Killua POV

When I come to the first thing I notice is I'm not anywhere familiar. My vision is a little fogged and for a moment I don't remember anything. I soon figure out I'm sitting slightly hunched over in an armchair somewhere cool. When I finally rub the fog from my eyes the first thing I see is Gon.

And then I'm hit with all my memories. Love, Gon, baby... Babies..

"BABIES?!?!" I find myself shouting as I stand up from the chair. Gon just sighs and smiles looking down at his swollen belly and patting it gently humming in confirmation.

He seems a bit in a daze I feel like somethings off maybe he's in shock? I mean who wouldn't and now that I feel like I've been away for a while I just now realize just how big he's gotten. He's belly I mean other than that he looks normal maybe less baby fat in his cheeks, is he losing weight?

I walk up to the examination bed and take one of Gon's hands and I kiss the back of it lovingly. Pressing my lips firmly I keep them pressed there for a few moments before pulling away and placing his hand, which feels cold and boney, on my cheek and lean into it as I keep it pressed there before I open my eyes and meet his.

"I'm so happy" I whisper to Gon whoms eyes have glossed over I see a slight pink tint to his cheeks. Then the tears start falling.

With my other free hand i wipe the tears that seem to be falling like silent snow. I hate how quietly he can cry at times. I lean in and kiss his cheek tasting his tears and feel more fall on my upper lip as they trail down his face.

He's not moving his eyes are still open and blank eith tears still falling and flowing as if they will never stop. I grab Gon's other hand and kiss it as well.

"Why the tears my love talk to me please? What's going on? How long was I out for?"

No reaction.

One of the nurses walks in and looks at the chair I woke up in only to seem confused then looks towards Gon and I and jumps slightly. "Oh! There you are! Glad to see you're up and about.. oh poor dear (referring to Gon) he's having a bit of a hard time. Mr. Freeces would you mind if I spoke with you separately from your husband?"

Hearing that makes me blush and my heart skip a beat I might just faint again thinking of Gon in a white dress, marrying me.

'Not the time or the place Killua!' I shout mentally at myself.

I nod my head and remove myself from Gon and go into thr hallways with the nurse who's expression has turned stirn. "Alright here's what happened you passed out after hearing about the twins. Your husband in there is a bit worried for various reasons."

She pauses for a moment peeking back into the room to check on Gon before lowering her voice and leaning in to tell me, "you were out about 15 minutes in that time Gon.. spoke with the doctor and we've come to the conclusion that he's got a bit of pre-postpartum depression we refer to as maternal depression. He's expressed to us he's worried about the babies rejecting him even hating him or vise versa. Mr. Freeces hasnt been eating enough and he's not sleeping."

She pauses and I feel like the earth has shattered. My Gon who always seems so happy full of life who currently holds his belly full of proof of the love we share is depressed? How? Why? Is it me? My fault?

Just as I think this the nurse continues. "This is something very common for a pregnant woma.. person though and is 100 percent treatable. It also may go away once the doubt is confirmed as false when the babies are born but there are cases where it gets worse. In your guy's case it's very likely to progress worse with the stress of not just one but two babies. Especially since we may have to preform a c section as well as the fact that we don't allow pregnant people to go full term with twins for health risks on all three parties which we made Gon aware of so he's not blind sighted. This is by no means your fault and not a lot can be done to prevent it either and from what Gon has said we know you've been doing all could in the first place to keep this from happening it was simply unavoidable in this case as unfortunate as it is but we will help him and get him all the help he needs and we'll instruct you in couciling on ways you can help him at home too."

I'm crying by the time she finishes. No way to prevent it huh? Bet there was and it's just my fault because I didn't do one simple thing Gon needed me to do most...

These thoughts are so selfish. Gon's suffering internally and here I am feeling sorry for myself? No! I'm done! It's all about Gon and our babies right now!

"I'm not allowing myself to fall into a bad state I will take care of my family I will help Gon no matter what. When I was in this state he was my light and saved me from my darkness I will do that for him a million times over if I have to for the sacrifices he's making to give us a family" I find myself saying to the nurse who tears up covering her mouth I'm assuming to not show her mouth quivering or to try and stop it.

" Oh Killua..." I hear from directly behind me. I turn and find Gon in the same state as the nurse. He bounces forward and hugs me.

"What did I ever do to deserve such an amazing person?" He whispers into my neck. I wrap my arms around him, careful of the bloated up belly between us and hold him as close as possible.

"Gon.. I love you so much I love our babies too I want you to know I'm never gonna leave you or them for anything please believe me"

"I believe you Killua I do but there may be times where my mind doesn't want to it's gonna be hard I wouldn't blame you if you started to want to leave.." he starts to go down a dark path and I cut him off with my lips.

I kiss him whole heartedly putting all my love into it he grips thr collar of my button down shirt which causes a spark in me that I have to keep kindled for later.

"Never, I'll never want to I'll be there to reassure you when your mind wants to try and trick you otherwise you are my love and my life"

Gon's eyes are glossy again but not the reason they were before and that enough makes my heart mend back to the way it was.

Strong.

Strong for Gon and our babies. Our family.