Manna from Heaven, 13:30.
Not what I expected. All sorts of nerd shit on the walls- obscure anime posters, framed, flattened out boxes from old school text adventure games on PC systems no one's used in decades, trading cards from series I've never heard of… I'm a little surprised Yuri, of all people, would be the one to invite me here. Guess she could have picked up a new hobby since high school, though. I shouldn't be so quick to judge.
I'm the first to arrive, since I only have a 9:30 class today. I'm only five minutes early when I get here, but I'm still a little surprised. Then I remember that I'm usually on time to things if I'm on my own… it's Sayori who makes us late all the time. The thought immediately stings, and what little appetite I had is gone before Yuri shows up, apologizing profusely for being late.
I glance at my phone. 13:33. "Yuri, it's only a couple minutes. You're fine."
"E-eh… is it?" She sheepishly pulls her own phone out of her bag, turns the screen on, and sinks into the chair across from me, briefly burying her face in her arms. "S-sorry…" It's only when she looks back up at me that I notice her cheeks are red and she's breathing heavily. "I went home to take a n-nap after my last class and woke up l-later than I meant to… I r-ran most of the way here…"
"You could have just sent me a text saying you were running late, you know."
"I…" Yuri faceplants for a second time, coming back up yawning. "Probably s-should have. I panicked." She shrugs and tries to force a smile. "Is Monika coming?"
"Yeah, she should be here soon. Said her last class was at twelve-forty-five, and she'd be here as soon as she could. You can go order something while we wait if you want, I was waiting on at least one of you to show up before I did." Half-truth. I was waiting, before I killed my own appetite.
"Oh, s-sure… I'll just order a cup of tea for now. Do you want me to get you anything?"
"No, I'm alright. Thanks." Yuri heads up to the counter and places her order, returning a couple minutes later with an insulated cup. "Sorry it's just me today. I'm sure Sayori would've come if she could have."
"Oh, I'm still glad to see you too, MC-kun! I sent her the same text, but she never even responded… is she sick?"
"S-something like that." It takes more effort than I thought it would to end that sentence there. Even though I already told Monika the most recent update, I'd still rather wait for her to get here, so I can explain everything once… not sure I can handle it a second time.
There must be a crack in my metaphorical mask; Yuri has a look on her face like she knows I'm holding back on her. "I know I asked yesterday, but is everything… are you okay, MC? I haven't heard a lot out of either of you lately, and with what you said last time you and I spoke…"
I slump a little in my seat, unwilling to push aside the veil just yet. "I am not, but thank you for asking."
"Do you…?"
"When Monika gets here… I promise. It's- it's not going to be… it's been a really tough couple weeks, Yuri. I'd hate to bum you out so soon, so… how have you been? How'd you find this place? It doesn't really seem like you, if that makes sense."
Yuri smiles, her eyes fixed on the mug instead of me. I'm a little relieved, to be honest… she gets a little… intense… when she's worried. "My boyfriend is really into Magic the Gathering, and this cafe hosts a monthly tournament upstairs every month. I don't know a lot about the game, but they make pretty good food, and it's not too expensive."
I'm more surprised by- "Boyfriend?" I grin despite myself, unable to keep it away. "Good for you, Yuri. Is that something new? Can't remember you mentioning him before…"
"No…" She sounds a little hurt. Fuck, has she said something about him before? "We've been dating for six months. I'm sure I told you about him, MC-kun… Teru?"
The name doesn't sound even remotely familiar. "I-I'm sorry, Yuri… guess I'm as forgetful as Sayori lately. Must have rubbed off on me after all these years."
She looks back up at me, her knuckles slightly white around the cup. "Are things that bad again? Did she run-" Yuri cuts herself off as something catches her eye. We both look to the side in time to see Monika skirt around a crowd passing by outside and enter the cafe. Yuri must have seen the giant bow tying our friends hair back- green, a new color for her, at least not one I've ever seen her wear. Matches her eyes.
"Hi, guys! Sorry I'm late!" Cool as ever, Monika lobs her bag over the table and into the empty chair to my right, landing it perfectly on the seat as she carefully lowers herself onto the chair to my left. "Did you already eat?"
"No, we were waiting on you. Right, MC-kun?"
"Yeah, yeah, right. You two go ahead, I'm not really hungry. I had a big breakfast."
"Are you sure-"
"C'mon, Yuri, I'm starving." Monika flashes me a quick look of concern before returning a smile to her lips, leading Yuri back to the counter. She glances back at me again while Yuri orders, and I have to look away. I know that look, too well. It's almost identical to the one she gave me when she told me I should- no, when she told me to go check on Sayori, the day she tried to hang herself. Even knowing there's nothing but the purest intent behind it, something about it makes my blood turn cold. Feels like she's reading my mind.
The girls return in short order with sandwiches and fruit; Yuri slides a bowl of fixed fruit slices in front of me without a word. Still a little frosty from Monika's glance, a pick up a piece of an orange and pop it into my mouth. We all eat in silence for a few minutes, until-
"What's going on with Sayori, MC?" Monika fixes me with a stare that's simultaneously better and worse than the dreaded worry-look. I can't quite parse what it's supposed to be- it's not quite concern, but not really suspicion, either. It doesn't turn my veins to ice… it makes my stomach turn, instead.
"She's…" I told Monika about this last night, it shouldn't be so hard to find the words. I'm almost tempted to pull my phone out, as if the message I sent her might help me phrase this correctly. "Sayori committed herself to the Kawasaki Regional Mental hospital yesterday morning." I want to say more, but it feels like the air has been forced out of my lungs, like something is pushing from both sides.
"Oh my…" Monika looks away, hands holding her sandwich just off the plate.
"Oh…" Yuri, on the other hand, looks directly at me. "What happened, if you don't mind me asking?"
"She-" I catch myself, quickly debating whether or not I should mention the final straw. I know Yuri's had some trouble with self-harm in the past, and I'd hate to upset her, too. I'm running low on friends. "Ah… should- should I go over everything?" Monika nods, looking from me to Yuri, and Yuri looks like she's waiting for me to continue, so I do. "She's gotten a lot worse over the last few months. Her medicine stopped being effective for a while, and she spent two or three weeks mostly living with me because she would wake up with auditory hallucinations, and they were…" I struggle to find the right word, pushing the fruit around with a slice of apple. "I'd say 'rough,' but I don't really fully know what she was hearing, to be honest. I don't usually ask, since that just makes it worse. But she got her dosage upped after the first couple days, and things got better… she was mostly sleeping over because it made her feel safe, I think after the voices themselves went away, she was still having nightmares. It's… gotten a little foggy, to be honest."
"That's- take your time, MC." Monika reaches over and takes a piece of melon out of the bowl in front of me. I push the entire thing towards her, but she pushes it back with the slightest shake of her head.
"I said something that set her off and she didn't talk to me for a couple days, and then when I tried to talk to her, we got into a fight and it's- it was just-" I sigh, running a slightly sticky hand through my hair. "The pharmacy fucked up the amount when they filled the higher dosage prescription, and she didn't tell me or go get it fixed herself, so she ran out of pills and went off the deep end. That's… I think that's the easiest way to explain it."
"She didn't seem that bad off when I went to check on her…" The worry-look again. There's a hint of something else in there, self-doubt maybe, that she might have missed something.
"She called me after you left and yelled at me for half an hour, Monika."
"You didn't tell me that."
"I didn't want you to feel bad for being worried. Either of you. Sayori hasn't been herself, and I'd hate for her to- I'm used to it, you know? I can handle the mood swings. I don't want her to take it out on anyone else."
"Did she do something, MC-kun?" Yuri looks almost as uneasy as Monika. She's barely touched her food… must have been listening so intently, she forget it was there. Wouldn't be the first time.
"I'm not sure I should say. Well… I guess- yes, she did, I'm just thinking it might be too upsetting-"
"I was up all night worrying about both of you, MC." I take it back. Worried-Yuri might be intense, but forceful-Yuri is scary. "Just tell us what's wrong, okay? Knowing something is, but not what it is is so much worse…"
"We didn't talk for almost a week, and Monika gave me the spare key, so I went- I went to check on her." Bile burns the back of my lungs. "Apartment was trashed, she's got heavy blackout curtains now." I bite into the piece of apple I've been playing with, hoping it might cool the fire on the back of my tongue, but it's gone room temperature by now. Damn. "I found- I f-found… Sayori…"
My eyes are suddenly heavy; I blink a few times, but it does little to help, like I've been crying for hours and there's nothing left. "She'd… she said the voices told her I wouldn't come back unless she cut herself… like, a lot…" I shudder, and Monika reaches over to pat my hand. Looking down at the bowl, I just barely catch her and Yuri share a look- both wide-eyed, shock, horror, it's hard to tell. "She'd been sick, too, probably a combination of that and not really eating anything more than a couple snack cakes for more than a week. It was- I think that's the worst thing I've seen in person. She was so… pitiful…"
I push the bowl away from me and put my head down on my arms for a minute. I need to… I don't know, I need to do something. Not exist, not think for a bit, block everything out. Monika -presumably, since I can't see- pats my back gently until I raise my head back up; when I do, she jumps a little. "Not physically or anything, but I think she tried to hurt me, and that might have helped set off the spiral. When she called to yell at me that day, the last thing she did was apologize for being sick, which isn't new… but she said I would still be happy if she wasn't."
The girls look from me to each other and then back again. Monika hesitates, but seems to recognize the door I've opened. "Natsuki."
"I think that's what she meant. Like I'm not…" I rub my eyes with the hand that hasn't been playing the fruit bowl. "Like I'm not happy with her."
"Have you tried talking to her? Natsuki, I mean." The question comes from Yuri, and for the third time today, I'm surprised. She's really come out of her shell since high school, but especially in the last… few months… fuck, I'm sure she's mentioned her boyfriend, probably more than one, and I've just completely forgotten.
"Not since…" It's the first time I've acknowledged this outside my own thoughts. "The last time I talked to her was the day before she broke up with me. I told her I loved her and I'd see her in the morning… fucked that up."
"She's never stopped asking about you, MC."
Monika chimes in with something immediately after, but I can't process it. It feels like everything has stopped- no, like I've stopped, but the world is still moving around me.
The crush comes back, and it's all I can do to keep myself from hyperventilating, skipping crying entirely. My entire body shakes- worrying, since it's usually just my hands. She's never stopped asking…
"MC?" Monika shakes me lightly, one hand on my shoulder? "MC? Are you okay?"
"She-" I clear my throat; my voice is suddenly hoarse, likely a result of how dry my throat has just as rapidly become. "Natsuki really still asks about me? Both of you?"
"At least once a month." Yuri nods.
"Sometimes more. She asks if you ever talk about her, sometimes, too."
Oh… god. "D-do… do you tell her no?"
Monika's face resembles the way I feel, a deer in the headlights of a bullet-train. "No, I- I try to talk around it. I did the first time without really thinking, and it didn't… she didn't take it well."
"Not to-" Can't seem to get my throat cleared. "Not to say the two of you aren't super helpful when it comes to Sayori, but Natsuki was…" My voice cracks every third word, and my chest just feels tight now. "She was to me what I am to Sayori, she just… she never complained, she was always so…" I tear up, and it's a fight to stop it there. I bite the inside of my cheek and take a deep breath through my nose.
"I'll tell her to call you later." Monika motions for Yuri to pass her bag around the table, pulling her phone out of the top pocket when she does.
"No, I couldn't ask you-"
"Already done. I just said you're having a tough time, and you might appreciate it if she called you this afternoon." Monika smiles, then zips her phone back up into her bag. "I've gotta run if I want to get back to school in time for my next class, though. It was nice seeing you guys again! We should do this again sometime soon… maybe things won't be so gloomy next time."
"I'm sorry, guys, I just- it was easier to do this in person. Not easy, but… easier."
We all stand up at the same time, and once again, Yuri is the one to take charge, taking everyone's plates and dumping them in a bin near the counter. We all leave together, Monika quickly blending back into the crowd after a quick goodbye, but Yuri and I linger near the cafe's entrance, neither of us really sure what to say.
"MC, I'm…" She sighs, twirling her hair around one finger. Guess some habits never die. "It doesn't feel sincere to say it, but I'm sorry. I had no idea, about any of that. I wouldn't have tried to get you to talk about it if-"
"No, no, no, don't… I don't want you upset too, Yuri… can't deal with that, on top of everything else. I shouldn't be so obtuse, 'no everything is awful but I won't explain it' and stuff like that, it's just- it never feels right telling people about what Sayori's going through, even when I know she's keeping you updated on her own. It's not my struggle, you know? It's humiliating sometimes, and she gets so worked up over stuff that no one but the two of us and her therapist know about, and I- I just want her to be okay. I just want her to be happy and okay again, and every time we take a step closer to that, it's like something sets us three steps back…"
Yuri herds me a few feet away from the cafe before hugging me, and I try not to cry into her shoulder the entire time. "She'll be okay, MC-kun. She just needs a little help sometimes, and I don't think there's anyone else in the world better suited to provide it than you. I don't want to overstep any boundaries by saying this, but maybe if you worry a little less about her hang-ups and more that she stays on her medications, that might help in the long run. Not that you can't do both, just seems like one would be more helpful than the other… no matter how upset she is by something, it's only going to get worse if she becomes destabilized again."
"That's… really good advice, Yuri. Th-thank you."
She squeezes me a little tighter, then lets go. "Of course. I'm sure you know more about her condition than I do, but sometimes it helps to have an outside perspective."
"Y-yeah…" Man, if I hadn't talked to her in years, I don't know if I could handle new, confident Yuri. It's a massive departure from the girl Sayori introduced me to in the Literature Club. Then again, I guess the only one of us who hasn't changed that much is Monika. "Well, I'll let you get back to school. I should've told Monika before she left, but I really appreciate this… this is the first normal day I've had in months. Feels like I've been on autopilot for weeks…"
"Do you want me to walk you home? I'm actually done with classes for the day…"
"W-would… would you mind?"
"Of course not. I don't think I've seen your new place, since you moved last year."
"Oh, it's nothing spe- thanks, Yuri." She offers me the crook of her arm, and I hook mine through it. "Really. I guess we've both been stuck in a loop lately."
"Don't worry about it, MC-kun. I'm just glad at least one of you is okay."