Toxic Rose
Chapter 18: Give Thanks for All you Have
A/N: Man, I feel like I've been writing this story forever but it's only chapter 18. I just wanted to point out that I neither support nor condone toxic relationships. It's not my place to judge someone who is in such a relationship. There are reasons for everything a person does, even if we do not understand their intentions. Just wanted to mention this if I hadn't before.
When Bella got back home from the hospital she immediately went up to her room to get the sleep she deserved. Except when she entered her room she was greeted by the sight of a giant puddle of dried blood on her floor and she quickly did a 360 and trotted back downstairs, struggling to hold in the contents of her stomach.
"What's wrong?" Charlie asked and Bella made a face, her voice struggling to remain monotone; to act indifferently even when the sight of the blood puddle tore at her heart strings. "There's blood on the floor of my room." Bella had completely forgotten about it during the stress of the hospital visit and her dad had forgotten about it too, judging from how harshly he recoiled. "I'll get someone to clean it up. Don't worry. I'll get you some clean sheets and you can sleep on my bed if you want. I'll take the couch."
"That's fine. I'll take the couch. I kind of don't want to be upstairs anyways." Bella sighed and rubbed her face tiredly. Her dad nodded his head, afraid to speak so as not to trigger her or have to traumatize her anymore. "Sure. I'll bring you down a spare pillow."
After setting up her couch Bella fell down with a huff and immediately knocked out, her sleep void of any dreams thankfully. When she woke up it was to the smell of cooking food. She cracked open her eyes, feeling like she hadn't opened them in years. Wiping away the gunk in them she sat up, slowly stretching. Where was this delicious smell of bacon coming from? Was her dad cooking? She trudged over to the kitchen to see her dad was indeed at the stove, apron on and watching the bacon sizzle.
"Bella. You're finally up. How is my princess feeling?" Bella was so absorbed in fixating on the smell and imagining the way it would fill her stomach that she hadn't noticed her father was now looking at her.
"Hungry," she grunted out, rubbing her bed head. Her body ached from the uncomfortable position she had slept in on the couch. "What day is it?"
"It's Thanksgiving Day now Bella. We both slept through the day and night, yesterday."
"Huh," Bella grunted. Wow. The holidays were here but they certainly did not feel like the holidays at all.
"I figured you could you use some food after all that...happened."
There was a silent beat. "Thanks. The food smells good."
Charlie smiled. "And I had some guys come over and clean up the mess in your room. So it's fine for you to go up there now."
"Thanks." Bella was really grateful for that. Just thinking about how much blood had come from the blonde was almost enough to take away her appetite if she wasn't so hungry. I'm not going to think about that. Nope. Nope. Bella pushed away the events of last night from the forefront of her mind but it remained hovering in the back of her brain, ready to assault her when her guard was down.
She snarfed down the bacon once a plate was given her, her father watching her from the corner of his eye to make sure she was okay. They ate in silence. Cleaning up the dishes once the two of them were done with breakfast, she went up to the bathroom and washed up, taking her time. The hot shower water felt good on her skin, relaxing all the tension in her muscles from having slept on the couch. She stood in the shower for longer than she should, her fingers beginning to prune. She knew she had to finish but when she did she would have to go to her room. She had to change her clothes but could she do it? Her father had said her room was clean now...Bella shut off the tap with a heavy sigh and wiped herself dry. There was no point in delaying any longer. She had to be strong about this. Bella approached her closed bedroom door and took a deep steadying breath.
She could do this.
She pressed against the white wood and the door slowly creaked open. She kept her eyes closed for a while, mustering up the courage to look. Cracking one open then the other, she let out a sigh of relief. Her hardwood floor was clear. All traces of blood had been magically washed away. Taking in a deep breath she walked in. Still, she didn't feel comfortable in her room, her skin crawling with some weird energy and she couldn't get the sound of Rosalie's choked breathing out of her head. She hastily changed into some fresh clothes and nearly bolted down the stairs. Outside of her room she could breathe more easily and the images that threatened to surface in her mind dropped away. Would she ever be able to sleep in her room again?
Her father was waiting downstairs for her. "Bella, are you okay? You look a bit pale."
"I'm fine," Bella stammered. "I just ate the bacon too quickly."
Charlie harrumphed but didn't comment more on this. "Where are you going?"
"Outside to shop for groceries. I have to cook Thanksgiving dinner."
"Bella you don't have to do that," Charlie placed his hands on her shoulders. "You had a rough night. I think it's alright if we both skip out on it."
Bella shook her head at this. "I need to do this. It'll keep my mind off of..."
She trailed off but Charlie got her point. "Damn Rosalie!" he shouted out suddenly, shocking Bella with the volume of his voice. The man paced away from her, one hand on his hip the other stroking his mustache. "Damn her for doing this to you! What right did she have to try to kill herself in your room!"
Apparently while Bella had been visiting Rosalie, her father had been informed of what had happened in the room that night. Carlisle had told the chief that Rosalie was feeling suicidal and since she knew Bella was the type of person that would try to stop her and get help, that her self harm attempt would be intercepted as the blonde didn't really want to die.
Charlie had called the blonde a multitude of terrible names for doing this. Called her evil for involving Bella. Called her logic flawed. Carlisle had merely stood quietly until the chief had finished raging. He was no doubt used to all the insult dealt to Rosalie's name by now. "I cannot claim to understand her reasoning either, Charlie. She is a mentally ill person and their brains work differently."
"I don't care how different her brain is. I want her to stay away from my daughter. I could even sue her for breaking and entering my premises!"
"I understand you're concern-"
"I'll get a restraining order if I have to!"
Charlie was not going to be easily persuaded with words and Carlisle gave up, promising the man that he would fix the situation.
"Dad-" Bella started.
"No!" Charlie held out a finger to shush her. "After she leaves the hospital I am having a talk with her and Carlisle. I'm getting a restraining order if I have to because I am going to protect you Bella. I won't stand for her vile influence on you anymore."
Bella ducked her head, her skin prickling uneasily. Her dad wanted a restraining order against the blonde? Bella didn't know how she felt about this. "Do I make myself clear?"
Bella nodded her head mutely. "Good." Her father approached her once more, calmer. "If cooking dinner will make you have peace of mind, then buy the groceries and come back quickly. I'll help out with the cooking." Bella knew her father could barely cook anything that had more than one ingredient in it but she appreciated his offer of help. More than likely she would have to clean up his culinary mistakes, and more than likely he would cause twice as much work, but work was something she needed to do right now.
"I'll be back shortly," Bella promised and threw on her jacket and hat. Stepping outside into the cool and frosty air gave Bella a feeling of clarity. Out here she could feel her bad memories drifting off into the wind. It had snowed last night, and the snow crunched merrily under Bella's winter boots as she walked over to her car and pulled it out the driveway, leaving the windows open so that some of the cool air could fan over her face. She parked by a big grocery store, the one that was farthest from her house. This one would definitely have everything she needed for her last minute holidays.
Grabbing a cart she began to make a mental list of everything she needed. She wandered around the store for a bit, picking up food products. She was intensely reading the label of a spice jar when someone grabbed her from the back. Bella let out a birdlike squawk and nearly dropped everything she had been holding.
"Leah, don't do that!" Bella chided, turning to the girl, her cheeks flushing red in embarrassment as the brown skinned girl smirked at her and let go of where she had grabbed Bella.
"Haven't seen you in a while, Bella. How's it going?" Leah was dressed in a green winter jacket, her brown haired curling neatly under her hat. "It's...uh good," Bella stammered, desperate to change the topic. "I've never seen you around here before. You shop here often?"
"I've always shopped here, you just never saw my beautiful face around because we had never been introduced properly before." Leah winked at this and Bella felt her face flush again. Was it just her or was it suddenly hot in this winter jacket? "Doing some last minute Thanksgiving shopping?" Leah jerked her chin at Bella's cart.
"Yea. I kind of slept in and only woke up like an hour ago, so now I have to buy some stuff and whip a last second meal together."
"Well if you're trying to use a spice, don't use that one," Leah said, nodding at the spice jar Bella had in her hand. "It doesn't pack as much flavor in meats as does the Goya brand." She pointed up to the top shelf where a whole row of Goya spices stood uniformly like an army. "Me and my family use it a lot. We almost bought out all of the spices that one time we had a barbecue. I definitely recommend it."
"Thanks," Bella said, putting her spice back down. "I don't often make turkey so I wouldn't know." She stretched up on her toes to try and reach the spice, her fingers brushing the edge of the Goya shelf. Curse her average height, she wasn't tall enough to reach them.
"Their not only good for turkey," Leah insisted and Bella felt a pressure against her back as the taller girl pushed against it, her tan hand brushing past Bella's and grabbing the spice for her, other hand grasping her shoulder lightly. As soon as the pressure on her back alleviated slightly Bella spun around, finding the Reserve girl too close for comfort. They were so close that their noses could almost brush. Bella could feel her body heating up from the proximity between them. "You can use this spice on anything." The way Leah stated this implied something more. Was Leah flirting with her again? Bella always had a hard time deciphering the girls actions and words because she could make anything sensual. Leah shook the spices next to Bella's head and this tore the brunette's gaze away from the smirk on the other girl's full lips.
"Uh, thanks for the hand," Bella mumbled, grabbing the spices, yet she couldn't turn to put them in her cart because if she did she would brush up against Leah and right now she did not want their bodies touching even if layers of coat separated their actual flesh.
"You're welcome. If you need to borrow any body part of mine, you don't even need to ask." Oh, yea, Leah was definitely doing some form of flirting. Bella could tell this much. Leah had gotten even closer to Bella if possible, practically boxing her in against the shelf. Bella tried to back up, but she couldn't, the cold shelf biting into her back. What was Leah doing? They were in the middle of grocery store! "Like my hand, mouth, heart, pus-"
Whatever word that Leah was about to say was cut off as she made a choked noise and her hands flew to her throat. The space between the two girl's increased noticeably and Bella was able to breathe again. Until her breath caught in her throat at the sight of who had appeared.
Rosalie was here.
All of the cells in Bella's body did a collective brain fart and the spice dropped from her hand and rolled to the floor. How? How was the blonde here? She looked glorious as always, the only indication that she had spent the night in a hospital the white bandage around her neck. Bella was in too much shock, her body not being able to handle seeing the blonde in a normal setting so shortly after the events of last night for her to say anything, the words freezing on her tongue.
"Let go of me, you freak!" Leah spat, her hands still at her own throat. Rosalie was pulling back the collar of the girl's jacket so tightly it was almost choking her.
"I would," Rosalie growled, her voice still not as full capacity but menacing regardless. "But you're like a bitch in heat, hitting on anything that moves. A mutt like you needs someone to restrain them." She gave Leah a shake for good measure. Some people in the aisle were giving each other looks, deciding if an intervention was necessary and who should do it.
"You are so dead, you fucker," Leah spat, twisting her head sharply to the side in an attempt to free herself. Doing so she caught a glimpse of the bandages. "Huh, looks like someone already tried to do my job for me." She smirked but Rosalie paid no attention to her, instead her brown orbs focusing on Bella.
"Bella, I have to talk to you." Bella's heart rate spiked at that. What could they possibly talk about? Well, actually a lot of things. Anything was free game with the unpredictable blonde.
"You are not talking to her," Leah stated and dug her elbow into the blonde's gut, air whooshing out of her mouth. Rosalie's grip slacked enough so that Leah slipped free and took a protective stance in front of Bella, blocking some of her view of the blonde. Rosalie rubbed the sore spot on her stomach and gave them both an evil glare. "Leah, I have a right to talk to Bella. This is a free world."
"Not when it concerns you, Cullen," Leah spat back, saying the last name like it was a disease, her shoulder's squaring up. Oh god, please don't fight again. I couldn't stand to watch it. Bella sucked in a deep breath of anticipation.
"Rosalie, there you are." A deep voice called and Bella let out a silent thank god. Emmett strode into the aisle and grasped Rosalie roughly by the upper arm. "You gave me the slip. What are you doing?" He was angry but when he let his gaze rake over who else was in the aisle with him, his scowl softened. "Bella. How nice to see you. And Leah, right?"
The dark skinned girl only narrowed her eyes at him. "I'm sorry about Rosalie. She hasn't taken her medication yet, so she's a bit-" Emmett made a farting noise with his mouth, as if he didn't want to say the word crazy.
"She's never on her meds," Leah sniffed and crossed her arms over her chest, relaxing a bit now that Emmett had come to control the situation. Emmett ignored the barb and pulled at Rosalie, to get her to leave. "We're leaving. Have a good Thanksgiving."
"I'm not leaving without talking to Bella," Rosalie insisted, stubbornly staying put, her arm playing the main role in a bout of tug of war. Emmett pulled in the direction of the store exit, while she pulled it back towards her body.
"Rosalie don't start a scene," Emmett hissed, losing patience for her behavior and his hold on her arm tightening.
"I won't if you let me talk to her."
"Bella doesn't want to talk to you," Leah interjected. "So you better be on your way, before I decide that maybe you need another wound. I should congratulate whoever did that. Glad their sensible." She pointed to Rosalie's neck and the blonde smiled at this, her lips twisted cruelly.
"Then you should congratulate Bella."
No! Bella's mind hit the panic button and she was out the store, pushing past Leah and out, out as far as possible, running hard. She didn't mean for it to happen! She didn't! With her clumsiness and low athletic ability she didn't get farther than the store parking lot before she was stopped.
"Bella, Bella. Bella stop!" Leah had caught up with her, and grabbed her, spinning her around to face her. "Bella, what's going on?"
"I didn't mean it. I didn't mean it!" Bella sobbed, feeling her body wrack with regret. Tears were streaming down her face, her body overloaded with emotions.
"Shh, shh, calm down," Leah ordered, her voice soft. She ran her hands up and down Bella's arms soothingly. "Calm down and tell me what happened." She lead Bella to the curb and they sat down on a snow free patch of concrete.
"It's not important," Bella blubbered as Leah rubbed her back.
"Bella it is. If you're crying like this, if you're distressed like this, then it is important."
"God, you're going to think I'm a monster Leah," Bella wiped at her eyes, her vision blurring with each additional tear shed.
"Bella, if this is about the hurting Rosalie thing, I don't care. I think you're awesome actually. Hell, you stood up to her. Good for you. I wish I had been there to see it." Leah grinned, trying to cheer the girl up but Bella just shook her head adamantly.
"You shouldn't wish that. There was so much blood, so much. It was everywhere." Bella's hands were shaking and she saw red in her vision. She clenched her hands to stop the quaking and closed her eyes so she could forget the memories. When she opened them up the red was gone, replaced by the brown of Leah's face. The girl was crouching in front of her, concern etching her face.
"Bella. It's going to be okay. You can't get in trouble for this. I'll vouch for you. Hell, half your school will. Listen to me, okay?" Leah cupped Bella's chin, the girl unable to meet her eyes. They were silent for a moment, frozen in that pose as Leah pondered what else she could say to calm the girl as Bella wondered how much she could tell Leah.
"Ha." A contemptuous laugh interrupted their moment. Rosalie was outside now, Emmett still holding onto her arm, like a prison guard to an inmate, but Rosalie had far too much class to look like a prisoner. Leah felt rage fill her veins. How dare that bitch laugh at them. She jumped up to her feet, hands curling in rage, ready to pound the others face into the dust. Now she understood Jacob's hatred of her better. The blonde had a way of pissing someone off without so much as saying a word.
"Get out of here, Cullen," she snarled, glaring at her as the two walked by them. Rosalie paused, forcing Emmett to stop with her. She cast an unreadable stare at Bella who was still sniveling on the curb, her face buried in her hands. "Bella, when you're done entertaining your puppy and want a real woman, I'll be waiting." Then she gave a toss of her hair and walked away into Emmett's jeep. Leah glared the car down as it reversed out of the parking lot and went down the road. When she finally saw it disappear for good around the corner she hunched down in front of Bella again, trying to swallow down her anger and be understanding and gentle for her friend.
"Bella, what does she mean by 'I'll be waiting'? Is she bullying you?"
"Leah, it's worse than you think. Oh god, what did I get myself into?" Bella was shaking again and Leah placed a supportive hand on her shoulder. "Bella, tell me. I need to know so I can help you."
"You can't help me with this. This is all my fault."
"Bella-"
"Leah, I'm in love with her. I love Rosalie Cullen."
It was true, the words resonating within her body. The moment Bella had said them she knew they were right. This wasn't a simple crush anymore. It was more.
Leah made choked noises with her mouth as she struggled to breathe. Had she heard right? No, it couldn't be! Bella had admitted to loving that, that monster!? Leah took in a trembling breath, the urge to sit down forcing her to her butt on the cold pavement. Her mind was blank. She didn't know what to say! What could she even say in light of such revelations? Were Bella and Rosalie...involved? Her lips curled up in disgust involuntarily. How dare the blonde! She had to be forcing Bella into this. There was no way the pure and innocent girl would do something like this of her own free will!
"I know. It's disgusting right?" Bella said, her voice soft. She had stopped crying now, but she was still hyperventilating a bit, her breaths shaky. "It's the whole reason I'm in this mess."
"Bella. Bella." Leah said her name softly, snapping out of her stupor. "You don't really love her. You don't. She's just manipulating you. I admit she's pretty, and you probably saw how pretty she was and thought you were gay for thinking she was pretty so then she used that to her advantage-"
"Leah, you're rambling," Bella stated, cutting the girl off. She pulled her head out of her hands, dried tear tracks staining her face. Her voice was stronger now. Leah grabbed the girls tear drenched hands. "Bella, you are not in love with Rosalie. You are not in love with the Cullen." Leah was hoping that by saying it out-loud it would make it true, would make Bella realize. She got to her haunches, staring intently into the girl's eyes.
"Leah," Bella started with a tired sigh. The Reserve girl didn't let her continue.
"Go out with me."
"What?" Bella arched a brow.
"Go out with me. That way you can see for yourself that you don't actually love that filthy blonde heathen. I can show you your feelings are misplaced. I can make you forget about her." Leah was serious. She liked the brunette as a person and while they didn't know each other well enough it didn't matter. They could grow to like each other romantically. She wanted to save Bella from Rosalie's clutches. No one deserved to draw the attention of the blonde.
"Leah, I can't. I'm too deep in this already." Bella was the first gay girl to reject her, wow. But it wasn't the time to dwell on that.
"Bella, it's never too late."
"No, Leah, you don't understand. It's too much of a mess. The only way I can get out of it is if I do it myself. If you get involved, then she'll come after you. I don't want her to hurt you."
"So then what?" Leah burst out angrily, shooting up to her feet. "You'll let yourself get hurt?"
"She won't hurt me." Bella's voice was steady as she said this.
"How can you be so sure?" Leah threw up her hands, angry at the brunette for being a damn door mat.
"Because she loves me too."
"Oh god," Leah groaned, pinching the bridge of her nose. "Oh god. Are you serious Bella? Are you fucking serious?" She kicked a chunk of ice lying on the road so that she could fuel her rage on something, something other than Bella. "This could all be a lie! Why are you so stupid! So trusting?"
Bella shook her head sadly. "I knew you wouldn't understand."
"Of course I wouldn't with bullshit reasons like that! What are you thinking?"
Bella gave a little shrug, her chin quivering. She looked ready to cry again. She hadn't expected anyone to understand her. She didn't understand herself. She just hated seeing Leah so mad at her. "I think it's clear I wasn't thinking."
Leah heaved a huge breath, trying to reign in her irritation. "Bella you need to stop this. You have to break this relationship with Rosalie. I don't care how you do it, it has to end."
"I tried, Leah. I tried. But I can't. I can't." Her voice was soft, and tired, as if she had lived through some traumatic event.
"What do you mean you can't?"
"She'll kill herself if I do."
Leah was silent a moment, wondering what the hell Bella was talking about and then it all clicked in her head. The bandages, the way Rosalie blamed Bella, and how Bella had said she hadn't meant for it to happen.
"That fucking cunt!" Leah spat, grabbing the chunk of ice she had kicked before and heaving it as far as she could, leaving it to smash against a tree on the other side of the road. "That sick, manipulative bitch!" She was breathing hard, the air whistling out of her nose. She had to throw something else or else she would explode. She grabbed another chunk of ice and threw it against the same tree. "Wait till I get my hands on her. I'll tear her a new one!"
"Leah stop."
"How could you let this happen? When did this even happen? Tell me, everything!" Leah turned on Bella and pulled the girl roughly up, shaking her until her teeth clacked. Bella gave a small frightened cry and Leah stopped, realizing she was probably behaving no better than Rosalie in this moment. "Tell me," she said more softly, letting go of Bella who clutched her sides in an effort to protect herself.
And so Bella did, recounting every detail from the very beginning. Leah sat still the whole time, grinding her teeth, fidgeting with her hands. Bella knew the Reserve girl would only be more agitated by her tale, but she was too afraid to deny her the truth lest the girl unleash her rage on her. And it felt good, to tell someone this. It was like a weight had lifted off of her chest.
"Did you tell Charlie about this?" Leah asked when the girl finished.
Bella shook her head no.
"Someone at the police?" Another head shake. "At the school?" When Bella shook her head once more Leah grew disgusted. "Bella how could you keep this quiet? She practically molested you!" Bella had told Leah even about those parts, spilling more to the girl she barely knew then she had to Alice, her close friend. Friend, she huffed ironically. She couldn't believe the pixie would act so vilely to her own sister. No wonder Rosalie was messed up, if her family treated her this way.
"I told Carlisle," Bella added. "He and I are going to work on it with Rosalie. We're going to make sure nothing bad happens."
"That makes me feel so much better," Leah let out a huge sigh of relief, yet not utterly satisfied with the girl. Bella should be doing more than this. She should running the other way every time the blonde grew closer.
"Yea, so it's not as bad as you think. I'd prefer it though if you kept this quiet."
The brown skinned girl shot her an incredulous look. Bella stammered to correct herself. "I don't want more people involved. I want to be strong and handle this by myself. Once it's done and over, then I can tell people. Only then will I feel safe enough to divulge my secrets."
"Bella, that's unhealthy." Leah frowned, placing her hands behind her and stretching her legs out. The air had grown chiller, and the day darker. The two had lost track of how much time they had spent talking.
"Leah, please promise me one thing. Don't tell anyone about this."
"That's absurd-you already kept it a secret for so long!"
"Just please. Do this one thing for me." Bella looked at Leah with so much desperation in her eyes that Leah found it hard to swallow. Grudgingly, and feeling like the words were choking her to as she spoke them, she nodded her head and said, "fine. But I want you to keep me updated. I want to know everything that happens with you and the blonde. I need to know, or else I won't have any peace of mind."
Bella was silent as she contemplated this. "That's fine with me. I'll keep my bargain if you keep yours."
"Promise." The two girls shook on it. Leah got up, her ass cold from sitting for so long, and brushed the snow off of her bottom. Some stray flakes fell from the sky. It had begun to snow again. "I better get home," Leah said, checking that she had three missed calls on her phone. "Their probably wondering what I'm doing that's taking me so long."
"Oh, crap, what time is it?" Bella asked. She had completely forgotten she had a dinner to make.
"It's five."
"Shit! I have to go, I need to cook dinner for Charlie!" Bella jumped up. "I'll see you!" She ran towards the store but Leah pulled her back by the arm. "Here, put my number into your phone. That way I can keep updated on your situation."
Bella paused at this. Rosalie had said she wasn't allowed to have others numbers in her phone, but then again that was a stupid rule. She took the girl's number and then ran off to the store. She wondered if her groceries were still there.
"Have a good Thanksgiving!" she called out to Leah who replied with a "you too!" Then the doors of the store slide closed and Bella was concealed from Leah's view. The girl let out a heavy sigh. "Happy Thanksgiving, my ass," she muttered. She couldn't stop thinking about what Bella had told her. She only hated Rosalie even more. Wait until Jacob heard about this. He would be devastated to find out his childhood crush was in such a toxic situation. With that, Leah turned to her car.
A/N: Stupid Leah, you promised not to tell anyone!
I kind of scrapped the idea of Leah as a love interest. I figured the story was already complex enough. Instead I delegated her role into the flirtatious friend. I would say more about what she's going to do in the rest of the series, but that would ruin the plot :)