The next few days were even, and I avoided Raph if I could- only messaging his brothers when they messaged me. Mikey kept asking when I was coming back, Donnie and I chatted about another update. He called once and talked me through the process, but with a laugh I politely declined and said it was all working fine; that he could update the system when I next seen him.

Leo even messaged me once- asking how I was, which I appreciated. I texted him back politely and asked how he was getting on with his latest read.

It was nice- easy friendship with each of the boys.

It was just Raph who I struggled with.

My excuses for not seeing him piled up:

I had homework.

I was working late.

I was out with friends- he knew I didn't even have any friends. But he never pushed me on it, he always answered with an 'alright' and always sent me a text to say good night.

It throbbed at my heart a little.

I wanted to keep our friendship- I so did, and I missed him sat on the edge of my sofa so much. But I needed time- just a few days before I saw him again- just to balance everything out as best as I could. To get my head in the game.

At work April watched me with confused eyes all week. But she never asked me about it- just watched with a different look. Today, I was doing my best to ignore her observation as I tallied up the latest stock count.

My eyes were still red and my face still tired. I had not had a good nights sleep for days.

After about an hour or so- She moved urgently and turned the sign around on the door to shut and moved towards me.

"Alright- That's it! you need to tell me what's wrong" she said urgently with crossed eyebrows.

I looked up at her and shrugged. "Its nothing" I grumbled shaking my head.

"Bonnie! Now!" she said even firmer as I looked up at her.

"Its over him isn't it?" she said even more angrily. "What did he do? What did he say?"

I gritted my teeth together.

"Who?" I breathed out.

"You know damn-fine who!"

I looked down to the counter and squeezed my eyes shut tight.

"Ronald's-"

"Use his real name" she said slightly softer.

So she did know. Great

"How did you-"

"It was kinda obvious don't you think?" she said "the way he spoke to you, touched you- your actions around him-'Red hair, amber eyes?' come on Bon…did you and Raph…break up or something?"

Below me the paper in my hand scrunched up accidentally in my closed fist.

"Does Casey know?"

"No, Casey's an idiot, of course he doesn't" she told me softly.

I took a deep breath, my arms holding me up on the counter as my legs turned to jelly.

"We were never together" I breathed out evenly.

"I know…but it just seemed like you guys were gonna be" she said with a shrug.

A tear fell down my face- betraying my composure.

"Oh Bonnie- I didn't mean to-"she said moving towards me as a sob broke out of my throat. I cupped my face and sucked in a breath.

"No…No its fine, its just…I-I" I looked up to the ceiling trying my best to stop the sobs that built up inside. I swallowed and breathed out again.

"I just need to get over it- its nothing, we're friends…I just got a little too attached I guess"

"Well, its obvious he is as well…I don't get it- why don't you talk to him about this? Tell him how you feel"

I scoffed and rolled my eyes.

"He doesn't date- told me so himself" I told her flatly. "said me and him wouldn't work" I blew out. Her shoulders dropped and her mouth twitched to the side.

"Does he know how you feel?" she pressed. I shook my head and walked away from her, pulling on my curls.

"Does it matter now? What am I gonna do? Tell him I'm fucking in love with him and that my heart jumps when I see him? That I think about him every minute of everyday? That I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't focus…" I rolled out in a breath.

I spun on my heels angry with hot rolling tears.

"ONLY to then have him, TELL me- he doesn't date- that me and him would never mix, THAT I could never fucking be with him. EVER" I growled out in anger and frustration.

I sighed. I folded my arms and looked back up to April's face, she watched me with a sad expression- her eyes disappointed, her face frowning.

"You're that in love with him?" she breathed out as my eyes met hers.

We stayed quiet for a minute as I let her process my information. I closed my eyes and turned back to her.

"I can't be" I whispered with a deep breath and a slow shake of my head.

I fell into the little chair that sat beside the wall. My hands finding my face, my elbows on my knees.

"I don't want to loose him- he's still my friend, my best friend" I told her through my muffled palm. I rubbed my face down and sat back up.

April was kneeling beside me instantly.

"Ignoring him isn't going to help" she said.

"I'm not-"

"I was down there last night- Leo's worried, he says Raph's miserable, and not even angry miserable…just sad; lifeless" she told me as I swallowed.

I shook my head and sighed.

"I needed a few days- just to get over what he said. I need to concentrate on something else"

"which is why you asked me for the date" she sat back in realisation. Her shoulders fell.

"What exactly did Raph say to you?" she asked a little firmer.

I sat up and rubbed my face, with a deep breath I sniffed and looked up to her.

"I asked him about guy stuff…if it was the same for humans as it was for him…he told me yes- but then sharply told me he doesn't date- that humans and him don't mix, that he wouldn't ever consider it- 'ever', was the word he used when I asked him…I took it like a hint."

She stayed quiet.

"Its better this way- that way he never truly knocked me back- that would have been so much worse, at least this way its easier to deal with…but it still hurts you know…like a fucking knife to the heart"

April kept quiet- assessing the situation as she breathed. Then she looked down to the floor.

"He's an idiot- a real idiot, wait till I get my hands on him"

"Oh April please don't- I don't need that right now, he doesn't know" I breathed out as she watched me.

"I just can't understand why he would say that? You do know he doesn't mean it right? You do know that" she pressed.

I shook my head at her.

"Its better this way- please" I begged her as she tried to say something again, my hand shot out as I gripped her wrist tight. "Please" I begged.

She stilled and sighed sharply.

"I was so rooting for you two" she muttered under her breath as I let the comment slide. "he needs someone like you…".

I gritted my teeth. With another sigh she stood up and brushed her self down.

"Alright- I told Kyle about you- you gotta date on Friday next week if you still want it…" she told me sadly as I nodded.

Friday; nearly ten days away.

I nodded and swallowed.

"Thank You"

"But I still think you need to talk to him about this- this isn't going to disappear after a few days or ignoring him and going out with some other guy" she told me annoyed.

I brushed it off.

"April; I don't need you hating me right now"

She softened immediately.

"I don't- I couldn't ever hate you Bonnie- its just sad I can't talk sense into Raph" she sighed.

We went back to work, and with a change of subject I cheered up throughout the day, by 4 I was smiling again, and April was more enthused about the idea of me having a date.

"What are you going to wear?" she asked me brightly as I shrugged.

"I don't have a clue- maybe my black jeans and blazer?" I told her as she laughed.

Our phoned buzzed together in sync- a little orange light this time- we looked to each other expectantly.

"Mikey" we said together and shared a small giggle.

Free for dinner with us beautiful?

I smiled at his wording. I had missed their company.

I looked to April who smiled to me gently.

"You gonna be okay with this?" she asked as I nodded.

"Of course- I gotta get used to being around him normally again."

I texted him back excitedly as I took out a breath. It had helped spilling out my heart ache to April.

We looked to each other knowingly, before turning back to finish our day's work.

I decided to text Raph- feeling a little more comfortable than usual.

Mikey text me for dinner tonight, I'll be down at 6.

Less than a minute later my phone buzzed alive.

Cant wait to see you doll.

I gritted my teeth, my heart pounding; with a deep breath I could push it back. I tried my best to ignore out past conversation and carry on like normal. I would just have to avoid his touches from now on.

6 O' clock came around so much quicker than I had anticipated, and I had spent the rest of my day working my self up trying to deal with my feelings.

I felt silly- nothing had changed between us really, he was still my best friend- we just needed boundaries set again.

Boundaries we used to have.

I breathed out feeling silly, but as we left the little shop together- I couldn't help but glance in the mirror at my reflection and straighten out my hair.

April noticed; Casey was totally oblivious.

Reaching the lair was easier by car- the guys had a private garage that changed down into the sewer pipes that lead to a clear walk way- it still took forty minutes, but it was easier than being carried and thrown threw the air.

Mikey greeted us first as we boomed through the lair.

"ANGELCAKES! BEAUTIFUL!" April and I were pulled into a huge hug, our feet lifted from the floor as we were crushed together. I laughed at him, smiling hugely at the memory of his happy go lucky attitude.

"Hope you're in the mood for some good food" he winked to both of us as we rolled out eyes at him and laughed.

"Raph!" Casey called as he started to move forward.

All those breathing exercises, all those built up prep talks for this moment.

And none of it worked.

My heart stammered at his name, my body quivered as I looked to him with a relentless need.

My eyes pricked as they took in my seven-foot turtle who grinned a little as he looked to Casey, they slapped each others hands together and punched each other playfully.

God he was so fucking handsome…

And then Raph's eyes landed on mine.

And everything I had worked on blew up.

I was well aware everyone could hear my heart beat- hell I bet even April could. But it erratically pumped and my stomach twisted tighter than ever before.

Distance hadn't helped. It had made it so much worse.

Casey looked like he was talking to Raph, but Raph paid no attention, his bright eyes locked onto me as his mouth fell open slightly.

The way he looked at me- the way he took me in.

But he had said-

He…

Then he was moving towards me as the others filtered away slowly. His body moving at a fast paced walk as he charged at me with purpose.

His arms took me in as I took him in too.

We gripped each other so tightly, I pressed my face into his neck and he pressed me to him, probably bruising my waist where he squeezed.

For a minute, I didn't care.

I hadn't seen him in days. And it hurt- hell it killed to be away from him.

I hadn't realised just how much I had missed him. Which was bad considering I knew I had missed him already.

I squeezed my eyes shut as I felt myself being lifted from the floor, I breathed in his scent as he took me in, his face buried into my neck. A smile took over my face unable to stop it.

"Missed ya" he mumbled "missed ya so fucking much"

And it confused me. All of it confused me.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! STOP!

I needed to put the barriers back up between us, my own mind understood that as it screamed at me, drowning as my heart won. It was so easy to fall heavily into this again. But I needed to put them back between us.

Friends and nothing else. It's how he worked and its what I needed.

No more heart break.

With a sad breath I pulled back sharply, dropping my arms and I took a step back from him with a forced small smile.

I tried my best to not ogle him the way I usually would. I tried everything I could.

And he noticed, his face twisted again like it did that night he had told me we didn't match; that we were incompatible.

"How's things?" I breathed evenly. He watched me unsure, his shoulders dropping at my sudden departure from him.

"All good I guess" he shrugged as I nodded.

"Good"

"Ya been busy wid stuff dis week?" he asked rubbing his neck.

I nodded again. "yeah- shit ton of homework for college and April's been keeping me busy in the shop- I need the cash at the minute" I told him.

Through pained eyes we watched each other unnaturally- it was the hardest thing we had ever done.

"Bonnie!" Donnie called as I turned immediately to look at him. I grinned and smiled towards him- that felt more natural as I breathed out a breath of relief.

"Hey Donatello!"

"How's the phone working?" he asked, as I nodded to him and held it out.

"Perfectly- but I'm sure you've been dying to put that upgrade on" I told him with a point. He smiled showing me his teeth as I giggled.

"Come on- I'll show you"

We headed to the dining room where everyone sat. I waved a small wave to Leo who told me it was 'good to see me'. I vaguely felt Raph following me and watching me as we went.

As Donnie worked on my phone and chatted lightly I turned my attention back to Mikey who was singing happily to himself as he cooked.

"What you making Mikey?" I asked crossing my arms. It had occurred to me that Raph had laid his hand under the table again. And I didn't trust myself to touch him that way without feeling a thousand butterflies.

I locked my jaw as his eyes watched me confused- expectantly.

"Were having my homemade veggie lasagne beautiful- stuffed with cheese" he said as I nodded.

"You guys really like Italian food huh?" I asked them all.

"Mostly pizza- Were carb heavy" Donnie added with a shrug- his glasses pointing down to my phone in his hands as he worked.

"But don't worry beautiful- we burn it off with…extra activities" Mikey said with a wink as I shook my head.

He didn't mean it- "we don't date…" I remembered…

The pain edged in a little

Go away… not now…

"What do you like to eat Bonnie?" Leo asked politely as I looked up.

"oh god…I'm a sucker for Chinese takeout…but a good burger's never too far from my list" I told him as he scrunched his nose up at me.

"what?" I laughed under my breath.

"Leo's part veggie beautiful- no meat, fucking pain to cook for" Mikey told me as I looked to him in surprise.

"really?...but you're so…" I trailed off my head with a shake. "Athletic" I added correcting my words. Beside me Raph tensed tight. I Ignored it- "Surely you need meat every now and again for protein?" I added.

"I'm not veggie" Leo rolled his eyes at his younger brother- "I just go periods when I cut back on meat, better for the body and mind" he added as I rolled my eyes.

"well all I know is a good burger and a good beer is good for the soul" I laughed and the others did too.

"Ahem to that cousin" Casey added with a nod.

My eyes flicked down as Raph's hand moved. It was now gripping his chair tightly- his fingers bending the wood impossibly.

I looked away from him and clamped my jaw together again.

Boundaries. He would just have to deal with it.

Dinner carried on the same as normal- I messed with his brothers, and did my best to keep my attention on Raph to a minimum.

April was the only one who seemed to watch our interaction carefully. I did my best to ignore her too.

"We're gonna watch a movie if you guys wanna join?" Mikey asked You can sit in my lap beautiful if you're scared" Mikey winked.

I rolled my eyes.

"Thanks for the offer Mike, but I'll be fine sat on my own"

This time Raph didn't growl, but just sat watching me. I sighed knowing I was being cruel to him. He hadn't done anything wrong…really…

Just lead me to believe he could somehow love me back through his actions…

I sighed. It was confusing and tough. But we needed to get passed this.

Or at least I did.

"Me and Raph can do the dishes tonight" I offered with a smile, when they went to protest I insisted again "'it's the least I can do" I told them as they all smiled to me in thanks.

Raph grumbled.

My heart hammered- but I kept looking away from him. I couldn't turn back round and run into his arms like normal.

The little kitchen fell quiet as we worked silently, I washed and he dried, his huge frame towered over me. With every plate our fingers brushed purposefully- as Raph noticed the difference in me, trying to grab my attention. After a second cup, he looked to me with pained eyes.

"'ave I done somet'in ta upset ya?" he asked as he breathed out to me. I looked down at the sink as I continued to wash plates.

"Don't be silly Raph; I've just been busy that's all…some weeks are like that"

"cept you use ta talk ta me about dem weeks- jeeze, ya 'avent even tried to wind me up once" he said, his tone smooth but edged.

I shrugged.

"Guess I haven't really had the time" I breathed to him. I handed him a cup, only this time his hand moved over mine- stopping my movements, keeping me still and in place.

My face flicked round to his. His body so close to mine. My heart thudded so hard for him. My face burned red.

His hand smoothed over mine gently as I felt my self falling again; deep into the trap as he watched my eyes, trying to figure me out.

"we don't date humans…eva"

I swallowed and turned back to the sink; dropping the cup from my grip as he caught it in his own. I shoved both of my hands into the sink and continued to wash.

I tried my best not to look at Raph's face; which seemed pained.

I didn't understand it; how could he go from acting like we were a couple, to telling me we would never be one…

How could he play with me like that?

I swallowed again and continued to wash; this time placing the plates and cups on the outer-rim of the sink for him to pick up.

He noticed my change of movement almost immediately. But we stayed silent- just doing our jobs as we stayed connected just working with each other.

I could feel the cracking in my heart again.

Gripping onto the little sanity I had left.

With the last dish I dried my hands on the dish towel Raph handed me and I walked narrowly away from him.

"So what ya wont even touch me now?" he growled to me as I spun on my heels turning back to look at him.

My teeth gritted together sharply. I eyed him up.

"What's the matta wid ya?" he pushed and I could feel the words rising up my system, getting ready to snap at him- the anger, the confusion, the frustration.

I wanted to yell at him. I wanted to shake him.

Why would you tell me you wouldn't date a human?

Why would you touch them and hold them before doing that?

Why would you make me fall in love with you when you're never going to return it?

Instead I stayed poised as I looked up to him. My eyes pained. He walked towards me and again; I took a step back.

His entire body broke into a sharp spasm as he grabbed a cup from the sink and threw it to the floor. He growled out in frustration.

His anger reminded me of something else as I looked to the little cup, the memory bringing the fear back.

He looked up to me in shock as he lifted his hands to the air.

"mm sorry- you know a wouldn't eva-" I cut him off. My hand found his arm.

I tried to stop my self doing it but I couldn't. It was the most natural thing for me to do to him.

He needed to calm down.

And friends could still do that right?

Even if one friend was hurt and breaking inside.

"its fine" I breathed, looking down at my hand on his arm, my fingers splayed over his green skin. The warmth of his muscles flexed under my hand.

"Tell me what a did…" he breathed to me in pain. he stepped in and I froze, my eyes lifted to his face, my body on auto pilot.

I wanted this all week; I had craved his touch and my touch on him all week long.

I needed just a minute more of this- just to keep me going this week.

But then my stomach pooled and I kicked myself in my gut.

No more. Boundaries remember? It will get easier…

I stepped back again and shook my curls.

"I just need time Raph that's all; don't worry…its just a funny week" I told him.

But before he could answer me again, I spun on my heels and left the room. Not wanting him to answer me.

As I entered the sitting room, I could see Mikey bouncing up and down to his older brothers.

"Can we go? I'm so psyched over this one" Mikey added.

Leo rolled his eyes as did Donnie.

"Yeah yeah Mikey- last time we snuck in you dropped pizza on the court" Leo added with a point of his finger.

"Accident's happen- I'll be more careful this time! Please Leo can we? can we? can we?!" Mikey begged as Leo sighed.

"Yes- we can go Mike"

He jumped excited.

"you guys coming too?" Leo added looking to April.

"We're away- going to visit my aunt for the night, but thanks for the offer though" she said as Casey crossed his arms and grumbled tightly.

"She's ill Casey, stop being a baby" she added as Casey grumbled again and pouted. I laughed at him.

"Bonnie? You free?" Leo asked, all eyes fell on me.

"where you going?" I asked as I walked over to them

"There's a basket ball game next Friday, we go sit in the 'jumbo-tron'…its pretty cool"

"Oh its so cool beautiful! You would LOVE it" Mikey winked. I was about to tell them I was free excitedly, and that I would love to go- but April beat me to it.

"She can't go- she's gotta daaatteee" April said wiggling her eyebrows.

I blushed heavily and looked to the side-

Away from Raphael.

The air changed around us instantly, a wave of unsteadiness hit the air and a shuffle moved over everyone. Casey looked up.

"A date? With who?" he pressed unsure.

"Kyle Walter…the old manager of the news station I used to work at- he's nice…pretty funny…" April's eyes were sharp on Raph's with every few glances as I swallowed the lump in my throat.

"Ya neva mentioned 'im"

My feet instantly spun to look at Raph- my eyes pained as my breaths came in shallow slow movements.

"I've never met him…it's a blind date- April is setting me up"

I met his face; it was angry, but withheld behind a layer of pain.

"Ya said ya didn't wanna date….dat no one would want ya…" he spouted out smoothly as his words hit the air, burning me a little more- my eyes filled with a small layer of tears that couldn't fall as I grit my teeth.

"'I'm not wanted …maybe I got sick of 'no one' not wanting me…."

I turned away from him but its hand stopped my shoulder quickly. I looked back at him with strong burning anger.

His face was pained, confused and angered. He opened his mouth to me in frustration as growling words fell out of it.

"Someone might..." he called gruffly; angrily with gritted teeth.

"Yeah, except someone doesn't date" I muttered bitterly. "Someone looked me dead in the eye and told me that we don't mix…and wouldn't…ever"

No one seemed to notice- but Raph, who was stood close to me heard the comment. His head lifted up, his eyes wider in realisation.

"Dat's what all dis is ova?!"

Everyone turned to look at him in alarm.

I froze.

"Ya angry ova dat?!" he pressed hard as I turned to face him with wild hurt eyes.

"Not here. Not now" I pushed him in a deep tone.

"No- I think now is a good a time as any princess…ya fuckin' me off because I said dat?!"

"Its not just the words Raph! I mean…its everything! - you don't say that when…when" I tried to word it but I didn't know how to say it. But I couldn't. not here in front of everyone. Not when he had just yelled at me in front of them.

"Yo Raph, ya wanna get out of my cousins face?" Casey sat up eyeing us protectively.

We both turned to look at him sharply.

"Shut up Casey" we both growled out. Raph spun back round to face me as I stepped up to him our eyes just as mad as each other's.

"When what? Ya playin' wid me coz I told ya about us an' humans…its pretty obvious we don't mix, ya dunce!"

That really pushed me over the edge.

"What the fuck am I Raph?!" I bellowed. A silence spread throughout the room. Everyone froze. Even Casey. I could feel my tears building.

"So its okay for you to tell me that you'll never date- that you wouldn't ever date a human…basically saying they don't matter to you…they would never interest you that way" I pressed hard, my eyes welling with hot angry tears.

"I think we should go…" Leo's voice was quiet as the others in the room slowly started to filter out. April grabbed Casey's shoulder but he shrugged out of it.

"I'm not leaving her with him!" he pushed. Raph snarled.

"As if a would eva 'urt her you jackass" he breathed at him.

"Now your picking a fight with anyone!" I exasperated at him. He turned back to me and growled out.

"I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO 'ERE DOLL, YA PISSIN' ME OFF! AN' I DON'T GET IT"

"HOW CAN YOU NOT UNDERSTAND WHY IM SO UPSET WITH YOU?!" I yelled straight back, my eyes wild.

"COZ IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE! YA NOT MAKIN SENSE! I DIDN'T MEAN IT LIKE DAT!"

I turned on my feet, my teeth gritted.

"Guess I'm too stupid and too human for you…right Raph?" I breathed out low to him. I crossed my arms as my chest imploded.

"What…what ya sayin' doll?" he breathed to me, his eyes much softer.

And I couldn't bare it.

"I'm saying exactly what you did…that we don't match…that we wont ever match…ever"

I pushed back the tears as I looked dead into his eyes. He froze; not sure what to say or do.

A silence ran over us.

And I couldn't bare it any longer.

I took off, sprinting away before anyone else could say anything. I turned back down the corridor I had came from earlier and flew up the stairs.

I ran down the little sewer pipe walk way as the tears were coming back. My heart raced in my chest as a sob filled me, the pain unbearable as it came hurtling back to me.

I ran as best as I could, the rain- beat down onto my face as I ran most of the way home. My hair soaked and my clothes sodden as the storm picked up around me.

I cried as I went- my sobs rolling in the thunder outside as I breathlessly began climbing my stairwell.

Thank god for adrenaline. Thank god my building was only a twenty-minute run.

As I got into my apartment I threw my bag down onto the floor and fell onto my couch with a sob. The pain hurtled back to me as I flung my head down into my hands.

I breathed deeply, my tears streaming.

None of this would work- and it confused me so much.

Everything I was frightened of happening was happening; and there was nothing I could do about it.

Then a cracking sound on my door had me standing- and I turned to see my balcony door wide open; my curtains whipped in the wind as a soaked Raph stood opposite me, glaring at me with his shoulders rising and falling deeply, shaking with the cold rain.

"So ya say dat an' then ya jus' fucked off?! AGAIN?!" he roared.

Raph stood, looking at me in pain, his hands flared out in agony as he watched me. He walked towards me sharply.

I turned to look at him drying my eyes.

"What else do you want me to do RAPH?!" I gasped as his eyes widened even further, anger bubbling up in them.

"Are ya fuckin' serious?! You go all fuckin' weird on me, ya don't wanna see me- come up wid any excuse ya can to avoid me- fuckin' talk to my bro's ova me- ignore every chance I get ta touch ya-ya neva did before- an' den you say all of dat…WHAT THE FUCK?!" He growled.

I jumped a little, but the anger stayed. I stayed furious and confused.

"You know what Raph; go fuck yourself!" I growled back to him sharply.

"YOU don't have ANY right to come in here, YOU DON'T have ANY idea what it was like when you told me that to me!" I moved closer to him- angrier, furious as my hands raised up and fell sharply in frustration.

"I dunno how you could take it da wrong way!" he growled.

"OH fuck OFF Raph- how could I not?!" I growled out. "God it doesn't even matter anyway…I've got a date next week; I don't need this" I breathed out pinching my nose.

He looked up to me angrily again; jealousy all over his face.

"Don't you dare look at me like that" I threatened. "We don't match- remember" I pressed hard. His mouth opened as his shoulders hunched tight- emotion danced across his face. "Your fucking words" I growled out to him.

"I didn't mean it like dat!"

"Well you had no problem saying it to me! No problem telling me about it!"

His body shook.

"I meant in general ya idiot!" he growled as I turned to look at him

"Well maybe I mean it out of general terms!" I pushed with a growl, a few tears dripped out as he stood up tall and waved his hands out at me.

"So All dat shit about bein' honest, an' lookin' at me in dat way, an' touchin' me an' flirtin wid me-' makin' me t'ink dat-"

I could feel the scream coming from deep in my chest.

"ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW?!" I bellowed out at him "ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?!" my voice scraped into a scream. "THAT'S WHAT YOU'VE BEEN DOING TO ME!"

I gasped out my eyes wild. My hands found his chest as I shoved him.

"I THOUGHT YOU WANTED ME! I THOUGHT YOU COULD LIKE ME BUT THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN YOUR TELLING ME YOU GUYS DON'T DATE- YOU AND HUMANS DON'T MATCH- WELL LOOK AT ME RAPH. IM HUMAN!"

I shook violently as the words left me viciously.

"And for the record you dumb fucking turtle-" I spat out- that seemed to hit the nail in his head.

"-YOU DON'T HUG AND HOLD SOMEONE YOU'RE NOT INTERESTED IN – YOU DON'T TOUCH THEM AND MAKE THEM THINK YOU WANT THEM IF YOUR NOT INTERESTED." My heart beat slammed so hard in my chest. My hand shoved towards him as it found his chest, I shoved him hard- twice, his physically shook underneath my fingers as my hands grappled at him.

"YOU DON'T CALL THEM BEAUTIFUL AND MAKE THEM FEEL SO FUCKING LOVED IF YOU DON'T WANT THEM RAPH!"

I couldn't see him, only feel him as my eyes closed in hot anger. I paced, my eyes locked down on his form.

"Do you have any idea what it was like when you held me and touched me?" my hands ran over my arms and body as my head rolled back "God it was EVERYTHING to me- EVERYTHING…and for you to tell me that it wasn't ever going anywhere…that none of this was important to you" I laughed humourlessly, toxically.

"Was I just interesting for you to look at? A little human for you to mess with and hold...like I was some kind of pet to you? Is that what I am? Is that how you 'superior' ninja turtles view us?!" I pressed knowing I was speaking poisonous things, and I didn't care. He had hurt me- he had played with me so much, and I didn't understand it.

"Don't-" He growled out- he was purring, but it was a different kind of purr- like a motorbike before it takes off. He physically shook in the room as he watched me, his face twisted into his dark look I had never seen before. His eyes were black; nearly all the colour in them gone. I ignored it, spouting off on my own long droned rant that I had suppressed for the longest of times.

I needed this. I needed the freedom to empty out my hurt to him. He needed to hear it.

"Well you know what?" I pushed. My hand went to shove him again. "Maybe this human couldn't ever date a fucking turtle"

I span back around away from him and it all happened in less than 10 seconds.

The snap came from him.

He grabbed my wrist in his hand tight as I gasped.

Pain shot down my arm.

And instantly he froze.

My wrist in his grip splashed in pain.

His face horrified. His hand retracted immediately, his body falling backwards as he shook himself away from me.

I hadn't ever seen him look so terrified. And it broke everything else in me.

My anger snapped away, my frustration evaporated. My words piling back on me making me realise how horrible I had been; how stupid I had been, how everything I said didn't matter.

Immediately he was gone- the breeze blowing my curtains wildly to me.

Hot tears flashed down my face.

My entire being broke.

"N-No" I whispered, scrambling out onto my balcony in the rain and wind. My hair whipped across my face as I looked around for him. My eyes blurred by rain and tears.

Without thinking, I scrambled down my fire escape and along the alley ways. I looked up to the roof tops; he had to be up there some where.

I scrambled quickly to the near by building, clambering up the fire escape of another building as I jumped and threw my body up and over things. With a growl I hauled my self up on the snippy balcony edges.

My wrist ached, my lungs burned and my legs were like jelly as I scrambled and rushed to the roof top of the high story building.

At the top I could see my roof tops below, a breath flashed out of me; hot and ragged as I tried to suck down a breath into my shaking system.

"RAPH!" my voice scraped as thunder raked above. A flash of lightening scattered the sky making me jump as I growled again.

"RAPHAEL!"

Another roll of hot tears flew from me, my insides burned and bubbled as I sobbed out his name over and over; my eyes searched the thunderous skies in hope to see him.

I flicked my head round backwards and forewords hoping for something.

Then there- left, a shadow, bandana tails- two buildings away.

"RAPHAEL!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, my voice burning and screaming for him.

His figure slumped, his body slow.

I couldn't wait any longer.

I sprinted over the rooftop as best as my soaked shoes could take me, only stopping when I come to the edge. With a growl I looked down. My senses alert and burning.

I could jump that- the gap was less than a meter- I could do it. My eyes looked up to the slumped body.

I had to.

I stepped back nervous and then with a feral growl dashed forward my feet leaving the secure concrete roof as I reached for the next one.

I felt sick, my heart hammered- my body shaking as I landed finally with a thump, falling to the ground harshly, as I pulled my body back around lifting my self from the floor. My eyes locked onto the now more visible figure.

It was definitely him.

I sprinted across again, my vision spotting as my un-exercised body burned, my legs shook, feeling my self pushed on adrenaline and surges and spurts of worry.

Somewhere in the back of my mind I made note to take up jogging again.

The wind howled against me, thrashing at my now straw like hair which flitted across my vision, layers and layers of rain drops fell tight against my eyes as I looked around nervous and terrified.

The next roof top along and I could see him.

Then to make things so much worse, I could see his slumped figure was no longer alone.

Two stealth figures, only showing up when the sky lit with lightening moved across slowly towards him; guns in their hands.

I gasped and screamed.

Not him. Not my Raph.

That's when I felt something I had never felt before; a burning- hot and tight- pulling me as I growled out loudly. A new surge of adrenaline and emotion that moved me like an animal.

I growled out, as my hands clawed at anything around me, fumbling and scraping at the concrete viciously as I shook.

Not him.

I grabbed a loose metal pole and yanked it out.

Not him.

I sprinted the fastest I had ever gone against the wind and the water and the thunder.

Not him.

They moved towards him. I carried on bailing over, running the roof top as I clambered and climbed and jumped. I reached the edge of the new roof, fear spread like wildfire as more tears fell.

Not him.

I pushed on my eyes locked onto the characters; knowing they were not paying note of me- they were looking at Raph.

I backed up again and jumped, harder this time, hauling my chunk of a body over to the other side.

It was a little further, but I still made it. I rolled as I landed unprofessionally, slobbishly as I hit the turf, pain searing my forearm and shoulder as it scraped down against the concrete floor.

Luckily thunder growled again as the wind whistled, masking my loud fall to the ground.

I got up, not wasting any time as I crouched round looking for them. They were nearly in front of him. I could hear their voices taunting at him.

"Lost your voice now turtle? Ha! Turned into the animal you are"

"Master will be pleased we have caught one"

I couldn't wait anymore. I moved swiftly behind them, carefully; I could now see Raph's face.

It was unlike anything I had ever seen before; the pain in his eyes stared hard at his hands which lay open on his lap. His body slumped like he was made of clay.

His mouth was open slightly as rain dripped from his lips.

I had caused this. I had made him feel that way.

And I hated my self for it.

The guys raised the gun up to Raph as they barked out a command to him.

"Stand"

He didn't, he stayed frozen. And it was only then when I noticed his arms- sliced across harshly, blood tumbling out smoothly; his Sai's laying in his lap loosely, the ends of them tarnished with his blood.

"No" I whispered. The anger seeping back in, the pain rolling to me uncontrollably.

I couldn't bare it.

With the two soldiers backs to me, I gripped the metal pole in my hand tight crouching behind a large sub-electric fan that sat on the roof top. I moved around it carefully, my feet struggling to do as I wanted them too.

But then the surge of hurt bellowed out to me as one of them loaded their gun, the safety clicked off.

I moved.

It happened so fast, my body working on primal instinct as I swung the pole to their heads harshly. One dropped instantly.

The other turned to look but I thrust the pipe out into his face, the crunch of his nose oddly familiar as he reeled back and blood fell down his face.

I snapped the pole back in my hand and thrust it round the back of his head. It clunked as the soldier fell to the ground. Blood and rain washing his face away.

I kicked them both hard as I turned, pulling the guns away from them.

I turned back to Raph. He sat the same, his eyes dead.

I moved over to him.

"Raph" I called weakly, a sob in my mouth lined up. "Raph please" my hands round his arms, his forearms as I rubbed them down.

I looked to my palms, they were red with blood.

"What did you do?" I whimpered out with a heavy shake in my voice.

"What did you do Raph?" I pushed. He didn't answer me; just looked down in absolute horror.

And then he moved just a little. His mouth slammed shut as his eyes squeezed together tightly.

And for the first time I had ever expected; a sob rolled from him. A heavy deep sob as his tears fell from his eyes.

I was immediately in his lap, my legs straddling his sitting up figure as he stayed still. He was so vulnerable, so weak here.

And I had caused it.

I put both my hands on his face tightly, bringing his eyes to my face.

"I'm so sorry; I'm so so sorry- all of this is my fault…if I hadn't been…if I hadn't gotten so bitchy about what you said then…" I shook my head letting my own tears fall. I held his face tightly in my hands, the rain thumping down between us as he looked at me in pain.

"No" he whispered out to me "I 'urt ya…I promised ya no one would…and I grabbed ya…I…"

He growled out a feral growl under my hands as his own hands and arms shook; the deep scratches caused by his sais shook as he reached round to claw at them again in frustration- to cause himself harm.

"Stop it right now; stop" I told him grabbing his arms to still them. His face inches from mine as I looked to him sobbing my heart out.

It was only then when one of the soldiers grumbled lazily.

"We have to go" I told him in a whisper. "Please Raph"

"You go…let 'em get me…let 'em shoot me…."

I growled out at him as I grabbed his face harshly, tightly- pulling his eyes round to look at me.

"FUCKING STOP THAT RIGHT NOW" I told him, I shook with anger, my fingers probably bruising his cheeks as his lips squished together in my grip. His worn out and dead eyes looked onto me tightly.

"I DON'T care what happened before. I just want you home" I told him. "If you die; I die- I can't live without you Raph- I'm not going back without you" I told him firmly. I clawed at his cheeks.

"Please" I begged.

That's when a gun clicked behind me, and my eyes spread with fear. Raph's seemed to wake up as well as I turned my head slowly to view the gun at the side of us; the guard who's nose I had cracked open, stood spitting blood out to the floor; his left eye where I had hit him was swollen too- blood seeping from his socket.

My arms held on tighter to Raphael.

"You're gonna pay for that turtle whore"

The gun swished over to me in an instant.

Ooooooo Okay guys...

Another cliff hanger! Hows everyone holding up?

What do we think of that then?!

Poor Raph...

Poor Bonnie...

This chapter had my emotions everywhere!

How did you feel?

You know what to do!

I'll try not to keep you all in the dark for too long...

Owl x