Toxic Rose
Chapter 17: What do you want to do Bella?
A/N: So I've been listening to some music as I wrote this and I came across a song that sorta matches for Rosalie's character in this fic. I'm not really a fan of the band who plays it as the music isn't my style but the song seemed right. It's called Bloody Creature Poster Girl by the band In This Moment. You guys should check it out if you have some free time.
Also I've updated my profile and now you guys can check it to see how close to completion I am of the next chapter of this fic, or when it will next be posted. Give it a look if you're ever wondering when this story will update.
"Why was Rosalie in your room last night?"
Bella sighed and let her head hit the wall she was sitting up against. She and her dad had gone over this a hundred times by now. "I already told you dad, that she came in through my window. I don't know why. She just did." Bella threw up her hands in exasperation. She knew this excuse was lame and full of holes but she was tired. So tired of being questioned.
Of being in this hospital.
Last night Rosalie had slit her own throat and Bella had panicked and gone to wake up her dad after the initial shock wore off because she didn't know what else to do. She must have gave her father the fright of his life when she ran into his room in the middle of the night, covered in blood and screaming incoherently. He had jumped out of his bed, wearing only his wife beater and a pair of blue boxer briefs.
"Bella, what's wrong? What's going on?" He flicked on the lamp by his bed and went over to her, grabbing her by the shoulders as she shook, her hands wiggling madly by her sides. "Where did this blood come from?" His hair was mussed up, the only sign he had been asleep seconds ago. His blue eyes were wide open and he was awake, adrenaline racing through his veins.
"Dad. Dad. You need-you have to-it's her. She's hurt!"
"Whose hurt? Bella?" Charlie was trying to remain calm, frightened for his daughter. What had happened to her? Was she hurt? "Bella you need to calm down and tell me, are you fine?"
"Mmh, I'm fine, but she's-she's not," Bella breathed, her words bordering on hysteria. She could barely breathe and black spots danced in front of her vision.
"Whose hurt, Bella? Is there someone in our house?"
"Oh god, Charlie we need to call the ambulance. She could die!" Bella grabbed her dad's shirt front, leaving bloody fingerprints and pulled on it as tears escaped from her eyes. She could barely see from her eyes now, her vision so blurry. "She's dying!" she shrilled out, her voice reaching an impossible squeaky pitch, and Charlie cupped her face.
"Whose dying?" he demanded evenly. Years of dealing with tough situations gave him a cool demeanor but on the inside he was still freaking out. His little girl was safe but someone was hurt. But who else could be in their house at this hour? Was it a boyfriend that she had snuck over? But no, Bella had used the she pronoun. Was it a friend?
"It's Rosalie." Bella's words froze Charlie's veins. Rosalie? What was she dong in his house? He let go of Bella's face and opened his night stand drawer where he kept his gun. He made sure the safety was on before he tucked it into his waist band. He could not trust the blonde. "Where is she?" His voice had taken on a hard edge. What was the blonde doing in his house, at this hour!
"In my room, hurry," Bella blubbered and grabbed her dads hand as they went down the hall to her room.
The door was wide open, throwing light into the dark corridor. Charlie could hear loud, choked breathing even over the sound of Bella's sniffling. There on his floor he saw something straight out of a crime scene. Rosalie was lying on her back in her own pool of blood, her blonde curls soaking in it. One hand was to her throat where blood was trickling out, other hand clawing the floor in pain as her legs kicked out wildly. Her face was contorted in agony as she struggled to breathe.
"What happened?" Charlie was at a loss of words. Had Bella done this? Had his sweet daughter hurt the blonde?
"Dad please do something!"Bella shrieked as she ran and knelt down by the blonde. She placed her hands over Rosalie's throat trying to stem the bleeding with pressure. Charlie shook his head to ground himself. Now was not the time for questions but action. "Stay here with her, Bella. I'm going to call the ambulance."
The ambulance had come and gathered up Rosalie and Bella and her father five minutes later. They had rode in stony silence to the hospital, Bella's hands dripping with blood. She was looking at the floor, her mind numb and devoid of thought. She was barely aware of the fact that once she reached the hospital she was ushered into a room by a couple of nurses and instructed to take a warm shower. Bella absentmindedly washed up, making sure to clean the blood from her hands and hair. She got out and dressed, and was put into a room where her father was waiting for her, also dressed in scrubs.
"Please wait here. We will send a counselor for you shortly. Also we need you to sign a few forms and answer a couple questions." The nurse said before leaving them.
That too passed by in a blur and it was only when six in the morning struck that the shock wore off and Bella was aware of her surroundings again. She was tired emotionally and physically. Letting out a huge sigh she put her head in her hands. What a fucking night.
"Bells, how are you?" Charlie had placed a hand on her knee and she just grunted in response. "I'm fine. It all just hit me. But I'll be...fine." But would Bella really?
She had almost indirectly caused the death of someone.
Someone came close to death because of her.
But not just someone.
Rosalie.
A person she knew. That shocked her to the core. Was she a bad person now? She surely must have been. What nice person drove another to suicide? Oh, god, she still had a hard time believing this had happened.
"I'll pay for a therapist if you need one, Bells. Don't worry. I'll give you whatever support you need." He drew her close to himself and gave her a kiss on the head.
"Thanks dad." She meant it. Without him, Rosalie would have been dead and Bella would have been the cause of her death.
"I don't mean to bring this up so soon, but why was Rosalie in your room last night?" Her dad coughed, tying to cover up how awkward he sounded saying this.
Bella drew away from her dad at this and fixed him with a look. "Do we have to talk about this now?" Honestly Bella had no good explanation for why Rosalie was in her room. She couldn't tell her dad the truth. Like 'hey dad, Rosalie was in my room because we're actually dating and she wanted to either kill me if I rejected her or kill herself and I verbally abused her to the point that she chose to kill herself. Gee I'm such a great daughter'. Nope, that was not going to work at all.
Instead she settled for a really vague answer. "I don't know." And from that point on her father had tried to press her into telling him more, but she was going to remain tight lipped about this until she could figure out a way out of this mess. The only thing she did was reassure him she hadn't been the one to hurt the blonde. Charlie had seemed perplexed that the blonde had hurt herself but didn't comment further on it.
Eventually at nine am, when Bella decided she needed to go on a walk to stretch out her legs she was greeted by Carlisle out in the hospital hallways.
"Hello Bella. A pleasure to see you as always." The doctor warmly greeted her and she stopped in her tracks, her heart beating loudly. Oh shit, was he going to demand to have the talk now?
"I know things are still sensitive for you, but I'd like to talk to you. Now, if possible."
Yup, he wanted to do the talk.
"Uh, I can't really. I'm tired and all," Bella mumbled scratching the back of her head. The doctor glided smoothly up to her side and took her by the elbow gently. "This will only take a minute, and after that you and your father will be cleared to go home," he said and guided her down the corridors as she looked at him and back longingly to where her room was, hoping her father would come out and save her from having to talk with the doctor. But he didn't because he had no clue where Bella was now.
Bella felt it would be rude to break out of the doctors grip so she stayed where she was, even though every instinct in her body was telling her to run. They entered a quieter section of the hospital where the offices were and Carlisle nodded his head in greeting to a couple of doctors before he opened the door to what could only be his office and pushed Bella in. Inside the space was neatly furnished, with warm colors that gave the room a calming feeling. The doctor shut the door behind him and gestured for Bella to take the seat in front of his desk.
"Make yourself comfortable Bella." He sat down at his desk, taking out a notepad and paper. He jotted something down on it before he placed it safely inside his desk drawer.
Bella hesitantly sat down and immediately began to play with the edges of her hospital shirt. She wouldn't look up at him until he instructed her to do so. Her apprehensive gaze meet his calm one. "You have nothing to worry about Bella. You're not at fault here. In fact, thank you for all you have done for Rosalie. If not for you she would be dead right now. She came close to not making it last night." Bella winced at this information and the doctor gave her a sympathetic look.
"She's stable right now. The cut on her throat while it bled heavily, did not injure any major veins. You have nothing to worry about. She's sleeping and at ease. But I shouldn't only be thanking you, I should be apologizing to you too." At this the doctor sat back in his leather chair and sighed deeply, placing his finger tips contemplatively together. He pursued his lips and Bella knew the big question was coming.
"Alice told me Rosalie molested you Bella. Is this true?" Bella began to sweat heavily. Nope, he couldn't be seriously asking her this right now, could he? He must have noted the fear in her gaze because he smiled. "Bella do not worry. I will not tell a single soul about this until you are ready."
"Not even dad?" Bella asked, her voice a whisper. She couldn't stand the pain in her fathers eyes if he learned about this.
"Not even him. Doctors confidentiality."
Bella wanted to trust the man, but she didn't want to get Rosalie into even more trouble. Look what she had already driven the blonde into doing! She had wanted to kill herself because of Bella! Bella had never wanted to cause someone that kind of pain.
"If I answer this question will you leave Rosalie out of this?" Bella asked, gripping her knees hard as she tried to deep calming breaths.
"Bella, Rosalie will have to atone for her actions."
Of course Bella should have foreseen that answer. So she settled for a different angle, feeling panic setting into her body. "If I answer this question can I go?" Bella found it harder and harder to keep her gaze on the man.
"Of course. But within reason." Damn Carlisle and his vague responses!
Bella sucked in a deep breath. She couldn't let Rosalie get into anymore trouble. She was going to take one for the team and do this as an apology to the blonde for driving her to the edge. "She never molested me." She let out a huge breath as she said this and the grip on her knees relaxed. There, she had said it.
"She didn't?" Carlisle inclined his head, curious and making Bella feel like she was a specimen being examined under a microscope. "Tell me more about this." He didn't sound disbelieving but he probably was.
"I-I-Everything we did was consensual. And I liked it." Bella could feel her face turn beet red as she said this. Dear lord she couldn't believe she was saying this out-loud. And to Rosalie's father of all people! Plus she was technically coming out to him. Fuck! She hadn't realized that before! She wasn't ready to come out to anyone!
There was a long silence as Carlisle pondered. "So she didn't molest you?"
"Yes. I mean no, no she didn't." Bella shook her head back and forth vigorously.
"And the activities you partook in were consensual?"
Bella wanted to bury face in her hands and dig a hole and escape from here but she tried to maintain a gaze with the doctor so he wouldn't think she was lying.
"Yes."
"What kinds of activities?" Was the doctor trying to kill her from embarrassment? Bella let out a little whimper and squirmed in her seat. She wanted to leave this room so badly, the desire almost lifting her off her butt and to the door but she restrained herself.
"I'm sorry for asking such questions," he said when he noticed her face go another shade redder. "But I must know. Rosalie has bullied others before but not sexually so this is something new that I must have addressed and must thwart before it escalates." He placed a finger to his lips. "Alice told me you had admitted to her that Rosalie had forced herself on you. And now you are saying something else. Did Rosalie threaten you into lying to me?"
Bella shook her head vigorously. "It's not like that. Alice misunderstood what I was saying. I had told her I wasn't sure if Rosalie was interested in me for the sole fact of teasing me. I've-I've had issues with that in the past." Bella wasn't going to admit to Carlisle she had been bullied. She didn't need that additionally being put out there. "So Alice probably assumed that Rosalie was bullying me or harassing me sexually, but she wasn't. She actually was interested in pursuing a relationship with me, I just couldn't tell at first but then we talked it out and then it grew from there," Bella blubbered, hoping that Carlisle would take her lies hook, line and sinker.
Carlisle was quiet for a moment, gazing at her unnervingly as he thought something over. "And for those moments when you weren't sure if she was harassing you or not, what did she do to you?"
Are we still on that? Bella wanted to moan outloud. Why was he so interested in this aspect of their relations? "We just kissed, is all," Bella mumbled, fiddling with her hands as he sat quietly in front of her thinking this over. "Please don't think I'm gross or anything." Her old insecurities were popping up and she could feel tears gather in the corners of her eyes. Was he disgusted by her for being gay?
Carlisle gave a wry smile. "Bella, whatever your sexuality is I do not find it disgusting or an issue. My only concern is for your well being. Now what do you want me to do about this situation?"
"What?" Bell asked, pressing the heels of her hands into her eyes to wipe away the tears.
"I'm leaving the decision in your hands. Rosalie is still too drugged up to tell me what happened last night so I do not know what happened between you two and I cannot act accordingly. Can you help me decide what I should do?"
Bella shrugged. Why was he asking her such things? She could barely decide which cereal brand to eat for breakfast and now he expected her to decide the future of a person.
"Do you perhaps want to tell Alice about this? Do you want to clear up this whole misunderstanding?"
Bella nodded her head mutely at this.
"Good, we can do that sometime soon. And as for Rosalie," Carlisle spread out his hands. "What do we do?"
Bella shrugged. "I don't know yet."
"Was it a lovers quarrel?"
"A what?"
"Did you two have a dispute regarding your relationship?"
Bella squirmed in her seat. "In a way, yes."
Carlisle sighed heavily at this. "Bella I do not want to burden you with this information, but if you are going to get involved with Rosalie I must tell you for your sake. Rosalie has a lot of mental issues." The man stood up and walked over to his window. He looked out of it, his face sober and voice quiet and eyes drifting into the past.
"When I first adopted Rosalie she had come from a broken place. I won't get into specifics because that is not the point of this, the point is to tell you that because of her early childhood, Rosalie is mentally ill. She suffers from many things. PTSD, Intermittent Explosive Disorder, etc. I won't bore you with the details as much of them are either pretty much cured or extinguished/extinct. The only disorder you should be concerned for it her borderline personality disorder. This is something she has struggled with a lot as it leaves her with emotional, behavioral and interpersonal difficulties. People with this disorder can be very clingy to others, but can also turn on a dime and hate the very person they love the next day. I'm not saying this is Rosalie, and how she will behave, but its...just food for thought." The doctor turned around and faced Bella again with a wry smile. "I'm not trying to scare you away. I do not mind you being in a relationship with Rosalie, just know that it can be very emotionally demanding."
Bella nodded her head solemnly at this and gripped the hem of her shirt. "I understand." Bella had seen and experienced first hand the emotions of Rosalie. "That's what we were talking about-you know, our relationship- the night she hurt herself..." Images flashed in Bella's head and she closed her eyes tightly to avoid them. She felt Carlisle's warm hand descend on her shoulder and she opened her eyes to see him close to her.
"Would you like to see Rosalie and make sure she's okay? I promise she is alright." Bella shook her head, suddenly overwhelmed with the desire to see the blonde even though she knew it would pain her to do so.
Gently pulling her up, the doctor lead her out of the office. Using his clearance he was able to get the two of them into the ER. "She's in here. Take as much time as you need." The doctor let go of Bella and walked back down the hall to attend to whatever doctor-ly business he had. Bella gulped deeply and rubbed her hands nervously as she watched him leave.
Deep breaths. She could do this. She could see the blonde. Maybe she would be asleep? She just wanted a quick peek.
Steeling her nerves she walked in. Rosalie was the only one in a stark white room. A TV was playing in the background but it was too low to make out anything that was being said. Rosalie was lying still on her bed, tubes and wires sticking out of her wrists. Her head was turned the other way, her hair still tinged with red. A thick bandage was around her neck, spots of red flecking it and Bella felt intense guilt eat up at her insides. Bella's stomach churned and she swallowed down the bile threatening to rise up her throat. Faint beeps interspersed the space, announcing that Rosalie's heart beat was stable while Bella's own ricocheted like a tennis ball against her rib cage.
Bella slowly approached the bed. She wanted to touch the blonde's skin, make sure it really was her and not someone else. She let her hand reach out and it shook but she pressed on. Her hand was almost on the blonde's cheek when her head snapped around so quickly Bella jumped back, retracting her hand as if she had scorched it.
"Rosalie..." She felt as if she had just been caught doing something she shouldn't.
The blonde looked blankly at her, her brown eyes piercing and Bella felt like the girl was accusing her of something so she spoke.
"Rosalie. I'm so, so, so sorry. I never meant for any of this happen," Bella said, words rushing out of her mouth. "I never meant for any of this. For you to hurt yourself. I'm so sorry."
The blonde sat up at this, wincing at the effort it took her. "..."
"What?" Bella asked.
"As you should be," the blonde whispered, her voice harsh and nasally, every word scrapping like knives on her throat. "You fucking bitch."
Bella flinched at the use of the harsh word. She knew it was all her fault but to face it upfront so soon was hard on her heart.
"I almost killed myself because of you. How could you make me do such a thing?" Rosalie's words were getting stronger and stronger the more she spoke.
"I know and I'm so sorry about that," Bella was close to sobbing. "Please you have to believe me."
"I don't believe you," the blonde narrowed her eyes at Bella who shrunk under her glare. Even half recovered Rosalie was still scary as hell. And hot. Not now, Bella thought in annoyance. Seriously was her libido so crazy as to make this situation sexual? But apparently it was. Rosalie's hospital gown was a bit loose on her and she could see down past her collarbone to a soft expanse of pale skin from where she stood. She quickly averted her gaze and shook her head to refocus herself. God, she was so terrible for thinking such thoughts in such a moment.
"Well I don't know how else I can convince you that I mean it," Bella said, unsure of what else to say.
Rosalie smiled at this, her pale face taking on cruelty. "Oh I can think of a way. And you can start making it up to me this moment."
Bella's skin began to crawl. Oh this did not sound good.
"What do you want me to do?" Bella tried to sound unbothered as she said this.
"I want you to strip naked."
"No way." The words were out of Bella's mouth before she even knew it. "What would that even accomplish?"
Rosalie's lips quirked up. "It would humiliate you. It would make you feel how I felt, without the blood of course."
"Rosalie I was already humiliated. I had to tell Carlisle about us because he was asking if you molested me and I said no, to protect you. I basically came out to him during that conversation." Bella's voice cracked. "And you know how much I hate- how hard it is for me..." Bella had to stop as her throat choked up. The blonde was silent for a moment, as Bella took in a shaky breath and covered her eyes with one hand to hold back the tears that threatened to come out. She doubted the blonde would care but she had to tell her because that was how Bella had chosen to make some sort of amends to the hurt girl.
When she spoke it wasn't what Bella expected. "Come here," Rosalie patted spot next to her on the bed.
"What?"
"Just come here," Rosalie insisted and Bella hesitantly approached the blonde. She sat down on the bed edge her side to the girl and the blonde wrapped her arms around the brunette in a side hug, mindful of the tubes attached to her veins and pulling Bella close to her chest. She dug her chin into the brunette's shoulder. Oddly it was comforting. "That is quite humiliating for you. But tell me why did you help me?" she murmured into Bella's soft hair.
"I helped you...because I felt bad about what happened. I didn't want you to get into anymore trouble." Bella fiddled with her shirt edge and Rosalie's slender fingers came up to stop them. Her fingers were cold and nails painted red. Why were they always red?
"Am I in trouble?" Rosalie asked, with a teasing lilt to her voice. "Because it sounds to me like you're the one in trouble. After all you did. You pushed me to the brink, Bella. How does that make you feel?" Her voice lowered on this and she brought her lips close to Bella's ear, her breath tickling it.
"I feel terrible, Rosalie. Really terrible." Bella admitted, sinking closer to the blonde despite the poisonous feelings she was evoking in Bella.
"Good, remember that. But for now tell me how did Carlisle react?"
"He, he-I don't know, he's pretty good at the poker face. But he was shocked to find out the relationship was consensual. And he warned me about your mental illnesses."
There was a long pause and Bella could feel Rosalie stiffen next to her. She pulled away from the girl but Rosalie held her there in place, surprisingly strong for someone who had lost so much blood. "Tell me, does it make you nervous being so close to someone who is so fucked up? To someone who could hurt you any second?" Rosalie whispered, her left hand slipping under her blankets and pulling out a scalpel. Where and how she had stolen that Bella didn't know. She could feel the blade sit right on her pulse point. She was frozen, sitting there and feeling the cold of the metal on her warm skin.
"I could slit your throat so easily right now. Do the same thing you did to me, to you. Maybe that would teach you; make up for your indiscretions to me."
Bella said nothing, just let her eyes close.
"Are you scared? Tell me. Do I frighten you?" The blade pressed down harder, but not hard enough to draw blood. Rosalie had brought her mouth even closer to Bella's ear, her voice low and dangerous. But she was quiet as she waited for Bella's answer, the steady beep beep of Rosalie's monitor interspersing the silence.
"No." Bella's voice was barely a whisper, but she meant it. Even though Rosalie made her nervous, scared her, she knew that the blonde wouldn't do it and therefore was no real threat. How many times had the blonde pulled a knife on her? Too many times, and each time the blonde had relented. And she would this time too.
Bella couldn't see Rosalie's face but she felt the shaky sigh exit her body as if everything had depended on this one answer. The pressure on her throat disappeared as the knife was hidden again.
"Thank god," she muttered, more to herself than to Bella. "Or else I would have finished what I started." Bella felt a spike of fear at that comment. Surely Rosalie wasn't really feeling suicidal still? Was that a part of Borderline Personality disorder or was it because Bella had pushed her so far?
Bella opened her eyes, overwhelmed with the desire to reassure Rosalie that she was needed on this planet. "Rosalie, don't say that. It's-"
"What I deserve," the blonde finished darkly, pressing a delicate kiss to where she had pressed a knife to Bella's throat. The gesture made Bella's throat constrict as butterfly's fluttered in her stomach even as her heart dropped heavily. "Now leave me. I need some peace to think over stuff." She released Bella and settled herself down on her bed on her left side, pointedly turned away from Bella, but the brunette wasn't leaving so easily.
"Rosalie, I can't leave you knowing you're feeling suicidal and have a scalpel with you."
"The scalpel is not for me. Don't worry about me. I'm fine as long as you don't fear me." Was the muffled response as she pressed her face into the pillow.
"Rosalie...I would feel safer knowing that you don't have it."
"Fine, mom," Rosalie said, rolling her eyes exaggeratedly. Without turning to her, she handed the scalpel over to Bella who felt unsafe just holding the object.
"..." She wanted to say a sort of goodbye, but she didn't know what. Could she use see ya later or have a good day?
"You can go now," Rosalie said half amused. "Or do you not want to leave my side now?"
Bella shook her head. "I'll see you," she said at last and left the room, throwing away the scalpel as she passed by a trashcan. The conversation with the blonde had her emotions in turmoil and she was so tired. Tired of feeling like this. So uncertain and shaky. Being in a relationship with Rosalie was like being on an emotional and mental roller coaster. There were ups and downs and sometimes you were thrown for a complete loop. And if you weren't a fan of roller coasters in the first place, than you were in for one hell of a ride.
So what was Bella to do with Rosalie now?
The question evoked too many thoughts and possibilities in Bella's mind and she shuddered in the face of so much responsibility. She wouldn't think about this now, she would think about it later. When her head was right on her shoulders. Not when she was this emotional mess.
Bella felt her body shaking with repressed emotions and she quickly ducked into the girls bathroom. Making sure no one was here, she locked herself in a stall and sat down on the toilet seat and let everything she had been holding in out. Tears cascaded down her face. She screamed, she raged, banged her fists on the stall wall. She whimpered, she curled in on herself but once she was done, once it was all out she felt oddly at peace with herself. Her body felt lighter and her conscious more free. Grabbing a roll of toilet paper she did as best she could to blow her nose and clean up her face. Her eyes looked dreadful, all red and puffy. Her dad would notice that she had been crying and demand to know why but she had to face him sooner or later. Taking in a deep breath she left the bathroom and headed towards where her father was.
A/N: No, Bella what are you doing? Don't let Rosalie guilt you into thinking it's your fault! This is how more problems arise! Looks like the poor brunette just doesn't know what to do.