A/N: Okay, this chapter needs a warning. It is, sort of, a spanking chapter. BUT, that's not what the warning's about. I mentioned in The Things Unseen (Make the Soul Ache) that Sam believed in spanking but Jess didn't. I thought it would be fun to write them having an argument about it.
I am sort of on the fence about spanking as a punishment or not, so please don't take this chapter as an endorsement or criticism. I am not supporting those who do choose to spank their kids, and I am not condemning those that do either. My point is this-the point of this chapter is two adults having a disagreement about the way their kid is raised, and eventually resolving it. They don't completely go one way or the other, they reach a middle ground that neither one loves or hates. Please don't leave any reviews debating one way or the other. And, as always, any abusive or flaming reviews will be reported/deleted. Thank you!
Jess walked into the house, three grocery bags on either arm. The grocery shopping trip had gone much faster by herself, but she was ready to get back home to Kayla now. Kayla had been napping when Jess left, but should have been up for at least a half hour when she got through the door.
Only when Jess closed the front door and took her shoes off did she realize that something was off. There was none of Kayla's usual excited greeting of 'mommy!', no excited babbling, no usual giggling. She started to call out for Sam when she spotted them. Kayla, on the couch, sitting in Sam's lap, sniffling and crying softly.
"What's going on? Are you okay?"
Sam patted Kayla's back and told her gently, "Sit up. Tell mommy what happened."
Kayla turned and faced her mother, her eyes puffy and red. "Hi, mommy."
"Hey, what's going on?" Jess asked again, slightly alarmed. "Are you hurt?"
"I did somefing bad, mommy."
"What? What'd you do?" Jess asked.
"I drawed on the wall in my room."
"Okay. That's not good, and I'm proud of you for telling me, but why are you crying?" Jess pressed.
Kayla blushed a little and looked down, afraid she was in trouble all over again.
Sam knew that it would likely start an argument with Jess, but if he waited any longer for Kayla to tell her, they'd be sitting there all day. "She'll be fine."
"That doesn't answer the question." Jess said, finally realizing why Kayla might be crying.
"Mommy, you mad at me too?" Kayla asked, distressed. "I'll help clean it up, I sorry."
"Shhh. Relax, Kayla. Go on and play."
Kayla, eager to get away, crawled off her dad's lap and back towards her room.
"I know you're mad…"
"Did you spank her?" Jess asked, the anger evident in her voice.
Sam sighed. Straight to the point. "Yes."
"Okay." Jess said. "Fine."
Jess picked up the grocery bags again and went into the kitchen. Sam thought about telling her he was leaving, that he'd be back when she'd calmed down, but he knew from experience Jess tended to stew rather than get calmer. Taking a deep breath, he entered the kitchen, where he could hear Jess putting groceries in the cabinet with much more force than necessary.
"You're mad." Sam said simply.
"Nope. I'm not mad. Why would I be mad?"
"Why don't you tell me?" Sam said, trying hard not to snap at her to make the argument go faster.
"Maybe because I thought that the two of us had an agreement that you weren't going to spank her unless I was here and both agreed?" Jess said as she threw a can of beans into the pantry. "That may have something to do with it."
"I remember telling you I'd think about that."
"So what? You know that I don't like you spanking her, so you just decide to do it when I'm not here. Is that it?" Jess asked, her uncharacteristic aggravation rubbing Sam the wrong way.
"I caught her doing something she knows she's not supposed to do. So yes, I told her it was wrong, and I spanked her butt eight times as a punishment. She cried a little, apologized, told you and apologized, and now it's over."
"And there's nothing else you could have done? You didn't think to maybe take away her coloring stuff for a while? Sit her in the corner until I got home? Explaining to her that she can't draw on the walls and it makes more work for mommy and daddy to have to clean it up? Early bedtime? None of this occurred to you?" Jess asked.
"I did tell her she was gonna have to help us clean it up. That was my plan."
"Well, I'm so sorry that me being angry with you messed up your plan, Sam." Jess said, turning back to the groceries.
"Jess, are we going to fight over this every time?" Sam asked. "Do you think I'm gonna hurt her or something?"
"No. I don't think you'll hurt her. But answer this. If I hadn't come home when I did, would you have told me that you spanked her?"
Sam shifted his feet and looked down.
"Yeah. That's what I thought. And why wouldn't you have told me, Sam?"
"Honestly? Because you would have made a bigger deal out of it than it was. Just like you're doing right now." Sam said, still carefully measuring his voice to try and stay calm.
"Why won't you even try something else, Sam?"
"Because it works!" Sam said. "It's quick, and she'll remember next time not to do it. And it's not a long, drawn out punishment like taking away her coloring stuff or sitting her in the corner. After it's over, I hold her a minute, remind her I love her, and that's it."
Jess just shook her head and continued putting the groceries away.
"Let me help you."
"I've got it." Jess snipped.
Sam sighed. He'd be in the doghouse a while. "Do you want me to start cleaning up her wall?"
"Do whatever you want. You're going to anyway."
"Enough, Jess!" Sam snapped, his voice rising in a familiar way that unsettled even Sam. "You know you're acting like you're Kayla's age when you do this."
"Do what?" Jess asked, raising her eyebrows in a way that clearly communicated just who the hell do you think you're raising your voice to, buddy?
"Throw a tantrum because something doesn't go your way."
Sam went from angry to hurt and back to angry in a flash. She had a bag of apples in her hand that she placed down on the table slowly. Sam realized what he'd said and the regret nearly ate him alive.
"Since apparently I'm your child and not your wife, you can finish putting the groceries away. And you can make dinner, and you can bathe Kayla, and at bedtime, you can sleep on the couch."
"Jess, I'm sorry…"
"Leave me alone. I'll be in our room." Jess said, finally turning and walking down the hall towards their bedroom and away from Sam.
Sam sighed and shook his head. He honestly didn't see the big deal, but Jess had told him quite a few times that she'd prefer he didn't spank Kayla if she wasn't home. Kayla rarely got in trouble, but when she did, Jess was, Sam felt, way too soft on her. He'd said that before too, and it had gone over as well as the argument in the kitchen. But Sam wasn't an idiot. He knew that he'd way crossed the line by raising his voice to Jess and calling her a child. She covered it with anger, but he'd hurt her feelings deeply.
"Nice job, idiot."
Sam knew better than to go to their bedroom right away. He finished putting up the groceries, then filled a bucket with some water and a little soap and headed down to Kayla's room. She hadn't drawn too much on the wall, so he patiently explained how to clean it, and praised her mightily when she did most of it by herself. He gently reminded her not to draw on her wall again, then decided it was time to try and patch things up with Jess.
"Daddy?"
"Yep?" Sam asked as he prepared to take the bucket back to the kitchen.
"Is mommy okay?" Kayla asked. "I saw her go to your room but she looked mad."
Sam sighed again. "I'm afraid I said something to hurt mommy's feelings."
"Did you mean to?"
"No." Sam said honestly. "No, I didn't."
"Did you say sorry?"
Sam smiled. "Not yet. But I will. I promise."
Kayla put her hands on her hips and declared, "It's not nice to hurt people's feelings, Daddy."
Sam laughed. "I know. I'll tell mommy sorry, I promise."
"'Kay." Kayla said, apparently satisfied to take Sam's word for it.
"Hey." Sam said before leaving Kayla's room. He reached over and playfully grabbed her nose and tweaked it a bit. Kayla giggled and brushed his hand away. "I love you."
"Love you more."
"Nuh-uh." Sam said with a fake whine.
"Yes huh." Kayla said with a giggle.
"I'll be back." Sam said. "You want to help me make dinner?"
"Yeah!"
"Okay, go wash your hands and wait for me in the kitchen. Do not start anything until I get there."
"Okay, Daddy!" Kayla said, eagerly running to the bathroom.
No more stalling, Sam realized. He walked down towards their bedroom, where the door was closed. He knocked, and when there was no answer, he cautiously opened the door. Jess was sitting in the bed, reading the novel she'd been working on before going to sleep at night. She either didn't hear or didn't acknowledge Sam at the door.
"Can I come in?"
"Sure." Jess said indifferently.
"I'm sorry."
"Sorry for what?" Jess asked without taking her eyes off the book.
"Not taking how you would feel about this into account." Sam said sincerely. "I'm sorry."
Jess folded the book shut and put it down beside her. "Have you ever spanked her before?"
"You know I have."
"That I don't know about." Jess clarified.
"Yes." Sam said.
Jess nodded. "Okay. How many times?"
Sam seriously considered lying to Jess's face, and was proud of himself when he didn't. "I don't know exactly. Maybe half a dozen times."
"Half a dozen?" Jess repeated.
"Yes."
"Sam, why didn't you tell me?" Jess asked.
"Because I was afraid you'd react like this."
"Yeah, Sam, I would've." Jess said. "You know, it's not even the spanking itself that really bothers me. It's that you hid it from me."
"I know. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have hidden it from you. But it feels like you don't trust me to be alone with Kayla."
"That's not it." Jess said.
"Then what is it?"
"It bothers me, Sam. It bothers me, and that used to be enough for you to at least consider not doing something." Jess said. "And the fact that you were doing it behind my back just tells me you know and don't care that it bothers me."
"I do care…"
"But what really gets under my skin, is the fact that while you might respect me as your wife, at least most of the time," Sam squirmed, and he knew she was still feeling sore over what had happened in the kitchen, "you do not take me seriously as Kayla's mother."
That took Sam off guard. "What? Of course I do."
"No, you don't. I can't count the number of times you've gotten on Kayla about something when I am trying to spend some time with her."
"Like when?" Sam asked.
"Like last night. When she and I were on the couch, cuddled up and talking, and you told her it was time for bed."
"It was." Sam said.
"Which was why I had already bathed her and made sure she was in her pajamas." Jess said. "I know you were just trying to make sure we kept her on a routine. But there are times when it's okay to throw out the routine. Like when I'm spending quality time with her that does not involve shuffling her to preschool or over to my mom's while I work or doing chores. She would have fallen asleep in my lap in no time if you had given her the chance."
"I'm sorry. I didn't know it meant that much to you." Sam said. "Why didn't you say anything?"
"Because anytime I dare to tell you that you might need to back down when you're telling Kayla what to do, you get pissy. I didn't say anything because it bothers you when I do." Jess said.
"That's not fair." Sam replied.
"I have more examples if you want them."
"Okay." Sam said. "Go on."
"Last week. We were at mom's, and Kayla asked me if she could go out in the yard and play." Jess said. "Before I even had the chance to say anything, you told her no."
"It was five degrees outside!"
"That's not the point. The point is, Kayla didn't say 'Daddy, can I go outside?', she said 'Mommy, can I go outside?'. Why did you feel the need to answer a question Kayla addressed to me?"
"I didn't think about it." Sam said. "I just answered on instinct."
"Bullshit." Jess said.
"What?"
"You heard me. Bullshit. I can tell when you're lying. Tell me the truth, now." Jess said.
Here it goes. My suicide jump. "I thought you'd tell her yes."
"Excuse me?"
"I thought you'd tell her yes." Sam admitted.
"And why is that?" Jess asked. "Do you think I prefer my daughter as a popsicle? Or sick with pneumonia?"
"No, Jess. I just thought you'd tell her yes."
"Why? I want to know why you think I'd be stupid enough to let my daughter go out and play in single digit weather."
"Because you never do tell Kayla no." Sam said. "I can't remember the last time I saw Kayla ask you for something and you told her no. You're way too lenient with her, Jess. Just talking does nothing."
"How would you know?" Jess asked. "You've never tried it."
"You act like I never do anything else. You're acting like I just grab her and start smacking the second she breathes wrong."
"I would rather her do the right thing because it's the right thing to do instead of being afraid of getting a spanking. Why is that so hard for you to understand?"
"I do understand that, Jess." Sam said, annoyed. "I just don't agree with you on it."
"Do you? Do you truly understand why spanking bothers me?" Jess asked. "If you don't, I'll tell you. But you can't get defensive, or pissy, or start yelling at me for it."
"I won't."
"If you do, this conversation is over." Jess said.
"I swear I won't." Sam said. He'd always felt lost as to why Jess was so against it. "Tell me."
"Okay. From my point of view, you are seven times Kayla's age, five times her size, and ten times as strong as she is. When she does something wrong, instead of teaching her why it's wrong, you grab her and you hit her."
"I don't hit my daughter." Sam said through gritted teeth.
"I am not arguing with you. I'm trying to tell you how this looks to me. Let me finish, and I'll give a chance to explain the difference. Okay?"
Sam nodded grimly.
"I get that you hold her, and you hug her, and you remind her that you love her. But if you didn't spank her, none of that would be necessary." Jess said. "Okay, go. Tell me how I'm seeing this wrong. And don't tell me it's because that's how you were raised. You and your dad didn't speak to each other for years, so that's not a good enough reason for me."
"Well, good enough reason or not, there's a lot more behind why Dad and I didn't talk to each other than the fact that he spanked me." Sam waited for Jess to respond, but when she didn't, he pressed on. "As far as me being older, bigger, and stronger than Kayla, I know that. That's why I barely swat her when I do spank her."
Jess held her hand out. "Show me."
"What?"
"Show me." Jess said. "Hit my hand as hard as you hit Kayla when you spank her."
Sam was stunned. "Jess…"
"Sam, do it." Jess said. "You want me to understand, right? Hit my hand the same way you spank Kayla."
Sam felt ridiculous, but he did as she said. Jess's mind began to turn. She'd barely felt the swat. It was louder than it was painful.
"Okay. I'll give you this. I barely felt that."
Sam, surprised at Jess's concession, said, "Thank you."
"But, I still don't understand the connection between spanking her and drawing on the wall." Jess said. "If I had found her, I would have taken her crayons and markers until tomorrow and made her help me clean up. Why did you choose a spanking over that?"
"Because taking her coloring stuff makes the punishment drag out longer. She would have been miserable until tomorrow. I spank her and talk to her about it, it's over. We can move on."
Jess was silent. Damn it, she thought to herself. He actually has a point.
"Explain to me why you would have taken her coloring stuff."
"What?"
"I explained why I spank Kayla to you. Explain why you would've done something different." Sam said.
"Because taking her coloring stuff and making her help me clean up, the second that it happened, shows her what she did was wrong. It shows her mommy works hard to keep the house clean, and when she does stuff like that, it makes more work for me, and harder to spend time with her. Plus, if she can't color or draw, she has more time to think about why she shouldn't do it again. If you spank her, all she's thinking about is that it hurts and I want to get away."
Damn it, Sam thought. She has a point.
"Look, I don't want to fight with you over this. I will never agree that spanking is a good way to go. I'm sorry if that hurts your feelings, but I just don't see myself changing my mind." Jess said. "But I do trust you. You're still an amazing daddy, even if I don't agree with how you handle her all the time."
"Thank you."
"I have an idea. A compromise." Jess said. "It's what I was really doing while I was in here."
"Okay."
"A three strikes system. First strike, she gets a warning. She does it again, she gets a second strike. She chooses then-a spanking from Daddy, or a punishment from mommy. Third strike, no choice. Whoever she's with gets to choose, and the other one doesn't interfere."
"What if she's with both of us?" Sam asked.
"Hopefully this'll work so well she won't get to a third strike. But if she does, we'll take turns." Jess suggested.
"One thing." Sam said. When Jess tensed up, Sam explained, "I'm not arguing. But I do have one issue with this."
"What?"
"How is giving her a choice helpful? No kid in their right mind is going to choose a spanking."
"She wouldn't choose to have her stuff taken away either. Or having to clean up. Or getting extra chores, or being grounded, or anything else I might pick. But besides, the choice is more for us than for her. It's to save us from having this fight every time she gets in trouble." Jess said. "Besides, if I'm willing to get past the problems I had with you spanking her, I don't think it's too much to ask for you to move past your problems with this."
"You're right." Sam said. "I can live with that."
"Good. Thank you, I mean that. Now, on to more pressing matters."
"What else is there?" Sam asked.
"We're both going to make mistakes here. If you ever spank Kayla before she's on her second strike, don't hide it from me. That's lying to me."
"Agreed." Sam said.
"Second, don't ever talk to me again like you did in the kitchen. It is not wrong or childish of me to be angry that you did something behind my back."
"I know." Sam said. "I'm sorry, honey."
"Finally, don't ever raise your voice to me." Jess said. "You have a problem with me, you bring it to me and you talk to me like an adult. I don't yell at you, so you don't do it to me."
"You're right." Sam said. "No yelling. I'm sorry."
"And I'm sorry too. I wasn't implying earlier that you hit Kayla, and I'm sorry I made you feel that way. Forgive me?"
"Of course."
A knock at the bedroom door made them both turn. Kayla stood there with her hands on her hips and an annoyed look on her face.
"You forgotted about me."
"What did I forget?" Sam asked.
"Are we making dinner?"
"Oh!" Sam said, and smiled guiltily. "Sorry, sweetie. I guess I did forget."
"It's okay. Did you say sorry?"
Jess opened her mouth in surprise, and Sam explained, "I told her that I said something to hurt your feelings and I needed to say sorry."
"Oh." Jess smiled in relief that Kayla didn't know they'd been arguing over what had happened earlier. "Yes, baby, he said sorry."
"Good. I's hungry, can we get dinner now please?"
"Yes. We can get dinner. What do you want?" Jess asked as she climbed off the bed.
"No, mommy." Kayla said, holding a hand out to stop Jess from leaving. "Me and Daddy do it. You have dinner in bed."
"Can't argue with that." Jess said.
"You deserve it." Sam said. He kissed her cheek and asked, "We good?"
"We're great." Jess said.
"Am I still sleeping on the couch?"
"Not unless you mess up dinner." Jess said with a grin, to which Sam only responded by rolling his eye and telling Kayla to go to the kitchen. Jess shook her head and returned to her book.