Chta 7ud
The nxt day at skool I stepped out of Eduard's Audi 2 a hole knew realiti. U wudnt think that holdin sum1s hand (even a hanf so sexay as edwurds hand) woul make everbody loose there minds but whattdya fukkin no, everybody wuz amazedballz! As we waked thru the parkin lot I relized dat I was acshuly mad skarred. Not jus bcuz all the students wud think I wuz TOTALLY UNPOSI 4 dating a emo pozer lik Edward, but also b/c I new Mike Newtown's feelins wud get mad hurt by seeing me MACKIN wif sum1 else. Dough I'd nawt wanted 2 admit it, I had ben crushin on Mike Newtown'z cayoot face n' electric-blue died jewfro sinze the furst tiem I'd met him in da hallway outsid Bilologie klass. Kan u blame me? I mean, we likd all the sam bandz and his myspace quote wuz "XXXXX I kut my hart OPEN, I SO myself shout XXXXXX" wich wuz a vary deep song so I new dat he wuz senzitiv and all dat shit even tho all hiz frends were majir prepz. I men, there's lik 25 kids in furks at al so who else r u gonna b frenz wif? THA CULLINS?
But den I relized: dat wuz xactly whut I was doin. I syed.
Anyway every1 wuz lookin at us as we trugged thru the parking lot (jus lik in da movie!) an every1 wuz lookin at us, not just Mike Newtown and Angellea but also the otha Collins and all the prepz frum de NORTH COMINZ and al the xxxhardcorexxx kidz frum SOUF COMMISH and sum of the teechers as well! It wuz s o surprizin I saw Cody Alcantara run int2 the bushes b/c he wuz so surprised he shittttt his pantS! ! (AN: FUK U CODI IF U THINK THAT UR SMARTER DAN MI JUS CAUZ UR THE CAPTAN OF QUIZ BOUL DEN UR DUMMER THAN U THINK I AM/11!_
"wooww wtf I thot we were gunna kill her ,not mak out wiof her, shesh lewish," Alicia sed. The otter guy lokked at us all werd (which was made rude coz cum on b happi 4 ur bro he hasn't gotten any in lik 100 years) but dat waznt too werd actually bc he looks every1 lik dat anyways.
So we went 2 da lunchroom 4 bRAKfast an even tho I was relly feling quite not hungry cuz I saw the bummed-our look on Mike Newotnw's face, wen who the fukk did u think wuz dere but….. GUY FIERO!
"OMG!" I exhulted. "Food network supastar Guy Ferriri? Wat r u doin here u murdered Anna Kendrick in cold bl00d like yestadaiii! Shudnt u b on da run?"
Howeva, Guy Feieri didn't wanna kill nybudi this tiem bcuz nobody had brot up Bobbi Fleigh. iNsted he wuz al "I no Im a shmurder! But dese cheese fryz r soooooooo gangsta" he sed. "I praktikally want 2 cum bc there so Rockstar!"
"EAT MI DIK BUDDY!" Edwahrd suddenly yelled and bit in2 guy ferero rocher's neck lik he wuz biting in2 the chez frizz.. dere wuz SO MUCH BLUD. It went allll ova tha wallz and the floorz and tha sealing as well!
"GOD DAM U VAMPIRS I HAD SO MANY DINNERS, DRIV-INS AND DIRVES TO VISYT! NAO WHO WIL SHOW AMERIKA WERE DA QUALITY CHIKIN FINGERZ ARE?" Den….. he EXPLODED and the hole caf wuz filed wif HAIR GEL!
"Edudard!" I blue up. "Wai did u kill American tresur Guy Ferri?"
'DID NOT I TEL U HE WUZ VAMPIRE HUNTA?" He yelled at me and I wuz relly turned awf. Eduwarf may be mad hawtttt but wen ur rawr u no dat men bein al aggro and tocksicully maskulin is wayyy nawt kool and dat he iz unawair of his unurned privlidge. (Dats wai I preferred Mike Newtown, who waz also pretty sexi in a more akwireed taste sort of wai). "HE WUZ GUNNA KIL MAI FAMILY!"
"But ur al vampires! I telled. "There's lik six of yu, yu cud have torn him apart wif out tryin if he tried anything, dats not kool."
A parent lee the rest of that Cullins agreed wif me, but four different reasins. "WTF EDVARD?" Rosally expositied. "Wai, like, wud u kill Guy Fieero? U no dat now da, like, Katholik Church is goin 2 send an even, like, moar powerfull vampire hunta 2 get us! U, like, blew are cover u HARE BRAINED IDIOT! U SUPA DUM ASS! NOW WERE ALL GUNNA HALF TO, LIKE, RUN AWAI AND LET SHEN YUN BRING MATT BACK TO LIF, STOOPID!"
I siyed. In da distanze, I cud c mike Newtown hangnin his hed sadly. He wuz hertboken dat I wuz wif Eduward, and dat I wuz also complisit in da murder of American institution Guy Ferrari. I yerned 2 tell him tha truf! But I coudnt endanger him. I likd him 2 much 2 do dat. Afta all, its lik da song sayz: 'I wud doo anything 4 luv, but I wont do dat."
OMG, wuz I in luv wif mike Newtown?