Chapter 8.
Dat nite, I wuz sittin in my bedrum cause I was mad grounded 4 not tellin my dad dat Guy Ferrari wuz ded and dat I had ben dere. Bcuz I hadn't told him fast enuff, he wuznt able to find out who killed him, tho he suzpeckted that it wuz a big fan of Bobbi Fleigh. "If u think about it," he sed, afyer he yelled me for like A HOLE HOUR, "the most obvi peeps it cud b is Anna Kendrick's parentz, Howard & margot. Thart hole haus is CRAZY 4 bobbi flay. Also, he killed there child, too. But they were in Ilwaco for tha weekend…. Its an airtite alibi. But dere r no other suspkects!"
Trust mi: I wanted to tell him it wuz Eduward lik CRAY-Z. I thot eduward had ben a HUGE DOUCHE by killin Guy Ferreri. True, he had killed Anna Kenrick, but he delited millons of Americanz 2! At tha very leest, he deserved to have a large pubic trile wear people across America cud watch him confess and TV ratings wud skyrocket, lik wif dat hole OJ Simpsons thing. Jus drinkin his bloud was, quite frankly, really rood.
Danny (I use his 1st name only wen I'm pissed awf him) left me in my rum and locked it from the outside, leafing me to sit around and b bord. Inocently, I logged in2 my favorite search engine "ALTAVISTA" n searched "wai r vampires such diks". The furst paige that came up wuz a long tract written bi a dude named "Chief Running Eahgul." His websit sed he had ben fiting wif vampirs 4 his hole life, and dat he beleafed that vampires were so awbnockscious b/c "even tho there relly gud baseball playerz, vampirs are specifically exclooded from joining major leag bassball, sinze they wud mak the game 2 hard 4 humans." Furthurmoar, he sed dat "Vampirs are famus 4 bein lyres about bein vampires, among mani otha things, lik a secret ancent dance called "SHEN YUN" dat dey claim will end the world. I cud say moar here, but the government and the Katholic Church wud hunt me down, and also it wud make the book shorter."
OMG! Wuz edwaurd lieing 2 me? Had he mad up the hole Shen Yun conpiracee in rorder 2 get in my PANTZ? I decided 2 get answurs. I luked up the address of Chief Running Eahgul in the fone buk (since his websit sed he lifed in the Olimpik Penisula) and den went on MAPKWEST 4 direkshions. But how waz I goin 2 escape my haus wifout mai dad [or edword] findin out?
In despare, I called the only person I new wud pik up:
"Hello0o0o? Vikrum? Who dis?"
IT wuz nice 2 hear Mike Newtown's stabul, semsitive, swave voice on da fone. I smilled 4 da 1st tiem since I had hidden under Eduaurd Colin's Audi.
"Mike Newtown! Haldo!"
"omg, vikrum, wat r u doin callin me? Shudnt u b wif EDWEIRD? (AN: Burn!)
"Mike Newtown, I don't have much time- I ned to go 2 da reservation and tawk 2 the Indian chef but im gronded by my pops!"
"He syed. "Shudnt u be callin Edwerd to help u? Afta all, he's a VAMYPRE, he prawbs can jump into ur bedrum windoo and steel u awaii in da nite, y u callin sum pritt normie lik meeee"
"Dats da fing! I ned 2 go 2 tha reservertion 2 tak ABOUT edwwerd. Im not sure if hes a vampire or not! He may half been lyin 2 me tha whole tiem!"
Obvisily I had explaned wat I cud aboot wait I wuz dating edwerd. I didn't tel him aboot Shen yung or anything (2 keep him safe), so I jus told him he had a relly big dik and dat shut him up. I did wat I had 2 du. But I cudnt help but tell mai best frand aboot my douts about edwerd, and I new he wud take dis newz vary well.
Dere wuz a LOOOOONG paws.
"Lemme see wut I kan cook up," he sed, "Ill be ova dere in 20."