Toxic Rose flashback: Love, Bonds and Warnings
A/N:I know it's been a while. School has been kicking my ass :( but this chapter is finally here. I read the reviews and I know you guys want more Rosalie and Bella, so I decided to compile all the chapters that take time in the past together into one mega chapter. This way we can go back to the main focus of the story: the toxic relationship between the two girls. There is some Alice/Rosalie, so be warned. But its for the plot! (Most of it is in the beginning) Until next time, cheers!
Part One: What is love, baby don't hurt me, no more
Definition of love: Love is a variety of different feelings, states, and attitudes that ranges from interpersonal affection to pleasure. It can refer to an emotion of a strong attraction and personal attachment.
I threw the book across the room with a huff of frustration before slouching into my seat and blowing up a strand of my blonde hair. I had been sitting in the Cullen library since six in the morning and scourging through the extensive collection of books they had in hopes of finding what it was that Alice meant when she said she loved me. But to my ever increasing frustration I couldn't find a suitable answer. What did they even mean by a 'variety of different feelings, states and attitudes'? How could you have different attitudes of love? Did attitude refer to the height of the love? No, wait I was thinking of altitude. Snorting at my own inability to figure anything out I propped my head on my closed fist.
Ugh, why was this so difficult? In the romance books I read it was so easy for the characters to fall in love and to realize they were in it. But real life was so complex. I knew Alice cared for me and wanted me in that way, but was it love? Or just lust?
I let out a sigh that was a cross between a groan and a growl when Alice came waltzing into the library. She skipped towards me and I instantly straightened up in my chair, feeling a bit self conscious for some reason.
"Rosalie!" she smiled happily, coming to a stop in front of my chair. I felt my heart thump at her adorable smile. Was I in love with Alice, perhaps? Could I even be capable of feeling it? All I knew was that now I super conscious of her, the way her body moved, the amount of distance between us, how she looked at me and I didn't know if I liked this new feeling.
"How are you? How's everything?" she asked and I knew she was checking on me. It had been three days since the incident but the horror still hung freshly in my mind. How could I have ever hurt that innocent man, Mr. Black? How could I have ever mistaken him for someone else? I was extremely lucky he didn't choose to sue me.
"Good." I gestured with my hands to the room I was in. "Just trying to do some reading."
"Reading?" Alice quirked a brow, mischievous grin on her face. "Then where's your book?" She looked at my empty hands pointedly and I remembered I had thrown it across the room. I just hoped she wouldn't notice it. It'd be embarrassing if she caught what I had been looking at.
"Unless you can just sit in a library and absorb all the words from being here, then it doesn't look like you were reading," Alice sang, moving to look at the shelves behind here, where my book had fallen close to. I had to get her away from there.
"I was just thinking of what books to read. I hadn't picked one yet." I stood up from my chair and grabbed her by the elbows to steer her in a different direction when she twirled around, and away from my grasp.
"I think you're hiding something," she squealed. "Out with it. What dirty erotic book were you reading right now?"
"What?" I blustered, my face heating up. I had read no such books! "Alice, I don't read books like that."
"Sure," she cooed, her eyes skipping to the floor and noticing how I tried to unsuccessfully nudge the book under the chair. "And what was that book?"
"A dictionary," I said truthfully but Alice wasn't convinced.
Alice made a little noise that said she didn't believe me and stepped closer to the book. I stepped closer to her, to try and block her. She took another step closer, testing me, a smirk on her face. "If it's really just a dictionary then let me see it."
"No," I said, my cheeks red. I didn't want her to see the word I had been looking up because it would make it awkward, it would make us have to face the facts of what we'd done that day in the closet and I didn't want to talk about that yet until I understood what I was feeling, or what she was.
"So, it is a dirty book. Look your even blushing." How Alice wasn't afraid of pushing my buttons was beyond me. Any of the other Cullen's would have stopped trying to insist on getting the book from me, but not her. She wasn't afraid of me because she knew I couldn't hurt her.
"I am not blushing," I insisted, blushing more. She took another step towards me. I eyed her, ready to grab her if she tried to make a move to get past me. But all she did was smirk and say, "Your shirt is unbuttoned." I glanced down, even though I knew I wasn't even wearing a button up shirt, and she took this moment to crawl under my legs and behind me.
"Hey!" I cried out indignantly and reached to grab her. I wrapped my hands around her waist the same time she grabbed the book. "Drop the book!" I pulled her off the floor and she struggled in my grasp, keeping the book above her head, squealing delightedly and and kicking her legs. One of her legs caught me on the inside of my thigh and I went down with her still in my arms. She caught the brunt of the fall, landing flat on her back, with me on my knees and arms above her. She smiled up at me and I felt myself get lost in her gaze, in her smile. But her eyes weren't on me and I soon figured out why.
"Love is a variety of different feelings, states, and attitudes that ranges from interpersonal affection to pleasure. It can refer to an emotion of a strong attraction and personal attachment." She had the dictionary open above my head and was reading from it. I felt my cheeks grow warm as she finished the definition and closed the book with a soft thump. "So that's what you were afraid of me seeing?" she asked, her voice and gaze soft now. I was incredibly aware of how close our bodies were and I could smell the scent of her fruity shampoo from here, wafting up to me along with the warmth from her tiny body. "Did I make you confused with my confession? I didn't mean to, you know." She bit her lip at this and I gulped, listening eagerly as she went on.
"You know, I actually came here to talk to you about this. I wanted to know how you felt about all of it, if anything was even possible between us." She dropped the book gently to the ground, her eyes sliding down my throat and to my collarbone. "I really, really like you, but if it's going to be difficult for you, I don't want that and we can just pretend that those kisses never occurred." Her eyes were still sliding downwards to my chest, and her arms were now rubbing up and down my arms, goosebumps arising in their trail. I could've gotten off of her, could've walked away from this whole conversation. Did I love Alice? I didn't know, but the thought of not kissing her in this moment was unbearable. So I did.
Her lips were perfectly soft against mine and I loved the way they curled up in surprise. Her hands slide up around my shoulders and onto my neck and I leaned down further into the kiss, deepening it. A soft gasp escaped her mouth and I felt a bolt of excitement enter me. I was doing this to her, I was making her happy.
What else could I do to make her feel better? I slipped my tongue into her parted lips and received a loud moan as a reward. But the moment she seemed to realize she had released it, she turned her head to her side, cheeks a fiery red.
"We s-should s-stop before we get caught." Her voice was breathy and I wanted to kiss her once more, to hear that wondrous noise come from her mouth but I backed away, sitting onto my haunches as she sat up. Her cheeks were still flushed and I was pretty sure my own mirrored hers.
"We need to talk about this. Do you, do you want to go out with me?" She looked so uncertain as she asked this I was pretty sure it was a big deal for her. She loves me, I thought. At least according to what I've read so far.
"Alice, I've never been in a relationship before, and I'm pretty messed up. I don't know how they work and I don't want to hurt you." Silly past me, thinking I would be the one to hurt the other.
"I haven't been in a relationship either, but I want to try. And I'm not afraid of you, I know you won't hurt me." She looked at me with such trust in her eyes that I was blown away. How could she believe in me so much, when my own flesh and blood brother didn't?
"We can take this one step at a time," Alice offered and stood up, giving me her hand. I took it and stood next to her, our bodies close but not close enough. "I just, really want to figure this all out and give the thoughts in my head rest. Let's go to my room," she whispered as she placed her face into my chest and I felt my heart jump.
But back in her room we didn't do anything except read girly magazines together and laugh at all the stupid gossip until we fell asleep in each others arms.
It was when I first started dating Alice that my night terrors completely went away.
Part Two: Build rooms, shatter hate
"Rosalie."
I didn't respond.
"Rosalie." The voice calling my name got closer as if it was climbing up the stairs to my room. I still didn't respond, instead snuggling down deeper into my blankets.
"Rosalie!" The pleasant sounding voice sounded a bit exasperated but I only stifled a laugh and kept the blanket over my head. "If you don't wake up now we're going to be late to your therapist appointment." The voice was really close now, it sounding like it came from just behind my closed door.
"Rosalie." A soft knock. "Don't make me come in there." But that was exactly what I wanted. I wanted her to come in.
With a sigh from Alice, she pushed open the door to my room, and with quick strides to my bed she ripped the covers off of me. "Rosalie!"
"What?" I asked, pretending to be annoyed and to have just woken up despite having been awake for a while and purposefully ignoring Alice's calls from the first floor. I rolled onto my back to look up at her, placing an arm over my eyes to block the sunlight from hurting them.
She smiled down at me, taking in my ruffled bed hair and my silk pjs. "It's time to get up. Breakfast is downstairs and ready." She leaned down and gave me a quick peck on the cheek which quickly turned red. "I'll see you downstairs in five. Don't make me come back up to get you," she playfully warned and smiling I sat up, watching her leave the room to go downstairs. I was debating if I should take long just to get her back up here again but decided now was not the time. We had an appointment to go to, and we could spend time together afterwards, working on homework. Carlisle had decided I was now well enough to go to school, so starting next week I would be entering Forks High with Emmett, Edward, Alice and Jasper. Jasper too, had made huge improvements over the months, although over relationship was still as frosty as ever. I had tried to get close to him but no matter what I did he seemed to take it the wrong way. This really pissed me off because I had done so much for him in the orphanage and now he was treating me as if I was trash, as if he was so much holier than me although he had come from the same shithole I had, although he had done despicable things just like me.
Shaking away my thoughts of Jasper I took to washing up and getting dressed. Alice was waiting for me downstairs by the time I was done. She had a mug of hot tea in her hand and was watching the news on TV. She gave me a smile when she noticed me come in and jumped up from her stool in the kitchen to give me a quick kiss. "Hurry up, the foods almost grown legs and walked away by the time you finished."
"Did it now?" I asked skeptically as I sat down on the stool next to hers. I looked down at the food and noted that it was a regular meal of scrambled eggs with a side of toast and bacon. "Cause to me it looks pretty normal."
"Well," Alice scoffed as if I was crazy. She sat down on her stool again and wrapped her arms around my waist, her tiny chin resting on my shoulder. "That's only because I fought it off from doing so. While you were up there getting all pretty I was down here fighting the eggs from flying out the window and the bacon from reassembling into a pig once more."
I felt my face break out into a wide grin and could barely hold in the giggles, but I refused to let Alice know that she was cracking me up. "Still sounds pretty unbelievable to me." I said this trying to sound as if I didn't care but failing to do so.
"Ah, a nonbeliever," Alice said sadly. "The work of food heroes like me goes unnoticed everyday. People don't appreciate that we keep the food on their plates for them. They take us for granted." My body was shaking from keeping in the laughs until I couldn't take it anymore and turned my face to laugh into Alice's chest. She wrapped her arms around my neck until I had laughed myself out. Finally looking up, tears in my eyes and cheeks red with laughter, I said, "Thanks for keeping my food safe."
"All in a days work," Alice said her eyes twinkling mischievously. "Although
we do have a fee." Her voice got lower at this and the silliness from before evaporated, replaced by something more serious.
"And what fee is that?" I asked, my heart now speeding up at how close our faces had become during our conversation; they had floated closer as if drawn together by magnets. I could see every speck of color in her blue eyes, her delicate lashes framing them.
"A kiss from a pure maiden," she whispered, her voice soft now and wanting. I was all too happy to grant her request and pressed my lips against hers, gently at first and then more roughly as she pulled on my neck to tug me closer. I placed my hands on her thighs to steady myself, her stool scooting back with the added weight.
It had been roughly two months since Alice and I had first started dating and each day was a joy, her lighting up my bleak days with her radiant light. We spent countless hours in each others company, doing totally normal things that could be called boring only with her they never were. Even watching paint dry with her would have been fun, as her energetic personality meant that there was always something to do, something to talk about. Of course we also went on dates, though the options were a bit limited as I couldn't watch movies or go to an arcade or a shopping mall. But we managed with what we could, doing sleepovers, makeovers or eating out. My favorite was watching Alice in a Home Goods store. She'd get so excited and pumped about interior decorating that it was impossible to refuse her when she tried to buy anything she could get her hands on in that store. It seemed Esme had instilled in her a love of decorating and the two women when they finally got together would fix up the house. But since Esme was hardly around, I would help out Alice with whatever it was she wanted to do. In those two months we had changed her room so many times that it was hard to count on two hands.
It seemed that the paint would barely dry on the walls before Alice wanted to change it up again. And I indulged her because I loved doing so. But the one question that remained on my mind during those months still was, did I love her?
I knew now she loved me. She called me cute nicknames, loved cuddling up to me, spending time with me. I was almost always on her mind and she always came to me first to show me something new she had discovered. It was all as the romance books and romance magazines dictated. But as for me? I was still new to love but that didn't mean I wouldn't or couldn't try. I did my best to be there for her, to listen to her fears and joys, to comfort her, to be more open. I loved kissing her, and being with her. I was obsessed with the satisfaction I got from knowing she loved me. How had I ever gone on living not having been this deeply loved before? It made me feel whole, unbroken and human. For certain now I knew I needed her in a way that I could not go back from. I liked her, maybe I was even on the verge of loving her, but I was getting really close to the verge of wanting her. I wanted her hands in my hair, lips on my skin and body pressed close to mine. I was still unknowable about those things but my body knew it wanted something, and that it had to get it soon. The kisses weren't going to be enough and Alice clearly felt the same way even though she hadn't said anything about it yet.
We were still kissing at the kitchen table when the slam of a door being opened wide alerted us to a new person's presence. I retracted my tongue from Alice's mouth, her making a small whimper of reluctance at me doing so. But the other Cullen's didn't know about us yet and we wanted to keep it that way.
"Yo, you guys done? We're gonna be late." Emmett's loud voice informed us as he came into the house slamming the door closed behind him as loudly as he had opened it.
"We're coming, just give us a moment," Alice shot back, angry that we had been interrupted. She jumped off the stool and ran her hands through her hair, messing them up into spikes.
"Geez, what's got your panties in a bunch?" Emmett asked and there was a soft thud as Alice punched him in the arm because he had gotten unknowingly close to the truth. "Shut up and get in the car."
"Fine," he huffed, out of arms about the surprisingly agitated small girl. "Rosalie, that means you too."
"I'm coming," I responded, hoping by now that the redness in my cheeks had gone down a bit. I hadn't gotten a chance to even eat my breakfast but it was fine, because now I was hungry for something else entirely.
When we got back from the therapist, Alice sat down at the dining room table with a fat stack of interior design and architecture magazines. Indicating for me to join her, I sat on the chair next to hers.
"What is it?" I asked. "Are you going to change your room again?" Her room was currently a baby sky blue with whales painted onto her walls and a giant clam as her bed.
"No, we're going to change yours," she said excitedly. This caught me off guard. I knew we had talked about this a lot but never thought we would get to do it this soon. Only recently had the pads of my walls been taken away and that was because Alice would sleep over in my room and keep the night terrors away.
"What design did you pick for it?" I leaned over her shoulder as she quickly flipped through some pages before stopping on an image of a yellow room.
"We're going to make it yellow and gold. I think the bright colors will make you happy."
"That sounds great,"I said and I meant it. The light colors were like Alice's personality in a paint can, all yellows and golden hues. A color that made you feel warm and fuzzy inside. "What kind of stuff do we have to buy?"
"Don't worry about that, I already got the paint," Alice said and I smiled. Trust it to Alice to already get all the stuff beforehand. "I was going to surprise you with redecorating it, but I figured it'd be more fun to do it together. Plus I couldn't come up with a good enough reason to keep you out of the house for three days straight."
I found that extremely adorable and I wanted to kiss her for it but then Jasper came into the room. Immediately my mood soured and I gave him a glare as he hesitantly approached us.
"Hello, Alice, Rosalie." He addressed us, ever the gentleman. "What are you ladies doing?"
"Hi, Jazz," Alice responded by using a nickname she had come up for him. She gave all of us nicknames. Emmett's was Emmy, Edward's was Eddy and mine was anything ranging from cupcake to beautiful. "We're just looking at some magazines."
Alice elbowed me in the ribs so I'd say something too. "Hey," I muttered out.
"That's nice. I bet Esme would be glad to see you take after her."
"Come take a look," Alice insisted, beckoning Jasper to us. Jasper seemed startled at this request and swallowed nervously. I leveled a glare at him, watching him flinch at it. I dared him to walk away, dared him to chicken out like I knew he would just because I was there. If it had just been Alice he would have already been standing next to her. Alice knew how I felt about my brothers betrayal and she tried to amend things between us. And so she was doing this to force him to stand next to me.
"It's alright..." he started off weakly. "I was just going to go get a snack from the kitchen. I'll wait for the end results. I bet it'll look great in the end."
"Boo, don't be like that. I don't bite," Alice pouted and kicked her legs under the table like a petulant child. Jasper gave an uncertain look, his expression saying, 'I know you don't bite Alice, but she does'.
I turned my face away, pretending to be interested in some chairs the magazines were advertising.
"I guess I'll look," Jasper said at last and walked slowly around the table, and I could feel his gaze on me even though I wasn't looking, him watching me to see if I'd jump off the chair and leap at his throat. He stood next to Alice, peering down at the magazine she was holding. "I wanna make it yellow and gold."
"That's a nice idea," Jasper commented although I could tell his attention was on watching me, ready to flee should I move dangerously close to him.
"You should help out," Alice suggested. "It'll be much quicker with your help."
"I don't know. I don't have much skill with things like this."
"Nonsense, you'll be fine. Besides it'll give you something new to do. And did I mention its fun?"
"Alice I-" Jasper tried but he had already lost the argument the moment Alice got the idea of Jasper helping her.
And that was why, thirty minutes later and wearing suitable clothes for painting, the three of us were standing in my room awkwardly. Alice stood in the middle, oblivious to how much tension was between me and Jasper. She had two cans of yellow paint opened next to her and was holding some paintbrushes. All the furniture had been wrapped up to prevent paint from getting onto it. "Let's get painting!" She threw her hands in the air but I and Jasper were not feeling the same as she was.
"I thought we were doing your room, Alice," Jasper said, upset he had been fooled.
"No, we're doing Rosalie's room. And since it's her room she has to be here to paint."
Jasper set his lips into a thin smile but took a brush from Alice's small hand and went to the opposite side of the room to paint. Alice looked on at his back as he started to paint, angry brush strokes going up and down, and she just shook her head in exasperation. She came up to me and I took the brush from her. "I don't think this is a good idea," I whispered to her, eyeing Jasper to make sure he couldn't hear us.
"I'm sure it'll work out. We just need something to lighten the situation." She frowned, deep in thought and then with a delighted smirk at reaching a conclusion, she took my brush, dipped it into some paint and flicked it at Jasper.
"Hey," he growled out, annoyed as he grabbed the back of his head where the paint had hit him. "What was that for?" he turned on us accusingly and saw the paintbrush in Alice's hand which she wasn't hiding.
"Whoops. My hand must have slipped," she said, a wide grin on her face.
"Oh really?" Jasper slowly bent to his paint can and dipped his brush in. Then pulling it out quickly he flicked it at her and completely missed, hitting me on the chest. He froze at that, his playful grin gone. I slowly looked down at the mess on my clothes. "Don't tell me your hand slipped too?" I said, a slow grin spreading on my face as I took the brush from Alice and coating it in paint I waved it at him, yellow arcs splashing his face. It was as if the spell was broken and he smiled tentatively before Alice spun the room into complete chaos. Soon we were using the paint not for the walls but for ammo, lobbing globs of it at each other, flecks of color dotting our clothes and skin as we danced around the room.
"Give me that paintbrush!" Jasper hollered as Alice got him in the hair again. She was laughing so hard at this that he was able to snatch her brush and throw it over his shoulder. "Now you're empty handed! Surrender!"
"Never!" she squealed and plunged her hand into the paint before throwing it at him. He was hit right in the face with a handful of paint and it made a wet thwack sound. His eyes opened wide in shock and he spat out some yellow. "Alice!" he cried out angrily and the small girl was too busy leaning against the wall and laughing, pointing at him in her glee to escape. "I'll get you for this!" he swore and dipped his own hand into the can but I wasn't going to let him get Alice. Sneaking up behind him, I held up my can of paint and dumped the contents all over his head. He stood frozen in shock as the color ran in rivulets down him, coating everything entirely. Alice howled in laughter at that, hands held to her stomach as she bent over. Jasper turned to look at me, only his eyes visible.
"Rosalie!" he roared before tackling me down to the floor.
"Help!" I squeaked out as the cold slimy paint rubbed of against me as I struggled to get away. But I was laughing too hard to properly do so, and so was Jasper, his grip light on my wrists as he tried to hold me down.
"What's going on here?" Edward asked, coming into the room. We all turned to look at him and his annoyed expression. He took in the sight of us and his annoyed expression only deepened. "You sound like a pack of dying hyenas. Keep it down, some of us are trying to record music." With that he turned on his heel to leave when a glob of paint caught him in the back of his head.
He froze at this, his shoulders hunched up, his hands claw-like. He turned around slowly. "Who threw that?" he demanded. He eyed all of us but we didn't say anything or move. "Who threw that!" His cry was cut off by paint to the mouth.
"My bad," Alice said, her hand dripping. "There must be a paint throwing ghost in this room who throws paint at dicks."
"You little-" But Edward was cut off as Jasper leapt off me and hugged Edward.
"Let go!" Edward screamed, high pitched as Jasper picked him up off of his feet. "You're getting paint on my new clothes! Stop, I paid a lot for them!" He struggled but Jasper wasn't listening.
"Alice, Rosalie, grab his legs. I think his hair needs a new dye job!" Jasper instructed and we leapt into action. I grabbed Edward's legs and held them tight as Jasper tilted the boy upside down. "Stop it!" Edward shrilled, his voice so up there it was hard to understand what he was saying. Alice positioned a can under his head and using him like a paintbrush we dipped him in.
We pulled his head out a second later, his eyes squeezed shut against the paint. We dropped him onto his side on the floor and watched as he sat up and wiped the paint from his eyes, which was an ongoing battle because the paint from his hair would just drip down again. We wondered if he would go on a tirade on us, since he was always sporting a stick up his ass.
"Alright," he said getting up and grabbing the paint can by the handle. "Now that we're all almost blonde, Alice, I think we need to help you join us." He said this with a crooked smile, choosing to join in, and me and Jasper knew what to do. We backed the pixie into a corner, Alice's hands up in a back up gesture, her smile faltering.
"Whoa guys, relax. I think the games over now." But we didn't listen to her. Edward poured the paint over her head as Jasper held her arms to prevent her from pushing us away and I ran my hands through her hair, mussing it up even more as she screamed and giggled, making sure to work the paint in.
After all that we sat down on the floor on the room in a circle, paint cans empty. There was more paint on us and the floor than the actual walls of my bedroom.
"Whelp," Alice said, paint dripping from her newly dyed locks. "I think we did a good job redecorating."
Part Three: A warning that comes too late
"Get in Rosalie, you're going to learn how to drive."
I looked up from the book on cars I had been voraciously devouring, to give the speaker of that statement a confused look. "Emmett, I'm not sixteen, I can't drive yet." I was lying on my stomach on the living room couch when Emmett had come in from the garage, a huge grin on his face.
"That's alright. We Cullen's like to do things differently." I frowned at this, sensing that something illegal was surely on the brink of happening.
"I'm sure Carlisle wouldn't approve of that if he found out."
"Well he wont, so don't worry," Emmett said trying to pull me off the couch. I groaned and tried to roll away from him, but he just picked me up from the couch and carried me bridal style to the garage. "You're getting heavier," he commented. "Last time I lifted you up you weighed less than a twig."
"You're not supposed to tell a girl she getting fatter," I mumbled as he set me down to the ground. But it was true. I was growing crazy fast. Esme had a hard time buying me new shoes before I out grew them. And I was already three heads taller than Alice. I wondered how much more I would grow and if this would lead to problems between us.
"Well you're not fat, just big," Emmett said raising his hands up. I rolled my eyes at this. "That's still calling me fat, just in a roundabout way."I wasn't really bothered by Emmett's comments. I was finally gaining some healthy weight to my body due to my enriched diet and I couldn't be happier. I was just messing with the boy because he was fun to joke around with.
Emmett shook his head, giving up."Anyways, I thought you'd be more excited to drive a car given how much you salivate over them." I rolled my eyes again at how Emmett addressed my hobby.
I was excited to drive cars. I couldn't wait to do so, the years stretching to my sixteenth birthday looking long. But I didn't want to get in trouble with Carlisle. I only had three more days until I went to my first year of school and I didn't want to get that privilege taken away from me.
"Can't we do this after I actually start school?" I asked as I approached the new car in our garage. At this point in time we only had three cars in the garage. One was a Toyota for Carlisle, another was a Chevrolet for Esme and the last a Jeep for Emmett, who loved to drive off road at times. I immediately recognized the car Emmett wanted me to drive because it was an eyesore compared to the beautifully and meticulously cared for cars we had. It was a second hand purple car, the paint peeling off of the sides, and the windows dusty. Emmett must have bought a second hand car for me to practice in. Given it's depressing state, it looked more like a third or even fourth hand car.
"Oh don't worry about that. You're already registered and everything for school. There's no way Carlisle will take that away." Emmett made a face. "Besides, why would you even want to go to school. Its boring. And shallow."
I ran my finger down the side mirror, purple dust coming off on my fingers. "I've never been to school. I want to see how it is." I had only read about high schools in books and while it sounded like a dangerous place, likened to a jungle, it also seemed like a normal life, and I desperately wanted to have one. I wanted to bury myself in trivial concerns over what would be on the lunch menu, which teacher was stupid, what outfit to wear next, etc. But someone like Emmett, who had a relatively normal and plain existence wouldn't understand any of that. Alice did, and she encouraged my dreams of going to high school. She helped me cram years of knowledge into my head and prepared me for how to interact with other kids in social situations. It seemed Alice was very popular at school and often had friends hitting her up to go to parties or to hang out, but she had declined them, saying it was more important to help me get ready for school.
"You're not missing much I'm telling you," Emmett insisted, scratching his head. "Now, about the car. It looks like shit, but it handles fine. You're free to practice in only this car and only when I'm around to help you." Pulling some keys out of his pocket he unlocked the doors. "Now hop in, we're going for a ride."
I slide into the car, grimacing in distaste at the torn inner seating and at the stale smell of cigarettes. "Where did you get this piece of shit?" I grumbled, worried I might get an infectious disease from how dirty the inside of the car was.
"Some drug addict sold it to me for cash. Said he needed the money. I can guess why," Emmett smirked, only readjusting the drivers seat a little to fit his big frame.
"You're terrible, I hope you know that," I said, crossing my arms in disapproval.
"Hey, it's not my business what he does with the money. If he wants to fuel his drug addiction, so be it." Emmett pulled the car out of the garage and started down the dark road. It was already eight pm and the headlights of the car barely made dents in the thick dark night. How was I going to drive a car when I could hardly see what was in front of me? And how was Emmett even driving it? The boy did not look perturbed that he could scarcely see the woodland road he was driving on. He fiddled with the radio, only getting static or the occasional news station. Frowning when he couldn't find what he wanted, he gave up on it, taking to humming to himself instead in an off-key manner.
"Are you sure this car is safe for me to learn how to drive in?" I asked when the car started sputtering and wheezing when Emmett pressed on the brakes to slow it down.
"It's fine. That way when you crash into something, you won't be sad it got smashed to bits," Emmett reassured. Why did he assume I was going to crash into something right off the bat?
"Does it have airbags at least?"
"I don't know," Emmett cheerily replied.
"Great," I put my hands up in the air with exasperation. "So when I do crash the car, not only will it smash to bits but so will I."
"Let's be positive here. Think of no air bags as an incentive to not crash into something."
I rolled my eyes but didn't say anything else on that topic as Emmett took us off the paved road and onto a dirt one. Bits of stone hit the windows as he drove further down, the darkness pressing in more on the car.
"I'll buy you a car," he said, catching me off guard.
"A car?" I echoed, not believing that he would buy me one. He was a big talker and he promised many things, things he did not live up to.
"Yea. A car. A proper one. What kind do you want?"
This was a tough question. I liked several car models and I knew money wasn't an issue for the Cullen's, so I was only really limited to what I decided to settle on. Bringing my hand to my chin and thinking deeply about it, I narrowed it down to my top three choices. "So far I've been thinking I want Hummer, a Porsche or a mustang."
"A Hummer, huh? I didn't take you for a gas guzzling kind of girl."
I shrugged. "It's perfect for off road stuff and you know I like driving all over any kind of terrain, but I do also like speed and elegance, therefore the other two choices."
"You've thought about this extensively," Emmett whistled, slowing the car down as we went over a bump.
"I have. I would get into details over the specs of the cars and their horse power, etc, but I don't want you falling asleep at the wheel as we're driving."
Emmett laughed out loud at this, a laugh that boomed and threatened to shake the car to bits. "You know me so well. I won't rush you on it. You still have some time before you're sixteen."
We drove the last couple of feet in silence before Emmett stopped the car. He turned it off, leaving only the headlights on. With the engine off I truly noticed how loud it was, now being able to hear the crickets and other night sounds. Following Emmett's lead I got out of the car and sat down on the hood of the car next to him.
"Rosalie, there's another reason why I brought you out here today. And it's not just to learn how to drive. I wanted a quiet place to talk to you," Emmett admitted to me and I felt unease crawl up my spine.
"Then why did you bring me out here?" I asked cautiously, worried to what he might say. Had I messed up? Had I acted in a way that I wasn't supposed to?
"It's about Alice." My muscles tensed up and I felt myself go on guard. What about her? "Yea?" I asked, trying to not sound too defensive. I took a deep breath to calm myself and get my tension to leave. Emmett had said something simple. He wasn't threatening me...
"Rosalie, I understand that you're going through a hard time right now and that you need someone close to you, to guide you and to be there for you. But that person can't be Alice."
"And why not?" I nearly bark out. So much for not getting defensive...I already was. I clenched my hands to calm down but yet again it failed to help. Breathe in, breathe out, I reminded myself.
Emmett sighed, as if tired out by what he was going to say. "I don't know if you guys are already in too deep, but I'm going to tell you Rosalie, because I care for you and I do want you to get better. Rosalie, Alice is a bad influence on you."
"Bullshit, you liar!" I span off the hood of the car and stood in front of Emmett, anger quaking throughout my whole body. "She's helped me more than any one of you has. So don't dare tell me that she's a bad influence on me!"
Emmett did not look fazed at my anger, having expecting it. He rubbed his forehead and looked at the ground momentarily. Bugs hovered next to the headlights, drawn to the light. "Man I suck a serious conversations," he sighed to himself before looking back up at me. "I don't know a good way to tell you this, but Alice does this with everyone."
"Does what with everyone? Help them? Because that's all she's done to me," I spat at him, grinding my teeth together.
"No, not that. Alice hooks up with everyone," Emmett said and I snorted. "So now you're calling her a slut? What do you mean she's hooked up with everyone?"
"When Alice first came to our house, she was broken but not as broken as all of us. I'd say Alice is the least fucked up, after me. But that doesn't mean she doesn't have issues. She started off with me. She dated me for a while, about three months time and it was fun. She brightened my day and while I felt bad I was sleeping with someone who was supposed to be my sister, I couldn't find a way or good enough reason to stop. But soon she got bored with me and moved onto Edward, who had also been living in the house at this time. They dated for a bit too, and then broke up."
"What you getting at?" I said through gritted teeth, refusing to believe what Emmett was saying.
"Damn it Rosalie," Emmett cried, getting up from where he sat and towering over me. "Can't you see what I'm trying to explain. Quite being so stubborn and get a fucking clue! Alice is going to use you, like she used me and Edward. She doesn't care about you, she only cares about the act of loving someone. She doesn't mind who it is, she will love them for a bit so that she can feel better about fixing them up and then she will dump them once she gets bored and feels that they are all better."
"Shut up, you big buffoon! Shut up!" I screamed at him, getting dangerously close to the edge. He was only speaking lies! I wouldn't have any of this!
"I'm trying to help you Rosalie, so that you will stay away from her and prevent your heart from getting broken, because that is what will happen. You get involved with Alice now and your heart is going to break and you will be worse off than if you had never meet her!"
I swung, Emmett catching my fist in his big hand. I swung my other fist and he caught it too. I struggled to free myself from him, growling in fury. "You have to see the truth, Rosalie. She's only using you for her own good and once she's done, she'll just move onto Jasper!" I let out a howl of fury and deep denial and kicked my leg right into his crouch. He fell to the ground, cupping his groin and I ran, leaving him there, in the dim glow of the lights. I ran back the way we had come, stumbling through the dark and the dirt. I needed to be far away from him, needed to get those poisonous words out of my head. I needed to see Alice, yes I needed to see her. She would assuage my fears. I knew she loved me. Emmett was just jealous of our close bonds.
It took me an hour to walk back home the ten minute drive we had taken. I kept to the bushes, making sure that Emmett, if he drove by, wouldn't be able to see me coming. Upon arriving at the house, I climbed up the drain pipe in order to avoid having to find him waiting in the living room for me and made it up into my room. I quickly showered, washing away the sweat I had built up from my trek and dressed into my soft pink pjs. I sat on my bed, making sure the door was locked so that the older boy couldn't barge in, and tried to think about how wrong he was.
I knew Alice loved me and only me, for she told me everyday. I had never seen her look at Jasper in the way she looked at me. And as for having a relationship with the other Cullen's... I didn't believe that! Alice was bisexual, sure, but that didn't mean she had slept with anyone else. The girl seemed too innocent for that, too pure and heavenly. She wasn't using me, I was the one using her to forget about my past and make steps forward to improve myself. Not being able to think about it anymore, I left my room, wary for Emmett waiting in the halls for me and made my way up to Alice's room. Knocking on her door softly, she said "come in" and I let myself in.
"Hi Rosie," she smiled up at my from her desk. She was sketching something, some outfit from a fashion show she had seen and loved. Her smile faltered when she saw the mix of emotions on my face. "What's wrong?" she asked, getting up from her chair and wrapping me in a warm hug. I placed my chin on her shoulder and breathed in her sweet scent eagerly. "Alice...do you love me?" I whispered, the want to know burning inside me. I had to prove Emmett wrong, and I was going to do so now.
"Of course I do silly," Alice pulled away and bonked the tip of my nose with her finger. "What brought that on?" she asked more seriously when my morose expression didn't change.
My throat dry all of a sudden, I was determined I would be the only Cullen she had slept with. "Then show me."
Alice sensed the gravity of my statement and instead of pulling away she gave me a pleased smile, standing on her tips toes to press her lips against mine. "With pleasure."
Part Four: All in a school day
Here it was.
My first day of school.
Finally.
I let out the deep breath I had been holding and reminded myself how to breathe.
Now I could be like a regular teen and worry about stupid homework assignments and which boy was cuter instead of having to worry about which therapist I was going to see next, etc. I was so excited. No, I was so ecstatic! No, I was a thousand different types of happy and nerves and filled with promises of a great four years ahead of me.
"Rosalie, stop drooling and get in the car. We're going to be late!" Alice's high pitched voice tore me out of my fantasies of winning prom queen senior year of high school and I instinctively wiped at my face to get the drool off even though I knew I wasn't drooling. I had stopped on the top of the stairs, falling into a daydream of my future to come before Alice had called me back to reality. "I'm coming!" I shouted back, running down the flight of stairs to the first floor where Alice was standing with her hands on her hips, tapping her foot impatiently.
"I swear, it's like you don't want to go to school or something," Alice smirked, noting my face and the overflowing exuberance coming from me.
"I do, I do!" I insisted, almost squealing like a little child.
"Then let's get going, and you better stop daydreaming or people will call you a ditzy blonde on your first day of school!" Alice went on her toes to deliver a kiss to my forehead, sweeping my bangs aside gently before grabbing her book bag and going out the door. I had steadily been growing over the summer and was now a full three heads taller than Alice, which made kissing each other a bit hard. "Emmett's driving us today. Since it's your first day of school he decided to do us all the honor of carpooling us there," Alice explained as I followed her out the door and into Emmett's jeep. I had an unpleasant flashback to the last time me and Emmett had ridden together. Ever since that incident we hadn't talked and I didn't know how to fix the tension between us. I really liked the kid but how dare he say such things about my sweet Alice! And Emmett seemed as unsure as me about what to do with this situation.
Edward was sitting in the passenger seat next to Emmett, who was bopping his head up and down in rhythm to some rap music. Jasper was sullenly looking out the window, hand clenching his book bag straps. Alice slide into her seat and I followed after, closing the door. As soon as it was closed, Emmett peeled out of the driveway, and I hastened to buckle up.
"I'm so excited for you," Alice squealed as she grabbed my hand. "You'll finally be able to do everything we've talked about. You'll be a normal girl soon enough. And you too Jasper. Aren't you excited?" Alice turned to gaze at the apprehensive boy.
"I'm a bit...nervous," he breathed out and I had to strain over the loud music to hear him. Edward and Emmett had also started arguing up front about what music should be playing right now and begun switching the knobs, turning it from hardcore rap to classical music.
"Don't worry. It'll all be okay," Alice reassured, showing him her thousand watt smile. He seemed to soften at that and nodded his head in understanding, before it hit the glass with a soft thud. Alice and I were also thrown in our seats onto Jasper. Emmett pulled the car back into the right lane and flipped off a car that was honking behind us. None of us said a word, Jasper rubbing his sore spot. We were all used to Emmett's reckless driving, especially when it came to someone messing with his music. We all knew better than to switch a song he was playing, except for Edward. He always insisted on changing the songs, driving Emmett to swerving the car over to another lane. (Something else hilarious but that I wouldn't know about until Edward got his license, is that when he would drive, Emmett would change his music station's without consent as revenge for all the times the other boy had done it to him. This drove Edward crazy as he loved his music genres and would not give other ones a try no matter what. Edward would then recklessly drive as well until Emmett changed the songs back. It was all really amusing even though our lives were on the line.)
Eventually we got to the school and as I walked up the huge concrete stairs among the crowd of other high schoolers, I could not help but feel fulfilled. Fork's High, a gray drab school, but now the home of my future life as a normal student...Even though the school was generally ugly and unattractive, it was beautiful to me in this moment.
I said my goodbyes to my family and went on my lone way to my first class, referencing the schedule I had been given. First period was English. I wondered who my teacher was and who I could talk to in that class. Sitting down in the front row of the class I pulled out my new school items and awaited eagerly for the teacher to come in. He was a balding middle aged man, with wire frame glasses on his face. As he went about organizing his things before the day began, other students filled in. Their voices, either complaining or enthusiastic to be back here, reached my ears and I longed to join in. But how? I was the new girl. I gripped the edge of my notebook and bit the inside of my lip. Fuck it, I was just gonna go for it. I had faced way worse things. Why was I going to get anxious over something as small as a conversation? I turned to the girl next to me, whose nose was buried in a thick tome. The cover portrayed a vampire covered in blood. She would be my test subject so to speak, as I tried out all the new social skills I had been taught by Alice, teenage magazines and by my therapists.
"Hello there. Excited for the first day of school?" I asked, flashing her a warm smile. The girl snorted and didn't pull her nose out of her book. "As if. School is such a bore." She flipped her page.
Well, this girl certainly was being rude. I could feel a tickle of irritation slide into my veins. What had the therapist said about talking to people? Something about talking about their interests? "What's that book you're reading?"
"It's about vampires. And love. It's really good. Hard to explain in one sentence." The girl put her book down and looked at me. "Would you like to read it?"
"Uh, sure." I was a bit shocked to see the girl hand the book over to me. "When do I return it?"
"Whenever you want," the girl shrugged. "I have a bunch more in this series at home too. Just let me know when you want the rest."
What did I say now? "I'm Rosalie, by the way. Rosalie Cullen."
"I know. The Cullen's are a hot topic here. Everyone knows about them. So, they adopted you too?" The girl propped her chin in her hand. "Must be nice to be in a family with so much money."
I pressed my lips to stop from laughing. "I don't really care about the money. And their not as great as you would think." I had been told not to say anything personal about the family. It could lead to problems.
The girl pursed her lips in interest. "Oh, really? Is it like in the books? You know, rich people problems?" I laughed at this, a small chuckle that caught the girl off guard. "Perhaps. Perhaps not. I'll see."
There was no more chance for conversation as the teacher cleared his throat and brought attention to the front of the room. And with that, I began my first day of school. School was fun and gradually the hours turned into days, the days into weeks and the weeks into months. Even thought it was fun, it didn't mean that there weren't bumps in the road. Sometimes I would come close to losing my temper but luckily one of the Cullen's would be there to bring me back to serenity. I quickly fell into a rhythm of going to school and coming back to do homework. I joined clubs, made friends and learned new things each day, whether it be class material or life skills. I was living life as I should have from the start, as I could have if not for that man. And the girl who had lent me her book the first day of school became one of my closer friends. We would talk hours upon hours on books, especially the vampire series we shared a growing love for. I had come to identify with the vampires in the story, because of how they were forced into being despicable creatures and were desperately fighting their nature in order to become better people. I felt this was true of me. I had been forced into being a monster but that didn't mean I couldn't fight it. And I was making good progress towards this. I was already really popular in the school for my beauty and charm and I was getting good grades, voraciously absorbing every single drop of knowledge the teachers imparted onto me. I was so busy living my perfect life that I didn't notice it was all about to end, all my progress for naught.
And it was all because of my once savior, Alice Cullen.
Part Five: How could you...
"What do you mean you don't love me anymore?" My voice was soft, and deadly, the calm before the storm. I had been lying on my bed doing some math homework when Alice had come in, her expression unusually grim and blue eyes filled with pain. Dark clouds swirled outside my window with the promise of rain, yet none had fallen so far.
"Rosalie I need to tell you something," she had said her voice urgent, a touch of uncertainty and fear in it.
"What's wrong?" Immediately I was filled with concern. Why was my Alice so distressed? I got off my bed, ready to comfort her and to tear apart anyone who had dared to hurt her. Alice stuck out a hand to stop my approach.
"Stay where you are. Please. It'll make it easier to say what I have to say," she insisted, looking weirdly at me. As if she was wary of me. Wind howled outside the window, shaking the pane. I stood frozen in the middle of the room, shifting from one leg to the other, the lights flickering above me. The weather had predicted a big storm was coming. I hoped it wouldn't blow out our electricity again.
I was filled with unease at the pixie's actions. Why did Alice not want to be near me?
She let out a huff, almost a sob and placed her head in her hands for a few moments. She rubbed her face as she debated internally with a huge decision. "I don't know how else to say this, but I'm going to say it because you deserve the truth." She looked up at me, eyes soft and my heart skipped a beat. Why did I not like where this was going? Her next words only proved my feelings of unease were justly placed.
"I don't love you anymore."
The skies broke at that moment and heavy rain thudded down on the windows, obliterating the outside view, but I wasn't aware of that anymore. I wasn't aware of anything, but of the way Alice's words spun in my head like an evil twisted carousel with no way to stop it. I must have stood there for what was minutes but felt like hours, lost to my own thoughts and to the despair that battled with the dying hope inside me. She was kidding right? Was it all a prank? Had Emmett put her up to this? I felt like I could not longer move. That my heart was no longer beating. Was I even breathing right now? Am I going to die? I thought.
"Rosalie please say something," Alice implored, her voice soft but piercing through my brain like thunder, shocking me into speaking. "Anything. I want to hear you speak. What are you thinking right now?"
"What do you mean you don't love me anymore?"I asked when I felt my mouth could speak again, could form words.
"Oh, Rosalie don't ask me that," Alice pleaded, clasping her hands in front of her chest together.
"I have a right to ask!" I screamed surprising her and myself alike. Was I angry? I couldn't-didn't know what I was feeling now. My emotions were all over the place. They were swirling inside me like a storm and I knew I was going to break but I just didn't know when. Alice knew this too, but she stupidly kept pushing my buttons.
"I just, I just-" Alice wrung her hands around and looked everyone else but at me. I was growing impatient with her and I strode towards her and grabbed her by her shoulders and gave her a rough shake. "Answer the fucking question," I snarled.
"I just don't anymore, okay!" she burst out, panicked by my hold on her. I was scaring her but I didn't care, my nails digging harshly through her thin pink shirt. "It's not something I can control!" I let her go at this and began to pace around the room, hand to my forehead as I muttered to myself, "this cannot be happening, this is all fake, this is a dream I will wake up from, it's just another night terror."
"Rosalie, please. I'm so sorry. But you have to understand I did love you with all my heart and I don't want to lose you. I still want to be with friends with you. I want us to be sisters." At this she ventured to approach me but I spun on my heel and glared at her, scaring her back.
"You want us to be friends? To be sisters? Now of all times?" I bellowed in rage, shaking and quivering. "Why now Alice? When I need you? You helped me so much, don't leave me." This I said more softly, my heart finally starting to break apart, the pieces flaking off. How could I go back to being sisters with her? To being just friends. I needed to be loved. The gravity of the situation was sinking in and I didn't want to be in this room with Alice in it any longer.
"Rosalie, I'm so sorry. But I can't keep living this lie anymore. I don't want to hurt you more than I already have. It wouldn't be fair to keep stringing you on when I no longer feel the same way for you as you do for me. That's why I want to stop this." Alice said, trying to gauge my next reaction. If she should leave or stay. If I would implode now or implode later. "I want the best for us."
"You don't love me?" I asked, feeling tears press at the backs of my eyes, and my mouth quivering. I was barely registering what she was saying. I could care less about her reasons right now. I just wanted to make sure that she truly, irrevocably did not love me anymore.
"No, I don't," was Alice's answer like I knew it would be, yet I had hoped it had somehow changed and would no longer be in these past couple of seconds.
"You don't love me," I echoed, like something broken. A broken record, that could no longer play any music.
"No, Rosalie. I don't." Alice gave a little laugh as if she couldn't believe I was still asking this. As if this was funny to her.
"There's no way to go back?" I asked, looking down at my hands, watching as they clenched and unclenched into fists.
"No." Alice's simple one word answer finally got through to me. This was it. It was over. I couldn't understand how it had all gone downhill so quickly. Everything had been fine. Perfect. We would spend hours in each others company, laughing, gossiping and simple basking in each others presence.
Alice was the one who had saved me. Who had dedicated her time to rescuing and recovering the poor girl that came from a bloodstained background. No one else had invested as much time into me as she had. And I had loved her for it. She had been the first one to help me understand what love was, other than that girl in the past who I best not think of.
I couldn't take it anymore. My whole world, the whole life I had meticulously constructed around me was falling to pieces and I couldn't deal with it. I had to let all my pain and suffering out. I pushed past Alice roughly and ran down the stairs, my head spinning with white static. Anger burned so brightly in my veins I feared I would burn up like a shooting star. It needed to be bleed out of my body through the use of my hands before it consumed me. Before it killed me.
"Rosalie! Rosalie!" Alice called after me but I was already in the garage, slamming open the door and flicking open the lights. I let my eyes rove madly over the tools on the work bench and grabbing the crowbar, I felt the weight in my hand. It was perfect. The solution I needed to fix everything back into place. I raised the bar over my head and aimed it at the first best thing: Emmett's Jeep. I swung down, relishing in the sound of crunching metal. In the way the bar vibrated in my hand from the impact. I raised the crowbar again. And then I blacked out.
Life was hell after that. Emotional hell. I was drained. I was angry. I was sad. I felt such emptiness gnaw at me that I often thought that I had a hole in my abdomen but several x-ray scans showed me that I was fine internally, yet I didn't feel like it. If there wasn't a hole in my stomach, than surely my heart was broken in half. And if my heart wasn't broken then something, somewhere in me was.
I don't know how I got through those months. I don't remember much of it. I still went to school, I think, but there wasn't much effort put into it and everything was a disinterested blur. The family consoled me, but the parents or therapists didn't truly know what was wrong with me. I remained tight lipped about it as I slowly mentally pieced myself back together. I told myself, why should I break myself so harshly over such a trivial thing as love? I had survived worse horrors and fates than a break up. I should be able to get over this with no problem. But the shameful truth was it hurt. A lot. It hurt especially because Emmett had been right. He had told me. But I had been too stupid to listen.
I had learned my lesson. And Alice was about to learn hers.
She was going to find out what it was like to scorn Rosalie Lillian Hale. She had made my life hell for months, and I was now going to repay her the favor.
A/N: So this is it for the flashbacks. Next chapter will be focusing a lot on Rosalie and on her perspective of Bella since day one. This should be interesting as we can finally understand the reasoning for why she does certain things, and also we can find out which mental issues she has. And boy, does she have many.