Chp. 2 – AMERikan Gangtuh
Wen science waz over I went 2 the caf nd sat with Mike Newtown an his frends Angela nd Anna Kendrick. They were kinda kool, but unlik Mike Newton n me they were totes prepz. I don't' h8 prepz I mean say wut u will but at least theyr wearing bright colours and tryin to had a posi mental state even if I don't like wearing arrowpostal and that they spend all there time at the MALl. I mean, they cud be out in the streetz smoking crak or freebasing meth or whatevs!
Nywy so we wuz in the lunch food line an waitin to get the soup of tha day, whixh wuz lentil sup with a side of bread. "I h8 lentil soop," Anna Kendrick said. "It, like, mess wif, like, my hair, like, or something" (Kendrick Lamar waz not 2 good with her werds bcuz she never opened her texrtbooks and studied because all she cares aboot is hawt guyz, which I can appreciate and everything, but cum on gurl aint no boi worth his salt n' pepa wanna date a dum dum.)
Den the lunchlady, or shuld I say LUCHMAN, look at us wif a menacing 'y r u so stoopid" look on his face underneath his goatie n' fire hare. "YOU FOOLHEARTY DUMASSES! DON'T U REALIZ THIS SOOP IS…. GANGSTER?" It wuz…. GUY FIERI!
"UM NO," Ana Kendrick Lamar wuz saying. "Wat kid likes soup? And It haz sooooo much gluetin in it! I CUD DIE (I rolled my eyes cuz shesh lewish I new this gurl for like 10 minutes and I alredy new she wuz a total drama kween. )
"Well maybe DIE U SHALL!" Guy Feri screemed and den….. he shot FIRE OUTA HIS HED! Anana Kenrick caught on FIR and ran around the caf like 25 TIMS and den went out da hallway an EXPLDODED! Everybud yelled and den GUY FEIRI looked at mi and wass all "u think dis is ovur, Vikrum? IT HAS ONLY JUS BEGUN!" and den he laffed manically and ran away and his MUSCLE CAR flew in2 the sky. It was so weird. Angela was cryin and all and lots of teens wer really confused and Dr. McIntyre, the principle, came in and sed" Hello klass, hello stuDENTZ, if u want 2 go home bcuz Anna did dats ok, but we gonna keep the skul open bcuz the choice, as always, is up 2 u." I luked at Mike Newtown and he shrugged "Well, dats what happenz wen u complain I guess."
"But Mik," I sed, "Wasn't she ur girlfriend?"
"WUZZZZZZZZZ," he sed and told me the whole story and it was rel komplikated but basikly it turns out that anna Kendrick ws related to Bobby Flay and Guy Fieri did'nt lik that and so he had 2 kill her. "I tolled hur to stop watchin so much Beet Bobbi Fleigh, but she didn't listen. So, if u think about it, she really did it 2 herself."
I nodded sagely. But I was kinda confused curz Guy sed it only JUS BEGUN. I wonder wut I had 2 do with any of dis?