part of the spell taking effect. Karen heard a language she couldn't understand on the loudspeakers, and a countdown of sixty seconds appeared on a screen over the door. She knew what this meant; an automatic lockdown had been initiated, which would seal this room and likely all other rooms in this wing of the compound when it hit zero.
More importantly, the bars on her cell and the door to the wing had disappeared. Before she had time to question this, Eden grabbed her wrist, and took off running, taking the Shadowchaser with her.
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Damn, why couldn't this guy be like the ones who split whenever someone came near them? thought Ferd.
"Get him!" shouted the Memory Crystal's voice from behind.
"Who the hell is he talking - to"
Ferds question was answered rather quickly. A ghostly woman in medieval Japanese armor and a long ponytail leapt from one of the rooftops above, landing in front of him. She drew a katana, and with made a voiceless dare for him to come further. (1,700 ATK)
Ferd shifted his step, ready to react to it, but then he noticed it was just standing there. Much like…
He looked at his duel Disk. Much like monsters in duels usually do, he thought. His Disk had indeed set to 8,000, even though he had done nothing.
"Remember," said the Crystal's voice, "there might be some momentary discomfort, as my beasts eviscerate and disembowel you!"
Okay, okay, this guy isn't the craziest guy I've dueled, thought Ferd. Close, but not the craziest.
Ferd drew a card, and as he looked it, five others from his deck appeared with it.
(Ferdinand: 8.000) - - - - - - - - - - (Gamma: 8,000)
"Got no idea what's going on," he thought, "but if you want to play," he slammed one of the cards into his Graveyard. "I send Archfiend General to my Graveyard to gain a Field Spell, which I'll use now! You like fire, fellah?"
The blazing hellscape of Pendemonium consumed the small town fast, the buildings falling into kindling. He used another card, and Archfiend Heiress appeared with a girlish giggle.
"Hmm, Archfiends," said the Crystal's voice. "An antiquated and novel decision, as if I needed any other reminders that I'm caught in this miserable hell those ungrateful bastards left me in!"
"You need to switch to decaf, bub," said Ferd. "I Special Summon Archfiend Commander!"
Heiress blew into little bits, and a hulking, muscular demon appeared in its place. (2,500 ATK) It reached out with one hand, pointing at Denko Sekka and disgorging a wave of hellfire. She burst in a shower of ash.
"Let's go!" he shouted to the Fiend. He slapped another card on the Spell Zone of the Disk, then took off in the same direction, Commander spreading its wings and flying after him.
(F: 8.000) - - - - - - - - - - (D: 7,200)
"Run all you want," threatened the device. "I control each and every aspect of this domain, and everything in it!"
As Ferd turned a corner, another Duel Monster appeared to ambush him, a Dark Warrior with an evil grin and coal-black eyes. (1,700 ATK)
"I so despise a test subject that refuses to stay still," said the thing. A very large card appeared next to the Warrior, and he slashed with his weapon, cleaving it in half. Then, oddly enough, another card and a… thing that looked like a skeletal snake (to put it simply) appeared too. It's tail stabbed at the card, and both shattered.
"But regretfully, such is necessary. I'll try to make it as quick for you as it was for those two monsters." A card appeared that Ferd recognized as The Shallow Grave. He took General and set it on his field. Then he watched four cards appear out of thin air; one appeared flat next to Dark Grepher, the other behind him.
Then a Spell Card appeared, Polymerization. A void like portal appeared behind the monsters, started to pull at the Warrior.
Huh? What is Dark Grepher is a Fusion Material for?
He barely saw the other monster either, and obviously didn't recognize the Fusion Monster. It was a hulking brute of a man with muscular hands, wearing a dark robe with a hood, and his face, well, to put it plainly, he had no face. (2,200 ATK)
Then to his surprise, a new monster appeared, another set monster.
Fortunately, while creepy, it wasn't enough to make someone like Ferd waited panic, but it didn't do anything else. He made another draw. "If there's one thing I hate, it's chatty computers. I'll bring out Terrorking Archfiend!"
Locusts swarmed down from the spire of Pandemonium behind him, combining into a dark mist. The monarch of the Archfiends casually strode out of it, his wings folded like some dark cloak. (2,000 ATK)
For good measure, he flipped the set monster, and Archfiend General appeared too, leaning on his sword with his dark eyes glowing. (2,100 ATK)
"Gotta admit, this is kinda invigorating," said Ferd. "Oh, if that set card of yours has some sort of flip effect, forget it. My King here has a little trick he learned from Dark Ruler Ha Des."
Terrorking roared and lifted its wings, and its chest burst open, literally. A swarm of locusts burst from it, more vicious than before, swooping on the set card, blasting it to pieces.
"Now my Commander is gonna strut his stuff again. Let that creepshow have it!"
An even more intense blast of hellfire came from both claws, hitting the strange Fusion and reducing him to ashes. The cloak fell with… nothing inside it!
"Clever," said the voice, "but my Crazed Mage of Endion has an effect that now activates; any of them that are a certain, eh-hem, nomenclature of card goes to the Graveyard." There was a short pause. "And it seems one of them is."
Is that a good thing? thought Ferd. Then yet another new set monster card appeared where the Crazed Mage was.
This guy sure uses a lot of cards that summon set monsters, he thought. Not that there's all-too many of those.
(F: 8.000) - - - - - - - - - - (D: 6,900)
"Want more, do ya?" asked Ferd. Archfiend General lifted its weapon, and swung at one of the hidden monsters…
But it went no further. There was a clang, and a monster that looked like a great cat or cougar made of stone was holding the weapon between its paws. (2,200 DEF)
"Oh… crap…" said Ferd. He recognized these cards now.
He also saw something else. A shimmering, misty being that was vaguely human-shaped was behind the monster, with two eyes that Ferd recognized as those of Memory Crystal Gamma.
And it was angry.
It lifted its palm, and five cards hovered over them. Its more lucid voice spoke again, but still rather annoyed.
"Shaddoll Beast's flip effect grants me two draws, so long as I then discard one, and as that one is Shaddoll Dragon, your Pandemonium is destroyed, as is your General."
The fiendish buildings around them collapsed and crashed into piles of inert stone, and General stumbled, falling on his stomach and shattering. "Damn," muttered Ferd.
"Seems my attempts to study intelligent life has hit a snag," continued the being. "I've seen smarter plans from autopsy specimens."
And I really hate sarcastic ones, thought Ferd.
Both his foe's other Trap Cards lifted up, one of which transformed into a monster. Well, monster may have been the wrong word. It looked like a bunch of ugly, evil-looking roots with writhing serpent faces, all of them sprouting from one central core. Which described it rather well. (1,450 ATK)
Shaddoll Core, the heart of corruption.
The being turned to the other card. "I activate El Shaddoll Fusion to summon El Shaddoll Wendigo."
Here we go, thought Ferd.
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The alarm kept going, the countdown visible on the walls of the corridor as Karen was half-dragged down it.
"In here!" Eden told her. They ducked into a room, one that seemed to be a guard post, with a console and monitor. "Down!" she ordered, and they both hit the floor, ducking under the desk.
"Shh," she warned. The countdown continued to 30 seconds, and at 15, the door started to slide shut. Finally, it closed, and they sound of bolts latching, sealing it and every other door on the wing, along with the door to the wing itself.
"That should give us some privacy," remarked Eden. As they stood up, the alarm was still going off, but without the sound. The countdown was changed, and was now counting down an hour.
"Fezz, is he," Karen started to ask.
"He'll come to in about thirty minutes," she answered. "With a bad headache. Still, he helped me cast the There-Not-There enchantment on the those doors pretty well, and it won't wear off for about ninety minutes. Antisthenes won't give the all-clear for at least an hour; he's not about to break his own protocol. If all goes well, we should be back there before anyone knows we were gone.
"Watch the door, I'll be able to use this keyboard once I get a pair of hands."
It was obvious she couldn't type with those shackles, but she had another solution. She started to prepare a slightly more potent incantation as the magical restraints started to ease. A pair of three - yes, three - transparent ghostly hands appeared in front of her.
"Belle called this spell Bigby's Talented Typist, clearly not something Bigby thought up, but I think he'd approve."
Indeed, two of the ghostly hands started to type at the keyboard, showing the finesse and speed of a trained secretary, while the third used the mouse. Even so, Karen was nervously watching the door. She thought she could hear some commotion outside, but it went away quickly.
"In the meantime, let me tell you how Belle and I pulled off this nefarious scheme," said Eden with a slight giggle. "To break into these files via the rootkit, you have to use the password first, then click on a file that contains at least 10 sub-files; if you did, the rootkit could be accessed by simply clicking on a specific subfile. But which one? Even I wouldn't know, because Belle placed a powerful Wild Magic ward on the rootkit itself called Katha's Random Dwemer, which selects the sub-file at random every time a main file is opened, giving the chance of getting the right one anywhere from one in ten to one in a hundred. If you did choose right, a There-Not-There activates, and if it was Not There, you couldn't use it until you closed the file. Meaning you'd have to take chances with the Random Dweomer again. And if you make a second attempt too soon, a Nahal's Vortex activates, slamming you with at least two Surges.
"If you do get past those three wards, you have to enter answers to four questions that are concealed by the spell Fool's Speech. If you got any of them wrong, Nahal's Vortex would activate again, along with Hornung's Reckless Scourge, a combo guaranteed to make even the most stubborn hacker give up."
To Karen's shock - and terror - she saw that Eden was already at the part with the four questions, which she was casually inputting.
"I know what you're thinking, the odds against the Random Numbers God smiling on you here are almost astronomical. But here's the kicker. Wild Magic," she pointed to the screen, "wild mage," she pointed to herself.
"You guys can alter probability?" asked Karen.
"Only when using wild magic," replied Eden, "much like a card shark who's played poker for thirty years will likely have a lot more luck than a rookie would."
A thought came to Karen. "But Antisthenes, he uses axomatic magic…"
"Which means if he tries to even find this rootkit, his luck is going to turn rotten pretty quickly. The best plumber in town is pretty good at clogging drains, but he couldn't work as an architect. Antisthenes is trying to do such a thing every time he tries to find that rootkit. Now, first thing's first." She started to type. "We have to find a way for you to deal with Freddy."
"Like I told you, I already lost!" replied Karen. "All because of one dumb mistake…"
"Well, if you could have that turn over, what then?" asked Eden.
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Can't believe I'm losing to a fucking tree, thought Ferd.
(F: 7,900) - - - - - - - - - - (D: 6,900)
Of course, he still had all his life points, but his foe had the better monster. It didn't look all-too impressive. A young girl in a purple dress and bonnet, and a long, magical staff set with a purple stone. Of course, the bigger monster behind her, a large dolphin with a deeper purple hide and a jeweled headdress looked a bit more formidable.
But their eyes. The were cold, dead, and lifeless. Both the girl and the dolphin didn't move at all, didn't even seem to breathe, looking at Ferd like two slabs of stone. (2,800 DEF)
"Here!" said Ferd. He set two of his cards, then made a beckoning gesture at them. "Come and get me!"
The being responded quickly, using a new Spell Card. "Eh, Dark World Dealings, huh?" asked Ferd. He drew a card, then went over his to decide what to discard, while still talking. "So why the devil would a bunch of bookworms plant a viper elm on purpose anyway?"
"Such matters are too much for your feeble mortal mind to comprehend," it snarled. Then it cleared its throat again."But I digress, the yearn for knowledge leads even the highest echelons of such matters to do foolish things.
"I draw, then discard Shaddoll Hedgehog. It's effect gains me another. Desperation leads mortals to do even more for it, I'm personally intrigued that a simpleton like you would even come here and risk death facing it."
"Yeah, yeah," replied Ferd. "You think I'm afraid of death? Some days I'd welcome it."
"Then I will try to accommodate you," it answered. "I Flip Summon Shaddoll Falco."
With a shrill squawk, the card flipped, revealing a dark, feisty-looking crow. While it hovered, its wings didn't flap. (600 ATK)
"It's effect allows me to take another Shaddoll from my Graveyard and set it. I then activate Instant Fusion to summon El Shaddoll Winda."
Well, at least he won't be attacking with her, thought Ferd.
But that didn't make this one any less creepy. Like Wendigo, it was a young girl with a larger companion, but the girl was a little older, with green hair in a ponytail. Her pet was less pleasant too, a dragon about the size of a bull, with dark scales and a ferocious, wolf-like head. (2,200 ATK)
"I next activate Neo Shaddoll Fusion, equipping it to Winda and changing its Attribute to Water." The addition caused the creepy girl to close her eyes, her hair and dress turning blue. Then she, her pet, and Shaddoll Falco both collapsed into liquid with a shrill, mournful wail. A chill went up Ferd's spine.
The puddle they had collapsed into grew, then a humanoid monster started to rise out of it. It was female again, but an adult now, a vaguely oriental woman in a pink dress and long cloak and a headdress. However, both the cloak and headdress had sharp, blade-like spokes. She also wore a white, expressionless mask.
"Ugh, kabuki," sighed Ferd. "Bor-ing!"
Those same dead eyes looked at Ferd, and El Shaddoll Anoyatyllis lifted her hands. Even Ferd flinched a little as six-inch claws sprouted from the fingers. (2,700 ATK)
"Okay, okay! I take it back!"
"This monster's effect prevents both players from Special Summoning from the Graveyard or hand using Spells or Traps," explained the being. "But don't forget, as I sent El Shaddoll Winda and Shaddoll Falco to my own Graveyard to summon it, and the first one's effect gains me a Trap Card from there, while the second summons itself in set position."
"How could I forget?" sighed Ferd. "Oh, jeeze…" The last exclamation came as Anoyatyllis started to sing. It was a horrid, wordless song of pure hate as it launched itself at Terrorking Archfiend claws-first.
This was enough to make him panic.
0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0
As Karen listened and Eden typed, the Shadowchaser didn't know what to believe. Her explanation sounded crazy, yet still, crazy enough to be true.
"So you're saying Antisthenes is a," she said, struggling for the right word.
"Time Lord?" asked Eden. "Time manipulator? Chronomancer? Yes and no. He can't travel through time, but he can affect temporal energy to a limited degree. Here's the thing." She pointed to an odd chart she had brought up on the screen, two maps inside two circles, with a meandering path through a void.
"See, the Region of Dreams, or simply Dream, is a plane somewhere in the deep ethereal, where a dreamer's astral form goes to when he or she sleeps. By doing so, dreamscapes are created by the dreamer, small areas where the dream occurs. In a sense, every dreamer is a guest of this place, paying a lease via their emotions, which the inhabitants subsist on. Most of the residents are benign beings who bestow pleasant dreams upon their charges. Some, however, prefer the unique taste of fear, anger, and sadness, creating horrid nightmares."
"Now, time and space is mutable there, and each dreamscape has its own rules for each, which the 'guests' have no control over. Ten minutes in one dreamscape could equal years in another.
"Freddy is a unique corruption of this place. He sabotages dreams, invading the dreamscapes of others, uninvited and unwanted by the hosts and the other guests. He's a threat to the dreamers and the dream world.
"But here's where our friend Antisthenes comes in." She pointed to the path, where a small blur had been superimposed. "Most dreamscapes fade away when the dreamer wakes up, but should a dreamscape be given stability via outside influence, you enter the same one upon falling asleep again, because you can't 'lease' two dreamscapes at the same time. Clever mages have, in effect, created 'timeshare' dreamscapes, meaning they use the same dreamscape each time they sleep, and can keep expanding and building them.
"Unfortunately, for them, the natives of Dream charge them a very steep fee. Wizards who do this rarely have any emotion at all because they've been sucked dry."
"Keep going," said Karen.
"Well, your Dreamscape has been stabilized by an outside force, namely Antisthenes, who is using a powerful time-warping effect that would rewind reality within it should you start dreaming again, bringing you to the instant before you left." The hands stopped typing and she leaned on them as she looked at the screen. "But until you do… time passes there just as it would here. And he's still there."
"So then," said Karen. "Oh, dear God – that means he knows I left! He's likely pissed!"
Eden nodded. "Exactly. If i were to guess, this stability would make him a prisoner until such time as you went there to finish. Beatrice would probably tell you about that later."
Seeing the look on her face, she turned to Karen and held her by the shoulders. "Karen, calm down. We can do this. He's just another monster like all the others you and your allies have fought before. The only reason he's so tough is because he was in a movie franchise that turned stale after about the third sequel. He can't die there."
"But villains can win here too," replied Karen, softly. "I already lost the duel."
"True," said Eden, "but sooner or later, the choice will be between going to face him or ending up the way Belle did, becoming Antisthenes' blackmailed pawn forever. Probably happened to Beatrice too. Besides, you might still be able to beat him."
"HOW?" gasped Karen. "You saw my hand, field, and Graveyard! I have nothing! All because of my stupid mistake!"
"Like I said, what if you could take back that mistake?" asked Eden. "Sure, most of these controls are pretty complicated, but I think you can handle the rewind command."
"Rewind it?" gasped Karen.
"That's right," replied Eden. "All you have to do is rewind a little bit further than Beatrice intends. In theory, you'll pick up the duel before you made that mistake, and you'll be able to take that turn over."
Karen watched wide-eyed, as the hands started to type faster. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed a toolbox on the table. As Eden went on, she started to rifle through it.
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Ferd was, again, fleeing from the creature, panicked from that last assault. Commander was still backing him up, but he knew those two Fusions were gaining.
(F: 7,200) - - - - - - - - - - (D: 5,900)
"I ain't done yet, fellah," he shouted while running, "and neither is my King! This card ain't a Trap or Spell!"
He grabbed Desrook Archfiend, and shoved it into his Graveyard, its effect causing a small bit of warmth as Terrorking caught up to them. (2,000 ATK )
"I despise Fiends," said the creature. "Just when you think you're rid of the vile beasts, they show up again. And again, and again, and again, and AGAIN, and AGAIN!"
The pure ferocity of that statement was such that Ferd nearly tripped, stumbling into a familiar-looking courtyard.
"No way," he said.
He was facing that awful tree again, and both the El Shaddolls were there now. Oddly enough, their smiles were even more unnerving that the emotionless frowns.
"One more," said the thing. It created another two other set cards, one of them likely the one it had gained using Winda. "Make your move."
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"The Dirty Pair?" asked Sofia. "Never heard of them."
By now, Philip - who clearly had - was rushing to get dressed as Jalal filled her in.
"Protagonists of a long-running manga and anime series," added Jalal. "Who first appeared in 1980s light novels. Called 'Trouble Consultants' in their own reality."
"Meaning they're supposed to deal with trouble," added Philip, "and usually just make it worse."
"Cross James Bond with Flash Gordon and Charlie's Angels," explained Jalal, "remove any semblance of subtlety and throw in a very potent dose of Finagle's Law, and that's the basic premise. Yuri and Kei are known for having such incredible bad luck that things tend to be destroyed when they show up."
"Things?" asked Sofia, her tone turning nervous. "As in houses? Cars? Towns?"
"In this case, 'things' often refers to space stations, moons planets, stars, that sort of thing. To put it bluntly, the biggest disaster that happened when they showed up eradicated several systems, and the reason the death count was low was because an evacuation procedure that had been tailored specifically for them had been prepared."
"I read that one," added Philip. "The bad guys were a doomsday cult, and also the Pair's fan club. Only case I know of where those two terms were mutually exclusive".
"I see your point," replied Sofia.
"We have to expect the worst here," said Jalal, "that they have the potential to cause such a cataclysm here. Thing is, we have the chance to prevent it first. They were last seen driving a stolen D-Wheel towards Charlotte, but I have no idea what their specific goal is, and I need you to -"
"Charlotte?" Philip interrupted. "Jalal, wait." He picked up the receiver to listen closer. "Jalal, I think I might have an idea on that, you mind if I ride shotgun here?"
The reluctance was clearly in his voice when the answer came, "Fine, Philip, fine, but explain it on the way, I need you two there yesterday. Hurry!"
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Ferd drew, then groaned a little. "Uh, yeah, that's the 800 points of damage I take from Terrorking. I'll, uh, I'll activate Allure of Darkness."
(F: 6,400) - - - - - - - - - - (D: 5,900)
He drew twice, and the panic inside him started to ebb. Hey… he thought. He took another monster, disposing of it in his vest pocket.
"I'll summon… THIS!"
Like a volcano erupting, a geyser of lava spouted around him in a torrent of hellfire. Rising from it was a titanic Fiend that was the same general body shape as Terrorking, but with a full carapace of bone armor, much of it skulls. It had a sword with a jagged edge that was almost as long as he was tall, made of blood-red metal. (1,500 ATK)
"Archfiend Emperor, the First Lord of Horror! That's right, I was able to bring this guy out without Special Summoning and it didn't cost squat. Course, he's not as tough as he usually is cause of it, but he doesn't have to attack to make you feel sorry. His effect can destroy one of your cards, if I banish one of mine. Think I'll aim for… her!"
He pointed to Wendigo, and there was a loud scream as twin beams of energy flashed from Emperor's eyes, and reduced Wendigo to a pile of ashes.
"Wait, wait, my Terrorking is feeling left out!" he proclaimed. "I'm using this card, Checkmate, but I have to sacrifice an Archfiend to do it."
As he used it, Archfiend Emperor started to sink into the lava again, slowly, as Terrorking bathed in the flames, howling in bloodlust.
"Know what locusts do to trees?" asked the mul. "Attack directly!"
The powerful swarm was on fire this time, and it ignored the two Shaddoll, tearing through the vile plant behind them, viciously chewing through its leaves and bark.
There was dead silence for a few seconds, then…
"Now you've done it," said Gamma's voice.
"Tell it to the marines," said Ferd. One of his Traps lifted up, and another demon, smaller than the Emperor, but still pretty big, emerged from the lava with a savage wail. (2,900 ATK) Archfiend Empress landed, then made another leap, somersaulting while spinning her staff and howling in fury.
"Wax his El Shaddoll Anoyatyllis!" ordered Ferd. "Infernal Tempest!"
"I activate Heaviness," replied Gamma.
"What, Heaviness?" asked Ferd.
One of its Quickplay Spell lifted, and Empress' stumbled a little as she landed. (800 ATK)
"This Spell Card reduces the Attack Score of your monster by that of its Defense Score."
"So I see," said Ferd, "but I can still use her effect, and banish my Archfiend General to protect her."
Anoyatyllis swatted the larger demon aside with her claw, knocking her over on her behind. Still, Ferd seemed far more hurt than she was as he disposed of the General's card.
(F: 4,500) - - - - - - - - - - (D: 3,900)
"Okay, that was a bust…" he said.
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"Here we go," said Eden.
She brought up a screen, and a picture of Karen's face was next to some long bars of data, along with representations of the cards in her deck. A timer was there, marking "34:21", along with a lot of info Karen couldn't identify.
"Seems about right," said Eden. "You must have woken up from that dream thirty-four minutes and 21 seconds into it. If we rewind the dial a little, we can…"
"Isn't this cheating?" asked Karen.
Eden looked at her funny. "The guy's a demonic nightmare lord who murders children, do you really think anyone's going to object?"
"Good point. Give me five minutes."
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Ferd's set card opened. He always felt nervous when he used Reckless Greed, but this was one time he needed all he could get. He drew twice.
He set the two cards. "Guess that's all. It's your move."
"I just despise uncooperative test subjects," it said. A new card appeared with the three it already had, then the two set monsters started to turn up. "It would be so more convenient if I could get volunteers."
The first monster was, again, Shaddoll Falco (600 ATK), but the second was a large cross between a dragon and some sort of great cat, with wings and limbs that seemed rickety and partially mechanical. (1,900 ATK)
It bellowed, causing Archfiend Commander to struggle against a fierce, vile wind, before turning into a card, that nearly blew away before Ferd caught it.
"Okay, this could be a problem," he said.
"It's about to get worse," continued the thing, "because I also have Re-Fusion." The Equip Spell activated, causing El Shaddoll Winda to appear again.
(F: 4,500) - - - - - - - - - - (D: 3,100)
"And by using the copy of Neo Shaddoll Fusion I regained when you, ahem, waxed Wendigo, I shall change Shaddoll Dragon's Attribute to Earth, and then fuse it with Winda to summon El Shaddoll Shekhinaga."
This summoning was unlike any Ferd had seen in the game. First, Dragon and Winda froze, and turned into statues of metal, which then shattered and broke apart, into pieces of scrap metal plating. As a dark, shadowy, vaguely female figure started to rise from the ground, the metal flew around and one by one, bonded to her creating armor, as she continued to grow in size.
Ultimately, the Fusion Monster formed completely, a woman in armor that seemed archaic, but had no style Ferd could truly place. ("Kind of like what a space alien would think up if it landed in feudal Japan and went to work for a blacksmith," he'd later say.) Regardless, the armor had too many bladed edges, and the woman's face was still cold, emotionless, and placid. (2,600 ATK)
Ferd's Quickplay Spell opened, and Pandemonium started to form around them again. "Demise of the Land! Since you Special Summoned, I can activate the Field Spell! Always good to bring a spare!"
"Yes, yes, quite," said the being. "Now then, let's pause to partake of the effects of those two monsters I sent to the Graveyard. This time, I believe I'll use Dragon's effect to destroy Escape from the Dark Dimension, and with it, your Empress!"
There was a shrill ripple as the Trap shattered, and the portal started to reopen. Empress looked worried as she turned towards it.
"S'okay, I've got you," assured Ferd. "I can banish Trance Archfiend from my Graveyard, and Empress survives that!"
The portal started to shudder a little, and Gamma's face quivered, looking somewhat indecisive. Then it shook its head, and the imploded. Empress breathed a sigh of relief.
"Ahem," it said again. "I use the effect of Winda to, again, regain a Spell Card."
"You realize you could have just countered Empress's effect using that guy's effect, right?" asked Ferd.
"True, but i'd have had to discard another Shaddoll," it added.
Then its facedown Trap activated, and Shaddoll Core appeared again. "And had I done that it would have made summoning this all the more difficult!"
He can't possibly mean, thought Ferd.
He DID. The El Shaddoll Fusion card appeared again, and the earth around them started to tremble. A giant hand ripped out of the earth, toppling the sinister tree like a twig, an arm following…
"Holy shit," said Ferd.
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The forest around the set of standing stones that marked the entrance to the Feywild had seen better days. Whole trees had been knocked over, and one of the stones had been shattered. The brutal fight had taken as much a toll on the place as it had on the two fighters, who were both bruised, battered and wounded.
Who had won? Neither. Sheeva's assumption that she wouldn't survive had been false.
Now she was holding him. With his head resting against her bosom. Both were fast asleep with the remaining stones surrounding them broken and shattered.
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Ferd wanted to try running again, but he was pretty much frozen in fear as the rest of the titan started to pull itself from the ground, and he doubted he'd get very far this time anyway.
This monster seemed to be the same female demon as El Shaddoll Shekhinaga and el Shaddoll Anoyatyllis, but not only was it enormous, dwarfing the other two, its clothing was very different, not cloth or metal, but some weird combination of both, resembling a skirt, headdress, corset, gloves, and boots, all of which seemed grafted upon its flesh, which also seemed oddly metallic. "She" (it looked female, but clearly not human) was impossibly thin, with the same calm expression and closed eyes…
Until it looked down and opened them. The eyes of El Shaddoll Construct were gazing down on him. Ferd not only wanted to run now, he wanted to scream…
(2,600 ATK)
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"Okay, this will be cutting it very close, but it should work," said Eden.
With five clicks of the mouse, the timer set to 28:21. A sixth click activated a Run command. Then a progress bar appeared, slowly starting to fill.
"This alteration will take 35 minutes to finish. A fail-safe is installed here preventing anyone from halting the program. As in, anyone, including me." She pointed to the shutdown clock on the wall, which now logged at 37 minutes, and still counting down. That means, it will be reset when the all clear is given, meaning you'll likely have two minutes before they even realize anything is amiss."
She held Karen by the shoulders. "When that door opens, run. Run for the exit she showed you, don't look back. If you fall asleep after then, the nanos won't prevent dreams anymore, and…"
Karen nodded and took a deep breath. "I'll try," she said. "Until then, I have to…"
Then, electricity surged through both of them. As if a bolt of lightning had struck each of them it from within.
And it had. The nightmares Karen would experience for months afterwards were worse than what Freddy could have devised. But for now, It all went dark.
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Ferd looked up at El Shaddoll Construct, nearly spellbound by its eyes.
"Now I have the strength and the means," bellowed Gamma through the mouth of El Shaddoll Construct, "to crush you and your Fiends like insignificant vermin!"
To prove it, the abomination lifted one of its boots, the shockwave as it stomped throwing the mul against the concrete wall behind him as Archfiend Empress was smashed flat.
"Ow…" he whined. "Ugh... You've got a serious attitude problem, there, fellah. I activate her other effect! I can summon one Archfiend from my Graveyard. Guess who it is?"
Like before, there was a rumble, and the Archfiend Emperor rose from the lava. Despite its size, however, it was barely knee-high to the colossus it now faced.
"And now, it's full-strength." (3,000 ATK)
"Irrelevant!" boomed the giant. "As your Empress discovered, Construct wins a battle with a Special Summoned monster automatically, no matter how powerful it is.
"But that is hardly needed to deal with your weaker king. Crush the Terrorking Archfiend with Blade Storm!"
El Shaddoll Shekhinaga started to concentrate, and jagged, sharp metal started to fly around it at high speed.
"I activate the Trap Card, Sog's Shield!" shouted Ferd. The card flipped up, and Terrorking held out his wrist, a shield shaped like a skull with horns on the top forming on it. "By giving up 800 Life Points, my Terrorking can take it."
Still, it was harder for him to. As the metal blades stabbed downward, they embedded themselves in the shield, causing Terrorking to strain and Ferd to do so even more.
El Shaddoll Anoyatyllis came next, lunging at the fiend, but this time, Ferd wasn't going to run. "I pay 800 Life Points to use it again! URGH!"
The shield cracked, but still stood, and Terrorking was safe. For the moment.
(F: 2,900) - - - - - - - - - - (D: 3,100)
"Well then, I'll end there," it said. "In case you haven't noticed the gravity of your situation, you have no cards in your hand other than that monster I sent back there, no Spell or Traps set, and as you used Reckless Greed last turn, you can't draw this turn. On the other hand, Construct would crush your emperor should you try to attack it, while my Shekhinaga will crush it if you try to use its effect, while my Anoyatyllis prevents you from Special Summoning from your hand or Graveyard."
"I've got one option left, Tinkerbell," added Ferd. Sog's Shield on Terrorking's wrist shattered. "By paying 1,000 more Life Points, I can draw once for every 1,000 points of damage I lost from those attacks."
(F: 1,900) - - - - - - - - - - (D: 3,100)
"Well, by all means, do so," it said. "And again, I'd like to thank you for your participation." The eyes on the colossus glittered. "Hope you've enjoyed it as much as I have…"
"Try not to make much of a mess when we end this, hmm?"
Ferd's hand quivered as he went to draw a card…
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With a casual "thank you" to Opal, Sofia and Philip had left rather quickly, and were speeding down the highway in the direction of Charlotte, the largest city in North Carolina. It had always been much quieter in regards to Shadows than Raleigh was, and Philips claims were now somewhat odd. As Jalal had insisted, he was relaying them what their founder had told him and the other members of the Determined, that one time he had seen her. The new communicators on the duel Disks functioned equally well in D-Wheel mode.
"I only know this from description and hearsay, mind you," he said, "it was a little before my time. Back in 1937, Antisthenes sent a group of thugs to search the old Wentworth Psychiatric Hospital in Charlotte, believing something, possibly one of the Memory Crystals, was hidden in the cellars. Our group showed up too, having received the same tip-off, and it was, as far as they know, the first actual conflict between the two factions ending with survivors on both sides, meaning it was where each became fully aware of the other. Thing is, it seemed whatever had tipped them off had been wrong; nothing was in the cellars of the old place, and the incident only contributed to it closing."
As he was talking, Jalal was viewing website info on that old hospital, which was now a memorial site. He wondered if it had gained that status simply because it would have been too expensive to remodel or demolish it. The place looked like a fortress, with European Victorian design. As he viewed the screen, the name of it was typed into a special search engine, wired to the same device Opal had used.
Anything happens there, we should know, he thought.
"From what I've heard," continued Philip, "the place was considered, uhm, average quality for such institutions at the time…"
"Meaning it was a hellhole," replied Sofia.
"Sadly, yes," replied Jalal. "This place had all the history of the typical lunatic asylum, sub-par living conditions, abusive staff, and questionable treatment methods, including shock therapy and lobotomies."
"Right, right, those places were pretty rotten," said Philip. "Like I said, we found a lot of bad stuff there, but nothing out of the ordinary. But, there's been some thought on what Antisthenes was really after. We figured someone was using a magical device that would measure, analyze, and store the pain, fear, and despair of the inmates, using it as an energy source."
"Whatever for?" asked Sofia.
"Nobody knows, but we figured that it was a project Antisthenes was secretly funding, and his men were sent to recover the results, that he was up to no good when he used it. It's not a stretch to think this Dirty Pair is going there for some reason."
"Well, it seems they're there, all right," replied Jalal. "And it seems…"
There was a long pause. A blip on the screen had indicated the name "Wentworth Psychiatric Hospital" had come up on the alert.
"...seems they just ordered 200 pizzas and 300 orders of Buffalo wings to be sent there…"
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Jalal had experienced things where wondered if the Powers that Be were laughing at him. One case he remembered investigating was where he came expecting to find blood on a corpse, only to find ketchup on a drunk partygoer. (As it turned out, he had insulted a minotaur one too many times at a barbecue, and the also-drunk minotaur did it claiming he was going to eat him; one could only hope he had never been serious.)
Still, some things can be bizarre on the surface, hiding dire danger that must be dealt with.
"Burning down the House" is coming soon.
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Crazed Mage of Endion (Fusion Monster)
Spellcaster/Lvl5/2,200ATK/300DEF
1 DARK warrior-Type monster plus any "Shaddoll" monster
Effect: When this card is Fusion summoned, effects of the monsters used a Fusion Material that activate in the Graveyard are not applied. If this card is destroyed by battle and you take damage, draw 2 cards, then discard any "Shaddoll" cards drawn by this effect.
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Sog's Shield (Trap Card)
Normal Trap
Image: An Archfiend Soldier with many arrow wounds, scars, and a broken horn in a fighting stance holding the - intact - shield from "Cursed Armaments", charging at an unseen enemy.
Effect: Activate when a Fiend-Type monster that is in Attack Position is targeted for an attack. Equip this card to the attack target as an Equip Spell. Until the End Phase of the turn, if the equipped monster would be targeted by an attack, you may pay 800 Life Points; if you do, the equipped monster is not destroyed by the attack. Destroy this card during the End Phase of the turn, and if you took 1,000 or more points of battle damage this turn as a result of battles involving the equipped monster that turn, draw 1 card. ,
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Shadowchaser Files
Races: Mephits
Here we have Bob. He's been dating Alice for a while. Well, up until a week ago. That was when he cheated on her once, and was caught. He hasn't been the same since. Eventually, Bob decides to apologize, sending Alice a dozen roses and an apology card.
The next day, he gets an odd visitor. A diminutive, imp-like creature, whose thin, gaunt, winged body is… made entirely of ice.
"You Bob?" says the small creature in a whiny, nasally tone. "Heh, Alice could've done better, but…"
Bob groans and leans against the wall. An ice mephit. She's still angry. Could have been worse though, it could have been salt, although he had really been hoping for radiance.
Oh, forgot to mention. Bob is a practitioner of the dark arts, as is Alice. And among such wizards, a mephit is the gift you send as a message to someone you're angry at or don't like. Mephits are never sent to friends, as any such wizard knows.
Overview
Mephits are a type of never-born, but it is doubtful the respectable ones in the Fellowship of Galatea would associate with them. Composed of elemental material, they resemble imps from the Lower Planes, but made of some sort of inorganic matter or energy. The process to create a mephit is similar to summoning an elemental, but with less emphasis on raw power and more on intelligence and manual dexterity. Some believe that the first mephits were created by a wizard who fudged a summoning spell due to a bad hangover. (Lots of jokes are made about mephits, many of them told by them.)
A more complex and likely more accurate story credits their creation to an ogre mage who worked as an alchemist for hire amongst some barbaric humanoids. When told to find a way to create an expendable army in the fastest way possible (seems they needed one quickly for a crisis) he worked on some elementalist techniques, and created a fire mephit. When he found that its bad attitude made it too undisciplined to even fight as the lowliest grunt, he altered the technique a little, creating the first lava, smoke, and steam mephits. While they were slight improvements, they proved far more of a liability as soldiers than they'd ever be a benefit.
Eventually, he decided to cancel this experiment, figuring the only way he'd find a use for these things is if he had to give a gift to someone he hated. Then he figured, "Huh, why not?" and started an odd tradition.
In any case, the wizard who desires to create a mephit takes a small amount of the corresponding element (about three pounds, or the equivalent) casts the required incantation, and the mephit is formed from the material. Nobody ever crafts one for himself, that would be the magic equivalent of buying a Chia Pet for your own personal use. Nor do they ever send them to friends. (It's a good way to lose friends.) A mephit's creator will rarely keep the mephit around longer than necessary, sending it to the intended recipient right away, so its life is usually rather short, unless the recipient is soft-hearted enough to release it or desperate enough for cheap labor to keep it around. (Of course, if the recipient lets it go, it quickly finds other folks to annoy.) Most simply get angry at the message and crush the creature quickly, something that tends to happen after a while anyway.
Mephits are, to say the least, annoying. They're rude, sarcastic, and tell really bad jokes at the most inappropriate times. If they get money, they usually spend it on booze and cigarettes, and tend to smoke the latter in ways to purposely annoy folks. They cuss like sailors, and use the most offensive slurs. (Had Alice gotten one from Bob, it would likely comment on her bust size before she incinerated it.)
While few self-respecting white magic practitioners resort to message by mephit, some have indeed done so when driven to the edge of patience. These days, it's frowned upon for the same reason necromancy is illegal. In any case, these are not the gifts you give to someone you like or someone you want to make amends with. (Had Alice been willing to forgive Bob, she wouldn't have sent a mephit.)
A brief description of mephits and their uses follows:
Ice Mephits: Sculpted of ice or snow, these beings tend to be uppity and aloof, criticising the recipient's appearance. Sending one means the recipient is forbidden to approach the sender, and a sender might send more than one to encourage a worse punishment for doing so. (In the above example, Alice was, in a nutshell, telling Bob, "Don't come near me.")
Salt Mephits: Crude, foul-mouthed boorish fiends made of salt crystals. sending one is an open declaration of war. (Had Alice sent this, she'd want Bob dead and had likely already killed the girl he cheated with.)
Radiance Mephits: Theseare made of pure light, and try to act polite in ways that sound forced and exaggerated. Sending one is an offer of a truce and capitulation. (Alice would be saying in this case she's saddened by the breakup and is willing to talk, but not reconcile. Yet.)
Fire Mephit: Hot tempered imps that tend to freak at loud noises and often set fires for one means displeasure at an enemy's actions, ranging from disapproval to downright fury depending upon how many mephits are sent. (In this case, Alice would send the flowers back with the mephit, with a note calling his attempt pathetic.)
Air Mephits: Lazy creatures who tend to eat and sleep when they aren't doing what they were created to do, often fits the description of a mooching one is a sneaky threat from an adversary when the sender intends an ambush or betrayal, almost always directed to arrive after it's too late to prevent the attack attempt. (Had Alice decided to send this, she likely would have pretended to reconcile with Bob, and be ready to kill him while at his house right as it arrived.)
Water Mephits: These tend to drink far more than they should, and are drunk more often than not. Sending one is a sarcastic dig when you've survived the recipient's ambush. (Had Alice chosen the above scenario with the air mephit and Bob had escaped, he might send this type back to Alice.)
Ash Mephit: These morbid beings have an unhealthy obsession with death, and often describe in graphic detail how their allies will likely meet their ends. Sending one is a rude message that the giver doesn't even think the recipient is worth corresponding with any more. (Had Alice gotten a new lover and wanted to rub Bob's nose in it, she'd send this, likely with a photo of her with her new beau.)
Earth Mephit: Muscular, for mephits, they tend to show off their muscles and boast about exaggerated skills. Sending one means the sender will not concede to what the sender wants. (Alice would have sent this simply to say "No!" but without a threat.)
Dust Mephit: These weak-willed mephits tend to whine and complain about everything. Sending one is a subtle threat, with the additional message that the sender has caught on to a plot orchestrated by the recipient. (Alice knows Bob just wants to get in her pants, and would like to see him try it.)
Lava Mephit: The "dumb muscle" of mephits, emphasis on "dumb". They have a hard time getting requests made to them right, and often cause accidents due to being made of lava. Sent to openly gloat, having bested the recipient at an intellectual or physical goal. (Alice is cuckolding Bob, having seduced someone he's close to, likely sending a photograph.)
Lightning Mephit: Made of electricity, literally, these mephits talk to fast and talk way too much, often jumbling words. They can move very fast, but tend to crash into things. Sent as a warning to the sender that his current tactics will only make it worse. (Alice would be saying, "Flowers? Humph. Try steak and wine, and I might be more willing to talk.") Might also be a hollow threat or a bluff. (Alice might be pining for him more than she is showing.)
Ooze Mephit: Dirty, sloppy, ugly beings made of mud, any home or business they enter becomes filthy and smelly in a matter of as an insult by a sender to tell the recipient he's pathetic. (Alice would be mocking Bob's manhood here and call him impotent and deluded.)
Mineral Mephit: Made of crystals and gems, mostly zirconia, they are overly flattering towards their masters, complimenting them on every little thing until patience is tried. Sending one indicates a willingness to compromise on some point and a corresponding exchange of power. Also a request for more direct communication. (Alice is still upset, but willing to start afresh, so long as Bob proves he's changed.)
Mist Mephit: Pathetic beings that tend to weep and cry about their own miserable lot in life, they are made of cold mist. Sent as mysterious warning that someone close to the recipient is trying to kill, ruin, or otherwise badly harm him. This message is usually used to encourage paranoia and insecurity between the recipient and his allies. (Alice is suggesting the girl he cheated with is someone he should watch out for, but also slightly suggesting the girl is Alice's ally or pawn.)
Smoke Mephit: Made of - naturally - smoke, these mephits also chain smoke, often smoking the smelliest cigars and pipeweed they can find, usually coughing as they do. Sent as a gesture of insolence and contempt that amounts to a declaration of a vendetta. (Not only does Alice refuse to forgive Bob, she will seek revenge whenever possible.)
Steam Mephit: Mephits made of boiling water, they have a sick sense of humor and play nasty pranks on other mephits. Sent as a message of agreement, but combined with arrogance and gloating; there's the connotation of a gloating 'I told you so' to the acceptance. (Alice has told Bob here, "Look who's come crawling back!" while telling him to grovel a little more.)
Shadow Mephit: The rarest, most powerful type of mephit, and the only type that is outright evil. Made of darkness (not elemental material) It's rarely used as a messenger due to the cost. If it is, it means an enemy (not necessarily the sender) has discovered the recipient's plans, has subverted them, and is now manipulating them to his own ends. For those most likely to use mephits, it's one of the most feared messages, because they never can tell which of their enemies and which of their many plans and schemes this concerns. This may make a lot of recipients nervous, paranoid, and generally makes them change plans or make mistakes. Of course, it could be a bluff, but again, the costly procedure is rarely worth a bluff. (In this case, Alice has likely been using Bob all along, has possibly anticipated his cheating, and may have actually orchestrated it, the other girl being her ally or pawn all along. Bob would realize that reconciliation is the least of his problems.)
There are rumors of other types, including glass, obsidian, and sulfur, but if they exist, they are used for other means.
Oddly enough, mephits who survive long enough do manage to earn a few sympathizers among other races. Jokes about them trying to find wizards willing to make them human often gives way to ones with sadder tones where they experience self-pity and self loathing. A few are often led to believe that their trollish attitude is a way of coping; only a few, however, as its rare to find therapists willing to psychoanalyze them.
Story Ideas
In any story where an evil wizard is involved and a threat (or "dear john letter") is needed, a mephit can be used. These nasty gifts are a worse reminder that an acquaintance hates you than getting an ugly sweater for Christmas. They also tend to have unique personalities, though all are unpleasant. Even worse, they usually appear in teams. (Most wizards who receive these gifts destroy them quickly, but some despise waste and find some use for them.) It's not a stretch for a "goldfish poop gang" of these guys to appear as comic relief villains in a larger work.
If there's one thing mephits do well, it's cooperate among their own kind, something most elementals rarely do. (Except steam mephits, who tend to be bullies among other mephits.) Even mephits of elements that oppose each other (say, fire and water) can make half-decent teams, which is almost unheard of among elementals.
It's very possible to portray mephits as sympathetic, as they are not truly born evil; a storyline involving some of them trying to find acceptance would be doable. Still, they aren't all-too reliable as allies even then.
Deck Suggestions
Duel Monsters is a game that is a frivolous and whimsical endeavor for some and a matter of life and death for others, one where elemental powers play a big role. It's perfect for mephits. They may focus on the more unusual aspects of elemental magic, like a deck with both Wind and Earth monsters focusing on Desert Twister, or Fire and Water focusing on Frost and Flame Dragon. (The ideal setup would be two of these in a tag-duel.)